Then As It Was, Then Again It Will Be | By : OpenPage Category: 1 through F > 21 Jump Street Views: 1347 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own 21JS or the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is coincidental. |
Booker anxiously waited for Nurse Jackson to return and tell him he could see Tom. Whilst he waited, he found a pay phone and rang Penhall, only to get his answering machine. He left a message about Tom’s condition and hung up. He did not feel the need to phone Fuller as he expected that the hospital would relay the news, given that he was now in charge of Hanson’s medical decisions. An hour passed before both Doctor Reid and Nurse Jackson entered the fourth floor waiting room. Booker immediately started to rise, but Doctor Reid motioned for him to remain seated.
“Can’t I see him?” Dennis asked, nervously chewing on his lower lip.
“Tomorrow,” Doctor Reid replied curtly. Not waiting for Booker to respond, he abruptly turned on his heel and left.
Seeing Dennis’ bewildered expression, Nurse Jackson sat down and gave a smile of encouragement. “The doctor can be a little terse, but he’s the best in the state. What he neglected to tell you was that they’re sending Tom for a CT scan. Go home, get some rest and come back tomorrow, we should have more information by then.” Patting Booker affectionately on the knee she returned to her duties.
Booker remained in the waiting room for another ten minutes before leaving the hospital and driving home. Entering his apartment, he threw his car keys in the metal bowl by the door. He had barely collapsed onto the couch before a second wave of dizziness hit him. As his vision blurred, he realized that he had not eaten since breakfast. Mall food was not an appetizing option and he had risen too late to make himself lunch. Waiting until his sight returned to normal, he carefully stood up. On wobbly legs, he walked to the kitchen and grabbed day old pizza and a beer from the fridge. He returned to the couch and switched on the TV. Settling back, he satisfied both his hunger and thirst, before slowly drifting into an exhausted sleep.
**
Having awoken late, Booker only just made it to his shift on time. His co-worker’s face showed that he was unimpressed with his new partner, but Dennis barely registered his colleague’s dissatisfaction, his mind was on Tom and how he would be able to see him once his interminably long workday was over. Not wanting to duplicate his performance of the previous evening, he made sure he ate a filling lunch so as not to have to bother with eating at the hospital. He wanted to spend as much time with Tom as he could now that there were signs he was recovering. More than anything else, he wanted to be the one who was at Hanson’s bedside when he finally became aware of his surroundings.
Exiting the mall car park, Booker could feel his excitement mounting. He knew he had overly high expectations as to what he would encounter when he walked into the ICU, but he just could not help it. The thought of seeing Tom’s soft brown eyes was exhilarating. The fact that Tom would have no awareness of him even being in the room did not dampen his spirits. Hanson opening his eyes was just the first step and everything else that would once again make Tom whole would ultimately follow.
Stepping out of the elevator, Dennis almost collided with Penhall. “Hey,” Dennis greeted his ex colleague enthusiastically. “Have you seen him?”
Doug ran a hand across his tired eyes. He had been sitting with Hanson for most of the day and exhaustion from doing nothing had set in. Seeing the hope and exhilaration in Dennis’ eyes only pulled him down further. With a sigh, he took Booker by the arm and steered him into the waiting room. “Let’s grab a coffee okay?”
“Is something wrong? Booker asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Without replying, Penhall pushed several coins into the coffee vending machine and waited patiently for the cups to fill. By the time he had finished, Booker was almost beside himself with worry.
“Here,” Doug said, handing a steaming cup of black coffee to Dennis before sitting down. He again ran his hand over his tired eyes before speaking. “Booker, I think you need to be prepared… it’s just… I don’t know what you’re expecting but seeing Tom lying there with his eyes open but not actually seeing… well, it’s kind of unnerving.”
Dennis slowly nodded as his jubilant mood evaporated. He had been stupid to get so excited over such a small step in Tom’s recovery. Nurse Jackson had explained everything to him the night before but he had allowed his imagination to run away with the idea of Tom being awake. He had dreamed about Tom the previous night and had awoken to find himself fully aroused. As he brought himself to orgasm he imagined it was Hanson’s hand around his cock and not his own. His expectations concerning Tom’s recovery were too high and he knew he was setting himself up for a massive disappointment. He needed a serious reality check if he was going to make it through the next few months and be there to help Tom in whatever way he needed.
Turning his head, he gave Penhall a sad smile. “You’re right, it was stupid of me to imagine everything would be fine just because Tom’s opened his eyes. It’s just I…” his voice trailed off without finishing the words miss him so much.
“C’mon,” Penhall said, throwing his empty cup into the trash. “I’ll take you in to see him.”
**
Lying in bed unable to sleep, Booker thought back over the nights events. Penhall had been right, seeing Tom staring sightlessly into space was unsettling. It had been far easier to see Tom with his eyes closed, as if asleep. Nevertheless, Booker had stayed until the night staff asked him to leave. Driving home, he had stopped at a bar for a nightcap. One drink turned into five and he knew he would feel like shit in the morning. However, the Jack Daniels had the desired effect in relaxing both his mind and body. He considered buying a bottle and taking it home but he knew that scenario would only end in disaster. Alcohol was not the answer to his worries. He needed to keep a clear head and hold onto his job if he was going to be of any help to Tom.
**
A month passed and each day for Dennis was a repetition of the day before; work at the mall then to the hospital to see Tom. Only on Sundays did the routine vary. Dennis would work out in the morning and visit Tom in the afternoon until visiting hours ended at 8pm. He found conversation more difficult after such a long period so he had begun reading the newspaper to Tom instead. Penhall usually visited on Sunday afternoons as well and Booker was grateful for the company. During their time together, he and Doug had become close to the point of actually being friends. It was lonely sitting day after day with an unresponsive patient, but Dennis never considered not coming in to see Tom. The ICU had become his existence and his life of old was a distant memory.
Tom’s condition remained stagnant over the ensuing weeks. His CT scans had however, provided some good news. The swelling on Tom’s brain was no longer evident. Tom’s breathing tube had been removed, as had the cast on his wrist. However, his arm remained in a sling as a reminder to the nurses to turn him with care. It was a shock for Booker the first time he had witnessed a nurse rolling Tom over. A large bandage stained in blood, covered the top of Hanson’s back. When the nurse removed it, Booker could see that the word WHORE crudely carved deep into Tom’s skin. Tears had filled Dennis’ eyes at the degradation his friend had been subjected to. He could only hope that the bastard who had hurt Tom would eventually be found. The case, according to Penhall, had gone cold and no other men had been attacked. That however, did not mean that they had given up. Harry was still undercover, although Judy was currently on another assignment.
Day thirty-eight heralded a promising sign. Booker had been sitting silently, holding Tom’s hand. At first, he thought he had imagined the slight squeeze of his fingers but when it happened for a second time, he jumped to his feet, calling out Nurse Jackson’s name. When Doctor Reid entered, Booker had been briskly ushered from the ICU. Time stood still as Dennis waited in the corridor, not daring to get his hopes up. Within minutes, Nurse Jackson appeared wearing a huge smile and this time, he knew it was good news.
Walking rapidly towards her he heard the words he had been longing to hear. “Dennis, he’s waking up.”
**
Dennis had not been permitted back into the ICU following Tom’s awakening, so he had instead driven to Doug’s apartment. A disheveled Penhall opened the door and seeing Dennis’ tear-filled eyes, he quickly ushered him in.
Doug’s voice was frantic when he asked, “What is it? What’s happened?”
As a tear slowly trailed down Dennis’ cheek, Doug’s face visibly paled. Then Dennis smiled, and laughing and crying at the same time, he explained how Tom had squeezed his hand.
Grabbing a couple of beers, Doug motioned for Dennis to sit down as he handed him his drink. “So what did the Doc say?” he asked, swigging down half his bottle in an effort to steady his shaky hands.
“He didn’t. I mean, I didn’t speak to him but Nurse Jackson said it was a sign that he was waking up,” Dennis replied happily.
“Booker…” Penhall paused, as he chose his words carefully. “You know it could still take months—”
Dennis slammed his beer down onto the table. “Damn it Penhall, I know that! I just need to be happy when I see some progress and I don’t care how long it takes. This is Tom we’re talking about. Don’t you want him back the way he was?”
“Of course I do!” Doug snapped back angrily. “But I’m not blind to the fact that he may never be the Tom we all knew.”
“Would it matter?” Booker asked quietly, his dark eyes staring Doug down.
Penhall did not reply. He sat thinking what it would be like not to have his best friend back the way he used to be. Sadness filled his heart at the prospect of never again sharing a stupid McQuaid-ism with his partner. But Booker was right, it should not matter. What was important was that Tom was alive. Everything else he would deal with as necessary.
Looking at Dennis, he saw only a devotion for Tom in the brown eyes. “You really care about him don’t you?” he asked.
Booker’s dark eyes softened and taking a deep breath, he replied tenderly. “I love him Doug.”
Penhall did not respond. He wondered if Booker was slightly delusional in his feelings for Tom. Even though he had read Dennis’ report, he could not imagine that Tom had behaved in the manner that had been described. But he could not fault the dedication Booker had shown to Tom since the attack. If nothing else, Booker had proved himself to be a valuable and loyal friend to Tom and Doug hoped that when Tom woke up, he would appreciate it.
Taking Doug’s silence as disapproval, Booker finished his beer and stood up. “Guess I’ll get going,” he muttered as he walked to the door.
“Booker wait, I didn’t—” but Doug’s sentence was cut off by the slamming of the door.
**
Over the coming week, Tom continued to react to touch by returning a squeeze to Booker’s hand or moving his head when Booker stroked his hair. Although impatient for more, Dennis accepted that Penhall was right and Tom’s progress would be slow. Nurse Jackson had shown him how to apply physiotherapy to Tom’s arms and legs. Dennis spent hours diligently working Hanson’s limbs in the hope that it would make a difference when he finally woke up. However, his greatest wish was for Hanson’s brown eyes to focus on his own.
The Jump Street team still visited but not as often as previously. Penhall was Tom’s only other real visitor apart from Dennis. After the night at Doug’s apartment, neither Booker nor Penhall had alluded to Dennis’ declaration of love for Hanson. For that, Booker was eternally grateful. He knew Penhall did not understand and he did not want his feelings for Tom to sour their new and rather shaky friendship. Penhall was Hanson’s best friend and by default that made Doug someone Dennis wanted to know. Also, he was appreciative of Doug’s company at the hospital. Since Tom’s attack, Booker had distanced himself from most of his friends, mainly because he just did not have the time to socialize anymore. Not that he minded, he had never really been one for company but having Doug around to share in the small achievements of Tom’s recovery was most welcome. He was careful not to show Tom too much affection when Doug was in the room, as he did not want to make Penhall uncomfortable. However, both men would hold Hanson’s hands and try to stimulate Tom’s inactive brain with squeezes and strokes. It was during one of these sessions that Tom turned his head to stare unfocusedly at Penhall.
“Hey Tommy,” Doug murmured. “When are you gonna come back to us, huh?”
Tom’s eyes blinked closed for a moment before reopening. Instead of the blank stare, Penhall could see panic in Hanson’s eyes.
Startled, Doug jumped to his feet, the force knocking over his chair. “JESUS!” he proclaimed loudly. “Get the fucking Doctor!”
Unnerved, Booker stared down at Tom’s face, only to see the same fear and confusion that Penhall had witnessed. He squeezed Hanson’s hand tightly in both of his. “It’s okay Tom,” he soothed, his voice shaking uncontrollably from the shock. “You’re going to be okay, do you hear me? You’re going to be okay.”
When Doctor Reid arrived, both men were asked to leave the room. Walking into the corridor Penhall placed a trembling hand on Booker’s shoulder. At the contact, Dennis let out a loud sob and burying his face in his hands, he stumbled blindly down the hallway. Hurrying after him, Penhall grabbed hold of Booker and pulled him into his arms. Dennis fought to get away but Penhall held him tightly until Booker finally succumbed and broke down in the Jump Street officer’s arms.
**
One week after his awakening, Hanson had been moved to a private room. A week later, although still not speaking, Tom was starting to make positive progress with his recovery. However, it was around that time that Dennis began to notice subtle changes in Tom’s behavior. At first, Booker had been delighted at the room change as it meant more alone time with Tom. Gradually though, Hanson began to withdraw from any contact with Booker. Whenever Dennis tried to take Tom’s hand or stroke his hair, Hanson would pull away. Waiting until Sunday, he observed Hanson’s reaction to Penhall. Tom’s whole demeanor changed when Doug entered the room. He seemed content to let Penhall hold his hand, all the while never taking his eyes off his friend. Booker took his concerns to Doctor Reid and was abruptly dismissed as being overly clingy and to give Hanson some space to be able to process all that had happened to him. When Hanson began to ignore Booker completely, Dennis could hold back no longer. He sat down on the edge of the bed and taking Hanson’s hand in his he asked, “Tommy, what’s wrong?”
Pulling his hand away, Tom turned to Penhall. Booker attempted again to take Hanson’s hand but this time Hanson jerked violently away as a soft gurgling sound emitted from his lips. Both Dennis and Doug leaned closer, as it was the first sound Tom had uttered. Hanson eyes desperately searched Penhall’s face as if looking for an answer. A minute passed before Tom managed to croak, “W-w-why?”
Doug’s face lit up at the sound of his friend’s voice. “Why what Tommy?”
Hanson swallowed several times before motioning towards Booker with his eyes. “W-w-why’s… he… h-here?” he asked in a faltering voice.
The pain in Dennis’ eyes was immediately evident. “Tommy please!” Booker implored, trying again to take Hanson’s hand. “Don’t you remember?”
Wrenching his hand away and dismissing Dennis with a turn of his head, Tom uttered, “G-g-get out.”
Standing, Booker made one final effort to meet Tom’s eyes. Having failed, he silently left the room.
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