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If Only...	By : Joules Category: S through Z > Swamp Thing: The Series Views: 929 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Swamp Thing, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-If Only...
- 1
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. I wish they did - oh, how I wish they did...

     For SwampThingFan, who said: "I have to say, I really regret never slashing Alec and Arcane. They're really

my other OTP. I could never really get past the whole "Alec's a giant plant" thing, though..."

     Standard disclaimer applies. This takes place during the episode Changes.

And of course, I've twisted canon for my own nefarious purposes, although since consistency was never a great concern in

the series I'm sure I can be forgiven. The story is set at the end of the 1970s: things were different back then. I apologise in

advance for any errors in the American educational system and the details of life at the university. There's only so much I

can research online, especially regarding life thirty-odd years ago!

     I wondered... What was Arcane like as a young man? What happened to turn him

into the psychopath he later became?

          If Only...

     'Damn it, Arcane! What happened to you? You were brilliant, the most brilliant young

scientist I knew. I envied you!'

     Arcane folded his arms protectively across his chest and uttered a mirthless huff of

laughter.

     'You envied me.'

     'You had a unique gift. But you've wasted it. You used your talents for acts of cruelty

and destruction. Where is that pure scientist I knew as a young man?'

     There was, fleetingly, a hint of pain in Arcane's eyes, and Alec winced imperceptibly.

The Brit's voice was harsh.

     'He grew up. Faced the realities of the world � which is something as a plant or a man

you've never been able to do.'

     'Maybe you're right. You're a lost cause. Get out of my sight.'

     Anne had panicked, but Alec knew Arcane. When the younger man returned, too

intrigued to allow himself to be simply dismissed, Alec had taken advantage of the offer of the use of his lab to work on the

bio-restorative formula that Arcane so desperately wanted. It was, after all, one of the best, and best-equipped,

laboratories in the world.

     While Anne sweet-talked Graham into a false sense of security in her attempt to

sabotage that deadly synthetic virus, Alec � intensely aware of how little time he had � watched Arcane at work in one of

the side-rooms, watched his elegant hands moving with practised efficiency. He'd always loved those hands...

     Alec Holland was puzzled, and that wasn't something that happened often. The boy �

young man really, but he had a certain wide-eyed, alien innocence that made him appear younger than his seventeen years

and that Alec found rather endearing � was very much a fish out of water, as he himself would say. British, tall and coltish

with a mane of long thick hair, and very pretty � which had caused not a little awkwardness outside of class � he was

astonishingly intelligent but hopelessly inept when it came to normal, everyday social skills. Alec couldn't decide whether it

was the result of an overly-sheltered upbringing, natural shyness, or arrogance. Or possibly all three.

     Anton Arcane � Arcane? What sort of a name was that? � had

arrived part way through the first semester, been dumped into many of the same classes as Alec � which had come as an

unpleasant surprise since Alec was three years into his course � and been pretty much left to fend for himself. It was clear

he hadn't the first clue how to do so, and Alec had taken pity on him, lending him his own notes so he could catch up.

Arcane � he didn't like being called by his first name � had at first refused, but then accepted ungraciously when he realised

he couldn't cope without some assistance...

     He'd returned the notes with several large areas crossed through, his own corrections

written in the margins in a neat small hand, and at first Alec had been furious. Then he'd read some of what had been

written, his startlement growing as he realised that Arcane was quite correct. God, the boy must be a genius! He'd sought

him out after the next lecture they had together and suggested they go for a coffee. Or a tea, if Arcane preferred: Alec knew

a good café where the tea was supposed to be served the British way. Arcane had accepted, stiffly and with no

little suspicion, and Alec had taken him off-campus to a little place he'd discovered soon after arriving at MIT.

     It was quiet, and sedate, and Arcane had gradually relaxed as he sipped some 'quite

acceptable' Earl Grey from a pure white bone china cup. Alec watched, intrigued and curious, as tension seemed to slowly

ebb from the thin, intense young man. After a few minutes of silence Arcane poured himself another cup and eyed Alec

sombrely through the curl of steam that drifted up from the bergamot-scented liquid.

     'It's so nice not to be under scrutiny.'

     Ah.

     Alec smiled.

     'It can be a bit stressful, can't it. Such a busy, noisy, crowded place.'

     'I don't mind the noise so much. It's the stares...'

     Alec chuckled.

     'Hey, you're a novelty. Give us time, we'll get used to you. You'll get some peace after

that.'

     Arcane offered a non-committal shrug and took another sip of tea. Alec took a

swallow of coffee and leaned forward slightly.

     'I wondered about those notes...'

     Arcane tensed up again, his expression tightening. Alec raised his hand and shook his

head.

     'No, no, I'm not complaining! In fact, I wanted to thank you. You were quite right, on

all counts.'

     Arcane offered a quick sour smile.

     'I always am. People don't usually like it.'

     Alec laughed.

     'People in general don't like having their mistakes pointed out to them.'

     'A stupid attitude. How will they ever learn if they ignore their shortcomings?'

     Alec blinked, but didn't want to alienate the boy so tried to let it slide. Although he

couldn't resist offering some protest, however minor. 'Well, there are ways of making the message a little

more palatable... But anyway... Where did you learn that proof?'

     Arcane actually smiled, a real, genuine smile. It lit up his face and, Alec was startled to

realise, made him look extremely attractive.

     'I was tutored by Carl Mirador.'

     Alec was momentarily shocked. That meant that firstly, he was in the company of a

truly exceptional mind, as Mirador was renowned for his disdain of 'lesser mortals' as he referred to the vast majority of the

human race, and secondly, that Arcane's family had to be extremely wealthy to afford the great man's services. He whistled

quietly and grinned.

     'Wow.'

     Arcane nodded gravely.

     'A remarkable mind, truly remarkable. I owe him so very much.'

     'What I wouldn't have given to learn from him...'

     Arcane eyed his companion for a moment, then inclined his head, his tone hesitant.

     'If you like... I could show you some of his other proofs...'

     Alec nodded gravely.

     'Thank you. I'd be honoured.'

     Arcane offered a small smile.

     'Perhaps at the weekend? If you have no other commitments?'

     'I'll be sure to keep my diary free...'

     Arcane was living in Baker House � in a single room. Alec had raised his

eyebrows.

     'Since when do freshmen get single rooms?'

     'Mother insisted. And gave the college a lot of money to ensure it, as she kept telling

me. I don't like sharing.'

     Why am I not surprised? Alec nodded. 'Can't say I blame you.' He gazed

around the room, which revealed very little of Arcane's personality: the walls were blank except for class and lab schedules,

and there were none of the personal bits and pieces you'd expect in a student dorm. 'Haven't had time to settle in yet?'

     Arcane eyed him uneasily.

     'Of course I have. This is how I like things � clean and simple.'

     Somehow that didn't quite ring true, but Alec didn't want to push his luck. He was

intrigued by his prickly new acquaintance, and eager to explore that keen intellect.

     'Do you want to talk here?' Alec hoped not � it was more like a doctor's waiting room

than a student's lodging. His heart sank when Arcane nodded and gestured to his desk, where a stack of notes was held

down by a large stone � no, not a stone, Alec realised as he seated himself in one of the two chairs, a fossil. A goodly-sized

trilobite in near perfect condition, in fact. He touched it gently.

     'That's a beauty.'

     'It is, isn't it?' Arcane placed it carefully beside the papers. 'Comes in handy here and

there. Now, what can I show you first?'

     Alec had been so engrossed he'd forgotten the time, until his stomach rumbled,

reminding him he hadn't eaten since breakfast. He grinned at Arcane.

     'Sorry. Think we ought to break for lunch?'

     The young genius looked up from the formulae he was perusing and inclined his

head.

     'Well, if you think you need something...'

     'I think it would be good for both of us. Wouldn't hurt you to put on a little weight,

and I think better when my stomach isn't growling at me!'

     Arcane pouted.

     'Put on weight? I don't need to do that. Why do you think I need to do that?'

     Alec shook his head.

     'No, of course not. I just meant...' He floundered for a moment. 'You're going to feel

cold in the winter.'

     He winced: it was hardly the most rational reason he could have come up with.

Arcane just stared.

     'I'm British. We're on almost the same latitude as Moscow. And that's what winter

clothing is for.'

     'Yeah... sorry... I'd like something to eat, anyway. Want to join me? We can

talk while we eat.'

     Arcane hesitated, then reluctantly nodded. Alec watched as he carefully gathered the

papers together and locked them in a desk drawer.

     'They're really important to you, aren't they?'

     'The most important thing I own.' Arcane gazed at his companion for a moment. His

eyes, Alec noted, were quite beautiful, sometimes grey, sometimes green depending on how the light caught, with pale,

almost silver streaks in them. 'I hope to be as great as Mirador, one day.'

     'You're in the best place to accomplish that!'

     'I hope so...'

     Alec rested a hand on a skinny shoulder, pulling back when Arcane flinched. The

natural psychologist in him wondered - did Arcane just not like to be touched, or was there more to it? Or was it just a

British thing?

     'Trust me � you are. Now, where shall we eat?'

     In his own dorm, later that evening, Alec lay back with his arms behind his head. It

had been a fascinating day: after lunch he'd managed to persuade Arcane to take a walk with him while they discussed the

possible repercussions of several of the papers they'd read, and discovered that they were fairly well-matched, intellectually.

And that when Arcane got carried away by his own enthusiasm he became a different person: energised, lively, his eyes

wide and sparkling, elegant hands gesturing eloquently to reinforce his arguments. It was charming, in an old-fashioned way,

and Alec couldn't fail to respond in the same manner...

     'Hey Holland!' A cheery voice broke in on his meditations. 'Where you been

today?'

     Alec grinned at his roommate.

     'Met up with Arcane.'

     Ericson thought for a moment, then frowned.

     'What, that stuck-up little British fag? What the fuck for?'

     'He's not stuck-up, just shy.'

     'He's a fucking fairy.'

     'You don't know that.'

     'It's pretty fuckin' obvious!'

     'Have you tried talking to him?'

     'Fuck no! What'd I want to do that for?'

     'He's interesting. And very intelligent.'

     'And here I thought you was straight.'

     Alec threw a pillow at him.

     'Oh don't be such a jerk. The guy's OK.'

     Ericson snorted.

     'Heh, you wanna be careful. Don't want you getting a reputation now, do

you?'

     'With my record with the ladies? Not gonna happen.'

     'Yeah, well, you watch yourself anyway.' He tossed the pillow back. 'I'm gonna watch

the game � wanna come?'

     Alec pulled himself upright.

     'No � I've got a report needs finishing before Monday's lab. I'll pass.'

     'Suit yourself. See you later.'

     Rather to his dismay, Alec found that his roommate's opinion on the subject of

Arcane's sexual orientation was the norm. Everyone believed he was both arrogant and gay. And while that might

not have been an insuperable problem in itself, his overall attitude was so seemingly haughty and unapproachable that even

students who'd never met him had formed the same impression.

     It worried Alec. Arcane was touchy and aloof, yes, but he wasn't malicious, didn't

pose any kind of a threat. If anything, he was far too innocent, too green, to cope with the rigours of campus life.

     And that astounding mind needed to be protected.

     He met Arcane at the Monday biology lab. To his alarm the young Brit was looking

pale and fragile.

     'You OK? You look tired. Got enough sleep?'

     Arcane tensed, then tried to smile.

     'Thank you, I'm fine. Late night studying.'

     Alec nodded, unconvinced.

     'Anything I can help you with?'

     Arcane stared at him for a moment, and Alec could have sworn he was fighting back

tears. Then he shook his head.

     'No. But thank you.' He turned to the Petrie dishes on the bench in front of them.

'Perhaps we ought to prepare...'

     Arcane was jumpy all through the lab, flinching at loud noises and almost cringing

when anyone came near. By the end of the morning Alec was seriously concerned about him.

     'Want to join me for lunch?'

     It was almost subliminal, but Arcane's gaze flickered to the door, widened in what

could have been fear, then returned to Alec as he tried to smile.

     'If it's no inconvenience...'

     'Nope � be glad of the company.'

     Arcane swallowed and relaxed fractionally.

     'Thank you.'

     The Lobdell Food Court was as busy as ever, but they eventually found a seat in the

caf� and Alec bought them both a coffee and a sandwich. He grinned as he seated himself opposite the Brit.

     'That'll perk you up.'

     Arcane sipped the brew cautiously, then took a longer swallow.

     'Thank you. There are times when tea just isn't strong enough.'

     Alec nodded and leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table.

     'So � you want to tell me what's wrong?'

     Arcane flinched and tensed.

     'Nothing.'

     'Oh come on � you're as twitchy as a nun at a porn show. Something's upset you.' He

frowned. 'Or someone. Someone been hassling you?'

     Arcane lowered his gaze and chewed on a knuckle for a moment before shaking his

head. His voice was an almost inaudible murmur.

     'I can't tell you. Can't tell anyone. It'll make it worse.'

     Alec felt his fist clenching under the table. He hated cruelty of any kind, but the

torment that one human being could inflict on another, weaker one was cause for particular loathing.

     'Arcane, you should report it.'

     The Brit looked up, his expression tense and miserable.

     'It's been the same all the way through my life. I shouldn't have expected this to be any

different. No one cares. When I tried to say, before, they just told me it would toughen me up, make me a man.'

     Alec wondered who 'they' were. Arcane's parents? His friends? Assuming he had

any, that is. Alec thought it unlikely. Even he had difficulty sometimes keeping up with Arcane's mind: anyone of less ability

would simply be left behind, and that, coupled with his general attitude, would not make the boy popular.

     'Hey, I care.'

     Arcane eyed him dejectedly.

     'But you can't do anything. And why would you want to? You're popular, athletic,

bright, people look up to you, you have a great future ahead of you � why should you care?'

     'Because I don't like to see anyone ill-treated, dammit...'

     'Well well, Holland. Arguing with your boyfriend, now? In public?'

     Alec glared back over his shoulder: his roommate was standing behind him leering.

     'Fuck off, Ericson.'

     'No, no. I'll go.' Arcane had stood hastily, his pale face colouring. 'I wouldn't want to

come between friends.'

     He almost scuttled out of the caf�, Alec's called 'Wait! Arcane, wait a minute...'

ignored. Ericson sniggered, reached up and laid a heavy hand on Alec's shoulder.

     ''Come between friends'? Heh. Told you he was a fag.'

     Alec shoved the hand roughly from his shoulder.

     'You can be a real dick sometimes, you know that?'

     Ericson stared, then frowned.

     'Hey, you not turnin' queer on me, are ya?'

     Alec snorted derisively. 'Yeah right � like that'll ever happen.' He sighed. 'Look, the

guy's in some sort of trouble. I was just trying to help.'

     'Big-hearted Holland. Always got an eye for helpin' the underdog.'

     Alec eyed him coldly.

     'Y'know, I always thought that was what made America great.'

     'Yeah, well, he's not American, is he?'

     'What difference does that make?'

     'He's not one of us, is he. He'll be off back to England when he's finished here. Takin'

the benefits of our education back with him.'

     'Education he's paying for! For God's sake Ericson, give the guy a break! He's

intelligent, he's lonely, he's in a strange land and someone's giving him grief. Is that the sort of impression you want

us to give to foreigners?'

     'Well, no, but...'

     'But nothing. Now drop it.'

     Grumbling, Ericson changed the subject to football as they walked back to afternoon

classes.

     Alec didn't see Arcane for a couple of days: the Brit was minoring in geology and

mineralogy, for which Alec had not opted. He caught up with the younger man on Thursday afternoon at the physics lab.

     Arcane looked dreadful, pallid, with dark shadows around his eyes � what you could

see of them under the hair that flopped over his forehead. He looked like he'd lost weight too. Concerned, Alec tried a

friendly smile.

     'Hey, I'm sorry about Ericson. He can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.'

     Arcane shook his head without meeting Alec's eyes.

     'Doesn't matter.' He reached for a book, and as his shirt-sleeve pulled back Alec

caught a glimpse of the bruising on his wrist. He laid a hand gently on Arcane's arm � an arm that was trembling, he noticed

� and carefully pushed the sleeve back further.

     Five dark purple bruises, the size and shape of strong fingers. Alec looked into

Arcane's wide, fearful eyes as the Brit yanked his hand back and pulled down the sleeve.

     'Arcane...'

     'Don't.' It was whispered, and Arcane sounded close to tears. 'Just... don't...'

     'C'mon, man, that's assault! Who was it?'

     But Arcane just shook his head, and at that point the lecturer arrived, forcing Alec to

drop the subject for the next few hours.

     At the end of the lab Arcane had shown signs of wanting to flee, but Alec had gently

but firmly stopped him by laying an arm across his shoulders. He'd gritted his teeth and forced himself to ignore the sudden

tension in Arcane's back and neck, the fear in the smaller man's face.

     'We need to talk. I'm not going to hurt you, but you can't go on like this.'

     'I...'

     'Just come with me. I'll take you back to your room � you'll feel safer there.'

     '... not after last night...'

     Alec froze.

     'They broke in?'

     'Had a key.'

     Oh shit. 'OK. How about coming back to mine?'

     'Your roommate doesn't like me.'

     And he'd be there, studying, Alec knew. He sighed.

     'Yours, then. I'll be with you. You'll be OK.'

     Arcane was trembling as he practically crept up to his room, opening the door as

quietly as he could. Alec stepped inside before the Brit could enter, examining the room quickly then turning back to

Arcane.

     'It's OK. Empty.'

     Arcane stumbled over to the bed and sank down onto the edge, burying his face in his

hands. Alec sat close, but not so close as to crowd him, and rested a hand very lightly on his shoulder.

     'Tell me what happened.'

     Arcane bit back what sounded suspiciously like a sob, and bit a knuckle, shaking his

head.

     'I can't.'

     'Sure you can.'

     'But...' He swiftly rubbed at his eyes, keeping his head down and trying to keep the

action inconspicuous � but misery seemed to roll from him in waves, and Alec felt suddenly intensely protective. He moved

a little closer and slid his arm across the narrow shoulders.

     'Arcane... Anton... I'm a friend. I'm not going to push, but you really need to tell me

what happened. I can help.'

     Hopeless, glistening eyes turned to meet Alec's own.

     'Can you? I don't think anyone can.'

     'Let me try. Please. Who was it? What did they do?'

     Arcane shuddered...

     Alec paced quietly, occasionally turning to frown at the thin figure sleeping restlessly

on the bed. It seemed it was the first proper sleep Arcane had had in four days � if you could call it 'proper'.

     But he could see Anton's difficulty. The ones who'd assaulted him � well, they were

upperclassmen, golden boys with so-far flawless records. And the incident wasn't actually what the university authorities

would consider serious: yes, they'd obtained a key, gained access, dragged Arcane out of bed, stripped him and held him

down on the floor then taken it in turns to piss on him � but worse things had been known to happen during hazing. That

Arcane had been terrified, humiliated and traumatised really wouldn't count for much. After all, he hadn't actually been

hurt, had he?

     Alec could hear it now � 'soft' Brit, should toughen up, worse things happened in real

life, just a prank, what was all the fuss about... He growled quietly to himself and paused in his pacing to stare down at the

young man.

     So pretty. So vulnerable. So frighteningly intelligent. So completely unsuited for life in

the real world. He should be ensconced in some high academic tower to allow his imagination and genius free rein, freed

from earthly concerns...

     Alec grinned wryly to himself. Yeah, right... maybe a few centuries ago. Here and

now... He sighed.

     Well, he'd just have to keep an eye on Arcane. Do what he could to protect him. He

wondered if the boy would agree to moving into a double: with a roommate the incident was much less likely to be

repeated. He'd suggest it when the Brit woke up. In the meantime...

     He'd promised he'd stay here while Arcane slept � the young Brit hadn't asked it of

him, but it was clear from his body language he didn't want to be left alone in this room. The armchair was the standard

student furniture, reasonably comfortable: if he could find something to occupy himself Alec could manage well enough until

Arcane woke up. There should be something to read amongst the books on the shelves above the desk.

     Even given what was expected of MIT students, Arcane was taking a bewilderingly

broad selection of subjects, Alec noted. He wasn't surprised, though he did wonder if perhaps the Brit was trying to cram

too much into his time. At the end of the top row, nestling between Advanced Physics: Materials and Mechanics

and the Practical Handbook of Physical Properties of Rocks & Minerals was a slim black volume with no title on

the spine: curious, Alec slid it from the shelf. The plain cover had no title either. Well, it wasn't locked away, so presumably

Arcane didn't consider it private... Alec settled himself in the chair and opened the little book.

     Photographs. The first few pages simply contained photographs. A smiling man who

looked very much like Arcane, and was probably the Brit's father. A woman with a hard face and unfriendly eyes who was

probably his mother. A photograph of a shaggy-haired little boy with wide eyes and a shy smile standing in front of

Mirador, the great man's hand resting on his shoulder. The same little boy, a few years older and looking considerably less

happy, sitting stiffly on a sofa beside the woman. Postcards of artworks � a bust of Archimedes, a portrait of Galileo, of

Newton, of Darwin, of Marie Curie, of James Watson, that photograph of Einstein on the bicycle. The pictures were

followed by handwriting, Arcane's, small and neat, but in a language Alec didn't recognise. He frowned at it for a few

minutes: it looked disturbingly familiar... His brow cleared as he realised that it was English written backwards. Heh,

he should have guessed, given Arcane's heroes: Leonardo had written his notes backwards too. Painstakingly he began to

read.

Father left today. Mother blamed me. Said I was a vile little beast with no heart. But she was the one that drove him away.

I miss him. Why did he leave me behind?

     Despite his overwhelming curiosity Alec stopped reading and closed the book

decisively. It was obviously private after all, and he absolutely did not want to damage the trust developing between them.

He noted the date though � ten years ago. Arcane Senior had left when Anton was seven.

     Alec glanced at the figure on the bed. Poor little bastard. No wonder he had issues.

He carefully replaced the book and instead settled down to some physics.

     A couple of hours later the sound of Arcane whimpering distracted him from his

reading, and he glanced in the direction of the bed. The young man was writhing, apparently in the grip of a nightmare, and

Alec moved to sit on the edge of the mattress. He laid a hand tentatively on the Brit's shoulder: Arcane bolted upright with a

trembling cry and shoved himself as far away as he could. Alec quickly raised his hands.

     'Shhh, shhh, it's only me. I won't hurt you. You were dreaming...'

     Arcane was gasping, his breath hitching � then he buried his face in his hands.

     'S... sorry...'

     Alec watched helplessly as the young man tried to fight back his tears, then sighed

and, unsure of his reception but desperate to do something reassuring, moved to very carefully take Arcane into his

arms.

     To his utter surprise the young Brit snaked skinny arms around his shoulders and held

on desperately, burying his face in Alec's chest as he sobbed soundlessly.

     Alec petted his hair, shushing him gently.

     'It's OK. I won't let anyone hurt you.'

     Arcane shook his head and cried harder. Alec pulled him a little closer and rocked

slightly, murmuring soothingly while he waited for Arcane to recover.

     Fifteen minutes later the young Brit pulled back a little and gazed shamefacedly up into

compassionate eyes. His own were red, swollen and bloodshot, his voice thick and snuffling.

     'Sorry...'

     Alec stroked his hair then handed him a handkerchief.

     'Hey, it's OK. It was a horrible thing to have to go through. You're entitled to a bit of

a breakdown. I won't tell anyone if you won't.'

     Arcane chuckled weakly and moved out of Alec's arms, blowing his nose with

surprising delicacy.

     'Ta.'

     'You're welcome.' He scrutinised the younger man closely. 'Feel better?'

     'Yes. Thank you.'

     'Good. Feel up to talking?'

     'About what?'

     'Moving somewhere safer.'

     'But...'

     Alec waved a hand around the room.

     'This isn't really safe, you know � especially if you don't want to report them. You'd

be much better off in a shared room.'

     Arcane paled.

     'But... I don't know anyone except you. And you have a roommate.'

     'I'm sure we can find you someone you'll like.'

     Arcane's lips quivered.

     'No-one likes me.'

     'You haven't given them much of a chance to get to know you.'

     Arcane lowered his gaze, his shoulders slumping.

     'They all think I'm a poof.'

     A moment's silence, then Alec asked quietly,

     'Are you?'

     Arcane looked up at him, expression woebegone.

     'I don't know.'

     'You... how can you not know?'

     Arcane's head lowered again.

     'Because I've never felt anything like that for anyone, male or female.'

     Oh... well, there were a variety of conditions that could cause such late development.

From what he'd gathered tonight Arcane's home life had been very unhappy, which was probably also a factor...

     'Hm. I see. Well, it's nothing to worry about.'

     'Easy for you to say.'

     Alec winced: the last thing the young Brit needed right now was useless, patronising

platitudes.

     'Sorry. Stupid thing to say.' He sighed. 'Perhaps we should see a counsellor? About

the room, at least.'

     'Is that necessary?'

     'They are confidential, you know. Like doctors. He wouldn't say anything.'

     Arcane's hand went to his mouth, teeth worrying at his thumb knuckle for a moment

as he thought about the idea. Then he nodded, reluctantly. Alec smiled.

     'Tomorrow?'

     'Yes...' Arcane's eyes widened as he noticed the time � four a.m. 'I'm sorry. You've

had no sleep...'

     'It's OK. I have a late start in the morning: I'll grab a nap first.'

     Arcane swung long legs off the bed.

     'Then I shall get to the library to study. That way you can go now and get a few more

hours.'

     Alec frowned.

     'Are you sure?'

     Arcane nodded firmly.

     'It's not fair for me to take up so much of your time. I will be fine. I've had enough

sleep for now.'

     He still looked like death warmed over to Alec, but he was a lot calmer and very

determined.

     'OK. I'll see you in chemistry lab in the morning, and at lunchtime we'll go see college

services.'

     By the time they met up Arcane was looking wan but composed, and a lot less tense.

He managed a smile as Alec arrived and scrutinised him.

     'You OK?'

     He nodded.

     'Thank you.'

     'Welcome. Still up to seeing if you can move?'

     The smile slipped a little.

     'Do you really think it's necessary?'

     'I think it would be safer for you. But we'll see the counsellor first. We don't need to

tell him any names or details if you don't want to.'

     'I'd rather not.'

     'OK.' He settled himself as the lecturer arrived and the class began. 'We'll talk

later.'

     As it happened, they'd seen a female counsellor, a Janet Martin, who'd been very

gentle, almost motherly with Arcane. She'd listened to his halting recitation sympathetically and asked if he wanted to report

the incident, nodding understandingly when he'd said no. Under the circumstances, she was happy to recommend a change

of residence, but it would take her a day or so to get it organised. Did Anton want to sleep somewhere else, temporarily?

     He'd hesitated, and Alec had stepped in.

     'If it's only for a day or so, I don't mind sleeping in the room with him.'

     Janet had eyed him, frowning slightly, and he nodded in answer to the silent question.

Yes, he really did think there was a danger of a repeat performance. She smiled.

     'Very well. I'm sure we can get authority for it on this occasion.'

     She'd seen them out of the office, expressing her hope that Arcane wouldn't let this

incident overshadow what could and should be a wonderful period in his life, and she'd be in touch very soon with the

details.

     'See? That wasn't so bad, was it?'

     Arcane was shaking very slightly, but offered a relieved smile.

     'A lot less traumatic than I had expected.' The smile faltered. 'But I'm still uncertain

about the wisdom of sharing. I... like my privacy...'

     'I'm sure she'll find someone who'll respect that. I mean, she's not going to dump you

in a room with a party-animal!'

     Arcane raised an eyebrow.

     'Oh good...'

     Alec chuckled.

     'C'mon. You can buy me lunch.'

     When they arrived at Arcane's room that afternoon, an army cot was resting on its

side against the wall. Alec nodded.

     'She's organised! I'll pick up my sleeping bag and things after dinner.' He glanced at

Arcane. 'You OK with this?'

     The young man shrugged.

     'It seems I have to get used to sleeping with someone else in the room. That will be

easier with you than with a complete stranger, to start with. Are you going to be all right? That doesn't look very

comfortable.'

     'Nah, I'll be fine. I'm used to camping.' He checked his watch. 'Bit early for dinner.

What did you have planned?'

     'I need to study. I... wasn't able to concentrate very well for the last few days. I need

to catch up.'

     'Library for you then? Or do you want to work here?'

     The Brit couldn't help a small shudder.

     'Library.'

     'Good. I'll meet you at the entrance at... eight? Then we'll go eat.'

     Not wanting to trudge all the way back to Next House after dinner, Alec had brought

what he needed with him. Arcane had eyed his overstuffed backpack with some bemusement, but refrained from

commenting. They ate at Baker House in a slightly strained silence � Alec was still somewhat concerned by how little

Arcane seemed to eat, but after last time thought it best not to mention it � and made their way up to the room...

     Alec assumed Arcane would be reticent about undressing in front of another person,

so wasn't surprised when he changed in the bathroom, reappearing in pyjamas and a weird long robe that he referred to as

a 'dressing gown'. Alec had readied the cot, which proved to be quite comfortable once he'd used his bedroll as a mattress,

and stripped down to his underwear without thinking � which might have been a mistake, he realised when Arcane stared

for a moment, then blushed and averted his eyes as he slipped out of the dressing gown and climbed into bed. Alec slid into

his sleeping bag and settled himself, then glanced over at his temporary roommate. Arcane was watching him, expression a

little apprehensive. Alec smiled at him.

     'Want to talk for a bit? Or are you too tired?'

     'I... what about?'

     'Well, you could tell me a bit about yourself. We've been working side by side for

over a month and I still don't know much about you.'

     Arcane hesitated, then shrugged.

     'Not much to tell...'

     His voice trailed off, and Alec didn't push it. If Arcane didn't feel comfortable talking

about himself... well, maybe one day.

     'Let's just get some sleep then. I know I need it.' He yawned, surprising

himself. 'I'll see you in the morning. G'night.'

     He closed his eyes and snuggled down into the sleeping bag as Arcane switched off

the lamp, but sleep was slow in coming, given the unfamiliar situation. And Arcane seemed to be afraid to move, or even

breathe too loudly. Neither of them managed a decent night's rest, and as the sun rose Alec sighed and sat up, gazing in

Arcane's direction. He kept his voice to a whisper.

     'You awake?'

     Arcane pushed himself up onto one elbow, his voice a murmur.

     'Yes. I'm sorry � did I keep you awake?'

     Alec grinned, raising his voice a little.

     'No. Just the strange surroundings. Did you get any sleep?'

     '... not much...'

     'Well, we could skip study today and sleep in. I don't think one day would hurt.'

     Arcane's eyes widened in horror.

     'I can't do that!'

     Alec frowned, eyes flickering to the bookshelves. Actually, with the number of

subjects Arcane was taking, he probably really couldn't.

     'But you haven't had a decent sleep in a week.'

     Arcane's face assumed an odd, frozen expression. His voice was emotionless as he

replied.

     'I'm used to it.'

     What was that all about? Alec wondered, but thought it best to keep

his curiosity to himself.

     'OK... want an early breakfast?'

     'Not really.'

     'I do. Come and keep me company...'

     By the time Arcane had showered and dressed and they'd walked to the food court

the caf� was open, if deserted. Arcane collected coffee, orange juice, fried egg and waffles for Alec and scrambled eggs

with toast for himself and joined his companion at the table, eyeing the heavy-eyed American with some dismay.

     'You're half asleep.'

     Alec yawned and nodded.

     'It's the weekend. I can catch up later. You should too.' he added, frowning at the

shadows around Arcane's eyes. The Brit waved a hand dismissively.

     'Tomorrow. I still have to study.'

     'Are you sure you aren't trying to do too much? Spreading yourself a bit thin, as they

say?'

     Arcane lowered his gaze and took a sip of the juice, then poked at the scrambled

eggs.

     'I can cope.'

     'I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't. I was just wondering why you're taking

on so much.'

     Arcane glanced up at him quickly then returned his gaze to his plate.

     'I... need to. I need to learn as much as I can as quickly as possible.'

     'To be like Mirador?'

     'That would be a bonus. But I love knowledge for its own sake. I want to know

everything.' His voice became almost wistful. 'I wish there was a way of transferring information directly from brain

to brain. Think how much time and energy one could save � and how much more immediate and intimate the learning would

be...' He shook himself, and his voice became tinged with anxiety. 'I need to be independent.'

     'You can do that without running yourself into the ground.'

     'I know, but... it took a lot of work, of persuasion, to be allowed to come here. I

don't know if I'd be... I mean,' he made a vague, all-encompassing gesture, 'mother is providing all this. If I don't make a

success of it, she will cut me off.'

     Alec nodded thoughtfully: it was the most personal tidbit of information Arcane had

yet let loose.

     'Difficult situation. It's not cheap here.'

     'Quite.'

     'And there's no one else who could help? No other family?'

     Arcane shook his head.

     'Father's... not with us any more.'

     'I'm sorry.'

     'So was I...' The younger man was silent and withdrawn for a few moments, then

shook himself. 'He's an industrialist. A brilliant man, they tell me. Self-taught until he won a scholarship to Cambridge. He

designed and developed a number of industrial processes, made an awful lot of money from them.'

     'You're proud of him.'

     '... I want him to be proud of me.'

     Alec drank his cooling coffee.

     'What about your mom?'

     Arcane flinched, and Alec touched his arm gently.

     'Sorry. Didn't mean to pry.'

     'It's all right. I shouldn't be churlish, not after you've been so kind. She's from an old

aristocratic family; she inherited her money. As I understand it, father left money in trust for me, to be used for my education

while I'm underage and the balance released to me on my twenty-first birthday.' He sighed. 'Very traditional, my

parents.'

     Alec nodded, intrigued � and making the most of this little one-to-one, as he strongly

suspected Arcane's rare unguarded openness had a lot to do with his evident exhaustion and may never happen again.

     'What's she like?'

     Arcane tiredly rubbed a hand over his eyes.

     'She's... nothing's ever good enough. Not ever. She expects perfection. She

gets angry when it's not forthcoming.'

     'And she takes it out on you?'

     Arcane's 'yes' was a long sigh. 'It's... emotional these days, rather than physical,

although she'll still use a riding crop if I've done something very... disappointing. She did a lot when I was

younger.'

     It was Alec's turn to flinch � he'd always found the thought of corporal punishment

appalling. 'But emotional abuse can be much worse.'

     Arcane's voice was a low, hopeless murmur.

     'She makes me feel I'm worthless.'

     Alec watched sadly as with trembling hands Arcane cupped his mug and took a shaky

swallow. How could anyone treat their child so abominably? Especially one as bright and promising as

Arcane? No wonder the kid felt driven to prove himself � and no wonder he couldn't relate socially to others.

     'I'll help you all I can.'

     Arcane raised his eyes, frowning slightly.

     'Why?'

     'Because you have a brilliant mind. I don't want to see it go to waste. And because... I

think you're OK.'

     Arcane blinked � then blushed and lowered his head. Alec could only just hear his

reply.

     'I don't understand why. But thank you.'

     Alec reached across the table and patted his shoulder.

     'Any time. Now, I think we should get moving. If you really insist on studying, I'll get

back to my own room and catch up on some sleep. Then later, if you like, I'll get some reading done while you sleep.

Unless you want to make yourself stay awake until tonight, and we'll try to get back to some sort of normal pattern.'

     'That... might be more sensible.'

     'OK.' Alec glanced down at Arcane's plate: once again he'd hardly eaten anything.

'Where will you be? I'll come collect you for lunch.'

     'Hayden. Science Library. Chemistry section.'

     'OK. One o'clock?'

     'That would be fine.'

     Ericson was just stirring as Alec let himself in. He grunted and opened one eye.

     'Where the fuck did you spend the night?'

     'Arcane's.'

     Ericson sat up so quickly his bed rocked.

     'You... what? What the fuck?'

     Alec glowered at him.

     'No, not the fuck. Remember I told you he was in trouble? Some assholes attacked

him. He's being moved somewhere safer, but until services can organise it, I'm sleeping over to make sure nothing else

happens.'

     Ericson stared, eyes and mouth wide open.

     'Please tell me you didn't... sleep with him?'

     Exasperated, Alec thumped his shoulder hard.

     'No, asshole, of course I didn't. I'm on the floor.'

     Rubbing his bruised shoulder Ericson gave an exaggerated phew! of relief.

     'Thank God for that!'

     Alec slumped onto the edge of his bed and shoved a hand through his hair.

     'I gotta sleep.' He grabbed for his alarm clock, setting it for midday, then stood up to

undress. He paused as he caught sight of Ericson: his roommate was watching him curiously but warily. 'What?'

     'You didn't sleep last night?'

     'Hey, you try sleeping on a cot in a strange room with a frightened freshman.

Poor kid was too nervous to sleep, and that kept me awake.'

     'Oh.'

     'And I don't want you disturbing me either!'

     'OK. I got practise this morning anyway.'

     'Good.' Alec climbed into bed, immediately relaxing. 'Don't slam the door on your

way out.'

     Alec groaned as the alarm went off. His five hour sleep felt more like five

minutes...

     One quick shower and a change of clothes later he felt a little more human, however,

and headed off to the Library � where he found Arcane with his head in a book. Using it as a pillow. He'd fallen asleep.

     Alec chuckled quietly and rested a hand on the boy's shoulder. Arcane sighed and

groggily opened his eyes, jerking upright when he realised where he was.

     'Oh damn.'

     'It's OK. You're the only one here. Know how long you were asleep?'

     The Brit rubbed his eyes.

     'I remember half eleven, and it's nearly one now... Not long.'

     'How did the studying go?'

     'Fine. I covered what I'd missed, and I can remember it all, so it must have sunk in

before I dropped off.' He stretched, unconsciously graceful. 'And I do feel a little hungry now.'

     'Great! Let's go eat.'

     To Alec's satisfaction Arcane did actually eat a decent meal. A small one, but it was

healthy and filling, and he even managed dessert � an apple. Over their coffee Alec tried probing a little more into the Brit's

family.

     'So, you told me about your mom and dad � any brothers or sisters?'

     Arcane's eyes widened, then he frowned, then winced.

     'I talked too much, didn't I... I was tired...'

     'Hey, it's OK, you didn't rattle any skeletons. I'm just sorry you weren't as happy as

you should have been, as every child should be.'

     Arcane eyed Alec for a moment, then decided he was being honest and relaxed

again.

     'No, no siblings. No other family either. My grandparents on both sides are dead, and

my parents were only children.'

     'That's a shame. I've got three brothers, and about a dozen cousins. It's nice being

part of a big family. 'Course, we all get along just fine, otherwise it wouldn't be so good.'

     Arcane rested his cheek on his hand, elbow on the table, head tilted curiously.

     'And your parents?'

     'Dad has his own legal firm over in Portland, Oregon. Mom was an accountant before

she married dad. Gave it up to be a wife and mother, but I think she's happy.'

     'That's nice.'

     'Yeah. I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, but we talk every week or so by

phone.'

     'I envy you.'

     Alec eyed him sombrely.

     'I'm sorry.'

     Arcane smiled mirthlessly.

     'It's not your fault. And there are many worse off than me.'

     'All the same...'

     'I should get back to the Library.'

     'Don't you want to sleep?'

     'I think your idea of trying to get back to regular sleeping patterns is a good one. I

should be able to stay awake, now I've replenished my blood sugar levels.'

     Alec chuckled.

     'OK. I'll see you later then.'

     They both slept much more soundly that night.

     Alec woke at eight, as was usual for a Sunday morning, to find Arcane already up and

at his desk, engrossed in quantum theory, pen skating quickly across the notebook beside him. Alec groaned.

     'You're making me look bad! Do you ever stop working?'

     Arcane glanced over his shoulder and smiled.

     'Not often, no.'

     'Ah well... I'm going to chapel. Want to come?'

     Arcane swivelled in his chair and stared at his temporary roommate.

     'You're religious?'

     '... kinda. Not to any fanatical degree. I take it you're not, then.'

     'I can't see how any rational mind can believe in something that cannot be proven to

exist.'

     'Quarks?'

     'Their existence can be proven mathematically. Gods can't.'

     Alec grinned.

     'You have a point. Well, I've always gone on a Sunday morning. I don't feel any need

to change the habit of a lifetime. You're welcome to join me. If not, will you be OK by yourself for an hour?'

     Arcane's expression became haunted.

     'I think I will retire to the Library.'

     'Sure. Shall I come find you for lunch again?'

     Arcane considered the question, then nodded.

     'I would like that.'

     '... so we had to spend the entire afternoon digging the damned dog out of the hole,

and I spent the rest of the trip sneezing my head off!' Alec finished with a flourish of his hands.

     Arcane was laughing, his eyes sparkling.

     'Oh dear... I have never been camping or hunting. You make it sound like a lot of fun.

Except for the allergies, anyway.'

     'It's great. But you have to be with the right people. Otherwise it can be a complete

disaster.'

     'I can imagine...' Arcane sighed, his smile becoming melancholy. 'I've never had a

holiday � not like that. I remember being taken to museums and art galleries and lectures all over Europe, but none of it was

ever fun.'

     Alec blinked.

     'How old were you?'

     Arcane frowned pensively.

     'Both of my parents were there � so it must have been before I was seven.'

     'Fuck. Anton, that's just cruel.'

     Arcane managed a fragile smile.

     'It was instructive.'

     Alec shook his head in disgust.

     'Right. You need some fun. We need to do something silly.'

     Arcane's expression became apprehensive.

     '... what do you have in mind?'

     'Dunno yet. Let me think about it...' His agile mind weighing options, Alec drank the

last of his coffee, then grinned. 'Let's go to a movie.'

     Arcane stared at the marquee with something approaching horror.

     '... Attack... of the Killer... Tomatoes? Alec, what the hell is this?'

     Alec chuckled.

     'It's a B-movie of the very finest quality.'

     'But...'

     Alec took a firm grip of the young Brit's shoulder and guided him into the run-down

cinema.

     'Trust me, it's exactly what we need after a stressful week and a good Sunday

lunch...'

     A couple of hours later they re-emerged into the bright afternoon. Arcane looked

stunned.

     'That... that was...'

     'Yup!' Alec grinned triumphantly. 'Great, wasn't it?'

     'But... it made no sense!'

     'It's not supposed to. You're supposed to find it funny.'

     'Oh.' Arcane shrugged helplessly. 'Perhaps you have to be American...'

     'OK � what do you find funny then?'

     'I don't have much experience... Monty Python, what I've seen of it.'

     'They're even more surreal than Killer Tomatoes!'

     'Yes, but... it's different... somehow...'

     Alec nodded gravely.

     'Then I shall make it my mission to introduce you to as many B-movies as I can. And

to continue your education, next week they're showing the sequel � Return of the Killer Tomatoes!'

     Arcane shuddered.

     'Must I?'

     'I insist! Your education won't be complete without it.'

     '... what did I do to deserve this...?'

     By Wednesday evening Alec had grown used to sharing the room with Arcane, and

was very happy to see that the young Brit had also become comfortable having someone there. It boded well for his settling

into a double, once Ms Martin had found him a roommate. It was fun, too, seeing the serious and intense young man

gradually open and relax, his shyness receding a little as he became more accustomed to interacting with his fellow students.

Even Ericson commented on the difference.

     'Y'know, I'm wondering if we were all wrong and he's not a fag after all.'

     Alec eyed him sardonically.

     'Wonders will never cease!'

     Ericson mock-scowled.

     'Yeah, well, I'm still not 100% sure.' He hesitated for a moment, then grunted. 'Have

to admit, when he's not being all stand-offish, he's kinda cute. Like a... a squirrel or somethin'.'

     Alec stared for a moment, then doubled over clutching his stomach as he roared with

laughter. Oh dear. He'd better not tell Arcane, the Brit would be mortified!

     On Friday afternoon Janet Martin called them both to her office. She greeted them

with a smile and turned to a student standing at the side of her desk.

     'This is Oliver Sanderson.'

     Arcane nodded, offering a small but friendly smile, which Sanderson returned.

     'We've met. We share some of the same classes.'

     'Good, good... it's taken a bit of juggling, but we can now offer you a bed in Oliver's

dorm, and he's said he's happy to have you as roommate. It's just a double,' she added as Arcane's expression turned

apprehensive. 'You wouldn't be sharing with anyone else. There is one disadvantage though: it's still in Baker House.'

     Alec frowned. Half the exercise had been to get Arcane out of Baker House so he

was less easily accessible to his attackers. But the Brit laid a hand on his arm.

     'It's fine, Alec. I like Baker House. It's felt more like home this past week, thanks to

you. I'll take care not to be there by myself if I can possibly avoid it. I'm sure it will be all right.' He turned to Ms Martin.

'Thank you. I appreciate your efforts on my behalf.'

     She smiled fondly.

     'Well, if we're all happy, let's get the paperwork done. Then you can move straight

in.'

     Alec caught Arcane's shoulder and leaned in to murmur to him quietly.

     'Anton, you absolutely sure you're happy with this?'

     The young man nodded.

     'I'm sure. Sanderson and I get on reasonably well already. His father is English and

he's spent quite a lot of time in London, which gives us some common ground. And while he's not at quite my intellectual

level, he's good, intelligent and enquiring. He's asked some very penetrating questions in some of our classes, things I hadn't

thought of.'

     Alec shook his head, bemused.

     'Your priorities are fascinating, Anton... Well, if you're sure, that's great. I'm still going

to keep an eye on you, though. I hope we'll still take labs together. And I trust we'll still be able to meet up for lunch once in

a while.'

     'Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world!' He tilted his head. 'I really do appreciate

everything you've done for me, Alec. This last week has been most intriguing.'

     Alec clapped him gently on the shoulder.

     'I'm glad. And you're welcome!'

     Ericson looked up from his desk.

     'You're back? Your little pet get himself re-homed?'

     'Yeah. He should be OK now.'

     'Good. Still gonna keep an eye on him?'

     'Yes. For a little while, anyway. Just to be sure.'

     'Wuss. You're not his dad you know.'

     Alec threw a cushion at him.

     'Get back to work, slacker...'

     It felt strange to Alec, not having Arcane there. He'd grown used to having the

young Brit an almost constant companion over the last week. Not that he regretted the situation � no, of course not, it was

much better for Anton to have a roommate his own age. But... Alec couldn't lie to himself. He missed the boy. He was a

delight once you got to know him.

     It was nice to have a proper bed again, though.

     Alec didn't see Arcane until the following Monday biology lab. The Brit looked fairly

relaxed and had obviously caught up on some sleep: Alec grinned, and was elated to see the answering smile.

     'So, everything OK?'

     Arcane nodded.

     'I was surprised, but it was a lot less difficult than I feared. Oliver is quiet and

considerate, and we get on just fine.' He inclined his head. 'He's not as much fun as you, though.'

     Alec felt a strange little jolt of pleasure at the words, and realised that he had actually

felt jealous that someone else was sharing Anton's company. Which was ridiculous! He had absolutely no right to

feel proprietary about the young man. He made himself grin.

     'Ah, he'll improve as you get to know each other.'

     'I don't think so. He doesn't have much of a sense of humour.'

     'Neither did you. You learned.'

     'I suppose so. But I had you as a teacher. I don't think I'm going to be much cop as a

humour meister... I'm sorry that we missed our film.'

     'Film?' Alec snapped his fingers. 'Ah, of course, Return of the Killer Tomatoes. Still

want to see it?'

     'Of course.'

     'It'll still be showing next weekend. Want to go Saturday?'

     'That would be fine.'

     'Great!'

     'And would you join me for lunch after the lab?'

     'Sure will!' Alec turned to the front as the lecturer arrived, feeling inordinately pleased

that Arcane still wanted his company.

     They settled into a comfortable routine, meeting up for most lunches and dining

together several times a week. Sometimes Oliver joined them: he was a nice kid, Alec decided, polite, modest and bright,

though neither as pretty nor as intelligent as Arcane. Then again, there weren't many who were.

     And they made a point of spending one afternoon every couple of weekends at the

cinema, watching dreadful films...

     As the days grew shorter and Christmas approached, Alec began to wonder what

Arcane had planned for the holidays. He was half-tempted to invite him home to Oregon � his folks wouldn't mind, and it

might be fun for the Brit to experience an American Christmas.

     On the other hand... did he really want to inflict his brothers on the poor kid?

     Probably not such a good idea.

     But in fact Arcane was under orders to fly back to the UK to spend the holiday at

home. He wasn't looking forward to it.

     'Christmas... well, we don't really celebrate it, not since father left. And it wasn't a lot

of fun before then. He and mother used to argue all the time, so the atmosphere was always... tense. It... simmered

with a sort of unspoken violence. I was always frightened, afraid to speak or draw attention to myself in case I was

punished. And there were never any presents, or decorations, the sorts of things most children could expect. We went to

church, then went back to the house for dinner. In the afternoon, usually some of father's friends or colleagues came to visit,

and I was sent up to my room. After they'd left I'd hear my parents shouting at each other...' He shuddered. 'And after

father left, she took her venom out on me.' He shoved a hand through his hair. 'I really don't want to go. Maybe next year

I'll be able to stay here instead.'

     Alec nodded sympathetically.

     'You'll be back for winter session though, won't you?'

     Arcane's expression was grim.

     'I have no intention of staying in England any longer than I have to.'

     'Good. I'll make sure I'm back too � perhaps we can have a late Christmas, do

something to make up for it.' He frowned. 'Can you meet up with Oliver while you're home?'

     Arcane sighed.

     'He's spending the entire holiday in Switzerland with his father.'

     'Damn. OK then, we'll see what we can do in the New Year.'

     'Thank you, Alec. It's good to know I have something to look forward to...'

     Christmas came and went, and the New Year was born with all its hope and

optimism. Wrapped in the cocoon of his family's love, Alec still fretted over Arcane's fate, wishing he had invited the

boy to visit. He made sure he was at Logan to meet the flight from the UK, fidgeting impatiently as people streamed through

the arrivals gate...

     Ah, there he was... Alec's heart sank. He'd lost weight, and was looking pale and

exhausted and fragile again... Damn.

     Alec strode forwards, pulling the startled Brit into a hug.

     'It's good to see you again, Anton.'

     For a moment Arcane resisted, then slumped against his friend, some of the tension

leaving his thin body.

     'Alec...'

     The American grabbed Arcane's case from his hand and, still with an arm around his

shoulders, led him in the direction of the exit.

     'C'mon. Let's get you home.'

     'So Oliver won't be back until February?'

     Arcane shook his head.

     'He's spending some time with his family. His grandfather died just before

Christmas.'

     'So you'd be alone in the room.'

     Arcane swallowed nervously.

     'Yes...'

     Alec grinned.

     'Then you can room with me until he returns.'

     'What about your roommate?'

     'He won't be coming back. Got an offer he couldn't refuse to play professionally and

he took it.'

     Arcane stared disbelievingly.

     'What a waste...'

     'Eh, it happens. It's convenient for us though. At least, I assume you're OK with the

idea?'

     'Definitely.'

     'Great!'

     The campus was quiet: less than half of the students had returned for the winter

session. Alec guided Arcane up to his room, flinging the door open with a flourish.

     'Home sweet home.'

     'I thought your home was in Oregon.'

     'OK � home, sweet spiritual and academic home, then.'

     'Ah, I see.' Arcane surveyed the room. 'This is nice.'

     'It's warm and comfortable.' He dropped Arcane's case on the free bed. 'Don't know

about you, but I'm hungry. Let's get some chow before we do anything else.'

     Alec watched as Arcane visibly relaxed, tension ebbing from him as he tucked into a

double hamburger. By the time he'd finished he looked simply exhausted rather than at the point of collapse. Alec raised his

coffee mug in a toast.

     'Welcome back. Would it be safe to ask how your holiday went?'

     Arcane shuddered.

     'It was horrible. I'd much rather hear about yours...'

     Back in the room Alec had put some classical music on very quietly and switched on

the lamps: the room was peaceful and warm, the light muted. Arcane stood at the window, gazing out into the swirling

snow, a mug of hot chocolate cupped in his hands. His sigh was melancholy.

     'I wish I could have been there with you. Mother spent the entire holiday alternately

ignoring me or screaming what a cold, selfish monster I was, a waste of space and a drain on resources that could be much

better employed.' He shivered, and Alec's heart went out to him. 'I don't understand, Alec.' He glanced over his shoulder,

eyes wide and pained. 'Why does she hate me? Am I really such a horrible person?'

     Alec moved to stand behind him, arms loosely circling his shoulders.

     'No, Anton. You are anything but horrible.' He laid his cheek very gently on the Brit's

hair. 'You're bright and beautiful and loveable.' He chuckled. 'Though it does take a bit of an effort to get to know

that...'

     Arcane unconsciously leaned back against the strong body behind him, resting his

head against a broad shoulder.

     'I am not used to feeling safe. But I have always felt safe with you.'

     Alec twisted slightly to kiss his cheek.

     'That makes me very happy.'

     Arcane tensed.

     'Alec...?'

     The American abruptly let go and stepped back hurriedly.

     'I'm sorry.... sorry...'

     Arcane turned to face him, expression wary.

     '.... what... why?'

     Alec stepped back another pace, hands raised, palms outwards.

     'I'm sorry, Anton. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. It's just � you've known so little

love, so little affection... I wanted... it was just a... a brotherly kiss. I didn't mean anything more by it.'

     Arcane was staring, his stance and expression strangely immobile.

     '... loveable. You said... bright and beautiful and loveable...'

     Alec nodded.

     'Well, yes.'

     'But...'

     Alec shook his head irritably.

     'I don't care what other people have led you to believe. I've seen the real you, and

it's...' He shrugged helplessly. 'A thing to be cherished.'

     Arcane swallowed and bent down to put his mug carefully on the floor, then took a

halting step forward.

     'Do... do you mind...?'

     Puzzled, Alec held his arms wide � blinking when Arcane almost lunged at him,

wrapping trembling arms around his chest and nestling as closely as he could to the American's strong body.

     Alec sighed and pulled him closer, settling the Brit's head under his chin and stroking

the thick silky hair.

     'Anton...' Poor little bastard. Deprived of love all his life, of course he's

going to grab for the first sign of affection he's ever known. He nuzzled Arcane's hair, then realised the boy was

crying.

     'Hey, come now, it's OK.'

     'No it's not...' Arcane raised wet eyes to his. 'I've missed nearly eighteen bloody years

of this. I knew I was starving � I just didn't know what for...'

     Alec held him tighter, heart aching as Arcane sobbed against him.

     Ten minutes or so later the Brit managed to bring his emotions under control �

although it could simply have been exhaustion, Alec thought, as Arcane slumped tiredly. He pressed a kiss to the young

man's hair.

     'You need to sleep.'

     Arcane nodded, sniffing, then looked up at Alec with heavy eyes.

     'Will you sleep with me?'

     '... what...?'

     'I mean, I don't want to let go. And I don't want you to let go. I... I'd just like to

know, just once, what it's like to feel safe and protected while I sleep.'

     Alec nodded.

     'Of course.' He pulled back a little, chuckling silently when Arcane's grip tightened.

'You'll have to let go while we get changed though. Unless you want to sleep fully clothed...'

     Reluctantly Arcane released his hold and nodded.

     'I suppose. It's not comfy, sleeping in clothes.'

     Alec smiled.

     'Bathroom?'

     Arcane nodded tiredly.

     'Yes...'

     Twenty minutes later they were curled together in Alec's bed, Arcane in pyjamas

sound asleep with his head resting on a broad shoulder, arm across Alec's chest and one leg resting on his thigh...

     And Alec had a problem.

     He'd never considered himself to be the least bit attracted to men before � but lying

here with Arcane in his arms he was thoroughly aroused. And he couldn't do anything about it. If he moved,

Arcane's hold tightened. The Brit was not about to let him escape.

     Alec sighed and resigned himself to a sleepless night. It was worth it for Arcane to feel

safe for once.

     And he was nice to hold. Smelt nice too. And the feel of his breathing was so

soothing... Before he realised it Alec had fallen asleep.

     It was late morning when he woke, aching from sleeping in the same position all night.

Arcane was still snuggled up to him, and still sound asleep � and with a hard, hot erection pressed into his thigh.

     Alec swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. It was just a morning hard-on, he knew �

hell, he had one himself � but it was so fucking sexy. He lay as still as he could, wondering what the hell to do.

When Arcane realised he was going to be so embarrassed...

     Alec tried to move as slowly and inconspicuously as possible, but to no avail: Arcane

simply clung more tightly. And his breathing had changed: he was rousing.

     Alec froze as the Brit began to move against him, sighing happily, erection rubbing

against his leg. In an agony of indecision Alec held his breath � should he wake the boy, or just let him finish and later

pretend he'd been asleep and missed it?

     He yelped as Arcane's hand slipped down from where it was wrapped around his ribs

to come to rest over his own erection, long elegant fingers wrapping the hard flesh through Alec's shorts and squeezing

gently. Alec gritted his teeth, torn between stopping this right now! and simply lying still and enjoying it.

     Arcane's other hand slid under Alec's body and grasped his waist, holding him still as

slim hips thrust more powerfully, grinding the boy's erection harder against a muscular thigh while the hand around Alec's

penis tightened and loosened rhythmically. It was all too strange and alien and erotic, and Alec was unable to contain

himself, coming with a bitten back groan as his arm around Arcane's shoulder reached down to press against a lean

buttock, pushing the thin body more firmly against himself. Arcane gasped and shuddered as he climaxed � then, still asleep,

he slumped and snuggled back into Alec's embrace, nuzzling the man's shoulder.

     Alec lay on his back, quivering with the aftershock of his orgasm, staring wide-eyed at

the ceiling. That was... that had been... Fuck... He glanced down at Arcane, who had a small, contented smile on his

face.

     OK. How to handle this? If he could extricate himself he could go wash up and

Arcane need never be any the wiser. In fact, if he sat at the desk and looked like he was working, he could probably avoid

any awkwardness altogether. That would be the best plan.

     'Mmmmmm...'

     Oh shit! He was waking up... Alec tried to disentangle himself but Arcane's

hand was still loosely wrapped around his spent penis, the other still holding his waist... There was no escape. He rolled his

eyes and mentally surrendered.

     The hand at his groin squeezed gently � then froze as the rest of Arcane's body

tensed.

     'Alec?' It was a tiny, fearful whimper. Alec sighed and kissed the top of the boy's

head.

     'Good morning.'

     'Oh bloody hell, Alec... I didn't... please tell me I was dreaming...'

     He sounded distraught, and Alec brought his other arm up to enfold the boy.

     'It's OK, Anton. You were asleep, so I guess you were dreaming. And I guess it was

a good dream.'

     '... I'm sorry...' He tried to pull away. 'I'll go. I'll understand if you never want to speak

to me again...'

     Alec gently hauled him back, gazing into frightened, hunted eyes.

     'Now why should I want that?'

     'But...' Arcane suddenly realised he was still holding Alec intimately and quickly

moved his hand away as his face reddened with embarrassment. Alec chuckled quietly and kissed his forehead.

     'Anton, I really don't mind. It was... an interesting way to wake up. A very

pleasant way.'

     'But you aren't gay! It was... it was a kind of assault, surely?' He chewed on his thumb

knuckle. 'You could... lodge a complaint if you wanted...'

     'You were asleep. You weren't consciously aware of what you were doing. It wasn't

assault. And there is no way on this earth I'm going to blame you for it.'

     Arcane was trembling: Alec stroked his back, trying to calm him.

     'I'd say you needed it. At any rate, you looked so calm and peaceful afterwards.'

     Arcane's face reddened even more as he abruptly became aware of the stickiness at

his own groin.

     'Hell... I... I'm sorry...'

     He buried his face in his hands. Alec sighed and pulled him a little closer.

     'Look, how's about we get up, go shower, and get some brunch, hm? Do something

normal and familiar.' He had to admit, if only to himself, that the thought of staying here in bed was much more

appealing, especially since the snow outside had thickened, but Arcane still seemed appalled by the situation.

     'If... if you think that would be best...'

     It took all Alec's willpower to not try to kiss away that fearful, woebegone expression.

He sighed, closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Arcane's.

     'We'll talk about this later, OK?'

     The Brit tried very hard to smile.

     'Okay.'

     Alec slowly released him, and Arcane pushed himself up to sit cross-legged at the

American's side. Alec grinned up at him.

     'Want me to wash your back?'

     Arcane eyed him warily, then managed a small smile.

     'Maybe next time.'

     Leaving Alec gaping after him, he scrambled off the bed and dived for the

bathroom.

     Arcane kept his head lowered as they sat over brunch, nervously avoiding Alec's

eyes. The American sighed silently.

     'Anton, honestly, it's OK.'

     The Brit nodded, still looking at his plate.

     'I believe you.'

     'Then what's the problem?'

     'That... that I did it in the first place. I mean � what does that make me? It's not like I

was dreaming you were female...'

     Ah. OK, that made sense. Alec tentatively laid a hand on Arcane's wrist.

     'All it means is that you're... waking up. Sexually, I mean.'

     The younger man sank his head into his hands.

     'Oh bloody hell... What if I am gay? Mother will disown me. Cut me off. I'll

have no future...'

     Alec blinked.

     'Why would you need to tell her? Your preferences are none of her damned

business.'

     'But...' Arcane paused, then lifted his head and gazed at Alec, a faint frown on his

face. 'Not tell her...' He shivered. 'I've never... I mean, it's almost like she can read minds. I've never had any secrets from

her.'

     'Then perhaps it's about time.' Alec shook his head. 'I'm not saying it's good to lie, or

to hide things from people you love and trust � but it really doesn't sound like you love or trust her very much. As far as I

can see, she's made your life miserable. Do you really think you owe her anything?'

     Arcane chewed on his knuckle, eyes pensive.

     'I know that if father hadn't left instructions for me to receive the best education

possible, and Mirador said that meant here, she'd never have let me leave.'

     'Do you love her?'

     'She's my mother...'

     'And kids are supposed to love their mothers, yes, I know. But does she deserve

it?'

     '... no...'

     Alec watched as Arcane struggled with the notion, wondering if the Brit's warped

relationship with his mother might be the cause of his delayed development � and why his first sexual experience ended up

being with a man. If you can't trust your mother, can you really bring yourself to trust any woman?

     'Alec?' Arcane's voice was quavering: he sounded suddenly very young and

unsure.

     'Yeah?'

     'Does this... does it mean I am gay?'

     'I don't know. How do you feel?'

     Arcane sighed and closed his eyes.

     'Confused.' He rested his chin in his cupped hand and eyed Alec unhappily. 'It was

wonderful feeling so warm and safe. And...' he blushed 'I did enjoy it. At least, I don't feel... I would have thought I

should feel... guilty or something?'

     'Hm. How do you feel about girls?'

     'I don't really know any. The ones I've met here mostly ignore me. The two or three I

get on with act more like boys. They're only interested in their studies.'

     Alec nodded: that made sense. He couldn't imagine Anton having any comprehension

of � or patience with � the sort of things his female cousins seemed to be interested in, clothes and makeup and boyfriends.

He frowned pensively.

     'I think it's too early to tell. What happened was a mistake, really.'

     Arcane's face fell.

     'Oh.'

     Alec sighed and shook his head.

     'No, don't get me wrong. It was... very, very pleasant. But you have to remember

you're a minor, which makes any kind of sex between us a criminal act on my part, and homosexuality is illegal in

Massachusetts anyway.'

     Arcane was staring at him.

     'How do you know that?'

     Alec grinned mirthlessly.

     'Dad's law firm. I used to help type out reports on cases. It's surprising what you can

pick up.'

     'Oh. But... surely what we did could really only be called... what is it... mutual...

masturbation? Surely that's not criminal?'

     Alec glanced quickly around the dining room. There were only a few people there, but

it still might be more sensible to finish this conversation back in the dorm. He rose to his feet, quickly followed by the

anxious Arcane.

     'Alec?'

     'It's OK � but I think we should get back to the room. Fewer ears.'

     'Oh. Yes, of course...'

     Minutes later, back in Alec's room, Arcane was pacing nervously, chewing on a

knuckle.

     'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any problems.'

     Alec sighed and tried to reassure him yet again.

     'Anton, you haven't...'

     'It didn't feel like a criminal act to me.' He paused and gazed at Alec, expression

fearful. 'It felt good. It felt very good. I'd like to do it again. But I can't. You'll get into trouble. That's so bloody

unfair...'

     Alec grabbed his shoulders and glowered at him.

     'Anton, calm down. What we did was pretty much totally innocent. It's really

nothing to worry about. I mean, are you going to tell anyone?'

     'Course not!'

     'Neither am I.'

     'But we can't do it again!'

     Alec eyed him appraisingly, realising with dismay that he'd really rather like to make a

habit of sleeping with Arcane in his arms... but the boy had pulled away and was pacing again, becoming increasingly

agitated.

     'I've never done anything illegal in my life! God, mother will kill me...' His hand

went to his mouth again, chewing frantically at a knuckle: too late Alec realised that he'd broken the skin and was bleeding.

'I want... I want...'

     He paused, trembling, panicking, eyes huge and glistening with incipient tears, and for

the first time Alec truly understood the 'deer in the headlights' metaphor. He gently laid his hands on Arcane's shoulders,

keeping his voice very low, trying to calm the young man.

     'Anton.... please...'

     Arcane gulped back a sob � and the next thing Alec knew he had a double-armful of

frantic young Brit apparently trying to crawl inside his skin. He stumbled backwards and fell onto the bed, Arcane in his lap

as the boy sought out his mouth.

     The rational part of Alec's mind noted distantly that the kiss was equal parts

desperation, passion and sheer hunger before his body took over, one hand twining in Arcane's hair, the other wrapped

around his back pulling him close. He could feel his lips bruising as Arcane whimpered and tried to claw himself even closer,

sucking at Alec's tongue as Alec responded with equal fervour.

     ... oh God... so delicious...

     And then Arcane tensed, pressing his groin tightly against Alec's belly, gasping and

shivering. Moments later he leaned back, eyes huge and horrified, and almost fell off the bed.

     '... oh fuck... oh fuckohfuckohfuck...'

     Alec grabbed him before he could slide down and hit the floor and hauled Arcane

back up onto his lap.

     'Anton? What...?'

     Arcane had both hands to his mouth, face ashen and tears tracking down his face.

Alec pulled his rigid, resisting body close, trying to calm him.

     'C'mon kid. It's OK.'

     'I...' Arcane shook his head, eyes tightly closed. 'I'm sorry.'

     Alec sighed and pulled Arcane's head down to rest on his shoulder, suddenly aware

of the dampness at the Brit's groin and the erection at his own.

     OK, now they might have a problem.

     He held the Brit comfortingly, stroking his hair, until Arcane pulled himself upright and

off Alec's lap. Sitting beside the American he scrubbed a hand across his eyes.

     'I'm sorry. I'm acting like a... a girl.'

     Alec shrugged.

     'It was a bit of an overreaction, but understandable.'

     'It's unfair to you.' Arcane twined his hands together, keeping his face averted. 'I want

you. But I don't want you to get into any trouble.'

     Alec stared at him, not sure whether to be horrified or flattered.

     'Anton, I'm sure you only feel that way because, as you've said yourself, you feel safe

with me. And I'm the first person you've had any kind of.... experience with. And I'm your friend. Maybe even the first real

friend you've ever had. If this had happened with a girl, you'd feel the same way towards her.'

     'But I'll never know, will I?'

     Oh fuck. Had he just wrecked Anton's chances of getting together with some nice,

intelligent young lady and having a normal life? Although... this was Anton he was talking about. He somehow

couldn't imagine Arcane having any kind of 'normal' life... Arcane was eyeing him miserably.

     'You don't want me.'

     'Anton, I'm not gay.'

     Arcane glowered at him.

     'Are you trying to convince me or yourself?'

     Where the hell had this attitude suddenly come from?!

     'I don't need to convince anyone. And I'm not convinced that you are, anyway.

You're... fixating on me because of the situation.'

     Arcane swivelled towards him and laid a hand against his face, smiling gently when

Alec didn't pull away.

     'Not entirely.' What was that supposed to mean? 'Alec, you are a

wonderful person. How can people not love you?'

     'Whoa whoa whoa! Where did love come into it?'

     Arcane nodded.

     'Sorry. Too strong a word perhaps. How can people not be very fond of you? Is that

better?'

     'Not really... Look, Anton, you're still upset, you had a miserable holiday, you've just

had a... a... traumatic experience, and you have nothing to gauge it against...'

     Arcane pouted sulkily.

     'You still haven't said how you feel.'

     'I... damn it all, Anton, I'm a ladies man!'

     'You said I was bright and beautiful and lovable. I thought you meant it.'

     'I did mean it!' God, Anton's moods were switching from second to

second, he couldn't keep up with them... 'But not that way!'

     Arcane rose to his feet and very deliberately slid back onto Alec's lap, facing him,

cupping the stunned American's face in both hands and kissing him, slowly and deeply. Gasping, Alec moaned and pulled

him closer. After a moment Arcane pulled back a little and rested one hand over the aching bulge at Alec's groin. His smile

was triumphant.

     'This says different.'

     Alec gritted his teeth.

     'Now you're being manipulative.'

     Arcane's hand froze, then lifted from his lap, and Alec was hard put not to groan at

the loss of the sensation.

     'You're right. And I really don't want you to get into trouble. I just... I admire

you. And I like you very much. And I feel safe with you. And I'm behaving like a selfish idiot.' He shifted to sit back beside

Alec. 'I'm sorry.' He glanced up into Alec's face, smiling tremblingly. 'And... you are very... attractive. And comfortable.

And desirable.'

     Alec sank his head into his hands. If Arcane had been female, he'd be calling him a

devious little minx right about now.

     'Anton...'

     'Shall I leave?'

     Alec gazed at him, surrendering with a sigh. Why was he trying to deny the attraction

anyway?

     'No, of course not. There'll have to be rules, though.'

     Arcane nodded and twisted to face Alec, expression attentive.

     'Of course.'

     'OK. First, we are not, I repeat not, going to have sex.' He frowned.

'Well, not illegal sex, anyway. I think what we've done so far is OK. Sort of. If we bend the definitions a little.'

     Arcane nodded again. Alec eyed him sternly.

     'And you absolutely will not act any differently towards me when we

are in public. I'm serious about that. Any kind of scandal will kill both our future careers and probably land me in jail.'

     Arcane paled and gnawed at another knuckle.

     'I promise.'

     'Good. Finally, we must both be absolutely free to date other people.' He held up a

hand as Arcane scowled and made to object. 'Anton, I have a reputation to maintain. If I suddenly stop showing any

interest in women it will be noticed and I'll be under suspicion. Besides,' he smiled crookedly, ' you're going to have

to accept that I like women. You're the only man I can conceive of ever wanting that way, but I'm not going

to give up women. Not for anyone.'

     Arcane smiled, only a little sourly.

     'Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive...'

     Alec raised an eyebrow.

     'And I suggest you get to know some girls too. You need to know what you're

missing.' And with a bit of luck that'll ease the pressure on me...

     Arcane sighed and inclined his head.

     'That's all very sensible. I agree.'

     'Good.' Alec uttered a heartfelt mental sigh of relief. That had been easier than he'd

expected.

     'So � does that mean I can move in here with you?'

     'What? No! After all we went through to get you moved in with Oliver?' Alec

tugged on his hair in frustration. Arcane frowned.

     'Oh. Yes, you're right, it would be suspicious, wouldn't it... But someone is bound to

move in here with you. How are we going to... um.... be together?'

     Alec could feel a headache starting. This was more complicated than he could have

believed possible.

     'OK... we're going to have to work out ways around that...' He scowled. 'Now wait a

minute. We're not having an affair here...'

     'Aren't we?'

     ... Oh damn. Arcane was right. That was exactly what they were planning.

     'We'll have to play it by ear, I guess.'

     Arcane's smile was disturbingly predatory.

     'Ah, stolen moments... Well, at least we have this room until Oliver returns � or you

get a new roommate.'

     True. And gazing at Arcane, Alec � despite all his numerous and weighty misgivings �

couldn't help but be fascinated with the situation. A little hesitantly Arcane knelt up on the bed and began to unbutton Alec's

shirt, then paused and gazed up into his new lover's eyes, his own wide and affectionate.

     'Is this all right?'

     Alec sighed and settled back on the bed.

     'Yeah � it's fine...'

     It had felt disturbing and alien to have Arcane undress him. The oddness of it almost

overwhelmed the frisson of forbidden pleasure � almost. Arcane was awkward to start with, his fingers trembling,

which made unbuttoning difficult, but when Alec tried to help the Brit batted his hands away. Peeling Alec's undershirt from

him Arcane paused, gaze drinking in the well-muscled chest, fingers tickling over the light dusting of hair, pinching the

nipples gently. Alec shivered, eyes closing as he moaned almost silently.

     'Anton...'

     A long finger across his lips silenced him, then Arcane leaned forward to lick at a

nipple, gently biting as his hands went to the zip on Alec's jeans. The American collapsed backwards onto the bed, toeing

off his footwear hurriedly and raising his hips for Arcane to pull off the jeans. Finally, lying flat, shorts stretched by his

erection, Alec watched as Arcane very slowly, very carefully released his rigid cock and eased off the white cotton

garment. Alec felt his face flushing as Arcane stared, unconsciously licking his lips.

     'You're wearing too much.'

     The words, although murmured, made Arcane flinch. Blushing, he dragged off his

pullover and hastily fumbled his shirt from his body � a lean, smooth, curiously hairless body, Alec saw, unsurprised. With

some difficulty Arcane wriggled out of his close-fitting Levis, easing the material over his erection then shoving both jeans

and black briefs down long legs. Seconds later he stood naked at Alec's bedside, head lowered and obviously trying very

hard not to cover his groin with his hands.

     Alec reached out and grasped his fingers.

     'Come here.' beautiful boy his mind added automatically.

     Startled, Arcane's head jerked up, gaze meeting Alec's, and he allowed himself to be

pulled closer, sliding onto the bed and kneeling at Alec's side.

     'Lie with me.'

     Shivering, Arcane eased himself down beside Alec, flinching as his cooler skin met the

American's warmth. Sighing, Alec turned onto his side and wrapped both arms around the Brit, hugging him close.

     Arcane tensed for a second. Then Alec slid a hand down his back, pulling him even

closer � and as their erections touched Arcane gasped and shuddered, almost melting against the bigger man. Alec cupped

a lean buttock in his broad hand and rolled his hips gently, rubbing his penis against the younger man's and chuckling when

Arcane sank surprisingly sharp nails into broad American shoulders and whimpered.

     '... oh god... Alec...'

     Alec slid his free hand down to encircle both cocks, squeezing gently, and Arcane bit

back a cry, arching his back then pushing the American over to lie flat, frantically scrabbling his way on top of Alec's body

and thrusting into the tunnel of the broad warm fingers.

     Alec sighed blissfully. Arcane fitted against him as though he'd been born to do so,

and was so skinny his weight was negligible... Arcane ran his hands through his lover's hair, gazing down at him, eyes almost

all pupil.

     '... Alec...'

     He nibbled at the American's jaw, his neck, his shoulders, his nipples, interspersing the

sharp little bits with kisses that just hinted at bruising, until Alec grabbed the back of his head and hauled him in for a real

kiss, tongue slowly exploring his mouth, aroused further by the little needy whimpers Arcane was making. And then he felt

Arcane's cock twitch and throb, and the Brit was coming, semen pulsing over Alec's hand, and the sheer alien thrill of it

spurred Alec's own climax as he enfolded Arcane tightly in his arms, breath shuddering as Arcane moaned and bit his

shoulder...

     It was several moments before their breathing slowed to normal. Arcane lay

completely limp, draped over Alec's larger frame, arms loosely twined around his neck, Alec's hands resting comfortably on

Arcane's buttocks. The Brit sighed contentedly.

     'Alec... how can something so divine possibly be illegal?'

     Alec nuzzled his hair.

     'Because you're too young.'

     'Bugger that...'

     Alec chuckled and kissed his forehead.

     'No, not for some years yet, and even then not here.'

     Arcane unconsciously wriggled his backside in a way that Alec found thoroughly

tempting.

     'Mmmm... A most intriguing thought...'

     'Don't hold it. We aren't going to risk it.'

     'Spoilsport.'

     'I mean it.'

     Arcane sighed and kissed him, slowly and softly. He'd learned the finer points of

kissing rather quickly, Alec thought to himself. Though whether this boded good or ill he wasn't prepared to consider right

now. Arcane nestled back against him.

     'I know. And I'll behave. I promise.'

     'I'll hold you to that.'

     Arcane raised his head and grinned mischievously.

     'I'd rather you held me to the bed. And in the shower. And a whole host of other

places I could think of.... I'll make a list.'

     Alec laughed.

     'You're incorrigible.'

     'Not yet. But I shall work on it.'

     Alec rolled them both onto their sides and kissed Arcane's nose.

     'We should really have showers...'

     'Why? We're only going to get sticky again later.'

     Alec stared at him, speechless. Arcane smirked and cuddled close � then shivered.

Alec sighed.

     'Well, if we're staying in bed we should get under the covers. It's snowing again.'

     Arcane wriggled against him, one hand tentatively squeezing a buttock.

     'It would be warmer...'
     Alec glanced down at Arcane, snuggled against him and sound asleep. It was going to be a while before he had caught

up on the all the rest he'd missed over the holidays...

     The American sighed and stroked his hair, then squirmed, grimacing. It was all very

well cuddling after... what they'd done, but Alec wasn't fond of the way dried semen clumped in your hair and then pulled

when you moved. It stung. He'd really much rather have had a shower before they'd settled. But he was sure he could talk

Arcane into it in future. After all, the boy was usually a stickler for hygiene.

     And for the moment... this was very nice. It really wasn't that much

different from post-coital snuggling with a woman. Well, except for the lack of breasts. And the differently shaped body.

And the penis and balls resting against his thigh. He sighed. So, not actually all that similar, then.

     But it felt very good. In fact, it felt so good he'd have to be very careful it didn't go too

far. Arcane was so responsive and so eager it would be easy to lose control. And he really must not.

     He took a deep, slow breath and closed his eyes. May as well get some sleep himself,

while he could.

     A warm hand was stroking his cock. He moaned and twitched and the hand wrapped

around his erection, squeezing firmly. Forcing his eyes open, Alec found Arcane smiling at him.

     'Hello.' The Brit leaned forwards to kiss him lightly. 'Now, where were we...?'

     For a moment Alec debated stopping him. Then he surrendered and gathered Arcane

to him. The boy nipped at his jaw.

     'This really is the nicest way to wake up...'

     Alec had to agree. But he really wanted a shower: Arcane's hand was tugging painfully

at tufts of hair stuck together with dried semen. He caught the boy's hand in his own.

     'Shower first.'

     Arcane pouted.

     'But...'

     But Alec was firm.

     'Shower, Anton.'

     The Brit sat up sulkily.

     'Oh very well.' He winced as his own matted pubic hair pulled painfully at his skin.

'Ah. I see.'

     Alec grinned.

     'Exactly.' He carefully swung his legs out of the bed and dragged on a robe as Arcane

fumbled in his case for his dressing gown, then caught the boy's hand and led him to the bathroom, knowing that at this time

of day, early evening, they could be fairly confident no-one else was around...

     Arcane grinned at him.

     'I assume I get to bathe you.'

     It was a delicious idea, and Alec nodded.

     'And I'll repay the favour.'

     'Of course you will.' Anton pulled the shower gel tube from his pocket: it was an

English variety Alec had never heard of, Radox, but it smelt appealingly herby. Arcane pushed Alec under the spray and

poured a small quantity in to his palm, then � to Alec's sighed delight � began to firmly and smoothly rub it all over the

American's body...

     It lathered beautifully, and Arcane, his expression serious and focused, worked it into

every inch of Alec's skin, caressing and scratching very lightly. It left the American shivering with arousal, cock straining for

Arcane's touch, which the Brit delayed, teasing Alec with tiny strokes and brief fondlings until Alec was ready to

scream.

     Finally the Brit wrapped both hands tightly around the erect flesh and pumped. Alec

cried out, gripped his shoulder, and came, back arched against the shower wall and eyes closed in bliss.

     He was aware of Arcane gently rinsing away his semen, washing his groin punctiliously

� then bending down to kiss and lick his penis. Eyes opening wide in shock, Alec gasped and grabbed Arcane's upper

arms.

     'What are you doing?'

     Arcane glanced up at him, one eyebrow raised.

     'What does it look like I'm doing? Honestly, Alec, if you don't know by now...'

     The American swallowed. It wasn't so much that Arcane's apparent habit of using his

teeth was worrying when it involved that particular body part, although that did flit fleetingly through Alec's mind, but the

sheer intimacy of it... Oh but it felt good...

     'We... we should... get back to the room...' before my knees buckle and I have

to crawl back...

     Arcane chuckled and stood upright, pressing his body to his lover.

     'Oh, all right, if you insist. Just give me a minute to wash.'

     He squeezed some of the gel onto his chest and began to rub briskly. Alec frowned.

Damn. He was supposed to be doing that. The American took another breath and took over the task, washing Arcane's

back, amazed at the silkiness of his skin. The boy leaned back, eyes closing. He looked, Alec thought, oddly like a cat

being stroked. He could almost hear Arcane purring...

     Oh but his body was beautiful, lean and smooth, but with a surprising hint of muscle

below the skin. He stroked gel over the boy's backside and thighs, and hesitantly between his legs � which nearly made

Arcane collapse � then turned the Brit around to tackle the front of his body.

     He had the most beautiful nipples. And the hair at his groin was thick and curly and

silky, cradling his balls. And his penis... perfectly proportioned, smaller than Alec's own, but not by much, uncut and sleek...

     Alec blushed furiously. He was standing here washing another man intimately and all

but worshipping his genitals. Perhaps he ought to revise his own perception of himself as being a ruler-straight ladies man

after all.

     But no. It was Arcane, only Arcane. The thought of doing this to any other man was

repugnant.

     And Arcane was stirring impatiently, that pretty cock twitching eagerly. Regretfully

Alec rinsed off the gel, turned off the shower, and reached for a towel, wrapping it around Arcane's shoulders. The Brit

reached up to kiss him tenderly.

     'Thank you.'

     Alec pulled him into a hug and kissed him more deeply.

     'Come on. Back to the dorm.'

     While Arcane dried himself, Alec straightened the bed. Not being fond of lying on

damp or sticky sheets, he was pleased to realise that most of their jism had dried on their bodies and was now washed

down the shower's drain. He shivered as Arcane stroked a hand down his back and squeezed his buttock.

     'Ready?'

     Alec grinned back over his shoulder.

     'Oh, I think so.'

     Arcane slid into the bed and lay on his side, head resting in his cupped hand, eying

Alec appraisingly. The American found himself blushing, and resisted the urge to cover his groin. Arcane chuckled.

     'Please, join me!'

     'Very kind of you � since it's my own bed!' Alec grinned and settled himself beside his

young lover, fingers trailing down the pale smooth skin of his chest. 'We can't do this all the time, you know.'

     Arcane nodded, a little sadly.

     'I know. But for now � this is bliss. I have never felt so happy. Or so loved.'

     Alec didn't have the heart to object to the use of the term � and he wasn't too certain

that there wasn't an element of love involved anyway. He hadn't been exaggerating when he said Arcane was lovable...

     The Brit was pulling him close, peppering his face and neck with little kisses, hands

clasped over his hips. Alec moaned quietly � and then more loudly as Arcane slid down his body to lick the length of his

cock.

     'Anton...'

     'Shush.' The Brit's agile tongue swirled across the head of his penis, the tiny hint of

teeth almost unbearably arousing. Where the hell had Arcane learned to do this?! Not that Alec planned

to interrupt the boy by asking, not with his cock what felt like half-way down the Brit's throat... He whimpered as Arcane

sucked, powerfully, his tongue rippling against Alec's erection � and the American came, helplessly, pulsing into his

young lover's mouth.

     ... oh FUCK... that... that was... Incoherent, Alec dragged the boy

up into his arms and ravaged his mouth, bruising Arcane's lips, tongue thrusting and twining and tasting himself and it was all

too much...

     Panting, he finally slumped against the young Brit, nuzzling his hair. Arcane sighed and

kissed his neck.

     'Mmmmmm.'

     It was a few moments before Alec became aware of the erection pressing against his

belly...

     Could he do this? Could he reciprocate? It would be only fair, after what Arcane had

just done, but... Alec swallowed. The idea of it... It was too soon, too much... he wasn't gay, it was just Arcane...

oh god, it had felt so good...

     And then Arcane very gently kissed the corner of his mouth.

     'It's all right.' he murmured. 'I don't mind if you don't want to.'

     Alec cursed his competitive spirit as he began to kiss his way down Arcane's smooth

body, grinning as the boy shivered and whimpered. The American paused uncertainly as he reached the tip of the quivering

erection, fingers gently stroking the shaft � then Alec shrugged, resigned himself to what he anticipated might be a very

uncomfortable few minutes, and tentatively took the head of Arcane's penis into his mouth...

     The Brit uttered a very undignified half-squeal, half-whimper and gripped Alec's

shoulders, thrusting into his mouth: Alec instinctively wrapped his hand around the base of the shaft to stop Arcane from

pushing too deeply, then began to lick and suck at the rigid flesh.

     It was OK, he thought, nothing like as... weird or unpleasant as he'd thought it might

be. Arcane had only a very light natural scent � although that might be due to the shower they'd just taken � slightly musky

but mostly... herby? A little like freshly-mown grass? That was the closest Alec's automatically-analytical mind could come

under the circumstances...

     Arcane was writhing against him � there was no other word for it. The penis in

his mouth was throbbing, and the balls under his hand had tightened, tensing in preparation. Alec had a split second to

decide what to do � then relaxed, cupped his hand around Arcane's scrotum and eased the Brit's cock as far down his

throat as he could. Arcane grabbed his hair with a breathless cry and shoved hard into Alec's mouth, flooding his throat with

come, salty and slightly bitter...

     Alec eased back a little to swallow, then slid his lips slowly up the twitching penis,

sucking gently as he went, chuckling to himself as Arcane whimpered and shuddered and panted, trying to catch his breath.

As Alec let the spent cock slide from his mouth he pressed a kiss to the glans, watching intrigued as Arcane's foreskin

slowly slid back into place protectively, then hauled himself up to lie beside his lover.

     Arcane looked like he'd been drugged, half-closed eyes all pupil, mouth slack and lips

parted, body limp and quivering. Alec stared down at him, then smiled.

     I did that.

     There was a touch of pride in the thought. He kissed the Brit gently, grinning when

Arcane wearily dragged him close for a proper kiss, murmuring wordlessly against his mouth...

     And then Alec's stomach grumbled, embarrassingly loudly in the charged stillness of

the room. Arcane pulled back, eyes startled. Alec reddened furiously.

     'Um... sorry...'

     Arcane stared at him for several seconds, then his lips twitched into a smile, and a

moment later he was laughing hysterically, holding onto Alec as he snorted most inelegantly, trying to catch his breath.

     Alec bit his lip to stop himself laughing, then decided not to bother. Grinning widely,

he chortled quietly, cuddling Arcane close.

     It was a good couple of minutes before the Brit regained control of himself and kissed

Alec's jaw.

     'Sorry...'

     'It's OK.' His stomach growled again, and he sighed. 'But it would be a good idea to

get some dinner. Growling bellies aren't the most romantic things in the world.'

     'Oh no. Most offputting.' He settled back beside Alec, stretching catlike with a

contented sigh. Alec tweaked his nipples, making him squirm.

     'Come on then...'

     Alec had been a little worried that Arcane would forget to act as if nothing unusual

had happened, but to his relief the Brit was the very archetype of restraint. In fact, it was Alec who had the problem

keeping his hands to himself: Arcane's behaviour was perfectly decorous. He raised an eyebrow as they tucked into some

sort of pseudo-Cajun chicken dish: Arcane divined his thoughts, and his smile fell a little.

     'In a family like mine, you learn the art of acting at an early age. It was easier for me to

try to... be somewhere else, when mother started one of her tirades. That way I could pretend it was happening to someone

else, not me.' His eyes were sad. 'Acting away the pain. It didn't always work though...'

     It was all Alec could do not to hug him. He nodded understandingly.

     'You've had a bad time of it.'

     Arcane lowered his eyes for a moment, then managed a shaky smile.

     'But that's all changing now, isn't it?'

     And Alec squeezed his fingers reassuringly, under the table.

     The following two weeks were idyllic for Anton and Alec. For almost a week they

only left the bed to eat and shower: the rest of the time they spent exploring each other, learning each other's most sensitive

areas, emotionally as much as physically. It had surprised Alec, to start with, that Arcane's nipples were so sensitive � not

quite as much as a woman's, but still more so than his own � but he had learned to take full advantage of it... But he also

discovered that Arcane was terrified of failure � hardly surprising given his upbringing. He felt he had to excel, had

to be first, in everything he did, which included their intimate activities. He was also desperate for approval, which dismayed

Alec: it sometimes felt as though the younger man would do anything, no matter how personally distasteful, to hold

onto a relationship.

     At such times he was overwhelmingly grateful that he'd stepped in as Arcane's mentor

and now lover. In the hands of a more manipulative person � Alec shuddered at the thought.

     Though even so, it was sometimes hard not to take advantage, especially when Anton

brought his talented tongue into play...

     But Alec managed. As he also managed to resist Anton's unspoken but obvious wish

to be taken, to experience everything Alec could offer him. It was difficult, very difficult, with Arcane lying stretched

out on the bed, open and vulnerable, a near-irresistible offering laid before him gazing up with hungry eyes.

     At such times Alec forced himself to do no more than cover the boy with careful bites

and bruising kisses, finally taking him deep into a throat grown used to the act, and bring him to a brain-melting climax with

teeth and tongue.

     And when the Brit had caught his breath and returned the favour...

     Arcane was addictive.

     By the third week, however, the relationship was changing in subtle but disturbing

ways. It started to worry Alec that Arcane enjoyed being bitten and scratched, enjoyed pain judiciously applied. It seemed

to heighten his arousal, his pleasure in what they did. Alec didn't like pain, and had been forced to point this out the first time

Arcane had gouged shallow bleeding scratches down his chest. The boy had been dismayed and contrite, begging Alec to

forgive him, desperately seeking assurance that Alec wouldn't leave him because of his thoughtlessness � and that, too, had

worried the American. This... victim mentality wasn't healthy, but Alec didn't know what to do about it. Arcane seemed

wholly unconcerned � didn't seem to appreciate it wasn't considered normal to like pain � and Alec couldn't even

suggest seeking professional counselling, not without revealing their relationship. And regardless of his feelings towards the

young man, he was not prepared to risk the criminal charges that would ensue.

     He did the best he could to teach Arcane to enjoy softer, more loving caresses.

Despite the Brit's apparent acquiescence, he wasn't sure he'd succeeded. But at least Arcane stopped trying to leave

lovebites anywhere they could be seen...

     February came, the students returned, and classes started up again. Oliver arrived

back in good humour, and Arcane reluctantly moved back into his own dorm, while Alec was allocated a new roommate, a

pleasant enough chemistry major called Williams. Life went back to normal at MIT.

     Well, that depended on your definition of normal, thought Alec as he seated

himself beside Arcane at the first lab of the year. The young Brit smiled, languidly, slyly, his eyes sparkling, and Alec felt a

rush of blood straight to his groin. Oh God, it had only been three days and he wanted the boy already... He gritted

his teeth and gently but firmly moved Arcane's hand from where it was kneading his erection under the workbench, leaned a

little closer and muttered,

     'Please, Anton. Not here, and not now.'

     The boy slid his hand back for one last tweak then sighed.

     'All right. But I missed you. And you obviously missed me. Can we meet up later?'

     Knowing it was unwise, Alec nodded.

     'Let me think where would be safe...'

     The problem was, there were very few places where they could be safe, now

that courses had restarted. For the first time Alec regretted not paying the extra for a single room. But there must be

somewhere they could go to be private.

     Even if it was only the shower.

     Though � that wasn't such a bad idea. Arcane liked the shower, and really liked...

playing in the shower. Alec preferred the bed, personally, since doing anything intimate with Arcane left him feeling limp and

drained, but for now, until they could make alternative arrangements, it would do. And there wouldn't be many people

around at lunchtime.

     The lecture seemed to drag interminably, and Alec had to force himself to

concentrate, intensely aware of Arcane so seemingly-innocent at his side, one hand taking notes while the other rested in his

own lap, kneading and stroking at the bulge there.

     Evil child.

     'So, where are we going?' Arcane kept his voice low, but Alec could hear the promise

in the murmured words. He swallowed.

     'The only half-way safe place for now is the shower. Preferably yours, since it's

nearer.'

     'Hm.' Arcane pouted. 'I suppose it will do. Are we going to be able to find a room,

though, for future... assignations?'

     'I don't know, Anton. This is all very illegal and dangerous, and I haven't though very

far ahead yet.'

     The Brit sighed his irritation.

     'If I'd known this was going to happen I'd have kept my old dorm room and just got

the lock changed.'

     Alec mentally slapped himself about the head. Yes, that would have been the best

solution. Then again, at the time they'd had no idea anything like this was going to happen...

     'I wonder if I can engineer another change of dorm � back to a single room... Problem

is, Oliver and I get on quite well, I have no reason for the request.'

     Alec sighed. 'Then we're going to have to think of another way.'

     Arcane frowned.

     'I suppose we can always use my room when Oliver isn't there... He's always back

late on a Wednesday � he has some sort of evening club. We can bolt the door to avoid any unexpected visitors or Oliver

returning before he's due.'

     It sounded terribly risky to Alec, and he said as much. Arcane grinned wolfishly.

     'Oh, I don't know. It adds an element of danger to the whole affair. That's rather...

exciting...'

     Oh God... 'I'm really not sure about it, Anton.'

     Glancing around inconspicuously to make sure no-one was looking, Arcane briefly

cupped Alec's buttock in his hand, then pinched him, making the American jump.

     'Stop that!'

     Arcane grinned mischievously.

     'Yes sir.'

     Alec shook his head despairingly.

     'What am I going to do with you?'

     Arcane chuckled.

     'Anything you like...'

     Baker House was mostly deserted, and Oliver wasn't back � having lunch with

friends, probably, Arcane had said as he dug out towels, shampoo and shower gel. Stripping quickly and dragging on his

dressing gown, he grabbed Alec's hand and pulled him to the shower, pushing him inside and locking the door. The next

thing Alec knew he was shoved against the wall with a double armful of very aroused naked Arcane kissing him deeply and

almost desperately.

     '... I've missed you...'

     Alec slid one hand around his waist, the other down to one lean buttock and pulled

Arcane close, cock rousing � painfully, trapped as it was by his jeans. He pushed Arcane back a little, tweaking a nipple as

the boy pouted.

     'Just... give me a second...' Alec squirmed out of his clothes as quickly as he could,

then pulled the Brit back to him, relishing the feel of smooth skin against his own, the erection twitching against his, Arcane's

nails pressing almost painfully into his back. Shuddering, he moaned quietly.

     'Anton...'

     Arcane slid down his body, licking and nipping all the way, biting hard enough at a

nipple to make Alec wince, then knelt at his feet, smiling up coquettishly before he lowered his head to Alec's erection,

sucking the rigid flesh into his mouth as one hand gently kneaded the American's balls...

     Alec gasped and came, unable to hold out after the teasing Arcane had subjected him

to for the last three hours. The Brit mouthed his penis gently as he swallowed, then slowly allowed it to slide between his

lips. Shaking, Alec hauled him to his feet and kissed him.

     'Oh God...'

     Arcane sighed and nuzzled his neck, biting gently at his earlobe.

     'Alec, I want... I want to feel you inside me... I want you to... to fuck me...'

     And oh God Alec was tempted. Just the thought of it had him hardening again. He

swallowed in a suddenly dry mouth and shook his head.

     'Anton... There's nothing I'd like more. But I can't. You know I can't.'

     Arcane's shoulders slumped and he nodded, gaze downcast.

     'I know. I just hoped...'

     'Do you want me to go to jail?'

     'Of course not.'

     'Then please, don't tempt me.'

     The Brit chuckled.

     'Ah, so you are tempted.'

     'Of course I am!' He caught the narrow shoulders and pushed the boy back, running

adoring eyes over his lean frame. 'You are beautiful, and exciting, and so... fucking... sexy... You have no idea how

hard it is not to just push you down and make love to you properly...'

     Arcane's eyes had closed, his lips parted as he moaned quietly, shivering at the words.

Alec sighed and kissed him again.

     'Please don't, Anton. Please don't ask. It's torture imagining it and not being able to

act.'

     'I'm sorry.' Arcane inclined his head and forced a half-smile. 'It's torture for me too,

wanting it and knowing you can't.'

     Alec cradled him close, hanging onto his control precariously, then ushered him over

to the shower, setting the water running and adjusting the temperature, a little hampered by Arcane stroking whatever part

of the strong body he could reach. Finally Alec turned to him and grinned.

     'C'mon.'

     Arcane stepped under the water, head raised to the spray, and surrendered himself to

Alec's loving hands...

     'Mmmmm. S'nice...'

     They were both sitting on the floor of the shower, Arcane nestled between Alec's legs,

his back to the American's chest and his head resting on a broad shoulder as the American gently stroked his limp penis

with one hand while the other fondled a small but perfect nipple. He kissed Arcane's neck.

     'Yeah...'

     Arcane squirmed against him, against the spent but still interested cock resting

between his buttocks, and sighed.

     'So � shall I arrange with Oliver to take over the dorm on Wednesday evening?'

     'What will you tell him?'

     'Oh, I don't know. That I'm learning some sort of exotic martial art that requires me to

exercise naked? That'll scare him off for a good few hours.'

     Alec burst into a laugh and licked his ear,

     'You think that'll work?'

     'Oliver, bless his little cotton socks, is an amazingly gullible creature.'

     'OK.'

     Arcane twisted slightly to grin at his lover.

     'Very well. It's a date.' He turned his head to kiss Alec's cheek � then sighed. 'I

suppose we'd better dry and dress. Then we'd still have time to grab something quick to eat before afternoon lectures...'

     And for three weeks the scheme worked perfectly. Oliver had been very happy to

vacate the room from five in the evening on Wednesday until one a.m. on Thursday � not ideal as far as Arcane was

concerned but the limited time forced them to enjoy themselves more intently. For Alec it was almost perfect: for a little

while he could focus all his energy and desire on the body of his young lover, safe from discovery and hence able to relax

and focus more intensely, discover new ways to make Arcane gasp and writhe and lose himself entirely in sensation. That

these ways most often involved some sort of pain he tried to ignore, as he tried to ignore Arcane's pleas to be penetrated,

taken, fucked...

     Then came the night of February 23rd, almost midnight, and someone hammering on

the door of his dorm as he studied. Frowning, he opened the door to find a panicking Oliver standing outside.

     'Oliver?'

     Oliver was wringing his hands together, panting with exertion.

     'Please, Holland... it's Anton...'

     Alec stared for just a second, then grabbed his jacket and hurried out of the dorm,

following the running freshman.

     'What's happened?'

     Oliver swallowed a sob.

     'I don't know! Anton said he was going into Boston to treat himself to something for

his birthday...'

     'His birthday? Today?'

     Oliver nodded.

     'Yes. He's eighteen today.' Oliver shook his head. 'I told him we'd organise a small

party, just him and you and me and maybe a couple of other friends, but he wouldn't have it...' Oliver rubbed a hand over

his eyes. 'And he didn't want anyone to go with him... He got back a quarter of an hour ago...'

     'And?'

     'I don't know! He's... hurt. Someone's hit him, I think. He just sort of fell into

the room. I tried to get him onto the bed but he wouldn't let me touch him...'

     Oh fuck... Alec felt a bitterly cold chill fill him.

     'And?'

     'I didn't know what to do... Anton trusts you, and I know you're a friend...'

     Alec patted his shoulder.

     'You did the right thing.' Though he wouldn't know that for certain until he'd seen

Arcane, but Oliver was frantic, and wouldn't be any use unless he could calm down. 'I'm sure it's nothing to worry

about.'

     They reached Baker House in record time, racing up the stairs to the dorm. Oliver

unlocked and opened the door very slowly, calling out quietly to Arcane that it was just him and Alec and not to be

alarmed...

     Alec took one look at the bruised, ashen-faced, traumatized figure curled up on the

floor in the corner of the room and felt as though someone had slammed a fist into his stomach. He turned to Oliver and

tried a small smile.

     'I know it's a lot to ask, but would you mind waiting outside? Just while I check what's

wrong.'

     Oliver shook his head, staring with frightened eyes at his roommate.

     'J... just call... if you need me to... do anything...'

     Alec patted his shoulder.

     'Thank you.'

     As Oliver quietly closed the door Alec slid out of his jacket, then, crawling, made his

way very slowly over to the shaking Brit.

     'Anton? It's only me. Alec. You know me. I won't hurt you...'

     Arcane whimpered, not taking huge terrified eyes from Alec's face. As the American

reached him he covered his face with his hands and gasped back a sob.

     Alec sat beside him, not daring to touch him yet. It was a few second later that he

noticed the smudges of blood on the floor, underneath Arcane.

     Oh no... oh no... Please God no...

     '... Anton...?'

     Another sob. Alec risked laying a hand very gently on his shoulder. The boy flinched

but didn't pull away.

     'Can you tell me what happened?'

     Arcane's hands slid down from his face and he gazed bleakly at Alec.

     'You wouldn't... and I wanted... heard of a club in the city...' He bit back a surge of

pain, face twisting. 'They...' His eyes filled with tears as he chewed viciously on a knuckle, choking back sobs. Alec ached

to hold him, but didn't dare move. After a few moments Arcane closed his eyes. 'Now I know what it feels like...'

     'No, Anton, you don't.' Alec moved a little closer, sliding an arm across the young

man's shoulders, relieved when he allowed it. 'What they did' � they? how many of them had there been? �

'wasn't... making love is different. You know that.'

     Arcane paled further as a wave of pain and nausea rolled through him, and Alec bit his

lip.

     'We should get you to a hospital...'

     'NO!!' Arcane pulled himself more upright, grimacing as torn flesh

objected to the movement. '...don't want anyone to know...'

     Alec hesitated, completely out of his depth. Rape didn't happen to men. And

was it rape anyway, since Arcane had gone looking for it?

     ... and he'd wanted Anton to wait. He'd wanted to be the young man's

first...

     He cursed himself for the fleeting selfish thought, and gently eased Arcane into his lap,

trying to angle the slumped body to take any weight from the backside. That Arcane allowed it gave him hope.

     'OK. You don't want to report it either then?' Arcane shook his head. 'I think we

need to get you into a bath.'

     'Yes... yes, please...' It was whispered and tear-choked, and Alec could have wept.

     'OK. Will you be all right by yourself for a moment? I need to speak to Oliver.'

     Arcane nodded jerkily, and Alec gently moved him to sit sideways on the floor,

leaving him crouched over, hands fisted as he fought back another wave of pain.

     Outside the door Oliver was pacing. He whirled to face Alec as the American pulled

the door to behind him but didn't fully close it.

     'How... how is he...?'

     Alec shook his head.

     'He was attacked in the city. He's hurt, but not so badly he wants to go to hospital...

Oliver, I can look after him, but it would be better if it was just me. Would you mind sleeping in my dorm tonight?'

     Oliver's eyes widened.

     'Um... I suppose that would be all right... what about your roommate?'

     'I'll write you a note to give him. He's OK, he won't bother you.'

     'Very well. I'll need to get some stuff though.'

     'Sure. Would you mind waiting while I get Anton into a bath?'

     Oliver blinked, bewildered, but shook his head.

     'No... are you sure he'll be all right?'

     Alec nodded.

     'I think so. But if I'm at all worried, I'll call for a doctor.' He thought for a moment,

then added, 'Is there any way you can get me a first aid kit?'

     Oliver blinked, then frowned.

     'I think there's a couple in the kitchen. I'll go and look.'

     'Thanks.'

     'You're welcome.' The freshman glanced worriedly at the door. 'I'll leave it on the

bed.'

     Alec tried to smile.

     'Thanks, Oliver. I'll let you know how he is and where we stand tomorrow

morning.'

     Alec practically had to carry Arcane to the little-used bathroom: the Brit tried to

support himself, but it was obvious from the bitten-off gasps and whimpers that he was in a lot of pain. Once in the room

Alec hastily locked the door, set the bath running, then manoeuvred his young lover to lean against the wall while he worked

at easing off the clothing...

     He scowled. Arcane's dark blue turtleneck was blotched with darker stains across his

chest, and when Alec tried to ease it over his head Arcane cried out and grabbed it to him. Heart sinking, Alec used a

sponge to soak the material, nodding grimly as the sponge came away red. After a minute or so the dried blood had

moistened enough that he could ease it from the lean body underneath...

     He quelled a moan. Arcane's chest was covered with bruises, and bites, and what

looked like cigarette burns. His nipples had taken the worst of the damage � blisters and freshly-bleeding teethmarks were

clear against the pale golden skin...

     Dreading what else he'd find, he very carefully eased the jeans down Arcane's long

legs � if the boy had worn underwear it hadn't made it back with him � growling to himself at what was revealed. More

bites, bruises, a massive confusion of purple handmarks over the bony hips, the bloody imprint of nails... and a sticky mess

of blood-streaked semen oozing from his body and down his thighs, far too much for just one man.

     ... fuckfuckfuck...

     He tried and failed to smile up at Arcane, who looked about ready to faint.

     'Let's get you in. The warm water will help ease the pain.'

     He had to lift the boy into the tub, gritting his teeth as Arcane whimpered at the heat

slamming against each individual wound. Once the Brit was settled, however, the warmth started to work, and Arcane

slumped, eyes half-closed and vacant.

     Alec sat on the side of the bath and eyed him wretchedly. He'd promised he'd never

let anyone harm the boy again, and yet here he was, hurt and traumatised and... Alec closed his eyes. Rape. A foul,

disgusting act. The ultimate physical violation.

     What would it do to Anton?

     Alec gently stroked his hair, his voice almost a whisper.

     'Three years, Anton. Just three little years. We'd have graduated. We could have

moved to England, lived together, worked together � we'd have been legal... Why couldn't you wait?'

     Arcane shifted slightly, wincing, to gaze up at him.

     'Life's... too short...'

     Alec sank down to crouch beside the tub, to be eye to eye with the Brit.

     'Three years! Was it too much to ask?'

     Arcane's head rolled to the side as he groped for Alec's hand, his own trembling.

     'We can... still do it, though... can't we?'

     'Be together?' Arcane managed a nod, and Alec sighed. 'Yes. If I can trust you not to

do anything else stupid.'

     '... I didn't ask for this...'

     'What did you think would happen?'

     '... I... I don't know...'

     'You...' Alec caught himself. This really wasn't the right time for a lecture. He sighed

and brushed Arcane's hair back from his forehead. 'Promise me you won't do anything so... reckless ever again.'

     '... I promise.' But it didn't escape Alec's notice that there was a small but significant

pause before Arcane muttered the words.

     Alec allowed him twenty minutes in the bath, adding a little more hot as the water

cooled, then reached for the large soft towel he'd snagged on the way out of the dorm. Arcane looked more than half

asleep: Alec slid an arm under his shoulders and pulled him to sit upright, wincing as the Brit groaned.

     'Time to get out.'

     Obediently Arcane struggled to stand, pushing himself up unsteadily, grimacing as his

body protested. Alec pulled the plug, then swathed the young man in the towel.

     'Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you into bed.'

     Exhausted, pain-rimmed eyes regarded him, and Arcane managed the ghost of a

smile.

     'Mm... love the way you... think...'

     Alec sighed.

     'So I can check you over. Oliver went to find a first aid box.' He opened the towel

slightly and frowned at Arcane's chest. 'I don't want any of those bites to get infected.'

     Arcane paled and swayed.

     'I... they hurt me...'

     Alec caught him as he crumpled, gathering the skinny body awkwardly into his arms.

Grabbing Arcane's ruined clothes he shouldered his way through the door and made his way back to the unconscious Brit's

dorm as quickly as he could, infinitely grateful that there was no-one around.

     Once inside he laid Arcane on the bed, locked the door, and reached for the first aid

kit Oliver had left on his bed. Dabbing at the weeping bites and burns on Arcane's body, Alec smoothed on the antiseptic

cream he found in the kit, being as gentle as possible. He couldn't do anything about the bruises � they'd have to heal by

themselves � and he simply couldn't bring himself to check between his lover's legs. Too afraid to face the truth

about what had been done to Arcane, and wincing in sympathy over how painful the next few days were going to be for

him, the very idea of seeing the damage made Alec feel sick. He consoled himself with the knowledge that Arcane

appeared to have stopped bleeding, so it couldn't be so very bad, could it...

     He sat back a little as Arcane stirred, moaning and twisting on the bed, then laid a

hand on his shoulder.

     'Anton?'

     Pain-shadowed eyes half opened, seeking his face.

     'Alec?'

     'I'm here. You're safe.'

     'I... hurt...'

     'You will for a bit.'

     'Why?'

     'Because...' Alec frowned. 'Don't you remember what happened?'

     'No...' But Arcane's face paled, and he averted his eyes. He was lying, Alec realised �

denying what had happened. Was that healthy? The American thought not � but what was he supposed to do about it? He

tried to smile.

     'You were hurt on a trip into Boston. But you'll be OK. I'm taking care of you.'

     Arcane reached tremblingly for his hand.

     'Thank you.' He shivered, and Alec carefully lifted him, easing off the towel and

managing to get him under the cover with only minimal pain, if Arcane's reactions were anything to go by. Finally settling the

boy as comfortably as he could, Alec eyed him a little nervously.

     'Oliver's sleeping at mine, tonight, so I can keep an eye on you.'

     'S'good of him. And you.' He flipped back a corner of the cover. 'Get in?'

     'But...' Alec glanced over his shoulder: Oliver's bed was just a few steps away... But

Arcane was gazing up at him with wounded eyes, and despite all that the boy had suffered tonight Alec still wanted

him... He closed his eyes with a sigh.

     'OK. But just to sleep, understand?'

     Arcane nodded tiredly.

     'Too tired to do anything else...'

     Alec stripped and slid into the bed, slowly and carefully cuddling into Arcane's back,

biting the inside of his cheek as his cock swelled, trying to will his erection away. Darkly wondering that now Arcane had

been... opened, would it be such a sin to consummate their relationship...?

     He caught his breath as Arcane's thigh lifted slightly and a slender hand reached back

to weakly take hold of his penis, then ease it between lean legs until the head nestled closely behind Arcane's balls. Sighing,

the Brit closed his legs, effectively enclosing Alec's erection in a tunnel of warm flesh. The American swallowed hard, his

cock surging fully erect, and reached a hand over a skinny hip to wrap around Arcane's own erection, holding gently as

Arcane snuggled back against him � and fell asleep.

     Alec could have screamed with frustration... but Arcane had been hurt, and was

definitely not in his right mind at the moment. To do anything... it would be like raping him all over again, wouldn't it?

     Alec gritted his teeth, consigning to hell the evil little voice in the back of his mind

urging him to take advantage of what seemed to be being offered, pressed a kiss to the back of Arcane's neck, and forced

himself to lie still.

     The most delicious sensation woke him the next morning. Something gripped his penis

firmly, squeezing rhythmically, his hands were wrapped around something hot and hard that he fondled and kneaded, and

Arcane twitched and quivered against him, pressed close to his chest. Thrusting automatically, it wasn't until he moaned and

came that Alec properly awoke, feeling Arcane's penis jerk and twitch and pulse in his hands, and realised that his own was

still tucked between the Brit's thighs and he'd just spurted all over Arcane's balls and the soft skin between his legs...

     'Oh God.'

     Arcane pushed back against him, almost purring � then winced and gasped with pain

as his injuries made their presence known. Alec held him still, kissing his shoulder.

     'Anton? You OK?'

     '... I... think so...'

     Alec sighed.

     'I'm sorry. I forgot where I was. Did I hurt you?'

     'I don't think so. Though � I do hurt...'

     'After last night I'm not surprised.'

     Arcane stilled, then awkwardly turned over to face his lover, biting back little

whimpers of pain.

     'Why? What did we do?'

     Alec stared at him.

     'Don't you remember?'

     This time it really did appear that Arcane had no memory of last night. He

shook his head, then frowned and shifted his lower body slightly, wincing.

     'No... but...' His eyes were huge. 'Did we...?'

     Alec buried his face in Arcane's hair.

     'No. No, we didn't.'

     'But I hurt...'

     Alec's mind whirled with indecision. Should he tell Arcane what had happened? Lie?

Or fudge the issue? His innate honesty won out. He pulled back a little so he could face the boy.

     'You went into Boston last night. You found a... a club... an illegal one. You were...

attacked.'

     '... attacked...?'

     'Assaulted.'

     Arcane paled, his body tensing.

     'I was... ra...'

     Alec nodded, closing his eyes, not wanting to see the expression on the boy's face.

Especially not when he heard the rising note of panic in Arcane's voice.

     'It wasn't... you? it was... s... strangers...? oh god...'

     The thin body quivered, then began to tremble violently. Alec pulled Arcane hesitantly

into his arms, cradling him as he shook uncontrollably.

     '... no... no...'

     'Shhh... I'm here...'

     Arcane took a deep, shaky breath, and brought his head up to glare at Alec.

     'You're lying.'

     Alec blinked, startled.

     'I wouldn't lie to you.'

     'No... no... it must have been you. Anything else is just... no. Can't

happen.'

     Completely out of his depth, Alec shook his head.

     'I wouldn't hurt you, Anton. Never.'

     'You got carried away... too excited... And so did I... yes, that's it. Too

eager...'

     Coping mechanism. It must be. Anton would rather believe it was Alec than accept

the rapes. Not healthy. Not healthy at all. But what was the alternative? What would a realisation of the truth do to the

boy?

     Alec swallowed hard and pulled him close, then relaxing his hold as Arcane winced

and yelped as his injured chest rubbed against his lover. The Brit peered down at his chest.

     'What the...?'

     Alec seized the opportunity.

     'You were attacked, Anton. I'd never hurt you. I didn't do... that.'

     His shaking fingers hovering over swollen, bruised nipples still oozing blood from the

bites, Arcane gazed helplessly at Alec. Then his expression changed, became hopeful.

     'But you rescued me.'

     'What...? Anton...'

     But Arcane pressed trembling lips to his, kissing him desperately, silencing him.

Not wanting to face reality, Alec sighed to himself.

     Well, he couldn't force Arcane to accept the truth. All he could do was refuse

to admit to the boy's self-deception. He didn't like it, but he had no choice. He bit back the faint resentment he felt at being

placed in this position, reminding himself that Arcane had been through a truly horrendous and traumatic experience. If this

allowed him to behave normally, to recover without too many negative consequences, perhaps it was for the best.

     He returned the kiss, hands soothingly stroking the boy's back, feeling Arcane

gradually relax. Finally he pulled away, sat up and forced a smile.

     'I should look at those bites. And you should try to eat something.'

     Arcane grimaced, moving his lower body slightly.

     'I think... just something to drink.'

     And Alec winced. Yes, perhaps not eating anything solid for a day or two might be

advisable. Give the internal damage time to heal, undisturbed.

     Arcane was grinning at him, his distress and the events of the last night apparently

completely forgotten. It was a trait Alec would, in future, come to loathe.

     'So, now we've... broken the ice, as it were, we can... play properly? When I feel

better?'

     'You're still too young.'

     'But Alec... I'm experienced now.'

     'No Anton, you aren't.'

     Arcane's grin became predatory.

     'But I could tell people that I am. And that it was you.'

     And Alec froze, sudden fear a cold weight in his belly. It felt a little like stepping off a

cliff. Forcing himself to think before he responded, he eyed Arcane coldly.

     'So you're threatening me. Threatening my career and my freedom. Possibly my

life.'

     Arcane paled, eyes widening fearfully as he realised the implications of what he'd said.

He grabbed Alec's hand in both of his own.

     'Sorry � I'm sorry, Alec. I don't know what came over me. Of course

I'd never do anything to hurt you in any way. I couldn't. I l... love you.'

     Alec pulled his hand away and rose to his feet.

     'I don't think so. Love doesn't make threats.'

     There were tears in Arcane's eyes, on his face.

     'Alec, please... Please! I didn't know what I was saying... I swear I'll never

say such a thing again, never tell anyone anything... please don't leave me...'

     Alec kept his face impassive as he gazed as the distraught young man.

     'I'm going to get you something to drink while I consider the situation. I'll let you know

what I've decided when I get back.'

     Angry and resentful, he managed to ignore the sound of the sobs that followed him out

of the room.

     Down in the kitchen Alec found several bottles of orange juice in a fridge. Ignoring a

twinge of guilt for helping himself to someone's else property, he poured himself a glass and paced back and forth for a few

minutes, trying to decide what to do.

     Or rather, trying to decide how to react � he'd already decided what he was going to

do. He'd known, from the awful pain in his chest at the sound of Arcane's misery, that he couldn't just leave the boy, no

matter how betrayed he felt.

     This was, after all, mostly his fault. He'd gotten too close to the Brit, allowed fondness

and pity to overtake sensible reserve, let his innate compassion and sympathy override common sense. Anton didn't know

how to behave: Alec did, therefore the fault was his.

     And yet... Anton was beautiful, with a fey, somewhat androgynous beauty, and

sensitive and mischievous and willing to try anything. That was exciting, addictive. And his mind, that extraordinary mind...

how could anyone of any intelligence not be seduced by that mind?

     Alec sighed. He could put Arcane's threat down to fear, or the after-effects of last

night's experience: he couldn't believe that the boy had really meant it. The Brit wasn't malicious. And he believed Arcane

really did have strong feelings for him � he just didn't seem to think through the consequences of his actions most of

the time, as had become clear in some of the patently weird research ideas he came out with in class.

     But he could not be allowed to even think he could bully, bribe or blackmail

anyone into doing what he wanted, and certainly not Alec. The American would have to lay down further rules. And

it might be useful to avoid any intimacy for a week or so, to prove to Arcane he couldn't have things all his own way. Alec

wouldn't enjoy it, but it might teach Arcane an important lesson.

     Decision made, he returned to the dorm with the orange juice.

     Arcane was still in bed, hands twisting together, but he'd stopped crying and seemed

calmer. He tried to smile as Alec, maintaining his stony expression, seated himself on the edge of the bed.

     'I'm sorry. That was inexcusable. I won't be surprised if you want nothing more to do

with me � though I hope that won't happen.'

     'Do you appreciate the gravity of what you said?'

     Arcane chewed at a knuckle and nodded.

     'It was spiteful and evil and unforgivable. I would never put you in harm's way, Alec. I

don't know why I said it.'

     Alec handed him the juice, watching as he drank it in thirsty gulps.

     'Thank you.' Arcane gave the glass back, his hand trembling. 'What do you want me

to do?'

     'I want you to behave like an adult, not like a spoiled brat.'

     Arcane flinched, taken aback.

     'I'm not a spoilt brat!' He paused. 'Though... I suppose that could have sounded like

it...' He rubbed his eyes. 'I'm sorry. I'm not used to having any power.'

     Alec blinked, disconcerted � then smiled to himself. Of course. Arcane had been

beaten and made to feel worthless his whole life: for once actually having a little influence over another person,

especially when he was trying so hard not to accept reality... well, he could understand that. Not like it, nor condone it, but

it made a sort of twisted sense. He laid both hands on Arcane's flinching shoulders.

     'If we are to be lovers, we must be equal. There must be no attempts at control.'

     'I know.' He managed a small, hopeful smile. 'Are we to still be lovers?'

     Alec sighed and kissed him gently...

     To Alec's surprise Arcane bounced back quickly from the assault: two days later he

was back in class � admittedly still in pain and moving with care, but essentially back to what passed for normal. Although

perhaps a little more subdued than usual. For a couple of weeks, anyway. His behaviour around Alec was impeccable, and

the American gradually relaxed. Looked like their relationship was going to go smoothly after all.

     Mostly...

     'Please, Alec.' Arcane was sprawled against his lover, one hand teasing the

American's cock while the other played with his hair. 'I really want you.'

     Alec closed his eyes.

     'Anton, how many times do I have to say it? No. Not until you're legal and we're

somewhere it's allowed.'

     'But...'

     Alec laid a finger over his lips.

     'You want us to carry on meeting like this?'

     'Of course I do!'

     'Then stop arguing.'

     The Brit grumbled but subsided, sliding down to take Alec into his mouth then nipping

gently. Alec shivered and hardened: without realising it he had come to appreciate Arcane's occasional roughness. The Brit

brought him to a fast, mind-jarring climax with teeth and tongue, then kissed his way back up the muscular body.

     'Mmmm.'

     Alec pried open one eye and smiled languidly up into Arcane's face.

     'You are amazing.'

     'I am rather, aren't I?' Arcane looked smug, then yelped as Alec grabbed his

shoulders and rolled on top of him, pressing his lean body into the bed. The American nibbled gently at his lower lip.

     'Modest too.'

     Arcane chuckled.

     'No, just honest.' He wriggled, pressing his erection into Alec's stomach. 'You know,

if you won't fuck me, I could always try doing you instead...'

     Alec raised an eyebrow.

     'I don't think so.'

     'But why not? You did say we should be equal.'

     'Yes, and if you were older and we were somewhere safer I might even be tempted to

let you try. But you aren't, and we're not, so forget it.'

     'Spoilsport...'

     The days grew warmer as spring advanced, their workload grew heavier and more

intensive, and their weekly assignations grew more welcomed and treasured, a brief moment of self-indulgent pleasuring

amid the frantic race to catch up and keep up with everything the university expected them to accomplish. Before they

realised it the summer vacation was a week away.

     Arcane had started panicking.

     'I'll have to go home! I don't want to. I want to stay here.'

     Alec kissed him, effectively shutting him up.

     'How about you come home with me? You'd need to find a job, but I can ask dad if

he has any short-term posts � he usually does, and that's what I normally do during the vacation.'

     Arcane considered the idea, frowning pensively.

     'What sort of work would it involve?'

     Alec shrugged.

     'Nothing exciting, and nothing related to your course � unless you think typing up

reports and filing will be a help in the future.'

     Arcane grimaced.

     'I plan to have my own staff to handle that sort of thing. But for this summer... if it

meant I didn't have to go back to England...'

     'You'd be working normal office hours, which should leave plenty of time for

classwork and research. And fun. We could take weekend camping trips.'

     'Just us?'

     'Just us.'

     Arcane shivered delightedly.

     'Making love under the stars...'

     'Well, maybe. Depending on the weather. And the privacy.'

     Arcane kissed him.

     'Leave me my dreams, please.'

     Alec laughed.

     'OK. I'm sure we could manage it, at least once. Want me to ask dad?'

     'Where would I live?'

     'Well, with me of course. There's plenty of room in my folks' house, and friends are

always welcome to stay.'

     'It sounds too good to be true.'

     'I'll give them a ring tomorrow to check.'

     'Thank you.' Arcane curled up against him, licking then biting a nipple. Alec winced,

then hauled the boy further up the bed and buried his face in that too-tempting groin...

     'OK � that's all set. Dad needs a couple of temps over the summer, and mom says

you're very welcome to stay. Dick � he's my oldest brother � is moving out, so you can have his room.'

     Arcane nodded, a little sadly: Alec had already impressed up on him that there'd be

no intimacy while they were in his parents' house.

     'I really appreciate this, Alec. Thank you.'

     'Hey, you're welcome! And it'll be good for you, seeing how normal people live.'

     Arcane raised an eyebrow but refrained from commenting.

     The last Wednesday before the vacation had been unusually hot and sunny, a drowsy,

gorgeous day that turned into a beautiful evening. Alec had arrived at Arcane's dorm as usual, to find the Brit had laid out a

picnic under the window where the setting sun's light streamed in warm and golden.

     'Strawberries?'

     Arcane nodded. Standing barefoot and bare-chested, the sunlight behind him gilding

and haloing his hair, he looked almost golden.

     'I love strawberries. One of the few things I miss about home. We have a strawberry

bed in the garden, and I used to gorge myself on them all summer.' He smiled nostalgically. 'Father liked them too. We used

to sit in the garden eating them while he explained how his processes worked.'

     Alec pulled him into a hug. Arcane didn't often speak of his father, but when he did,

there was a world of affection and pride in his voice. Despite the fact the man had left him behind to suffer his mother's

'love'.

     'Thank you. This is a real treat.'

     Arcane kissed his neck, then pulled back a little.

     'Got another treat too.' He reached under the desk and pulled out a bottle of wine.

'It's from the cellar at home. I brought it back after Christmas in case we ever had something to celebrate.'

     'Clos Vougeot 1953?'

     Arcane nodded.

     'Burgundy. Pinot Noir. The vineyard's been in existence since 1336. It was originally

planted by Cistercian Monks. It's a little different now, of course, but some of the wines are wonderful.'

     Alec quirked an eyebrow.

     'Aren't you a little young to know about wines?'

     'You're never too young to know about wines. Mother is a strict teetotaller, of course

� so who else was going to sample the cellar?' He smiled. 'Don't worry, I never overdid it. Drinking too much alcohol can

seriously damage the brain, and I have no intention of lowering my IQ by doing something so stupid.'

     'Such wisdom in one so young!'

     Arcane slapped his shoulder.

     'Sarcasm ill becomes you.'

     Alec pulled him close.

     'But you love me anyway.'

     'Oh, I don't know about that...'

     Alec slid a hand into Arcane's Levis, tweaking his rapidly-swelling cock.

     'Yes you do.'

     And Arcane melted against him with a groan.

     'Why is it,' he murmured, 'that after all this time you can still excite me, arouse me,

make me feel so dizzy...?'

     'Natural talent.' Alec whispered in his ear, nipping his earlobe. He just caught Arcane

as the boy's knees gave way.

     'oh god...' Arcane shook himself and regained his feet, then laid his hands against

Alec's chest and pushed. Not very convincingly, admittedly, but then, Alec was still fondling his erection. 'Shall... shall we

eat... first?'

     Alec chuckled.

     'Food before sex? That's a first.'

     Arcane gazed up at him, eyes half-closed and lips parted.

     'Actually, I... I was thinking of... combining the two.'

     Alec withdrew his hand, but only as far as the buttons, easing them open as he eyed

his lover.

     'That sounds interesting.'

     'Oh, you'll enjoy it.' breathed Arcane, wriggling to assist in the removal of his jeans.

Underneath he was naked, as he usually was on a Wednesday. Alec's hand still caressing his cock, he pulled off the

American's shirt with shaking fingers then reached for the zip of his jeans, easing them and the white cotton briefs down

Alec's legs. Kneeling, he licked up the length of the American's erection then carefully took one of the heavy balls

completely into his mouth, lips closing around the shifting flesh with a hint of teeth where it met Alec's groin.

     Alec froze, then groaned as Arcane sucked gently, agile tongue swirling over the skin.

It was too much, he could feel himself close to coming, and grabbed a handful of Arcane's hair and tugged.

     'Ow!' But at least it disengaged the Brit's mouth from that rather sensitive part of his

anatomy, thought Alec. Arcane glared up at him. 'What was that for?'

     'I thought we were combining food and sex tonight?'

     'Yes, and?'

     'You carry on doing that and you'll have to wait half an hour.'

     'Oh.' Arcane sighed and rose to his feet, taking Alec's hand. 'All right, then. Come and

sit down.'

     He'd lain a duvet on the floor for their comfort: Alec sank down onto it cross-legged

and watched as Arcane opened the wine, pouring two glasses. Handing one to his lover, he raised his own in a toast.

     'To a wonderful summer.'

     'I'll second that.' Alec touched his glass to Arcane's then took a sip. The wine was rich

and fruity, the taste exploding in his mouth as it slid hotly down his throat. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

     'Whoa! That's... powerful stuff.'

     Arcane had taken a long draught, eyes half-closed in contentment.

     'It was a good year.'

     Alec took another swallow, feeling a light-headed warmth suffuse his body. Arcane

grinned and picked up a strawberry by the stalk, dipping it in the bowl of whipped cream. He lay on his stomach and

dragged the fruit the length of Alec's cock, leaving a trail of cream behind, then delicately popped the strawberry into his

mouth and bit down. Alec watched, fascinated, as he then shifted and wrapped his lips around Alec's erection. The

American bit back a gasp as the cool cream, the pulpy roughness of the fruit, and the heat of Arcane's lapping tongue

washed over his penis.

     'Oh God...'

     Arcane sucked, sliding firmly back along the cock with his lips pressed to the skin,

then pulled away and swallowed the squashed strawberry, smirking at his lover. Alec shivered and drank his wine in two

swallows.

     'Lie down.'

     Eyes twinkling, Arcane took a large sip of the Burgundy and lay back, stretching

luxuriously. Intensely aware of his aching erection, Alec trailed cream all over the boy's chest and groin, placing a

strawberry on each nipple and another on the head of his penis � then licked and nibbled them all into his own mouth as

Arcane squirmed and giggled below him. Alec grinned down at him.

     'Makes you taste even better.'

     Arcane awkwardly poured him another glass of wine � then spilt a little into his navel,

smiling up at his lover.

     'Your cup runneth over. At least, it will if you don't drink up...'

     Chuckling Alec lowered his head and sucked the wine into his mouth, swallowing

appreciatively then licking the ticklish little hollow. Arcane poured in a little more, and Alec obligingly drank that too, then

kissed the Brit and sat up, reaching for his glass. He was beginning to feel just a little inebriated...

     He drained the glass, and Arcane poured him another: in his light-headed happiness

Alec failed to notice the little smirk on the boy's face, the wicked gleam in his eyes.

     'Alec...' Arcane wriggled his hips, fingers brushing down Alec's cock. The American

drained his glass and sat back, his gaze running leisurely over the lean body at his side.

     'You're so beautiful.'

     'Mm, I know.' Arcane plunged his fingers into the cream and reached for Alec's

erection, stroking and fondling and teasing him until he was gasping.

     'Anton, please...'

     And suddenly he was hauled on top of the lean body, and Arcane had wrapped his

legs around Alec's waist and was manoeuvring the cream-slathered penis into position, tongue plunging into Alec's mouth as

he grabbed muscular buttocks and pushed, his legs tightening, forcing Alec to enter him.

     Alec's moaned 'no' was lost in Arcane's mouth, but it was only a token objection. By

then, the wine working just enough to cripple his self-control, he couldn't have pulled out if he'd wanted to. Sliding

slowly into that incredible tightness, hearing Arcane's whimpers � of pain or pleasure he wasn't sure, but to Arcane it was

probably the same thing � he lost himself, burying his face in long silky hair and pushing strongly and smoothly into Arcane's

quivering body.

     Oh, this was so good... He shifted to angle Arcane's hips upwards a

little more, sighing at the greater depth the position gave him, then pulled out, thrusting back in powerfully, setting a steady

but maddening rhythm. Arcane gripped his shoulders tightly, nails breaking the skin: Alec ignored the sting in the sheer

unadulterated bliss of finally, finally allowing himself to do what he'd wanted for so long.

     Consequences be damned.

     'Oh fuck...'

     '... y... yes... please...' Arcane was breathless. '... please, Alec...'

     Ignoring everything but the feel of his cock plunging deeply into Arcane's spasming

body, Alec fucked the boy hard, spurred on by the legs pressing against his back, the low moans Arcane was making, the

feel of the penis hard and quivering against his belly... he barely noticed when Arcane came, too completely wrapped up in

his own pleasure. When he climaxed, it was with a quiet shout of joy and exultation.

     '... oh God...' He was still on top of Arcane, slumped, drained, his spent penis slowly

sliding out of the lean body below him, his semen oozing slowly from the boy. '... oh my God...'

     He felt rather than heard Arcane's chuckle.

     'Happy?'

     'You need to ask?' He stirred, suddenly concerned that he might have hurt the boy.

'Are you OK?'

     'Thoroughly fucked. Very happy. That was... mmmmmm...'

     Alec laughed and kissed him tenderly.

     'So eloquent. So expressive.'

     'The latter, certainly.'

     Alec managed to raise his head, only then noticing the large purpling lovebite on

Arcane's neck. He winced.

     'Sorry.'

     Arcane ran a finger down his spine.

     'I should think so too. I'll have to wear something with a collar now, and it's really too

hot for polo-necks.'

     'I won't do it again.'

     'Oh, I wouldn't go that far. It's only a minor inconvenience, really.'

     'If you're sure.' Alec rolled carefully to lie beside his lover, fondling a nipple. Arcane

nodded.

     'I'm sure. Though next time you could try somewhere it won't be so easily seen. My

hip, for example.'

     'Mm. Sexy.'

     Arcane turned onto his side and grinned.

     'And only you would know it's there...'

     Alec groaned and closed his eyes, feeling his cock stir at the very idea.

     'You little devil.'

     'I know. And you love it.'

     Alec kissed him roughly, then sighed.

     'We should shower. It's late.'

     And it was quite dark outside, the lights of the campus and, further back, the city a

haze of pale orange. Above, the crescent moon was half-way up the sky. Arcane stretched and ran his fingers through

Alec's hair.

     'All right. Then we can come back and finish the strawberries.'

     The shower took longer than normal: when Arcane turned his back, splayed his arms

against the wall, spread his legs and wiggled his arse at his lover, pointing out that he 'may as well be hung for a sheep as a

lamb', now they'd finally made love properly, Alec simply couldn't resist, easing into that beautiful body, his own semen a

lubricant as he gripped Arcane's hips and thrust hard. He pulled Arcane upright against him as he came, fisting the boy's

penis in one hand while pinching a nipple with the other: Arcane yelped and jerked against him, shivering with pleasure.

     Slumping against Alec, a minute later, he twisted his head and nipped at the

American's jaw, then swivelled to kiss him deeply.

     'You are wonderful.'

     'I do try.' Alec cuddled him, then reached for the shower gel and lathered his hands.

'C'mon, let's wash up.'

     Back in the dorm they fed each other sugar-dipped strawberries, since what little

cream was left was a pool of warm curdled liquid in the bottom of the bowl. Arcane rested against Alec's bigger body and

sighed happily.

     'Could we go camping our first weekend? I'd like to try that under the stars.'

     Alec kissed the top of his head.

     'Oh, I think we could arrange that...'

     The following day was the last chemistry lab of the year. Alec arrived a little earlier

than Arcane, and was able to watch the Brit enter the class.

     He almost shone. A small but blissful smile hovered around his mouth, and he

moved with a lithe assurance and confidence that had been missing before. There was an exuberance, an energy, in his walk

that caught everyone's attention. Alec was hard-put not to smile proudly. What they had done may be illegal � but fuck

it had made a huge and positive difference to Arcane...

     The Brit seated himself beside Alec, grinning broadly.

     'Holland.'

     Alec smiled back.

     'Arcane.' He lowered his voice. 'You look great.'

     'I feel wonderful. Thank you.'

     Alec raised an eyebrow and nodded infinitesimally, the most he was prepared to do in

acknowledgement until they were alone.

     The lab was marginally less stressful than normal, and the professor handed out their

summer research assignments with a wish that they would enjoy their vacation. As they headed off for lunch, Arcane pulled

an envelope out of his pocket and frowned at it.

     'What's that?'

     'Letter from home.'

     'You haven't opened it?'

     'I didn't have time before class...'

     Alec watched him fiddle with the paper for a moment.

     'It might be important.'

     Arcane snorted.

     'Mother wouldn't bother to write unless it was. Her idea of important, anyway. Which

is why I'm tempted to just throw it away and pretend it never arrived.'

     'I can understand that � but perhaps you ought to read it anyway.'

     Arcane held the letter for a moment, hesitating, then sighed.

     'I suppose you're right.' He slit open the envelope with a nail and pulled out the single

sheet of fine paper inside, eyes running over the typewritten message.

     Seconds later he'd stopped dead, eyes wide, skin paling. Alec grabbed his shoulder,

alarmed.

     'What is it? Anton, what's the matter?'

     White and shaking, unable to speak, Arcane handed the letter to Alec.

Anton.

This is to advise you that your father was killed in an industrial accident a month ago.

Further, I am to remarry next month, and you are to acquire both a stepfather and a stepbrother. I require your presence

for the wedding. At the same time you will have the opportunity to visit your father's grave. You are to return to England as

soon as your course has finished.

You will not be returning to America after the summer holidays. I have had you enrolled in the School of the Biological

Sciences at Cambridge University, Gonville and Caius College.

Hilda Arcane.

     Alec stared at Arcane, who had clenched his fists and was fighting back tears,

anguish, pain and fury clear on his face.

     'Anton...'

     'I hate her.'

     'Can't you � I don't know � appeal somehow?'

     'To whom? She has sole charge of my trust fund until I'm twenty one.'

     For a moment Alec was tempted to say 'fuck it, we'll manage somehow', but second

thoughts showed him how hopeless that would be. Without his father's money behind him there was no way Arcane could

afford to remain at MIT.

     'There must be some way...'

     Arcane sank into a crouch, hands over his eyes and shoulders slumped in absolute

misery. Alec knelt beside him, hand on his back, desperate to help but simply having no idea what to say.

     To not tell Arcane about his father's death, to hold the funeral without contacting him �

how could a mother act so? He simply couldn't imagine the depth of loathing, of malice, that could make a parent

behave in such a way.

     Arcane was weeping, quiet gasping sobs as he rocked slightly back and forth, not

caring who saw him. Alec wrapped an arm around his shoulders, keeping his voice low and soothing.

     'Anton, come with me. Let's get you back to your dorm.'

     Unresisting Arcane allowed Alec to pull him to his feet and guide him back to Baker

House. Once in his room he collapsed onto the bed and curled up tightly, sobbing silently. Alec sat beside him, for once

helpless, unable to penetrate the boy's grief.

     'Are you sure you have to go?'

     Logan airport, the evening of the last day of the semester. Arcane's plane would leave

in three hours time, and Alec didn't know if he'd ever see the boy again. Arcane had moved through his last few days at

MIT like some sort of automaton, so deeply sunk in misery even Alec didn't seem to be able to get through to him. Now he

looked up at his erstwhile lover with dull, red-rimmed eyes. All the life and joy had left him. It hurt Alec to look at

him.

     And there was nothing he could do.

     Arcane nodded � and managed a tiny, miserable smile.

     'I'm sorry, Alec. I wanted... I was looking forward...' He swiped at his eyes as tears

threatened again. 'This year has been wonderful. Thank you.'

     Alec grabbed him into a tight hug, dismayed when Arcane didn't respond.

     'Will you write?'

     'If I can.'

     'Please try.'

     'I will.' He glanced over his shoulder as his flight was called. 'I have to go.'

     'Oh, sweetheart...'

     Arcane pulled back, eyes desolate.

     'Please don't make it any more difficult than it is.'

     'I'm sorry... I'll stay in touch. If there's any way around this, I'll let you know.'

     Arcane nodded � then briefly hugged Alec, lips very close to his ear.

     'Thank you. For everything.'

     'I'll never forget you.'

     Alec tried to stay in touch, but his letters went unanswered, and on the one occasion

he tried to ring, the voice on the other end said that Master Arcane wasn't available to come to the phone. Over the next

couple of years Alec tried to keep himself advised of how Arcane was, what he was doing, hearing the odd snippet of

news. Much as he'd expected, the boy was making waves at Cambridge, his innovative ideas not wholly to the taste of the

ancient university, but nevertheless followed through. It rather looked as though Arcane was going to revolutionise several

different branches of science if he was allowed his own way...

     By the time he graduated Alec had met Linda, and his love for the brilliant Brit had

faded. He did hear that Arcane had returned to MIT for a postgraduate course after Alec himself had left and was engaged

in his own research, but he hadn't been able to make the time to return to Boston to reacquaint himself with his first love �

even assuming Arcane would want him to. They weren't to meet again until Arcane had determined to acquire Alec's bio-

restorative formula � and look how that had ended...

     Alec shook his head, bringing himself back to the present. Gazing at Arcane, he

remembered how it had felt, all those years ago, to see the awkward, withdrawn, brilliant young man blossom, and

wondered how things would have worked out if they had been able to stay together...

     Anne and Graham had vanished for the moment, Anne no doubt persuading the

assistant to show her more of Arcane's research. Alec forced down the pain of the encroaching transformation and rested a

hip against the bench.

     'I tried to contact you.'

     Arcane froze, then reluctantly turned his head to regard his rival. Alec nodded.

     'I did try. I wanted so much to stay in touch. I wrote, and rang, and tried to keep up

with your news...'

     Arcane put down the beaker he was holding. He seemed suddenly very young and

uncertain.

     'I... That summer was a nightmare. Afterwards, I swore that no-one would hurt me

ever again.'

     'And you thought I would?'

     'I... I couldn't be sure...'

     'I promised I wouldn't, Anton. You meant too much to me.'

     The Brit rested his hands on the bench, head lowered and shoulders slumped, the

posture redolent of misery. Alec draped his arms over Arcane's shoulders and rested his chin on a lean shoulder, his voice a

low murmur.

     'You were such a beautiful soul, Anton.'

     Arcane's eyes closed as he leaned back into the embrace, hands rising to cover Alec's

where they rested on his chest.

     'And you were so good to me. What happened, Alec? Where did we go so wrong?'

     Alec gently kissed his neck.

     'You lost your way. I wish I could help you find it again.'

     Arcane turned his head enough to brush a kiss over Alec's cheek, and the older man

lifted a hand to hold his head in place, twisting to reach his mouth. Arcane shifted to face him, sliding his arms around the

broad back and pulling Alec to him with surprising strength.

     The kiss was fierce and passionate, almost desperate on Arcane's part, and Alec

responded helplessly, recalling the beginning of what could, he was sure, have become a true and enduring love.

     What couldn't they have accomplished, working together...

     Then Arcane stepped back, for a moment gazing at Alec, and Alec glimpsed the

young man he had been back then, open, vulnerable, brimming over with such breathtaking promise and hope and beauty.

Then Arcane closed his eyes and shook himself, stepping backwards a pace, and when he next eyed Alec he had veiled

himself in the bitter, cynical, arrogant fa�ade that was his usual face to the world.

     'You are sentimental. Such things have no place in the real world.' He gestured back

to the lab. 'And we have work to do.'

     He strode off, not bothering to check that Alec was following. Alec watched him go,

heartsick and aching.

     If only...

© January 2010, Joules Taylor.
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