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Hunting Humanity VII	By : greenwizard11 Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1262 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Supernatural universe. No money is being made from this story.

Chapter List
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Sam came in and hung up the phone, shoving it back in his pocket. Dean, Liam, and Castiel were watching TV. “How was therapy?” Dean asked his brother.

“It was, um, okay I guess,” Sam joined them. “A little weird for me since the guy is an old friend of Natalie’s. He continues to swear up and down that because I’m a paying client, even though Natalie is technically the one paying him, he can’t tell her anything unless I sign a release paper. Still, I feel like he’s sitting there judging me from a friend’s perspective.”

Dean turned to his brother. “Natalie sent you to him because he’s good, right? He’s probably heard a lot of crazy. And you mostly talk about the Becky thing, right?”

“Mostly, but he has probed into my childhood and stuff. Obviously I have to lie about that stuff. He likes to ask questions about me and Natalie too, which, again, awkward because he knows her. Of course, it’s not exactly like I have much to complain about. I’m really lucky to have her, especially in times like this.”

“You’ve got all of us, little brother,” Dean assured him. “Who was on the phone, anyway.”

“Mrs. Tran. Very talkative woman.”

“What's going on in Tran land?”

“Well, uh, Garth finally got them to his houseboat, but Kevin's having a lot of trouble reading their half of the tablet. So far, bits and pieces. Nothing about boarding up hell.”

Dean blinked. “Garth has a safe houseboat?”

Sam shrugged. “Dude, I don't even ask questions anymore.”

Dean turned to Castiel. “What's the word, Cas?”

“It's a shortened version of my name.”

Dean sighed. “Yes, it is. I meant what's the word on the Word? Any, uh, tablet chatter on angel radio?”

“Oh, I couldn't say. I turned that off.”

“You can do that?” Sam looked surprised.

“Yeah, it's a simple matter of blocking out certain subsonic frequencies. I could draw you a diagram if you want.”

Dean shook his head. “No, that's, uh, we're good. Why'd you flip the switch?”

“Because it's a direct link to heaven, and I don't want anything to do with that place, not anymore.”

“So what now? Move to Vermont, open up a charming B&B?”

“No. I still want, I still need to help people. So, I'm gonna become a hunter.”

“Really?” Sam looked surprised.

“Yeah. I could be your fourth wheel. I even found a case. Oklahoma City, a man's heart jumped ten feet out of his chest. It sounds like our kind of thing, right?”

Sam looked to his companions. “He's got a point.”

“Excellent. I'll see you there,” Castiel stood up.

Dean held up a hand. “Wait, Cas! If you want to play cowboys and bloodsuckers, that's fine. But you're gonna stick with us, okay? None of this zapping around crap. Capiche?”

Castiel frowned. “Yeah, I capiche. Can I, uh, at least ride in the front seat?”

“No,” Dean and Sam said simultaneously. “You’ll be in the back with Liam,” Dean instructed. “Give us a minute to gather our shit.”

Sam let Natalie know they were leaving and he said goodbye to the boys before they gathered their things and piled in the car. Liam propped his feet up in Castiel’s lap. “What are you doing?” the angel asked.

“This is my backseat, damn it!” Liam answered.

“Children, share the backseat,” Dean called back.

“But Daddy!” Liam protested.

Dean chuckled. “I’d threaten to spank you if you don’t behave, but for you that would be incentive.”

They managed to get through the car ride and went to the coroner’s office where they met a detective. She stood with them over the body covered with a sheet. “Coroner said his heart was ejected from his body. Got some air, too. Found it in a sandbox.”

“Any idea what happened, Detective?” Sam asked.

“A lot of people are thinking drugs, Agent, an assload of drugs.”

Castiel leaned in to whisper in Dean’s ear. “There are no narcotics in that man's system. His molecules are all wrong.”

Sam kept his attention on the detective. “But you don't think that, huh?”

The detective lifted up the sheet to show a cookie cutter heart shaped hole in the man’s chest. “Never seen an eightball do that.”

“Wow. And who called this in?”

“Friend of his named Olivia Kopple. She saw the whole thing.” Her phone started ringing. “Ah, crap. I have to take this. Here's everything we got. Knock yourself out,” she handed Sam the file.

Dean handed her a card. “Listen, you see anything weird, anything out of the box, you give us a call.”

“Whatever you say, Scully,” she gave him a little smile as she stepped away to take the call.

Sam started going through the file while Castiel studied the corpse. “I can't sense any EMF or sulfur. Mr. Freleng's arterial health is, uh, excellent.” He leaned over and started sniffing the corpse. “He did recently suffer from a, mild, uh... What is that, bladder infection?”

Dean pulled him back. “Cas, stop smelling the dead guy.”

“Why? Now I know everything about this man.”

“Do you know he was having an affair?” Sam looked up from the file.

“What?” Castiel tilted his head.

“Strike one, Sherlock,” Dean patted his shoulder.

Sam referred back to the file. “According to Olivia, they would meet at the park every Thursday at 12:45, walk to the Moonlight diner, where she always ordered a Caesar salad, dressing on the side. They would chat about everything, and she'd be back on the road by 1:30.”

Castiel looked at him. “You don't think she's telling the truth.”

Dean shook his head. “Too much detail. Sounds rehearsed.”

“Plus, we drove past the Moonlight diner on the way into town. It's attached to the Moonlight motel,” Sam pointed out.

Dean crossed his arms. “Okay, well, let's say that, uh, Gary here's on the prowl, but he's playing it safe because...” he lifted the dead man’s left hand to reveal a wedding ring. “...dude's married. Doesn't want anyone to see his ride parked out in front of a by the hour fleabag.”

Sam nodded. “So he stashes his car at the park across the street, meets Olivia there. His wife probably found out about it, and it broke her heart. So she breaks his. Sounds witchy.”

“Yes, it does,” Dean agreed. “Guy was living a lie, and it came back to bite him in the ticker. But nice job on the bladder infection.”

They went to interview the wife next. She sat at a kitchen table dressed in black. “Gary had a heart attack. Why would the FBI…?”

“The parks are government property. We just got a few questions for you,” Dean said.

Castiel leaned in to speak to Dean. “I'll, uh, handle this. I've done research. I can crack her.” He leaned over by Mrs. Freleng. “Now, Ms. Freleng, I don't want to bother you. I really don't. But I do have just one question for you.” He slammed his hands on the table. “Why did you kill your husband?”

“Agent Stills. A word, please,” Dean glared at the angel.

Liam sat at the table across from her. “Please, forgive my partner. This is his first case. What he was trying to ask is, is there any way Gary might have had secrets, something he was hiding?”

“Hiding? Like what?” There was a knock at the door and a woman came in carrying a casserole. “Olivia,” Mrs. Freleng stood to greet her.

“Are you okay?” Olivia asked.

“As in mistress Olivia?” Dean whispered to his companions.

“This is awkward,” Castiel commented.

Mrs. Freleng turned back to them. “I'm sorry. What did you think Gary was hiding?”

“That he was sleeping with her,” Castiel blurted out.

“I know,” Mrs. Freling admitted.

“You know?” Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Gary and I, we had an arrangement. He was seeing Olivia, and I was spending some time with our neighbor P.J.”

They thanked her and left. “Frigging suburbs, man,” Dean shook his head as they headed to the car.

“So she's not a witch,” Castiel talked to himself. “Then what killed her husband?”

Detective Glass called them to a building roof top. Sam looked over the edge to where the body fell. “Looks like suicide.”

“It was. Guy left a note. He invested everything in Roman Industries and lost it all when they crashed and burned last year.”

“So why call us?” Dean asked.

“Because I have two witnesses who swear that Madoff here floated in mid air for a good ten seconds, then he looked down, and splat. Not sure I buy that, but the way they're talking, it sounds like something straight out of a-”

“Cartoon,” Dean finished the sentence.

“You said you wanted weird,” she said as she walked away.

Dean turned to his companions. “She's right, you know. I mean, the whole heart jumping out of the guy's chest, the delayed fall, that's straight up Bugs Bunny.”

Castiel nodded. “So, we're looking for some sort of insect rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?”

Sam shook his head. “No, we don't, Cas. That's a character, like, uh, Woody Woodpecker or Daffy Duck.”

“They're little animated movies,” Dean added. “You know, uh, the coyote chases a roadrunner, and then the anvil gets dropped on his head.”

“Is it supposed to be funny?” Castiel looked confused.

“No. It's hilarious,” Dean said.

They went back to the motel room and Castiel sat and watched cartoons while the rest of them did research. “I understand. The bird represents God. And coyote is man, endlessly chasing the divine, yet never able to catch him. It's hilarious,” Castiel smiled.

Dean sighed. “I got no idea what we're hunting. Maybe it's a Tulpa. Maybe it's some crazy god who watched too much ‘Robot Chicken.’ I mean, is there a link between ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ and ‘Free Fallin’?”

“Not that I can find,” Sam said from behind the laptop screen.

Dean closed the journal he was reading. “Alright, well, I'm gonna call it. Cas, you gonna book a room or what?”

“No, I'll stay here.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll have a slumber party, braid Liam’s hair. Where are you gonna sleep?” Dean motioned to the one bed.

“I don't sleep.”

“Okay, well, I need my six hours, so...”

“I'll watch over you.”

“That's not gonna happen.”

“Cas, Dean and Liam need their privacy,” Sam pointed out. “We work in here, but sleep separately so they can have couple time.”

“Oh, in case they’d like to have to have intercourse,” Castiel nodded.

“As one example, yes,” Sam nodded.

“Then I’ll say with you.” He stood and put a hand to his temple. “Something's coming across the police band.”

“Wait, you can hear that?” Sam asked.

“It's all waves. A bank has been robbed. It sounds loony.”

“Define loony?” Dean looked at him.

They went to the bank and found a one ton anvil in the middle of the room with a bloody mess under it. “That's loony, all right,” Sam commented.

Detective Glass came in. “Agents. I was just about to give you a ring. Got to ask, do you boys chase the crazy, or does the crazy chase you?”

Sam gave a little shrug. “Depends on the day.”

“Who's the pancake?” Dean asked.

“Security guard. He called in reporting a robbery, but by the time we got here...”

“A robbery?” Sam looked at her.

“Looks like the ‘Black Hole’ was trying to jimmy open a safe deposit box when Mr. Rent A Cop found him. And, well, you know how that story ends.”

“Black hole?” Castiel seemed intrigued.

“It's our name for a burglar that's been running us ragged. He's a pro, no fingerprints, never any sign of forced entry, just a pair of those every time...” she pointed to a large black circle painted on the wall. “...like he's signing his work. Perp's never done anything like this before, though, obviously.”

“You mind if I take a look at your files on those other break ins?” Sam asked.

“No skin off my nose. I'm headed to the station now if you want a ride.”

“Perfect.” Sam left with the detective.

Dean looked to Castiel. “Hey. Can you lift this?” he motioned to the anvil.

Castiel moved it and a giant X was under it. “X marks the spot. Well, whoever's doing this is playing by cartoon rules,” Dean sighed.

“Animation doesn't have rules,” Castiel looked a little confused.

“Sure it does. In Toontown, a pretty girl can make your heart leap out of your chest, anvils fall from the sky, and if you draw a door or a black hole on the wall, you can stroll right through it.”

They walked over to the black circle on the wall. “So this is how the thief got in,” Liam examined it.

Dean nodded. “And out. And cracked the vault.”

Liam touched it and it was solid. “Then why isn't it working now?”

“I got no clue.”

They went back to the motel for more research. Dean got on the laptop, Liam went back to Jason’s journal, and Castiel took John’s journal. “Your father... Beautiful handwriting.”

“How you feeling, Cas?” Dean asked.

“I’m fine.”

“Well, I just know that when I got puked out of Purgatory, it took me a few weeks to find my sea legs.”

“I’m fine,” Castiel insisted again.

“Don't get me wrong. I'm happy you're back. I'm freaking thrilled. It's just this whole mysterious resurrection thing, it always has one mother of a downside.”

Castiel closed the journal. “So, what do you want me to do?”

“Maybe take a trip upstairs.”

“To heaven?”

“Yeah, poke around, see if the God squad can't tell us how you got out.”

“No.”

“Look, man, I hate those flying ass monkeys just as much as you do, but-”

“Dean! I said no!”

Dean sighed and closed the laptop, moving over to sit beside the angel. “Talk to me.”

“Dean, I... When I was bad and I had all those things, the leviathans writhing inside me, I caused a lot of suffering on earth, but I devastated heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I can't go back.”

“Because if you do, the angels will kill you.”

“Because if I see what heaven's become, what I made of it... I'm afraid I might kill myself.”

Sam came in then. “Hey. Got something.”

Castiel stood up. “Excellent. What?”

“So this black hole guy, before he tried the bank, he robbed a house across from the park where Gary blew a gasket.”

“So, uh, what, you think the house heist and Gary's corpse are connected?” Dean asked.

Sam nodded. “According to the file, they happened at pretty much the exact same time. Here. Check this out. Okay.” He spread out a map where X’s were marked in clusters. “Here's the house, and Gary died across the street here. And that building from this morning, right there. The black hole hit that, too.”

Dean leaned over to look at the map. “Let me guess, where, uh, what's his name took a swan dive. Alright. I'll bite. What about the others?”

“Well, those are the places that stuff got stolen. But nobody got dead. Take away the graffiti, and these all look like just normal smash and grabs. But I made a few phone calls, talked to some people who are nearby, neighbors and whatnot, and they reported a whole lot of crazy.”

“Like?”

“Like a jogger bumping his head and sprouting a four inch lump. Or a kid walking into a wall and hearing birdies. Basically, for fifty yards around each robbery, people were living in a cartoon. But it didn't last long, I mean five, ten minutes at each place.”

“An area of effect spell,” Liam mumbled.

Dean sighed. “So, this Animaniac can step through walls, can toss an anvil?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, but he's warping reality to do it. So if someone happens to be nearby meeting the girl of his dreams...”

“His heart makes a break for it. Okay, so smashing the, uh, the rent a cop, that was on purpose, but the rest of them, what, is that just collateral weird?”

Sam shrugged. “Maybe. And the deposit box he was after. Now, the house, the office, every place he's hit belonged to someone living at the Sunset Fields retirement home.”

Dean looked to his brother. “So you think our guy's there.”

“Worth a shot.”

“Alright. Well, let's gear up. It's wabbit season.”

They went to the retirement home and a man came walking up to them. “Hello, can I help you?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded and they held up their badges. “FBI.”

“Sorry, I'm Dr. Dwight Mahoney. I run Sunset Fields.”

“We need to question your residents,” Castiel said.

“Well, why? About what?”

“Grand larceny, mostly,” Sam answered.

“Of course. Um, by all means, ask away. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.”

“Appreciate it,” Sam gave him a little nod and smile.

They split up, Dean and Castiel, and Liam went with Sam to snoop around. Dean came up to them a little while later. “Hey, what do you got?”

“Hey, um, nothing. Uh, no hex bags, no EMF. You?”

“Nada. Half the folks I talked to don't even remember being robbed.”

Sam looked at some photos of residents on the wall. “Dean, um... You remember a guy named Fred Jones? I think he was a contact of Dad's, lived outside of Salt Lake.”

“Yeah, that guy gave me my first beer. I don't even think I was double digits.”

“Right, yeah. Me, too. Um, he was psychic, right?”

“Psychokinetic. Why?”

“Because he's in room 114,” Sam pointed to Fred’s picture on the wall.

Dean turned to go down the hall. “Cas. Let's go,” he motioned to the angel who was talking to a cat.

Castiel looked up. “I've almost cracked him.”

“Now,” Dean demanded as they headed to the room.

They found Fred sitting in a wheelchair watching cartoons. Sam knocked on the door, but he didn’t respond. Sam moved to kneel in front of him. “Mr. Jones? Hey, it's, uh, Sam Winchester.”

“Fred?” Dean looked at him. Then he turned off the TV. “Fred! Hey!” he clapped his hands twice.

Fred kept staring blankly at the television. “So, you really think this one man is causing all of these shenanigans?” Castiel asked.

“Well, if he is, he'd be surrounded by a circle of crazy, right? Hang on.” Dean picked up a book and smacked himself in the head with it. There was a loud clanging sound, then the sound of birds chirping. “Bingo.”

“But how?” Castiel asked.

“Fred's got juice. I mean, an average psychokinetic can move things with his mind, but a guy like Fred, you get him worked up, he can reshape reality,” Sam explained.

Dean sighed. “Alright, so where's his off switch?”

Sam shrugged. “I don't know. I'm not even certain if he knows we're here.”

“Do we kill him?” Castiel asked.

Dr. Mahoney came into the room. “Excuse me, Agents. Did he just threaten to murder one of my patients?”

Liam turned to him. “Um, no?”

“I think you four had better leave.”

They left, walking quickly down the hall. “Real freaking smooth,” Dean grumbled.

“Well, we don't have to leave him. I could teleport him,” Castiel offered.

Sam shook his head. “Fred's radioactive, Cas. You zap him, no telling what will happen.”

“Me and Sam will circle back tonight, get Fred nice and clean. You go Invisible Girl and keep an eye on him. You hear me?” Dean instructed.

Castiel nodded and disappeared.

A little while later Castiel called them about an exploding birthday cake. He was standing by what was left of the cake when Dean and Liam arrived. “Oh. You got my message. Good.”

“What the hell happened?” Dean asked.

“There was a pastry mishap.”

“Okay, and?”

“And the frosting reached near supersonic speeds. I thought...”

Sam joined them. “Fred's gone.”

Dean sighed. “Oh, fan-freaking-tastic. Way to take your eye off the ball.”

A caregiver was wheeling Mrs. Tate back to her room when she spotted them. “You're not supposed to be here.”

“Well, trust me, sweetheart, you got bigger fish,” Dean grumbled.

Mrs. Tate took off her breathing mask and looked to Castiel. “Charles, she's wearing my diamonds.”

Castiel grabbed the caregiver’s arm with the diamond bracelet on her wrist. “This is Mrs. Tate's bracelet. Where did you get it?”

She looked confused. “My boyfriend gave it to me.”

They asked her a few more questions and were led to an orderly’s house. Dean picked up some old papers. “Hey. Bearer bonds. Maybe these belonged to Sheila Tate.”

Castiel looked around. “So, this man is our thief.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Hey,” he motioned to someone lying on the floor behind an overturned table. He pulled out his gun and they moved to see who it was. It was the orderly who had been shot in the stomach.

“Cas,” Dean motioned to the angel.

Castiel knelt beside the man. “Stay still. Move your hands.” He touched the wound and with a bright light healed it.

The man blinked. “How did you...”

“Guy eats his Wheaties. Sam, come on,” Dean motioned to his brother. “Get up,” he and Sam lifted the guy up onto a chair. “Come on. Sit down.”

“Wait a second! What did you just do to me?”

Dean snapped his fingers. “Listen to me. Where is Fred Jones?”

“He took him.”

“Who?”

“Dr. Mahoney. That guy's evil, man, okay? He's using Mr. Jones.”

“How?” Sam asked.

“Look, all Fred does is watch cartoons, but he is magic, okay? A few weeks ago, I slammed my foot in his door. I smashed it flat, and I mean flat. And then when I shook the thing, it popped back up, like something out of a cartoon or whatever.”

“Yeah, we know,” Dean nodded.

“So I told Dr. Mahoney, and then he started doing experiments. Just, we just wanted to see what he could do.”

“What about the robberies?” Sam asked.

“Oh, Mahoney's been skimming off Sunset Fields for years. A lot of those folks, they got stuff stashed away, like, off the books, like. So Mahoney would track down the loot, and then we would take Fred for a drive.”

Dean nodded. “Right, and use his bubble of weird to rip people off. How did you end up gut shot?”

“Mahoney, after he anviled that guard, he started freaking out, and then you showed up, and then the cake blew in the day room, and then he lost it.”

“What does that mean, he lost it?” Sam asked.

“I mean he's on his way back to the bank right now for one last score. Doc's blowing town. I mean, he said that Fred was a loose end. He was gonna kill him. And then, I like Fred, so I said that if he hurt the guy, I'd go to the cops. And I didn't know that he had a gun.”

They walked back out to the car to go catch the guy. “Do you think Mr. Jones knows what's happening?” Castiel asked.

Dean shook his head. “I don't know. Seems to me like the dude's living in a dream world.”

Dean parked in an alley behind the bank and got out. “Alright. Jones has got to be close. Liam and I will hit the bank. You see if you can find him.” They found a black circle on the wall. Dean held Liam back with he reached his fingers out. His fingers penetrated the wall and he pulled them back. Then he put his arm in up to his elbow. “Awesome.”

They went into the bank and found Dr. Mahoney in the safe emptying safe deposit boxes into a bag. Dean pointed his gun at him. “What's up, Doc?”

Dr. Mahoney looked up. “You let me walk, and half of this is yours.”

Dean examined everything on the table. “I think I'm gonna pass. I'm not really into stealing from sweet old ladies.”

“I'm not stealing from them. I'm stealing from their children. Little bastards think they can drop their folks off at a home and visit twice a year, maybe. I took care of all these old geezers. I think I deserve-”

“I don't care!” Dean shouted.

“Fine. Have it your way.”

Dr. Mahoney flung papers at them and grabbed the bag and ran. Dean fired, but a little red flag that read ‘BANG’ popped out of the end. Dr. Mahoney paused to turn around. “Welcome to the fun house.”

They chased Dr. Mahoney, Liam doing a flying tackle to bring him to the ground. Dr. Mahoney pulled out a large frying pan from his jacket and hit Liam with it. “Give up! I've been dealing with this crazy for months! And you, idiot, bring a gun to a gag fight.”

“Yeah, well, I did bring this,” Dean held up a can of spray paint. “And X marks the spot.”

Dr. Mahoney looked down to see that he was standing on a big X. The sound of something falling could be heard and he moved out of the way before an anvil hit. Dr. Mahoney got up off the floor and grabbed the bag to run for a large black circle, but he hit a solid wall. “Looks like somebody turned off the boob tube,” Dean commented.

Dr. Mahoney pulled a gun. “Good. Means I can use this.”

“No!” they heard someone shout. Fred was standing with Sam and Castiel. “You are never going to hurt anyone again!”

Dr. Mahoney seemed to fight with his own arm as the gun was pointed toward himself and he fired.

“Fred. You good?” Sam asked.

“Now I'm good. In a month, year... Nobody gets sharper with age. I'm gonna lose control again, and somebody's gonna get hurt... again. You got to make it stop.”

“There might be a way,” Castiel offered. “The procedure will be painful, and, when it's over, I'm not sure how much of you will be left.”

Fred let out a deep sigh. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

They took him back to the retirement home. They stood by him while he sat in his wheelchair. “Is he, uh, okay?” Sam asked.

Castiel nodded. “He's listening to ‘Ode to Joy’. He's happy.”

Dean gave a small smile. “Alright, well, let's blow this termite terrace. Cas, you get to ride shotgun. You done good.”

“Thanks, but I, uh, I can't come. I, uh...”

Sam looked at him. “You what, Cas? Why can't you come with us?”

“I, um, I want to stay with Mr. Jones. Someone should watch over him for a few days just to be safe.”

“Okay, and then what?” Dean asked.

“Then I'm not sure. But I know I can't run anymore.”

“And you just did that disappearing thing again,” Liam pointed out. “Come on, I know I can’t be that crazy.”

“You are that crazy,” Castiel assured him.

Dean shot his brother a look before putting a hand on Liam’s shoulder. “Crazy or not, it’s time to go home. Come on.”

Liam sighed but followed Sam and Dean back out to the car. “At least I get the backseat to myself again,” the blond said as he stretched out.
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Hunting Humanity VII