The Importance of Family

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, violence. It's difficult to warn on this chapter as y'all will finally find out what Joe's dreams mean. I don't want to upset anybody by not giving adequate warnings, however, I also don't want to give it away before you read the chapter. So I'll say this; there is some material in this chapter that may disturb some, if you are easily bothered by what you read you're welcome to PM me and I will tell you what the disturbing topic is before you read the chapter.

Rating: FRT

The Importance Of Family
Chapter 9


Joe spent a restless night, never fully waking from his dreams. He opened bleary eyes to the sound of his bedside table being maneuvered around near his bed.

"Good morning," the middle-aged blonde smiled down at him. "You've got good timing, you're just in time for breakfast."

"You call that good timing?" he scoffed.

She chuckled, "Well you might have a point there, but I'll let you in on a secret." Leaning down, she whispered conspiratorially, "It's worse cold." As she'd hoped it would, the remark brought a small chuckle from the handsome young man in the bed. She'd been bringing his morning and noon meals for the past several days with the result that she had become familiar with his condition and the effect it was having on his mood. Though she wasn't a nurse, she had worked in the hospital long enough to know that the mood of the patient could directly affect his recovery, whether for good or ill.

"Guess I better eat it now then," he conceded. Raising the bed to a more comfortable position, he waited for the blonde to place the table in the right position. "You know you've been bringing my food all this time and I don't even know your name."

"My name's Mary," she smiled. offering her hand to him. The smile slid from her face as a sad look appeared on the face of the man in the bed.

Joe gave himself a small shake, "I'm sorry, it's just that my mother's name was Marie..."

"It's alright, I understand," she assured him. "I'll just leave you alone now, enjoy your breakfast."

"Enjoy? It's hospital food, how can I enjoy it?"

"Well then try to survive the experience," she winked as she slipped out the door.

Joe chuckled for the second time that morning. He was grateful to Mary, her continued good mood in the face of his depression had finally brought him out of the self-pity he'd been wallowing in. He knew the depression was far from over, such an overwhelming feeling of despair couldn't lift with only a couple of small jokes and a friendly smile, but he felt a little less like a drowning man this morning. For the first time since his accident he felt like he could get through the battle that lay before him. After all he had something that a lot of people didn't, a family that loved him and would support him.


Ben took a deep breath, bracing himself for another day in the battle of wills he'd been engaging in with his youngest. Silently asking his late wife for the strength to outlast the depression gripping their boy, he pushed the door open.

"Morning Dad," Joe greeted him with a small, almost shy, smile.

Ben couldn't have stopped the grin that spread across his face if he'd wanted to. "Good morning son. You seem to be feeling better," he added as he sat down in the chair nearest the bed.

Joe shrugged, “Guess I am, a little anyway.” He ate a few more bites before pushing the tray aside. “I'm sorry Dad, for the way I've been acting.” He kept his eyes on his lap as he spoke, unable to look his father in the eye. He knew his dad valued strength, and not just physical strength; he was sure the man he respected more than any other must be ashamed of him.

Ben sighed, he could guess by Joe's behavior what he was thinking. Reaching out, he placed two fingers under Joe's chin, gently lifting his head until he could look him in the eye. “You have nothing to be sorry about Joseph.”

Joe could see the truth of his father's words in the older man's eyes, could hear it in his voice and a weight lifted from his soul. Feeling awkward, he searched his mind for something else to say. “Did you find the guy that was out there with me?”

Ben sighed heavily, he'd hoped after so many days with no mention of the man who had tormented Joe, that his youngest had forgotten about him. “Joe, are you sure there was somebody out there?”

“You think I made him up?” He couldn't believe his father would question him like this. He would have expected it from Adam, but not his dad.

“What?” Ben was startled. “No Joe, of course not. It's just that, son, your brothers searched the whole area, even going quite a distance from where we found you and they couldn't find any evidence of anybody else being there.”

Joe gaped at his father. “You mean I imagined him?”

“I don't know Joe. It looks like you might have, but he could just be very good at covering his tracks,” he tried to console his youngest child.

Joe shook his head. “Nobody's that good.” He looked deep into his father's eyes, as if searching for an answer. “I just don't understand, why I would imagine somebody like that?”

Ben was at a loss as to how to answer. He'd had several days to think about that very thing and he still wasn't any closer to an explanation than he'd been in the beginning. He'd thought all of his boys knew they were loved. He had wracked his brain, desperately trying to find where he had gone wrong with Joe. What had he done or not done that had caused his baby to think that his family wouldn't come for him, that they didn't love him. “I don't know Joe,” he honestly replied. “Do you think we don't love you? Is that something that worries you?”

Joe quickly denied his father's words with a shake of his head, his dark curls flying around with the force of it. “I've never thought that Dad, why would I?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Ben admitted.

“I don't know,” Joe whispered, his eyes sliding shut. The depression that had begun to lift was back in full force. What would make him come up with something like that?

Because you know it's true Joe. They've never really loved you. If they did, they never would have left you alone with me.

Joe whimpered, the small sound echoing loudly in the quiet room. Strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him close as soothing words washed over him, easing his pain.

“Shh, it's okay Joe. It probably doesn't mean anything. You were hurt and alone.” Ben hoped that was all it had been. He hated to think that any of his children would ever doubt his love for them or the love of their brothers.

Of course it doesn't mean anything, because he doesn't really care. He's just saying what he thinks you want to hear.

Joe wanted to scream at the voice to shut up, but he knew that would only worry his father. Maybe he was going crazy. It'd make sense. Didn't crazy people hear voices? He had even answered the voice he'd heard. That must mean he was losing his mind. Joe didn't want to be locked up and he knew if he told his father he was still hearing that same voice, he would find himself in a rubber room before he could blink.

Ben held Joe, gently rocking him. Even after the boy had fallen asleep, he continued to hold him. Only when the nurse came in, did he reluctantly let go of his son, laying him back against the pillow.

*****************


Two weeks later; Ben pulled up at the hospital, Joe was finally coming home. Right now, Adam and Hoss were at home helping Hop Sing get the place ready for their brother's homecoming. In consideration of Joe they had opted not to have a welcome home party, as had been their first instinct. Rather it would be just the family and Hop Sing, who was making all of Joe's favorites for his first lunch at home. Jason, who was staying with them, had graciously made himself scarce, in spite of Ben's insistence that he would be welcomed. Ben was secretly grateful that his friend had found somewhere else to be for the day.

Riding the elevator to Joe's floor, he thought back to the conversation he'd had with his son's doctor the week before.

Ben knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Dr. Simms called out.

“One of the nurses said you wanted to see me doctor,” Ben said, stepping into the room. At a motion from the doctor, he sat down in one of the chairs facing the desk. “Is Joe worse?”

“No, no,” Dr. Simms quickly assured the older man. “Actually we're finally seeing some improvement,” he smiled.

Ben grinned, “That's wonderful, isn't it?” His smile faltered when the doctor didn't seem to share in his enthusiasm.

“It is, however it can also be a difficult time in Joe's recovery process.”

Ben was puzzled. “How so?”

“Joe began to feel sensations in his legs this morning, and was able to move his toes slightly.”

“Thank God,” Ben whispered. “How long do you think it'll be until he can walk again?”
Dr. Simms graced him with a grim smile. “Therein lies the difficulty Mr. Cartwright.”

Ben swallowed hard, “What do you mean doctor?”

“The first part of the difficulty lies in the fact that Joe may push himself too hard, expecting that with the return of sensation and slight movement his recovery will progress at a rapid pace. This is rarely the case Mr. Cartwright, as I have told your son. There is still swelling present and it will take time, along with extensive physical therapy for Joe to regain the ability to walk. There is also the possibility, though it is low, that Joe will progress no further.”

“You mean he might still be permanently paralyzed?” Ben was shocked. When the doctor had given him the news about Joe he had assumed it meant the paralysis was definitely temporary.

The doctor nodded, giving the older man a sympathetic smile. “It is unlikely, but Joe must be prepared for the possibility. If he doesn't accept it and it proves to be true, the resulting depression could be quite devastating.” This was one part of his job he hated. When a patient improved he and the family should be allowed to enjoy it. Yet, he couldn't allow them to do that, not without cautioning them of the possible negative outcomes. He had seen the results of letting a patient proceed along, blithely ignorant of all of the possible outcomes. On those occasions that the outcome was less than the patient had been expecting, the depression that followed often destroyed the patient, sometimes to the point of suicide. He had vowed, after witnessing such an outcome in the beginning of his career, that he would never allow another patient to be ignorant of the possible outcomes, even if it robbed them of some of the joy of their small progresses.

“I see,” Ben said after several minutes of silence. “How much physical therapy will he need? When will you know if he is going to be permanently paralyzed?”

“He'll need daily physical therapy. He has already received some, in the form of a therapist exercising his legs to prevent muscle atrophy. That will continue and now that he has sensation, more will be added. I will probably release him from the hospital in about a week, so you will need to think about what arrangements you'll want to make.”

“Arrangements?” Ben asked, his voice dangerously low.

“Yes sir,” the doctor nodded, oblivious of, or ignoring Ben's tone. “Joe could be transferred to a long-term rehabilitation center or...”

“No,” Ben thundered. “My son will be coming home,” he firmly informed the doctor.

“I suspected as much,” Dr. Simms smiled. “In that case you'll need to arrange for therapy. You could bring him to a facility each day, but I would recommend that you hire a therapist to come to your home. It will be easier on the whole family and I suspect Joe will be more comfortable.”

Now here he was, ready to take his youngest home. He knew the doctor had been right to caution them. Without those words, all of them, especially Joe, would have been expecting quick and steady progress. The reality of slow and sometimes steady progress which had taken place in the past week would have been devastating to see and might very well have robbed his son of all hope.

************************


Adam looked up at the house as the physical therapist left for the day. He wondered how things had went, but he didn't go in to ask. He knew he needed to talk to Joe. He should apologize for the way he had been treating his brother before his accident. So why hadn't he done it, he asked himself. Adam had never considered himself a coward, but it seemed he might have been wrong; at least when it came to expressing his emotions.

“He ain't gonna bite.”

Adam jumped, he'd been so lost in thought he hadn't even noticed Hoss coming up to the fence. “You sure about that?”

Hoss pretended to think it over, “Well...pretty sure,” he grinned. “But if he does I'll stitch your stubborn hide up,” he teased his older brother.

Adam chuckled, “I guess that means I don't have any excuse.”

“No you don't,” Hoss agreed. “Go on Adam, I'll supervise the bronc busting,” he offered.

Adam shook his head, “Maybe later. Don't look at me like that Hoss,” he nearly whined, the disappointed look on his brother's face hurting him as the other man had known it would. “He just finished his therapy, you know how tired he is after a session. I'll go talk to him in a bit, I promise.”

Hoss nodded, he couldn't argue with Adam's reasoning. “Alright, but you make sure you talk to little brother today.”

“Yes sir,” Adam grinned, “Any other orders you'd like to give while you're at it?”

“Nah,” he said with a shake of his head, “already gave the most important one.” Clapping Adam on the back, he turned away, heading back to his own work. He had only come back to the ranch yard to get some more nails. They should have had enough and would have, if not for the fact that more fencing had come down in the last storm they'd had than they had suspected.

“Hey Hoss,” Adam called out, waiting for his bear of a brother to turn around, “Thanks,” he smiled.

Hoss grinned, “Anytime older brother.” Sketching a wave, he headed to the supply shed.


Jason walked to the ground floor room Joe was currently in. Shortly before the therapist had left Hop Sing had driven into town for some groceries; leaving him alone with Joe for the first time since his return from the hospital. Carrying a tray with two glasses of juice and some cookies, he entered the small room. “Thought you could use a snack,” he smiled.

Joe looked up when the door opened, he was just opening his mouth to tell Hop Sing he didn't need anything when he saw Jason Lewis. “Yeah, um, thanks Mr. Lewis,” he mumbled. It had been years since he'd seen his dad's old friend, and he was no more comfortable with him now than he had been the last time he'd seen him. Of course that had been right after he'd gotten caught in a flash flood, just barely escaping the canyon by scaling the wall.

He knew it was childish to blame the man for what had happened. It was just bad luck that he had been with Joe when the storm blew up, as desert storms were prone to do. It should have been his father taking the twelve year old Joe camping, but Hoss and two of their hands had been injured in a stampede. Thankfully none of them had been seriously injured, but they couldn't work and it left them shorthanded, meaning his dad couldn't take him camping as he'd promised. That had been when Mr. Lewis had offered to take him instead. Joe didn't remember much about the trip, the doctor said it was probably the trauma of being caught in that canyon. For, though, he had managed to escape, it wasn't without some battering against the canyon walls, leaving him bruised and bloodied.


All he knew was that Mr. Lewis had told his father that Joe had been off hiking when the storm blew up and he had gone looking for him, finding him at the edge of the canyon. Ever since then he had been uncomfortable around the older man. It had only been a few months after that incident that Mr. Lewis had moved from Nevada back to the east coast. This was the first time in seven years that he'd come for a visit and Joe was wishing he'd just go back home.

“I've been hoping for the chance to spend some time with you Joe,” Jason quietly said, taking a seat on the bed.

“You have?” Joe wished he could move more as he tried to shift away from Mr. Lewis.

“Of course I have,” Jason smiled. “I've never forgotten our time together on that camping trip. I'm only sorry that it was cut short by your accident.” He chuckled mirthlessly, “And now you've had another accident, but this one will insure we can spend some time getting to know each other again.” As he spoke, his hand came to rest on Joe's leg, seemingly without intention.

Joe swallowed, why was he feeling so uncomfortable? This was his father's friend, he'd known him since he was a baby. Before that camping trip, the man had been like an uncle to him. “No offense Mr. Lewis, but I think I'd rather have skipped the accident.”

Jason laughed for real this time, “I'm sure you would have. Now what is with this Mr. Lewis business? There was a time when I was Uncle Jason to you,” he reminded the boy.

Joe blushed, “Yes sir, guess it's just been too long since I saw you.” It sounded like the truth and he couldn't think of any other reason for being so formal with the older man, though a small voice whispered that there was more going on.

“I suppose that might be it,” Jason conceded. “Tell me Joe, have you ever remembered anything about our trip?”

Joe shook his head, “Just getting caught in the canyon and then waking up in the hospital.”

Jason nodded, “That's too bad, but maybe it's for the best. You've grown into a handsome young man,” he said.

Joe blinked, that was a strange change of topic...”Thanks,” he uncomfortably acknowledged the compliment.

Jason smiled, “I usually prefer my boys younger, but for you I'll make an exception.”

Joe cringed, “What are you talking about?” Suddenly he wished he could jump out of this bed and run from the room.

“Come on Joe, you're not that naïve...or are you?” He moved his hand under the blanket, touching they boy the way he'd wanted to do for years.

“Get your hands off of me,” Joe growled, grabbing for the man's arm, only to find his hands trapped in a surprisingly strong grip.

“I don't think so,” Jason smirked, pinning the boy's arms above his head as he continued to fondle him. “I've been wanting to do this for too long to quit now. This is what should have happened before and this time you won't be running away. Don't worry pet, I'll make sure you enjoy this too.”

Joe froze, like a freight train slamming into a mountain the memories of that long ago camping trip came back. The second night of the trip he had woke up to find Jason Lewis lying beside him, his hands touching him in places nobody should be touching. At first he had been too scared to move, but as the man spoke to him, telling him what he planned and that he would make sure Joe enjoyed it too, he had snapped. Fighting back hadn't been easy, after all he had only been twelve and small for his age, but he had desperation on his side. Somehow he had managed to get away before the man was able to do more than touch him and say some things that were upsetting in their own right.

“My father will kill you when he finds out what you've done,” he threatened in an echo of the past.

Jason laughed, “You said that before. What makes you so sure he doesn't know?” he repeated the question he'd asked years ago.

Joe glared, “He wouldn't let you do this.”

“Then why did he leave you alone with me? Don't you think he knows what kind of man I am? You know what kind of people your friends are, don't you?” Before the boy could say anything else, he covered his mouth in a harsh, demanding kiss.

Joe spit in his face. Though he was as desperate as he'd been at twelve, his legs were too weak to support him, giving him no chance of escape. “Get off of me you bastard,” he growled, doing his best to dislodge the other man. If he could just get the weight of the other man off his chest he could draw in enough air to yell for help. It went against the grain to admit he was helpless to stop Jason by himself, but better embarrassed than...he couldn't even think it. Suddenly the weight was gone.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?” Adam slammed Jason Lewis against the wall. When he had come inside to talk to Joe, he had imagined several ways the conversation might start. He had never, not in his wildest imaginings, thought of finding his father's old friend molesting his youngest brother.

“It's not what you think Adam,” Jason tried to defend himself.

“So you weren't forcing yourself on him?” Adam scoffed.

“Of course not,” Jason replied with all of the righteous indignation he could muster. “I was only giving him what he wanted.”

“No, Adam it's not true, please you have to believe me,” Joe cried out, suddenly terrified that Adam would believe Lewis.

“I know it's not Joe,” Adam quickly assured him. It hurt him to think that Joe would expect him to believe a man like Jason Lewis over his own brother. “What do you want to do with him Joe?”

“You can't treat...” Jason nearly bit his lip as he was slammed into the wall again.

“Shut up,” Adam ordered. “Joe?”

“Just get him out of here Adam, please,” Joe whimpered, beginning to shake in the aftermath of the attack.

“Pack your bags and get out,” he ordered Lewis. “I wouldn't take long if I were you, when my father and brother get home you won't want to be around.”

“I'm going, but I was only giving Joe what he wanted, the same thing he wanted the last time I saw him.” Wisely Jason scurried from the room before Adam could do anything to retaliate for his words.

Adam ignored the urge to go after the bastard. Right now his brother needed him more than Jason Lewis needed a beating. He sat down next to his brother, “Joe, did he hurt you?” he softly asked.

Joe shook his head, wrapping his arms around his chest.

Adam sighed, “This isn't the first time he touched you, is it?”

“No,” Joe whispered.

“Why didn't you tell us?”

“I didn't remember,” Joe admitted after a long silence.

Adam was startled by that, “What do you mean you didn't remember?”

“Just what I said,” Joe sullenly replied. “I don't know how I forgot, maybe that doctor was right about trauma making me forget things.” He shivered. “I remember now,” he softly added.

Adam grabbed the blanket, wrapping it around Joe and pulling him close, for once trusting his instincts. “Tell me about it little brother,” he quietly encouraged.

“It was that camping trip, the second night I woke up with him touching me.” His voice grew smaller with each word so that by the last one he could barely be heard. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to go on. “I got away, not sure how, but once I was free I started running. Guess that's how I got lost, ain't that a kick in the pants? Lost on our own ranch,” he chuckled bitterly.

“Understandable though,” Adam replied. “It's hard to think clearly when you're panicked and I don't know any twelve year old that wouldn't have been panicked after an experience like that.”

“I suppose,” Joe mumbled, though he was grateful for Adam's understanding. “Anyway, next thing I knew it was morning and I was in a canyon. Then it started storming and I knew I had to get out of there. I started climbing and made it to the top just before the water completely filled the canyon. I don't know if Mr. Lewis would have gotten me help if it hadn't been for that ranch hand showing up right after he found me. There wasn't much he could do after that, not if he didn't want dad to find out what he'd done. Of course when I woke up he found out I didn't remember, so he didn't have to worry anymore.”

“I'm so sorry you had to go through that Joe,” Adam said, hugging his brother tightly. “Is today the first time he's tried since he got here?” He felt Joe nod against his chest. “What do you want to do about him?”

“I just want him gone Adam, I just want to forget him,” Joe whimpered. For several minutes the two brothers were silent, each lost in thought. “Adam...do you think dad knew...about Mr. Lewis?”

Adam drew back, holding Joe at arms length, allowing him to look the younger man in the eye. “No Joe, there is no way dad knew what kind of man Mr. Lewis is. He wouldn't have let him near you if he had known or had any suspicion.”

“But I know what my friends are like,” Joe argued.

Adam gave his brother a small smile. “Do you? Did you know that Jamie goes to a coffee bar on Wednesday nights and recites poetry he's written?”

Joe's eyes went wide, “He does?”

Adam nodded, “He does.”

Joe smiled, relief flooding him, “I see what you mean. Dad never knew, did he?”

“No Joe, he never knew. God help Jason Lewis when he finds out.”

“I wish he didn't have to know,” Joe whispered.

“We can't keep this from him Joe,” Adam soothed, pulling his brother close again.

“It was him, Lewis that I heard after my wreck,” Joe said, his voice holding a tone of sudden realization.

“You mean he was up there?” Adam nearly growled the question.

Joe shook his head, “I don't think he was really there, it was just his voice I heard. I'd been having dreams for a while before the accident.”

“What kind of dreams?”

“A long hall with lots of doors, each door held a memory. There was always this one door I couldn't open,” he gave a short laugh, “guess now we know what memory that was.”

“I guess so,” Adam quietly agreed. “Do you think maybe that might be why you were running kind of wild?”

Joe shrugged, “You're the thinker big brother.”

“And you're not as stupid as you want me to think you are.”

“Guess it might have been, it did start about the same time as the dreams,” Joe admitted. “What did you come in for anyway?”

Adam smiled, “It's kind of ironic really. I came in to apologize for the way I was treating you before the accident. Funny how different things can become interconnected.”

“Yeah it is,” Joe agreed. “I'm glad you decided to swallow your pride for once. I don't want to think about what might have happened if you hadn't,” he shuddered.

“Then don't think about it,” Adam advised.

“Isn't that what got me into this trouble?”

Adam sighed, “I suppose, but I don't see how dwelling on what might have been is gonna help.”

“It won't, but I can't hide from it again. I'm not a little kid, it's time I started acting like it, don't you think?”

“You're right Joe, you're not a kid, you're a man grown and one I'm proud to call my brother.”

Joe looked up at his brother, his eyes shining with love and pride at the words he'd never thought to hear from his oldest brother.

************************


Epilogue: When Ben had come home, the two brothers had broken the news to him and Hoss. Ben couldn't apologize enough to his youngest for bringing a predator into their lives. It had taken months of therapy, for the whole family, to convince Ben that he was no more to blame for what Jason Lewis had attempted, than Joe was. The hardest part of the ordeal for Joe had been the decision to prosecute the man for what he had done. It was the memory of his words about preferring younger boys that had spurred Joe on. He couldn't let Lewis get away with what he had done, effectively letting him continue to prey on children, not and call himself a Cartwright.

Along with the family therapy, Joe had seen a therapist individually while also enduring physical therapy. The physical therapy was over long before the psychological. Not really surprising when he thought about the reason for the psychotherapy.

In the end, he had gotten through it all with the love and support of his family. The very family that for a short time he had rebelled against in his attempts to prove he was a man. He understood now, as he stepped from the courthouse where Jason Lewis had just been found guilty on all charges, that a real man appreciated his family, never forgetting the importance of their love and support in his life.

The End.

Thanks to all my reviewers and readers. Sorry it took so long to get here, but I hope the wait was worth it.