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Bridging The Past	By : IdrilsSecret Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1906 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters. No money is being made from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
Chapter 7 – More Questions Than Answers

We escaped the mine, Sam and I with our lives, and Cas with his freedom, though he didn’t know it yet. I hated to think what would happen if he ever found out what happened to those two angels, or that I was the one who gave the order to destroy them. The way I saw it, it had to be done. Those two almost killed Cas that night he came to the bunker with his stomach sliced and nearly dead. I hoped Cas wouldn’t find out about them, but if he ever did, I’d argue until the cows came home that I made the right call.
Crowley wasn’t talking. Every time I asked him what he needed us for, he just said we’d discuss it when we got someplace quiet. I didn’t trust him, but there had been those few times when he was an ally. We didn’t like working together, but it was necessary once in a while. So now he needed us, and I had a slight bit of confidence knowing I was on this side of things.
We got to the car, and Sam and I jumped in the front. “Close call, huh?” I said to my brother.
“Too close. What happened anyways?” Sam asked. “I don’t remember anything after that guy punched out my lights.”
“Well, the woman threatened to vamp you if I didn’t call Cas, which left me no choice but to do as she said. They had a trap of holy oil set up for him. And then the other angels popped in and got the same treatment. Finally, and I’m still trying to figure out why, but Crowley showed up. The vamps had a deal with the angels first, to trade Cas for us. Crowley said he sweetened the deal, and the vamps turned on the angels. In the end, when the vamps threatened to kill us, Crowley did one of those ‘snap of the fingers, now you’re dead’ things, put out the flames around Cas, and we were out of there.”
“What about the angels that have been chasing Cas?” Sam just had to ask about them.
I shrugged my shoulders and tried to keep the guilty look from my face. “Uh, we left them back there. The rest of the vamps will probably deal with them. Whatever, man, the important thing is that we made it out. Now we need to get Crowley to tell us what he wants us for. That’s the whole reason he helped us escape. He’s got some kind of job for us or something. I don’t know. He’s not talking yet.”
“Things never go smoothly when Crowley’s involved,” Sam said skeptically.
“Yeah, I know.” I noticed that the other two weren’t in the car yet and I yelled out the window. “Let’s go.”
“I’m not sitting in the back seat next to this demon,” Cas demanded.
Crowley raised each arm as though sniffing his armpits. “I’m sorry, do I offend?”
“You are an abomination to this world, and I refuse to have anything to do with you,” Cas complained.
“Dean,” Crowley called. “You want to talk some sense into your boy toy? We don’t have the time for this right now.”
I rolled my eyes and got out of the driver’s seat. “Get in the car, Cas.”
“I will not sit next him.” He was very serious about this. I didn’t need his defiance right now. Any minute, there was going to be a mob of vamps flooding out of the old coal plant.
“Fine, Sam, move to the back. Cas, sit up front.”
“Oh no,” Crowley refused. “I’m not riding in a car with those two sitting next to each other. They’ll start making googly eyes at one another and next thing you know the car swerves off the road and we’re in a ditch somewhere.”
“I would never distract Dean while he’s operating such a dangerous piece of machinery,” Cas countered.
Crowley looked at me with disbelief. “Really, what do you see in him?”
I was quickly losing patience with them all. “Oh for the love of pie. Fine! Sam and Cas in the back. Crowley up front. Move it! Now!” And without any more complaints, we were finally on our way out of there.
We drove for a while in silence, each man within his own thoughts. I could see Cas in the rear view mirror. He was looking out the window, brows furrowed. Something was bothering him, but I couldn’t tell what it was. We hadn’t had a chance to talk about anything that happened yet. I just hoped everything was alright. Instead of thinking about it, I decided to start trying to get something out of Crowley.
“Sam and I gotta get home, and we need to get Cas somewhere safe. You, however, can’t come with us, so you better get talking. What exactly is going on that you need our help?” I said sternly.
“You really like jumping right into business, don’t you? No tackle and tickle, no foreplay. Is the angel alright with that?” Crowley jostled.
“Shut your filthy mouth,” Cas said from the backseat.
“You want to come up here and make me?” Crowley defended.
“It would be my pleasure,” Cas said.
Crowley crossed his arms and leaned back against the seat. “And after all I did for you back there.”
“We would have been just fine without you,” I said, taking the focus off of Cas.
“Oh would you? And just how were you planning on killing those vampires with your hands and feet bound, laying on the hard cold floor? I guess you could have rolled into them, huh?” Crowley shook his head. “I could have just grabbed you back there, and let Moose and the angel rot, but I thought, no, if I have to save one, I have to save them all or I’d never hear the end of it. You know–”
He went on and on complaining, and it was really wearing thin on my nerves. I looked in the mirror again, and caught Sam’s eye. We had a signal for when we were about to do something in times like this, especially when Crowley displayed his diarrhea-of-the-mouth syndrome. I braced my hands on the steering wheel and straightened my arms, then gave Sam a wink. He nodded, understanding my meaning. Then I tilted my head in Cas’ direction, and Sam got the hint. Sam nudged Cas, and without saying a word, showed him how to brace himself in the back seat by doing what I was doing with my arms. Cas looked confused, and looked at me in the mirror. My eyes shifted towards Crowley and back. Cas imitated Sam and me, readying ourselves for what I was about to do.
“And that’s another thing about you three. Every time I think I’ve got something . . .” Crowley went on, oblivious to what I was about to do.
No one was around us on the road. It was the perfect time. “Don’t you ever shut up?” I asked rudely.
“Excuse me?” said Crowley, offended. “I am the King of Hell and if I want to–”
“Oh for shit’s sake. Can it, Crowley,” I said.
“You know what, Dean? Fu–” He didn’t finish his insult because I slammed on the brakes, making him hit his head on the dash. The rest of us had our arms braced, and Crowley was the only one unprepared. The tires screeched and the smell of hot brakes and burning rubber filled the car. Crowley slowly sat up, a nice big red mark on his forehead. It took him a second to realize what had just happened, and he touched his fingers to his head. He made a face like he was in pain. “Ow!” he complained. “What the hell did you do that for?”
“Get out of the car!” I yelled.
“What?” he cried in disbelief.
“Get out of the fucking car,” I said again. I opened my door and jumped out, making my way around the front to the passenger side. I threw the door open and stood to the side. “I’m not going another inch until you tell me what the hell you’re doing here. Obviously you’ve got some kind of agenda, and you’ve been wasting time instead of telling us what you want. So whatever it is, if you want us to even consider helping you, which I highly doubt we are going to do now, then you’ll tell us what kind of shit you want us for, because I don’t believe you or trust you.”
“Alright, fine,” Crowley said, climbing out of the car, still holding his hand over the bump starting to grow on his head.
I heard Sam and Cas get out too, but my main attention was focused on Crowley. We were parked to the side of some two lane highway, the only light coming from my headlights. Crowley paced back and forth a few times, still dealing with his head. Cas came to my side, watching every move that Crowley made. I couldn’t help but feel like he was posturing, protecting me from this unpredictable demon. I didn’t think Crowley would try anything at this point, but then again, you can’t spell unpredictable without dick. Cas was smart to keep his guard up.
“Ok, here’s the deal,” Crowley started. “Being the King of Hell, I have my people spread all over the globe, keeping tabs on things, checking in regularly, and reporting any unusual findings. Of course for me, unusual findings means possible recruits. Anyways, there have been multiple reports of some kind of animal attacks, big as a bear, takes the victims head off in one bite, smells like a dumpster.”
“Yeah, we’ve seen those too,” Sam said. “And although it’s horrible sounding, it’s nothing out of the ordinary. The locations of the victims are in areas where there are bear populations, and attacks happen randomly, usually because campers don’t know how to properly store or dispose of their food.”
“Walking encyclopedia, this one,” Crowley said with snarky humor.
“If it acts like a bear, smells like a bear, and resembles a bear, it’s usually a bear,” I said, unimpressed. “You got to do better than that, Crowley.”
“It’s not a bear. It’s not a werewolf or a wendigo or a rugaru either,” Crowley added.
“All the characteristics check out for this thing being a bear,” I said, “except for the size. People said it was much larger than any normal bear species, but eye witnesses aren’t very accurate in situations like this. It’s nothing more than a bear.”
“You know, just once, if you’d get your head out of your arse and listen to what I have to say–” Crowley complained.
Cas stepped between me and Crowley, hatred in his eyes. “Back off, demon, and show some respect.”
Crowley shook his head and laughed to himself. “Well if it isn’t the dynamic duo, a modern day Gamgee and Baggins.”
“Who?” Castiel and I said in unison.
“Sam and Frodo?” my brother said. “From Lord of the Rings … Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins?”
“Oh yeah. I saw those films. Great movies, man,” I remembered.
“I seem to recall very little about this cinematography,” Cas added.
“It was a series of books long before it was made into movies,” Sam informed. “You know, Elves, Dwarves, Hobbits and The One Ring, written by Tolkien?”
“Ah, yes,” Cas smiled. “Now I remember. Excellent story. The man was ahead of his time.”
Crowley rolled his eyes. “Are we done yet?”
“So,” I continued with our original discussion. “If it’s not a bear, or so you say, then what the hell do you think it is?”
“I have no idea,” he said shrugging his shoulders.
Sam came forward. “What’s it matter to you anyways? You never gave a rat’s ass about creatures killing people before.”
“Yeah, Crowley, why do you care if a new form of evil had found its way here?” I asked distrusting him.
“Because these things don’t stop at killing humans. They are taking demons,” Crowley said. “Every demon I put out there to investigate has disappeared. I mean, they are gone, vanished into thin air. If they were killed, they’d end up back in hell, but they’re all no shows. I want to know where they’ve gone and who’s taken them.”
I smiled haughtily. “Demons are disappearing, and I should care why?”
“Because no one collects demons to achieve something good. No one collects demons, period. Well, except me, but that’s for business purposes only. The fact is, they are missing, not dead, which tells me someone somewhere is up to no good, and if their ultimate goal is to take over hell … well … I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but do you really want someone else running the show down there?”
I studied Crowley for a moment. He was difficult to read, but I actually felt that he had real concern about this, no matter how ridiculous it sounded. Still, I wasn’t convinced, and I really didn’t give a crap if demons were disappearing.
“You said you have people checking it out. What do you need us for?” I asked.
“Because you have that big fancy complex full of all kinds of references.” He had a point. We had access to just about every book, object or spell used for good or evil.
“I don’t know,” I said with skepticism.
Crowley was getting fed up. “Why is it, when the angel asks for something, you’re right there, no questions asked, but when I ask for the tiniest of favors, it’s all suspicion and awkward stares. How many times have I helped you, and out of the kindness of my own heart . . .”
I was officially done. “You know what? Screw you! Figure it out on your own, you bastard. Sam, Cas, back in the car. Crowley, find your own way. We’re out of here.”
“Wait, Dean,” Crowley pleaded. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. It’s just … all this has me anxious, and … well … I’ve always lacked patience. All I’m asking is that you do a little research on this,” Crowley begged, which made me skeptical.
“I don’t know. Giant bears killing humans and stealing demons. It all sounds a little far-fetched–”
“But we’ll look into it,” Sam interrupted.
“We will?” I said surprised that he was siding with the enemy.
“Yeah, and besides, we need to get Cas under the radar. Those angels won’t be held captive for long.”
Crowley looked at me as if he was going to expose my secret about the angels if I didn’t agree to this. “Good point,” he said. “But I think you have quite a long head start over them.”
I narrowed my eyes on him. “Alright, fine,” I said through clenched teeth.
Crowley patted me on the back. “Good. Well, I must be on my way. By for now, ladies. Call me when you have something. You know my number.” He disappeared, leaving me, Sam and Cas standing by the car.
“Guess we’ve got homework to do,” Sam said.
“You really want to help him?” I asked. All I wanted to do was go back to the bunker and sleep for a week.
“He was right about demons vanishing. If someone is collecting them, or using them for some scheme far worse than anything Crowley has ever done, then I think we should do a little digging. Maybe we come up with nothing, and Crowley is just exaggerating. But maybe it’s serious. I don’t want to get caught off guard, especially if something new is brewing.”
“Alright,” I finally agreed. “But first … some rest. It’s been a hell of a week.”
* * * * *
Since it was no secret anymore, Cas and I didn’t have to sneak around. At least, we waited until Sam went to bed before we retired to my room. Tomorrow we would start looking into things for Crowley. Tonight, though, it was just me and Cas again, and sooner than I thought it would be. Last time he was here, he said he had to go away for a while. I knew it was because of the angels trailing him, but they were gone now. He didn’t know that, and I wanted to keep things that way. But he seemed different, like only part of him was with me, here in my room.
He wasn’t completely unresponsive. Cas came up to me and kissed me lightly, his signal to me that he was ready for me to undress him. He knew how much pleasure it gave me to strip him of his clothes. It became our routine soon after we started sleeping together. Once we were both undressed, we slipped beneath the sheets, Cas first and then I moved in behind him, spooning him in my arms. Angels didn’t sleep, but he always laid in bed with me while I took my rest. I think it comforted us both. At least in that one moment in time, we knew we were safe and together. My eyes grew too heavy to keep them open anymore, and I succumbed to my slumber.
I awoke a couple hours later, and Cas was still in the same place. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was asleep. His breathing was slow and steady, and with his back to me, I couldn’t see if his eyes were open. The sheet only came up to our waists, and I snaked my arm over his side, my hand caressing the trail of hair that led straight down from his bellybutton.
“You’re awake,” he said.
“Mm hmm,” I replied, as I kissed the back of his shoulder and neck. I shifted my hips, pushing myself against his backside. He tensed a bit, which sent up a red flag. “Something wrong?” I asked gently.
“No … well … it’s just …”
“If you’re worried about protection . . .” And by protection, I meant the warding symbol that was now hidden in my closet.
“No, it’s not that.” He went silent again. I continued to caress him, and when my hand dipped beneath the sheet, he started talking again. “I met with some of my people.” I immediately stopped my ministrations.
“Who?”
“Other angels, ones who support me. I wanted to know what was being said about me. All I knew was what the two angels who were chasing me had said, that my behavior was unacceptable, and that I was wanted for trial.”
“You said there are some who support you. That’s a good thing, right?”
“Well, they support me … yes. But they … don’t support us.”
“Oh,” I said disappointedly. “Then how can you label that as support?”
“They want me to come home. They understand what it means to live on earth for so long that you begin to feel human. They don’t want to see me punished. But they want to see me start anew, and stay up there where I can be of better service.”
“What did you tell them?” I wondered.
“I didn’t tell them anything. They did most of the talking. Some had stories similar to mine. None of them ended very well.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t find out because you called me, and I abandoned them. But before I went, they said that what I’m experiencing is a side effect of residing within a vessel for so long, and from living amongst humans all these years now. They said it’s recrudescing, that the feelings I’m having are causative of the long term occupation of a human vessel.”
“Say that again, slower and in English,” I teased.
“I’ve been living as a human for so long that my mind has tricked itself into thinking it is human, and my feelings for you are residual emotions from the body I now possess.”
“You don’t believe that, do you?”
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” he said.
“But that explanation doesn’t even make sense, Cas. There’s no one in the vessel with you anymore. There’s no one there to influence your thinking. It’s just you inside flesh, and nothing more. You of all people must know that when a human dies, their soul leaves the body.”
“I do know that, but isn’t it possible that some of that person’s energy remains behind?” he asked.
“The body is made up of flesh and bone, blood and muscle. Everyone has that, but what makes us individuals lies within our hearts, our souls, and our minds. You can’t see it or feel it. It’s invisible, like a spirit. And when we die, those things escape the flesh to find their place in the afterlife. The body remains behind to decay and return to the earth. I guess in a way, we are all vessels.”
“But for a long time, I did share this vessel with its owner. I experienced a lot of the things that he had. What if that’s what I’m feeling? What if I’m only remembering Jimmy’s emotions, and they are not my own?”
I removed my hand and my arm from his waist, and sat up on the edge of the bed. “So what are you saying, Cas … that none of this was ever real, because it sure the hell is real for me.” Anger seeped into my tone. I couldn’t help it.
Cas reached out to touch my arm, but I pulled away. “Dean . . .”
“So, have you always felt this way?”
“No, but I never gave it any deep thought before.”
“You know what I think? I think you’ve let those sons of bitches get in your head, and fill it with nonsense.” How could he do this to me? How could he question any of this, and after all we’ve been through? I hastily got out of bed and threw my pants on.
“Where are you going?” Cas asked.
“I need a beer,” I said and left my room, heading for the kitchen. When I got there, I threw open the refrigerator door. What food we had left was scarce, and the milk was spoiled. With everything that had happened recently, it left us with little time for anything else. At least there was beer. There was always beer.
A few moments later, Cas came in. He was wearing a pair of my sweats and a tank. He always looked good in my clothes. Even now, with my ire flaming, I couldn’t help but think that. I took a long swig from my beer, and set it down roughly.
“Do you have any idea how much I need you in my life?” I said from across the room, my voice low so as not to wake my brother. I doubted he would hear us though. His room was on the other side of the bunker. “Do you have any idea what you mean to me?”
“Of course I do, Dean.”
“Then why is it so difficult to understand what we have? If you love me … if you really care for me with your heart and soul, then it shouldn’t be so hard. It isn’t for me. I know what we have. It’s the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s the deepest love I’ve ever felt for someone.”
“It’s easier for you because you are human. These things come naturally to you.” he said. “You assume it is that way for me too, but the fact is, no matter how much you want me to be like you, I’m not. I’m not human, and I think you forget that. I’ve never known what it felt like to be in love, and I’m learning, but I have questions.”
“We all have questions, Cas. Even humans still question things like this,” I told him.
“But I needed to confer with my own kind.”
“So you went to your angel friends, and they gave you a load of crap.” I shook my head without looking at him. “What do they know about humans and real love? I’m sorry Cas, but I don’t trust any of your kind. All the one’s I’ve met or had dealings with have been real dicks. They twist truths, and make you see things the way they want you to see them, especially if it benefits their own agenda.”
“You’re talking about my brothers and sisters,” Cas said, seeming a little offended.
“Look at those two guys who were trailing you. They cut you, Cas, sliced open your stomach. They nearly killed you. And then they said they just wanted to take you in for questioning. That’s not how it works. I don’t think they cared whether they brought you back or not. If they really wanted you to have a fair trial, they wouldn’t have tried to snuff out your lights.”
Castiel looked down and away, avoiding eye contact with me. His hand went to the back of his neck, a clear sign that there was something more to the story than what he led me to believe. “It was me,” he whispered.
“What was you?” I didn’t know what he was talking about.
“They had caught up to me a few times prior to that incident. They were telling the truth. They just wanted to take me home. It’s what they were told to do, nothing more. I got tired of it, and the last time they found me, I got angry.” Cas stopped, eyes still cast towards the floor. “I was the one who attacked them. At first there was only one. I saw him before he saw me, and I jumped him. I pulled out my angel blade. I only meant to scare him, but things got out of control when the other angel appeared. He rushed me, we struggled. It was either him or me. It was almost me. I got away though, and you know the rest.”
“But you told me they tried to kill you.”
“I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you thinking … well, you remember what I’d become that time, all those angels that I had . . . I didn’t want you to think that I was turning back into that horrible person again. I just wanted to be left alone. I was only trying to scare them.”
Oh crap. Well, they would leave him alone now. “That’s why you said to let them go, back there at the mine.”
Cas nodded. “They never meant to kill me. They only acted out of self-defense.”
Now I really felt bad. I had Crowley waste them. Shit, I hoped Cas wouldn’t find out about that, but I thought they were the bad guys. “I know you can’t be what you once were. You screwed up. We’ve all done that, some of us more than others. But you’re different now, on the straight and narrow.”
“I was … until … we … happened.”
That stung a little, but I knew what he meant. Still . . . “Do you think what we are, what we feel for each other is wrong?”
He finally looked at me, and I could see he didn’t believe that, but I needed to hear him say it. “Dean, no. What we have is beautiful.”
“Then why are you questioning everything? You’ve got to learn to ignore the ones that make you feel bad about yourself and your choices. We are who we are. There’s no help for it. And as for the angel/human thing, so what. We’ve had a long time to learn about each other. We’ve been through a lot. We’ve grown together. You did the right thing and made the right choices when you had to. You waited until you were free to choose on your own. You don’t have anyone to answer to but yourself. Grasp onto that, Cas. Take hold of it. Make life what you want it to be. You control your destiny, and no one else. If you want to know what it’s like to be human, do all of those things.” I abandoned my beer and went to him. I played with the hem of his shirt, and then took his chin in my fingers. “Everything you feel, everything you decide to do is one hundred percent you. There’s no one feeding you information. There’s no residual energy making you experience your emotions. Everything powering you comes from right here,” I said pointing to his chest.
“Thanks,” he smiled, taking my hand lightly in his fingers. “I needed to hear that.”
I took his head in my hands, and kissed his forehead. “You’re part of this world now. You’re a part of me. You got that?”
“Yeah, I do.”
Just then I heard a slight rustle come from the hallway. I glanced from the corner of my eye and caught Sam moving away. “It’s late. Go back to bed. I’ll be there in a minute,” I told Cas. He nodded and left the kitchen. I picked up my beer, taking another swig, and sat at the counter. “You can come in now, Sammy.”
He appeared around the corner, face flushed pink from having been exposed for eavesdropping. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I just came out for something to drink.”
“It’s o.k.”
Sam got a glass out of the cabinet and held it under the water dispenser on the fridge. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah … yeah, fine. Cas is just … coming to terms with a few things,” I said.
“Sounded more serious than that,” he commented, and I wondered how long he had been standing in the hall.
“He just got some bad advice, that’s all. You don’t want to hear about our problems.”
“Dean, I’m always here for you, no matter what. So if you need someone to talk to . . .”
Sam still managed to surprise me from time to time. I really got the feeling that he was trying to understand me and my relationship with Cas. “Alright … well … apparently he swung by home to find out what they were saying about him and all this business. He sat down with some angels that he trusted to give him words of encouragement. They basically told him that what he was experiencing on earth was some kind of residual energy left over from Jimmy, and that none of the things he was feeling were his own emotions.”
“That’s pretty harsh,” Sammy said, making a face.
“Now, Cas is second guessing a lot of things … including us,” I whispered the last part. I felt awkward talking to Sam about this. Up until now, I kept my relationships to myself.
“Want me to … talk to him … or something?” Sam asked sincerely.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah right, the only straight man in the room is going to give relationship advice to his gay brother’s boyfriend.”
“I’m just trying to help,” he defended himself. “Besides, it can’t be that much different than a straight couple’s relationship.”
“No, not really, except for the fact that Cas is an angel. But that’s not a huge complication,” I said flippantly. That wasn’t fair, though. Sam was really trying here. “Listen, I know you want to help, but honestly, I don’t know what you can do. This is something that Cas needs to work out on his own. He knows I’m here for him.”
Sam traded his glass of water for a beer, and sat down on the stool next to me. “You really care for him, don’t you? I mean, you … love him.”
“Yes, very much so,” I said tersely.
“But don’t you ever think about … I don’t know … like, the future? I mean, what’s going to happen years from now? Cas doesn’t age, but you will. And then, when you die, what will happen to you both?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t given it much thought. You think too much Sammy,” I complained.
“These are the things that come to mind when I think about you and Cas … not that I spend my time thinking about you guys, but you know what I mean. It’s not an average relationship, and there may be difficulties down the road. Listen, I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’ll figure things out as I go along. Geez Sam, don’t you ever just live in the moment?” I was joking, of course, and Sam knew it. He threw his hand up in surrender.
“Alright, alright.” He laughed lightly and smiled. We each took a swig of our beer and I decided to change the subject before things got any more awkward than they already were.
“So, any thoughts about Crowley and whatever he has cooking up for us?” I asked.
“As usual, I don’t trust him, and I think that whatever he needs help with will turn out bad in the end. But whatever is going on, it’s better that we know about it so we can put a stop to it.”
“So where do we start?” I wondered.
“I don’t know. We need eye witness accounts. We need to see if Crowley has any, as well as human witnesses.”
“Just another day on the job,” I jested, stretching my arms over my head. “We’ll start on this in the morning. Right now, I’m too tired.”
“Yeah, me too. G’night, Dean,” Sam yawned, heading back to his room.
“’Night, Sammy.” I took my beer with me, and stopped to grab Sam’s too. No use letting good beer go to waste. Then I went back to my room, slowly easing the door open.
Cas was laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. His eyes were closed, but I knew he wasn’t asleep. I sat down in a chair, and watched him while I finished my beer. He slowly turned his head towards me, eyes focused on mine. There was lust in them, something feral, as though he had given in and stopped questioning everything. I didn’t say a word, but I watched him from my chair, and felt my body respond to his erotically suggestive stare. I bit my lower lip and shifted in my seat. Cas pushed up the tank top he wore, exposing his flat stomach, hands roaming over his bronze skin. I took a hard swig of my beer and sat the bottle on a side table. My fingers found their way to the button of my jeans, and slipped it through the hole. Then I unzipped the fly and pushed the flaps aside, exposing bristly dark hair that my fingertips traveled over. Cas’ hands went to the waistband of the gray sweats. His thumbs dipped inside, ran along the edge to the sides. He lifted his ass off the bed, and slowly started pushing the sweats down, stopping before he exposed too much of himself. I observed the silhouette of his firm body, the way the muscles in his arms flexed, the slight rippling of his stomach, and the fine contour of his perfect ass.
“What do you want?” I asked seductively.
“I want you,” he whispered.
I pushed my jeans off and stood, sauntering towards my wanton lover on the bed. Cas’ hips gyrated up and down, but he waited for me to come to him and finish stripping his clothes. I took the sweats down real slow, exposing his already swollen cock, and tossed them to the floor. Then I crawled on top of him and pushed his shirt up, showing his chest, which I gave my thorough attention to. His nipples pebbled as my tongue circled each one. I bit lightly, and he sucked air in through his clenched teeth. Gradually, I made my way down along his stomach, licking and sucking on the smooth skin. My hands found their way to his ass, squeezing as his hips lifted. A moan escaped my throat. “Mmm, you’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?” I purred. My arms hooked under his knees, and I pushed his legs up so he was in position. I took my time slipping into him.
“Oh, Dean,” he uttered in a breathy sigh.
We made love slowly, and I controlled him with my thrusts. Whenever he was close, I pulled back, giving sweet torture until neither one of us could hold back anymore. When he finally let go, he cried out my name, and that brought me to climax, stiff, hard and rigid, pulsating, surrounded by his heat. I released his legs, and they wrapped around my waist. I collapsed on top of him, and we stayed that way, melting into the euphoric aftershocks, my detumescent flesh satisfied to be within him.
“This is why it’s worth it,” I whispered. “This is why I won’t let them take you.”
“To be with you in this state, to feel you, to love you … how can this be wrong?” he said, convincing himself.
“They’ve never had what we have, Cas. This isn’t a figment of your imagination. This is real and it’s raw, and I’ll take down every angel in heaven to keep you with me.”
He kissed me and smiled. “I love you, Dean. I know that with all my heart, and I know I’ve been difficult lately. I’m sorry to put you through this … confusion. You’re re right. I let them get into my head. I should never have let them do that, but I thought they were helping me. They seemed so sincere. I just want them … all of them … to leave us alone.”
“So do I, Cas. So do I.” I came to rest at his side, and fell into some sort of half slumber. I was conscious of my surroundings, but I also felt weightless as though I floated between the two worlds. On my left was Cas, solid, real, warm. On my right, the empty wall seemed to fall away and open up, the scene constantly changing. I realized that I was seeing flashes of my past, but not the things that I usually conjured up in my mind. I didn’t just see all the turmoil, but the road that led me through all the bullshit. There was a time when I would have thought of myself as an idiot for making some of those decisions, but I was seeing it through a different pair of eyes. I now knew that the choices I made were the best options I had at the time. They didn’t always work out the way I wanted them to or hoped they would, but everything I did led me to where I was now. My life wasn’t perfect … far from it … but it was the best thing I’d had going for me. And yet, part of that path belonged to Castiel. When he came along, things really started to change, and I knew I was a better man for it.
I surfaced from my dreamlike state, and rolled onto my side, contouring to Castiel’s body. “Did I ever thank you?” I whispered in the dark.
“For what?” Cas asked.
“For all the times that you saved my life and rescued my soul, and I’m not talking about yanking me out of hell.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” he said honestly.
“I was a mess at one time. I thought it was easier to ignore small things, and let them work out on their own. What I didn’t know was that I was deteriorating, crumbling apart, rusting away. Slowly over time, I was just … eroding. When you met me, I was done. I was so done with life, with my life. But you help me come back,” I confessed, pulling him tighter against me.
Cas rolled over so we were facing each other. “I’ll always be there for you, Dean, no matter where our path leads us.”
“I know that now. You’ve had plenty of chances to bail on me, but you haven’t, even with all our mistakes and disadvantages. We’ve come so far, Cas. It’s been a long journey, and it’s not over by a long shot. I know there’s still a lot of road before me, and looking down that black ribbon makes me feel intimidated. I can only see so far before the mirage distorts it. Maybe it’s always felt that way, but having you with me sure makes the trip a lot more tolerable.”
He smiled, his full lips curving so that it reached the corners of his eyes. They danced with hope for a future that included both of us, and renewed me with confidence that it would come to pass. If Castiel, an angel of heaven, felt this emboldened, then I had to trust his unspoken prediction. “I’ll be with you until the end,” he said, but his smile lessened slightly as he turned his head to the side.
And that’s when it hit me, Cas’ questions, his uncertainty, his mission to seek the answers. There would be an end, eventually … my end. I knew my fate. Every person did. We lived … we died. It wasn’t like that for Castiel, no matter how close he came to feeling human. He’d been around since the creation of angels, and he would be here long after mankind disappeared. In the scheme of things, my mortal existence was like a blade of grass in God’s front lawn. But there had to be more to it than that, right?
“Hey,” I whispered against the side of his neck. “There’s something else you must learn about being human.”
“What’s that?”
“Live in the moment. Make the most of what’s been given to you, and relish the memories when it’s gone.”
“I’ll have to work on that last part,” he said somberly.
“You’ll have plenty of time before then. Besides,” I laughed. “I’m too stubborn, and I can be a real douche when I want to be. How’s that saying go? ‘Heaven doesn’t want me and hell is afraid I’ll take over,’ or something like that. I’ve been cast out of both so far. The way I see it, I’ve got nowhere to go.”
Cas gave a quiet laugh. “And apparently, Purgatory has no place for you either.”
“What can I say? Mine is a unique situation,” I said, smiling against his neck. “I guess when no one knows what to do with someone like me, they’re handed over to an angel.”
“I like your way of thinking,” he said, kissing my forehead.
“No more worries, ok?”
“Yes,” he answered, and for now we were good. Things were in place, and all was right with the world.
But then again, I never knew what tomorrow would bring.

To be continued . . .
- 6
- 7
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Bridging The Past