RELEASE TO OBLIVION

Detective Alex Eames checked her uniform in the mirror. “Yes,” she thought, “all things supposed to be shiny shiny and all things supposed to be dull dull.” She turned to check the back of her dress blues, and was pleased to note that the outfit did not accent her hips. “Looks a lot better than when I was pregnant,” she thought, “and the ceremony is indoors so I don’t have to worry about hat hair.”



“Alex?”



Alex turned to see Detective Lynn Bishop, also resplendent in her dress uniform.



“Hi, Lynn.” Alex greeted her warmly. It would be an exaggeration to say they were friends, but they were certainly friendly acquaintances. In the months since Bishop’s temporary partnership with Goren had ended, she and Alex had rubbed shoulders at several functions. The experience of working with Bobby Goren gave them a bond, and Alex had been surprised and pleased to discover Bishop was nearly as protective of Bobby as she was.



“Your partner here yet?” Bishop couldn’t quite hide her excitement.



“Not yet—you ready to worship at his feet?” Alex teased.



Bishop grinned. There was a time when she would have left Alex with a pointed glare for that remark, but that had washed away one evening on several rum and cokes for her and margaritas for Alex. “I’m past that now,” she said. “I just want to kiss his ring.”



Alex grinned back. “No, haven’t seen him. And if he doesn’t get here soon he’s going to be kissing another part of my anatomy.”



Bishop laughed. “And you’re one of the few people who could make him do that.” Bishop was checking her uniform. “Am I ok?”



“More than ok—very prim and proper,” Alex said.



“He really doesn’t like this sort of thing, does he,” Bishop asked as they left the bathroom.



Alex scanned the crowd for any sight of Goren. “No…it makes him really uncomfortable…I found out about this from Deakins, and Goren would have never told me he already had one Medal of Honor…”



“This is his second?” Bishop was clearly awed.



“Yes,” Alex said. “Back to worshipping at his feet?”



Bishop smiled, “Well, maybe.” She caught the eye of another officer. “Sorry, Alex, gotta go. Don’t let Goren get out of here without letting me thank him—you can enjoy watching him squirm.”



Alex gave Bishop a wave of goodbye and returned to the search for Goren. She had offered to pick him up for the ceremony. Bobby was in the midst of leaving early and had declined her offer with a speed that had shocked her. She was equally surprised a few moments later to discover Goren standing before her.



“Change your mind, Bobby?”



“No, but, Alex…I’m sorry…” He was so contrite that Alex instantly forgave him for his slight breach of etiquette. “I have to do some things and pick up my uniform…”



“Ok, just be there, ok? I need company to get me through these things too.”



He smiled and nodded.



Alex continued watching the crowd as she considered Bobby Goren’s recent behavior. It seemed he “had to do some things” a lot recently, not that it affected his work. His work, and their professional partnership, had never been better. The Ericsson case had been a two-edged sword: their quick, discrete resolution of the case brought them greater freedom and trust from the brass, the state, and the Feds; but it had also brought them more difficult, potentially explosive cases. Bobby handled the cases with seemingly effortless brilliance, and even Alex found that she failed to immediately realize the work and study each required. Their personal relationship, however, was slightly changed. Early in their partnership they had established a custom of having dinner together at the end of a case. The dinners, especially after difficult

cases, were often silent affairs, but Alex had come to anticipate and depend on them. After the Ericsson case, Bobby had changed the timing of the dinners to the day after an investigation’s conclusion. He hadn’t told her why, but Alex suspected he needed time alone.

Alex realized that on the days of those dinners Bobby often arrived at work just on time or even a few minutes late. He also walked and sat stiffly, and his attitude was a curious combination of the relaxed and the wary. “And,” Alex thought, “the same stiffness…he acts like his back is hurting him…and that attitude is around the days after he visits his mom…And there are times on those days when he doesn’t seem to be able to look me in the eye…”



Her train of thought broke as Alex spied Bobby Goren hugging the wall of the hall. “He really does seem to be in pain,” she thought as she moved towards him. Bobby, doing his best to conceal his large frame, shuffled along the wall. He shyly nodded at officers who offered him congratulations, and Alex noted that he seemed to shudder slightly when a few slapped him on the back.



She finally reached him. His back was to her, and she reached up to squeeze his shoulder. He jumped.



“Bobby…sorry…are you ok?” Alex felt terrible. She wasn’t sure what she had done, but she knew she had hurt him.



“I’m…ok…really.” Bobby calmed himself. He carried his jacket on a hanger in one hand and his hat in the other.



Alex noted that his dress uniform shirt seemed loose. “You’ve lost some weight…”



“Yea…had to have the jacket and pants altered a bit.” Bobby looked around at the crowd. “I really don’t like these things…”he said softly.



“Well, we can be miserable together,” Alex said. “Here, let me help you with your jacket.” She took the jacket off the hanger and held it up for Bobby to slip it on. Even with her help, it took him some effort to get it on his shoulders. Alex barely suppressed a grasp as the cuffs of Bobby’s dress shirt rode up to reveal his wrists.



There, distinct, red, and ugly, were the marks of rope burns.



“Detective Goren!” Lynn Bishop emerged from the crowd carrying a handsome older couple in her wake. Alex Eames had never been so glad to see someone in her life.



“This,” Bishop, happily oblivious to her new status as Alex’s savior, “is my mother and father.”



Alex was scarcely aware as the usual introductions occurred. Although Bobby carried the air of a man who would rather be in the process of having major dental work without medication than attending this event, he was polite and gracious. He clearly charmed and delighted Bishop’s parents, and Bishop beamed at Bobby’s words of praise. The conversation bought Alex enough time to regain her composure, and by the time she and Bobby arrived at their seats her ability to speak had returned.



The ceremony began before she could employ that newly recovered ability to talk with Bobby. Throughout the evening, Alex was unnaturally aware of her partner. She could feel waves of tension floating from him, but Bobby was in remarkable control. He accepted the medal graciously and quietly, making a point to acknowledge Bishop and the others involved in the operation. He took every opportunity to praise Deakins and even Carver. And, at every chance and to everyone, he extolled the efforts and talents of Detective Alex Eames.



“He’s on his best behavior tonight,” Deakins said.



Alex started—she was so concentrated on Bobby that she failed to notice Deakins standing next to her.



“Yes…the Goren charm is on full blast.” Alex wasn’t sure how much of her concerns about her partner she should reveal to her captain, especially when she wasn’t entirely sure what those concerns were. “He looks good in uniform…so do you, Captain.”



Deakins smiled at her, and returned his attention to Bobby. “He’s lost weight,” he said quietly. “He needs a vacation, and I’m making him take next week off even if the Chief of Detectives screams.”



“I think vacations are work for Goren,” Alex responded. It occurred to her that she had never known Bobby to take a real vacation during the time they had worked together.



“Well, his job for the next week is to get some r and r.” Deakins gave a half smile. “Poor guy…Carver’s got him trapped with some of his colleagues…Go rescue him, Alex…No one deserves to be bored to death by a pack of ADA’s.”



Alex grinned and plunged towards the gaggle of suits. Bobby’s head hovered above the flock of lawyers, and his line of sight caught hers. There was a desperate, “please, get me out of here!”, look in his eyes.



“’S’cuse me, ladies…gentlemen…I need to speak to my partner before he puts you all to sleep.” Alex hooked her arm around Bobby’s and steered him away from the lawyers. They found a refuge in a corner of the hall.



Bobby ran his hand across his face. “Thank you,” he said. “I don’t know how much more of that I could take.” There was no humor in his voice, and Alex sensed he really was nearing the end of his emotional reserves.



“You take a cab here?” she asked. Bobby nodded. “I drove—let me get you out of here, ok?”



He looked at her with enormous relief and gratitude. “Yes, please, I’d…thank you.”



“It’s even better than you think.” She smiled at him. “I’ve got my Dad’s old Mustang.”



Their escape went smoothly, although Alex did catch Carver giving them an evil eye as they slipped out a side door.



“This,” Bobby said reverently in the parking garage, “is a great car.”



Alex stepped in front of him to unlock the passenger door. “Might be a tight fit for you.”



“That’s all right.” Bobby seemed genuinely happy to have his knees jammed up against his chest. “This is beautiful…”



“Family project, really,” said Alex as she maneuvered the bright blue car out of the parking garage. “It’s Dad’s, but we all worked on it when we were teenagers--we’ve been fighting to borrow it ever since.” She cast a sidelong look at Bobby. “I won tonight—my Dad said having a partner win his second Medal of Honor was worth celebrating.”



Even focused on traffic Alex felt Bobby’s mood deflating. A glance at her side found Bobby staring at the box in his hands. “I’ve got to talk to him,” Alex thought. “He’s clearly hurting himself…one of the explanations has to be he’s going to Marcella Torte…what would make him go there? Guilt?...We have to talk…He could hurt me…he could hurt other cops…civilians…He’s my partner, he’s my friend…he’s…”



“Bobby, where do you keep the other one?”



“Other…?” Bobby roused himself from his thoughts.



“Medal…my uncle won one…he kept it on his mantle…” Alex swallowed. This was not the best direction for this conversation.



“I …I gave it to my mom.” Bobby looked out the window. “But she…she…didn’t, couldn’t…know what it was.” Alex felt a small crack appear in her heart. “The staff…they were afraid it might get lost…it’s in a box somewhere at my place…” Bobby’s voice drifted away.



Alex was on the verge of tears. Detective Robert Goren had received one of the highest honors his profession could bestow not once, but twice, and had no one with which to share that honor. Alex struggled to grip her reserve of emotional strength. She knew she would need

every once of it to get through the rest of this evening. Alex tried another tactic.



“Hey,” she asked, “you want to shed these dress blues and go somewhere and try to work off your margarita debt to me?”



Bobby turned from his contemplation of the New York streets to Alex. “Haven’t I paid that off yet?” Alex could hear the underlying strain in his voice.



“Nah, you still owe me…it’s collecting interest.” Alex thought that neutral territory might be the best setting for a talk.



Bobby didn’t give her that option. “I really…I’m not in the mood for a bar…After all, I just escaped from a room of noisy people.”



They were not far from Bobby’s apartment. Alex realized that she had to make her move now.



“You know, Bobby, you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you. I’ve told you before—I’m in it for the ride. But…you got to let me know what’s going on…you’ve got to let me help you…”



Alex saw a parking spot in front of Bobby’s address—“A miracle,” she thought—and gracefully parked the Mustang. She turned to face Bobby. He unbuckled his safety belt, opened his door, and unfolded his frame from the seat. Alex unbuckled her belt—she decided she would follow him around all of Manhattan if she had to. Bobby turned back to her and bent down.



“Here,” he said, offering the medal to her, “you take this. You deserve it—you know what it means…”



Alex’s shock caused a moment of hesitation, but she recovered and grabbed Bobby’s hand. Her other hand gently pushed up the cuffs of his jacket and shirt. Bobby, stunned and horrified, looked down at their hands.



“Bobby,” Alex said, nodding down at the marks on his wrist. “We have to talk about this.”



End Chapter