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He's the One That I Want	By : KTT2123 Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 8526 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor its characters. I am making no money from this.

Chapter List
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Looking for Reid, Morgan cannot help but ponder over what his mama had said. His first reaction is to deny. To deny that Reid loves him, deny what his mama said, to deny that he could have feelings for another man, for his best friend, for Reid. He wants to run, as Spencer has, to run away from it. It would be so much easier to just ignore it, to suppress it…and much harder to face it. For once he is going to have to face his problems head on, to deal with it instead of sweeping it under the rug or locking it up in an unreachable part of his mind. If he had more time, if Spencer wasn’t already running away, Derek might have had time to panic, time to deny everything. But with Spencer fleeing, Morgan has very little time to freak out.
What his mother had said echoes in his mind:
“You call him Pretty Boy.” Derek can’t help but remember what Spencer’s friend Josh said: “You aren’t the only one that thinks Spencer is pretty.” He remembers the smug look on Josh’s face, as if he knew exactly how Derek sees Spencer. He remembers the confusion he felt before he suppressed it. *When did I start calling him that? Why am I always calling him Pretty Boy? Do I think Reid is…pretty? Do I find him attractive? Is this why I call him that? I mean it’s not really a normal thing for one man to call another man, at least for men that are supposedly merely friends. And I don’t mean it in a demeaning way, either. Despite what I’ve told myself in the past, I don’t honestly think the nickname came about as a joke, not entirely at least. Is the reason behind the nickname because I’m attracted to him or because I can see he’s attractive in a general sense? I don’t know. Maybe deep in my mind, I do find him attractive and the nickname is a way to unconsciously express that without having to actually admit it, to face it. It’s always felt natural, right even to call him that. To ruffle his boy band hair and call him Pretty Boy. In the past few months, it seems I call and think of him as Pretty Boy, more than his own name. It feels right to call him that, so right that I never really considered why I do or what it really means. No one else calls him Pretty Boy and I don’t think I’d like it if anyone did. It’s MY name for him.*
“You tease him incessantly…but only him.” *That doesn’t mean anything! It’s so easy to rile Pret—Reid. No one else on the team reacts to my teasing like he does. That doesn’t mean I have…feelings for him!*
“You are constantly touching him.” *Do I seriously touch him that much? Why am I touching him all the time? How many times do I ruffle his hair or put an arm around his shoulder? I don’t do that with the others. I rarely touch anyone else. What the hell does that mean?! If Mama notices it and she hardly sees us together, how didn’t I realize how often I touch him? How didn’t I notice that he’s the only one I touch? How didn’t the team? I…I like touching him. I like that he…enjoys my touch. I like that he doesn’t jerk away or jump when it’s me that touches him. I like that I’m the only one he allows to touch him without feeling uncomfortable or unsure. I don’t think I could stop myself from touching him. Is it because he’s my best friend…and I love him…love showing my affection for him? Because I love that he trusts me enough, is comfortable enough to allow me to touch him? Or is it because I want to, NEED to, because I have feelings for him, deeper feelings than I realize or want to admit?*
“You’re always talking about him with indescribable affection.” *That’s only because we’re friends…best friends. Yes, that’s the reason. Of course, I would talk about him a lot. Of course I sound fond, he’s my best friend!* Derek can feel himself lying. Making excuses, even if it is just to himself. It would be simple to explain away his behavior but all he can think is: *Doesn’t Reid deserve an honest response to his declaration of love? Even if he did yell it at me.* Morgan knows he can’t take the easy way. He can’t hide from the problem or suppress it until it’s like it never happened. Not this time. Derek can’t hurt Spencer like that, can’t pretend it didn’t happen, that his feelings don’t matter. Reid is his best friend and he deserves honesty from him. Derek knows he needs to find out how he really feels about Spencer and fast. His Pretty Boy is in full out protection mode. He’ll run, run as far and as fast as he can. Run from Derek, from the team that has been his family for eight years, from the job he loves just to protect himself from rejection. He’ll run from everything and everyone. And Reid would be all alone again. Morgan feels a deep, aching chasm spring up inside at the thought of Spencer all alone without anyone around who loves him. Without anyone who appreciates him for him, appreciates how unique, how special he is. He feels such a painful emptiness deep inside him at the thought of never seeing Reid again. The mere thought is somehow like being consumed by darkness…filled completely with sadness, pain, and loneliness that he can never escape. Derek can no longer ignore it, cannot pretend that there isn’t a place in his life, an important…no vital one that can only be filled by Spencer.
*Okay, I admit it. It’s not just because we’re friends. Garcia is my best friend too but I don’t talk about her that much. And okay, I admit it. My feelings for Spencer are worlds apart different than those I feel for Baby Girl. Pretty Boy…oh God, I’m doing it again. I have to admit it. He’s Pretty Boy to me, in my mind, in my heart. He…fascinates me. A man that intelligent, he’s a walking encyclopedia, his damn eidetic memory, reads 20,000 words a minute, how can you not be fascinated by someone like that? Graduating high school at 12, being the youngest FBI agent ever. He could have chosen anything with his brilliant mind but he chose the FBI so he could help people. Earning three doctorates before he was twenty-one, and holding three undergrad degrees and somehow working on two more even with the hours we keep. And he just turned thirty! I should be jealous but Pretty Boy is so damn endearing. He’s awkward and socially clueless. He can recite facts, no one else knows, but can’t hold a simple conversation with a woman. Pretty Boy’s constantly rambling on about facts that no one else knows…or sometimes cares to know. But it’s so endearing, I love his rambling, it is such a part of who he is. It is what makes Reid, Reid. My Pretty Boy should be arrogant because when is he NOT the smartest person in the room? And despite his appearance, he’s not weak. People constantly underestimate him. It is what makes him our secret weapon. Spencer might be the strongest person I know, psychologically. His father leaving, tortured and teased in school, his mother’s illness, basically being the parent to her instead of the child at only ten. My childhood wasn’t the easiest either but I had my mom and sisters to lean on; he had no one. As if his father hadn’t done enough damage by leaving, he actually rejected Spencer because he’s bisexual, HIS OWN FATHER! I disliked the man before but now I fucking hate him for all the pain he’s caused my Spencer.*
Derek’s hands tighten painfully around the steering wheel in anger, not even realizing he called Reid his. He deliberately breathes deep, holding it before releasing it slowly. It helps him let go of his fury and tension, so he can think again. *Pretty Boy’s been kidnapped, tortured, and overcome drug addiction. How many times has he faced death and lived? Maybe bruised and battered but never broken. I wonder if anyone else realizes just how strong he really is, if he even realizes it. Pretty Boy is a puzzle I feel urged to solve. He’s…simply amazing. How did I not notice that? How can a man that brilliant…interesting… endearing…sexy…want me, a jaded, broken man? Oh shit, I just admitted I find him sexy. How is my mama always right?* Instead of dwelling on this, Derek quickly moves on.
“You brought him food and coffee. You don’t do that for anyone else…And none of the team seemed to thinking anything of it.” *I’ve been treating him like I would someone I’m with. He’s perfectly capable of getting his own food or coffee but I bring it to him. How many times have I gotten him coffee at work? Every time I get coffee, I bring him some. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes I go get coffee even if I don’t want any, simply as an excuse to bring him coffee. I know exactly how much sugar he likes in his coffee…and it’s a lot! It took me WEEKS to figure out just the right amount; there is more sugar than coffee in his preferred cup! I never bring anyone else coffee. I do it not because I have to or because he asks but because I want to. I want to do things for him. I want to see his smile when I do things for him. I want to see that special smile he reserves just for me.*
“He needs someone that will protect and care for him, even if it’s only against himself.” *I want to be that person. I want to protect him. To take care of him, to show him how amazing he truly is. I want to make him realize he’s perfect, just the way he is. I want to show him how much I love him. Oh My God…I LOVE him! I’m in love with Dr. Spencer Reid. Holy fuck! When did that happen?!*
Derek halts his thoughts for a second, wondering how long he’s been in love Spencer without even knowing it. How deep in denial has he been and for how long?! Because despite the suddenness of the realization, he recognizes it is true. He loves Spencer. Somehow Reid got under all Morgan’s defenses and buried himself deep in his heart without him even realizing it. So deep that Derek doubts he can live without him. *I simply want him…want to be with him. As scary as it is, I want a real relationship, commitment with my Pretty Boy. I want forever with him. How am I only realizing this now? I HAVE to find him! Please, God, let me find him before it is too late!*
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He's the One That I Want