If I Never Knew You

In the aftermath of her rejection, Terry J asked her to dinner. She didn’t want to go, but she would crumble at home, and he was nice. Terry J tried to make small talk, but she was very distracted. He then said, “I’m sorry, I guess you just wanted to be alone.” Her eyes met his. She felt bad; at least he was trying. She smiled at him, “No, I’m glad you did, sorry I just got bad news, that's all.” “I know what happened.” “How?” “Michael told me we're best friends, and he wanted to know when he should tell you, and I suggested as soon as possible, rip the band-aid, you know? Now I wish I didn’t.” “No, Terry, you did the right thing. I knew they would end up together, so I would’ve been just walking in a fog; it’s best to see clearly.” There was silence, and Terry tried again, “For what it’s worth, I think he would’ve been fortunate to have you. It’s just that Helen was his first love, and no one can compete with that.” She nodded, “You’re right, besides it was just a silly crush like the kind you have on a celebrity, not what they have.” She was right, before she saw Monty Python; she crushed on Michael Palin after seeing him in Brazil as Jack Lint. It’s possible if she saw Monty Python first, any one of them could’ve been her celebrity crush.

                She then smiled, “I’ll bounce back, can’t really mourn what I didn’t have.” “Yes, you can, but I commend you for trying to be strong.” “Really, Terry, I will be fine, there is nothing good food can’t fix.” “I hear that.” “Or a drink.” “I’ll order us some wine.” “No, don’t. I’ve been meaning to talk to you guys about drinking and driving anyway.” “It’s just wine.” “Believe it or not, it only takes a little to impair you by a lot. There were many stories back home about it. Besides, I would rather drink at home, I can get as drunk as I want and no one has to see me, and I have nowhere to go.” “Well, I will get the check, and you can go.” He smiled sweetly, and she felt bad. Here he is, and she is trying to leave to get plastered alone at home, something she did plenty of times in the future. Without thinking too much about it, she offered, “Want to come over for drinks?” “Then how will I get home if you don’t want me to drive?” “Do you mind staying over?” Terry's eyes grew big, and a smile crept on his face. “I don’t mind at all.” And they left the restaurant together.

At home, they were drinking and chatting happily, then she had an idea. “Hey, let’s play Would You Rather?” “How do you play?” “It’s easy, I will start. Would you rather smell like feet or smell like rotten eggs?” “Neither!” “No, you have to choose!” “Um, fine then, feet, maybe people will think I ran a marathon and not that I passed gas.” “Great logic, same, so-“ “No, my turn, would you rather have eyes in the back of your head or be able to taste with your fingers?” “Fingers, eyes may be unsettling, plus if I wear gloves everywhere, I just taste latex, and when I eat it won’t matter.” “Ok, great choice, I’m a little cautious, so I chose eyes. I will wear a hat or a wig on TV, but otherwise, I would rather not taste everything I touch. Besides, men tend to touch things I don’t want to know the taste of.” She laughed wildly, “Oh, you're naughty...I can’t think of one you go.” “Alright, would you rather date a tall guy or a short guy?” “Short, I think it looks cuter when couples look similar in height, and I’m kind of corny, I would want to do matching outfits.” Terry, who is 5’8, smiled and said, “I don’t think it’s corny, I can see myself doing it.” Then he met her eyes, and they stared at each other for a moment.

Then she thought of a question, “When you die, would you give up Heaven, let’s say it’s everything you believe it is, everlasting happiness and seeing loved ones. Would you give it up to start your life over, or start a moment in time over, even if it wasn't a time you lived? And you get to keep your memories, but it has to be in the past.” Terry sat back, trying to think hard. “Well, Heaven sounds wonderful, but I'm not in a rush to get there. Besides, it can’t be exactly like life, or why else would we have this first? I can’t see God being pleased with our comedy. I chose a redo, to start comedy earlier, Python earlier. Maybe avoid some skits; do others much better. I’d live my life over, or I might take a chance in the medieval period and become a comedic playwright. Very profound question, you?” She knew the answer for apparent reasons, “I chose a redo too, meet you guys earlier. Can you imagine me on The Frost report, take my studies seriously, maybe get a scholarship to Cambridge or Oxford, and be the 2^nd woman and first one of color in the footlights with Eric, or write with you and Michael?” Terry laughed at the thought of that. “I think I would’ve loved to have gone to college with you.” He smiled sweetly at her, and she smiled back.

Then she stood up, “Let’s put on some music, you may have The Beatles, but this is real music.” Then she puts on The Temptations ‘Ain't Too Proud to Beg.’ As it started, she turned to him and sang, “I know you want to leave me, but I refuse to let you go.” Then she did some of the Temptations' moves, and he had the biggest smile on his face. When the instrumental hit, she grabbed his hand and started dancing with him, and he went along happily.  At one point, he told her, “We need to get you some singing lessons.” “Oh shut up, I know I can’t sing, why do you think I went into comedy?” “Still, I appreciated you drunkenly serenading me.” And she laughed and continued until it was over, then sat back down on the couch, and Terry joined her.

He then asks, “Do you ever miss home?” She thought for a minute and said, “Not really, but I do wonder how my mom is doing. I feel bad for leaving her, but I guess it was inevitable.” Then she paused for a moment and said, “I’m thrilled to be here, I’m where I meant to be.” Then Terry took her hand and said softly, “I’m happy you’re here with us, too.” She smiled, then let out a yawn. He laughed and said, “Looks like I'd better get you to bed.” He helped her to her room, and as he walked away, she told him, “Goodnight.” He looked her over peacefully and said, “Goodnight, love.” He wished he could climb into bed with her, but instead he took the couch.

At work, she tried to work with John and Graham to avoid Michael, but Terry J stopped her and asked her to work with him and Michael instead. She said, “I think I want some space from Michael.” “Don’t focus on Michael, focus on me. Please.” She looked away, and he grabbed her hand and sang, “I know you want to leave me, but I refuse to let you go.” She couldn’t help but blush and laugh, and she agreed to work with them. She mainly focused on Terry, and he orbited her. He was a great distraction at work.

Saturday, he asked her to go to Primrose Hill at sunset, and the view was breathtaking. There, he prepared a picnic with watercress sandwiches. He was an excellent cook. She thanked him, and he said, “It’s not a problem, I just want you to be happy.” “I am Terry, very.” They ate their sandwiches, and a crumb got on her bottom lip. Terry took a napkin and said, “Oops, you got a little mess.” He wiped her face and then said, “There, beautiful.” She bit her lip and looked down. After their meals, they talked for a bit, and then Terry said, “Looks like it’s right on time.” Suddenly, a horse-drawn carriage came, and her mouth became agape. Terry stood up, extended his hand, and said, “Shall we?” “Terry, you didn’t have  to go through all this trouble.” “It’s not trouble if it’s for you.” Her heart was racing, and she took his hand graciously.

The carriage took them through the city, and London looked so pretty at night. He talked to her about certain sights, recalling his early days in London. She listened attentively. At one point, he scooted closer and put his hand around her waist. She felt safe being held by him. She can’t think of what to say, but she wants to rest her head on his shoulder. He stopped speaking as well, just let the moment be peaceful.

Then they arrived at a London courtyard, and there on the lawn was an orchestra. Her breath was taken away. Terry stepped down, extended his hand, and she took it. He led her to the courtyard, then turned to the orchestra and nodded, and they started playing. Then he said in a low, sultry voice, “It’s my turn to sing to you.” She had the widest smile on her face. Then Terry started singing " Unforgettable " by Nat King Cole. He was a much better singer than she, and his voice made her swoon; she melted in his arms. On the last note, he kissed her passionately and deeply, then looked her deep in her eyes and said, “I wanted our first kiss to be special. Sorry if it’s all a bit much.” She teared up a bit, “No, this was all very beautiful. Thank you so much.” He caressed her face and led her back to the carriage.

They concluded the night, and she felt obligated to invite him inside. She thought she owed him access, but she didn’t want to use her body as a debt, and she didn’t want to consider Terry only worked this hard for that reason, but the truth was, she was feeling guilty. She parted ways, and they only exchanged a few words. When she was alone, she sank to the ground, feeling horrible about everything. Because when he kissed her, she realized something…She felt nothing for him.

She remembered Terry J's advice to Michael about ripping off the band-aid, and she felt it was right; she did the same. She decided to go over to his place so he wouldn’t waste the gas on bad news. She knocked on his door and swallowed hard. He opened the door and smiled at her. He seemed to go for a kiss, but she walked past him. He says, “I’m happy you're here.” Her heart broke more. Then she said, “Terry, I think we should talk.” “Okay? Is something wrong?” “Terry, about last night, it was the most romantic night I ever had. I don’t think I could’ve dreamed of a better night.” His smile went away, and he gave her a look and said, “But that’s not why you’re here.” “Terry, I care about you; you really have become one of my greatest friends, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you.” Terry turned away quickly, then he looked back at her and said, “Why, what did I do wrong?” “It’s not what you did, it’s a feeling thing, on paper you’re great, I don’t know what it is, but I can’t force feelings.” She was right in her timeline; he was everything she wanted. She loves raven-haired men, and she likes goth and alternative styles. She would say Terry Jones is an honorary goth for his dark features and his hilarious, but cheerful, way he delivered his lines in one of his skits: “Excuse me, I have to go commit suicide.” She always laughs at that, but she doesn’t know why she can’t return his feelings.

He started to get irritated and said, “So what is it? I would treat you right, give you everything you could ever want. I guess being in love with another woman is your type.” Her face broke, “Terry, please, I’m sorry you’re hurt, but you don’t have to be mean.” “I don’t have to be mean, I don’t have to be mean!” He turns and punches the wall. She was scared and said, “I'd better go.” “Yeah, go, go run to John or Terry or any of them who don’t give a damn about you. Just get the fuck out of here.” Tears rolled down her face, and she quickly left, feeling worse than ever.  

Things were cold at work. She worked with John and Graham, avoided Terry altogether, and he wouldn’t work on any skits with her. He even started to smoke again. She wanted to say something for Graham's sake, but she couldn’t even look at him, let alone talk to him. Season 3 was wrapping up, and Terry came in for the last shoot late. As he walked in, he spoke coldly and said, “I’m quitting Python.” The room went quiet. No one spoke. No one moved. She felt it land in her chest. It wasn’t the show. It wasn’t the stress; it was her.

She managed to convince John not to leave, but season 4 turned out to be their final season, with one less Python anyway. And in this timeline, it was Terry Jones.