Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

Not A Winchester	By : OnyxWildcat Category: Supernatural > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1098 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I Own Nothing That Pretains To Supernatural. This is a NonProfit Creation

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Title: Not a Winchester
Author: Onyx Wildcat
Chapters: Ongoing
Rating: R-Adult
Pairing: Let's see what happens ;)
Warnings: Strong Language, Violence, Sexual Content, Angst, Heart-Break
Spoilers: Jump the Shark
Feedback: Always welcome^_^
Disclaimer: I don�t own anything that pertains to the Supernatural Universe. This is merely for non-profit entertainment for other writers/readers who enjoy the �What If� pondering when thinking of Supernatural and all it�s Supernatural goodness. Tora Balam Morgan and 'Eleanore' are MINE
Onyx�s Note: After seeing Jump The Shark the first time, I started writing this. At first I was going for something different, and hadn't realized it had taken on a life of its own. This is the story of Tora...Adam's big sister...
* * * * *

Reminiscing on my whirlwind of a past, I realize that even as a child I�d been different. I kept to myself and didn�t play well with others, especially when I�d started grade school. I was weary of the other children, keeping a great deal of distance between the masses and myself, and I had a constant deep-seated distrust for my elders. I hadn�t meant to be a smart ass, I was a baby after all� But I never liked the way they talked down to me, treating me as if I were less intelligent then they were. For being only seven years old, I find that rather impressive as I look back at it�and possibly disturbing. I was very sharp, almost snide and when the teacher would purposefully single me out, attempting to pull me out of my shell so-to-speak, I would answer her benign question with a question, spitting her words right back in her face. That only caused me more unneeded grief�which ended up being a precursor to the torture I would receive throughout the rest of my difficult childhood.

But what started it all�what truly put the icing on the cake� Was the day He came into our lives and flipped my world upside down.

I know now that I�m not the same girl I was when I lived back in Windom, Minnesota. I�m a great deal calmer now, clear headed and rational. Forced to raise a little brother, who had turned out to be more of an actual son to me� Then, my biggest turning point I suppose I could say, was when the time came to become a Hunter.

I�d grown up rather quickly in those twelve years without Him� I�m not sure if His absence had anything to do with the great deal of anger problems I was dealing with at nineteen, which inevitably led me on the path I�m on today.

Once I was out on my own, I�d gotten past my many issues and finally found my place in this screwed up existence we call a life. And it was all because of Him and His life changing discussion that day so many years ago�

Honestly, thinkin� about it�I miss Him. Sure He�d lied to me, lied to my family, and lied to His very own flesh and blood�but He was a good man. When the time came to step up to the plate, He was there for Adam and that�s what mattered. You know in a way, I miss our talks�and our arguments. He was so much like a Father to me. I�d hated, respected, and loved that man, for so many reasons� I still do.

First for abandoning us, then for the birth of Adam�and then for showing back up so many years later unannounced. But that�s a whole different can of worms�which I�ll open in a moment.

He was a good man, even with all His hang-ups. I guess in His own way, He was attempting to right the wrongs when He came back into our lives� He was tryin� to do right by Adam�and by Me.

After all�this is John Winchester I�m talkin� about�

* * * * *

I was Seven years old when he came into our lives. I didn�t like him at first, mostly because he was Male and I�d always had a big problem with men�so I ignored him when he tried to befriend me. Mom, or Kate rather, wasn�t entirely too happy with my reaction, but she understood me in all my young complexity and explained to him that I was extremely weary of men. So in an attempt to gain my good graces, he gave me my space� But you know, even at seven I knew there was somethin� about him�different I guess. He had told my mother he was a mechanic, which explained his beautiful �67 Impala. And even at that age� I had completely and utterly fallen in love with that car.

But I knew there was something else he was hiding from us�

John didn�t know how to handle me when he came into our lives. I was calculating, bad tempered, quiet and very distrusting. He�d have this look on his face when he looked into my eyes. Told me, when I finally stopped hiding from him, on more then one occasion that I reminded him of someone�and when I finally asked who�

He never did answer my question�just smiled and changed the subject.

As much as I didn�t want to get attached to him�I did. John had become a Father to me, though I never told him that, I think he knew�

Then things changed, as it always did�

John left and I felt very betrayed and very angry�but then something else happened that only made me more closed off.

Namely when Mom got pregnant�with Adam.

I wasn�t the little girl anymore�and to be perfectly honest, I never had been. She adopted me when I was about Nine months old, just three months after the loss of my blood relatives. Never told me the details of what happened to my parents�just that there was a fire and that God had made sure that my Guardian Angel carried me to safety. I was small so I believed her about the Angel� Until time went by and I began to understand that God was no more a myth than Santa Clause or that damned Easter Bunny. I was very cynical�for as far back as I can remember.

Kate was the only thing I knew, my only family. Just me and her�for seven whole years.

Until John drove into town with that terrible black beast of his�and left�leaving us a parting gift named Adam.

Big surprise there. I wasn�t stupid, I knew how babies were made�and god how I hated her for it. Yeah, I can admit it�I hated the woman who was the only mother I had ever known. I was angry and hurt that she was suddenly having a baby and I was forced to be the older sibling. I�d resented Adam too�because he was blood to both them, Kate and John�which meant I really wasn�t a part of the family. Forced to feel like the outcast again. Really screwed up for seven year old to think�but I wasn�t like the other kids in that small, Minnesotan town. Never had been. Used to get in trouble all the time�but that�s another story.

Now, around the time Adam was Twelve, he started buggin� Mom to get a hold of John.

That was my fault. I slipped one day, irritated because he wouldn�t shut up about something and out of pure spite, (mostly to piss off our mother) I mentioned that I knew who his father really was. Ya�heh, Whoops. I was angry that Kate had hidden that from him and expected me to do the same. She didn�t have to be the one to constantly change the subject when he asked me, �Where�s Daddy?� with those big gentle eyes of his pleading with me to tell him the truth that had been kept from him.

So I told him and got an earful from Kate later that night after my little slip. That was just more fuel for the fire, making it easier for me to finally unload on her. I was very angry, cooped up and pretty much tired of her bullshit. I�d loved the woman, she was the only Mother I�d ever known. But to force me to grow up so young because she was a single parent, I know that wasn�t her fault�it was misplaced anger that was due to John�s absence. The person who deserved my wrath was nowhere to be seen, so I took it out on her.

And sadly, at the time, I really didn�t give a shit because I was in a very bad place emotionally. The tension between me and Kate had reached its peek and I was doing everything and anything to get her to hate me�so it wouldn�t hurt her when I finally took off. My mind was convinced that it would be better if she was glad that I was gone, rather than her be a complete and utter mess. I loved my mother�I didn�t want her to mourn my absence the way I had when John practically abandoned us.

Like I�ve said, I was nothin� like any of the kids I�d grown up with. I despised Minnesota, practically loathed the Mid West�

And was about to take off the very day an Old Friend decided to show up at our doorstep.

* * * * *

Adam was in school, Mom was at work�I was the only one at the house. It was the very day I had finally gotten my bags packed and was about to just walk out on my family without even a note as to where I was going� It wasn�t there fault�I loved them, especially my little goofball Adam�but I had to leave, for good.

Being preoccupied with getting everything to my car, I had just reached the welcome mat when I finally brought my eyes forward and stopped�completely unable to move. I just stood there with the door wide open, bags in my hands when I dropped them at my feet. A Tsunami of mixed emotions washed over me, clenching my throat and caused the muscles in my chest to tighten painfully as if I were being squeezed to death by an Anaconda.

Seeing him standing there�not as tall as I remembered him being�just looking at me, almost in awe of me� I felt small beads of sweat break out along my upper lip and forehead. I think I was in shock and felt like I was in some kind of terrible dream that I was unable to wake from.

And when his voice touched my ears, I felt my heart drop�

�Tora?� He rumbled out in what sounded like a father who was astonished at seeing how big his daughter had gotten from a long absence and proceeded to slip his hands from the pockets of his jacket.

I was stunned to hear him call me by that name. No one else had called me that�not since I�d first met him.

I remember that when I was seven, I had told him that Tora was my real name, even though Mom was hell bent on callin� me Jane. Because you see, the real name I had been given at birth was Tora Balam Morgan before my mother adopted me and changed my name to Jane Natasha Milligan. Never understood why she had told me that truth all those years ago. But she was never the kind of woman to keep secrets from me�

I also remember telling John that when I was old enough, I�d have my name changed back� God, that was so long ago�

�Hello�John.� I said slowly, carefully, my voice strained. I was afraid of letting out the surprise I felt�and the irritation that someone was, once again, stopping me from getting the hell outta dodge. But there was more to it than that� Seeing him brought up so many bad feelings and the last thing I wanted to do was snap and take his head off�even if he deserved it.

�What are you doing here?� I asked in a quiet voice that was controlled, the kind of tone a person uses when they�re trying not to scream.

I could feel my pulse speed up when he took a step forward, getting closer and I felt the muscles in my spine tense. �Your mom called.� John replied in that deep timber and I just searched his eyes with quiet suspicion.

�Okay.� I said with a slight shake of my head in bitter disbelief and scooped my bags back up. I really wasn�t in the right state of mind for any kind of reunion, �go on inside and make yourself at home. Kate should be off work in about five hours.� I added quickly and went to walk passed him when he reached out and took my right wrist in his paw of hand, stopping me.

I let my eyes fall to where he was touching me and slowly raised them to his face, not masking the fury I felt at the sudden contact. I could sense through his touch that he�d missed me�one of my many strange sensory abilities. I could feel by the pulse in his flesh that he was unsure and slightly apprehensive of my reaction to him�and he had every right to be, because I was emotionally at the edge of an abyss that could either damn me or save my soul. And depending on how far I was pushed�well, you get my point.

He caught the look in my eyes and tried to use a softer tone on me, perhaps hoping it would disarm the growing animosity that was curling away from my body like smoke. �Kate?� He repeated my mother�s name as a question and tried to search my eyes but was only met with anger. �Since when�d you start calling her by her first name?�

I was trying to keep a level head when I answered his question, �Last year when I turned eighteen and legally had my name changed back to Tora Balam Morgan.� Inwardly, I was relieved that my voice remained calm even though I could feel a swell of irritation rising into my chest. Which I got under control because I didn�t have time to stand there and pick a fight. I wanted to leave and John was merely in my way.

�Look, I appreciate the sentiment, but it�s really none of your concern and it�s not something I want to bring up again, so if you�ll excuse me.� I added and went to start walking away when he stopped me, again.

�Now wait a second�� John said and met my narrowed gaze. �I didn�t come all this way just for your mother.�

I gave him a strained smile and quipped, �I know. You�re here for your Son.� I emphasized the word Son and watched his jaws clench, which meant I�d hit a nerve. �I�m sure he�ll be ecstatic to see you.�

I didn�t wait for his response. I didn�t want to hear it. I just wanted to leave. So with that in mind, I tried to get passed him again, but he stopped me by gently taking me by the shoulders, turned me toward him and placed his hands over mine.

�Tora, stop.� He said in a soft voice and held my gaze, �you�re forgetting someone.�

�You�re not here for me John, we both know that.� I replied in a cold voice but he wouldn�t let up. Stubborn sonuvabitch. �Would you please let me go? I�ve got somewhere I need to be.�

There was so much patience in his eyes as he looked down at me. �Kate will be home in five hours, correct?� John asked and all I could do was nod to his question. Without my permission, he took the bags from my hands and added, �Then how about you at least spend four hours with me?�

I sighed through clenched teeth. There was no use arguing with the man. �Fine.� I snapped softly in defeat and a brilliant smile fell over his lips, one that actually touched his eyes. �Four hours John and that�s it. I�m gone.�

He nodded, appearing very pleased with himself. �Sounds good to me.� John replied and motioned for me to go ahead of him back into the very house I was trying to get away from.

I don�t get it�he was being incredibly patient with me and I was just being�well, a bitch. Maybe he knew me better then I knew myself�

* * * * *

We went inside and I led him to the kitchen and I offered him a beer out of courtesy. He paused and asked, �Want one?�

I gave him a funny look and said, �Kate usually pitches a fit if I snag one. You know, the whole not being Twenty-one yet.�

John took the beer I offered, then reached passed me into the fridge, retrieved another one and met my curious gaze. �You�re Nineteen and as far as I�m concerned, if you�re old enough to serve your country, you�re old enough to drink.� He mused and handed me a cold one.

I took the bottle, grew a slight smile and chimed, �I like your logic.� before popping the cap with ease which received a curious look from John as we sat at the table. Once seated across from him I couldn�t help but notice the funny expression he was giving me.

�What?� I asked in a voice that was less defensive and fought the urge to bite my bottom lip out of nervous habit. I knew that I probably looked very different from the little girl he remembered with the long pig tails and weary eyes. �It�s my look, isn�t it?� I asked and watched a slightly embarrassed smile grace his lips.

�Well it�s not bad,� he replied calmly and motioned with his hand to the right side of his nose and his right ear, �that�s just a lot hardware you�re wearing.�

I let out a small laugh, enjoying his reaction because it was genuine curiosity for my piercings, rather than the usual dirty look I was used to getting from everyone else in that small town. �Well you remember me with the normal pierced ears,� I said and he nodded, �I just added on to them. Put five more in this ear,� I motioned to my right ear with all the small silver loops and gently tapped on my nose, �and did this about two years ago.�

�You did them yourself?� He asked, brows shot up in surprise.

I nodded, �of course. Think I had the money to go out and pay for it? Or that Kate would allow it?� I added, took a sip of my beer and swallowed, �you want something done right you�ve got to do it yourself. So I did.�

He shook his head, a strange look in his eyes, �I wouldn�t have been very happy about it, but I know you would�ve done it anyway.� John explained looking into my eyes, �I can just imagine how Kate felt about it.� He added thoughtfully and I smirked.

�Oh yea�she wanted to kill me,� I laughed and shook my head, �went off about the dangers of contamination to my blood, especially with this one,� I pointed to the smallest silver loop that adorned my nose, �said that an infection would go straight to my brain.� I paused long enough to release the small laugh from my throat, took another drink of my beer and added, �after a few weeks she mellowed out, got used to it and actually thought about getting it done herself.�

This made John laugh. �Seriously? Wow� That�s funny.� He rumbled out, taking another sip of his cold one and gave me curious eyes, �and I like your hair�it�s uh, different.�

I blinked and looked up, as if I could see it and chuckled, running a hand through the short bright red strands. �Uh yea� I cut it just a few days ago. I got tired of how long and plain it looked�so I dyed it fire engine red and had a friend of mine chop it off.� I explained and watched a little smirk pull at the edge of his lips.

�Well, I like it.� He announced in a warm tone and it was my turn to give him curious eyes, �the cut really frames your face� The color�s a bit much, but I guess I�m just old fashioned�you always did have the most beautiful chestnut brown hair.�

I�d managed a small, embarrassed smile on my lips and ran a nervous hand, once more, through my short bob. It was a nice change and I really did like it. It was feathered in the back, like a pixie cut and it came down into my face, just over my ears, framing my face. It was a lot easier to deal with in the morning when I had to get up and make sure Adam was getting ready for school. I remembered the look on Adam�s face when I came home with the new haircut. He just blinked at me with those big blue eyes of his� He�d always loved my very long hair and once I�d mentioned I wanted to cut it he was very adamant that I wouldn�t. So at first, I thought he was going to go off on me�but instead, he loved it. Said I looked like a bad ass version of Scully from The X-Files, a show we used to watch religiously together� I couldn�t do anything but hug the little monster.

�Well, I�m glad you�re not freaking out about my look. Kate�s used to it, the squirt loves it. People in town however�� I trailed off, an ugly smirk on my lips, �gives�em more fuel to call me names when I�m not looking.�

�Civilians around here don�t understand people like us, Tora.� he said getting my attention. �You�ve always been your own person, I experienced that first hand when I met you all those years ago��

My jaws clenched, a slight tension hovering over our heads. His words, they hurt to hear them�and by the haunted look in his eyes, I knew he felt the sting too.

�I�m not that little girl anymore, John.� I said softly hiding the pain I�d felt and tapped the cold edge of my beer with my black fingernails. �People change.�

�Yes they do.� He agreed and grew a smile that seemed almost�sad. �It�s just�seeing you now, it�s finally sinking in that you�re all grown up.� He replied in a voice that told me he was fighting his own inner struggle. �You gotta remember Tora, last time we sat here together��

�I was just Seven.� I said, finishing his thought for him. That�s when the bitterness emerged and weaved like invisible fingers through my voice, not quite there�incredibly subtle but you could sense it when I added, �and that was a long time ago.�

Again, that wounded emotion danced through his gaze. �Yes� yes it was.� He stated in a softer tone, took a drink of the cold beer and watched me like a hawk when I chugged half the contents of mine.

I let out a soft breath and dropped the bottle against the table, �yup�� I clipped under my breath, not really happy that he was suddenly back. I never hated him if that�s what you�re thinking�I hated that he�d left us�and that I had let myself love him like he was my father only to be abandoned by him�which just added to my natural dislike of the male gender.

And now he was finally back in my life�sitting right across from me just like all those years ago. Right when I was ready to head out on my own�talk about bad timing. I�m sure the Fates were havin� a field day. Maniacal Bitches.

He grew a very thoughtful furrow and fiddled with a plain gold wedding ring on his left hand before looking up at me from across the table. �Tora�there�s another reason why I showed up�I knew you�d be here. I knew your mom would be at work and that�Adam would be at school.� He explained and I could feel my brow crease, my eyes holding a apprehensive look. �There�s a few things we need to talk about, you and I.� He said and the tone of his voice had changed, which actually caught my attention. �And it�s about you.�

I scoffed and set my hands on the table, fingers laced, a smart ass look on my face. �Really?� I chimed and his expression never changed�it was a little unnerving. The John I had seen around my mother had been always smiling, always helpful. But whenever he was alone with me, he was always very quiet�thoughtful. It bothered me, well in the sense that he was being more himself around me, then he ever had been around my Mother.

I grew a serious expression and said, �what is it John�because you�ve got that look.�

I watched him quirk a brow. �I�ve got a look?� He asked.

�Yes� Whenever you had something important to tell me and wanted me to pay close attention, you got this look on your face.� I replied matter-of-factly.

His brow creased for a moment and he actually chuckled. �Wow, you�ve got a good memory .� He said, a slight sparkle in his eyes.

A half smile danced across my lips and I nodded. �Never forgot.� I said, a sad note hanging in my soft tone.

John caught it and suddenly his eyes�they filled with guilt. �I have information�� His words trailed off and I felt my throat tighten. He took a deep breath and added, ��about your parents.�

A crease began to form between my brow. �Kate told me that they died in a fire.� I said and watched him nod�but felt that there was more to it then just that. So I stated, softly, ��why do I get the feeling you�re about to tell me that it wasn�t an accident��

His expression, one I�d never forgotten, had grown thoughtful. As if there were worlds of unspoken truths dancing behind his intelligent gaze, wanting me to understand�but not knowing how to begin. I could almost feel it, like a soft whisper of something greater than me, trailing along my spine�a wordless voice singing something that I could barely understand.

Finally, after a moment of silence, John drew in a slow breath and gave me his eyes. And in that one look�I knew that whatever words would follow�was going to change my life�forever.

* * * * *

He�d explained everything alright�told me who he really was.

He hadn�t lied about being a Mechanic, that part had been true. But he was something else, called a �Hunter� and that�s how he�d met my mother, Hunting out here in Windom. John had filled me in on what being a Hunter entailed�and to my surprise�told me he�d already had children, two sons. Dean was twenty-four and Sam was twenty, just a few months older than me�who were also raised as Hunters, but Sam had decided to go off to college, to get out on his own. When I heard him say that, I felt for Sam�and realized why John was stalling me. Apparently, all those time�s he�d told me I reminded me of someone� It was his boys. He also made a point to explain to me, that they had no idea about us�about Me, Kate and Adam. That even though he hated lying to his boys, he couldn�t bare to tell them the truth.

�Why would you keep something like this from them? I can�t believe you John�� I�d trailed off, suddenly very angry with him, �you�ve lied to us from the beginning.�

�Tora, I�m not perfect� I didn�t expect this to happen� Meeting your mother was pure luck.� John was trying to explain but I wasn�t backing off.

�Oh so that�s your pitch? You�re not perfect?� I scoffed, my brows shot up in disbelief, �So what, Kate was just another easy lay for you?� I spat through clenched teeth and watched him frown, guilt radiating in his eyes�but I could tell he was starting to lose his patience. �That�s real manly of you John, takin� off to your Other Family after gettin� her knocked up.�

�Now you watch yourself Tora.� He said in a controlled voice, index finger of his right hand pointed at me for emphasis. �I�m not about to have an all out fight with you until you�ve heard my side.�

�I think it�s a little late for that, John.� I snarled back, not caring that he could easily bench press my shorter frame. �You showed up all those years ago and bonded with me�then left without any fucking warning, practically abandoning us�and left us with a little bundle that I ended up raising because Kate couldn�t stay home. She had to work.�

�Would you hold on?� John finally barked, raising his voice enough to get my mouth to shut. I could see that he didn�t want to resort to that by the way his eyes gleamed at me. �This is somethin� you can never tell your mother or Adam. Understand?�

I just blinked at him. �You�re kidding right? You want me to LIE to them?� I replied allowing the utter disgust I felt show in my voice.

John closed his eyes and took a breath, struggling to keep his temper from showing. �No, that is not what I�m asking.� He said slowly and opened his eyes, �I don�t want them to know about my Hunting. Not ever. It�s too dangerous and they�ll be safer just living normal lives.�

�So then why the hell are you telling me all of this John?� I asked and really didn�t know what to think anymore.

�Because of who you are.� He replied matter-of-factly and I blinked, confused.

�Yea that makes whole lotta sense.� I chimed sarcastically and watched as he sighed while running a hand over his face.

He composed himself and began, �because of how your parents died�who they really were. They were Hunters Tora, just like me and my boys.�

�So you�re tellin� me I�m a freak because my dead parents chased monsters for a living?� I shot back softly, my emotions twisting in my stomach like thousands of worms devouring the belly of a corpse. �And that makes me what�a Hunter?� I paused and shook my head, �Yea, that seems totally rational.�

When he just looked at me, not speaking, his expression hard and thoughtful� I knew he wasn�t kidding. And it terrified me�because it made sense and I just didn�t want to accept it.

I had to swallow down the last of my pride due to the humbling feeling running through me. I didn�t want this, I hadn�t asked for this. I knew I was different�I knew I wasn�t like everyone else�but a Hunter? Yea and the tooth fairy is in league with Easter bunny�

* * * * *

Once I�d settled down enough to shut myself up and just listen� John explained his reasoning for why he�d kept so much from the people he�d loved.

He�d told me about what happened to his wife, Mary�about the fire that took her life� And told me it was linked to me as well. John also explained he�d wished that I could�ve been spared from that part of his life�but because of my parents� The strange events that brought him to my Mother all those years ago�that our lives were meant to be intertwined. As if Fate had some say in it�

Like I said, Maniacal Bitches.

John also mentioned that I was linked to his Sons�especially Sam. He wouldn�t get into it and I decided to not push the issue�I just didn�t have the energy. But I knew there was so much more he�d wanted to say and couldn�t get himself to do so. As though he�d said too much already. Maybe he thought I wouldn�t believe him or that I wouldn�t be able to handle it�but that wasn�t the case at all. There was a lot about me he didn�t know about�strange things�

At least, that�s what I�d told myself.

Because he said something that no one, and I mean no one, ever knew about. That I was different�and I don�t mean in the way I dressed or my choice of music or the fact that I was the biggest pain in the ass he�d ever known. John had known about my�special talents. Things that I could never show anyone�or I�d really be known as a freak�

He knew and he hadn�t seen me since I was just Seven years old. How the hell did he know when he was never there? How did he know that I felt things differently? That when I sensed something, felt the hair rise on the back of my neck�that I could summon�

How did he know?

* * * * *

Time passed quickly after everything we�d discussed and I finally noticed it was an hour until my mom was gettin� home. I still wanted to get the hell out. I didn�t want to be there�I just couldn�t handle that life anymore. Especially after everything I�d learned�

Honestly�I just never felt as though I fit in�that I was some kind of outcast, even if Kate never treated me that way. And from the things he�d told me, I knew for the first time my life�that I�d been right all along. And getting away from that fake normalcy was my only choice.

The only thing that would really change my mind and keep me there�was Adam. Sure he wasn�t blood, but to me�he was more like a son to me, only because I�d practically raised him because Mom had to work and I was the only one that could help. Kate knew how protective I was over him, knew that I�d hunt someone down and beat the ever-livin� hell outta them for just lookin� at him wrong.

That�s why I wanted to leave when he was still in school. So I wouldn�t have to see his face, tears in his eyes while he begged me to stay. I just couldn�t handle that. I loved the little squirt too much to see him in pain like that. Not that leaving without a word was any better�I just�needed to get away. It wasn�t their fault, Kate and Adam I mean� I just, felt like I was missing something and a voice deep down inside told me it was out there�and all I had to do, was get in my car and go find it.

But I hadn�t left yet�due to John still being there� I suppose a part of me wanted to spend as much time with the old man as possible. Seeing as he�d been missing from my life for the past Twelve years. And knowing what I knew�how he�d left, lying the way he had� I suddenly understood I had more in common with him then I ever thought possible.

Still�it would never make it right.

So I sat there at the table across from John, fiddling with one of the silver rings on my right hand, unable to get myself to look up at the man sitting on the other end of the table� I knew he was watching me�I could feel it.

�Wanna tell me why you�re really leaving?� John asked in that deep timber and got my attention.

I let out a sigh. �I don�t belong here John�� I began with a strained voice and averted my gaze to the empty bottle on the table. �I feel like I�m trapped here, unable to really be myself. Like I should be out there, doing something�helping people.� I said and brought my eyes to his, �And now from what you�ve told me� I know I need to get out. Heh�weird, right?�

He looked at me for a long time, thoughts running behind his eyes when he finally said, �No�it�s not weird.�

�So I leave and I�m supposed to be a Hunter like you�where do I go? It�s not like I�ve got any experience or someone to teach me the trade. From what you�ve told me, Hunters sound solitary and I�m betting they ain�t too friendly to newbies.� I rambled, my voice pitching just slightly because I really didn�t know what the hell I was supposed to do. �I can�t go with you, and you sure as hell can�t help me here. So where the hell am I supposed to go?�

He sighed and took a drink of his beer. �Here�� He said and pulled out a piece of paper and pen and scribbled something on it before handing it to me. �Call this number, her name�s Ellen Harvelle. Tell her John gave you this number and she�ll help.�

�Thanks�� I took the piece of paper and pocketed it in my jacket so I wouldn�t forget. �Don�t mention to her or anyone, about anything we�ve talked about�right?� I muttered in a low voice and watched him nod, his eyes weary and seeming so very tired.

�I can�t believe this�� I added softly, took the empty bottles from the table, stood and proceeded to drop them in the trash. I stood there for a moment, my back facing John and felt a terrible sense of unease swim through me.

And just as I was about to turn and mutter my final goodbye, the front door opened and closed with a loud clang and I could hear the distinct voice of Adam filling the air.

�Jane! You better not have one of your guy friend�s over. You know I won�t tell her but if she comes home and sees that car out there, mom�ll kill you�� His voice faded when he entered the kitchen, his backpack slung over his left shoulder. �Uh�Jane?�

I turned to see John still sitting at the table, his fingers laced as he rested his arms on the table, his eyes on Adam�

�It�s alright squirt.� I replied casually and walked over to the sink so I could lean my weight on it, my hands in the pockets of my jeans. I couldn�t help but grow a smile when I saw him standing there� He was my adorable, dorky baby brother. �Have a good day at school?�

He gave me weary blue eyes before eyeing the stranger sitting at the table. �Uh Yea�� He replied slowly, really unsure of the man sitting just a few feet away from him. �Jane, who�s�?�

I gave a sad smile and cut him off, �remember how you�ve been buggin� mom?� I asked and at first, Adam gave me confused eyes. I waited and watched as he worked out the equation in his head until the look of realization dawned across his young face.

�Really?� He asked in a meek voice and I nodded.

�Really.� I said and motioned with my hand to John, �Adam, this is John Winchester�your father.�

Instead of hanging around for the family reunion� I walked out of the kitchen, gave Adam (who was still in shock) a quick hug and kissed him on the top of his head before heading for the front door.

It wasn�t cowardice that forced me to hurry and get the hell out�I just had to leave as quickly as possible before my female body took over my brain and caused the waterworks to start up. Ever since I was big enough to talk, I�d never been very�girly. I was very much a tomboy�so when I felt my emotions threatening to make me tear up, I�d leave. Which is exactly why I was already out the door.

I grabbed my bags and hauled them to the driveway where I noticed the old black �67 parked next to my white �70 Impala. I eyed the beast carefully, enjoying its lines as I unlocked the driver�s side door to my car, opened it, reached inside and unlocked the back door so I could throw my stuff inside. I remember it being so much bigger�like some dark, mechanical beast on wheels�but I was a lot shorter back then�

As I was closing the back door and making sure it was locked I sensed someone walking up behind me.

�Adam already in the shower?� I asked, my back still facing him when I finally turned around to meet John�s eyes.

�Yea how�d you know that?� John inquired while peering around me to the white beast I stood next to.

�I�ve taught Adam to jump in the shower as soon as he got home because I didn�t want his stink all over the house.� I replied with a slight smile and leaned back against my car. �He�s gonna be hittin� puberty soon and I�d rather he by hygienically friendly then smellin� like last weeks garbage.�

John grew a smile that appeared to be impressed when he said, �Sounds very military.�

�I�ve been told that.� I answered softly and shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

�So this beast is yours?� He asked and we both knew he was stalling me�again.

�Of course.� I said and smirked, crossing my arms. �You think Kate would part with her little minivan?� I chimed and watched him give a small smile. �Hell, she was pissed when I first brought her home. Said she was gonna be too much work for a young woman my age.�

�When was this?� John asked and made a point to lean back against the frame of his �67, mirroring me.

I smiled, �Last year. Been workin� on her ever since.� I said and gently patted the back door with my left hand, �finally got her ready for the road.�

�So you�re leavin� then.� He stated and I nodded. �You�re not going to say goodbye to Adam?�

I narrowed my eyes, clenched my jaws, inwardly fighting back the flood of tears that wanted to blur my vision. �I�ll call him when I reach where I�m goin�.� I replied and shifted my weight from my right foot to my left. �Besides�they don�t need me anymore. Adam�s old enough to get back and forth from school without injury, knows how to feed and cloth himself. He also knows how to protect himself because I wouldn�t let him be a punching bag for bullies. And hey, with me gone�it�ll make it easier on Kate. One less mouth to feed, you know? So it works out.�

John had that thoughtful look on his face again before he asked, �still got that piece of paper?�

�Yea,� I said and dug it out of the pocket I stuffed it in.

�Can I see it for a second?� John asked so I handed it to him. I watched as he scribbled something else on the back and went to hand it back to me when he paused and locked eyes with me, �You want to learn how to be a Hunter, call this number.�

I furrowed my brow and looked at the number along with the name. �Bobby?� I asked and got a very strong sense of familiarity with that name. So before I could stop myself I said, �good friend of yours?�

John didn�t show the surprise he felt when he looked at me. �That�s right.� John replied, �we�re not exactly on the best terms right now�but you can trust him. If you tell him how you got his number, tell�em only that I�d sent you and make him swear to keep it close to the chest. Bobby�s a stubborn sonuvabitch and won�t like it, but he�ll understand.�

I nodded and slipped the piece of paper back into my jacket and went to get into my car when John reached over and took hold of my arm stopping me. I turned my head and looked up, giving him a quirked brow.

He smiled and asked, �you gonna at least give this old man a hug before you leave?�

I searched his eyes, knowing he was never good with goodbye. I turned toward him and tried to keep my emotions from flooding to the surface.

I sighed, shaking my head and finally wrapped my arms around him. Before I knew it, John was holding me like it was the last time he was ever going to see me. Instead of recoiling or pulling away, I embraced the closeness, letting him know without words�that I had missed my Dad�

�Take care, old man.� I said playfully, hiding the tension in my voice by clearing my throat. �Tell Kate�Mom�I just needed my space, that I�ll be alright and I�ll visit.�

John nodded his head but kept his arms wrapped around me when he replied, �I will�but I only ask that the day you meet my boys, don�t��

He trailed off for a moment so I finished his thought for him. �I won�t tell them even though I don�t think it�s right.� I said and could feel him struggle with his emotions, �It�ll be alright John. I promise.�

He pulled away then and it was the first time I had ever seen tears in his eyes. It broke my heart to see it, so I kept my composure and gave him a genuine smile, telling him that I understood.

�You take care of yourself, understand?� John chimed, his voice a tad bit raspier then before. �No pickin� up any stragglers, no matter how desperate they seem. You just keep driving and don�t look back.�

The ferocity of his words really got to me. �Easy John, I know what I�m doing.� I said, my brow furrowed, �I�m a big Girl and if you remember, I�ve never been afraid of the things that go bump in the night.�

He thought about what I just said and let out a half hearted chuckle, �I remember.� He said and his eyes became haunted, �this is different Tora�those things are real�and they won�t think twice about killing you.�

Hearing him say that brought a small stream of bile up into the back of my throat. I made a face, hiding the fear I was feeling at his warning and added, �I know.�

�I�m not trying to scare you, I just want you safe.� He explained and paused as his eyes softened, �you�re going into a dangerous way of life now Tora�and it�s anything but safe. Especially for a young woman. I just want you to take care of yourself and when you meet Bobby, you listen to that old man. He knows the trade and he�s the best Hunter I know.�

I nodded, �I will.� I replied and thought of something. �I uh, kinda�snagged your number after Kate called you� Mind if I give you ring every once in awhile to let you know I�m alive?� I asked and watched a small smile pull at his lips. �In case you visit Adam and he asks how I�m doin��

John stuck his hands in his pockets. �Don�t see how it could hurt.� He replied and I couldn�t help but mirror the smile he gave me.

* * * * *

The last thing I saw while driving away�was the look in his eyes. There were so many emotions just looking back at me�so much pain. I wonder now if I should�ve stayed�maybe just for a little longer.

Maybe I could have stopped what happened to Mom and Adam so many years later�maybe�

* * * * *End Part One* * * * *
- 1
- 2
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Not A Winchester