Brothers | By : cowgirl65 Category: 1 through F > The Big Valley Views: 3162 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: i don't own The Big Valley and make no money from this. |
Jarrod finished the last words on the will he was drawing up, set down his pen and rubbed his eyes. There wasn’t anything urgent left to do; maybe he’d head home early and get some rest. It had been a trying few months since that wolf had bitten Nick. Jarrod would have never believed that his brother would hide something as important as being given a virtual death sentence from him, but when Heath brought Nick home as he'd promised, he used all of his courtroom skills to pry out of Nick exactly what had happened. Jarrod’s fist clenched involuntarily. He knew it had been hell on Heath too, but to have his brother, his partner and confidant for all his life, keep something that important from him hurt him terribly. The worry and subsequent hurt of knowing that Nick had just walked away to die without a word had taken a toll on him physically as well as mentally and a nap before dinner sounded like a good idea. Or maybe Heath would be home and he could have some of his frustration fucked out of him instead. Jarrod had never had as much sex in his life as he’d had since Heath became a member of the family. It had helped him through the time when Nick was gone but there was still one thing lacking in his relationship with Heath and that was any sort of intimacy. Jarrod had never been celibate, even though he hadn’t often actively looked for sex. Over the years he’d been sought out by more than one of the demimonde as a bed partner, but even those women, who were in it more for the material things they could gain from pleasuring a rich man than in the man himself, would cuddle and caress him after they were finished with their exertions. Jarrod had enjoyed those soft moments late at night more than the sex, and even though he now knew he preferred a hard cock to a soft breast and the climaxes Heath brought him to were on a level that transcended any from those other encounters, he still missed the warmth and feelings of affection. But when he was with Heath, they just put on their clothes when they were done and went their separate ways, unless Heath had fucked him in his room. Then he bid Jarrod goodnight once he’d sated himself in Jarrod’s ass and sought his own bed without any other word. Sighing, he quickly looked back over the papers, set them neatly to the side, stood and stretched. The sex they had was just that, sex; he’d have to do with the closeness they shared as brothers rather than lovers and felt a twinge of jealousy. It was obvious to him that Heath shared a strong bond with Nick; it even might rival what he and Nick had and they’d been brothers their whole lives. And if recent events were any indication, Nick had become closer to Heath than to his older brother. Jarrod couldn’t help but suspect that Nick would have told Heath about the rabies even if Heath hadn’t been there when the wolf attacked and that hurt most of all. Jarrod bid his secretary farewell as he left, still troubled. He greeted the hosteller absently when he retrieved Jingo from the livery and headed for home. Trusting the sorrel to know the way, Jarrod mulled over things in his mind. Could he go on with things the way they were? There was nothing he could do about Nick’s relationship with Heath, even if he wanted to. He was happy that they were developing such a close bond and becoming brothers in more than just name. With them working the ranch together and he at his office, it wasn’t surprising that he felt a bit left out and maybe that was a lot of his problem. Jarrod resolved to spend more time with them, whether working on the ranch or just spending a lazy day fishing at the pond. Maybe that way he could build a relationship with his newest brother that was like the one he used to share with Nick or Nick shared with Heath. Maybe that would lead to some of the intimacy he craved and maybe he could regain some of the closeness that he’d lost with Nick. With Victoria and Audra visiting relatives in Denver, it was just he and his brothers at home for lunch. Nick and Heath started discussing a trip to pick up some Hereford breeding stock from Sonora and Jarrod’s gut clenched. It was on a similar buying trip that Nick had been bitten and he had a sudden urge to go with them. He didn’t have any pressing business for the next week or so and could easily take the time to join his brothers on the trail. It was the perfect opportunity for the three of them to spend some time together. “You boys like some company?” Nick and Heath turned to Jarrod. “You?” Heath asked in obvious surprise. Jarrod shrugged and smiled. “Why not? A few days of chasing cattle, a little fresh air, sleeping under the stars, it’ll be just like a vacation.” Nick snorted. “Eating Heath’s beans and getting calluses on those lily-white hands of yours?” he scoffed. “C’mon, Pappy, be serious.” “It can be pretty hard work, Jarrod,” Heath added. “Nick and I can take care of it, don’t worry about us.” Jarrod thought about protesting that he’d worked alongside their father same as Nick and still helped out whenever they were short. But before he could say anything, Heath grabbed a roll and stood up. “We’ve still got at least two miles of broken fence to take care of,” he told Nick and shot Jarrod a wink as he added, “Remember, this is a working ranch.” Jarrod hoped Heath would take his answering smile at face value and not see the hurt lurking in his eyes from their rejection and lack of faith in his ability to help on the trail. He pushed back from the table. “I’ve got a few things to look over in the study. See you boys at dinner.” He left quickly, trying to ignore his brothers’ discussion of the best route to take on the way home with the cattle. Jarrod sat at the desk in the study, not really paying attention to the papers in front of him. It was obvious that Nick and Heath shared something that he wasn’t a part of and never would be. In fact, even though it cut him deeply to admit it, they didn’t really need him here. All the legal work he did for the ranch could just as easily be done from his office in San Francisco and it wasn’t like he couldn’t come back and visit from time to time. Nick didn’t need him, he had Heath as a partner and confidant, and as much as it broke his heart, Heath was a good-looking man who could easily find someone else to warm his bed. They might miss him but they didn’t really need him. He felt like a coward for planning to leave, but staying around would hurt more than leaving. Mind made up, Jarrod started gathering the papers he’d need to take with him to San Francisco. A whinny from outside caught his attention and Jarrod looked up. Out the window he could see a bright bay horse trotting around the corral, stopping and snorting every time he was balked by the fence, and an idea came unbidden to his mind. You’re being foolish, Jarrod chided himself and went back to his task until the horse whinnied again. A couple of the hands had caught the horse the other day and apparently no one had time to break it yet. The idea that he should go out and break the horse himself came back more strongly. If he did that, it might not change his relationship with his brothers, but it might make them give him a little more respect. It might also break your neck, he scolded himself, but immediately discarded that idea. No, he hadn’t broken a horse since before his father died, but he’d done it many times in the past and even if it didn’t prove anything to his brothers, at least he’d prove to himself that he was still capable of the hard work they’d scoffed at him doing. Putting down his pencil, Jarrod headed outside. Heath and Nick finished loading the wagon. “Jake, you and Hap take the wagon,” Nick said to the two hands assigned to the job. “Heath and I’ll get our horses and meet you there.” “Will do, boss.” The two men climbed into the wagon and set off as the brothers headed back towards the barn. They heard the squeal of an angry horse and exchanged glances. “Reckon we better see what that was about,” Heath observed and Nick nodded his agreement. They both broke into a run when they rounded the corner of the barn and saw Jarrod crumpled at the edge of the corral, the unbroken horse saddled and snorting at the other end. “Jarrod!” Nick exclaimed. He jumped over the fence and rushed to his fallen brother. “Jarrod, what the devil…?” Jarrod moaned slightly but didn’t open his eyes. A large bruise was forming on the side of his head. Heath crouched down beside him and his gut clenched when he looked Jarrod over and saw the bloodstained tear in his brother’s pants and the bit of white bone sticking out below his knee. Nick followed Heath’s gaze and winced when he too saw the broken leg. “Damn,” he swore, ripping the bandana off his neck and tying it tightly above the break to staunch the bleeding. “We need to stabilize that leg and get him to the house. Stay with him. I’ll go get help and send someone for the doc.” Heath nodded. He moved to cradle his brother’s head in his lap as Nick left. Jarrod groaned again and Heath saw his eyelids flicker. “Just lie still, Jarrod,” Heath warned. “Your leg’s broken and we don’t want it getting any worse.” Jarrod’s eyes opened more and Heath couldn’t help adding, “What were you doing trying to ride that horse anyway?” “Just… trying to prove… not useless,” Jarrod said faintly. “Reckon I did… the opposite.” He tried to sit up and gasped in pain. Heath held him down. “Stay put, Jarrod. Nick’s coming with help.” This time, Jarrod nodded and closed his eyes. Heath tried not to look at Jarrod’s leg. He’d seen too many of those breaks in the war and more often than not, the leg couldn’t be saved. But this isn’t a battlefield, Heath reminded himself. There’s got to be a better chance of it healing here. Heath heard the pounding of hoofbeats as one of the hands rode towards town. Nick came back with Silas in tow. “What on earth was Mr. Jarrod doing?” Silas demanded as they tied Jarrod’s leg to a couple of thin boards. “He’s a lawyer, he don’t go around breaking horses.” “You’ll have to ask him,” Nick muttered as he tied the cloth tight. “Silas, you make sure that leg stays still. Heath and I’ll carry him.” Lifting their brother between them, they took him to the house, up the stairs to his room and set him on the bed. “We need to get it clean, Nick,” Heath said, taking out his knife and carefully cutting Jarrod’s pants around the break and the splint. “If it gets wound fever…” Nick nodded, face grim. He knew just as well as Heath how likely it was that Jarrod could lose his leg. “Silas, get some hot water.” Silas nodded and hurried down the stairs while Nick went over to Jarrod’s desk and grabbed a bottle out of a drawer. “Got your best scotch, Jarrod,” he announced. “Hold him, Heath.” Heath rested his weight on Jarrod to pin him to the bed. Not an uncommon position for them to be in, Heath thought grimly, but it was usually for a better reason. “Hold on, Jarrod,” he murmured, “this’s liable to hurt.” Jarrod tensed and cried out when Nick poured the alcohol on the wound to disinfect it and Heath held him tightly, telling him it was going to be okay in an attempt to make himself believe it as well. Silas brought up the water and they bathed Jarrod’s wound with that as well. After that, all they could do was wait until Dr. Merar got there. Nick tried to get Jarrod to tell him what he was doing trying to ride that horse, but even though they suspected he was awake, Jarrod kept his eyes closed and didn’t acknowledge them. It seemed like hours before they heard footsteps on the stairs. Dr. Merar immediately set his bag down on the chair so he could inspect Jarrod’s leg. “What happened?” he asked. Jarrod spoke up for the first time since they brought him in the house. “Stupidity,” he managed. The doctor looked from one brother to another in askance before pulling up Jarrod’s eyelids and checking his pupils. “He was thrown from a horse,” Heath finally supplied. “We cleaned it as best we could.” “You did a good job. A slight concussion I think.” Dr. Merar untied the splint, took out a pair of scissors and deftly sliced off Jarrod’s pant leg. Then he reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle and a cloth. “Jarrod, I’m going to need you asleep for this.” He poured some liquid out of the bottle onto the cloth. “This is chloroform. I’m going to hold it over your face and I want you to breathe in deeply.” Jarrod shook his head in a feeble protest. “Jarrod,” the doctor said sternly, “either you cooperate or I’ll have your brothers hold you down and do it anyway. Which will it be?” Jarrod finally closed his eyes and nodded. Dr. Merar held the cloth over his mouth and nose and soon Jarrod’s body went limp. With Nick and Heath’s help, Dr. Merar liberally dosed the area with iodine and carbolic acid, set the bone and closed the open wound. He bound Jarrod’s leg again to the splints after placing a bandage on his leg and proceeded to take off the rest of Jarrod’s clothes so he could look the rest of him over. His torso was heavily bruised and Dr. Merar pronounced that there were a few broken ribs as well. “That’s all I can do,” he said after binding Jarrod’s ribs. He drew a blanket over his patient. “It’s hard to say how long he’ll be out, could be a couple of hours. I’ll leave some laudanum for the pain.” He sighed. “I’ll be out tomorrow to check on him. I don’t think I have to tell you boys how serious it could be if his leg gets infected.” They both nodded. “I’ll see you out, doc,” Nick offered, but Dr. Merar held up his hand. “No need, Nick, I know the way. Just stay here with Jarrod until he wakes up. He might be a bit disoriented when the chloroform wears off.” “Thanks, doc,” both said as the doctor left. Nick turned the chair around and plopped into it. “Jarrod was sure right about ‘stupidity’,” he groused. “He had no business being on that horse.” Heath sat carefully on the edge of the bed and didn’t comment. He recalled Jarrod’s words about proving he wasn’t useless and felt a pang of guilt. It was likely the conversation at lunch that drove Jarrod to do what he did and that meant he and Nick were partially responsible. Heath really had no idea if Jarrod was any good at ranch work; just because he’d never seen his oldest brother out on the range didn’t mean he wasn’t capable and Heath should have never dismissed his offer to come with them so readily. “I think he was trying to prove he was good enough to come on the trip with us,” Heath finally said, his voice quiet. “Jarrod wouldn’t…” Nick started to protest but then a guilty look came over his face as well. “Damn,” he swore softly. He got to his feet and paced across the room. “If he loses that leg, I’ll never forgive myself.” “It won’t come to that, Nick,” Heath said firmly, willing himself to believe it as well. “We got it cleaned right away and the doc’s good. He’ll be ready to join us on roundup in a month or so if he wants to.” Nick nodded, but his expression didn’t change. He sat for a few minutes, got up and paced restlessly and then sat again. He slapped his fist into his hand and got up again. “Nick, why don’t you go outside for a bit?” Heath suggested. His brother’s pacing was making him twitchy as well. Nick opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it. “Yeah, good idea.” He jabbed a finger in Heath’s direction. “But you call me when he comes to, y’hear?” “You got it, Nick.” Nick looked over at his unconscious brother again, clenched his fist and left the room. Heath moved over to the chair and waited silently for any sign that Jarrod was waking up. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there before he heard a low moan. Moving back onto the bed, he smoothed the hair off Jarrod’s forehead. “Hey, big brother,” he said softly as Jarrod’s eyes flickered open. “Wh…?” Heath brushed his fingers over Jarrod’s cheek. “You got thrown. Busted leg, busted ribs and the doc says you have a concussion.” “Why are you… here?” Jarrod croaked faintly. Heath gave a small smile. “Reckon someone had to make sure you were flat on your back. Might as well be someone with lots of practice.” “Never… stay with me.” Jarrod coughed and grimaced in pain. Heath grasped Jarrod’s shoulder. “You’re my brother, I’ll always stay with you. Want some water?” Jarrod head shook slightly. “No, you…” He coughed again. “Don’t care… always leave,” he added softly and Heath noticed the glitter of a tear in his eye. “Good for a fuck, then… you leave. Never stay.” The tear rolled down his cheek as Jarrod closed his eyes. “Jarrod…” Heath didn’t know what to say, so he just grabbed the bottle of laudanum and poured a spoonful. “Here, you’ve got to be hurting.” And it was all his fault. Jarrod didn’t protest as Heath helped him lift his head and gave him the laudanum followed by a few sips of water. Then Heath held his hand as Jarrod’s breathing evened out and he went back to sleep. Jarrod’s words cut him to the core. He’d never considered that leaving for his own room after a hot bout of sex could appear to Jarrod like he didn’t care for him, that all he cared about was burying his cock in Jarrod’s ass. It was hard for him to open up to another; he’d been hurt every time he’d ever told someone his true feelings, and over time he’d just stopped trying, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care. Then he wondered why Jarrod had never said anything before, but maybe Jarrod was just as afraid of rejection as he was. Maybe he just didn’t want to take the chance of hearing that their relationship was really only physical. And maybe that was one of the reasons Jarrod offered to go to Sonora with them, to feel like he mattered to Heath, and that was why he ended up hurt. Heath was filled with guilt. If he had just once told Jarrod how much having him as a brother and a lover meant to him, maybe Jarrod wouldn’t be lying there. But by trying to protect himself from getting hurt, he’d only hurt someone else instead. “I’m sorry, Jarrod,” he whispered, gripping his brother’s hand more tightly. “I hope you give me a chance to make it up to you.”
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