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Gravity \| Book I: Amidst the Chaos	By : Prophecy Category: 1 through F > The 100 Views: 2331 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distress, and I don't need to be rescued
Imagine you're a girl, just trying to finally come clean
Knowing full well they'd prefer you were dirty and smiling
And I am sorry, but I am not a maiden fair
And I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere
- Ani DiFranco, 'Not a Pretty Girl'

Lexa wore her guilt like a shroud for days.

She'd been coming to Clarke's room as often as possible, compelled to check that Clarke was alone in it; that nothing terrible had happened. Clarke wasn't about to complain, but at the same time, she hated herself for lying to her about something that was clearly causing her a lot of distress. Especially when the result was for her to keep surprising Clarke with niceties; pinkfruit on every tray, a new stack of books, a pouch of charcoal. Every nice thing Lexa did in pursuit of making up for the attack only increased her guilt.

Clarke was sketching out a picture of the Polis skyline when the familiar three-tap knock came from the door. "Yeah?"

Lexa stepped in, and then quickly aside as several sentries filed in behind her, their arms full. Clarke could barely breathe when she saw what was being brought in to her room. Stacks of canvasses, crates filled with paint and brushes. Her eyes widened, her jaw practically on the floor. Lexa could almost swear that the girl from the stars had stars in her eyes as she watched the corner of the room fill with her apology of spoils from the mountain.

Lexa stood at attention, chin in the air and her hands clamped behind her back as she silently watched the attendants bring it all in. Clarke was trying to catch her eye across the room, and it took everything Lexa had to ignore the urge to look back, lest she risk someone noticing the craving she knew would be plastered across her face.

As it turned out, it was a good thing she managed to summon the strength to avoid the desire she knew would be lurking behind Clarke's baby blues. Titus, having come down to investigate the unusual activity in the hall, was coming in the doors, his face leaving no doubt that Lexa was due for another scolding.

Clarke busied herself at the table, turning her back on them. She'd once told Lexa that she saw right through her; the flipside was that Lexa saw right through her as well, and would therefore almost certainly clue into the tension between Titus and herself.

"Heda," he opened grimly as he watched Ryder setting up an easel in the corner.

Every muscle Lexa had tensed, her jaw clenching in cadence with her clipped words. "Is there a problem, Titus?"

"A problem other than treating the prisoner as you would treat visiting royalty, Heda?"

Lexa's shoulders tightened instantly, turning a glare on Titus. "We both know there's only one clan ruled by royalty. If you have something to say, spit it out. This conversation does not need to be as tedious as I anticipate."

He frowned. "Need I remind you what happened the last time you let your feelings make your decisions for you? Do you not think the Ice Queen will move against you when she finds out you're treating this girl not as a prisoner of war crimes, but rather as if you've sworn fealty? She will surely use it to unite the twelve clans against you, Lexa."

Lexa's arms dropped as she turned her body to stare him down, her face darkening, a dangerous tone in her voice. "Heda. You will show me the respect due your Commander, Fleimkepa. There are thirteen clans now, a fact you would do well to remember in the future." Titus started to open his mouth, but Lexa stepped closer, nowhere near finished expressing her anger. "And you will hold your tongue about Costia as well. It was not my decision to love her any more than I make a decision to breathe. It is what people do, Titus, and the Commander loves all of her people. Even the ones that frequently weaponize her deepest regrets against her."

Titus lowered his head a little, his voice quiet and significantly more respectful than it had been. "Forgive me, Heda. It is my job to protect you, as well as the fragile coalition you have built. And treating this girl as you are—"

Lexa's hand snapped up to stop him from continuing. "Clarke kom Skaikru is a gifted artist. If I wish my prisoner to provide a measure of beauty for the halls and lodgings of Polis Tower, that is my prerogative and no threat to the Coalition or my life. In fact, the only threat at this moment is the increased activity of both Azgeda and Skaikru on the northwestern border. A threat which you are meant to be addressing by sending riders to request more gonakrus from the remaining eleven clans to reinforce the blockade. I assume you have not done this yet."

Titus was redder than she'd ever seen him, and it took a lot for Lexa not to smirk about it as he nearly fell over himself apologizing while trying to hide his disapproval of the entire situation. She held her position until he was slinking out the door, giving Octavia a glare as they passed in the hallway.

Octavia came into the room carrying an expanse of tarp. "Heda, Cyrus told me to bring this up."

Lexa's shoulders settled a bit now that Titus was gone, and she nodded. "Thank you, Octavia." She raised her voice a little, addressing the sentries. "Leave us." She maintained her posture until only she, Octavia, and a still-half-dazed Clarke were left, and then sighed, releasing her hands and watching Clarke paw eagerly through the crates.

"Is it just me, or is Titus even crankier than usual lately?" Octavia dropped the tarp onto the table, shaking her head. "That man is the living embodiment of blue balls."

Amused as she often was with Skaikru's way of wording things, Lexa finally cracked a smile. "It's not just you. He worries."

"No, Piglet worries. What Titus does is more like having a total psychotic breakdown every five minutes."

Lexa's brows furrowed. "Who is Piglet?"

Octavia paused. "Oh. He was my favorite character in this book Bellamy used to read me when we were kids. He worried all the time, about everything, and he would always say, 'Oh, dear.'"

"He sounds more like a Commander than a Piglet."

"Well, he was an actual piglet. Like, a pig."

Lexa looked over at her dubiously. "That is not possible, Octavia. Pigs cannot worry or speak. This story sounds like a trick."

Clarke, meanwhile, was already leaning over the table, scratching her new charcoal across the page in front of her and listening to the exchange with a smile.

Octavia shrugged a little sadly, fingering the handle of her knife idly. "Most stories are." She cleared her throat, pulling herself together quickly. "I should head down. Bellamy and Raven should be here with the delivery."

Lexa nodded, her eyes darting across the room to where Clarke had lifted her head quickly, her look of yearning only enhanced by the bruises and cuts peppered across her face. "Bellamy and Raven are coming?" Octavia and Lexa both looked everywhere but at Clarke as her face fell quickly. "Let me guess. Prisoners of Polis don't get visitation."

Lexa's voice was quiet, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Clarke. It's the law."

Clarke's face darkened just a little. "You mean it's your law."

Lexa cleared her throat, lifting her chin and looking into her eyes. "Yes. It's my law. There have to be serious consequences, or jus nou drein jus daun would not have even a chance of working."

Clarke dropped the charcoal she'd been playing with back onto the table. "Serious consequences? So, I can't see my friends or my mom, but I can have all this stuff?" She gestured at the table. "It's your law, you could change it if you wanted to."

Lexa opened her mouth to respond, but Octavia had already taken a step towards Clarke. "Do you ever think anything through when it's not about you, Clarke? You have no idea how much of a risk all of this is to Lexa's life in the first place, and you wanna increase the threat just so you can say hi to the people you ran away from?"

"I didn't run away, I—"

Octavia interrupted her quickly. "No, you did, Clarke. You did what you always do. You made a choice for everyone. Then you left to go play martyr in the forest, not caring what happened after. Lexa saves your life, and all you've done since then is put hers at risk. All you care about is what you want, what you think is best. You act like people can't be trusted to make their own choices for themselves."

"Probably because they can't," Clarke spat, facing off with her.

Octavia's tone darkened along with her face as she leaned in even closer. "You would have made a great Chancellor on the Ark. You're a pro at claiming everything you do is for your people and then floating them in the same breath!" They were both shaking, and Octavia's hand was wrapped tightly around her sheathed knife, her knuckles white with stress.

"That's ironic coming from you, Wanheda. You've been running away from your people to play Grounder since we landed!"

Before it could go any further, Lexa snapped, "Em pleni!"

They glared at each other for another moment before Octavia said evenly, her eyes still locked to Clarke's, "Moba, Heda." She turned on her heel and walked out of the room without another word.

Clarke watched her go with a scowl on her face, then looked back at Lexa, her heart sinking when Lexa looked back at her with disappointment before following Octavia out of the room.

_____________________________________

When Lexa found her, Octavia was standing just outside the rear tower entrance, her arms crossed and one foot propped against the wall she was leaning back against. Her face was tense, her jaw clenched as she watched the buzz of the marketplace.

Lexa stood next to her,

"Here to yell at me?" Octavia had meant it to be dryly sarcastic, but it came out sounding very small.

"No," she said simply, leaning carelessly against the wall in a stance not entirely appropriate for a Commander. "You were both wrong, and you were both right."

"You know how much it kills me to agree with Titus about anything, but, Heda, Clarke is a threat to you. You know that, don't you?"

Lexa waved her hand dismissively. "You and Titus overreact."

Octavia bit her lip, worrying it for a minute as she had a brief internal debate. "I think Titus knows."

Lexa's head spun towards her quickly, abandoning her relaxed posture on the wall to fully face her. "What makes you think that?"

Octavia's voice was quiet when she responded. "He just happened to walk in on the attack and save Clarke's life? And why were they attacking her? If they were going to kill her, they would've slit her throat. Something quick and lowkey."

Lexa's bright green eyes searched Octavia's desperately, paling a little as the pieces began falling into place. "It was his doing. And he wanted information, not blood." She looked back at her, her confident mask slipping quickly out of place. "But why would he not have told me he knew? Why would Clarke not have told me? They have no stake in protecting each other."

Octavia cleared her throat, scuffing the toe of her boot on the ground. "They're not protecting each other. They're protecting you. The best way to keep a secret is not to say it out loud. And Clarke.." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Is a heinous bitch a lot of the time, but she really does care about people. Especially you. She knew you'd hate Titus for what he did to her, so she lied to you."

"Like her friend Wells lying to her so she wouldn't hate her mother." Octavia nodded quietly, picking at her cuticles. Lexa swallowed hard as her mind replayed the past several days, her voice quiet. "The medallion. Clarke said she found it. But she would not look me in the eye. I blamed it on the attack rather than deception."

"They mean well, Heda."

Her face quickly grew stormy, her body tensed and a clipped tone to her voice. "Everyone does seem to mean well when they tell me who I am meant to be and what I am meant to do."

Octavia's brows furrowed a little as she looked back at her once more. "What does that mean?"

Lexa straightened her posture, a determined and stony look taking over her face as she practically growled. "It means I'm the Commander. Nobody decides for me, and I will not hide behind anyone's protection." She turned and headed towards the door with a determined pace.

Octavia watched her go with confusion, calling after her, "Heda, what does that mean?" Lexa just kept walking as the Skaikru rover turned onto the road beside the square, and Octavia slammed her hands against the wall angrily. "Spichen!"
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Gravity | Book I: Amidst the Chaos