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Tha Birds an tha Bees an' All That Othah Good Shit	By : Scribe Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 2605 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title Tha Birds, an' Tha Bees, an' All That Othah Good Shit
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Xena
Summary: Strife is pregnant, and he is NOT a happy camper. Month by month.
Rating: Fan rated adults only
Pairings: Cupid/Strife, Ares/Joxer
Characters: Cupid, Strife, Ares, Joxer, Bliss, other minor Xena characters
Betas: None
Notes: Sequal to Cupid's Little Helper, Part of the Love and Mischief Series
Disclaimer: I did not create, and do not own the rights to, the recognizable media characters that appear in this story.
I have no legal or bindingagreement with the creators, or owners.
I do not seek, and would not accept,profit from this fiction.
I have nothing but affection and respect for the creators, and the actors and actresses who portrayed these characters.
This story is in no way meant to reflect on the actual lives or life styles of the actors and actresses who portrayed the characters
All original characters are copyrighted by the author. Do NOT use without specific permission

Tha Birds, an' Tha Bees, an' All That Othah Good Shit
Month One: Tha Joys of Mornin Sickness

"Maybe a little dry toast would help?"

I sat up, coverin my mouth. When I was pretty sure (
couldn't be one hundred percent sure these days) that
I wasn't gonna spew I said, "Cupe, I love ya, but get
that away from me before I paste ya."

He looked kinda hurt. Well, yeah, it's rough
when yer spouse of less than a month threatens ta
smash ya, 'specially when yer just tryin ta be
considerate. I gave him a hug. "Sorry, babe. I'm
kinda touchy right now. A week of upchuckin a coupla
times an hour will do that to ya." I pointed at tha
slice of toast he was holdin. "But seriously, lose
that if ya don't wanna hafta clean tha sheets for a
very unsexy reason."

Tha toast disappeahed, replaced by a cloth. "Lie back
down." Hey, that's an ordah I'll nevah disobey, comin
from Cupe. I stretched back out an' closed my eyes as
he folded tha cloth. He wiped my face gently, then
laid tha cloth across my forehead. It was cool an'
damp, an' it helped. Tha queasiness started ta
recede, an' I sighed. "Better, babe?" he murmured.

"Yah, thanks, Cupe."

"Are you going to see Asclepius, or do I drag your
sexy butt over there?"

I thought about sayin that it was my sexy butt that
had gotten me inta this situation, but I didn't.
Yeah, that's right--tha King of Smart Ass passed up
tha chance ta make a snark. Love will do that to ya.
Cupid was a little worried about how I was takin this
pregnancy, an' I didn't want him ta evah think I had
any doubt about wantin ta have his kid. I wanted this
baby with everythin I had--I just wasn't too crazy
about tha side effects.

"Yeah, okay," I said. He gave me a suspicious look.
I don't do meek too good unless I'm undah threat of
immediate violence. I added, "Ya dope." He looked
relieved.

"Daddy!!"

Hey, we love tha sound of that voice, but we still
flinched. Bliss shot through tha door like a little
gold arrow, headed straight toward us. He was wearin
nothin but a little sleepwrap around his middle
(somehow Cupe had convinced him ta give up
streakin--mosta tha time). He was all chubby an'
pink, with yella curls an' snowy little wings. I
think Bliss is how some of tha mortals got ta picturin
Cupe like that. *snort* Different sorta baby, lemme
tell ya.

Bliss skidded up nexta tha bed an' started bouncin up
an' down, his wings vibratin with eagerness. "Can I?"

Cupe looked at me. I nodded, then scooted ovah an
patted tha mattress. "C'mon, ya monstah." While he
was clamberin up ovah Cupid, I thought on a pair of
pants. Bliss settled between us. He looked at me
questioninly, his hand movin toward my middle. "G'head, kiddo." He gave me a sweet
smile, then slid down, threw one plump arm across me,
an' settled his smooth baby cheek against my belly.
He closed his eyes, an' got that 'listenin' look.

Cupe an' I exchanged looks ovah him. Bliss was wunna
tha reasons I'd gone ahead an' taken tha final step
with Cupid. I nevah had a dad, ya know, an' I hadn't
seen too many examples of parent/kid closeness,
eithah. But seein Cupid with Bliss... I wanted that.
Now I was 'Daddy Stwife', an' it was possibly tha
coolest thing in tha world. But I was about ta get
tha parentin experience on a whole new level.

I stroked Bliss's curls. "So, how's tha lump doin?"

"Fine." Bliss sat up an' petted my tummy, then held
up his thumb. "Lump is this big now."

"Yah? Lump tell ya yet whethah he's a boy or a girl?"

Bliss shook his head. "I don't think Lump knows what
boy or girl means." He giggled. "Silly ol' Lump!
Should I tell him?"

"Zeus, no, kid! Don't start educatin Lump already."

Cupid picked up Bliss an' set him on tha floor.
Pattin his bottom, he said, "Go get some breakfast,
hon." Bliss trotted ovah ta tha table. While he was
climbin up, Cupid set it with fruit, bread, an' milk.
I quickly added a pot of honey an' a small spice cake.
When Cupid frowned, I removed tha cake. "All right,
but he gets one for a snack latah, huh?"

He pulled me ovah ta snuggle undah his arm. "This
baby is going to be spoiled rotten."

"Duh? I'm tha God of Mischief--why would I not want a
spoiled child?"

We just laid there for a few minutes, watchin Bliss
stuff his face an' just enjoyin bein tagethah. I
still wasn't used ta this--feelin peaceful. It was
nice.

I was thinkin about visitin Joxer. His an' Ares's baby was a
coupla weeks old now, an' Unc had announced that
visitors were now welcome. In fact, they were
encouraged. Joxer was a social sort, an' Unc wanted
ta be sure he didn't start ta feel isolated, stayin
home with a new baby.

"Daddy Stwife?" I opened my eyes ta find Bliss
standin by my side of tha bed. He offahed me a cup.
"You want some milk? It's good for Lump."

Tha smell hit me, an' my nose twitched--goat's
milk--warm. My stomach twitched. My mouth got wet,
but it wasn't tha 'wow, that smells good', or tha
'damn, ya look sexy' sorta waterin. I said, "Maybe
latah. Run get dressed an' I'll take ya ta see Joxer
an' lil' Accord, huh?"

Bliss squealed happily an' raced out, slappin tha cup
of milk on tha table as he passed. I managed ta hold
off erpin till he was outta tha room, but just barely.
When I was done, Cupe wiped my face again. I held
out my hand. "Gimme tha fuckin toast. I'm ready ta
try anythin."

Cupid took us ovah ta Ares's temple--Bliss sittin in
tha crook of his left arm an' me wrapped in his
right. That was one thing about bein preggers I
wasn't too keen on. I mean, I had just gotten ta
where I could transport without gettin all whoopsie,
an' here it was again.

Ares came inta tha front room as soon as we appeared.
He was already smilin, but it really stretched when he
saw us. Unc ain't nevah gonna be wunna those sunshine
an' rainbows sorta people, but he started smilin a lot
more when he took up with Joxer, an' tha sight of
Bliss nevah fails ta put a smile on his face--wunna
tha good ones. 'Res can smile an' make a cadre of Spartans
rust their crotch guards.

Bliss started squirmin, crowin, "Gran'pa 'Res!"

"Put him down before you drop him, son." Cupid did.
Bliss pelted ovah an' started ta swarm up tha God of
War. Ares plucked him up an' swung him onta his
shoulders. We followed Bliss ovah, an' Ares patted
his son on tha shouldah, nodding at me. "Strife.
You're looking a bit green."

"Thanks, Unc."

He shrugged. "I got used to it with Joxer. You
remember how he was."

"How is he?" It was pretty much a form question. If
anythin had been really wrong with tha consort of tha
God of War, all of tha civilized world and mosta tha
universe woulda known about it.

"He's good."

"An' tha baby?"

Tha smile got broadah, but softah. "Perfect." Ares
tickled Bliss. "But he'd like to see his nephew.
Want to see Accord, Bliss?" Bliss nodded vigorously.
"Come on, then."
We all followed him back inta tha temple ta Ares an'
Joxer's livin quartahs.

Joxer was sittin on tha rumpled bed. He was wearin
loose linen trousers an' a sorta floppy tunic insteada
tha tight leathah breeches Unc likes ta see him in.
He had a small bundle cradled in his arms, an' was
whisperin ta it. His expression was gentler an
sweeter than I had evah seen it before. When we
entered he looked up, an' his face lighted with
pleasure. "Hey."

"Hey, Mighty One." We went ovah. Cupe an' I each
gave him a hug, then peeked at tha baby. Accord had
lotsa fluffy black hair ovah a slightly squashed,
reddish face. He was awake, starin up at us. His
eyes were just turnin from that murky blue all new
babys have. It looked like they were gonna be warm
brown, like Joxer's.

Ares let Bliss down off his shouldahs, an' tha little
boy reached slowly toward tha baby, watchin Joxer.
Joxer just smiled, makin no protest an' givin no
cautions. Bliss let his palm barely touch tha fuzzy
hair. He stroked, rufflin it, then he bent
down an' pressed a grave, careful kiss on tha baby's
forehead. Accord blinked. He wrinkled his forehead,
pursed his tiny rosebud mouth, an' made a questionin,
cooin sound, then sneezed. Bliss laughed.

Joxer looked at Ares, who nodded. "Bliss, would you
like to hold the baby?"

Bliss's face glowed with eagahness. This time he didn't
bounce--he danced. "CanIcanIcanI?"

"Strife, would you come sit here and help Bliss and
me? Bliss, climb up and sit very close." Bliss did,
an' I sat on his othah side, up close. "Hold out your
arms." Joxer carefully laid Accord in Bliss's arms,
across his lap.

I cupped one hand undah tha baby's downy head an'
rested tha othah hand on tha kid's knee. That way I
could stop tha baby if he started ta roll. Joxer did
tha same on tha othah side.

We hadn't really needed ta bothah--Bliss did a
champion job. He held Accord securely, not tryin ta
shift him around, an' talked ta him. He told him
about tha garden, an' tha butterflies, an' Mjau, an'
how they could have sleep-ovahs when he got biggah.
Accord yawned, then drifted off ta sleep.

Cupid an' Ares had been talkin quietly. Now Ares
said, "Look at that, Bliss--you got him to sleep. I
have a hard time doing that. Let's put him to bed."
Ares picked up Accord an' settled him in tha cradle
beside tha bed.

"C'mon, son," Cupid said. "I'll take you to see your
mom for a little while." As Bliss went to him, Cupid
said, "Hon, how about staying over and visiting for a
little while?"

One less transport? Fine by me. "Sure."

Ares gave Joxer a kiss. "Will you be all right if I
go out for a few hours?"

"Of course. You'll have to leave us alone at some
point, you know." Ares made a noise that might've
meant 'oh, yeah?" then kissed Joxer again. He, Cupid,
an' Bliss flashed out.

I was still sittin on tha bed by Joxer. We looked at
each othah. I said, "So... now what? We swap
recipes?"

Joxer laughed. "If you insist, I have an oyster stew
that makes Ares hornier than a Cretin bull."

I snickered. "Why do I get tha feelin that you could
get tha same reaction outta him with stewed prunes?"

Joxer wiggled his eyebrows. "It depends on how you
use them." That brought up a coupla mental images
that had me rollin on tha mattress, laughin. While I
was wipin tears off my cheeks Joxer said, "Well? Over
your snark attack?"

I sat up. "Yah. Thanks, man. I needed that." I had
anothah giggle fit. "Prunes."

"Nice, squishy ones." His smile grew more serious.
"How are you?"

I settled down. "Sick, mostly."

He nodded sympathetically. "I know what you mean.
There were times I was pretty sure I could tell you
exactly what my stomach lining looked like."

I groaned. "Fuck. Ya mean this is normal?"

Joxer looked thoughtful. "Well, as normal as it's
possible for something like this to be, I suppose."

I rubbed my face. "I tell ya, Joxer, it ain't even
been a month, an' I'm ready ta tear my hair out."

He eyed my 'do. "Looks like you've been trying."

I pointed at him. "Do not disrespect tha hair, smart
ass." He grinned. "Cripes, how often does Unc spank
you, anyway? My point is, I'm barely preggers..."

Joxer held up his hand. "Uh, news flash? No such
thing, son-in-law. You are, or you aren't."

"I wanna argue about semantics, I'll go get Xena's
blonde bard-bimbo. Tha point is, if it gets worse,
why haven't tha chicks kicked our collective asses a
long time ago? I mean, about tha tenth time I threw
up, I started ta think that maybe tha Amazons weren't
all that unreasonable."

Joxer scratched his head an' said slowly, "This isn't
official, or researched, or anything, but I could tell
you what I think, if you're interested."

"Yer tha only othah guy, ta tha best of my
knowledge, who's evah been knocked up. Well, unless
ya count that whole Athena springin from Zeus's head fully grown
bit--an' I don't. I'da liked ta see him deal with a
nine month headache, but I digress. Yah, I wanna hear
what ya think." He blinked. "That means go ahead."

"Okay. I think that male pregnancies are like female
pregnancies, but not exactly. They're kinda more...
intense." I lifted an eyebrow at him. "Think about
it. Most of the discomfort women experience during
pregnancy is because of the changes their bodies are
going through, and how they adjust. There's a new
life inside them, and the body doesn't understand
this, and is basically freaking out."

I nodded. "Sounds logical."

He sat forward. "Okay, stay with me. A guy gets
pregnant. Now, if a woman's body, which is
specifically designed for childbearing, freaks out...
what type of response is a male body going to have to
the same situation?"

I stared at him, my mouth hangin open. "So, what
yer tellin me is that I'm in for nine months of my
body havin anxiety attacks?" He nodded. I looked
down at myself. "Shit. Aftah all tha crap we've been
through tagethah, you're gonna let a baby spaz ya
out?"

I looked at Joxer again, settin my jaw. "All right,
this is silly. I've managed ta ovahcome a shitload of
problems in my life, an' I'm not gonna let a little
thing like havin a bun in tha oven control me. I'm
gonna take charge of this pregnancy."

I really, really didn't like tha way he smiled at
that.
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Tha Birds an tha Bees an' All That Othah Good Shit