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After the End	By : Bloodyrose82 Category: M through R > Queer As Folk Views: 2114 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Queer As Folk, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-After the End
- 2-515
- 3-516
- 4-517
- 5-518
- 6-519
- 7-520
- 8-521
- 9-522
- 10-523
- 11-524
- 12-525
- 13-526
- 7
- 8
- 9
Prologue.

Some people say that they believe in soul mates, as if they think that somewhere out there in the world there is one other person with whom they are meant to belong. They walk around with a little list in their heads of the qualities their ideal partner is supposed to possess.

But isn�t it a little clinical to reduce something like love to a number of certain factors; as if a person is deemed unworthy should their hair be the wrong colour, their eyes too small?

Love has its own ideas about people, and they don�t always appear to be a perfect match. It can be as ridiculous as to pair a stunning party boy who isn�t getting any younger with a small blonde, barely out from behind his mother's apron, leaning against a lamp post, looking as if he would wet himself should anyone approach.

But doesn�t the world move in mysterious ways, paying no heed to height, gender, or age? Sometimes it just boils down to circumstance, a chance meeting in an avenue that leads to a complicated intertwining of lives.

And before you know where you are, you can�t imagine life without him, forgetting that you managed just fine once before.

-*-

I. Brian

This time when you awoke, you knew you weren�t alone. The soft, warm breathing against your neck alerted you to his presence, and you knew, without opening your eyes to look, that it wasn�t just some trick.

You peeled back your eyelids and pulled away to peer down at his face. You found that most people appeared younger when they slept, but never Justin. He slept with a small frown on his face, a crease between his eyebrows; as if in his slumber he was trying to work out the worries of the world.

He looked so different from the previous night when he stood outside your door, that haunting, psychotic smile on his face. You could see his determination, his internal struggle that told you what he was trying to do; to swallow down the betrayal that lay heavy at the back of his throat, knowing he was wrong to ask anything from you, least of all that.

It struck you as ironic that your lack of tricking told him that there was something wrong, leading to his departure, but that the first time he found you doing it he couldn�t keep the hurt from his face.

You looked down at him fondly and brushed his hair away from his eyes. It was so like him to hate what you did while all the time knowing it was a part of who you were, the person he claimed to love.

You silently moved him away from your side and got out of bed, pulling on your jeans before heading down into the kitchen. It amazed you still, that you had yet to have sex. You had pulled him back inside the loft the night before, and sat quietly by his side on the couch. He had kept hold of your arm, as if it was the one thing that could ground him, and switched on the TV, flicking through the channels until he found an old black and white movie you could both watch without having too expend too much intellectual energy.

You didn�t bother about the club, and he didn�t bring it up. You had staff for a reason and knew that they could take care of everything, even the moronic demands of the drag act.

Around two in the morning, two movies later, he turned off the TV. He turned to look at you as if you had been waiting for a time to pounce, and point blank asked straight out whether you wanted to fuck.

Of course you did, you couldn�t remember a time when you hadn�t wanted to, even if you made yourself refuse to give in, or even when you were so tired from your cancer treatment that walking to the fridge was a marathon trek, never mind finding the energy to stay hard long enough to penetrate him.

You looked into his eyes and shook your head. "Not tonight, Sunshine, it�s been a long day."

He looked relieved and you had to force yourself to remember that it wasn�t because he didn�t want you, but that it was just too much to contemplate after what had just happened. And that he didn�t want to be reminded of the trick.

So you led him through to the bedroom and waited until he was undressed. Then you slipped under the covers next to him and pretended not to notice when he shifted across and pressed himself against your side.

Perhaps you were going soft in your old age.

-*-

II. Justin

You opened your eyes as you heard him clattering about in the kitchen, and moved over to his spot in the bed, burying your head in his pillow until all you could smell was his scent.

You thought back to the night before, berating yourself for getting so emotional over catching him in bed with that trick. It was just the shock, you told yourself, you hadn�t been expecting it, and once you had calmed down enough to think clearly, you realized it wasn�t that much of a big deal after all.

You had fucked many people in New York, for a multitude of reasons; you weren�t exactly innocent yourself. There were plenty of nameless, faceless people that you couldn�t remember, and then there were a few that stood out.

There was the barman at the first club you ventured in to, who brought you a drink, and you were so relieved, so grateful that someone, anyone noticed you in that vast city, that you readily agreed to wait until he got off work. He took you back to his apartment, a tiny, dingy space with mottled, mouldy wallpaper peeling off the walls, and screwed you in his cramped single bed. You didn�t come and you told yourself never again.

The next encounter was with a queen who would have made Emmett�s flame appear dull. The sex was good enough but you soon lost interest when he called you twenty times the next day and you realized you hadn�t even given him your number.

After that it was a man you met on the subway. He boarded at the stop before you were due to get off and sat opposite you in his crisp grey suit, reading a newspaper. You travelled round the central line three more times, eyeing him up and trying to work out why he seemed so familiar. When he didn�t so much as glance up you gave in to the idea he was probably straight, and got off at your stop the next time round only to be shoved up against the wall on the platform and devoured.

The morning after you woke up he threw your clothes at your face and told you to get the fuck out of his place before his 10 o� clock knocked at the door. On the way out, you realized he reminded you of Brian and you spent the next two weeks talking yourself out of trying to find him again.

You searched for people at the bottom of empty glasses as you knocked back each Beam, and expanded your palette with tastes from a wide range of sexual cuisine. There were the twinks who were too similar to you, the leather kings who were too different, those you allowed to kiss and those you didn�t. There was a virgin and a handful of sluts, the experiment with the transvestite who left glitter between the sheets, and even an older man, a possible sugar-daddy type who would have given you the world had you thought to ask.

And finally, back here in Pittsburgh, there was Brian Kinney.

You smiled to yourself and buried your face further into the sheets. You didn�t think it was possible to love him anymore than you did, but then he would go and do something simple like tilt his head towards the light, or sit with you in silence like the night before, just because he knew you needed it, and you would feel another wave of emotion lapping at your feet, threatening to rise up and rush over your head.

You glanced towards the door and watched as he cursed at the coffee maker, trying to get it to work, and you tried to figure out the whys: why did you want him so much? Why was he under your skin, sitting there like a god damn bruise? Why Brian?

He has never been perfect, however much he likes to think he is. He is smart and clever, witty and attractive, but stubborn, often fierce, and most of the time when he comes down to emotion he is an empty well. You would keep on prodding and pushing and eventually he would give, rubbing clear a tiny patch on his dirt-window veneer, and you could see inside for just a moment until the fog clouds the glass once more.

But it would be so god damn bright in that little glimpse of shafts of light, dust stirring around like his heart was a disused attic, boxes of broken toys stored in the corners, and you would think �I could be happy here.�

-*-

III. Brian

"Morning, Sunshine."

He grunted as he came out of the bedroom and wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing his face against your shoulder.

"Sleep well?"

He grunted again and you suppressed a smile, reaching over to pour him a mug of coffee. You both sat at the counter, side by side, exchanging little looks and tiny smiles. You felt stupid, like a teenager during the first flushes of love, and you mentally smacked yourself. It was only Justin after all. You�d spent many mornings with him like this, watching him consume copious amounts of caffeine until he was wide awake enough to actually contemplate doing something with his day.

"You going into the office today?" he asked, and you nodded.

"I have a meeting at eleven but I can leave after that."

He drained the dregs from his cup. "I was thinking about calling Mel and Linds and finding out whether they wanted to take Gus and JR down the park."

You placed a kiss against the side of his head and moved back towards the bedroom, opening the wardrobe to find a suit. "Sounds like a plan."

You glanced towards the living room as he put in his call, laughing when Linds stuck Gus on the line, and dropped your jeans.

The shower was deliciously hot as you stepped into it, and you stood under the spray, your head tilted upwards. You decided that you were definitely heading to Babylon that night, no matter what happened. You had spent every night there before Justin�s return, and it felt foreign not to be there, surrounded by the swaying mass of testosterone filled bodies, your stomach full of the heat from all of the alcohol you would consume.

"I�m meeting them in an hour," Justin said, as he opened the shower door and slipped in behind you.

This was an unexpected turn of events.

"That�s nice." You closed your eyes again, trying not to sigh appreciatively as he grabbed the soap and started running it over your shoulders.

"So we have a little time," he continued, "if you want to�" He demonstrated what he meant by leaning up and kissing the side of your neck.

It was one thing telling him no when he was clearly upset, and entirely another when he stood naked, invading your space, running one hand down the hard plains of your stomach towards your rapidly hardening cock.

You spun around and caught hold of his wrists, pinning them back against the glass, and pushed him backwards, manoeuvering one of your legs between his.

He raised one eyebrow, almost mockingly, as if he knew you couldn�t resist, and you practically growled, capturing his bottom lip between your teeth, nipping it sharply before soothing it with a sweep of your tongue.

You ground down against him, the water dripping down between you, and slid your cock against his. He bucked forwards, slamming his hips against yours, and struggled against your grip on his wrists.

You refused to let go, and it became frantic, a clashing of teeth as he crushed his mouth against yours. You pressed yourselves together, desperate for more friction, the desire thrumming between you like the beating of your pulse.

It didn�t last long: you knew it wouldn�t, the combination of resisting him for so long and the stiffness of morning wood driving you on. He came first, his head knocking back against the side of the shower, and cried out, his voice and echo in the cavern of your mouth as you claimed another searing kiss, the throbbing of his prick and the sudden burst of slickness against your own setting you off.

You dug your fingernails into the skin of his wrists, and shuddered against him through your own release, distantly aware that he had curled his fingers around your hands.

Breathing heavily, you collapsed against him, pinning him with your weight, and he gently shook his arms free, hooking one around your waist, holding you up.

"I think I like mornings," he said, and you had to laugh.

-*-

IV. Justin

You thought you had made progress that morning when he didn�t turn you down in the shower. Still, you supposed you had manipulated the situation, catching him by surprise when his defenses were down.

Not that he was going to complain anyway, with you sneaking up behind him and sliding against his back. He�d never been able to deny you in the shower, beads of water cascading down your face.

You walked to the park with a bounce in your step; he�d even agreed to meet you all for lunch, even if he had proclaimed loudly that tables were made for a reason and that only the poor should eat lunch on the grass.

You rounded the corner and paused when you saw Mel and Linds with the kids, JR sitting on Mel�s lap, a sun bonnet propped up on her head, and Gus sitting in the sandpit making a mess of his clothes and getting sand in his hair.

You envied them really, how easy it was for them to desire and have children. Regardless of their sexuality, they were still women and it was expected of them to want those things. You watched Gus, who looked like a softer version of Brian the more he grew, and wondered if you would ever have offspring of your own.

Some days it didn�t bother you when you thought you probably never would, but on others it seemed that everything was a painful reminder that if you chose that option it would be far more difficult than if you were straight. Not to mention that biologically you could never produce something that was the combination of yourself and the man you loved.

You knew it was probably a silly point to argue, because how you brought up a child was far more important. Hunter was a testament to that, influenced far more by the nurturing folds of Michael and Ben than by his abusive mother. But still, growing up like you had, where man and woman meant love, private school was the path and business college the goal, it was hard to train yourself to think you could have anything else.

You smiled as Gus dumped a bucketful of sand on his lap, and shook yourself from your musings. You really had no reason to think that way. You�d never seen him as explicitly belonging to Linds and Brian because they were the biological parents, always seeing Mel as very much his second mom.

Linds looked up when you approached, and smiled warmly, patting the bench next to her.

"You look like you�ve been shagged," Mel said bluntly, which earned her a warning look.

You shook your head, aware of the words you used around the kids. "Not quite."

"You should be careful," Linds warned, one eye on Gus. "You know how easy it would be to fall back into him."

"I am careful," you replied. "I�m still going home within the week."

You ignored the skeptical look they exchanged and knelt down to play with Gus.

-*-

V. Brian

You hated meetings with companies like the soda firm; fat, over-dressed bosses squeezing themselves into your chairs like overstuffed Thanksgiving turkeys. They were barely even interested in what you had to say. But you saw it as a challenge, and by the time you left the office around one in the afternoon, you had a spring in your step.

As you entered the park you saw Mel and Linds first, side by side on a bench, trying to spoon mush into JR�s mouth. Then you saw Justin further out on the grass, beaming his head off as he retrieved a ball Gus had kicked in his direction.

You stopped for a moment in the shade of some trees and watched them. You envied Justin sometimes, the way it all seemed so easy to him, his natural curiosity to relate to children endearing Gus to his side.

As he got older, your feelings towards Gus had changed, and you no longer saw him as a tiny ticking time bomb counting down the seconds until your death. It surprised you but you wanted to see him grow up, change, carve his own path into the world. You�d wanted him to stay in Pittsburgh where you could watch all that, but you knew it wasn�t exactly fair of you when you had asked. You�d never been in favour of making yourself a part of his life, and you didn�t really blame Mel and Linds for taking him away to Canada, but still, you felt like now you had lost your chance.

You strode out towards the bench, snatching your sunglasses from your pocket and sticking them on, and you stood looking down at Mel and Linds, a disgusted expression on your face as JR gurgled and a bubble of mush made its way down her chin.

"Want to hold her?" Linds asked, and you stared at her incredulously.

"In this suit? I don�t think so."

Mel snorted and looked away, which you were glad about. You didn�t want to fight. You sat down carefully on the blanket they had set out by their feet and rummaged through the picnic hamper Debb had packed for them.

Justin jogged over and plonked himself down next to you, leaning across to kiss your cheek, Gus racing after him across the grass, his little legs pumping in an effort to catch up.

"Hello Sonnyboy," you said to Justin. "Have fun playing in the park?"

He narrowed his eyes at you and you laughed, turning to repeat the same question to Gus whose attention was momentarily distracted by one of the sandwiches Linds had just pulled out.

He turned and smiled at you, grasping at the leg of your pants with one of his sticky hands, and you tried not to make a face.

"Well this is nice," Linds said. "It�s like we�re all a real family."

"Family," you told her, "is highly overrated. What�s wrong with being a couple of dykes and a couple of fags in the park with their illegitimate unrelated children?"

"You don�t have to put it quite like that."

"Why not?" you replied, ignoring Justin when he elbowed you in the side. "It�s the truth isn�t it? No point in saying it isn�t."

Mel pursed her lips.

You could never quite bring yourself to feel bad for pointing these things out. You had never liked to sugar-coat the truth, and even though you knew it pained Linds to be reminded that her children didn�t share their blood, you didn�t think it a good idea to pretend otherwise.

"We�re queers," you concluded before sticking a sandwich in your mouth. "Nothing will ever be normal for us."

-*-

VI. Justin

You hated it when Brian acted like that. You felt it was completely unnecessary, doing nothing but spoiling the serenity of the day. But at the same time it was something you understood.

It was true to say that he�d never been one to practice the art of tact, but when he was like that, making caustic comments seemingly out of left field, you knew that he was acting purely out of defense.

He would never admit it if you asked, but it was hard for him seeing Gus. After the bombing he had received a rude awakening, and in his own fucked up way he had wanted to do what was right by his son. It was difficult for him to let go of Gus and you knew that his little show was in part his attempt at not allowing himself to get close to him again because he would be leaving soon.

A bit like how it was with you.

You tried to ignore the wave of guilt that hit you and accepted a sandwich from Linds with a smile on your face.

You knew that while there were similarities, your situation was very different from the one that happened with Gus. You had made a conscious decision to leave, knowing that if you had stayed, somewhere along the line you would have blamed Brian for not having your chance.

You knew all this, you had gone over it many times, both before you left and after, sitting on the shabby couch in the apartment you shared with Daphne�s friend, trying to talk yourself out of returning home. You had been so lonely the first couple of months, there was no way of getting around that, but you had made yourself stay. It was for the best, you repeated every morning to the mirror, like a mantra, and it was what you wanted, however hard it was initially.

You wondered what it would be like when you returned, if it would start all over again, and you decided that you wouldn�t allow it.

You had too many things going on, too many canvases to paint and art shows to set up. It wasn�t practical to sit around moping over lost loves, and that�s what it was all about these days. It was about the practicalities of the situation, what you could cling onto when the days lasted too long and you momentarily slipped up, thinking for just one second that when you got back to your apartment you could change and go and meet Brian at Babylon where just one look would remind you that however bad things got it was only temporary, that tomorrow was always another day.

But then you would remember where you were, where he was, and it would suddenly feel just a little worse.

-*-

VII. Brian

The munchers finally left around mid-afternoon, promising that they would see you again before they left, and you heaved yourself up to take their place on the bench.

Justin sprawled out on the grass at your feet, tucking his arms behind his head, a small smile playing across his lips, and squinted against the sun to look up at you.

"It�s just like the old days," he said.

You snorted and pushed your sunglasses up on your head. "Sunshine, you�re too young to be getting nostalgic."

"You�re not," he pointed out with a cheeky grin, and you rolled your eyes.

"Unlike you and the lesbians, I put little stock in sentimentality. It�s too much like idealism for my liking."

It was Justin�s turn to roll his eyes. "You have to admit that it�s nice that they are here too. It�s like nothing has ever changed."

"Everything has changed." You pulled your sunglasses back down and looked across towards the trees. You felt him studying you and you shifted uncomfortably.

"I know that," he said, and got up, lowering himself onto the bench next to you. "Physically, at least. The emotions are the same."

You snorted. "Emotions are for dykes and breeders. They think that stupid crap like love can transcend everything, last across the distance. As far as I am concerned out of sight is out of mind."

"Brian." You looked back at him, your eyes hidden behind your glasses, and he reached over, plucking them off. "You don�t believe that really," he said.

"Don�t I?"

"Of course not." He shook his head, looking adamant. "If you believe that then we wouldn�t have had so many problems when I first came back."

You knew it was true. You had known it even when you were speaking. You just wished it wasn�t and thought that perhaps by saying it aloud it would make it more real, as if somehow you could make yourself believe.

But he was right, you knew it and he knew it, and you hated that.

Of course you had thought about him while he was gone, possibly more so than when he had been around. It was the reason why you had thrown yourself into your work, forgetting to pause for breath between trips to the office and nights out at the club, as if slowing down long enough to sit would entice the memories to reappear.

You hated that part worst of all, how a family walking down the street would remind you of Gus, how the back of a blonde head in Babylon would yank you back towards thoughts of Justin, and you would have to try everything in your power to stop yourself running after the blonde and pulling him around, just to check.

Just in case he turned out to be real.

-*-

VIII. Justin

You left the park together, Brian walking just far enough away so you couldn�t take his hand, and made plans to meet up in Babylon later that evening.

You went your separate ways and you found yourself back at your mother�s house, watching TV for a while before you decided it was time to shower and get changed.

You pulled your clothes out of your bag -you hadn�t bothered to unpack- and lay them out on the bed, trying to decide what to wear.

The phone rang from downstairs and you took them two at a time, skidding across the kitchen floor before you came to a stop, and you picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Sweetie, it�s Emmett."

"Oh, hi Emm, how�s it going?" You sat down, fiddling with a flyer advertising a dance at the Gay and Lesbian Center at the end of the week.

"Fantastic. Just got back from the diner. Mel and Linds said you spent the afternoon with them in the park?"

"Yeah, that�s right. Brian came along too when he got out of work."

"Did he now?" You could hear the teasing in his voice. "It�s not like him to play happy families."

"He complained bitterly," you admitted, turning the flyer over. "But I think secretly he enjoyed it."

Emm snorted and you heard him saying something to Debb. "Anyway, I was just calling to see what you�re up to tonight. Ted and I are going to go to Woody�s for a drink before we go onto Babylon."

"Yeah, I�ve arranged to meet Brian at the club later."

"Great! So what do you say to meeting us first? He can�t keep you to himself for your entire stay."

You laughed. It was so easy to fall back in to the same routine, meeting up for drinks and then dancing the night away at the club. You had missed Brian most, but you missed the other guys too. Especially Emm.

"Sure. See you there in an hour?"

"Sure thing, sweetie. I�ll order you a cocktail while we wait."

You groaned. "Not planning on getting me drunk again are you?"

Emmett gasped. "Now why would I do a thing like that?" You laughed, imagining his teasing smile as he spoke. "I�ll be good. Promise."

"Alright then. See you later, Emm."

You put down the phone, glancing once more at the flyer before heading back upstairs to get dressed.

-*-

IX. Brian

Mikey was waiting for you when you got back to the loft, leaning against the wall looking like he�d been waiting a while.

"Finally!" he said, when you stepped out of the elevator. "I thought you were never going to show up."

You glanced at him and unlocked the door, throwing your briefcase down on the couch as you moved through into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge.

"So what�s up, Mikey? Couldn�t stay away from me, hm?" You drank deeply and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.

"Emmett and Ted were planning on asking Justin to Woody�s for an hour before going to the club."

"Ah, I see. And you didn�t want to increase your blood pressure by being around Sunshine?"

He shrugged and sat down on a stool, placing his elbows on the counter top. "Something like that. Thought I would go straight to Babylon with you. Haven�t seen all that much of you since he came back."

You pulled out a joint from the tin on the counter and held it out to him. "I don�t want the third degree again, Mikey. If you�ve come to lecture me about Justin you can just turn around and leave."

He looked at you, wounded, and took the joint, lighting it with a match. "I wasn�t going to!" he said, and took a long drag, the smoke billowing out of his nostrils and coiling around his head. "But there is something I thought you should know."

"Isn�t there always?" You waited until he took another toke and then reached across, taking it from him.

"It�s this," he said, and pulled something from his shirt pocket, pushing it across to you. "Emm and Ted were discussing it at the diner earlier."

You took a hit on the joint and glanced down at it. It was a flyer from the Gay and Lesbian Center, their logo emblazoned across the top, advertising a formal dance for charity in a few days.

You glanced up at him and cocked your head. "It�s very sweet of you, Mikey, but shouldn�t the professor get first refusal?"

He snorted and took the joint when you offered it back. "I�m not asking you to it, moron. I�m giving you a warning."

"Why would I need a warning?" You shrugged off the jacket of your suit, loosening your tie, trying to ignore the sudden uneasy tightness in your chest.

"Emm and Ted are definitely going and I know Mel and Linds will too. Ma said she was considering it and I know Ben and I will get roped in along the way."

"So?" You pulled your tie from around your neck and draped it over the stool next to you.

"So, it�s the evening before Justin leaves. Emm will mention it to him."

"Good for him."

Mikey frowned and took another hit. "Are you being annoying on purpose?"

"Afraid not. It�s a natural talent." You smirked at him and took the joint once again, concentrating on the taste of it in your throat as you inhaled.

Mikey tapped the flyer again. "If Boy Wonder hears about it he will want to go, and he will expect you to be the one to take him."

"Sadly in this life expectations are not always met." You finished the joint and stubbed it out in the ashtray before getting up and padding across the floor to the bedroom, throwing open your wardrobe. You picked out two shirts and held them up for Mikey�s opinion as he followed you into the room. "Which one?"

He glanced from one to the other and back up at your face. "They look exactly the same."

You raised one eyebrow at him. "One is Cerruti and the other is DKNY. Do you have to be so plebeian?"

Mikey shrugged and pointed randomly at one. You glanced at it and chose the other.

"You�re not going to go then?" he asked, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

You shrugged off your shirt and pulled the other one over your head. "Of course I�m not going to go. What kind of stupid question is that?"

"Are you sure?" he glanced up.

"Yes, I�m sure!" you replied, and pulled off your pants and hung them up before squeezing yourself into a pair of jeans. "We already tried the whole formal dance thing and look how that turned out."

He pulled a face. "Is that the reason you wouldn�t go?"

"No." You sat down next to him and pulled your shoes on before hooking one arm around his neck. "I don�t do silly, sappy things like dances. What do you care anyway?"

He shrugged, looking almost embarrassed. "I don�t. Not really. I just figured that the fewer possible romantic situations you got yourself into while he was here the better."

You shot him a smile and nudged the side of his head with your nose, ignoring the panic in your gut. "Don�t be pathetic, Mikey. I don�t believe in romance."

You pulled him to his feet and dragged him towards the door, grabbing your wallet on the way past the kitchen.

"You said that about love," he pointed out, and you ignored him.

-*-

X. Justin

You spotted Emmett and Ted as soon as you entered Woody�s. Emm was hard to miss, propping up the bar wearing what could only be described as a neon yellow shirt and tight leather trousers.

He waved you over and kissed you on both cheeks. "Sweetie, you look delicious! I would eat you up if I wasn�t afraid Brian would hunt me down and kill me."

He already sounded tipsy and you smiled, accepting the flowery-looking cocktail he pushed towards you. "You look good too, Emm."

Ted stopped grilling the bored looking muscle-boy next to him and leant around Emmett, grinning. "Have a good time in the park?"

You laughed. "Word sure gets around fast."

"Melanie and Lindsay were in the diner earlier," he explained, and took a sip from his glass before nudging Emmett. "Tell him the news."

You glanced at Emmett who was smiling widely, looking like he was about to burst from excitement, "The GLC is holding a formal dance the night before you fly back to New York. We thought we would all go."

"Who is we?" you asked, remembering the flyer in your mother�s house.

"Me, Ted, Mel and Linds, Mikey and Ben, Hunter and whomever he brings, Debb and her police chief, you and Brian."

"Brian has agreed to go?"

You didn�t miss the look Emm and Ted exchanged.

"Not exactly�" Emm replied, and trailed a finger around the rim of his glass.

"What do you mean �not exactly�? You haven�t even asked him, have you?"

"Maybe not," Emm said, and looked at you. "We thought it would be better if you asked. He�s not going to say no to you."

"Yes he will!" you laughed. "If he doesn�t want to do something it doesn�t matter who asks him. Besides, what makes you think I want to go?"

"You don�t?" Ted chimed in. "We thought this would be something you would enjoy, especially with the whole gang there and you flying home the next day."

You shrugged and looked into your glass. "I�ve been put off dances," you said.

"Oh sweetie!" Emm flung his arms around you and leaned in close. "We know your prom wasn�t exactly fun but I�m sure you had a good time before�" he trailed off with a sigh.

"Before I was bashed," you finished for him. "You can say it you know." You took a long drink from your glass. "I don�t know what it was like before then. I don�t remember hardly a thing."

"Isn�t this the perfect chance to recapture it then?" Ted asked, looking serious. "You can try and make up for what you missed."

"Nothing will ever make up for it," you replied, giving him a look.

Emmett rested his head on your shoulder and pouted. "If you�re worried about something happening, it won�t. The only straight people there will be ones like Debb who have gay relatives or friends."

"Like that means anything!" you shot back. "It was all queers at the club but that didn�t stop someone bombing it."

"That�s not going to happen again, sweetie," Emm said quietly, while Ted ordered another round of drinks.

"How can you be so sure?"

He paused and exchanged another look with Ted before answering. "We can�t, but you can�t live your life in fear."

You snorted and accepted your second drink. "I�m not scared," you replied. "I just don�t see the point in going."

Emmett sighed again and patted your hand before sitting up straight. "Alright, you don�t have to go if you don�t want to."

You nodded and shot him a grateful look, immediately changing the subject as a drag queen in an elaborate headdress walked into the bar and you pointed her out to Emm who immediately began cooing over her dress.

You didn�t want to think about the dance for one second more.

-*-

XI. Brian

You weaved your way across the dance floor, pulling Mikey with you, nodding to a couple of people on the way, ignoring the guys who were eyeing you up.

You climbed up onto one of the podiums, smiling at the dancer as you told him to go and take a break, and reached for the vial in your pocket, offering Mikey a sniff.

He looked at you skeptically but accepted it anyway, and you took your hit after him, placing the vial back into your pocket before slipping your arms over his shoulders, pressing your forehead against his as you began to sway to the beat, letting the drugs coursing their way through your veins and the familiar touch of Mikey�s body pressed against yours calm you down.

You were glad to be back in the club at last, the heavy noise from the speakers preventing you from holding a conversation without shouting, and you leaned further into Mikey, closing your eyes.

You were determined not to attend the stupid dance, whether Justin wanted it or not. You had no intention of going anywhere that reminded you of the prom; it was almost like tempting fate, and while you could accept that you had lost him to the allure of the Big Apple with its collection of preened, over-inflated egos, you couldn�t handle the thought of losing him altogether.

As long as he was alive somewhere in the world you knew you stood a chance.

A chance for what, you refused to think about, and that was the other reason you had no desire to go to the dance. As well as it being held at the center, not exactly your favourite place, you refused to make any deliberate actions that would encourage the tentative, uneasy agreement you had made with him for just this week.

Dressing up in formal attire was too much like going on a date, and you were reluctant to revisit the emotions you had when you had walked into the hall where his prom was being held, and he saw you and rewarded you with his broad, carefree smile.

Everything was different now, and you knew that even if you agreed to go along, it would be nothing like that night. Too many things had happened since then for it to be relaxed, and the entire time you were there you would be plastering a forced joy upon your face, making a mockery of the natural rhythm of prom night, all the while tasting the bitter regret that he would never remember and you would never forget.

Mikey nudged you and you opened your eyes, following the direction of his gaze, and you spotted Emmett and Ted picking their way through the crowd, Justin not far behind them, a grim smile on his face.

You sighed and moved back against Mikey, knowing your delicate peace would be shattered before too much longer.

By the expression on Justin's face, you hedged a bet with pretty safe odds that he had already been told about the dance.

You just hoped that he wouldn�t look too hurt when you told him there was no way you would ever go.

-*-

XII. Justin

You smiled when you saw Brian up on the podium, completely unaware that there was a circle of people below him, moving to the music, their eyes firmly attached to his face.

Emmett was in front of you and he pushed his way through the people and leapt up onto the podium, dragging Mikey down. It was so blatantly obvious, and you had to laugh when he claimed he hadn�t seen him for hours and he simply must buy him a drink.

Emmett gave you a wink on the way past, and inclined his head towards Brian who was now dancing alone, drawing more attention from the guys who you assumed now thought they now had a chance of being the next person up there with him.

Brian glanced down at you as you approached, and reached down, offering you a hand.

You took it and pulled yourself up, shooting a smug smile at a man nearby who groaned his disapproval at Brian�s choice.

Once you were up on the podium he wrapped his arms around you and buried his face against your neck. He was obviously off his head, but you couldn�t exactly bring yourself to stop him, so you drew him against you, winding your arms around his waist.

He felt a little stiff as he moved, holding onto you more tightly than he usually did, and you wondered for a moment if something had happened.

The song came to an end and the DJ spoke up. You almost groaned when he announced the dance at the center, and felt Brian stiffen even further.

So this was what it was all about?

"Sunshine," he said against your neck, and pulled back a bit to look at you. "Do you�?"

You shook your head. "Emm and Ted have already told me all about it, and I don�t want to go so you can relax."

He furrowed his brows. "Why not?"

"I don�t see the point," you shrugged, and moved your mouth over to his ear when the next song began. "We did it once. Why bother again? I don�t want to do anything similar to that night."

He frowned and moved his own head so he could shout into your ear. "I thought you would want to, since you didn�t remember the last time."

"No." You shook your head again. "I don�t want to tempt fate." You looked at him intently and he watched you back. "Don�t tell me you want to go?"

"Of course I don�t," he scoffed. "I�m just surprised that you don�t want to, that�s all. It isn�t because you�re frightened that something similar will happen is it? Because if it is, then that�s not a good reason to stay away."

"Why do you care about the reason?" you replied. "As long as I don�t want to go then surely that�s alright?"

"I wouldn�t go either way, Sunshine, whatever you said," he told you, and looked at you through hooded eyes. "But that doesn�t mean you shouldn�t. Nothing bad will happen."

You rolled your eyes and pulled him close again, reluctant to continue with the conversation. "I�ve already had this out with Emm. I�m not scared, but even if I was, so what? There�s no reason to go; it�s just a stupid dance."

You felt him grimace against you but he didn�t say anything else.

Good, let it stay like that.

-*-

XIII. Brian

You were a little surprised that Justin didn�t want to go, but then you caught sight of the look on his face and instantly understood.

He couldn�t remember hardly anything from that night but he was still wary that it would turn out the same way. He couldn�t admit it but he had always been an open book, and you could feel it now in the way he pressed his face against your neck, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

You closed your eyes again, losing yourself in the pounding of the beat. It almost made you want to take him to the dance, to prove to him that there was nothing to be scared of, but that would be hypocritical because you worried about the same things, and besides, there was the rest of it to worry about and you didn�t want to think about watching him enjoying himself, being there with you, not knowing when you would ever get the chance to see it again.

Your cell phone rang and you scowled, pulling away from Justin as you grabbed it from your pocket, snapping it open.

"Hello?"

The familiar, irritatingly nasal voice of your sister came down the line and you started talking before she had a chance to get her words in.

"Whatever you want, I don�t want to hear it," you shouted above the music. "You want money then tough shit. Go ask some other schmuck."

You snapped the phone shut and stuck it back inside your shirt. "My miserable excuse for a sister," you explained to Justin, who was giving you a confused look.

"What did she want?" he asked, and you shrugged in response. "I don�t know. I didn�t give her a chance to tell me."

He bit his lip at that. "What if it was important?"

"Oh, I�m sure it was. She probably needed money, but she can just forget it."

You pulled him close again and continued dancing with him when the phone rang again.

"For fuck�s sake!" You pulled it out and moved to turn it off when Justin took it from your hands.

"You should really see what she wants," he said.

"After what she accused me of doing to her precious son? I don�t think so. You answer it if you want to know so badly. Pretend I left."

Justin shrugged and opened the phone, silencing the ring tone, and held it up to his ear. You ignored the little frown that appeared on his face and took another snort from your vial before closing your eyes, leaning back slightly, catching tiny snippets of the conversation as you moved to the beat..

"Right. I�ll tell him. Okay. Bye."

He closed the phone and you glanced up when he pushed it back into your pocket. "It�s your mother."

"Fuck. If she�s calling as well then they must be getting desperate. What happened, did she drink all her money away?"

"Brian." He placed a hand on your shoulder, preventing you from dancing, and looked up into your face. "Your mother is dead."

Everything froze.

-*-

Epilogue.

Some people say that it�s rude to disrespect the dead, and for the most part Justin agrees.

But when the news of their passing can produce such a reaction in someone he loves, making them turn into a block of ice in three seconds flat, all he wants to do is curse them into the furthest realms of hell.

Brian�s mother had never been interested in him for as long as he had known him, and according to everyone else it had been like that since the day he had been born.

Justin followed him to the bar and watched wordlessly as he ordered multiple shots and lined them up in front of him, knocking them all back, one for each decade of her life.

He thinks it�s foolish to hate someone he had barely even met, but he felt a surge of it, red hot as it pounded through his head, as he watched Brian standing rigid, refusing to respond to his name.

If she hadn�t been dead already, for a split second Justin thinks that maybe he would have killed her himself.
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