It Changes Everything: Charlie | By : IrenaAdler Category: M through R > NUMB3RS Views: 2977 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own NUMB3RS, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Part 9 – Defining the
indefinite
During his class, Charlie was able to forget his pressing
question, but after the last student left, his anxiety came flooding back. He looked at his watch and decided that his
father was probably home. He was going
to have to talk with him. Obviously leaving a great deal out of what I
just told Larry.
He drove home, his head swimming with words and numbers and
feelings, all merging with each other into a muddy mess. He pushed open the door with a sense of deep
tiredness.
“Dad?” Charlie
called. He looked into the kitchen,
looked in his office, and finally found him reading in the solarium. “Dad?”
Alan blinked sleepily and set the book down. “Hello.”
“Dad, I, umm, have a friend who wants to know something and
I thought, I told him that I would ask you, since you, umm, would know,
probably.”
Alan rubbed his cheek and sat up straighter. “You have a question?”
“No, my friend does and well, yeah.”
“And that is?”
Charlie cleared his throat, then asked, “How do you know if
you’re in love with someone?”
Alan gave him a too-knowing look.
Charlie opened his mouth to say, ‘It’s not Amita,’ but
decided to let his father think that for now.
He sat down on the chair nearby.
Alan leaned back and steepled his fingers together. “Let me ask you, what do you think ‘love’
means?”
Charlie was ready for this question. He’d memorized the definition from the Oxford
English Dictionary. “It is ‘That
disposition or state of feeling with regard to a person which (arising from recognition
of attractive qualities, from instincts of natural relationship, or from
sympathy) manifest itself in solicitude for the welfare of the object, and
usually also in the delight of his or her presence and desire for his or her
approval.’”
Alan shook his head and laughed. “Not a bad definition.”
“Of course not,” Charlie said huffily, “It’s the OED.”
Alan smiled. “So love
is caring what happens to someone and wanting to make them happy.”
“That’s it?”
“Sure. You can love a
family member, love your country, love a friend, as well as loving a spouse.”
“That’s it.” Charlie repeated.
“It varies in intensity and flavor, but yeah.”
Charlie frowned.
Could it be that simple? He
certainly cared what happened to Colby and wanted to make him happy. Maybe it was this ‘flavor’ that differentiated
his feelings toward Colby from another friend.
He sighed. ‘Flavor’ was another
hard to define word.
Alan reached over and put his hand on Charlie’s arm. “What are you really asking?” he asked
gently. “Are you asking for permission
to love this person?”
Charlie blinked. Maybe I am. He felt strongly about Colby. His feelings toward Colby matched any
definition of romantic love that Charlie could dig up. Larry had helped Charlie realize that he
already knew he loved Colby.
“You don’t need permission from anyone,” Alan continued in
that same gentle voice. “Love is one of
the greatest joys of life and you don’t need to justify or explain who you
love.”
Charlie looked at Alan and, for that moment, he could
imagine that his father knew who he was in love with and was giving his
permission. A warm rush of joy flowed
over him. He squeezed Alan’s hand and
stood up.
“Thanks, Dad,” he said, his throat tight.
Alan nodded, smiled, and sat back.
“I … I gotta go,” Charlie said.
Alan’s smile widened.
“I won’t expect you back tonight.”
“Thanks,” Charlie said again. “And … just thanks.”
Charlie rushed out the door, feeling clear-headed and
energized. He needed to see Colby. He had something to say to him.
Charlie barely managed to wait until eight o’clock before
showing up on Colby’s doorstep. It was
several hours earlier than he’d ever come over before, but he didn’t think Colby
would mind. In fact, Charlie probably
didn’t need to wait that late, but he was reluctant to change too many things
at once. The beginning of physical
intimacy two days ago had been a significant change in their relationship, and
he was about to introduce another change.
When Colby opened his door, he also seemed to have something
on his mind. Charlie shut the door
behind him and grabbed Colby for a ‘remember me’ kiss. Colby returned his warm kiss then stepped
back.
Colby cleared his throat and said, “How about we go out to a
movie tonight and dinner? Somewhere
public?”
That was unexpected, but it was early enough for dinner, for
a change. Wait a minute … “Colby, are you asking me out on a date?”
“Yes … if you want to.”
Charlie couldn’t help a smile. “You’ve done it all backwards. First you tell me you love me, then I move
in, then we have sex, then you ask me out on a date?”
“Well, when you’re chasing the great Charles Eppes, you have
to be a little unconventional.”
“Who’s chasing?”
“I’m chasing,” Colby said, stepping closer to Charlie.
“Well,” Charlie said, wrapping his arms around Colby and pulling
him close. “You caught me.”
“Yeah,” Colby said softly.
“Now that you’ve caught me,” Charlie said, with a grin. “What are you going to do?”
“Hmm.” Colby said, sliding his hands down Charlie’s back to
his ass. “Many ideas come to mind, very
few which can be done in public.”
Charlie reached up and rubbed his fingers through Colby’s
short hair, delighted to be able to touch Colby how and when he wanted to. “There's always later movie showings.”
Colby pulled tighter against him. “And all night diners.”
“Probably even early morning movie showings somewhere,”
Charlie fired back.
“Or late morning showings.”
“And lunch,” Charlie said. “Or an afternoon snack.”
Colby laughed and leaned down to kiss Charlie.
Charlie returned his kiss then remembered he had his own
thing to say. He pulled slightly away so
that he could see Colby’s face.
“What’s wrong?” Colby
asked, his smile fading.
Charlie’s eyes dropped, and he was suddenly anxious. Would it change things for the worse if he
told Colby he loved him? If Colby were …
sure of Charlie, would he not be as interested?
He’d heard of, and experienced for himself, relationships where when the
pursuer finally caught the quarry, the pursuer lost interest. What would it mean to Colby that Charlie loved him? To Charlie, it meant everything. Colby
meant everything. And Charlie wanted
that everything.
“I need to warn you,” Charlie said at last. “I’m very greedy. I’m not going to be willing to share
you. I want all of you, all the time,
the good and the bad and the messy.”
Colby said firmly. “You’ve
got me. I’m all yours.”
Charlie struggled not to respond to the warmth in Colby’s
voice. He needed to be sure.
“I mean, I mean … an exclusive relationship,” he
continued. “No David, no Don, no …
anybody else.” He finally looked up at
Colby. “Is that too much to ask?”
Colby’s face softened.
“Oh, angel,” he groaned, giving Charlie a tight hug. “It’s not too much to ask. You’re more than enough for me. I just hope that I’m enough for you.”
How could you not be
enough? Charlie’s throat felt tight and he gave a shaky laugh. “There’s a lot of you.”
Colby pulled back from the hug. “But I’m not smart. I don’t know what you’re talking about most
of the time. I have a scary job with
crazy hours and a lousy salary. I have a
past that’s pretty ugly and a future that’s uncertain and not much to offer
someone who’d no doubt win the Nobel prize for Math if there was one and—“
Charlie stopped the negative litany with a finger to Colby’s
lips. He had the urge to debate each
point that Colby had just made, but there was really only one thing he needed
to say. However, he couldn’t just come
out and say it … He fell back on comfortable
academic speech patterns. “You know that
working definition I was talking about that first morning I stayed over? Well, it has stood up to empirical study and
the scrutiny of my peers - at least Larry - and I can confidently declare it
validated.”
Colby stared at him for a moment than his eyes grew wide.
“You mean …”
“I mean,” Charlie said, holding Colby’s eyes with his own.
“I love you.”
“No shit?” Colby
gasped.
Charlie grinned. There
was no going back now. And he didn’t
want to. “No shit.”
Colby whooped and spun Charlie around. “I love you too, my wonderful Charlie!” Colby
scooped Charlie off the ground and into his arms. Charlie wrapped his arms around Colby’s neck
and knew he was smiling from ear to ear.
How could I ever have questioned
that I love this man?
“And when I get through with you tonight,” Colby said,
“there isn’t going to be a single cell in your body that doubts it.”
Charlie’s pulse started to pound as he realized that Colby
was planning on physically demonstrating how happy he was at Charlie’s
pronouncement.
Charlie opened his mouth to repeat the magic words, but
Colby interrupted him playfully, “Don’t tell me how many cells that is.”
Charlie laughed, his delight overwhelming him as Colby
dropped him into the middle of the bed.
Colby was perfect, life was perfect, he was in love.
“I love you, Cole,” Charlie said again, then pulled Colby
down to him and set about showing it.
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