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Lonely No More	By : Nativechild Category: 1 through F > Due South Views: 1786 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Due South, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Lonely No More
- 2-Reaching out
- 1
- 2
Chapter 1

Ray was concerned about Fraser. He hadn�t been acting like himself lately. He was acting even more strange than normal lately. Ever since the Henry Ander�er�Allen when Fraser and he�d been offered that transfer back to their regular lives, he�d been silent and even more withdrawn that usual. Since he hadn�t been around the precinct lately and no one seemed to know where he was, I had decided to conduct an unofficial stake out, so I waited until Fraser was off duty and left the consulate. Since it had been a while since I�d to tail someone I messed up a couple of times and was almost caught and had to lag behind for awhile in order to stay out of sight. Finally, after what seemed like hours of walking, but was in reality probably only about half an hour, I saw him enter a bar that had a flashing neon sign that proclaimed they had BEER. Wait a minute. Fraser in a bar? Fraser in a bar when he didn�t have to be? Voluntarily? With no case to investigate? That can�t be right.

After waiting for a few minutes, I went in and found a back table as I looked for Fraser in the crowd. He walked up the bar tender and started talking with. He obviously knew him by sight because when he saw Fraser he smiled and bent to pick a bottle of water up for him waving him off when he went to pay for it. He laughed as he said something to Fraser who immediately blushed even as he smiled, obviously pleased. He went to sit at the table and watched the stage where a couple of brave souls went up there to sing. After each person was finished, an announcer came up and asked for applause for the people. I couldn�t really see why, other than to be polite, as none of the people had anything even approaching real talent. Finally, the announcer got up and said, "Now this man needs no introduction as he is known by pretty much all of ya, but for all the new comers out there, I present�Ben Fraser!" All the people who looked like they were regulars applauded enthusiastically as Fraser walked up the sat on the stool that was placed there for all the guitar players. He began by checking all the strings to make sure that they were perfect then cleared his throat into the mike. "All of you know this song, as it sung by Sarah McLachlan a woman with an amazing voice, but it is also the song I always sing when I come here. So, here it is. It is called Ful Gra Grace."

the winter here's cold, and bitter

it's chilled us to the bone

we haven't seen the sun for weeks

to long too far from home

I feel just like I'm sinking

and I claw for solid ground

I'm pulled down by the undertow

I never thought I could feel so low

oh darkness I feel like letting go

if all of the strength and all of the courage

come and lift me from this place

I know I could love you much better than this

full of grace

full of grace

my love

so it's better this way, I said

having seen this place before

where everything we said and did

hurts us all the more

its just that we stayed, too long

in the same old sickly skin

I'm pulled down by the undertow

I never thought I could feel so low

oh darkness I feel like letting go

if all of the strength

and all of the courage

come and lift me from this place

I know I could love you much better than this

full of grace

full of grace

my love
Fraser�s deep voice added a sadness to the song that told the listeners that here was someone that had felt the painbeinbeing lost, alone and helpless. The silence in the room was complete. A person who started to clap broke the crystal clear silence, and soon the whole room was clapping madly, and a few even gave him a standing ovation. Fraser stood there for a minute and then walked off the stage, ignoring the women who tried to rub up against him, and the men who offered to buy him a drink. With polite nods to people, he was gone. I just sat there till last call thinking about Fraser and all that the song had said and realized it was true. He had not seen the sun for weeks. Not just for weeks, but for years.
The next morning sitting at my desk two lines from the song kept running around in my head: I never thought I could feel so low; oh darkness I feel like letting go. I didn�t like the sound of that. In fact, it pretty much petrified me. My best friend was in trouble and I couldn�t do anything about it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey, lou, could I talk to ya for a minute?"

Welsh sighed and waved me in. "What is it detective? What kind of trouble are you and the mountie in now?"

"Naw, it�s no� li� like that sir. I�m worried about Fraser, sir"

Welsh looked worried and I had the urge to smile. Whether he knew it or not, Fraser had managed to worm his way into all of the hearts at the precinct. Including, it seemed, into Welsh�s. I might just tell that to Fraser just to see his blush and watch him stutter.

"Why, what�s wrong"

I handed him a piece of paper with an address on it, "Meet me here, sir, at 8:00 pm"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Okay, detective, why are here?"

"Just be patient, sir. You�ll see."

Sure enough, three minutes later Fraser walked in carrying his trusty guitar case. A few people got up to sing and left after they were given polite applause. Again, the announcer gets up to introduce Fraser and again the bar fell silent as his deep voice filled the room singing the same haunting song as before. I look over to see Welsh�s reaction and do a double take. He is crying as he looks at Fraser, listening to his words as he pours his heart and soul into it. I look at the rest of the people in the bar and realise that there is not a dry eye in the place, including mine. He pauses for a minute as if listening to something and nods his head. He looks up, grins and says "on a lighter note I thought I might try another song. It is by Brian Adams and is called �Everything I do, I do it for you� Here it goes.
Look into my eyes - you will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart - search your soul

And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for

You know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find

There's nothin' there to hide

Take me as I am - take my life

I would give it all I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for

I can't help it there's nothin' I want more

Ya know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love

And no other - could give more love

There's nowhere - unless you're there

All the time - all the way

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

I can't help it there's nothin' I want more

I would fight for you - I'd lie for

Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you
This time when I looked around I saw I saw smiles instead of tears. I turned to Welsh to point it out but he had already noticed. Even Welsh had a ghost of a smile. One person (It just happened to be voluptuous blond with a husky voice) stood up and asked for one more song.

Fraser, turning almost as red as his uniform, complied with a blues number that pretty much summed up the city and how he felt about it. He began with his usual introduction, only with a blush added. "This song is called neon blue and is by a Canadian blues group named after the lead singer Holly Cole. The band is called Holly Cole Trio.
Neon blue

Strike the light through

Feeling like a stranger

Just passing through

Sitting in this downtown hotel room

Looking at the view

The city takes

Its toll out of you

Neon blue

Tombstones of tomorrow

Cities cry of doom

Echoes from the towers

Like a ghost wind blowing through an empty room

Flashes from the signs on the arcade, 10c off the dollar

Its a sweet parade but nothing lasts forever

Neon blue

Street lights on the corner

Splash their colours on the night

Tape deblarblaring, kids compare

Stories of their flight into everywhere

Riding the wires, reaching for the moon.......

Street lights on the corner

Splash their colours on the night

The men drive by so slowly

The deal is always red for gold

Midnight in the city is always neon blue.......

The men drive by so slowly

The deal is always red for gold

Midnight in the city is always neon blue.......

Neon blue

Neon blue
Ignoring the pleas for more Fraser stood up took his bow and left. Welsh and I trailed behind going back to the precinct. We sat in his office in silence for about ten minutes. Finally I get the nerve to ask the Lou what he thinks the problem is.

"Well, first of all, from the first and last song, I think it�s safe to say that Fraser misses his home." Well dah, I think, that�s obvious. But I say "What�s the second?"

"What?"

"saidsaid �well, first of all�� What�s the second?"

"Detective, if you can�t figure that out for your self, then you don�t deserve that badge you carry"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 2

"I never thought I could feel so low; oh darkness I feel like letting go."

One week. One week and I can�t get that stupid fucking line outta my head. And what�s worse is that now that I look, I cee aee all the signs of a cop about to lose it. I mean, he�s even beginning to get snarky. Becoming impolite. Yeah I Know, I know, this is Fraser we�re talkin� about, but he really is!

I�m worried about him.

Oh god, oh, god, not now, not now. Fraser was chasing an insane creep who had murdered a lot of people just because they got on his way. He was armed; Fraser was not. Very bad odds, considering the mood Fraser had been in lately.

Oh, god. A loud shot had just had just echoed through the ally way where Fraser was chasing the guy. I had already called for backup and could just barely hear the distinctive sound of the sirens piercing the night.

I ran to the entrance of the ally and pulled my gun. The guy was already running in the other direction as fast as he could. "Oh, no you don�t you little fucker." I aimed my gun at him and fired. And fired. And fired. Until my gun was empty and his back was full of my bullets.

On the ground I could see a red heap of Mountie trying to get up and failing. I ran to him and told him stay there and stay still as fumbled for my cell to call the paramedics with the words no cop ever wants to say: "Officer down"

"Ray?"

"Right here buddy."

"Ray, how strange is it when you�ve actually become used to the feel of your own blood leaking out of you?" This very morbid question was accompanied by a pained smile as he tried to lighten the mood. Needless to say, it didn�t work.

"Yeah, well, if I have anything to say about it, you won�t get used to it, because you will never get shot again."

"Thank you, Ray" Fraser�s breathing became shallow and faint. I could hear the ambulance in the background and begged them to hurry.

In my own head the only thing that registered where the words �officer down� as Welsh came and pulled me away to let the paramedics do their job and rush him to the hospital.

I never thought I could feel so low; oh darkness I feel like letting go.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 3

It�s not serious, well, not life threatening at any rate. But I�m sure it hurts like hell. The doctor�s don�t want him to come back any time s so so they�re making him stay for a week. They don�t trust him not to take it easy, and I agree with them. Within an hour, he would be chasing down some purse-snatcher, putting some heavy-duty strain on his shoulder. The bullet went right through, but it made a hell of a mess on its path to freedom.

I�m on suspension pending a psyche test to see if I�m nuts or not for killing that asshole. No doubt I�ll get a lecture from Mr. Supermountie himself on �rash and impulsive actions that could possibly lead to the harm of yourself or others�. Like I give a fuck, he hurt Fraser. Everyone is worried about him, Frannie�s bawling her eyes out, Welsh is really silent, and I have that line running around in my head �oh darkness I feel like letting go�. I feel like joining Frannie in her bawl fest.

If I could, I swear I�d kick myself in the head, and but, and balls, all at the same time! Or maybe not, my nuts are retreating into my body at warp speed just at the thought of doing that.

If I can�t convince Fraser to tell me what�s going on, I swear I will drag him to a shrink, park his but on a chair, and bully him into telling them what�s going on. And then I�ll interrogate the shrink until they tell me what�s going on with him. Sounds fair, don�t ya think?

"Ray." A hoarse croak came from the bed and my tired body jackknifed into awareness with the speed only pure adrenaline could manage on the truly tired.

"Frase! How are you buddy? Sore? Tired? Thirsty? What?"

"All of thee above. Ray, what are you doing here? What happened?"

"You were shot on the shoulder. You are to stay in that bed until the Doc says it�s okay for you to move, and Frase, if you try to get up without her permission, I will personally fetch Nurse Ratchet to tie you to that bed where she will spoon feed you hospital food, sponge bath you, and generally watch you like a hawk all the time." That seemed to be an effective threat as I watched Ben�s eyes widen and his face pale.

"That�s right, the same yoe you had last time you were here, and believe you me, she remembers you, and is rubbing her hands in anticipation, just waiting for you to misbehave.

"You wouldn�t," Ben whispered in horror, fear and disbelief warring for dominance on his face, "Not to me? Not to your friend?"

"Better believe it, BentonBuddy."

He stayed. In fact, he was the perfect patient. But I was still worried about him, and Welsh was beginning to look at me as if I were the most dense guy in the world. I just couldn�t figure out why.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 4

And so it begins again. He made a full recovery, physically at least. I�m still worried about him. So much for being a detective. I can�t even pry what�s wrong out of him. Every time I do just come out and ask (all of one time) what the fucks the matter with him, he says nothing. Nothing. Yeah, right. I have picked up the phone to call a shrink, but every time I do, I can just see the anger and betrayal that will be in his eyes when I tell him. I just put the phone down.

I followed him again, to the same spot, only this time without Welsh with me. I wouldn�t be surprised to find him here anyway. Fraser began with the usual song and again added another one. I didn�t even know he knew Savage Garden existed.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I didn�t exactly grow up in the city, and there are few songs that can describe how I feel in such a large city, but some of these verses come pretty close. So here it is, The Animal Song by Savage Garden

When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head

And television freak show cops and robbers everywhere

Subway makes me nervous, people pushing me too far

I've got to break away

So take my hand now

Cause I want to live like animals

Careless and free like animals

I want to live

I want to run through the jungle

The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet

I don't have any difficulties keeping to myself

Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf

Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie

Which one is more human

There's a thought, now you decide

Compassion in the jungle

Compassion in your hands, yeah

Would you like to make a run for it

Would you like to take my hand, yeah

Cause I want to live like animals

Careless and free like animals

I want to live

I want to run through the jungle

The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet

Sometimes this life can get you down

It's so confusing

There's so many rules to follow

And I feel it

Cause I just run away in my mind

When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head

Television freak show cops and robbers everywhere

Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie

Which one is more human

There's a thought, now you decide

Compassion in the jungle

Compassion in your hands, yeah

Would you like to make a run for it

Would you like to take my hand, yeah, yeah

Cause I want to live like animals

Careless and free like animals

I want to live

I want to run through the jungle

The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet

I want to live like animals

Careless and free like animals

I want to live

I want to run through the jungle

The wind in my hair

I want to live

And I want to live

I want to live like animals

I want to live like animals

like animals

like animals

Well, he was making progress. At least this song had an upbeat sound to it, and maybe the lyrics weren�t as depressing. But something was still wrong with him. I was going to find out what it was if it killed me. Or him. Which ever came first.
"Ok, Frase, you are not leaving here until you tell me what the fuck is going on." Here being my apartment where we generally had pizza or Chinese after a case was closed.

"Language, Ray, and I have no idea what you mean."

"Like hell, that song you sang a couple days ago and I quote:

�When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head

And television freak show cops and robbers everywhere

Subway makes me nervous, people pushing me too far

I've got to break away

So take my hand now�

I don't have any difficulties keeping to myself

Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf

Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie

Which one is more human

There's a thought, now you decide�"

"You still wanna tell me there�s nothin� wrong? I won�t believe ya." Frase had gotten very pale, well, more then usual, and he looked like he was gonna hurl. "You followed me?"

"Fraser, I followed you a couple of times, onc,e a couple of days before YOU GOT SHOT! You still in denial? You and I got the next couple of days off; I can wait as long as you can. Even longer." I ignored the sceptical look he shot me and said "Go ahead, try me."

He paused, looking like he was deciding what to do, trying to find a way out, when he says "All right. You sure you want to know? Think about it carefully Ray. This will change both of our lives. For better of worse is up to you." I didn�t even have to think about it. "Shoot." I almost winced at my unfortunate choice of words, but shrugged it off.

"I�m in love with you."

In the words of Benton Fraser, oh dear.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 5

Oh dear. What an understatement. In love? With me? Why? After that late night discussion we had (in which Fraser told me he loved me) I kinda thought that he would avoid me. I know I would. But this is Fraser we�re talkin� about. He just came into the precinct the next day, completely unruffled, as if telling his best friend he loved him happened every day. I knew it was going to drive me nuts.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

After he had made that very startling statement Fraser just stared at me for a minute and with a short abrupt nod, which seemed to say he accepted and had even expected me reaction, stood up, tugged at his tunic in that way he had and said "Goodnight Ray, I�ll see you tomorrow." I could do nothing but stare helplessly as he walked out the door, trying to convince my jaw that it really would like to go back to it�s natural spot, and that it really wasn�t necessary to hand there in lax amazement.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

You would think after I told him that I had occasionally followed to the club he goes into to sing, that he would be a little more careful about going and who might be following him. But no. Not Benton Fraser. He just walked in, easy as you please and got a bottled water. To give him a little credit, maybe he thought that now that I knew what was going on, I would have no reason to follow him. Wrong.
Now I was even more curious. Again they followed the same procedure of introducing everyone to the audience, followed by same polite applause, and the same wild applause when Frase� got up. "Everyone knows I always do the same song when I come up here. Tonight I thought I would try something else. It is a very well known song called "Even Angels Fall" by a very talented artist, Jessica Riddle. It relates almost perfectly to me, but I don�t know how well it will sound with only a guitar, so please try to bear with me." The audience smiled at that, as they knew that they would love what ever came out of that mouth and guitar.
You found hope, you found faith.

Found how fast she could take it away.

Found true love, but lost your heart.

Now you don't know who you are.

She made it easy, made it free.

Made you hurt till you couldn't see.

Sometimes it stops, sometimes it flows.

But baby, that is how love goes.

You will fly and you will crawl.

God knows even angels fall.

No such thing as you've lost it all.

God knows even angels fall.

It's a secret, that no one tells.

One day it's heaven one day it's hell.

And it's no fairy tale, take it from me.

That's the way it's supposed to be.

You will fly and you will crawl.

God knows even angels fall.

No such thing as you've lost it all.

God knows even angels fall.

You laugh, you cry, no one knows why,

But oh, the thrill of it all.

You're on the ride,

You might as well, open your eyes.

You will fly and you will crawl.

God knows even angels fall.

No such thing as you've lost it all.

God knows even angels fall.

Even angels fall.

Even angels fall.
Yeah, it did fit him. Change all the �she�s in there to �he�s and your all set. It fit him too come to think of it, what with The Stella and all.

Now Welsh�s comment in his office made sense. Oh my God, Welsh figured it out before I did. How weird is that? I mean, I�m the one who�s supposed to know him so well, not my boss for fuck sake.

Me and Fraser gotta have another talk.

Hopefully, this one won�t almost put me into shock.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 6

Okay, so he�s avoiding me. I can deal with that. I�d told him that we needed to talk about something, and wouldn�t you know it, the minute I say that, he turns into the stereotypical male he�s never been and pulls a vanishing act on me. What great timing he and I have. At least I�m not in shock. Well, maybe still a little bit.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
This guy just doesn�t learn. I�ve told him I followed him, I�ve told him we need to talk, and still the guy goes to the club with that damned sexy guitar of his. Oh, well, it makes my job of hunting him down and cornering him that much easier. Yet again (don�t these people ever get tired of this routine, I know I am) the announcer get up, introduces a few people, then the fun really starts when Ben steps up. I swear the guy must have a huge fan club goin�, the place is packed, and everyone is cheering. And I do mean everyone. Including me.

" Hello, everyone. I�d like to start with a different song this time. The artist is Jordan Hill and the song is named �Remember Me This Way�.

Every now and then

We find a special friend

Who never lets us down

Who understands it all

Reaches out each time you fall

You're the best friend that I've found"

Why thank you Frase. Right back at ya.

"I know you can't stay

A part of you will never ever go away

Your heart will stay"

What the fuck? Can�t stay? What�s up with that?

"I'll make a wish for you

And hope it will come true

That life would just be kind

To such a gentle mind

If you lose your way

Think back on yesterday

Remember me this way

Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see

The love you bring to me

No matter where I go

And I know that you'll be there

Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere

I'll always care"
Ah, Frase, I didn�t know you cared. Okay, I did, but that�s just beautiful. Go on, keep going.

"And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you

I'll be standing by your side and all you do

And I won't ever leave

As long as you believe

You just believe"
Well that�s kinda creepy, but I can live with that. Behind my shoulder, huh?

"I'll make a wish for you

And hope it will come true

That life would just be kind

To such a gentle mind

If you lose your way

Think back on yesterday

Remember me this way

Remember me this way"
Okay, that tears it. We will talk. Now.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
"Ouch! Ray, could you let go of my ear now, it feels like it�s about fall off."

"What, oh sorry Frase. What was with that song? Me leaving? Do you know something that I don�t?"

"What? Oh, no Ray. It�s just that I didn�t think you would want to stick around now that you know."

"Not want to- of all the dumb things to come out of your mouth, this takes the cake! Fraser, you�re my best friend! The first day I met you, I took a bullet for you. I put up with your stories, your weird cases, hell, I even like that donut-stealing wolf of yours! I-" Oh shit. Oh, fucking hell. Is that why I did all of those things? No, it can�t be. I mean, I like Fraser; hell, I love the guy, but that way?

Well, hell. You know, that clears up a whole hell of a lot things. Including why Stella�s been givin� me those funny looks.

"Ray? Ray, are you all right?"

"What? Oh, I�m fine. But I gotta tell you something." Since when have not blurted out everything that was in my head? Why stop now? "Fraser, I love you. Not symbolically or nothin�, but really in love with you."

"�"

"Frase, you in there?"

"What did you say?"

"I said, �are you in there?�"

"No, before that."

"I said, and I quote: �I love you�."

"That�s what I thought you said. I thought you respected me more than that Ray"

"Huh? Come again?"

"As much as I would love to here those words for real, I don�t need you�re pity Ray."

Fuck.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
I was later to learn that Fraser had done the unthinkable. He had told a lie.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Again he avoided me, again I followed him, and again the (now) almost comforting ritual took place.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, today I am only going to do one song. Here it is. It�s by Nelly Furtado and it�s called �I'm Like A Bird�

You're beautiful, that's for sure

You'll never ever fade

You're lovely, but it's not for sure

That I won't ever change

And though my love is rare

Though my love is true

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away

I don't know where my soul is

I don't know where my home is

(And baby all I need for you to know is)

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away

I don't know where my soul is

I don't know where my home is

(And baby all I need for you to know is)

Your faith in me brings me to tears

Even after all these years

And it pains me so much to tell

That you don't know me that well

And though my love is rarR>
R>
Though my love is true

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away

I don't know where my soul is

I don't know where my home is

(And baby all I need for you to know is)

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away

I don't know where my soul is

I don't know where my home is

(And baby all I need for you to know is)

It's not that I wanna say goodbye

It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me

Each and every single day I know

I'm going to have to eventually give you away

And though my love is rare

And though my love is true

Hey I'm just scared

That we may fall through

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away

I don't know where my soul is

I don't know where my home is

(And baby all I need for you to know is)

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away

I don't know where my soul is

I don't know where my home is

(And baby all I need for you to know is)

(repeat x 3)
Every time you try to tell me that you love me/Each and every single day I know/I'm going to have to eventually give you away/And though my love is rare/And though my love is true/Hey I'm just scared/That we may fall through.

Fuck this shit. Fraser lied to me! Me!

"Fraser! You lied to me! You told me you didn�t believe me when I told you I loved you, and here I am hearing these lyrics that tell me you, sir, are a fucking liar!"

"Ray! Oh, dear."

"No shit, Sherlock"
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Lonely No More