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Cupid's Little Helper	By : Scribe Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 3620 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Cupid's Little Helper, Chapter Nine

Cupid's Little Helper
Chapter Nine
Declaration

Etruscan dancer reference courtesy of 'A Funny Thing Happened to Me On The Way To The Forum'.
I stood up an' stretched. "Okay, enough of tha angst
shit. Yer Mom wants ta have a talk with ya, an' I'm
sure yer plannin some sorta expidition for latah, so
why don'tcha go have a blab with her now? I'll stay
with Bliss." I grinned. "If ya hurry, ya might catch
her in bed with Heph. He turnes tha nicest shade of
purple when he's ticked."

"All right. When I get back we'll drop Bliss off at
Pop's place. It's his turn to babysit." I managed
not ta snicker. Actually, who'd ya rather have
guardin yer kid than War?

Cupe was dressed when he stood up. I understand that
latah on, oh a few dozen centuries down tha line, tha
mortals pictured Cupe as a little, chubby, nekkid kid.
*snicker* *snort* Excuse me. I wouldn'ta minded tha
nekkid part, but while tha gods are a lot more casual
about that sorta thing than mortals, they usually do
keep at least a few rags on when they're out in
public. Dammit.

I expected him ta just flash off, but he came ovah an'
took me in his arms. I stiffened up. I mean, I
didn't exactly expect him ta clobber me, but I figured
he couldn't be feelin too kindly toward me aftah what
I put him through last night. He looked a little sad
when he felt me tense up, but he smiled. I said,
"What?"

"Good-bye kiss?"

"Yer kiddin, right?"

His hand went up inta my hair, holdin me, an' he
kissed me--with tongue. Uh, yeah, I suppose he
wouldn't have been able ta do that if I hadn't opened
my mouth, but... *cough* Didn't seem p'lite not ta

open when someone was knockin, ya know? Gods can kiss
for a long time, since we don't hafta have oxygen.
Have I mentioned how good he tastes? He kept kissin
me till I had my arms around his neck an' was suckin
on his tongue.

Finally he pulled back an' smiled at me. "Now, that's
a send off!" He bit my chin lightly an'...

FLASH

gone again. An' me standin there with a hard-on.

*sigh*

Well, Bliss was gonna be up at any minute, so I
whipped up a tub of cold watah an' dunked myself.
That works even for gods. By tha time Bliss came
toddlin in, yawnin an' rubbin his eyes, I was dry,
dressed, an' my teeth had pretty much quit chatterin.

He went an' rooted through tha bedclothes, lookin for
Cupe. Frownin, he said, "Stwife, Daddy gone again?"

"Just for a little while, kid. Yer grandma wanted ta
see him." Tha bottom lip poked out, an' I talked
quick. "But as soon as he gets back he's takin ya
ta visit yer grandad."

His face lit up brighter'n Apollo's chariot at it's
highest. "Gran'pa!" he squealed. "I get to see
Joxie, too?"

"Sure. He ain't goin anywhere any time soon,
Birdboy."

He giggled, trotted ovah an' climbed on my lap. "Do
my wings?"

"Sure." I started combin out his feathahs. "Ya musta
been tossin an' turnin last night, huh?"

He shrugged. "Had a funny dream."

"Yah? Tell me. I could use a laugh."

He shook his head. "Not funny ha-ha, Stwife."

"Ah, strange-funny." He nodded. "Okay, I like
strange. Tell."

He scratched his blonde curls. "Well..." he giggled.
"Maybe it is funny ha-ha. You looked kinda funny."

"Oh, I was in it, huh?"

"Yeah, you an' Daddy." He giggled again. "You was
kissin."

I cleared my throat. "Was that funny-strange or funny
ha-ha?"

"That wasn't the funny part."

That got me. "It wasn't?"

"Nope. Why shouldn't Daddy kiss you? Youse nice."

"Uh... thanks, kid. But what was tha funny part?"

Bliss giggled again. "You was so fat."

I laughed, too. "How many chins did I have?"

"No, youse face wasn't fat. You was fat like Joxie.
Ow!"

"Aw, geez, kid, I'm sorry! Did I pull?"

"Just a little, an' that's okay."

"Uh... Bliss, Joxer is fat cause he's gonna have a
baby."

"I know. I'm gonna have a cousin!"

"Uh, sorta. Look, howsabout I show ya tha different
types of loaded dice? If I know Zeus, he's gonna
wanna play against ya some time or anothah, an' ya
should be prepared."

FLASH

"Daddy!"

It was a good thing I let go fast, or I'da had a
handful of feathahs when Bliss launched himself off my
lap an' tackled Cupe. Cupe snatched him up an' tossed
him in tha air. Bliss giggled, an' hovahed a couple
of seconds, little wings churnin, before he dropped
back down inta Cupe's arms. "Good morning, Bliss!
Have you been good for Strife?"

"Yeah." He looked ovah at me. "Sowwy, Stwife." I
shrugged. He turned back ta Cupe. "Daddy, you came
and saw me last night, didn'tcha?"

Cupid hugged him. "I sure did. You know I can't
sleep unless I see you. Did you sleep good?"

"I had a dream. Stwife..."

"We oughta get this show on tha road, huh?" I said
hastily.

Cupe glanced at me. "Glad to see you're starting to
show some enthusiasm for the work." He looked back at
Bliss. "What about Strife, baby?"

"Stwife was..."

"I'm goin. I need ta talk ta Unc."

"Strife, wait..."

This time I flashed. I showed up in tha middle of
Ares's house, luckily close enough to a chair ta grab
it an' sit down.

"Strife, you okay?"

I looked. Joxer, in a loose tunic that didn't
disguise tha bulge of his belly, was sittin on a sofa
with his legs stretched out. Ares was sittin behind
him, with his arms around him an' his chin restin on
Joxer's shouldah. He was gently strokin his lover's
swollen tummy.

"Yah, I'm fine." An' I was. Tha dizziness an'
whoopsiness had disappeared almost at once.

Ares frowned at me--nothin new there. "You're
supposed to be with Cupid."

"He's comin. I thought I'd just drop in a little
early an' say hey." I smiled at Joxer. "Hey."

He smiled back. "Hey." He really is a nice guy. I
feel a little ashamed of all tha crap I laid on him
before he hooked up with Unc.

"Unc, I was just thinkin... Ya know, I still haven't
gotten that ambassador in a twist yet. I was gonna do
it tha next day, but tha manure hit tha blades of tha
rotatin aeration device..."

Ares looked confused. Joxer, who's got more on tha
ball than a lotta folks give him credit for
translated, "Shit hits the fan." Ares looked at him.
"One of Salmoneus's inventions. You don't wave the
fan, there are a lot of fans attached to a central
wheel, and it spins by..." He trailed off. "It's
kind of complicated, and it was more trouble than it
was worth, but believe me, what he's talking about is
a big mess."

"Anyways, I'm sure if ya had a talk with Zeus he'd
give me some time off, an' I could get it taken care
of. He's gotta state banquet today, an' that would be
tha perfect opportunity." I giggled. "He's gonna
make a speech, an' I'm pretty sure I can get him ta
screw up when he goes ta say 'I wanna honor your
ancestors' an' say instead 'I wanna sleep with your
mothahs'."

Ares looked interested, but Joxer slipped an elbow
inta his side. His voice was grudging. "It can
wait."

Shit. I thought for sure he'd buy that. I was gettin
a little desperate. I hadda put some space between me
an' Cupe because... Well, there couldn't be a repeat
of what happened last night, an' I didn't trust
myself. "Well, ya got that rebellion scheduled in tha
Sixth Battalion of tha Preatorian Guard. If they
aren't gonna think yer directly responsible, I need ta
get started now, an'..."

"I can send your mother."

I sat up straighter. "Unc, I thought ya just wanted a
little rebellion, not an out-an-out massacre!"

"She'll tone it down. Just concentrate on helping
Cupid fix the mess you made."

FLASH

"Gran'pa!"

Bliss squirmed out of Cupid's arms an' bounded toward
tha couch. Everyone started yellin an' wavin arms,
seein him headed toward Joxer like a runnaway centaur,
but he surprised us. By tha time he reached tha
couch he skidded to a stop an' gave Joxer's legs a
gentle hug. "Hi, Joxie! Can I see the baby?"

Joxer laughed. "Sure, Bliss." He watched as the
little boy put his hands carefully on the globe of his
stomach, then leaned down an', with an intense look on
his face, pressed his ear ta tha swell.

Aftah a minute Bliss grinned an' crowed, "Bump bump
bump bump bump."

"That's right, that's the baby's heart."

"Stwife was..."

'I was gonna teach tha kid ta recognize loaded dice,
in case Zeus decided ta pluck him, an' I don't mean
feathahs." That got me a stare from everyone.
"What?"

Ares said, "Strife, I swear, if you teach my
grandchild how to cheat at dice..."

"Dad." That one word was cold, an' I'll be damned if
Ares didn't stop, but he was obviously pissed.

Cupid gave Joxer a meaningful look, an' he looked back
ovah his shoulder at Ares. "Love, help me stand up,
would you? I think I'll take my milk out in the
garden today." Ares gently helped Joxer to his feet
an' materialized a big goblet of milk, handin it to
him. "Thank you." Joxer ruffled Bliss's hair.
"Bliss, I always give Mjau some of my milk. Would
you like to come watch him? He's been trying to catch
butterflies in the garden the last couple of days."

"Yeah!"

Joxer gave his to to the little boy, then looked at
me. "Strife, come keep us company."

I started ta say somethin, but Cupe an' Ares both
gave me a look, so I trailed along behind and spent a
little while watchin tha little black kitten leapin
an' pouncin, chasin yellow butterflies around tha
garden, an' dodgin Bliss, who was chasin him. I'd
materialized a nice, comfy chair an' footstool (he
needed ta keep his feet up, so his ankles wouldn't
swell) for Joxer, an' I sat on tha grass next ta him.
After a little while I felt him pet my hair, an' he
said, "Cupid gave Ares what for about you yesterday."
I flinched. "Oh, don't worry about that. He had it
coming to him." I looked up at him. "Strife, I love
Ares, but I'm not blind to his faults. He hasn't been
very nice to you over the years."

I picked a blade of grass an' started shreddin it.
"He wasn't so bad. He took care of me."

"Strife," Joxer's voice was gentle, "you know what my
family life was like. I can recognize screwed up when
I see it."

"Yah, I guess ya can. But it coulda been worse. Even
at his worst, I knew he loved me. He's just..." I
blew out a breath. "Well, he's Ares."

"Yeah."

A little while later a shadow fell across me, an' I
looked up ta see Ares standin ovah me. That usually
isn't a good thing. I didn't like bein that
close ta those boots, even if I had Joxer, Cupe, an'
Bliss there as buffers. An' he had such a peculiar
look on his face. He was lookin at me like he'd nevah
seen be before. I cringed when he reached down for
me, but instead of punchin me or tossin me inta tha
ornamental pool he... he...

he hugged me!

Oh, geez!

I froze, waitin for him ta rip my intestines out.
That smarts like crazy an' it's a real mess ta clean
up, an' it can take up to a week ta heal right, so I
wasn't lookin forward to it, an' it was tha only
reason I could figure for him grabbin me like that.

He whispered. "I didn't know. Strife, I swear to
Zeus I didn't know. I thought he was just goto
to
slap you around some, maybe break a bone at the worst.
And later when he started being more open with his...
his atrocities, I'd forgotten. And you didn't seem so
bad afterwards, and you never said anything. If I had
known..."

I jerked away from Ares, starin at Cupid. "You told
him?"

Cupid shook his head. "I showed him. I just told him
to take a look in my mind. It's there now, too,
Strife."

"Shit!" I screamed. I collapsed on tha grass, rollin
inta a ball again. "Get Bliss outta here! Get him
out, before I contaminate him, too!"

I heard tha murmur of voices an' footsteps movin
away. In a minute I felt a hand on my back. I didn't
even hafta look ta know who it was. I was gettin ta
know tha feel of those hands. "Go 'way, Cupe. Ya
don't really need me. Ya can get those two back
tagethah again without my help." I laughed, an' it
was a little hysterical. "Help! Oh, geez. I help
like a broken ankle helps an Etruscan dancer."

He started ta pull me inta his arms, an' I tried ta
fight him off, an' I didn't have any bettah luck than
I'd had any othah time. I ended up layin against his
chest with my head tucked inta tha crook of his neck.
"I'm sorry, Strife, but he just didn't understand how
harmful his treatment has been."

"But he didn't know. He didn't do any of it."

"You were under his protection, and he knew Cezanno
wanted to hurt you, he just didn't know how much. And
he sent you to him, helpless. Ignorance is a poor
excuse, Strife. He should have known his own warlord
well enough to know the dangers."

I sighed. "Cupe, ya gotta get Zeus an' Hera ta cut me
loose from this an' let me go back ta tha way I was."

He was rubbin my neck, an' his voice was soft. "I
don't want to."

I looked up at him. I had ta make him understand.
"Don'tcha see, Cupe? I... I'm dangerous. I managed
ta keep all that poison inside me for years, so that
tha rest of tha world was safe. Then my guard
slipped, an' it got ta you. You're gonna have those
images an' those feelins inside ya forevah, unless
maybe ya can talk tha Fates inta doin some fancy
weavin. An' now ya accidentally passed it ta Ares.
What happens if he accidentally passes it ta Joxer?
It could shock that baby right outta him, an' he may
be immortal, but there's no guarantee about tha baby,
since it'll be a demigod. An' Bliss. How can ya let
me stay around Bliss when ya know what I did?"

"What you did?" Cupid took my chin in his hand an'
stared inta my eyes. "Strife, what you did was
suffer, and survive. You're so strong."

"Strong? Cupe, I screamed like a girl."

"No, you screamed like a man being tortured beyond
endurance."

"I... I did everythin he told me to." Cupe started ta
say somethin, an' I interupted. "Yeh, I know. Tha
compellin spell. But... but I woulda done it anyway."
I remembered tha smell of my own flesh burnin when he
scorched his name across my back. "I offered ta do
things he didn't even ask for, if he'd just stop
hurtin me."

"That's how anyone would have reacted, Strife.
Anyone. Hercules. Me. Dad. Anyone. That sort of
pain, physical and emotional... It breaks things
inside."

I was quiet. "Yah. Ya know, that's kinda how I've
felt evah since then. Like I was fulla broken glass,
an' it was gonna punch its way through my skin at any
minute an' slash whoevah was close."

"Is that why you haven't let anyone get close to you?"

I shrugged an' stated tha obvious. "Cupe, nobody has
exactly tried."

"I'm trying."

I looked at him, puzzled. "Yah, you are. Why is
that?"

He smiled at me an' said quietly, "Because I'm in love
with you."

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Cupid's Little Helper