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Edge of Insanity	By : hatochiisai Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 4649 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor do I make any financial profit off of writing this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Edge of Insanity

Hatochiisai aka Ahmose Inarus

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

SLASH WARNING!!! Hotch/Reid

CHAPTER 7

Dr. Harris and Dr. Wycoff were working together in the group therapy the day after the team had gone to San Diego. They watched patiently as their charges came in, or were guided in. Reid was, as usual, the last to arrive. But this time he shuffled in clutching his Bedtime Bear. And then, as usual, he ambled over to the desk in the corner and slid onto it, curling up and staring out the window.

Drs. Harris and Wycoff glanced at each other, but then began the session. It was almost over before another silent glance had them in agreement, and they turned.

“Spencer?” Dr. Wycoff called, and after a moment, Reid turned and looked in her general direction. “Would you like to tell the group what it is you have there?” She watched as Reid tensed and tightened his hold on the bear and curled up even tighter, leaning into the wall and away from the group. Dr. Wycoff sighed.

“Now, Spencer.” Dr. Harris said sternly. “The point of this group is to discuss yourself and let your companions help you. No one can help you if you won’t talk to us.” Reid turned and looked back out the window again. The man let out an exasperated sigh.

When the group session was over, he and Dr. Wycoff watched Reid shuffle off to the day room. He curled up in his armchair by the window, put in some ear buds and turned on an MP3 player. Then he closed his eyes, hugged his bear close and just… sat there.

“Great.” Harris grumbled. “ANOTHER way to ignore me.”

“Is he really that bad?” Wycoff laughed.

“And worse.” Harris snorted. And sure enough, when their private session time came, Reid plopped himself down on the sofa as far away from Dr. Harris as possible clutching his bear, buds in his ears and a book stolen from the bookshelf again. And he proceeded to ignore the man. Dr. Harris eventually took the book and the MP3 Player, but Reid just curled up, hid his face and continued to ignore the man. Harris was beside himself in his frustration. As soon as the hour was up, Reid stood, plucked his MP3 from Dr. Harris’s fingers and slipped out of the room, once again parking himself in his favorite chair until dinner, which he didn’t touch. And which he skipped out on as soon as he could.

The team was in San Diego for three days. When they returned that morning, Hotch wanted to go see Reid, but he had another appointment he had to keep.

He parked in front of the small office and walked in.

“… Aaron Hotchner?” A woman called, poking her head through a doorway.

“Yes.” Hotch said, smiling and offering his hand. She hurried out and took it.

“Aaron!” She greeted, and the pair shared a small, formal embrace. “It’s so GOOD to see you. I’m so sorry to hear about you and Haley…” She told, him, leading him into her office. He sat down, glancing at the name plate on the desk reading ‘Barbara Newkirk’. “Are you selling the house, then?”

“No, not at all. Haley is going to raise Jack in that house.” Hotch said, smiling.

“You’re keeping it.” The woman clarified, blinking in confusion. “So… what can I do for you, then?”

“… I’m in the market.” Hotch said. She stared. “Haley is my High School Sweetheart.” Hoch told her with a small smile. “But… I’ve met my soulmate. We’ve been together for nearly a year. Known each other for many years. And… I can’t imagine life without him.”

“… Him?” She asked, looking surprised.

“Yeah. I know. I didn’t expect it either. But… It happened. And it’s time we… committed.”

“Are you going to get married?” She asked. “I mean… It’s legal in DC…”

“… No. We… can’t.” Hotch said.

“… Alright… I won’t pry.” Ms. Newkirk said with a smile. “I’m glad you’ve found someone. So… what are you looking for? Condo? Townhouse?”

“A house.” Hotch said.

“What kind of house?” She asked.

“Three bedroom.” Hotch said. “A Master, a place for my son when he stays with me, and a guest room. And a study. I work a lot at home, but Spencer not only brings work home, but writes papers and is working on additional Degrees to add to his… collection.”

“Okay.” She said, beginning to type on her computer.

“Quiet neighborhood, maybe a bit… out of town. A place with a younger, more liberal population.” Hotch said slowly. “Large yards to give us… privacy.”

“Okay… what KIND of house? Any particular styles?”

“… Not modern.” Hotch said. “Something… traditional. Older. Conservative.”

“Ooookay. A conservative house in a liberal neighborhood…” She giggled. “Like… Old America? Colonial?”

“Maybe something like… I dunno…” Hotch sighed. “I mean… Spencer likes… old literature. His mother was a professor if 15h Century Literature… he grew up reading that kind of stuff… He refuses to get a Kindle…” Hotch grinned. “He insists on having an actual book. He prefers hard copies of case files and crime scene photos to on a computer. And you should see how he dresses…” Hotch chuckled.

“Okay, so you’re looking for a house that fits HIM.” Ms. Newkirk said with a grin.

“… Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Hotch said.

“Sounds to me like maybe something like Victorian or Tudor style…”

“Sounds right.” Hotch said with a nod.

“Okay then. Give me a price range, I’ll start looking, and I’ll call you back!”

“Sounds good.” Hotch said, and left the office with hope and determination burning in him. He was going to get his Spencer out of that fucking hospital, and he would take him home to a house. Their very own house… their HOME. And with those thoughts in his head, he made the drive out to Willow Ridge. When he got there, he was pointed to the day room where he found Reid.

“Has he eaten today?” Hotch asked, looking at the nurse. She sighed.

“No. He wouldn’t touch his breakfast.” She said softly.

“When is lunch?”

“Ten minutes.”

“Okay. I’ll try to get him to eat something.” Hotch said, then walked across the room. He found himself standing over Reid. The boy was in the arm chair curled up tightly clutching his bear, headphones in his ears. The MP3 player was sitting on the arm of the chair. Hotch looked down at the screen to see what his young lover was listening to. ‘Hook Soundtrack’ by ‘John Williams’, Track title ‘You Are the Pan’. Hotch smiled.

Reid was enchanted by the story of Peter Pan, and one of his favorite movies was ‘Hook’, which told the story of what happened when Peter Pan (Robin Williams) grew up, and had to return to Neverland when Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman) kidnapped his kids. Hotch knew that Reid was playing the movie behind his closed eyes as he listened to the soundtrack. There was a look of relaxation on his face... almost a smile.

Hotch looked around… there was no one near them. No one watching… He moved and knelt before the chair, reaching out and laying his hand on Reid’s cheek, and pressing their lips together. Reid jumped and gasped, but a moment later he sighed and melted into the kiss, his body slipping into the elder’s arms with a soft coo. They broke the kiss and stared one another in the eyes. Hotch smiled at Reid, caressing his cheek with a hand and staring into his eyes. And he fought with everything he had to keep the heartbreak out of his eyes as he stared into Reid’s empty eyes… It killed him to see it.

“Come on, baby.” Hotch said, and coaxed Reid to his feet. “Time to eat something.” Reid gave him a pleading look. “None of that. Come on now.” Hotch said, and Reid was one of the first in the cafeteria for lunch. Lunch was a baked potato. And it was a struggle to get Reid to eat. Hotch was frustrated and worried. His young lover was pallid, and thin… so thin… he was losing weight rapidly. It was like pulling teeth just to get the young man to eat a few bites of his lunch, and Reid was miserable the entire time. He didn’t relax until he had returned to his room, and once there he was perfectly content to curl up to Hotch on the bed and just… sit.

Hotch sighed as he stared down at the young man. Reid was curled up in his comforter with his bear, his head and shoulders in Hotch’s lap. Hotch plucked up the MP3 Player and scrolled through the albums. He was sure that half of the music came from Garcia’s hijacking of Reid’s MP3. He put on a playlist labeled ‘Relaxation Tunes’ and pulled out the headphones, activating the speakers in the little device. Reid sighed softly as the soothing music filled the room and nuzzled Hotch’s hand with his cheek. Hotch almost expected his young lover to start purring. But the boy was silent. He just lay there and stared off into space, and before Hotch knew it, the boy was fast asleep.

When Dr. Harris arrived several hours later to check on his patient, he found the boy sleeping quietly, his head resting in his Unit Chief’s lap. And the man was slumped against the wall, also asleep. Dr. Harris cleared his throat. Hotch blinked his eyes open.

“I’m sorry, Agent Hotchner.” The man said softly. “But it’s almost dinner time. Visiting hours are over.”

“Oh. Of course.” Hotch said softly, and slid out from under Reid while holding up the boy’s head and then shoving his pillow there in place of his thigh. He stood there, staring down at his precious little mate, and gently brushed his fingers over the boy’s hair, then reluctantly walked out of the room, leaving the boy to sleep.

Dr. Harris came in to wake Reid for dinner. Reid stretched like a cat, and reached a hand out to feel the leg under his head. But he only felt his pillow… Reid opened his eyes and looked up, staring at the spot where Hotch had been when he had gone to sleep. But no one was there. Dr. Harris watched Reid blinked slowly, and then immediately deflate.

“Come on, Spencer.” The man said gently. Reid slowly stood, eyes to the floor, and shuffled off to the dining room. And once again, he sat for fifteen minutes without touching his meal, and then slipped away in silence. He made his way to the bedroom and gathered freash clothes and the bed sheet before heading to the bathroom, hoping to shower while everyone was at dinner. He started the water and hung the bed sheet like a curtain while he waited for it to warm up, and then he slowly stripped off his clothes and stepped under the water.

He began to bathe himself, relaxing at the feel of the warm water caressing his skin. He was almost done when he heard the door open… He heard footsteps crossing the bathroom. Heavy breathing… And then the bed sheet curtain was ripped back. Reid whirled with a shriek and threw himself into the corner, collapsing onto the floor and curling up as tightly as he could, screaming hysterically… he waited… he waited for rough hands to grab him and throw him down… To pin him down and force his legs apart… to rip into his body and leave him bleeding on the floor.

He never noticed Pietrov screaming in Russian, and begin to hit his head against the wall over, and over… He never noticed doctors and nurses and orderlies rushing into the bathroom and tackling Pietrov, administering a sedative. He never noticed the staff then approaching him nor did he hear them speaking to him. But the moment they touched him, he fell apart. Sobbing hysterically, he allowed them to pull him away from the corner and lay him down.

And for the second time, Dr. Harris and the others had to fight to ignore their twisting gut as the young man lay back and spread his legs, begging them to just do it… he wouldn’t fight them… please don’t hurt him… they could have what they wanted from him, just please, PLEASE be gentle… he won’t fight… they can have him…

They had to sedate him.

And Dr. Harris again had to call Aaron Hotchner…

It was the gentle touches that brought Reid into awareness… A hand holding his… a larger hand caressing his face… fingers running through his hair. He inhaled deeply, and his senses tingled at the familiar scent of a certain aftershave. He opened his eyes.

“Hey… There you are…” Emily said softly, brushing his hair out of his face. Reid blinked at her in the light of the morning sun. Slowly, he turned his head and looked around. Everyone was there but JJ and Rossi.

“Hey there, Butter Cream.” Garcia said softly. Reid turned and looked at her, then closed his fingers around hers; it was her hand that had been holding his. Then he turned and nuzzled his cheek into the larger hand, nearly purring as he savored his lover’s touch.

“Spencer…” Hotch murmured softly. “What happened? Why did you panic?” Reid just stared at him for a moment, then turned away. Hotch just sighed. “Can you eat something?” The team watched as Reid’s hand, which was lying on his abdomen, slowly closed into a fist around the light blanket covering him.

“Reid…” Morgan called gently. “You know that no one in this place will hurt you, right?” Reid looked up and met the man’s gaze for a moment, but then he turned away again, heaving a deep, sad sigh.

“Spencer… I’m worried about you…” Hotch said. Reid closed his eyes. “You’re not eating… you haven’t spoken a word, other then when you’re in what the doctor has described as… a flashback…”

Reid turned and gave the man a confused look.

“It’s happened twice…” Hotch said. “You collapsed and started screaming… And then when they touched you… you… you spread your legs and told them to just do it… that you wouldn’t fight them, if they just wouldn’t hurt you…”

Reid stared at the man, what little color that was present in his face draining away. Then he jerked away from his team, sliding out of the bed and shouldering Garcia aside.

“Reid!” Emily called, and they all stumbled over each other to follow him. He ran through Willow Ridge, finally reaching his room. Once there, he slammed the door and leaned against it, listening to his team calling to him from on the other side.

“Spencer, open the door!” Hotch commanded. But Reid just closed his eyes and slowly slid to the floor, just as tears slid down his face.

“Reid. Open the damn door.” Morgan growled. “Don’t MAKE me kick it in! I’m not on the clock right now!”

The team heard him moving, and they all watched as the boy slowly opened the door, no one paying any attention to Dr. Harris, who was running over to investigate.

Reid stared at his team, and finally spoke. “Leave.” He said, his voice low. “And don’t come back.” Everyone stared at him.

“Spencer, you—“

“Don’t.” Reid cut Hotch off. “The worst thing about this place, is seeing you walk out the door and leave me behind. And I can’t take it. Every time it happens, I want to die.” Hotch stared at Reid in heartbroken shock. Garcia clung to Morgan tears flooding down her face. “So I will make this perfectly clear…” Reid continued. “The next time I see you, it will be because you are here to take me home. Otherwise, I do NOT want to see you.” And he looked Hotch straight in the eyes. “… ANY of you.” Tears ran down the broken young man’s face. “And if I am to spend the rest of my life here, then so be it. But if that is the case, then I NEVER want to see ANY of you EVER again. Because seeing you leave hurts more than being here alone.” His eyes snapped to Dr. Harris.

“I do NOT want visitors ever again. The next time I will see ANY one, is if I am going home, or if I am on my fucking death bed.” He said. Dr. Harris just stared.

“Dr. Reid, I don’t think that’s a good—“

“I don’t give a fuck WHAT you think. That is what I want. If you don’t respect my wishes, I sure as hell won’t ever respect YOUR wishes ever again.” Reid snapped. Then he turned and stared Hotch in the eyes, and walked right up to him.

“… I mean it.” He whispered, taking the man’s hands. “… Don’t come back.” And then he turned and walked back into his room.

“Spencer!” Hotch gasped. Reid turned and looked at him, then closed the door.

“… I think you folks should go.” Dr. Harris said softly. Garcia sobbed, clinging tightly to Morgan. Hotch just stared at the man. And he was speechless.

Rossi walked into the small, dimly lit bar and looked around. His eyes came to rest on the figure of a man that had apparently decided to be the poster boy for Despair and Misery.

Aaron Hotchner was at the far end of the bar, at the darkest corner in the place, slumped over the shiny wooden surface and staring into his glass. Rossi walked over and slid onto the stool beside the younger man, staring at his fisted hand… he was working his hand around… SOMETHING.

“Emily told me.” The man said gently. Hotch sighed, picking up his glass and draining the contents. Then he set the glass down again.

“… I’ve lost him.”

“No. He’s just…”

“He’s lost hope.” Hotch breathed, then turned and fixed his red and watery eyes on the man. “He’s lost his faith in us. In ME.”

“What makes you say that, Aaron?” Rossi asked. Hotch sighed and looked down at his fisted hand, then slowly opened his fingers. Rossi looked down at a soft clatter, and his heart clenched. There, before him, was a little gold ring with a blue topaz set in it… it was Reid’s ring… the ring that he wore with his lover’s birthstone.

“He gave it to me. And then told me not to come back.” Hotch gasped. Rossi didn’t know what to say… he didn’t know what he COULD say… Aaron Hotchner was utterly devastated.

“I’ve failed him, Dave… I wasn’t able to protect him from his worst fear…”

“Then you have to get him out.” Rossi stated calmly. “And you’re not going to do that sitting here.”

“… But… where do I start?”

“Where is the best place to start?” Rossi asked, then smiled. “At the beginning.” Hotch blinked. “… Let’s find Dr. Carlson.”

“Okay…” Garcia said, tapping away at her computer while Morgan stood there sipping a coffee and eating a donut. Rossi, JJ, Hotch and Emily stood around in a tense silence. “Apparently, Dr. Carlson put in his two week notice rather… unexpectedly. His last day was the day he diagnosed Reid. And after that, he drops off of the grid. His house is on the market, his wife quit her job… They haven’t been seen since.”

“We have to find him, Garcia…” Hotch said, frowning. “He knows something. There has to be some reason why he would give a false diagnosis.” Garcia nodded and began typing away.

“If there is anything to find, sir, I’ll find it…” She said.

“Thank you. Now if you will excuse me, I have a meeting to go to.” Hotch said, and left. Half an hour later, he was in the office of Barbara Newkirk, determined to continue his quest to find a house for his lover and himself.

“Alright, Aaron.” She said with a smile. “I’ve found several homes that might interest your and your partner. When will I get to meet him, by the way?”

“I’m not sure. He’s having a rough time right now. He was… abducted. And right now he’s in a hospital. I want him to have a home to come home to when he gets out.”

“I see.” Ms. Newkirk said. “Alright then, let’s get down to it. I chose this neighborhood for you.” And she slid a little brochure across her desk. “It’s an OLD neighborhood that is being restored. People have been flipping houses there.”

“huh?”

“Buy a run down house, fix it up, sell it.” She explained. “Anyway, mostly younger people, good clean cut families. It’s an established neighborhood. They started their… rejuvenation project about ten years ago, it’s a whole new place. But they’re relatively liberal… there is a small handful of homosexual couples… three of them are raising children. I talked to them personally. They LOVE the neighborhood and said that they have very few problems with the neighbors for their orientation. And apparently, they’re discreet, too. It’s a close knit neighborhood, everyone watches out for each other… they have neighborhood barbecues and things… Annual Fourth Of July Parade, barbecue and games for the kids all day… A Neighborhood Watch Patrol on a volunteer basis… Good, middle class neighborhood.”

“Sounds fantastic!” Hotch said. “And… houses?”

“I have half a dozen I can take you to see. All newly flipped.”

“… Let’s go!” Hotch said, and they stood and left.

Reid lay curled up on his bed. He had been there all day. He had refused to get up for breakfast, for group therapy, for lunch, for his private session, and now he was ignoring the attempts of Dr. Harris and Riley to get him to eat dinner. He had curled up under his blanket and was hiding his face. He was completely heartbroken. He missed his team… he missed Aaron… desperately… but he would rather deal with this heartbreak than the crushing agony of watching them leave him behind again and again and again…

As far as he was concerned, his life was over. And now he was in his own Purgatory. And the only escape was death. And that was when he seriously began to contemplate actively seeking his own demise.

He was suicidal.

And he didn’t care.

He just wanted it to end…
- 6
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Edge of Insanity