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Beneath the Anger	By : Kuragari75 Category: Stargate: SG-1 > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2712 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 nor any rights to the show. also no profit is being made from this

Chapter List
- 1-Beneath the Anger
- 2-Say it
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- 2
Daniel stepped out from the gate to the sight of Jack pacing the gate room. Oh boy, he was in for it. Jack pacing when they returned from a mission was never a good sign. Sure everything had gone well on P5S-381... Only just. But once again, Daniel had ‘disobeyed’ Jack, placing himself in the line of fire in an attempt to avoid mass slaughter. It would be putting it mildly to say that Jack was not happy with him. Daniel had a sinking feeling he’d pushed a little too far this time. Now that he thought about it, voluntarily boarding a ship that was less than a minute from being blown out of the sky had probably not been the best decision; but it had all turned out for the best. He wasn’t even entirely sure why exactly Jack was so pissed off. He had seemed fine back on the planet. Then again maybe that was an attempt to avoid yelling in front of the Enkarens. Though he would probably never admit it, Jack cared a lot about how Earth’s ‘allies’ viewed him.
Of course now that they were back in the SGC, Daniel supposed it was only a matter of time before Jack let him have it. Luckily, as he and Teal’c stepped off of the platform and Jack started toward him with fury in his eyes, General Hammond ordered them all up for their debriefing.
It would only offer a short reprieve from what was becoming a routine tongue-lashing, but it was something.
---------------------------------------------------
Daniel escaped from the debriefing as soon as Hammond said ‘dismissed’ and headed straight for his lab. If Jack was going to shout and ridicule him, he prefer it was in the safety of his own office. He knew that being surrounded by books and artifacts would at least make Jack feel a little unsteady.
Not ten minutes passed before Jack came storming in, slamming the door behind him. Barely enough time for Daniel to grab a book and look occupied.
“The dramatic entrance is a new touch,” he said calmly, not even bothering to look up.
“You mind telling me what the hell your thought process was back there?!” Jack exploded, ignoring Daniel’s comment like usual. He had to suppress the urge to sigh.
“Care to be more specific?” he asked instead, looking back through one of his notebooks.
“Specific?!”
Well at least Jack was listening a little.
“Some people find it helpful to understand why they’re being yelled at if you give them the exact event that caused said yelling.”
“Damn it, Daniel! Save it! You know perfectly well why I’m angry!” the colonel snapped back, not at all amused.
Daniel did sigh then, taking off his glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on and Jack technically hadn’t even started yet. He decided to leave the glasses off, considering how angry Jack seemed, just in case the colonel decided to take a swing at him.
“You’re angry because I just helped save two entire cultures?” he tried hopefully, trying to head the other man off even though he knew it was useless.
“That was mostly luck on your part… and no! That’s not what I’m angry about!”
Jack stormed around the desk and for a second Daniel really thought he was about to be punched.
“I’m angry because one of my own people VOLUNTARILY boarded a ship that was about to be destroyed!!” he was truly yelling by the end and standing pretty close to Daniel’s side. “And don’t sigh at me! You know how I feel about that, we shouldn’t be taking those kinds of risks! But no! EVERY DAMN TIME we step out on a mission, you go traipsing off! Following your own damn ideas and NOT CARING IF YOU END UP DYING!!!! Which…” Jack continued, still pushing. “by the way, YOU HAVE!”
Daniel’s jaw was clenched so hard, he could hear his teeth creaking. He was used to these little talks with the Colonel by now, but that didn’t make them any less infuriating.
“Well what am I supposed to do, COLONEL!” He finally snapped back, sick of being treated like a disobedient child. “Shoot first and ask questions once an ENTIRE CIVILIZATION is dead?!?”
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO CARE IF YOU LIVE OR DIE!” Jack shouted practically in his face.
“WHY?!” Daniel demanded, not backing down. “What am I compared to two entire worlds being destroyed? Tell me why, in the face of TWO GENOCIDES, should I be giving a SECOND’S THOUGHT TO MY OWN LIFE?!”
“SO YOU DON’T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU LIVE OR DIE?!”
“IF IT HAPPENS TRYING TO SAVE MILLIONS OF LIVES THEN NO! I DON‘T!”
Daniel watched as Jack circled back away from him, rubbing his hands fiercely through his hair in frustration. He knew that the colonel often compared their conversations to receiving a bat to the head, and he was inclined to agree.
Jack was too much the soldier, and he too much the scholar for 98% of their conversations to go smoothly. Then again, there was that 2%, those few conversations that were almost silent they went so well. It was because of those rare moments that the two men had remained friends.
Unfortunately this was not panning out to be one of those moments as Daniel was still uncertain whether or not he was about to receive a fist in the face.
Finally Jack stopped, leaning his forehead against a shelf, his shoulders hunched.
He said something quietly under his breath, but somehow Daniel knew he was supposed to have heard it.
“What was that?”
“I said, I do!” Jack snapped, turning to look at him, an unfamiliar emotion flaring in his eyes. “You may not care if you die out there, Daniel…” he clarified, his tone softer, “But I do.”
Daniel was so caught off guard by the declaration, he couldn’t think of a response. He just sat there staring as the colonel turned away from him abruptly, bracing his arms on the work table and hanging his head.
“Damn it all to hell, Daniel, but ever since we lost you that first time, ever since that funeral where we didn’t even have anything to bury, I’ve had this… fear.”
Daniel felt frozen as he stared at Jack’s hunched shoulders. This couldn’t be happening… could it?
“Every mission we go on I find myself thinking, ‘maybe this’ll be the day. Maybe this will be the mission where I lose you for good.’ And I can’t Danny,” Jack’s voice grew stronger with every word, apparently gaining confidence the more he spoke. “I can’t have you die. We’ve been so lucky so far, always finding some miracle at the last minute, but one day, our luck will run out.”
Jack turned back to face him and Daniel couldn’t breathe pinned beneath the pain in the older man’s eyes.
“And the worst part is, you’re so damn noble that you don’t care. You don’t care about yourself, just the cause, and one of these days, you won’t come back. And you won’t care, not about what… about who you’re leaving behind,” Jack swallowed hard and lowered his gaze. “You want to know why I’m always so angry with you? It’s because every near miss just tells me more and more how much you don’t give a shit that we’ll have to go on without you. That you’d be leaving us... me here without you. That you don’t care for me... the way I care for you.”
Jack met his eyes once more, hurt and anger swimming in the slate depths. Daniel wanted to say something reassuring but he still couldn’t get his voice to work.
“You don’t hesitate, don't give a single thought for what your death would do to me… and that fucking hurts.”
Then Jack was gone, storming out the door and down the hall, leaving Daniel clinging to a wall and wondering when his world would stop spinning. How the hell had things turned around so quickly?
He must have stood there for a few minutes though it felt like an eternity.
Eventually, Samantha came in, a few files tucked in her arms, to find him standing against the wall, glasses off and mouth open in shock.
“Daniel?” she started slowly. “You all right?”
The archeologist blinked hard and looked at her with fuzzy eyes.
“Huh?” he replied intelligently.
“Are you ok?” she checked again, carefully setting the files on his work table… the one Jack had just spilled his confession over.
“Uhm…” he tried again to get his voice working. He picked up his glasses to stall and cleared his throat, hoping the trembling in his hands wasn’t too noticeable. “We have the next few days off, right?”
“Uh… yeah,” Sam answered, placing a hand on her hip as she stared at him in confusion.
“All right, well I’ll see you in a few days then,” he said, quickly grabbing his bag and striding out the door, leaving Carter bewildered behind him. He’d be damned if Jack O’neil dropped a bomb like that and just ran off. No. Fucking. Way!
Kuragari: (small edit to end of chapter, nothing you'd really notice) so there’s just not enough Jack/Daniel out there for my liking. Here’s the first chapter, I realize I have a lot of fics and I’m sorry some haven’t been updated in a while but they will be! in the meantime enjoy my rediscovered love for SG1. Please r&r
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Beneath the Anger