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Gravity \| Book II: Brave New World	By : Prophecy Category: 1 through F > The 100 Views: 1370 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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- 7
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This is going to bring me clarity
This'll take the heart right out of me
She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed
This is going to bring me to my knees
I just want to hold you close to me
- The Fray, “She Is”

Lexa’s face was ashen, working her clenched jaw more tightly than ever as she shuffled down the hallway alongside Clarke, reluctantly leaning on her for support.

In the moment, she hated herself for needing Clarke’s help, but her legs were wildly unsteady and painful. They were weak and shaky, almost in the way that strange bubbly drink had made them feel the night before but more intensely; yet somehow her muscles felt overtightened at the same time.

Clarke, who hadn’t said a word since injecting herself, seemed to be reading her thoughts.

“It’s called hypertonia. It’s.. neurological. Makes your muscles spastic and rigid, and can be pretty painful. It’ll be from the seizures.” Her voice was surprisingly soft.

“I am fine,” Lexa gritted out between her teeth, determined to stay upset. Clarke, for her part, let Lexa lie to her and silently continued helping her down the hallway.

Abby was standing quietly in the infirmary when they arrived, her lips pursed and a stern glare in her eyes. Clarke remembered that look. It was the one she’d gotten when Abby returned home from work to find that a young Clarke had marinated herself with an entire bottle of Jake’s homemade cologne; a bottle that had cost a week’s worth of credits. It was the look she’d gotten when Abby walked in on Clarke and Wells making out in their kitchen beside a bottle of moonshine when they were meant to be at school. It was the look she’d gotten when she’d challenged Abby’s authority at the gate to Arkadia and sent Emerson out it with far too little air for his trip.

Clarke hesitated for a moment in the doorway and briefly entertained the fantasy that the look was for Lexa’s stunt with the IV; however that fantasy was quickly shattered when she saw Octavia, Raven, and Luna sitting along the wall in a close rendition of the ‘three wise monkeys’, their faces painted with guilt.

Oh, yeah. They were all in for it.

Abby helped Clarke get Lexa back into the hospital bed and then silently pointed to the other bed before setting about hooking Lexa’s IV up again. Clarke felt like a misbehaved puppy—her head lowered, tail tucked between her legs, her chest heavy with shame as she quietly sat down on the other bed.

The room was silent for far too long; well past the point of serious discomfort—as Abby hooked Lexa back up to the rest of the monitors, and then began doing the same to Clarke. Her tightly pressed lips never once parted, and the moderately sized room felt like a tiny, claustrophobic box; as though the amount of trouble they were all in at this point was simply too much to be concentrated in one space.

Clarke watched quietly as Abby drew blood that was still infuriatingly red into several tubes and set them in the aliquot rack. When she’d taken a few samples, she freed Clarke’s arm from the tourniquet and carried the rack to the centrifuge and began loading the tubes into it.

Raven was the first to crack under the pressure of the silent treatment. “Abby, I’m sorry.”

Abby’s voice was surprisingly casual as she set the empty aliquot rack aside. “For what, Raven? For subjecting Luna to a potentially dangerous and definitely painful marrow aspiration done by someone untrained in the procedure? For putting someone who was traumatized this morning to the point of needing sedation through something else traumatic? Or maybe you’re sorry for doing it all behind my back?”

Raven shrank against the wall, suddenly feeling like the smallest person on the planet, lowering her eyes as Luna took her hand comfortingly.

Abby turned to Luna, her tone still eerily casual. “Luna, you consented to a procedure you knew would be dangerous, that you knew was being done behind my back, and in direct opposition to your Commander’s orders.” Closing the door to the centrifuge, she turned her gaze on Octavia. “I sent you to get my files well before you came back with them. You deliberately waited until the procedure was over to say anything, because you knew neither Lexa nor I would have allowed it.”

She had? That was news to Clarke, and she felt her anger towards Octavia melting away quickly. She’d helped them protect Lexa in a way that didn’t immediately ensure her dismissal as Lexa’s advisor. Fairly brilliant, really, and Clarke felt the smallest of smiles cross her lips as she nodded slightly to Octavia, who subtly nodded back at her.

“You all should have known better,” Abby said, setting the numbers on the centrifuge and turning back to the girls, her arms crossed disapprovingly.

“Abby is right. You all sho—” Lexa began, but Abby turned the Mom Look on her, and Clarke almost felt bad, as the mere look of disappointment from Abby washed away the anger on her face and replaced it entirely with shame.

“You should know better, too, Lexa. You and I have discussed your symptoms at length, and I thought you understood the fragile state your body is in right now.”

“I do! But I—” Lexa protested, but quickly went quiet when Abby held her hand up.

“You don’t. If you understood the severity of your situation, you wouldn’t have ripped out your IV and stormed across the compound to the lab. You wouldn’t dismiss the concerns of the people around you who love you, and you definitely wouldn’t have ordered Luna not to participate in your place. You used her devotion to you against her, and that was both manipulative and just plain stupid.”

Lexa’s face turned to a mask of even deeper shame as her head lowered, and Clarke would have felt bad for the way she knew Lexa must be feeling, but she was more worried that Abby had saved her for last—although she hadn’t really expected any different.

Abby slowly turned back towards Clarke and they regarded each other for a few very long, silent moments. The quiet was practically overwhelming by the time Abby finally spoke, shaking her head a little.

“I don’t even know what to say to you, Clarke. I’ve never been more disappointed in you than I am right now. I know you had good intentions, but the way you went about it was..” Abby trailed off, at a brief loss for words, and opted not to finish the statement.

“Clarke, you did a procedure you’re not trained in, on a young woman who couldn’t possibly understand the extent of the dangers involved in it. You violated the trust of every person in this room. You forced a test on Lexa that she was very clear about not wanting—” Abby held her hand up once more as Clarke opened her mouth to respond.

“Whether or not Lexa’s choice regarding the CT was ill-advised or not—and I think it was extraordinarily ill-advised—it was still Lexa’s choice to make. You took her choice away. You also used Luna’s devotion to manipulate her into helping you. You dragged Raven into it, and however inadvertently, you dragged Octavia into it as well.”

Abby’s lips tightened into a thin line as Clarke fought back the urge to cry as if she were a little girl soaked in expensive cologne once more. “Not to mention, you’ve injected yourself with a substance we barely even understand, in a non-sterile environment, and without a single person with medical training present. I’ve been disappointed in you before, Clarke, but never to this degree. Never to the point of feeling ashamed of you.”

That did it.

Clarke felt the hot tears stinging her eyes as she turned her face away, willing them to stay where they were; where no one could see them. They began running down her cheeks anyway, but from what she could see, she wasn’t the only one in the room choking back tears at this point, anyway.

Abby, glancing around the room at the young women she couldn’t help but feel responsible for, relaxed her shoulders and tone just a little, figuring she’d done what she had hoped to.

“Raven, Octavia. Please get one of the stretchers from the other room and bring it in here. Luna needs rest, fluids, and painkillers, and I’d rather have all of my patients in here where I can keep an eye on them.”

Octavia and Raven slowly climbed to their feet, and Raven felt another thick pang of guilt as she realized how pale Luna looked, her face fighting off a pained grimace. They returned quickly with the third stretcher and helped a shaky Luna onto it.

Abby brought a chair to the side of Luna’s bed and quietly explained what she was doing as she hooked her up to an IV of D10 and gave her medication for pain and nausea. Once she was finished, she retrieved Clarke’s samples while Raven curled up in the chair, holding Luna’s hand in both of hers.

Abby motioned for Octavia to follow her out of the room. “They can all use some rest, and Echo and I could use a hand in the lab today, if you’re up to it.”

Octavia, eager to contribute as something other than hall monitor, nodded. “I’m up to it.”

“Good. Follow me.”

Several hours of silence, sleep, and enough blood draws to leave her woozy later, Clarke awoke in the dimmed lab. Luna and Raven were gone, but Lexa was still there, curled onto her side facing the wall and away from her.

Abby came in just as Clarke was pushing herself up to sit, and she kept her voice quiet. “Good. You’re awake.”

Clarke nodded a little and glanced at Lexa’s sleeping form. “How is she?”

“No more seizures since this morning. Her vitals are still elevated, but it’s to be expected.”

“You did another EEG?”

Abby inclined her head. “Normal brain activity.”

Clarke rubbed her face tiredly. “How is that even possible? How..”

“I don’t know, honey.” Abby’s voice was gentle, soothing even, and she reached out to tuck Clarke’s hair behind her ear like she was a little girl again.

Clarke closed her eyes briefly, her voice strained. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

“I know.”

Her voice wavered as she unconsciously leaned into the comforting embrace Abby offered. “I can’t lose her. Just thinking about it makes it feel like I can’t breathe. I..”

Abby swallowed hard, rubbing her daughter’s back, her voice turning slightly hoarse with emotion. “I feel the same way about you, Clarke.”

Clarke glanced at her, and Abby silently raised the glass tube she’d brought in with her. It was labeled with her name and full of thick, dark liquid. Clarke’s gaze quickly shot up to meet Abby’s.

Lexa, who hadn’t been asleep for quite some time, was the one to finally break the silence, her quiet tone one of resignation and fear as her mind filled rapidly with the implications.

“It worked.”

Clarke took a deep, shaky breath as she settled back in the radiation chamber, closing her eyes briefly to steady herself.

Lexa held her hand in both of her clammy ones, fear etched deeply across her face. Behind her, Octavia rubbed her back comfortingly despite the fear on her own face. The others stood in a semi-circle around the chamber, all of them weary with worry. Even Murphy’s eyes were full of gentle concern, his jaw tight as he addressed her.

“You know, you don’t have to do this, Clarke. Nobody does. We can figure out something else.”

He touched her shoulder affectionately, and Clarke rested her free hand over his, patting it reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Murphy. You’re not the only cockroach around here, you know.”

He smiled a little and squeezed her shoulder. “Good point.”

Abby pressed a short stick that had a few leaves still dangling helplessly from it into her hand. “In case you can’t speak. If you feel any pain, burning, anything at all, you drop this, and we get you out of there.”

Raven patted her foot playfully, but her tone was serious despite the teasing smile on her face. “Don’t be a hero, Griff. The point of this is testing rad resistance, not showing off for your girlfriend.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I think we’re a little beyond trying to impress each other at this point.” She glanced at Lexa for confirmation, almost wishing she hadn’t when she saw the tears threatening to escape the bright, mossy orbs that gazed back at her.

Lexa’s voice was soft, practically a whisper when she answered. “You impress me every day, Klark.”

Clarke drew Lexa’s hand to her, kissing her knuckles softly and giving her what she hoped was a reassuring look. “You impress me too, Heda.”

Abby straightened up a little. “Okay. Everyone, disperse. Let’s give them a minute. Raven, Echo, you’re with me. John, you and the others can watch on the monitors next door. I don’t want to risk anyone being exposed any more than they have to be.” She emphasized the last part with a meaningful look at Clarke, who merely held up her stick and waved the lingering leaves like a flag of surrender as the others filed out of the room with nervous glances back at her.

Clarke closed her eyes briefly before looking back up at Lexa.

Lexa squeezed her hand gently. “There is no way I can talk you out of doing this, is there?”

“Could I have talked you out of it?”

Lexa stroked her hair gently, looking defeated and tired. “Sometimes I wish you were not quite so brave as you are.”

Clarke smiled, stroking her thumb over her knuckle. “Sometimes I wish the same thing about you.”

Lexa leaned over and kissed her forehead softly. “Listen to Raven. This is not a test of willpower or strength. Bravery will skew the data.”

Clarke smirked lightly. “‘Skew the data’? Raven told you to say that, didn’t she?”

“I do not even know what ‘skew the data’ means,” Lexa admitted, and was rewarded with a smile.

Softly, Clarke tugged Lexa down again and they kissed softly, her fingers lacing through thick brown tresses. They kissed slowly, lips lingering on each others’, and Clarke felt the dampness on Lexa’s cheek before she gently broke away. She lifted her hand, affectionately wiping the tears from her face, her voice reassuring.

“No tears, Heda. I’ll be just fine—as fine as Becca said you would be, right?” Clarke was banking on that being more comforting to Lexa than she herself found it. “So let’s just get this over with, and then you can take me back to our room and we can discuss that make up sex we owe each other..”

Lexa chuckled a little, but the tears were flowing freely and she made no move to let go of Clarke’s hand, and Clarke couldn’t bring herself to pull away, either.

Abby came back in then, gently patting Lexa’s shoulders. “We’re ready when you are.”

Clarke looked up at her mother, and despite the hard set to her jaw, her eyes were full of fear and vulnerability, and Abby felt her stomach clench at the knowledge of what she was about to do to her only child. What Jake would say, if he were here to see this.

But Abby knew what would happen to the world, to humanity, if she didn’t swallow her emotions and do what had to be done—even if it meant sacrificing someone she loved. Again.

The difference then, was that she hadn’t had to be the one pulling the lever on the airlock with Jake in it. This time, it would be at her own hand, and all she could do was hope that the Nightblood would protect Clarke the way it was meant to.

Lexa had refused to leave the room, letting off a string of some very choice Trigedasleng words that Abby didn’t recognize, but could certainly guess the meanings of, until Abby acquiesced and allowed her to stay. And so, Lexa stood against the wall, her gaze locked on Clarke’s, clearly unconcerned about the potential for second-hand exposure, or even, if the glass chamber failed, primary exposure to the radiation.

Clarke suspected that, had there been enough room, Lexa would have climbed into the tank with her. She’d wanted badly to argue Lexa out of the room as her conscience demanded, but the truth was, Clarke was afraid; she wanted Lexa close and probably would have let her climb in beside her at this point. Talking about doing this was, as it turned out, a whole different ballgame from actually laying in the claustrophobic little box.

By no means did Clarke question her own decision, and she would let it all play out the same way if she was given a chance to change it. However hard this was turning out to be, it couldn’t be harder than having to watch Lexa climb inside the glass coffin would have been.

Abby’s voice echoed inside the chamber as she spoke from the microphone on the control panel. “Okay, Clarke. I’m going to start it up. Are you ready?” Clarke nodded silently, her eyes finding Lexa’s and locking on. “Here we go.”

Lexa cringed expectantly, as did Clarke, but nothing happened beyond the quiet hum the chamber began emitting. Their gazes met again above small smiles of relief. Clarke even gave Lexa a thumbs up from within, the little branch still in hand.

Slowly, the intensity of the hum grew, until Lexa could feel the vibrations of it deep within her chest. She watched Clarke twirling the branch idly between her fingers, then paused suddenly. They watched together as the few remaining leaves began shriveling, turning to ash as they detached from the branch and fluttered to the bottom of the chamber.

Clarke wanted to look to Lexa, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the rapidly-dying branch in her hand. Her hand which had begun shaking just slightly, so she tightened her grip on the nearly fossilized stick so she wouldn’t drop it unintentionally.

Her face grew hot, and the heat rapidly soared from her head to her toes, and she looked down at her arm with growing concern, but it still looked relatively normal, if slightly reddened.

And then it hit her.

Searing pain that started deep within her skull and zipped through her body like a lightning strike, her nerve endings firing off, muscles knotting so hard it felt like they were being ripped apart. She felt like she was on fire, and watched with a dissociative sort of horror as the skin on her arm began blistering and bubbling before her eyes. The feeling quickly spread across her, excruciating in a way she couldn’t have imagined. She heard screaming, knew it was coming from her own scorched lips, but it sounded far away and dreamlike. She was vaguely aware of Lexa smashing her fists against the chamber, trying to break it open as she, too, screamed.

It seemed like hours until the latch was released and the cold air slipped across her overheated skin, though it was only seconds.

Lexa’s hands were wringing from her inability to touch Clarke, to soothe and heal, and she let Octavia guide her into her arms as she sobbed, a look of horror frozen on her face as Abby and Echo quickly began tending to the severe blistering covering Clarke’s entire body, with Clarke screaming mindlessly all the while.

It was a blessing when Clarke finally passed out, her bone-chilling screams silenced abruptly as she sank limply onto the table, the ash from the branch settling into the lines of her palm, her hand still instinctively clenched in a fist.
- 7
- 8
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Gravity | Book II: Brave New World