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Honey	By : BlueHarlequin Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 3109 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Nothing of Criminal Minds belongs to me; this is not for profit. No copyright infringement intended.

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Honey
Author: BlueHarlequin
Chapter 7
Disclaimer: Nothing of Criminal Minds belongs to me; this is not for profit. No copyright infringement intended.
Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, UST, drug use
A/N: unbeta'd. Please be kind. Updates are always posted in my profile. Feel free to PM me with comments or leave a review, I love hearing from ya'll!
Aaron Hotchner + Spencer Reid
Summary: Addiction Series 2 - Reid struggles with his drug use and turns to the one person who has never abandoned him.

Aaron searched the entire apartment while Spencer slept. He looked through all of the cushions and all of the young man’s bureau drawers. He emptied out every cereal box and opened every book. When he was finished he was only partially relieved at the small amount of items gathered on the kitchen table. However, the most disturbing find hadn’t been the Oxycodone that was hidden in a coat pocket in the closet, but the bottle of meth that had been concealed at the back of the pantry. The very presence of the items was a very large betrayal but Hotch knew he couldn’t be angry or disappointed. Anger would only be met with Reid’s spectacular brand of stubbornness and he didn’t have any right to be disappointed.
Aaron acknowledged that he had failed Spencer in so many ways in the aftermath of his abduction by Tobias Hankel. He had known that Gideon had never completely gotten over the incident in Boston. The recurring symptoms of his PTSD had been hidden instead of managed. The first time, when Jason had questioned his own judgement over Elle being shot had been his first clue, but Aaron had chosen to ignore it. He wanted to believe Gideon had it together and was just feeling the remorse that every senior agent did when a team mate was injured. He had also written it off when the older man questioned himself again in Hankel’s cabin. Aaron knew how close the mentor protégé relationship between the two was and had chosen to stay out of it. He had trusted that Gideon had Reid’s recovery under control until he missed the plane in New Orleans. Afterwards, the younger man had dropped glaringly unsubtle clues for help and he had ignored them. As his superior he should have asked if everything was alright, and as his friend he should have made sure everything was alright.
When Spencer woke up that afternoon he wandered out of his room into the kitchen. Aaron was sitting at the table staring at something on it. He looked up as the young man looked down at the items. The senior profiler didn’t miss the panicked expression that crossed his face as he realised what they were. Making sure his tone didn’t sound disapproving, Hotch said to him, “I won’t ask if this is everything. I won’t even ask why you have them. The only question I have for you is ‘is this what you want?’”
Reid flopped into the chair across from him. He was at a loss, “I don’t understand.”
Aaron’s mouth flattened into a thin harsh line. “I’m asking you what you want. It’s always been your choice. Do you want this,” he gestured to the drugs on the table, “a quick and easy escape or do you want to end this and move on with your life at the BAU.”
Spencer’s face took on a mulish quality and he crossed his arms in front of him in defence. “Are you asking that as my boss or my friend?” he asked sullenly.
“Both,” the older man snapped back at him. “Spencer, as your friend and your boss I need to know if you can make a promise to yourself that last night was the last time. It doesn’t matter how much I want you to stop using, you have to want to stop.”
Reid wanted to stop, wanted this to be the last time. He wanted to stay in the FBI and be a part of the BAU. The young doctor knew that he was only there by very special circumstances; most people his age were still going to training or were probationary field agents. Aaron was right. There was no way he could continue this way. He had been using the older man as a crutch. Speaking very slowly for once, he voiced the first things that came to him, “Working at the BAU is all that I have in my life... it is my life. And I know that this,” he gestured to the items on the table, “is taking that away from me. If I continue like this I will lose both.” He looked up at his friend and his boss, Aaron Hotchner. The older man nodded. Drawing in a shaky breath he continued, “I think I have been fooling myself that I can get through this with only your help and my will power. But I still don’t want to go to a clinic; even I know that is not a long term solution and I don’t want to give up your help either. I want to stay with y... with the BAU. But at the same time I want to get away from this terror, this thing that is eating me up and not letting me move forward. ” He slumped forward against the table, all the tension drained out of him, it was almost as though the words had been all that were holding him up.
Watching the young man shake as he tried to compose himself Aaron realised several other mistakes he had made. He had not spent enough time with Reid teaching him how to compartmentalise. He had relied on the showing and the leading by example instead of telling and teaching. He had also ignored the bad example Gideon represented. The events that had led to this moment were a testimony to the senior agent’s inability to keep the work from getting to him. This brought to mind yet another thing, Reid’s exceptional talents in no way compensated for his lack of experience. Thanks to his mentor, he did not have the years spent in law enforcement to grow a thick skin or to develop a proper control of his headspace in the face of the things they dealt with. It was then Hotch also realised, with some amount of self loathing, that he had been conceited. A small part of him had wanted to be the only one Reid needed to turn to and that had been where he failed. Even if it was something he didn’t want to share with the team, Spencer needed others to support him. He needed others who could relate to him and at the same time not be a part of his personal or professional life. Sighing, he looked up as he realised the young man had been studying him while he thought. “Spencer...” he hesitated, “how would you feel about attending an NA meeting?” Aaron tried not to laugh at the myriad emotions that passed over the young man’s. He waited as the younger agent worked through his thoughts. He opened and closed his mouth several times but seemed to come to a different conclusion just as he was about to speak. Aaron sat patiently as Reid seemingly made a decision.
For a moment Reid couldn’t believe what Aaron had suggested. The other man knew how personal, how private this was. To say he was shocked by the suggestion
“I... I think that might work,” he muttered.

Fin
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