Careful What You Wish For

Some Truth Comes Out

Sam tried to gather himself and regain his composure. He was a terrible liar when it came to Dean, but maybe his cover story would be so banal that Dean wouldn't even question it. He took deep breaths and prepared his script as he walked to his brother's room. He was nearly to the door before he remembered he would have to face Cas again too. As he paused, he could overhear the conversation taking place.

"So, these women... You just use their images for your own pleasure and give no thought to who they are as people?" Castiel was honestly asking, his voice carrying a lot of confusion and no judgement.

Dean chuckled uncomfortably, "Uh, yeah, I guess. I mean, that's not really important in the middle of things. You just sorta, need the pictures to get things going, know what I mean?" Of course he didn't know what he meant. Dean sighed.

"Not really, no. So you look at these magazines so that you can have the desire to masturbate?" Cas had no problem being frank.

Dean cringed a little. Somehow it was like talking about sex with his dad, and also his kid, in the same person. "Yeah. Well, no. The desire is there - it's fun, it feels good, it released stress. Just sometimes the body needs some encouragement to catch up to the spirit," these questions were weirder than usual, but Dean wasn't quite to the point of cutting it off.

"I see. So you look at naked people to get an erection?"

The cutoff line was getting real close. "Yeah... Yeah, I guess. If I'm already hard I don't really need the girlie mags."

"I see. And what if you didn't have the magazines when you wanted to masturbate?"

Dean really needed Cas to stop using words like 'masturbate' and 'erection', it was too stiff, too clinical. Although, he supposed, it was better than how unnatural it be for him to use phrases like "jerk off" or "get hard".

"Uh, well, that never happens anymore because I'm an adult and the internet exists... but I guess as a teenager I just had to use my imagination."

Castiel was quiet for a moment. Dean hoped he was satisfied and they could be done now. He thought about asking Cas what all this was about, but quickly decided he really didn't want to know.

"So it all means nothing then? It's just an expression of momentary carnal desire and doesn't reflect how you actually feel about someone?"

This just reached a new level of weird. "Uh... Yeah, I... Yeah. I don't like, have romantic feelings for the models, if that's what you mean." He could feel his pulse quickening as he became progressively more nervous that Cas was talking about thoughts he'd had about the angel - or worse, the thoughts Cas had had about someone else.

"But would you have sex with them if they offered themselves to you?"

Yes, almost definitely, but that was because Dean would fuck nearly anyone if he were in the right mood, not because of how porn works. He considered his words carefully. "Yeah, I probably would. But it would just be... it'd be like getting off on my own, except I would have a real person to help me. It wouldn't be like real, good sex."

Castiel seemed to consider whatever was on his mind further. Dean was starting to get worried about the cause of these questions.

"What if you knew the person?"

"I don't jerk off to people I know," he lied.

"Not even Lisa?"

Ouch. "Not anymore," he lied again.

"I see," Castiel was clearly unsatisfied. Dean was getting frustrated, and now a little upset with the mention of Lisa.

"Cas, you wanna just tell me what the hell is going on here?"

It was as if Castiel hadn't even considered that, as he gave the truth freely. "I saw, I mean metaphysically saw, not physically saw, Sam thinking about me while he masturbated."

Dean was immediately wrapped in shock, disbelief, disappointment, jealousy, and arousal. It didn't even strike him to ask how. Sam, who'd heard every word, felt sick with some blurry mix of embarrassment and shame.

"Do you think he actually wants to have sex with me, or was that just a momentary carnal desire?"

He shook his head slowly, part of him detached from the conversation to ruminate over what he just heard. "I... I dunno, Cas. I didn't even know Sammy was into guys. But... If I had to guess... he probably actually wants you, but I don't know if he would actually let himself. Sam can't do porn like I can - he needs to get attached to get turned on by somebody. You give me disembodied tits and I'm good to go but he... he's different. So, yeah, I guess it's probably a pretty exclusive club, being someone Sam Winchester jerks off to." Dean chuckled awkwardly, trying to cover up the still-raging feelings from a moment ago.

"I see. That's very enlightening, thank you Dean."

He wanted so badly to ask Castiel if he reciprocated Sam's feelings, or if he had any of those feelings for him, or if he even had those feelings at all. He wanted to ask if he intended to approach Sam about it, or proposition him, and discourage him. Mostly, Dean wanted to be certain that the angel was his and his alone, without ever actually having been his at all. He pushed it all down and let out a slow sigh. "Yeah, no problem Cas."