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Bitter	By : kattanon Category: S through Z > The Shield Views: 1010 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Shield, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Bitter
- 1
Title: - Bitter.
Author: - Katt
E-mail: - kattanon@hotmail.com

Rating: - R
Warnings: - Some mention of oral rape.
Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know.
Archived: - Archived at the Shield Fanfiction Archive.
Disclaimers: - I don�t own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX.
Author�s Notes: - An episode tag for "Posse Up" and a birthday fic for Whipper, cause I know how fond she is of episode tags.

Bitter.
It didn�t seem to matter how often he brushed his teeth. Brushing and brushing until his gums bled. Toothbrush rasping over his tongue making him urge. It didn�t seem matter how much mouthwash he swirled around his mouth, spitting it out before taking another mouthful. It didn�t seem to matter how many Tic-Tacs he ate. The taste was still there. The feel of it in his mouth, slick, slimy poison. Bitter and salty insinuating itself into his taste buds, not allowing him to taste anything else. Every so often his tongue would flick out over his lips. Revolted by that taste, subconsciously trying to rid himself of it.
Somehow he had to carry on. He had to behave normally. He couldn�t let anyone wonder, let anyone guess. The hurt, the shame, the bitterness all taken and pressed deep down inside. He had to appear business-like, in control. Here surrounded by detectives, people who�s job it was to search out liars, to study behaviour. Here he had to be extra careful, extra vigilant, never let his guard down.
Having to argue with Dutch and Claudette. This damn cuddler rapist case. It struck too close to home. David didn�t want to think about the victims. He didn�t want to include himself as a victim too. They had to go public, why couldn�t Dutch and Claudette see that � "Potential rape victims need to know the threat, and they need to know it now." They hadn�t agreed, but he knew�he knew only too well. You thought you were safou wou were in control, but suddenly all that was ripped away from you. All your power, all your surety of self was taken away from you. This sick animal was out there, prowling, stalking his victims and they needed to be warned so they could try to protect themselves. They needed to be wary. It could happen to anyone, had happened�
Then there�d been the question of who should give the press conference. He couldn�t do it. What if "he" was watching somewhere? He�d recognize him, know his name, with that he could find him, find his family. He could come back, demand more, threaten Aurora. Jesus, David squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to calm his breathing. Slowly getting a grip on his emotions. He wouldn�t let that happen, he�d keep them safe.
Thinking of Aurora and Sofia brought the memory of them in his office to the forefront of his mind. Aurora searching for answers to his strange behaviour, answers he couldn�t give her. She�d reached out and touched him. He�d felt himself tense at that touch. A touch he used to crave, to desire; now it made his skin crawl. did didn�t want anyone to touch him. Not only for him, but for them too. He was contaminated, that animal�s poison deep inside him. How could he allow someone as beautiful and clean as Aurora, and God forbid Sofia, touch him.
Then the tape from that sick bastard had been sent to that reporter. God, David was so tired he couldn�t even remember her name, not that it mattered, not that he cared. To her the cuddler rapist was just a job, just a story. Then again why shouldn�t she think that way, after all she didn�t have to deal with the victims. She didn�t have to go to their homes, listen to their stories, see their shame. See yourself reflected in their eyes.
Exhaustion making his eyes sting David closed them for a moment that insidious voice from the tape echoing around his head, conversation playing itself out, he preferred to hear trathrather than another voice,

"�. no one there except you, me and him."

The reporter�s voice, "You mean Detective Wagenbach."

"He needs to apologize."

David could remember a spike of fear had gone through him at those words, at that cold tone. Dutch�s taunt that the rapist was impotent had flushed him out, angered him. Had it left the pervert with something to prove? What would happen if he got Dutch on his own? Things could go wrong when there was no back up, no protection. If something happened ttch tch at that sicko�s hands he�d never forgive himself. He�d never wish that kind of ordeal on anyone, it was his job to protect him, make sure that bastard never got the chance to hurt him.

"I�m putting one of my men in with the camera."

That prissy officious bitch wouldn�t allow that, and he couldn�t afford to lose her as a potential source of tips so he�d been forced to come up with something else.

"I want at least two guys in close proximity. Three back up teams with radio contact and everyone�s wearing a vest or you get no video."

Dutch had looked and sounded so insulted,

"I can handle it."

David had wanted to shout at him, ask Dutch what he thought would happen if he was wrong. He�d thought that he could handle it too. Look what that overconfidence had gotten him.
There�d been no meeting, no danger. David was disappointed that they�d missed a chance to get the rapist before he struck again, but he was relieved too. Relieved that no on had been hurt. Maybe the rapist had never intended to turn up, maybe he�d been scared off by the police presence that had been so strong that it really hadn�t been very well hidden. Either way David had kept one of his officers safe. He didn�t have that burden on his conscience. He had enough evil swirling around inside his head he didn�t need anymore.

God he needed to pull himself together. He couldn�t carry on like this. He had to go home sometime. He couldn�t over-react to situations, try to keep everyone safe, everyone protected all of the time. People were already beginning to notice something was wrong. Claudette, even Nina, had questioned him. eedeeeded to get over it, to put it behind him. First however he needed to remove the danger. He couldn�t rest; he couldn�t recover until he�d found that evil bastard. With a weary sigh David looked back down at the book in front of him, "Hispanic Adult Males Mugshots". He was half way through and he just had to force himself to carry on looking. Another hour and he�d be finished. Then he�d try and grab what rest he could here is ofs office. He wasn�t ready to go home yet. He needed to perfect his pretense of normality first. Make sure his mask of invulnerable masculinity was firmly in place. Make sure that the memories of kneeling on the hard floor with that putrid flesh raping his mouth were buried.
His stomach rolling David knew the signs and hoped he�d make it to the bathroom in time before his body once more tried to expel the bitter poison that had infected it.
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Bitter