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Of Cats, Rats and Men.	By : Ceefax Category: S through Z > Torchwood Views: 2951 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Of Cats, Rats and Men.
- 1
Of Cats, Rats and Men.

By Ceefax.

A week had passed, and there were still no signs of it wearing off. When Ianto returned from feeding the prisoners, the experimental animals, and Owen, Jack was asleep on top of Tosh's laptop.

He poked him sharply. "Get off, you'll get fur in the keyboard." Jack gave him a scandalised look, jumped to the floor, and rubbed against Ianto's ankles. "Yes, yes, I'll feed you in a second..."

In the kitchen he emptied and refilled Jack's water dish, and left the food bowl to soak while he started the coffee.

"Mwooooww..."

"Jack, I said I'll feed you in a minute, shut the hell up."

The dark-furred cat headbutted him in the shin. "Mwooowwooow..."

"Morning!" Gwen breezed in, all smiles. "Ah, hasn't worn off then. Coffee on?" She crouched down and scratched Jack behind the ears. He purred and rubbed against her knee.

Ianto grabbed a sponge and began scrubbing Jack's bowl. "Ready in about ten minutes. Owen's still the same as well."

"I got him these, d'you think he'll be interested?" She held up a packet of honey-flavoured rat treats.

"Can't hurt. He hasn't been eating very much."

"Must be depressing, being a rat."

*He didn't have far to go. And at least now he's got a pair of balls bigger than his head, which is what I think he always imagined he had,* Ianto carefully didn't say.

"Mwowww..."

"Ah, bless him, he's hungry..." Gwen picked Jack up. He rested his front paws on the upper slope of her breasts and pressed his nose to hers, purring like an outboard motor.

Hands in the washing up bowl, Ianto glared at him. "He's incorrigible, is what he is."

She kissed the top of his head and put him down. "I'm going to go see how Owen's doing." She clattered down the steps into the main hub, yelling a good morning to Tosh as she went.

"Mwwooowwow..."

"All right, all right, it's clean. Now," he opened the fridge, "do you want pork chow mein or special fried rice?"

Jack hooked his claws into the nearest takeaway container and pulled it towards him. Ianto grabbed it before it could fall off the shelf.

"Chow mein it is, then." He shut the fridge door on the rice and the sad abandoned tins of felix, shovelled the noodles into the bowl and put it on the floor. Jack dived in.

Ianto made the coffee. "Don't drag it all over the floor this time, please. I'll be in your office when you're done. And stay off the computers. I know they're warm, but you get fur all over them."

He took Tosh her coffee;

("Morning."

"Morning. Oh, thanks. Has Jack been on my laptop again?"

"Not that I saw. You found anything?"

"Possibly. I'll let you know.")

left Gwen's on her desk, (whatever she and Owen-the-rat were up to was entirely their own business and nothing he was even going to speculate about, and definitely nothing he was going to risk walking in on) and took his own up to Jack's office.

He spent the day trying to keep up to date with Jack's work as well as his own. Jack spent most of the morning asleep on his lap, and most of the afternoon chasing balls of paper that Gwen (and, eventually, Tosh) threw for him, and also playing with the feathers-on-a-string thing that Gwen had bought at lunchtime.

Gwen left at four thirty with a cheerful "bye! See you on Monday!"

Ianto and Tosh shared a box of doughnuts at Jack's desk. Jack licked the jam and sugar out of the box and off their plates.

"Odd how she manages to leave early when Jack and Owen aren't around," Tosh commented. "Well, not around in their human forms. You know what I mean."
"I'm sure I don't know what you're implying," Ianto replied, letting Jack lick a dollop of icing off his finger.

Tosh sucked her fingers clean and stroked them down Jack's back. "I think we've found his ideal lifestyle. Owen doesn't seem too happy, though."

"Did you get anywhere with the little zappy thing?"

"I've got some ideas. I've got a range of experiments planned, and I thought I'd start tomorrow, as it doesn't seem like it's going to wear off."

"No. It's been eight days now."

"It's been quite fun having a cat around. He's a lot cuddlier than Myfanwy." At that, Jack purred extra hard and stretched up to bump the top of his head against her cheek. She laughed and tickled him under his chin. "It's getting late. You headed out now?"

"No, I've still got to finish this." He indicated a stack of paper safely tucked away behind the desk lamp.

"Okay. Bye, Jack..." She leant over and they touched noses. "Ianto, don't work all night."

"I won't. See you tomorrow."

He switched off the main hub lights after she left, and quickly got into the Paperwork Zone. He didn't surface until Jack sat down quite deliberately on the form he was filling out.

He blinked into the bright blue eyes, their vertical pupils narrowing to slits in the light from the lamp, and checked his watch. It was twenty past nine. "Yes, all right. We should probably go home. I don't know how you keep up with this stuff, I really don't."

He tidied the desk and switched off the light. They made their way to the lift (Jack trotting at Ianto's heels with his tail in the air) by the soft blue glow of the computer monitors.

In the tourist office, Ianto shrugged into his coat and dug his keys out of his pocket. He paused by the door. "Are you going to behave this time, or am I going to have to carry you?"

Jack sat in Bast pose, tail curled around around him, eyes wide and innocent.

"Fine. I'm going to trust you. And I am not going to chase you."

He opened the door, and Jack promptly shot off into the night as though his tail were on fire. Ianto sighed and locked the door behind him. He made his way to his car, catching a brief glimpse of a dark shape that could possibly be Jack streaking across the plass. He sat in the car with the engine running for three minutes, thinking dark thoughts about hungry pterodactyls, before Jack appeared at the open passenger door and jumped onto the seat, looking inordinately pleased with himself.

Ianto leaned over and shut the door. "So we've proved that I'm an idiot and you're fundamentally untrustworthy. I hope you're happy."

Jack just washed his paws.

***

They'd just got in, and Ianto was in the preliminary stages of defrosting some lasagne for their supper (very Garfield), when there was a knock. He couldn't help smiling at the way Jack kept one ear pointed at the food and swivelled the other towards the door.

It was his upstairs neighbour, Beti. As he opened the door, she presented him with a photocopied sheet of paper advertising a garage sale.

"I was just going to put it through the letterbox, but I saw the lights. Alun's off next month," (her youngest son, soon to start university) "so we're having a bit of a clear-out, raise some money... well, aren't you gorgeous!"

She had spotted Jack. He trotted forward to meet her, sniffed regally at her outstretched hand, and allowed her to stroke him.

"...And this is Jack. Tea, Beti?"

"If you're having one, love, that'd be great."

He put the kettle on and covered the lasagne with a dish. When he brought the tea into the living room, Jack was sitting on Beti's lap, rubbing his head against her breasts and purring fit to burst. Ianto gritted his teeth and put the mugs down on the coffee table.

"Isn't he lovely? Look at those eyes, I bet there's some Siamese in there. And so friendly, you don't always get that with toms, do you? Mind you, you should get him fixed, Ianto, love, there's so many unwanted kittens out there it's a shame."

Ianto smiled over the rim of his mug as the purring abruptly ceased and Jack jumped down onto the floor. He stalked around the coffee table, turned his back on both of them, and washed his face.

"Oh, it's so sweet, the way way they do that. I'm going to have to get something for company, even if it's just goldfish. It'll be so quiet with the boys gone..."

"Alun excited, is he?"

"Over the moon. Can't wait. You know how teenagers are, have to get out there and do their own thing."

Jack had finished his face and started on his side.

"Is it halls of residence, or...?"

"No, no, he got in through clearing so they were all gone. He's sharing a flat. The university website has a place where you can organise house shares, isn't that a good idea?"

Jack abandoned his washing, jumped onto the sofa next to Ianto and curled into a ball, tucking his tail over his nose.

"Isn't he a big one, though? Bet he brings home lots of birds."

Ianto ran his fingers down Jack's spine, and a faint purring emerged. "Yes, he can be a bit of a terror at times."

She yawned behind her hand and put her empty mug back on the table. "I'd best be off." She tickled Jack behind the ears. "Bye, beautiful." He flicked the tip of his tail at her.

Ianto walked her to the door. "I'll drop round tomorrow if I get a chance."

"We'd appreciate it if you could, love. There's lots of DVDs and things. And some video games, if you like them?"

*Not really, but I know a rat who does.* "Night, Beti."

Jack appeared in the kitchen at the sound of the microwave. Ianto cut Jack's lasagne into small pieces. but he still insisted on dragging it onto the floor.

After dinner, he set the dishwasher running and left the back door open so Jack could visit the garden while he had a quick shower and brushed his teeth.

Jack was curled up on the end of the bed when he came out of the bathroom. He shut the back door, checked both doors and all the windows were locked, hung his dressing gown on the door, and climbed into bed. Jack padded up to the pillow and gazed at him, his eyes reflecting yellow streetlight from the window.

Ianto reached up and stroked him. "Don't worry, Tosh'll sort you out tomorrow, I bet. Could be worse, you could be stuck down in the basement with Owen." He yawned and pushed the pillow into a more comfortable shape. "I was terrified he was going change back in that tiny little cage while we were waiting for Tosh to finish converting the fume cupboard. Break his neck or something. Needn't have worried, eh? We really need some better mid-range containment. I'll sort that out once we've got you two changed back. Oh, or that he was going to get mixed in with the experimental rats somehow, and we'd never find him again. Mind you, that one's easily solved - just open the cage door, say 'Tekken 3's a big pile of shit' and see which one goes for your throat."

Jack leaned forward and pressed his cold nose against Ianto's. He licked at his cheek, then the corner of his mouth...

Ianto pulled away. "Fuck's sake, Jack, how many times? I am not having sex with a cat. Besides, your tongue is really rough. Just go to sleep, all right?"

Another nose-press, and Jack burrowed down under the duvet to curl into a ball in the crook of Ianto's arm, his head against Ianto's chest.

"Fine, if you want. If I roll on you in the night, you'll just have to claw me until I wake up."

***

He awoke in the middle of the night, not because of sharp claws in his skin, but because of pain in his shoulder. Caused by the pressure of Jack's head. Jack's human head.

In response to Ianto's investigating fingers, he awoke with a soft, questioning "hmmm?"

Ianto rolled onto his side, grabbed Jack and thoroughly kissed him. Then hugged him as hard as he could. "It wore off," he said, (a little muffled owing to the fact that he'd buried his face in Jack's shoulder) "it finally wore off."

"Well, we'll know for next time," Jack said softly, one hand pressed against the small of Ianto's back, the other stroking his hair. "If anyone gets transformed into an animal, leave them for a least a fortnight."

He touched Ianto's cheek, bringing his head back up for another kiss, this time slow and gentle. "Was afraid I'd lost you," Ianto murmured against Jack's lips.

"Whatever happened to 'you're going to be fine, Tosh'll fix it'?"

"She would've. Didn't stop me worrying."

"I wish I could tell you the same," he ran his fingers gently up and down Ianto's spine, "but it's kinda hard to worry when you're a cat."

"What was it like?"

He pushed Ianto gently down to lie on his back, propped himself up on one elbow to look down at him. "Weird. Kinda fun." He smiled, and Ianto couldn't resist leaning up for another kiss.

"You did seem to be having fun." He ran his hand from Jack's neck down over his smooth chest and stomach, and stroked the velvety-soft skin of his half-hard cock. It twitched in his hand and he grinned.

Jack moaned and pressed his forehead against Ianto's shoulder. "Fuck, yes. I missed that. When it comes to inter-species sexuality, you're not very open-minded."

Ianto moved his left hand up from Jack's knee, over his inner thigh, cupped his balls briefly (causing a gasp in his ear), over his hip, up his ribs and onto his chest, where he used the leverage to push Jack down flat on the mattress. He got up onto his knees, not relinquishing his hold on Jack's cock.

"Where are you thinking of going with this?" Jack asked, stroking his thigh.

"Oh, round about here." He manoeuvred himself to sit cross-legged between Jack's splayed thighs, shuffling closer until their genitals were pressed together.

"I like where you're going with this." He wrapped his legs around Ianto's waist, and reached out to snag the tube of lube from the bedside table.

"Thank you, sir." He slicked up both his hands and both their cocks.

"You didn't call me 'sir' when I was a cat," Jack said, thoughtfully running his fingers over Ianto's chest hair.

"It's hard to call someone 'sir' when they're begging for titbits, sir."

"Mmm... I'll have to remember that, it could be a vital flaw in my command strategy... ah, that feels so good..."

Ianto was holding both their cocks in a loose fist, dragging his hand from root to tip, replacing it with the other and repeating.

"Love your cock, Ianto. Love your hands... So gorgeous, makes me feel so good..."

Ianto reversed direction, pushing foreskins down to expose sensitive glandes, making them both moan.
Jack closed his eyes and let his head fall backwards against the pillows. "Sweet fuck I missed you so much..." He brought his hands down to rest on Ianto's tensed thighs.

"Jack?" He used one hand for each cock for a few up-and-down strokes, then clasped them together again. Jack opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow. Ianto put on his mock-serious face. "I think you took advantage of being a cat."

Jack's fingertips began to trace little circles on his thighs. "I did?"

"Mmm-hmm. Nuzzling everyone in sight at every opportunity. When Tosh wore that skirt on Wednesday you spent practically the whole day under her desk. And don't think I didn't notice you all over Beti this evening." He began twisting both hands up and down their shafts and over the heads.

Jack gave him a cheeky grin, eyes half-closed in pleasure. "Yeah, she's cute. I can see why you've been keeping her to yourself."

Ianto shook his head. "So it's come to this now. I've got competition from the middle-aged divorcee upstairs."

"Yeah. Best... Best keep your game up... Ah, Ianto, I'm so close..." His fingers clutched convulsively at Ianto's knees.

Ianto took one hand to each cock and pumped firm and fast. They came together, and he made sure all of it landed on Jack's chest and stomach, then disengaged his aching legs to flop down by Jack's side, smug satisfied smile on his face.

"Ah, fuck yes. You're damn good at that, you know."

"Thank you, sir."

Jack ran his hands over the semen covering his body, and rubbed his slick fingertips over his nipples. "Mmmm. Come here..."

"I really don't think so." He levered himself up off the bed, and gave Jack a friendly slap to the hip. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

He ran a basinful of warm water while Jack sat on the edge of the bath and idly drew patterns in the mess on his stomach. He wiped himself off, then sponged Jack from crotch to collarbone, Jack enjoying the attention in a way that reminded Ianto strongly of his cat-self. Jack held out his right hand with a hopeful smile. Ianto rolled his eyes in mock-despair and licked the mingled come from Jack's fingers. Jack made appreciative noises, and licked the other hand clean himself.

They fell back into bed, snuggled damply together, and slept.

***

Ianto awoke just in time to hit the alarm before it sounded. Six thirty am. Saturday morning. He stretched, encountered Jack lying curled against his back, and remembered.

He grinned, rolled over, and kissed Jack gently on the lips. Jack stirred, opened his eyes, blinked, then grinned back at him. He slipped his hands around Ianto's waist, pulled him close, and kissed him deep and slow.

Ianto wriggled free, regretfully. "We can't, Jack, we've got to go to work, remember?"

"I'm sure the boss'll understand..." He leaned in again, but Ianto froze with a look of horror on his face. "Ianto? What it is?"

"What time did you turn back?"

"Dunno. Late. Or early, probably. "Wh..." He stopped abruptly as he realised.

A horrible vision of Owen crammed into a fume-cupboard-cum-rat-cage, stark naked and very annoyed, came to Ianto's mind. "I think we'd better go to work, sir."

fin
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Of Cats, Rats and Men.