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Not the lilac fields of my dreams	By : Anonymouse2359 Category: G through L > Glee Views: 14751 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and make no money from this fanfiction

Chapter List
- 1-Not the lilac fields of my dreams
- 1
It was the waiting that got to him the most. Burt had been ok with the run up to the test, he’d survived explaining to his bright eyed three year old that they were going to take him to find out if he was going to have a collar or not and explaining in simple terms what they meant for Kurt. Kurt had listened to him seriously before declaring he hoped he got to have a collar like his daddy, which had made both Burt and his mistress Elizabeth smile.

While it was a nice thought, Burt couldn’t help but hope his little boy didn’t get collared. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy his own life, Elizabeth was a fine woman and they had a wonderful relationship, she let him run his business though some people were reluctant to trust a collared mechanic and he’d never had any complaint against him, but he knew it wasn’t like that for some. He knew, mostly, the instincts of the dominant would keep them from hurting their sub, but he also knew that some of them did it anyway, and that the sub had no recourse it they did. He also remembered his teenage years, growing up as a submissive and everything that entailed.

He would love his little boy to death, but he wished for something better for his own child then he’d had.

Kurt had been brave through the test, sat with one hand in his mother’s hand, one hand in his father’s hand, letting the doctor take the DNA swab from his cheek for the genetic test. He seemed surprised that it didn’t hurt and after they went for ice cream.

Then came the waiting.

It was two weeks after Kurt’s official third birthday when he should have been collared that the package finally arrived. Burt’s heart fell at the sight of the package, too large to be just a letter saying he was dominant. It fell more at the way Kurt’s eyes lit up when Elizabeth pulled the white collar out of the pack. White to symbolise an underage submissive. She fastened the collar for him and Burt forced a smile and told him it made him look very grown up.

It was five years later that Burt discovered one of the other great pains of being a submissive, watching his mistress die. The day he held Kurt’s hand as they buried his baby’s mother he buried a part of himself, too. He swore, on that day, he would do everything he could to make Kurt as comfortable as possible and to make life good for him.

Life changed for the better when Kurt was 16. Burt had been worrying himself into an early grave about the boy. It was so obvious that he was going to end up with the red collar that would mark him out to any dominant man as fair game. Well, not any dominant man. He knew about the pheromones, he’d read about them at great length a few years ago when they were finally isolated, desperately hoping for a way for Kurt to avoid his fate using them.

An unattached sub emitted a scent, only not. The pheromones were subtle, and there were so many variations. The Doms could smell them, but only certain ones, and it was finding a sub they could smell that drove the Dooms to take them and claim the, establishing the bond. He’d researched ways to douse out or dilute the smell but nobody seemed to have had any luck with it, so he gave up on the idea of soaking Kurt in deodorant or something, not that the boy wasn’t good at covering himself in strange perfumes and scents as it was.

He’d been so focused on Kurt that he’d allowed himself to forget his own status as an unattached male sub. He still wore the black collar that signalled he was owned, of course. Just because Elizabeth had passed didn’t mean he wasn’t hers, and not all bereaved subs attracted a mate again, he’d thought himself in that category until he’d found himself pulled into a cupboard by Carole Hudson and everything changed.

Carole was a fine woman, and she’s been without a sub for a long, long time. Her son, Finn, was a dominant and Burt worried for a while about him approaching Kurt until he made it perfectly clear he was straight.

Kurt had been the most upset by the change, not only because he now had a new mother and brother in his previously quiet home but also because, well, Burt sheltered him. In the wake of Elizabeth’s death he hadn’t wanted to go out much, you heard horror stories about subs that were claimed again almost straight away after the death of their master or mistress, and just the thought was too much for him. He’d taken Kurt out for school and raised him at home, keeping them both safe inside. Because of that, most of Kurt’s images of what a bonding were like came from the movie, where it almost always happened in a field of lilac with soft kisses and Sting playing in the background.

It had been Carole who had ended up explaining to Kurt how rarely it was like that. How, when the Dom felt that attraction, they HAD To have the sub they’d found for themselves and few things would dissuade them. Some people were taken right out in the open, most at least got an empty room with a shut door, but it was rarely pleasant. A person you’d never met before dragging you away for sex. It was quick and often painful, even though male subs were self-lubricating; it wasn’t like you wanted something shoved up there without warning.

Burt had then sat down with a distraught Kurt and explained that, for him and Carole, it hadn’t been that bad. They were both experienced and considerate lovers, it was more when it was the first time for everyone that it hurt, and when it was unexpected, hence why Kurt had to stay inside and let Burt find him someone.

For two years, they lived happily. Carole turned out to be a better women then he could have hoped for, she took away all his fears about Kurt. Well, most of them. She made them all manageable anyway, pointing him at visiting services and discussing what they could do to make Kurt’s bonding as painless as possible.

When Kurt, a month before his birthday, declared he wanted to be bonded in New York, Burt was less than happy. He said, no, he punched doors, the very thought of losing Kurt tore at his heart. Bad enough that his baby boy should be someone’s sub, but all the way in New York?

It was Carole, as always, who calmed him down. Who pointed out to him that Lima had such a small number of free gay Dooms, setting up meetings with people suitable for Kurt would be hard, if not impossible. New York had so much more to offer, they could find him a better man, make sure he was better taken care of, and being in New York didn’t mean they’d never get to see him again.

On Kurt’s 18^th birthday, they sat him down with his new red collar and promised him they’d start looking to set up some meetings in New York, so he could meet Dooms in a situation of their choosing, where he could be ready for sex and for the bond that followed it. It was the best they could do for him.

Burt was content, when they started setting up the dated. He still worried for Kurt, of course he did, but they’d done all they could and he was going to give his little boy ALL the best chances.

= = = = =

Kurt Hummel was bored. So very bored. There were only so many time he could plan out the fabulous outfit combinations he was going to wear in New York without going insane. He got butterflies in his stomach every time he thought about the trip, about the men his dad and Carole had lined up for him to meet. A part of him hated that he wasn’t going to pick his own Dom; a part of him looked at just how happy his dad had been since Carole came into their lives and was willing to let fate choose for him.

But not even thinking about New York was stopping him being bored tonight. Finn was out, round at a friend’s playing games. Kurt didn’t have friends, not really. One of the many disadvantages of being home schooled. Sure, they used to have play dates with other home schooled subs, but that wasn’t the kind of thing you did when you were eighteen and meant to be preparing to be claimed.

He thought for a while about phoning Rachel, one of the other subs he knew, and criticising her clothing choices over the phone, but it wasn’t as good when he couldn’t see the indignant look on her face.

He’d already watched the Sound of Music twice that day, paying particular focus to the moment when Baron Von Trapp’s dominant instincts came fully back to him after losing his wife and he realised Maria was his true sub and he lay her down in a field of lilac and bonded to her.

He still wanted his bonding to be like that, though he knew it was more likely to involve a bed in New York then a field of lilac. The softness of it, though. The gentleness. How he’s put his arms around her, laid her down, kissed her like she was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. Kurt wanted that so bad, a man to hold him so gently, like spun glass.

Carole had told him the movies were rubbish, but there had to be some truth in them, he thought. He was determined his bonding would be amazing.

Either way, he couldn’t watch the same movie for a third time in the day, and he was too restless to watch any other. What he really wanted was a coffee, he’d been craving one all afternoon but it wasn’t just Finn who was out, his dad and Carole had gone to see some of her relatives and were staying overnight, leaving him home alone.

He knew going out alone was stupid, his dad had spelt that out to him often enough. Out there were Dooms who weren’t suitable for him but would see him and want him. If he was out with Carole or Finn or his dad they could get him out of these situations, like the guy Finn knew from school, Karofsky, who’d tried to claim Kurt when they’d gone out to the mall one day until Finn noticed and pulled him off him.

Still, there were so few unattached gay Dooms in Lima, and Kurt knew from Finn that Karofsky had already found himself another sub called Sebastian. And it was only a coffee.

He held out as long as he could, but in the end boredom and caffeine starvation won out and he decided it was worth the risk, what are the odds he’d run into another Dom who wanted him going for coffee in Lima on a Wednesday night anyway?

He took Carole’s car, the only one left in the garage. He hated the fact the he was the only member of the family NOT to have his own car, though he knew that it was because he was practically a prisoner in his own home. Why would he need a car, it’s not like he was going anywhere.

The roads to the Lima bean were quiet, and Kurt was glad about that. He hummed as he drove, and in no time he was walking in to the Lima bean, change in his hand, glad he’d done this. It was nice to get something past his dad every now and again, and he knew his dad had reason to worry but, really, sometimes he took things out of all proportion.

Kurt was so busy congratulating himself he didn’t notice the boy with the slicked back hair and no collar who’d sat up and paid attention as he came in. He didn’t notice as the boy abandoned his drink and his bag, standing up and walking across the room, eyes fixed on Kurt as if he wanted to devour him. He didn’t notice anything until an arm was suddenly wrapping around him chest from behind and pulling him back.

“What,” he stuttered, trying to fend off whoever had grabbed him, but he only succeeded in overbalancing himself and sending them both crashing to the floor.

The other boy recovered first, grabbing Kurt’s arms and pulling him across the room towards the bathrooms. Kurt struggled, tried to regain his footing but the stranger was moving him too fast. He called out to the shop assistant but she just gave him a sympathetic look and set his coffee to the side, then he was dragged through the bathroom door and all he had left was the small space and this stranger.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked as the stranger released his hands, finally managing to regain control and moving to the door, but the other boy was blocking it and he flipped the lock quickly. “You need to let me out of here right now.”

“Mine,” the stranger said, in the most possessive tone of voice, and it was only then that Kurt realised he didn’t have a collar and panic set in.

“Oh no,” he said, stepping back. The stranger looked almost drugged, heavy eyed but intense, and Kurt felt the panic rising in him. “This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening, I’m going to New York.”

It was almost like the stranger couldn’t hear him, or at least he didn’t seem to respond at all. He simply stepped across the individual stall, between the sink and the toilet, grabbed Kurt’s face in his hands and kissed him, hard.

It was just like when Karofsky had kissed him before, and nothing like Maria and Baron Von Trapp. An invasion, rough and unyielding and he was shoved back into the toilet paper holder, the cold metal digging into his back. Only it was worse than Karofksy because this time Finn wasn’t behind Karofsky, pulling him off and punching him. This time it was only him and this person and the stupid locked door he couldn’t even reach which meant that even if his dad did come in here, he wouldn’t be able to help.

Kurt felt the tears start, but the stranger didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he grabbed Kurt by the lapels, pulling him forward and forcing him to his knees, breaking the kiss as he pushed him down, then gripping the back of Kurt’s shirt as he moved around, dropping to the floor himself behind Kurt and pressing down on him, forcing his arms to give way so he was lying face down on the floor.

“Please, you can’t do this, I’m going to New York,” Kurt sobbed in disbelief, struggling to get forward, but the stranger was so heavy and it felt like his own body was growing weaker, rebelling against his mind and preparing for the invasion. He could feel the familiar wetness that he knew meant his body was lubricating itself.

The stranger yanked his trousers down and he gasped, then he gasped again as his underwear was pulled away too, wrapping around his knees. He screamed but nobody came, he hadn’t really thought they would at this point, but he had to, something made him.

All he could think, as the stranger’s forearm pressed him into the ground and he felt someone bump against his ass, was that he was never going to be able to see New York. All his dreams, of living there, finding fame, having a life of his home, was not being crushed by the penis slowly forcing its way into his body. He tried to squirm away but his limbs had become like lead and he felt trapped, by the law and the man on his back and his own body.

When the stranger was all the way in he stopped, lying there for a second and breathing. Below him Kurt struggled to breath. The floor was cold, hard and unforgiving and the weight of the stranger on his back was squeezing his lungs. He was beginning to grow faint, losing the struggle to force air into himself, when the stranger started moving. He pulled back, and Kurt almost cried in delight to feel the unwanted fullness leaving him, but then he slammed back, pushing Kurt forward as he did and slamming his arms against the door.

“No,” Kurt screamed. “Please, no.” There was no reply, though. No sound from outside and inside only his own sobbing and the heavy breathing of the stranger. He pulled out and thrust again, pushing Kurt forward again as he couldn’t find purchase on the slippery floor, and he knew his arms were going to be a horrible mess tomorrow from the pain that was lancing through them.

Luckily, the stranger didn’t last long, a few more strong thrusts and he was coming, collapsing on top of Kurt and crushing him into the cold, hard floor again and Kurt struggled to draw breath even more now over the sobs because he knew it was over, knew that this man was now his master, the bond had been established and this man could be anyone. He had the right to take Kurt away from his family, from everyone he loved, to do whatever he liked to Kurt, to lock him away and hurt him and do nothing but...but rape him all night and day and Kurt could do nothing to stop it.

The stronger finally rolled off him and Kurt skidded away. He thought about going for the door but it was too late, he knew. Instead he pushed himself into the corner, bringing his knees up and resting his head on them.

That hadn’t just happened, it hadn’t. He was going to New York and he’d bond with a carefully vetted, ambitions but caring young man who would appreciate his artistic streak and treat him like a treasure. He had not just been bonded on the bathroom floor in his local coffee shop.

He couldn’t have.

But his arms ached, his head spun, his chest still felt sore from the weight on it and his ass, it didn’t hurt like his arms but it ached and he could feel the other man’s cum running out of him and pooling on the floor below him.

And as soon as he noticed that he couldn’t stand it anymore, he jerked forward, grabbed the toilet bowl and wretched, nearly missing as his body shook with sobs. He was never going to see his family again and it was all his own fault. His daddy would never know what happened to him; never know where to look for him. They’d find Carole’s car abandoned out the front of the Lima Bean, maybe one of the attendants would be able to tell them he’d been bonded, and that would be it.

“I...I’m sorry...I...I didn’t...I’m so sorry...” a broken voice finally came through to Kurt. He realised, in a daze, that the words had been coming for a while but he just hadn’t been able to hear them over his own panic.

“Please, I didn’t mean to,” they said, but Kurt couldn’t think, couldn’t look. He couldn’t give the boy who did this to him the satisfaction. It wasn’t until a hand landed on his shoulder that he reacted, pulling as far away as he could in the confines of the bathroom.

“No, don’t touch me,” Kurt spat, “You’ve done enough, I can’t even.”

“I’m so sorry,” the voice said, and Kurt let himself focus on the offending hand, which had now stilled, coming to lie on the floor. He could cope with that, a hand; he couldn’t cope with the rest yet.

“Please, please let me help you,” the voice said, and it sounded desperate. “I never, oh god, I never wanted to do anything like this and I’m so, so sorry. Please, please just let me make it ok.”

“How can you ever make this ok?” Kurt spat, but he was sure it didn’t sound as vicious as he meant it to around the tears, and then he thought about what would make it ok. What would make it ok would be his daddy here, holding him tight. What would make it ok would be Carole petting his hair and promising him better than this for his first time. What would make it ok would be Finn there to fight of anyone who wanted to hurt him, and he could have had any of that if only he hadn’t been so damn stupid.

The sobs started fresh, his whole body shaking, and this time when the stranger’s hands come to touch him, pulling him close and holding him, he didn’t have the strength to pull away. He gave in, letting the stranger do what he wanted to.

And it wasn’t entirely bad, letting himself be held, not entirely. If he closed his eyes, and he did, he could almost pretend it was his daddy holding him, keeping him safe, not this stranger who had taken him. He could pretend the hand running up and down his back was the hand of someone who loved him, that the whispered words of apology and reassurance had any meaning.

He didn’t know how long he lay like that, but he did know that when he finally exhausted the tears out of himself the stranger’s t-shirt was soaked.

“I’m sorry,” the stranger mumbled, hand running up and down his back again. “I’m so sorry, I wish I could make this better. I can feel you now, I wish I could have felt you before and I’d been able to stop. I’ll never make you feel this scared, this vulnerable again, I swear I won’t.”

“What’s your name,” Kurt managed to choke out in a break in the patter. He needed to know, suddenly and desperately. He belonged to this man and he didn’t even know his name.

“Blaine,” the man said, stroking his hair. “I’m Blaine Anderson. What’s...what’s yours?”

“Kurt,” Kurt choked. He managed not to add the Hummel, since that wasn’t true anymore, but that only made the sobs start again.

“Oh Kurt,” the stranger...Blaine...whispered. And Kurt knew he had to call this man Blaine, but he didn’t imagine how he could ever feel so familiar with him right now. “I...I’m sorry. I’ll make this up to you, I swear. I promise I will never hurt you again. I’m...let me take you home. Tell me where you live and I’ll take you home, we can take tomorrow.”

“I don’t have a home now,” Kurt spat, trying to move away, but Blaine wouldn’t let him go, gently but firmly holding him close.

“You do. I won’t take your family away Kurt, I swear. I wish...god, I wish I’d met you somewhere else. I wish you’d been ready and we’d had a bed and flower petals and romantic music but I can’t change that, not now. Please, I know you need your family. Let me take you to them.”

Kurt felt another sob rise at the description, at the dream he’d lost, but still managed to choke out his address. Blaine had stood then, pulling Kurt to his feet and slowly, gently, righting both of their clothes.

Kurt let him. Blaine wanted to take control, fine, it wasn’t like Kurt could argue. He let Blaine guide him out of the coffee shop, stopping to claim his bag and Kurt’s cold coffee from an embarrassed looking clerk. He binned the coffee and Kurt nearly cried again at that, the coffee was all he’d wanted and instead he had this.

He let Blaine put him in his car, a nice sporty thing he noticed absently. He gave directions when prompted but mostly kept his eyes down.

He did start crying again when he noticed his dad’s car and Finn’s car in the driveway. He sobbed as the front door was thrown open and he dad came out, pulling him out of Blaine’s arms and into his own. He didn’t remember much of the night after that, snippets of concern and of warm hands tucking him into bed but he was so exhausted he fell quickly to sleep.

= = = = =

When he woke the next morning he had a glorious few seconds of dreaming until the aching in his arms and his back and his add brought his back to reality and the tears came again. It was all over.

His dad appeared quickly, holding him and promising him that it would get better, that it would be easier, though he couldn’t make himself believe that. He cried for an hour before his hears were spent, then he finally managed to crawl out of bed and dress.

While he dressed, his dad retreated to the living room with Finn, and when he came down he headed straight to the kitchen. Carole was there making breakfast and as soon as she saw him she put her things aside and came to him, pulling him into a tight, motherly embrace, and he moved her like a mother in that moment.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know I shouldn’t have gone but...”

“It’s ok, baby,” Carole murmured, rubbing his back. “It could be worse. I’m so sorry that your first time was like that but it’ll fade, I swear.”

“It won’t...”

“Oh Kurt, you can’t feel it yet but you’re bonded. It always takes a few days for the sub to feel it, but when you start feeling the bond, it’s like a rose opening in your chest. It’ll help you forget everything that came before, help you love your Dom.”

Kurt didn’t believe her, couldn’t believe her, but he nodded his head anyway, then pressed it back into his shoulder.

“Where’s Blaine?”

“He went home, love. He said he’d come back to see you. Not today, you need today, but tomorrow.”

“I never want to see him again,” Kurt said simply.

“You will,” Carole said softly, even a little sadly. “He seemed, he seemed like a nice boy, Kurt. I’m not sure exactly what he did to you but he seemed genuinely heartbroken about it, it took us half an hour after getting you into bed to calm him down enough for him to drive home. I think you dad wanted to strangle him but even he could see the boy was genuinely sorry.”

Kurt didn’t say anything to that either, he knew any criticism of Blaine, how he had acted last night, how scared and alone Kurt had been under him, would be an implicit criticism of Carole too. She was, after all, a Dom.

“Oh Kurt, it’s going to get better, I swear. Some on, let’s get some breakfast in you and then we can spend the day curled up on the couch watching those old musicals you love, ok?”

“Nothing with a bonding scene,” Kurt said, hoping the tremor he felt didn’t show in his voice. “I...I couldn’t stand it right now.”

“No bonding scenes,” Carole agreed, kissing the top of his head. “Go sit with your dad, he needs to be near you too. I’ll be through in a while with some breakfast.”

“Thank you,” Kurt mumbled, and then he turned and kissed her on the cheek softly before going through to join his dad in the living room and curl up in reassuring, loving arms.

= = = = =

It felt a little better the next morning. He got out of bed without a crying fit, anyway. He chose his outfit carefully, because whatever happened today he couldn’t say no to Blaine, couldn’t walk away from him, so he might as well make a good impression.

There was a curious feeling in the pit of his stomach, nervous apprehension and fear, and something else, something strange in him that he couldn’t quite place, and he was horribly afraid he was beginning to feel the start of the bond.

Blaine arrived at 2 PM. He was wearing a shirt and a tie and he looked so scared and upset that Kurt almost took pity on him, almost.

Then he was being hustled into the living room, Blaine behind him, and the door was closed and they were alone.

He didn’t know what to do with himself, where to look. A part of him never wanted to see Blaine again, never wanted to see the man who’d made him feel like that. A part of him wanted to pull up the long sleeves of his designer sweater and show Blaine just what he’d done, make him look at the livid bruises all over Kurt’s arms.

Another part was curious. After all, whatever he said now the man owned him, and Kurt wanted to study him. Wanted to know what kind of person he was going to be with for the rest of his life.

In the end, it was Blaine who broke the silence.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and he did look truly pitiful. “I’m so...I wasn’t myself. It was like I saw you and I just knew I had to have you, something took me over and, god, I’d never do anything like that normally but I knew I had to take you, I couldn’t stop myself. But I never meant to hurt you.”

“I...I know, I think,” Kurt said softly, and he did know. Intelligently he knew that Blaine hadn’t been able to control his actions, that it was instinct, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“I’m not going to say I wish I could take it back,” Blaine said, his tone soft. “I’ve been looking for a year and not found anyone, and you’re so beautiful. I can feel you, though our bond, like you’ll be able to feel me soon and I know you’re a good person, I know you’re caring and thoughtful and forgiving and I can’t be sorry that I found you, but I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry I’m not what you were hoping for.”

Kurt sat down when Blaine had finished, he felt like he couldn’t think. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. He hadn’t been expecting that apology at all and had no way of knowing how to react to it.

“What...what does the bond feel like?” he asked, finally. “I...how do you know you do feel the bond?”

“I felt it as soon as...as soon as we were done,” Blaine said, flushing a little. He hesitated for a second then came towards Kurt, lowering himself to sit on the floor as Kurt’s feet. “It’s like, it’s like, I guess, a reassuring weight inside me? Like I’ve tied a strong from me to you and I can feel it, feel you, all the time. Like, I know what you’re feeling, I can feel how confused you are, how scared you are, how disappointed, but I know they’re your emotions, not mine, they’re separate.”

“I think...I think I feel the start of it,” Kurt admitted, thinking of the strange tug in his own chest, a tug that was starting to feel like fear and anticipation and hope, but not his own. “I...I don’t know what to do. This is all, we were going to go to New York. We’d set up meetings on the internet for me with compatible people, I don’t even know anything about you.”

“There’s not much to know,” Blaine said, softly. “I’m Blaine. I’m 18, nearly 19. I finish school soon, I guess we’re probably the same age. I love to sing, I want to make art, and help people. I have a scholarship to study in New York next year, music at NYU.”

Kurt tried not to let his hope build at that, but he couldn’t stop it. Blaine sounded almost more like a list of things Kurt would ask for in a Don than anything else.

“I always thought...” Blaine paused, fidgeting for a second, and Kurt could feel his discomfort through the bond. “I always imagined when I met the person for me, it would be like that scene in the sound of music, where Julia Andrews and Christopher Plummer bond in the field of lilacs. I never wanted to hurt anyone, least of all the person I’m bonded to.”

“Me too,” Kurt said, softly. “I was watching the sound of music just before I went out for that coffee...” he trailed off, losing himself in the memory, the feeling of hope from before, when he’d been his own person. And here was Blaine, offering him a slice of that hope back. “I don’t...Carole, my step-mom, says that soon I’ll forget about what happened in that bathroom, but I’m not sure I can. I don’t think I’m going to be ready for you to touch me again for a long time.”

“I accept that,” Blaine said with a soft nod. “I swear that I will never hurt you again. I just want to know you, to take care of you.”

“I...I think that would be ok. If we’re slow...I think it might be ok,” said Kurt, and he was kind of shocked at the words coming out of his own mouth. Yesterday he wouldn’t have thought he could say this, but now, something about the sincere look on Blaine’s face, like if Kurt asked for the stars he’d do his damn best to fetch then, and the heavy weight of the bond settling in his chest, was starting to make it ok.

“I hope so,” Blaine said, softly. “I...I brought something for you. I know you might not want it but...wait a second.”

Kurt sat still while Blaine left the room, trying to piece everything back together. A large part of him was still hurting, the tears were still close to the surface and he didn’t think that would stop any time soon, but in all his turmoil he felt a little ray of hope. Blaine didn’t have to do any of this. He didn’t have to sit at Kurt’s feet and make promises. He didn’t have to share Kurt’s dreams. But he had, and he did, and some day it might be enough.

Blaine came back into the room with a collar box, and Kurt managed a small smile for him. He’d known this was coming, he was taken now, the red collar was no longer appropriate. Blaine knelt at his feet again, opening the box and showing him the block collar inside. It was classy, a simple straight edge, but made of a richly patterned, textured velvet. Kurt reached out and ran his hand over it, it was soft to the touch, unlike some collars, and he knew he wouldn’t chafe his neck.

“It’s lovely,” he murmured, sliding of the chair slowly to kneel facing Blaine.

“I hoped you’d like it,” Blaine said, a little breathless, and from here Kurt couldn’t help but notice how beautiful his eyes were. “I...I had another one but I went into town this morning and bought this, I thought you’d appreciate it, and I wanted to give you something special, not just a standard black collar. You seemed...you seemed like the kind of person who’s appreciating something nice, and I want to be able to give nice things to you.”

“Put it on me,” Kurt said, softly. This scene, at least, they could do. It was almost as romantic as the bonding, the scene where the Dom would take away the old collar and put on the claiming collar. He bent his head forward slightly to allow Blaine access to the buckle, and Blaine fumbled a little, Kurt could feel the nerves through the link, how Blaine appreciated the symbolism of this act too.

The new collar was just as soft as he imagined, and once it was on he noticed that Blaine couldn’t seem to stop staring at his neck, felt the strange mixture of awe and hope Blaine was feeling through the link.

“Are you going to make me live with you now?” Kurt asked, breaking the moment at it started to become uncomfortable. Blaine looked up, meeting his eye.

“No. It’s only two weeks until I finish High School, and then we have the summer. I know you’re hurting right now, I know you need your family. I was thinking, it might be better if you stay here until the end of the summer. I can spend time with you until then, get to know you, and then when I go to New York in the autumn you can come with me.”

“Will it be ok for me to come with you?” Kurt asked, a little breathy with wonder at the idea of New York.

“I’ll make it ok,” Blaine said, simply. “I take care of you now, you don’t need to worry about it.”

“Thank you,” Kurt said softly. “I...I think we should go talk to my parents now.”

“Yes,” Blaine said, standing slowly. “I don’t think your brother likes me at all, he threatened to kill me when I brought you here.”

“He’s a little protective,” Kurt said with a smile, remembering the rocky start to their relationship and feeling a little warm at what Finn would, apparently, do for him now.

“I think I know why,” Blaine said with a little smile. “Your dad too, they care about you a lot. It’s nice, I’m glad they’re here for you.”

“I’m glad too,” Kurt said. “Come on, let’s go face them. If you just tell them what you told me, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

Finn was stood outside the door, evidently poised to lead into action if Kurt had so much as squeaked. His dad and Carole were sat in the kitchen, and whatever Carole had said about even his dad feeling a little sorry for Blaine when he’d brought Kurt here, he didn’t look sorry now.

And for a second Kurt almost wanted to reach over and squeeze Blaine’s hand to reassure him, and in the next second he thought maybe, eventually, this would be ok.

= = = = =

Kurt living at home went some way to calm his dad, especially since it meant Blaine had to come to the house if he wanted to see Kurt. He first week, Blaine dared Kurt’s dad’s glares to visit twice, though he was busy with school work. They sat in the living room both times and watched old musicals. Blaine swore he would take Kurt to see Wicked when they got to New York. During the collar change scene in singing in the rain, Kurt lay his head on Blaine’s shoulder.

The second week he came round three times, eating a meal with the family on Friday night. The bond had settled fully by then and Kurt could feel just how scared Blaine was, just how much he wanted to this go well so it would be easy for Kurt to still have his family in his life. That night, Kurt kissed him goodbye on the doorstep.

Week three he was there as often as Burt would let him in. They watched movies and plotted makeovers for various celebrities and decorated their dream New York flat on an idea board. Kurt only dreamt of their bonding once that week.

Week four, Blaine went to New York with his family to find them a suitable flat. They’d established Blaine’s family was rich already, and apparently willing to invest in real estate in New York to give their son every advantage. He phoned every evening but, still, on Thursday night Kurt woke up sobbing and, this time, instead of crying because of their bonding he cried because Blaine was so far away.

Blaine gave up an extra day in New York to come home on Friday, and Kurt kissed him for the first time since they’d bonded.

A small part of Kurt wanted to cling to the pain of their bonding, but he found it harder and harder to do every day. He knew a lot of the way it was fading from him was due to the bond he shared with Blaine, a link that seemed to eclipse everything else at the moment. He wondered if that was how bondings were translated to Lilac fields in the movies, time and the bond dulling the memory of their pain.

He’d read a lot about the bond after it had happened, read how it caused a sense of well being, of being cared for and loved so even if the Dom was brutal the sub would still feel loved. He had noticed those feelings in himself, but he’d put them down to the way Blaine cared for him. Who wouldn’t feel cherished when they were treat so well.

The week before they moved to New York, Kurt and Blaine had a long take. Blaine was concerned about how Kurt had been hidden away from the world, and he knew Kurt had dreams of being a star but he wanted to work him up gradually. He made Kurt promise that he’d only leave their apartment when Blaine was with him so he could look after him, and Kurt was secretly glad to make the promise. When he’d dreamed about New York it had seemed wonderful, but now, with it looming so close, it scared him.

He found, anyway, that he didn’t want fame the same way he had before. He felt as though having Blaine was enough for him, now. The feeling of being with Blaine, of knowing that Blaine would care for him, take care of everything for him, overpowered everything else.

Finally, as summer drew to an end, they packed Kurt’s belongings into Blaine’s car, he kissed his family goodbye and they headed for New York.

= = = = =

New York was an exciting as he’d hoped and at intimidating as he’d feared as they drove through it, and Blaine had held his hand reassuringly when he could. He wondered, vaguely, what it would have been like to come here with his dad, be bonded to a man he’d never met before and left here. He knew, logically, that the bond would have taken care of him, made him trust whoever he was left with, but he couldn’t help but be glad that Blaine had found him first and he didn’t have to face New York without someone to look after him.

Their building had a garage, which was a sign of how expensive it must have been but Kurt didn’t let that both him. He’d met Blaine’s parents twice now and realised why Blaine hadn’t taken him to live with them, they were harsh and judgemental but when they’d criticised him Blaine had stopped them, when they’d not listened to him he’d taken Kurt away, holding him tight and telling him that he loved him until he calmed down.

Most of Kurt’s things had gone ahead, they only had the things he hadn’t been able to live without to carry and between them they just about managed to lift it all and get into the elevator.

The flat was high up, and Kurt was glad they didn’t have to move his things up stairs. When they entered the flat Blaine steered him straight into the living room and it didn’t take long for Kurt to realise why. Not only was it decorated just like their dream board but it had the most wonderful view, he was transfixed as soon as he saw it, the entire city laid out below him, just as beautiful as he’d imagined.

He didn’t know how long he stood there gaping until Blaine approached him, wrapping him in a gentle hug from behind and bringing his chin to rest on Kurt’s shoulder.

“It’s beautiful,” Kurt sighed, reaching up to squeeze Blaine’s hand.

“You’re beautiful,” Blaine replied, kissing Kurt’s cheek softly. “So beautiful, I wish I could give you the world, some day I will.”

“I feel like I’ve already got everything I need,” Kurt admitted softly. “You’ve given me everything I need...”

“I always will,” Blaine reassured him, rubbing his hand up and down Kurt’s arm. “I’m going to make you happy here. I’m going to show you all the beautiful parts of New York, I’m going to give you everything I can and I’m going to love you every day.”

“Thank you,” Kurt sighed, and in that moment he knew it didn’t matter if he reached the dream of fame his mother and he had dreamt when he was small, his bigger dream, the dream of a good Dom who would care for him to love him, he had that already.

“Do you trust me, Kurt?”

“Of course,” Kurt said with a laugh, because he couldn’t not trust Blaine as, from that first awkward meeting in the living room where they’d changed his collar, Blaine had done nothing but try to earn his trust.

“Come with me.” Blaine said, giving him a soft smile and tugging at his hand. Kurt followed willingly, back through the hall and into another room which proved to be the bedroom and when he saw it he stopped and gasped.

Every surface was covered in Lilac flowers, they were scattered around the floor and a few were sprinkled across the bed. The bedspread was the light green of grass, the entire room smelt like a summer meadow.

“Blaine...”

“I couldn’t give you this for your bonding,” Blaine said, and he sounded genuinely distressed about it, and Kurt didn’t know how to tell him that his heart had forgiven him for that by now. “But I want you to have this. I can’t take you to a Lilac meadow, but I can bring one to us. Kurt, you can say no if you’re not ready but, please, I’d be so honoured if you’d go be bed with me.”

“Oh, Blaine, of course I will,” Kurt said, turning and kissing the other boy. Blaine smiled into the kiss, then slowly eased Kurt back into the room.

“Take your clothes of for me, Kurt,” Blaine said, and Kurt rushed to obey, removing the layers quickly and folding them until he stood naked before Blaine. Blaine trailed a hand over his chest, then lower over his stomach and finally around his waist, humming in approval. “So lovely,” he said, “I can hardly believe you’re for me.”

“All for you,” Kurt said, and he meant it. Blaine chuckled and pushed him back gently until he was sat on the side of the bed. Only then did Blaine step back and remove his own clothes, letting Kurt watch as he revealed himself.

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” Blaine promised. “I’m going to take such good care of you, I’m going to make you feel better then you’ve ever imagined. But, for tonight, I just want to be inside you.”

Kurt nodded eagerly, though he knew it wasn’t really a question. He went willingly as Blaine pushed him onto his back, letting the other boy settle on top of him and kiss his neck, stopping to suck at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder, but the weight on him wasn’t suffocating this time, it was warm and welcome.

“Move back for me,” Blaine said, sitting up. “So you’re heads on the pillows.”

Kurt rushed to comply, settling into the smell of Lilac. Blaine picked up one of the flowers, gently brushing it against Kurt’s sensitive skin and sending shivers through him. He could already feel himself growing wet.

“Later,” Blaine said, moving the flower to brush over Kurt’s nipples. “When you’re more comfortable, I want to blindfold you, so you won’t know where I’m going to touch next. I want to tease you right to your limit, to kiss every inch of you until you bed me to let you come.”

“Please,” Kurt breathed, and he hadn’t meant to beg already but he was getting hard just from Blaine’s words and the brush of the flower, he knew this wouldn’t take long.

“Together, we’re going to do everything. I will make you so happy you will NEVER regret being bonded to me.”

“I won’t,” Kurt breathed, reaching for Blaine. “I swear.”

Blaine caught his hand and kissed it, then lowered it gently to the mattress again.

“Tell me what you want.”

“I want you inside me,” Kurt said, breathily, and it was true. He’d thought, after the first time, that he’d never want that from Blaine, but right now his body was singing for him. Finally Blaine caved, running a hand gently over Kurt’s prick then down between his legs to his opening. Kurt was already slick and wet and it felt good when Blaine slid a finger inside, his body easily accommodating it. He added a second one quickly and then a third. As he slid the third one in he leant down at the same time, taking Kurt’s prick into his mouth, and Kurt was lost in sensation, the feel of Blaine’s warm wet mouth on his cock, the fingers inside him, stretching him, moving within him. He moaned as they did, he’d never felt like this before.

“Blaine,” he begged, aware that he was panting but not able to care. “Please, Blaine. Please, I want you in me.”

“I am in you, Kurt,” Blaine said, his tone amused, as he pulled back from Kurt’s prick. Kurt almost let out a sob of frustration and he’d never felt Blaine move so fast but suddenly he was there, arms around him, soft kisses on his face.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, and Kurt laughed, bringing his arms up and holding Blaine close to him. This is what it was to be loved.

“Nothing, I just need you in me,” Kurt breathed. “Please, Blaine, don’t play with me tonight. I need you so badly.”

“I guess there will be lots of time to play later,” Blaine said, relief in his voice. He moved back again and Kurt grumbled at the lack of contact until Blaine settled between his legs, pulling Kurt’s hips up to give him access.

“Are you ready for me love?”

“So ready,” Kurt breathed, and a second later Blaine was in him, a little at first, but Kurt was so wet, so ready, that Blaine almost slid in and it seemed like to time until he was buried as deep as he could go. Kurt felt wonderful, he felt full and surrounded and cared for and so very loved.

“Blaine,” he moaned, and Blaine leant over though the position was awkward and kissed him, sloppily.

“I love you so much, Kurt,” he breathed, and Kurt moaned, giving a little thrust of his hips. Blaine laughed, but he took the hint and began moving, thrusting into Kurt slowly at first, but more quickly as he began to lose control. Kurt looked up at him through a haze of pleasure and watched as Blaine, normally so carefully put together, came undone above him.

Kurt’s orgasm snuck up on him, in a way, he wasn’t ready for it, he wished he could stay there forever but suddenly it was on him and he was lost, crying out Blaine’s name just as Blaine called out his.

He felt bereft when Blaine pulled out, but better when the other man moved up the bed, pulling Kurt over to lie on his chest. Kurt snuggled in, content and satiated. He couldn’t help but feel that in that moment their life together began, and he knew it would be a life where he would never lack for love or care.
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Not the lilac fields of my dreams