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• Control	By : kattanon Category: S through Z > The Shield Views: 964 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
  Disclaimer: I do not own The Shield, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

• Chapter List
  • 1-Control
• • 1

• Title: - Control

  Author: - Katt

  Rating: - NC-17

  Warnings: - This fic deals with the subjects of child abuse and self-harm, if this might upset you please do not read.

  Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know

  Archive: - Archived at the Shield Fanfiction Archive

  Disclaimer: - I don’t own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX

  Dedicated to: - Whipper – A little something to help with the packing LOL.

  Author’s Notes: - This is a 250 word drabble, which is a sequel to my fic "Crux".

   

  
  

  Control

  
  
  

  "It’ll be easier next time, and you’ll soon get used to it." His father’s words.

  Holland supposed they were true in a way – he had gotten used to it. Some fathers took their sons fishing, in the Wagenbach house his father fucked him – it was just the way it was. He’d learnt not to struggle or beg, to relax his muscles, that way he didn’t always bleed. It was never easy though.

  He kept a hollowed out, dark place inside of himself, and he locked it all away in there just so he could function. He locked away his silent cries and pleas, his hatred, his fear, his anger, his guilt. He was numb on the surface, but he screamed underneath.

  However, his hollow place would eventually fill up, then it all threatened to spill over, shatter the illusion. He needed to empty all the badness out, he needed to feel, he needed some control.

  The shining, sharp edge of the razor blade gave him back control. He controlled the pain, he controlled the blood. At last his pain was focused, instead of a raging monster inside of him. He could watch the poison his father had filled him with running red down his arm, into the sink, washing away with the swirling water. Afterwards he felt calm, empty.

  He’d hide the blade away, just the thought of it steadying him. The release it provided the only thing that kept him holding on – the only thing keeping him sane.

• • 1
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