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Hunting Humanity XI	By : greenwizard11 Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1407 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Supernatural universe. I don't get any money from this story, only entertainment.

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Sam took some books into the library and he saw Dean at the desk playing with his phone. “Seriously?” Sam raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Dean looked up, unsure of what the problem was.

“So I've been trying to dig up info on the British Men of Letters, keeping an eye out for cases, and you've been goofing off with a game that went out of style five years ago?”

“I'm taking a little break from caring for an ill significant other. And I don't think Mom's quite ready for Snapchat.”

“You're playing against Mom?” Sam was surprised.

“Yeah.”

“The same Mom that didn't know what a cellphone was a month ago? Doesn't exactly seem like a fair fight.”

Dean frowned at his screen and then showed Sam that Mary had won the game. “You were saying?”

Sam chuckled at that. “So how she been lately?”

“She's good. You know, she's dealing.” Dean's phone rang, and when he saw it was Castiel he answered. “Hey, Cas,” he put it on speaker phone.

“Hello, Dean.”

“You still living out an '80s buddy comedy with Crowley?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Any news on Lucifer?” Sam asked.

“Actually, yes. Look at the news.”

“One sec.” Sam powered up his laptop to see what was up. “No way. So this is from today.” They watched a video of a reporter interviewing Vince Vincente about his band coming back together.

“Tell me that's not Lucifer,” Dean growled.

“We don't know,” Castiel admitted.

“Cas, I thought you said Rowena got some licks in. Shouldn't he have burned through his vessel by now?” Sam asked, just as shocked.

“Yeah, but we don't know.”

“Hello, boys,” Crowley's voice came on the line. “Long time. We team up to save the world, and then bupkis. You don't call, you don't write.”

“Yeah, we don't care,” Dean cut him off.

“Crowley, Lucifer,” Sam demanded.

“Lucifer. Think about it. Of all the extinct rock acts, Ladyheart are the most Paleolithic. A major label sponsored comeback in 2016 for those dinosaurs? It doesn't feel like a wholly natural turn of events, does it?”

“Maybe Lucifer found a way to heal his vessel,” Castiel suggested.

“Yeah, but still. I mean, what the hell?” Dean couldn't figure it out.

“He's in LA. I'll see you there.” Crowley hung up.

Dean turned to his brother. “What are the chances of us going to LA just the two of us?”

“I think about the same as the odds of you spontaneously turning pink,” Sam answered. “Which might actually happen if you try to hunt Lucifer without him.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah... He came down with the stomach flu just from killing a demon.”

“He might've gotten sick anyhow. I mean, the virus didn't come from the demon.”

“I know, but it weakened his resistance. He's keeping toast and ginger ale down now, but he'd need to be full power before going up against Lucifer, and even then...”

“You know, this kinda sucks. Up in the bedroom right now is a very big gun, but using it comes at a cost.”

“And one day the price will be one I don't wanna pay,” Dean said as he got up from the desk to go get ready for their trip.

They all piled in the car and got on their way. “Off to LA, the land of gridlock, Botox, desperation, and narcissists,” Dean said as he pulled out onto the road. He looked to the half angel in the backseat. “And you're not gonna push it, right? Tell me you're not suicidal.”

Red eyes stared back at him. “I'll do what it takes to put the asshole back in the box. You need me. What are you gonna do, tickle him into submission?”

Dean sighed, but kept on driving. When they arrived in LA they found the hotel Castiel was going to meet them at and they sat in the lobby. Sam poured himself some water from a dispenser, and Dean gave him a funny look. “What? It's good,” Sam said.

“It's vegetable water,” Dean shook his head.

“Sam, Dean, Liam,” Castiel greeted them.

“You're mostly right,” Astiratu said as he stood up.

“I figured as much, but...”

“Yes, low profile and all.”

Dean got up and greeted his friend. “Hey. You consider switching up your duds there? Bit stiff for this town.”

“He could be an agent or something,” Sam suggested.

“Yeah, maybe a third tier agent,” Dean scoffed.

“At least I don't look like a lumberjack.”

“Chill with the insults,” Astiratu sighed. “You're overdressed, they're under dressed, and I'm fabulous as always. Let's agree on that, and then Cas can tell us where Crowley is.”

“He said he'd meet us here. Frankly, I appreciate the break. It's been weeks, and he's been right there, just talking and talking and talking. It's relentless.”

Crowley appeared behind the angel. “Don't listen to him. Feathers and I are all but inseparable now.”

“You find anything?” Sam asked.

“Yes. Vince Vincente is riding with the Devil.”

“Okay, so what now?” Castiel asked.

Crowley pulled a key card from his jacket. “I suggest we go check out his room. Vince is scheduled to be in the studio all day, so we're covered.”

“How'd you get the card?” Dean asked.

“This is LA. I know a lot of people.”

“I believe that,” Astiratu commented as they headed up to the room.

They entered the room and saw clothes strewn everywhere. “Well, looks like there was some kind of a fight,” Castiel said as he looked around.

Astiratu picked up a pair of neon pink panties from the couch. “I love how naive you can be sometimes. I guess he's moved on from me.”

“Yeah, but you don't care, right?” Dean prodded. “You want his guts on a spit anyway.”

“Still nice to be wanted.”

Sam found a stack of books. “Look at this. Rock star biographies. Like, all of them, from Aerosmith to ZZ Top. It's like he's studying how to become famous.”

Astiratu chuckled. “He may be a narcissist, but he needs to study as much as he can.”

Castiel picked up a piece of paper. “Look at this. The seeds of a ripe dragon fruit drizzled with exactly one ounce of Acacia honey, prepared in a ceramic bowl, no plastic. What is this spell?”

Crowley snatched the paper. “It's breakfast. It's Vince's rider. I've seen worse.”

“And it seems his tastes haven't changed much,” Astiratu commented as he kept looking around the room.

“I don't get it,” Sam sighed. “Lucifer could be taking over heaven and hell right now, and instead, he's trying to act out some rock god fantasy?”

Dean picked up a guitar and started messing with it. “Yeah. Who wouldn't?”

“I found something,” Castiel came out of the bathroom with something in his hand. “It appears to be a human tooth pulled out by the root.”

Astiratu raised an eyebrow. “Now that's odd, even for him.”

While they were searching for any other clues that would tell them what Lucifer was up to, Sam got an alert about a strange case. It seemed a woman had been hospitalized for carving Vince Vincente's name into her own chest. They went to the hospital as FBI to check it out.

“Mrs. Greenfield has lost a lot of blood and there'll be no fixing those scars, but she's stable,” the doctor told them outside her room.

“And she cut herself?” Castiel wanted to confirm.

“She carved his name into her chest. Vince Vincente. Didn't skip a letter. And she cut deep.”

“Thanks, Doctor. Well, again, what the hell?” Dean turned to his companions.

“I'll go talk to her” Crowley offered.

“No, no you won't,” Sam insisted.

“Cas, stay here. Keep an eye on him,” Dean instructed.

Crowley put a hand on Castiel's shoulder. “Well, together again.”

“Yay,” Castiel said sarcastically.

Astiratu put his hands on the angel's face. “Oh, honey, just keep reminding yourself that you're mine. All of you are mine.”

“I'm not,” Crowley argued.

“Maybe not yet,” Astiratu chuckled as he followed Dean into the hospital room.

Roseleen was sitting calmly in the bed, her chest all bandaged up. “We wanna understand what happened, but in order for us to do that, we need you to talk,” Dean addressed her.

“Roseleen, did Vince force you to do this?” Sam asked.

“No. Vince didn't. He wouldn't have to. I wanted to, to show him, to make him happy.”

“You ever stop and wonder what kind of sicko gets happy off of watching somebody melonball their own flesh?” Dean asked her.

“Don't talk about Vince like that. He had a reason, a good reason. He must have. I'm sure he can explain everything. If I could just see him.”

“Seriously, that didn't seem at all like an odd request to you?” Astiratu was perplexed.

She tried getting out of the bed, wincing with every movement. “I need to get to the show. Please!”

“What show?” Dean perked up.

“He's having a special show tonight, and I have to be there!”

Astiratu rolled his eyes. “Pathetic.” He touched her forehead and she collapsed, out cold.

“Why did you do that?” Dean asked.

“I had to put the poor thing out of her misery. And no, I didn't kill her. But when she wakes up she'll have no scars or memory. You know, I'm actually worried about Lucifer. Getting this twit to carve herself up seems like it was easier than getting kings to kill each other, but such low hanging fruit made him happy...”

“I don't understand all of what you just said, but it worries me too,” Dean said as they went back out into the hall.

They told Castiel and Crowley what they had learned. “So the show is tonight?” Castiel asked.

“That's what she said,” Sam nodded. “Before she took a sudden nap.”

“Can Lucifer even sing or play an instrument?” Castiel wondered.

“I doubt they offer intro to guitar in the cage,” Dean said.

“Like it matters. What Lucifer made that woman do has got nothing to do with music. It's about devotion,” Crowley explained.

“Come again?” Dean turned to the demon.

“You little people wouldn't understand, but I've been a king. Having people look at you like you're everything, knowing that once they buy in, you can make them do anything, it's intoxicating.”

“It is,” Astiratu agreed. “It's a trap I keep falling into. I miss having temples dedicated to me. But it's more fun if you have to work a little for it.”

“Okay, so this concert, all these people, what is Lucifer planning to do?” Castiel brought up the question.

“Nothing good,” Sam said.

“Is Rowena...?”

“Dear Mother says that once we catch Lucifer, she'll show, no sooner,” Crowley told them.

“Well, without Rowena, we're outgunned,” Dean sighed.

“Hey!” Astiratu was offended by the comment. “I'm not exactly a fairy princess here.”

Dean put his hands on the half angel's shoulders. “Oh, I know, you are definitely not a fairy princess. But one, your body can't handle a fight like that on a good day. And then there is the complication of you just recovering from whatever the hell you had. How many times do I have to tell you, I want that body and that human person alive as long as possible.”

“Our best weapon may be a bit handicapped, but this is still our shot,” Sam pointed out. “We just gotta find out where he's playing tonight.”

Dean nodded. “Alright, let's get to work.”

They each tried something to find out the location, and met back in the hotel lobby. “And you said you put the fear in Russell,” Dean said to Crowley.

The demon sighed. “I thought I had. These yoga types. Just when you think you've harshed their mellow...”

“Yeah, well, I've been looking everywhere online, and, uh, no one's linked the venue yet,” Sam reported.

“Anything?” Dean asked Castiel when he showed up.

“No,” Castiel looked defeated.

Dean shook his head. “So we couldn't flip a single member of Vince's team. Even with the threat of mass murder, these SoCal douchebags won't do the right thing.”

“Welcome to Los Angeles,” Crowley said.

“So what happens now?” Castiel asked.

“Well, your way didn't work, so I guess we'll just have to try mine,” Astiratu said as he leaned against Dean and soon went limp.

“Why didn't I think of that?” Crowley mumbled to himself.

Astiratu found himself in a limo with several people, Lucifer included. Everyone else watched in horror as Russell seemed to be forced to stab himself in the neck with a pen. “Did you strain yourself on that one?” Astiratu asked with the mouth of Vince's producer.

“Spying on me now?” Lucifer seemed amused at that.

“What can I say, it's how I get my kicks,” the half angel responded before retreating and sitting up in the lobby. He grabbed a pen and wrote an address on Dean's hand. “My way works. Only downside is he'll be expecting us.”

Dean sighed. “The element of surprise was really the only thing we had going for us, until now.”

“You still got me, babe. Besides, would the element of surprise really have done you any good if you never found out where the show was?”

“He has a point,” Castiel agreed.

They drove to the location, and while they were pulling things out of the trunk Crowley saw Dean grab a pair of handcuffs. “Enochian handcuffs. That's your move?” the demon scoffed.

“They held me,” Castiel defended the idea.

“You're not him.”

“We have no sure bets here, okay?” Dean grumbled.

“Oh, great pep talk. Go, team,” Crowley said sarcastically.

“Guys, we're here to do more than just take a shot at Lucifer,” Sam pointed out.

“We are?” Crowley and Astiratu said in unison.

“Yes, we need to save the people inside too.”

“I suppose you have a point,” Astiratu agreed.

“I'll take Lucifer. He's my responsibility,” Castiel volunteered.

“No, he's not. He's all of our responsibility,” Sam argued.

“Well, the only way you'll clear that crowd without drawing fire is if he's otherwise engaged.”

“Engaged in what, Cas? Killing you?” Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing.

“Cas, you'll last three minutes tops,” Sam tried to talk the angel out of it.

“Then I'll buy you three minutes,” Castiel was determined.

“Make it four,” Crowley piped up. “What? I help,” he said when everyone gave him a strange look.

“How about we go for ten,” Astiratu said.

“No!” Dean shouted. “You've already done more than you should. You should wait in the car.”

The half angel sighed and shook his head. “One, you don't own me. Other way around if you'll remember. Two, he won't hurt me. Well, maybe a little, but not seriously.”

Dean sighed. “Sometimes I hate you.”

“I know,” Astiratu said as he, Castiel, and Crowley headed toward the rear entrance.

When they found Lucifer he was snapping the necks of his band mates one by one. He was down to the last guy when Castiel boldly grabbed his hand to stop him. Lucifer turned his head. “Castiel. Took you long enough. Did you bring the rest of the Little Rascals?”

“Just me,” Crowley stepped out of the shadows.

“Spanky. Not who I was hoping to see. Did not take you for the martyr type, Crowley.”

“I'm really not. I just hate you that much.” Crowley pinned Lucifer to the wall. “What are you doing, Lucifer? You mean nothing to those kids out there. You think they'd draw blood for you? By choice?”

“Well, I thought I'd at least ask. And if they won't give it up by choice, maybe I'll just take it.”

“Why?” Castiel asked.

“Because it's fun. Because I can. And because being Lucifer? So much Judeo-Christian baggage. But Vince? He's famous. Everybody loves him.” Lucifer pulled Crowley to the wall with him. “And I need love. I had a really jacked childhood.” He snapped the neck of the last band member.

“You think this is fun?” Castiel was horrified.

“Oh, I wouldn't expect you to understand. I was inside you. I know what a weak, duty bound, pleasureless dullard you are.”

“He's not so bad if you get him drunk,” Astiratu stepped into the room.

A wide grin appeared on Lucifer's face. “I knew you'd come.”

The half angel flung Crowley away from Lucifer. “Have I really become that predictable?”

“When it comes to me, yes, you are.”

“Well, darn.” The half angel took a few steps forward. “I guess you and I are just bound together.”

“That we are,” Lucifer said as he pulled Astiratu toward him until their bodies were touching and they were eye to eye. “We were drawn to each other in the beginning because we're such similar creatures.”

“And then one of us went and lost his marbles.”

“Easy for you to say. I don't think you ever had any marbles.”

“Can't really argue that. Maybe that's why you broke and I didn't.”

Lucifer scoffed at that. “You were never given the Mark of Cain. You were never locked away in a little cage.”

“I did prison time, for something a lot like what you're doing now. And then the weight of the world was put on my shoulders, I had to protect the humans. If they only knew how many times I pulled their asses out of the fire...”

“And what did you get in return?”

“Treated badly. But I didn't go back to my old ways. Lucifer, stop this. How can something so easy make you so happy? The Lucifer I knew didn't settle.”

“I'm not the Lucifer you knew anymore.” He grabbed the half angel roughly by the throat, and Astiratu tensed and winced as shock waves started blasting through his body.

Astiratu reciprocated. “You must be both crazy and stupid to think I'd go quietly.”

Lucifer chuckled. “Oh, I never thought you would. That's why I wanted to see you. Because you're right, screwing with these humans is ridiculously easy. I think I'm due for a challenge.” They heard the fire alarm go off. “Clever girls,” Lucifer mumbled as he shut it off with a wave of his hand.

“I don't associate with stupid,” Astiratu said as he increased the power of the shock.

The two stood there not moving with lights dancing around them and the occasional bolt of lightning shooting off until Astiratu's eyes rolled back and he went limp. Lucifer gently laid him on the ground. “Such a waste,” he sighed as he shook his head. Then his attention turned to Castiel and Crowley. “Now that the main threat is dealt with....”

Once he was done with Castiel and Crowley he marched out on stage, looking delighted as the crowd cheered for him. In a last ditch effort Dean pulled out his gun and fired at the ceiling. “He's got a gun!” a woman screamed, and they all started rushing for the exit.

Lucifer tried to stop the crowd from leaving by closing the doors, but Sam rushed to hold them open, ushering everyone out. Then he and Dean tried to leave, but Lucifer pulled them back in. “You two sure know how to ruin a good time.”

“Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment,” Dean said.

“Hey, assbutt!” Castiel suddenly appeared and whacked Lucifer in the face with a guitar.

Lucifer was stunned for a second, and Dean took the opportunity to put the cuffs on him. But the cuffs were thrown off, and both Castiel and Dean were flung from the stage. Lucifer shook his head. “Guys, you know I could end you all with a snap of my finger. Well, with the exception of one, but he's been taken care of.”

Dean inhaled sharply, but tried very hard to show no emotion. “Why are you doing this?”

“You and God made up. You forgave him. What would he think?” Sam tried to appeal to the archangel.

Lucifer only laughed. “I'm not especially interested in his opinion. Dear old dad, he finally apologized for abandoning me. And what's the very next thing he does? He ditches me. And you too, by the way. And rides off into the sunset with Auntie Amara. He needed my help, and he'd say anything to get it. His words, your words, they mean nothing. Don't you get it? This is all meaningless. heaven, hell, this world. If it ever meant anything, that moment is past. Nothing down here but a bunch of hopeless distraction addicts, so filled with emptiness, so desperate to fill up the void, they don't mind being served another stale rerun of a rerun of a rerun. You know what my plan is? I don't have one. I'm
just gonna keep on smashing Daddy's already broken toys and make you watch.”

“Just when I didn't think you could get any more pathetic,” Astiratu's voice came from the side of the stage. He was gripping the wall to hold himself up.

“You didn't...?” Castiel looked back and forth between Astiraru and Lucifer, both confused and very relieved.

“Please,” Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Freeing him from a fragile body, making him extra pissed at me... Did someone tattoo stupid on my forehead and not tell me?”

“Who needs a tattoo?” the half angel joked. “Your actions speak for you. Yeah, we were all abandoned by Daddy. Twice now. You're the only one being a giant baby about it.”

Lucifer shook his head. “You just can't leave well enough alone. We just went toe to toe, and I won. Maybe I should have killed you.”

“But you won't, and we both know why. I believe you love me. Just like his love for me grounded Dean a bit when he had the mark, I did the same for you. Maybe Dad knew what was going to happen, and that's why he sent me Dean's way. I think I'm the only one you've ever actually really loved, despite yourself. You threw me away because that scared the shit out of you.”

“I am not scared of anything!” Lucifer shouted angrily and charged Astiratu.

With the last bit of strength he could scrounge up, the half angel punched Lucifer in the jaw. At the moment of contact a thunder clap shook the room. Lucifer was forced out of the body, which turned to dust as soon as he was gone. Astiratu then fell to the ground and started vomiting blood. “Oh no. No...” Dean ran up on stage and knelt beside him. “Nearest hospital?” Dean looked to Castiel helpless and panicked.

“They wouldn't be able to do anything,” Castiel answered. Then the angel got up on stage and laid a hand on Astiratu's back. There was a bright glow for a few seconds, and Astiratu fell unconscious. “That should hold him together long enough to get him into a bed. All that can heal him is rest.”

“Okay,” Dean nodded and tried to calm down. “Then let's get him to a bed. I swear, if he doesn't stop this shit...”

“He won't,” Castiel assured his friend.

A little while later Dean stood out in the parking lot at the hotel with Sam, Castiel, and Crowley. “Well, we didn't catch Lucifer, but we did save the crowd, so I'm gonna call that a win,” Dean said as he put a few things back in the car trunk.

Sam shook his head. “I wouldn't. Vince Vincente is dead.”

“We never even hoped to save him. And, yes, I know, the third album-”

“No, he was still a person, and he meant something to a lot of people,” Sam cut his brother off. “And Lucifer just took all that and just twisted all that up and snuffed it out. Lucifer was bad enough when he had a plan, a motive. Now he's just having fun. I mean, how many people died tonight? Them, this, it's all on us. We let him out. We're not winning. We're just losing slow. And you heard what he said.”

“Yeah, I heard,” Dean mumbled as he slammed the trunk shut. “And we'll stop him. I don't know how yet, but it's what we do. And Cas, get me a binding potion,” Dean pointed toward the room where Astiratu was tucked in bed.

“Dean, he might actually hurt you for that,” the angel warned. “He won't mean to, but when a fit of rage hits him...”

“I know, but Cas... He damned near killed himself tonight. I'm still not completely sure I won't go back in that room and find a corpse in my bed.”

“He was protecting us. Lucifer really could have ended us all with a snap of his fingers.”

“But there's gotta be another way. Everyone and everything has at least one weak spot, and if anyone knows what Lucifer's is... But he has to tell us what it is and stay out of it. For someone who puts duty over emotion... For him it's personal, and that's why he won't stop unless we make him.”

“And you want him bound for personal reasons.”

“Yeah, I'll admit it, I'm being selfish. I don't care. Get it done.”

“Alright,” Castiel sighed. “It may take some time. Some of the ingredients won't be easy to come by.”

“I'd be happy to help,” Crowley offered.

Dean went back to his room and found his husband lying on the bathroom floor by the toilet. “Hey, you okay?” Dean went over to check on him. “What's wrong?”

Liam weakly looked up at him. “I don't know. I woke up and thought I was gonna puke, but I...”

“Let's get you back in bed.” Dean picked him up and carried him back to the bed. “What do you need?”

“Maybe some mint tea with honey.”

“Okay, I'll see if I can get you some.” He picked up a paper cup and filled it with water before handing it over. “For now, see if you can get some water in you. And I'll have Sam come sit with you while I'm gone in case you need anything.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“This thing that makes me special, it really is killing me, isn't it?”

Dean gently stroked the blond's cheek. “It won't if I can help it.”
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Hunting Humanity XI