The dark Night of the Soul | By : Bigmama1969 Category: 1 through F > Due South Views: 1328 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Due South, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
The dark man turned
around and Ben could see his face. He cried out in horror, when he looked into
his own face. With a grim smile the dark man raised his hand high above his
head and Ben saw the long, jagged blade of a knife. When he heard his friend's
cries for help, he tried to struggle free from the ropes that held him, but
with every move he made, those ropes only drew tighter around him. Ben watched
with horror, as the dark man thrust the knife into Ray's body and sliced out
the heart. Ben started to scream.
" Ray!!!"
Fraser woke up to
hear his cry echoing over the empty cemetery. Within seconds Diefenbaker was by
his side and licked away the tears from his cheeks. Day was dawning over
Chicago and Ben sat on a bench close to his friend's and lover's grave, hugging
himself to stop the shivering.
Every night for the
last two months he'd had these dreams, reviving that horrific night his best
friend had died. Only that in his dreams he was the one who held the knife.
Ben started crying
again, rocking back and forwards to ease the pain. The wolf at his feet let out
a sympathetic whine.
" I can't take
it any longer, Dief. Those dreams will never go away, I know it. Today is the
day, I don't want to live any more." Weary he got to his feet and walked
over to Ray's grave. Kneeling down beside it, he pressed his forehead to the
cold stone and closed his eyes. His hands stroked the smooth surface of the
marble as he softly whispered:" It won't be much longer and we'll be together
again, Ray. I have my father's gun in my pocket. It's the only thing I took
with me when I left the apartment two weeks ago. It won't be long now,
Dear!"
Ben didn't hear the
steps that approached him. He let out a startled cry when a hand lightly
touched his shoulder.
" Benton?"
With some effort he
came to his feet and turned around. As he saw who it was, he tried to
straighten his clothes and his hair. But he tried in vain, as his jeans and
shirt were torn and dirty and his hair hadn't been combed or washed in weeks.
" Mrs. Vecchio.
What are you doing here?"
The woman eyed him
full of concern.
" I was up early and decided to go and
visit my Raymondo. Benton, have you been sleeping here on the cemetery?"
Fraser looked at the
bench as he nodded, ashamed.
Mrs. Vecchio went
over to the bench and sat down. With her hand she patted at the seat beside
her.
" Come here and sit down, Benton. I
think we have to talk."
Obediently Ben walked
over and sat beside his friend's mother.
"You know I like
you, Benton. You've made my Raymondo very happy. And he loved you with all his
heart. You know that, don't you?"
Ben nodded and closed
his eyes in pain, as the name of his lover brought back bittersweet memories.
" We were afraid
you had killed yourself when you vanished two weeks ago. I called the embassy,
but they only knew that you had resigned from the RCMP. Then I called Lt. Walsh
and reported you missing. He has his men out to look for you. You have friends
that care for you, Benton. Don't give yourself up."
For the fist time
Fraser lifted his head and looked at the woman beside him, tears running over
his cheeks. His voice was low and exhausted as he answered:" I don't want
to live any longer! Please, let me alone so I can do what has to be done."
Mrs. Vecchio shook her head. " No, I can't allow
that. And there is no reason for killing yourself. You didn't kill my Raymondo,
you didn't hold the knife."
Very upset Fraser got to his feet.
"
No!", he shouted. " I did it. Every night in my dreams I see it again
and again. I can see myself slicing out his heart!"
He drew the
pistol from his pocket and put it against his head.
" I don't
want to see that anymore and there's only one way to stop it."
The elder woman rose to her feet and stretched out one
hand. Her voice was clear and commanding.
" Now
stop that, Benton. Give me the weapon! What would your Ray think if he saw you
like this? He would be very sad. Do you want to make him sad?"
Slowly Ben shook his head. No, never that! Obediently
he handed the gun over to Mrs. Vecchio, who put it safely away in her large
handbag.
Feeling very sad and exhausted, Fraser sat down again.
The Italian woman sat down beside him and put a hand
on his shoulder.
" You've been sleeping outside far too long,
Benton. It's been getting colder and colder every day. Come home with me. We
would be very happy if you stayed with us."
Ben flinched away from her. " No, I can't do
that. I can't..."
Ben had to stop speaking, as a cough shook his body.
" That's it! You
need something to eat, a hot shower and a warm bed. You're coming with me, and
there's no discussion about that."
Ben couldn't resist his lover's mother. He
surrendered and nodded his assent.
* * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Ben felt a bit better when he came out of the shower,
wearing Tony's bath robe. He had spent a long time under the shower, feeling
the hot water carry away the tension in his muscles. Then he'd shaved off his
filthy beard and even tried to trim his hair. He had already eaten a hearty
meal and now Mrs. Vecchio had ordered him to go to bed and sleep. But to do so,
he would have to go into the bedroom, into Ray's bedroom, to be precise.
Slowly he
walked the few steps to the open door and looked in. Nothing had changed since
he last was here. Hesitantly he stepped in and then just stood there, his eyes
closed and all his other senses high. He could hear the bells of St. Michael
strike the hour of day and he heard the faint noise of Mrs. Vecchio doing her
housework. He felt the warmth of the sunlight flowing through the window upon
his skin and then he smelt something. He couldn't believe it at first, it had
been too long since...
He took another deep breath. Yes! It was faint, but it
was clearly the scent of Ray's after-shave. The one he'd bought for him,
because he'd loved the smell of it on Ray's skin.
Suddenly Ben knew that Ray was with him, here in his
own room. He felt secure and for the first time since Ray's death he was able
to smile. Yes, he knew that he could sleep safe and soundly here, in the
presence of his lover, who would watch over him and keep him from any harm.
Very tired and exhausted Fraser went over to the bed
and slipped underneath the cool blanket. Before he fell asleep, he thought
about the many times he and Ray had made love to each other in this bed.
Ben slept deep and
long, and when dreams finally came, they were good and sweet, pictures from a
time full of love and joy.
* * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * *
They had been out the whole night, trying to catch a
killer who seemed to hate homosexuals. When they had finally found and cornered
him, Benny had a hard time tld Rld Ray back from beating the shit out of him.
And now they lay in Ray's large bed, far too exhausted
to make love, but enjoying the warmth and closeness of the loved partner. Ben
lay spooned up behind Ray, one hand around his body and his hand stroking
lightly through the fine hair on Ray's chest.
After some time, when he thought Ray had gone to
sleep, he heard his partner's low voice.
" Will it always be like this, Benny?"
Ray shifted in Ben's arms to look at his face and saw
the bright blue eyes stare down at him quizzically.
" What do you mean?"
" I mean us. And I mean that fucking bastard. He
hates us just because we love each other."
A painful
expression crossed Vecchio's face.
" And he's
not alone. Lots of people do."
Ben closed his eyes. They'd been through this a few
times before. Living as a gay couple wasn't easy, to none of them, but Ray took
it much harder than Benny, who had lived like an outsider most of his live.
" It hurts so much. Every time you receive these
hateful looks, Ray, or someone calls you a cocksucker, it hurts like hell.
Sometimes I think, you would be better off without me, leading a
"straight" live. I've dragged you down and exposed you to all this filth."
Ray shook his head violently.
" No, you
didn't drag me down. You lifted me up!"
To emphasise
his words, Ray lifted his head and kissed his friend thoroughly. He felt the
exhaustion fall away from him and arousal took possession of his body. When
they broke the kiss, the American let one hand slip underneath the covers and
gently started rubbing his lover's growing arousal.
When he heard a soft moan escaping Fraser's mouth, he
looked up and smiled wickedly. " I wouldn't trade you in for a woman,
Benny, because, you know, that guy was right. I am a cocksucker. I just love to
suck your cock."
With these words he began to kiss his way down Ben's
chest and belly, only to stop when he felt the hot hardness of Fraser's
erection at his cheek. With the tip of his tongue he followed the route of the
large vein, then circled the tip of the cock and tasted a first drop of lust.
Ben reached out for
Ray's head, holding him and then he slid his aching cock deep into his lover's
mouth. He was totally lost in the pleasure of Ray's quick tongue and
experienced mouth. When he felt his orgasm come, Ben gripped his lover's head
harder and thrust into him, exploding and crying out Ray's name.
*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Ben woke up as the orgasm ripped through his body. For
a while he just lay there, panting and feeling the sticky fluid on his skin and
the blanket. When he got up to clean himself, he suddenly realised that the
room was dark. He reached out to switch the light on, when he heard a faint
whisper. Fraser held his breath and stared into the darkness. There was nothing
there. Then he heard it again, and he heard that insane laughter he had hoped
never to hear again. Suddenly he could see it all before him again. There was
Michael, clad all in black, with a whip in his hand, and there was Ray,
strapped to an altar, fear in his eyes.
Shocked by this fearful vision, Ben stumbled back
until he hit the wall. There he slid down to the ground, drawing his knees up
to his chin and hugging them. Fraser closed his eyes, wished for the visions to
go away, but they didn't and in a flash everything came back to him.
" No! If you have to kill someone, then kill me
and leave Ray alone."
The dark man turned around and looked at Ben.
" You
want to die for your friend? I might be willing to do that, but not before I've
had my way with you."
He stepped to
the bleeding man lying on the ground. He kicked him lightly in the belly, his
voice was icy as he spoke:" Get up, boy, and strip!"
With some effort Ben staggered to his feet and began
to remove his clothes, his naked skin burning under Michael's gaze.
When he was finally naked, he stood there, his hands
hanging limply down at his sides and not daring to look at his tormentor.
" Good! Now kneel down and open your mouth, so I
can choke you with my flesh."
Ben shuddered in disgust, but he did as he was
commanded, because his lover's live was worth everything.
Michael stepped closer, thrusting his big, hard cock
up to his balls into Ben's mouth. His fingers clawed at the thick black hair as
he fucked Fraser's mouth. Suddenly he drew away and Ben felt hot semen pouring
over his chest, into his wound and mixing with his blood. He swayed on his
knees and gasped for air. The dark man reached out and ran a finger over Ben's
chest. When he drew it away, it was covered with blood and semen. Slowly he put
it to his mouth and licked. Then he thrust his finger into Ben's mouth, who
tasted the salty flavours of Michael's semen and his own blood.
none;text-autospace:none'>Ben popped his eyes open and found himself in Ray's
dark bedroom in the Vecchio house. He knew that he couldn't spend one more
minute in this house. Quickly he got up and reached to the door, pulling it
open hecticly. He nearly stumbled over Diefenbaker, but he didn't seem to
notice. Only wearing the bath robe, he ran down the stairs and out of the
house, off into the dark night.
Ben didn't know where to run to, he just ran and ran, his
bare feet pounding the ground and the white robe flying behind him, the air
cooling his hot skin.
In a dark alley he finally stopped to get some breath.
He closed his eyes, feeling the pain in his chest. When he opened his eyes
again, he found himself surrounded by four filthy and grim looking men.
Fraser didn't move, didn't try to protect himself. He
just let them have their way as their hands tore at his hair and skin.
He simply waited for oblivion to come and take away
the pain. When it finally came, he let himself fall into the
blackness..........
* * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
" Son!"
Ben knew this voice.
" Open your eyes, son."
Slowly Ben opened his eyes and saw his father's
concerned face. He frowned and then asked:" Am I dead?"
Fraser Sr. shook his head.
" Don't
be stupid, Benton. Does it look like heaven here? You're in hospital."
Ben looked around and found himself lying in a
hospital room.
" Oh, I see. I just thought...Anyway, how am I
supposed to know how it looks like in heaven? After all, you're the one who's
dead. Even though I sometimes doubt that it's very nice there, or you wouldn't
come pestering me all the time. Now leave me alone!"
" You can come with me, son."
" So I'm going to die, yes?"
" Only if you don't hold on to your life. Do you
want to die, Ben?"
Ben closed his
eyes and sighed.
" I don't
know anything I would want to keep on living for. And I want to see Ray
again."
When Fraser opened his eyes again, his father was gone
and Ray sat at his bed, smiling the smile Ben had fallen in love with a long
time ago.
" Hey, Benny!"
Ben's heart nearly stopped. He'd thought, he would
never again hear that voice.
" Ray, what...how...?"
" What I'm doing here? Well, it looks like some
of the guys up there wanted me to come down and make sure to put a bit of sense
into you.”
Lovingly Ray looked down at his friend, took his hand
and kissed it. Ben couldn't believe it. He reached out and touched the warm
skin that was so familiar to him. He gripped Ray's hand hard and clung to it.
" Benny, I've been watching you and you really
worried me."
As tears started to run down his cheeks, Ben turned
his head away. Ray gripped his chin and forced him to look at him again.
" Now, look at me, Benny, and tell me why you
want to die."
" I don't deserve to live. I killed you,
Ray."
Ray shook his head.
" No, you
didn't. Michael did."
" But I didn't help you. I didn't do
anything."
" That's not true, Benny. You offered your own
life to save mine. You know that quotation from the bible: The greatest love a
person can have is to give his life for his friends."
" I love you, Ray. I can't stand living without
you."
" I know and I miss you, too. But it's not your
time yet. There's still so much you have to do. Now, promise me, that you won't
try to kill yourself and that you don't blame yourself any longer. Promise
me!"
Ben looked into Ray's eyes and quietly said:" I
promise you, Ray." Ray smiled and then bent down and tenderly kissed his
friend.
" I have to go now, Benny, but there's still one
question: how's my Riv?"
Ben smiled.
" It's
standing in the garage and your mum looks after it. Nobody's allowed to go near
it."
" Good! You
know, they don't have cars up there. I don't know why. Good bye now, Benny. And
never forget, that I'll always love you."
" Good bye, Ray, I love you."
* * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
The autumn sun shone warm on the nicely coloured trees
at the cemetery. Ben, in his RCMP uniform again, walked steady to his friend's
grave. When he reached it, he knelt down in front of it and said a silent prayer.
Then he kissed the single red rose in his hand and placed it on the gravestone.
" I'm going back to Canada, Ray. I've got my job
back and now they want me as an instructor for all these new and eager
Mounties. Believe it or not, but I will miss Chicago. All the friends and your
family. I'm sure Dief will miss the junk-food most. I won't be able to come and
visit you that often anymore, but I really don't need that grave to remind me
of you. You'll be always in my heart. I love you, Ray."
Briefly Fraser touched the cold stone, then he stood
up and walked away into the setting sun.
Okay, I know, there’s something missing. I only hinted
at the middle part but never actually wrote it.
I wrote “Master and Servant” when I felt a depression
bearing down on me and this story when I was in the middle of said depression.
After that, I never again got depressed enough to write the missing part.
Anyone who thinks he/she could do it- feel free. Just let me read it first.
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