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If Only	By : theladyofshadows Category: Stargate: SG-1 > Stargate Atlantis Views: 1208 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-If Only
- 1
Disclaimer:Don't own! Don't sue! This is all for fun and no money is being made.

If Only
Rodney shivered, it was cold in the cell and it didn�t help matters that he was naked and bleeding all over the stone floor. �God, what a crappy day!� Rodney distantly thought. It had started out well enough, a brief meeting before heading out to initiate trade with a civilization that Teyla had heard good things about. Rodney chuckled bitterly and then began coughing harshly. His cough had a deep, wet, sucking sound and he knew it was bad. Even Rodney knew by the time the inevitable rescue came, it would be too late. It was already too late, he had lost too much blood. He could feel himself slowly fading away.
If only . . . he sighed, he had too many �if only�s�. If only they had seen beyond the face the Swainandons presented. They had seemed like such a nice, amiable people who were reasonably technologically advanced and willing to trade. The Atlanteans had no clue that they were not as nice as they seemed. If only he had not made a few suggestions on how to improve something, he couldn�t remember exactly what it was anymore.
Another wracking set of coughs shook his battered and flesh torn frame, blood spilling from his mouth. Rodney stared up into the darkness overhead after it was over. His time was almost up. After fixing whatever it was, they were given a tour through another set of labs. If only he had not seen those equations. If only he had not seen the gapping errors. If only he had not berated the scientist responsible. If only he had not decided to correct the errors.
Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. Not long after that they had been attacked Rodney had somehow become separated from Colonel Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon and had been captured by the Swainadons. They had quickly disarmed him and hustled him to a cell, deep underground. �It was always deep underground,� Rodney thought.
They questioned him for hours, tried to get him to create weapons for them, to solve more equations for them. He refused, demanded to be set free. They tried to drug him but he had a bad reaction to whatever it was that they gave him. He almost died again. Rodney chuckled once again, and mused darkly that the bad habit of almost dying was about to end permanently.
If only after beating him, starving him, and drugging him didn�t work they had not gotten frustrated and turned him over to someone that perhaps they shouldn�t have. If only it had not been that scientist he had berated earlier. If only the scientist had not been really angry with him. If only the scientist had not been not just a scientist but a professional torturer too. If only the scientist had actually cared about what his superiors wanted. If only the scientist had not been a sick, twisted fuck.
Rodney shuddered, remembering the harsh beating he initially received. The man had split his lip and blood had dripped down his chin. The man had smiled and it was not a nice smile. It was filled with all sorts of nastiness and a deep enjoyment of Rodney�s pain. Rodney shut his eyes, trying to remember the man�s name. �Ah, yes, Dr. Kirkland, a seriously sick and twisted man.�
Kirkland had leaned toward Rodney and gently cupped the side of his face. �Now, Dr. McKay, you should just give up what we want and this will stop. There is no reason for this to continue.� He paused and looked at Rodney�s mutinous face. �No? Well alright then.�
Kirkland�s eyes trailed the blood that dribbled down Rodney�s chin and then he leaned forward, licking it up. �Ummm,� Kirkland moaned, �You do taste good.�
Rodney had shuddered and tried to turn away. Kirkland had grabbed the sides of his head, not letting Rodney escape his attentions. Kirkland licked the last of the blood from Rodney�s face and smiled down at him. If only Rodney had truly realized at that point what was in store for him and how that had been his last chance of escape. If only he had realized that up until that point Kirkland would have let him escape his fate by spilling everything he knew.
Kirkland first used a whip on Rodney, raising deep, blood red welts upon Rodney�s flesh. Saying he was warming things up for later fun. If only Rodney had realized exactly what Kirkland�s words had meant. The beating went on for what seemed like hours. If only Rodney had realized that the longer it went on, the more excited Kirkland had gotten. By the time Kirkland was done, Rodney was whimpering mindlessly in pain. If only Rodney had realized that Kirkland was not yet finished with him, perhaps he wouldn�t have relaxed.
Kirkland brought out a knife, it reminded Rodney of the one the Genii had used on him so long ago. If only Rodney had not whimpered when he saw the knife, it wouldn�t have caused Kirkland to smile that nasty smile of his. Kirkland then began to cut Rodney�s pants and underwear off, uncaringly nicking flesh, causing blood to flow from parted edges. If only the blood had not made Kirkland even more turned on. After he had stripped Rodney bare he walked behind Rodney. Elegant, bloody hands gently trailed over abused flesh, �Now the fun really begins,� Kirkland whispered in his ear.
Rodney heard the rustle of clothes from behind him, if only he had not known what that meant. At that moment Rodney knew what Kirkland intended to do to him. If only Kirkland had listened to his pleas and remembered his duty. Rodney had begged Kirkland not to do it, that he would do anything they asked, just don�t do this. If only Kirkland had not chuckled and stated it was too late.
Rodney screamed as Kirkland shoved is dick into Rodney�s unprepared ass. The pain ripped through him and he cried. Kirkland just moaned, �Oh, yes. So tight. So good,� and began thrusting into Rodney with a slow sucking sound. Kirkland reached up and twisted Rodney�s nipples harshly, enjoying Rodney�s moans of pain.
For Rodney time seemed to last forever. Kirkland roughly shoved in and out of Rodney, deliberately causing Rodney as much pain as possible. He then brought the knife into play again. Slowly cutting into Rodney�s flesh, parting it seamlessly to let his blood slide and drip down his body to the floor. Rodney�s mind retreated into a safe, sheltered place, so that all that he was distantly aware of was the panting and groaning in his ear as Kirkland thrust endlessly into him. Finally it had ended and Kirkland came.
Rodney hung limp in his chains, blood and now semen dripping to the concrete floor. Rodney had been distantly aware of Kirkland straightening his clothes but his mind was still in that far away safe place. If only this had not made Kirkland angry when he couldn�t get Rodney to turn his attention back to Kirkland. If only Kirkland had not gotten frustrated and lashed out, breaking Rodney�s left cheek bone. If only that had been enough to bring Rodney back, it wasn�t. If only Kirkland had not released Rodney form the chains and begin to viciously kick him in the ribs and stomach. If only he had not broken Rodney ribs. If only he had not kicked hard enough to have a broken rib puncture a lung.
After Kirkland had finished, he had left saying he would come back to play some more. Rodney hoped he would be dead before then. Rodney thought about his other if only�s, his biggest if only was that he had never told John what he felt for him. If only he had gotten the courage before now. If only he had told John he loved him, just once. If only he had let John know just how much he cared and now he never would. Tears slid down Rodney�s bloody cheeks, his time would be over very soon now.
A burst of gunfire distracted Rodney from his morose thoughts. A bitter smile crossed his lips, the cavalry had arrived. Unfortunately they had arrived far too late. The door burst open and one, Colonel Sheppard strode through, P-90 at the ready. When he saw Rodney, he let it fall to his chest and rushed to Rodney�s prone form. �Rodney,� he whispered. �It�s all right now. We�re here to rescue you.�
Rodney just smiled sadly and lifted his hand to gently cup John�s face. �It�s too late, John,� he whispered and then began coughing up more blood.
�Don�t talk, save your strength!�
�No, John, I have something to say before I go.�
�You�re not . . .�
�Yes, I am. It�s too late for me, John. My time has come. Shhhhh,� Rodney pressed a finger to John�s lips, �let me say this. At least I won�t die with this one, if only.� Rodney paused, sighed and looked deep into John�s green eyes. �I love you John. I have for a while now. I should have said or done something earlier but I thought I had time.� Rodney smiled, a sweet, twisted smile, �Remember me, John, and don�t ever forget I loved you.�
�Rodney,� came John�s broken reply as he tenderly cupped Rodney�s dying body to him. �Please, don�t leave me. I love you too.�
A sigh and a whispered, �Good-bye, John,� and Rodney slipped away.
John let out a sob, if only he had found Rodney sooner.
- 1
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