SAVING GRACES

Chapter Nine



The searing wave forced the detectives to their knees. Elliott staggered to his feet and dragged Olivia with him. Terrible, bright light replaced the darkness. Olivia saw that Bobby had flung his body over Alex’s.



“C’mon,” Elliott shouted in her ear. She could barely hear him over the roar of fire. “We gotta get out of here!”



Flames already lapped at the ceiling, and ashes and sparks began falling on and around them like horrible red snowflakes.



“No!” Bobby screamed. “Not that way. Over there!” He pointed at a side window where the fire was already very close.



Elliott stared at Bobby, but Alex screamed “Trust him!” All four detectives rushed to the window. The heat and flames had weakened and distorted the glass and frame, and Bobby and Elliott’s frantic kicks easily shattered it. As they threw their bodies out the window, Olivia heard a huge explosion to her left as the other wall dissolved in flames. They landed hard in a lake of mud and water. Alex screamed, and Olivia and Elliott saw Bobby roll her in the glop.



“Goren!” Elliott shouted as a flame flashed on Bobby’s back. “Fire! You’re on fire!”



Bobby flopped immediately on his back, drowning the flames. Elliot and Olivia staggered to the other two detectives. The fire’s heat and smoke seared their skin and choked their throats; ash and sparks rained on them.



“Get away…gotta…” Bobby gasped.



They stumbled and lurched from the ravaged building; the once saving mud was now a terrible enemy, clutching at their feet and threatening to hold them for the fire. They managed to drag themselves far enough away that the heat was tolerable and the sky free of fire. They lay choking and gasping in the mud and water; the shrill screams of siren sounded just above the fire’s roar.



“Eames!” Bobby gasped. He crawled to her. “Are you all right?”



“Damn!” Alex said. “Ruined one of my favorite suits. And…” She stared at her feet. “I’ve lost a shoe…”



“Me too,” Elliott said, looking at the soaked brown sock on his left foot.



“Could’ve been a lot worse,” Alex said shakily. “I’m ok, Bobby…really.” Bobby knelt next to her, his hands hovering over her. “How are you?”



Bobby didn’t answer. Satisfied that Alex was all right, he slipped and slid to Olivia’s side. Olivia saw his face clearly in the fire’s light, and terror filled his eyes. “Olivia…” he choked.



“I’m ok,” Olivia assured him. “What about you? You were on fire…”



“I…I’m all right.” He turned to Elliott. “Thank you.”



“Not a problem. Especially when you saved all of us…I was headed for that opposite wall…Would’ve run right into it.”



They heard Munch and Fin desperately calling their names. Bobby struggled to stand, but winced and sat heavily. He rubbed his right knee.



“Take it easy,” Elliott said and staggered to his feet. “I’ll let ‘em know where we are…” He looked at Bobby. “Thank you, Goren, for letting me be able to see my kids again.”



Bobby’s head reeled for a moment, and he held his head in his hands. He took a deep breath and looked from Alex to Olivia and back again. “Are you both sure you’re all right?”



“Just a little singed around the edges,” Alex said as she carefully stood. She stared at the fire. “Oh, God…I hope Michael Flynn isn’t in there.”



“Thank God!” Fin appeared behind Elliott. “You’re alive!”



“That’s debatable,” Bobby murmured.



In spite of all four detectives’ vigorous protests, Cragen insisted that they were carted off to the nearest hospital. Elliott and Olivia checked out quickly, and Alex treated for some minor burns. The doctors forced Bobby to stay put for a couple of hours for treatment of burns on his hands and back and a nasty, deep bruise just below his right knee. The hospital allowed them all to take showers to get rid of the smoke and ash that infested their bodies; Cragen arrived to check on their conditions and provide a change of clothes.



“It’s not that big a deal,” Bobby complained. “It’s minor stuff…I’m all right.”



“Bobby,” Alex said. “Listen to the doctors…”



“Yea,” Olivia said in support. Stabler had returned to the burnt out building, but Cragen ordered her and Alex to stay by Bobby’s side. “Your lungs may have taken a beating…with those bandages on you can’t really hold a gun.” Her cell phone rang, and Olivia stepped out of the cubicle.



Alex stepped closer to Bobby’s bed; he looked miserable. “Thank you,” she said softly.



“What for?” Bobby asked bitterly. “I nearly got us all killed. Got evidence destroyed…I was brilliant…just fucking brilliant…”



“Bobby.” Alex gently touched his arm. “All of us went into that building…We all knew it was dangerous…Now we know Bertelli is our guy. We have a good case started. If you hadn’t been there, Stabler and Olivia and I would’ve run right into that fire.”



Bobby stared at his bandaged hands. “I…I don’t think…I can’t imagine Bertelli destroying the place he currently takes the kids…We have to get Veneer and talk to him…”



Alex smiled sadly. “Bobby…Please…Try to take it easy.”



Her face a mask, Olivia returned to the cubicle. “The fire didn’t destroy everything…The main, large room is pretty much gone…But the fire department got there quickly…They’ve found several bodies…They don’t know how many yet…And the remains of several baseball uniforms.” She looked at Bobby admiringly. “You were right…absolutely right…”



“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t right,” Bobby muttered.



Alex and Olivia shared a concerned look.



“You…you guys should get back to the scene,” Bobby said. “I…I’ll be ok…”



Olivia turned to Alex, who clearly had more experience dealing with Bobby’s black moods.



“Bobby,” Alex said patiently. “Cragen wants us to get some rest…We have to wait for the M.E. and CSU…It’s a messy scene. There are bulletins out for Bertelli and Veneer. They’re not going to get away. But things are on hold right now. Take advantage of this. You’re in the hospital. George Flynn and the Brass aren’t going to bother you here.”



He continued to stare at his hands.



“Cragen says we should get home,” Olivia said. “We can get some rest in a real bed for a couple of hours.”



“I…I won’t sleep well here,” Bobby said haltingly. “I’ve never slept well in hospitals…Too much noise…Too much light…”



One of the impossibly young ER doctors appeared. “Complaining about our accommodations, Detective?”



“Sorry,” Bobby said.



“You don’t have to apologize,” the doctor said. “We all agree here that this is no place to try to rest. You don’t have to stay. You’re bruised and burned, but nothing major…Although you may not think that tomorrow…We’ll let you go home, but you have to promise that you’ll take it easy. Just be careful with your hands and use your medicine.”



Bobby nodded; he seemed scarcely able to summon the energy to move.



“We’ll keep an eye on him,” Alex said.



Alex and Olivia silently agreed to head to Olivia’s apartment. Bobby slumped in the back seat of the SUV.



“Bobby.” Alex turned to him. “Try to shut your brain off…I can hear you thinking up here. I know it’s hard, but try to give it a couple of hours rest.”



They stumbled into Olivia’s apartment. Bobby feebly offered a few words of protest, but meekly allowed the two women to guide him. He again weakly protested when they led him to Olivia’s bed, but retreated when they pointed out the longer he argued the less sleep they all got. “Thank you,” he mumbled as he fell asleep.



Alex was too tired to fight over Olivia’s insistence that she take the couch. Olivia curled up in her largest, most comfortable chair. It was reasonably welcoming even when she wasn’t aching for sleep; the most luxurious of feather beds couldn’t have felt better in her current condition. She was asleep as soon as she pulled a blanket over her.



Alex woke with a start and winced when her body revolted against the sudden move. “Where?” she thought and remembered she was in Olivia’s apartment. “What?” she thought and heard soft cries and whimpers. “Bobby,” she thought. She saw Olivia curled in her chair; the other detective stirred slightly. Alex rose carefully and moved quickly to the bedroom.



Bobby twisted on the bed. “No…Please…” he muttered.



“Poor guy,” Alex thought. “Completely exhausted, and he still can’t get any good sleep.” She sat cautiously on the edge of the bed. “Bobby.” She touched his shoulder gently. “It’s ok…You’re all right.”



Bobby turned into her touch.



Alex heard a soft sound and saw Olivia standing in the door way. “Is he all right?”



Alex hesitated. It was difficult—sometimes impossible—for her to understand her relationship with Bobby, and always impossible to explain to others. She had no desire to hurt whatever might be developing between Olivia and Bobby, but she also sensed that if anyone could understand and accept her and Bobby’s partnership/friendship/psychic link, it was Olivia Benson.



“He doesn’t sleep well at the best of times,” Alex said softly. “And this isn’t one of those.”



Bobby stopped whimpering. Alex’s presence calmed him.



Olivia leaned against the doorframe. “He trusts you.”



“Yea…And I trust him.” Alex gently pulled a blanket over Bobby. His nightmares, at least for a moment, appeared at bay. “It took a while, but we worked it out.”



“I don’t think it’s worth trying to back to sleep,” Olivia said. “C’mon…I’ll fix you a lousy cop of coffee.”



“You didn’t ask how I know about Bobby’s sleeping habits,” Alex said as they entered the tiny kitchen.



Olivia filled the coffee maker with water. “I figured that wasn’t my business. Besides, Elliott and I are pretty familiar with each other’s sleep patterns.”



Alex smiled. “It’s just…” She placed the sugar and milk Olivia handed to her on the counter. “I don’t want you…”



“You don’t want me to think you and Bobby are involved,” Olivia said gently.



“Yea…I’m sorry…if I’m making any assumptions…”



Olivia poured two cups of coffee and handed one to Alex. “You’re not making any,” she said softly. “We…Bobby and I talked…and there’s something…more than something…But…” She leaned against the counter. Alex poured sugar into her cup. Olivia watched in amazement.



“Sweet tooth,” Alex explained. “Never get between me and the Skittles.”



“Noted,” Olivia said dryly.



“So…you and Bobby…”



Olivia smiled. “I like him a lot…But, what’s not to like? He’s smart and funny and cute…”



Alex grinned. “Yea…if a six foot four guy can be cute…”



“Look, Alex…I know you’re a professional…and one of the best and most honest cops I know…God knows I’ve had to deal with the rumors about me and my partners, especially Elliott…but…you and Bobby…”



Alex took a long drink of coffee. “It’s ok coming from you, Olivia. I know you’re not malicious or snoopy…”



Olivia chuckled. “I don’t know about that last one.”



“All right…a little snoopy…Bobby and I…” Alex looked into the depths of her coffee. “There was one time…a little over three years into our partnership. We had a bad case, especially for him. We were exhausted, so exhausted we couldn’t sleep…You know?”



Olivia nodded.



“We went out for a bite to eat after we closed the case…Had a couple of glasses of wine…Maybe more…Bobby took me home, like the gentleman he is…and we had some more wine. We were sitting on my couch…We were a little more than buzzed…not really drunk, but neither of us was fit to drive…And we were goofing off…We started teasing each other…One thing led to another…and…we started making out…Kissing, you know…I don’t think Bobby even thought about trying for second base…even when he’s a little tight, he’s a gentleman…and…” She blushed. “A really good kisser.”



Olivia smiled.



“But…I don’t know which one of us started giggling first,” Alex continued. “It just…I mean I don’t know what it’s like to kiss your brother, ‘cause I never kissed any of my brothers with romantic feelings…But we both knew…It wasn’t…isn’t…that I don’t think he’s attractive…I do…And he’s told me the same…But the romantic, sexual thing…” Alex shook her head. “I love him…It’s not what I felt for Joe…It’s not what I feel for my brothers—because I have to love them…but I love him.”



Olivia grinned.



“It’s confusing…and frustrating…and frightening,” Alex said. “And…and it’s been really hard lately. What happened to me…his Mom…And Brady did such a number with his head.”



“But that case was supposed to be…”



“Such a triumph. Well, it was sorta…” Alex took a deep breath. “But Brady…He insinuated that Bobby’s Mom was one of his victims.”



Olivia winced.



“I still don’t know what happened during his last interview with Brady,” Alex admitted. “He wouldn’t let me go with him…He told me I had to trust him…and I did…But he won’t tell me what happened.” She clutched her cup tightly. “His Mom died the same night as Brady’s execution.”



“He told me,” Olivia said gravely. “That his Mom was schizophrenic.”



“Good,” Alex said after a moment. “He trusts you…He doesn’t tell anyone that unless he really trusts them.”



“God…How rough has it been for him?”



“Pretty rough, I guess. I’ve picked up that his father wasn’t much. A gambler, probably alcoholic, a skirt chaser. He walked out when Bobby’s Mom got bad. His older brother is a screw-up. Lots of addictions.”



Olivia looked towards the bedroom. “How did he survive?”



Alex shook her head. “That stuns me about him. Not only survive, but become a good, kind man with those odds against him? I have no idea. But I know he doesn’t see things the way most people do because he can’t. He sees and analyzes everything because he had to when he was a kid.”



“Do you know if he was abused?” Olivia asked, dreading the answer.



“I’m not sure…He’s never said he was. I don’t think sexually…but there are a lot of other kinds of abuse…” Alex took a long drink of coffee. “There’re some things he’s said…done…I’m pretty sure he was knocked around physically, emotionally and mentally. I suspect he was neglected a lot. Someone…maybe several someones…have told him he’s not worth much.”



“That would explain a little about his trouble accepting praise,” Olivia said. “It’s not fair…He’s a good man.”



“Yea,” Alex agreed. “It really makes me angry when people think he’s some genius without feelings. He is a genius, but he has feelings. He’s not arrogant. He works really hard. Sometimes he’s embarrassed by his own brains. He understands people. It’s why he’s so good in the interrogation room…You saw that.”



Olivia nodded.



“That costs him…a lot…After some of these cases, he’s just bleeding.” Alex stood and poured another cup of coffee. “I’m probably not helping Bobby’s cause here.”



Olivia briefly considered Alex’s revelations. “It’s nice to have warnings,” she finally said. “Might have saved me some grief in the past.”



“There’s another thing…” Alex’s confidence slipped away. “You know…what happened to me…I’ve told you a little…”



“Yea.” Olivia’s emotional radar was on full alert.



“The person…who…took me…was the daughter of Bobby’s mentor…The person who first saw Bobby’s gifts…who trained him.”



Olivia’s mind reeled with this information.



“He was so hurt…Sometimes I think he was more hurt than I was…After…After I recovered…at least physically…My first night home, I couldn’t sleep…You know the symptoms…I wasn’t going to call my family…and…and that left…”



“Bobby,” Olivia said.



“Bobby. He came right away. I think it helped him as much as it did me…It was a way for him to make it up to me…Not that there was anything to make up…There were…are…not as much as before…nights…He’d come and sit in my house…or the chair in my bedroom…or…” Alex hesitated and rushed forward. “And on really bad nights he’d hold me in my bed. Nothing ever happened. I swear. It…it helped…me…him…You’re the only one who knows…”



Her head spinning, Olivia sat quietly. “Why…why are you telling me?”



“I…I…It’s not that…I…If it’s meant to happen between you and Bobby…I want you both…to have some happiness.” Alex seemed to be attempting to explain as much to herself as to Olivia. “But…I want you to know what you’re facing.”



Olivia thought of all the times Elliott pulled her through bad times, of the times she’d helped him, of all the times she’d pushed him away, all of the times he’d pushed her away, afraid that they might cross some line. Alex and Bobby maintained a precarious balance on that line, with both protecting the other without destroying their independence. Olivia knew that if someone was to rat out Alex and Bobby, it wouldn’t be her. She couldn’t condemn them for saving their partnership and their sanity, but his complicated relationship with his partner was another in the growing list of reasons warning “STAY AWAY!” But how could she not love a man who had fought against such horrible odds and won? A straight man who could enter a woman’s bed only to hold and comfort her. Olivia remembered how gently Bobby hugged her; how smooth the silk of his suit felt and how comfortingly rough his stubble felt; how intoxicating the combination of his subtle cologne and own scent smelled.



“He’s…he’s a challenge,” she said softly.



Relieve, Alex smiled.



“Hey,” Bobby said shyly from the kitchen entrance. “I smelled coffee.” He was dressed, his tie dangling from his shirt collar. He moved with some stiffness, and looked as if he could have benefited from several more hours of sleep. He surveyed the scene, a growing sense of alarm rising in him. “What?” he asked apprehensively.



“Nothing.” Olivia smiled. “Need some help with your tie?”



Alex moved to get Bobby coffee. “Don’t worry, Bobby. We were just talking about you.”



He watched nervously as Olivia tied his tie. “Thank you,” he said softly. “I could do it myself, but this is a big help.”



“Nice tie,” Olivia said as she looped the silk. “Elliott’s always complaining he has to depend on what his kids give him.”



Bobby felt slightly dizzy, but he didn’t know if the sensation came from a lack of sleep, a lack of food, the painkiller he’d reluctantly ingested a few hours earlier, or Olivia’s closeness to him.



“Here,” Alex said pushing a cop of coffee towards Bobby. “I say we let her in our club…She makes her coffee really strong.”



Bobby gratefully drank the black liquid.



“How do you feel?” Olivia asked.



“Not too bad considering last night…or this morning,” Bobby answered.



“Your back ok?” Alex asked.



“Not bad…Feels like a bad sunburn…My hands are just an annoyance.”



“You know,” Olivia said cautiously. “Cragen let it be known he wouldn’t be upset if you got some rest today.”



Bobby shook his head. “Bertelli’s spooked. He’s going to make mistakes. And Michael Flynn isn’t getting any breaks.”



Olivia’s cell rang in the living room, and she moved to get it.



“Olivia’s right,” Alex said gently. “After all you’ve done…after last night…No one expects you…”



Bobby stared into his coffee. “I wouldn’t get any rest,” he said softly. “We’re so close…”



Olivia, visibly excited, entered the kitchen. “That was Elliott…They picked up Gregory Veneer at JFK…He’s being brought in for questioning.”



END CHAPTER NINE