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The Alternate Profession Quandary	By : banana-x-phone Category: 1 through F > The Big Bang Theory Views: 9457 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory, nor do I own the characters contained within. I am not receiving any monetary compensation for posting this story. Reviews are appreciated.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
It was supposed to be a one-shot, but it has turned into a short multi-fic (3 chapters max).
Enjoy!
The pink and white flashing neon lights of the sign on the building illuminated his face. He was thankful that his father had left the keys to his pickup truck behind. The radio softly played, Dolly Parton was crooning a sad tale of betrayal and regret. He sat in the middle seat of his father's 1985 Chevy pickup truck reading the latest adventures of the Flash. Often when he and his father would go out duck hunting with his older brother George Jr., who was ten years older, the two of them would stop here for an hour or so, leaving him in the truck to wait, before dropping him off to his mother's house. Tonight, it was just him and his father. The divorce hadn't really affected him much, he got to live with his mother and only visit his father when it was convenient for him to pick Sheldon up.
His eyes glanced up at the door to the establishment when a man walked out with a woman. He had hoped it was his father, but it wasn't. The woman was laughing and touching the man's chest, she was wearing next to nothing, and before he could get a better look at the man, they disappeared around the dark corner. He knew that she would come back alone and go back into the building. It's was not the first time he had seen her disappear behind the corner with a strange man. His gaze flicked to the sign. Ocean Cabaret. At eleven years old, he had a vague idea as to what went on in there. Being a genius with an IQ of 187 didn't help his prepubescent mind. This was the last time he would spend with his father, sitting in the parking lot of a seedy strip joint waiting for his father to come back, most likely after consuming four or five beers, and drive him home. College was right around the corner and he could finally get away from his East Texas family and spend his time with other academics. He would give anything to be in the arms of his mother, listening to her nonsensically ramble on about how Jesus loved him.
The door opened again, and he quickly fixed his gaze on his father, he stumbled toward the truck with a brunette woman on his arm. She was quite busty and her cleavage spilled from her tacky, low cut leopard print dress. His father got behind the wheel of the truck and the woman climbed in beside him. The smell of beer filled the vehicle as they began to drive away from the building and he felt the urge to vomit tickling at the back of his throat. He set the comic book he was reading in his lap and looked up at the woman. She was wearing entirely too much make up in a bold attempt to conceal her age. She smiled at him. His head snapped forward and he averted his eyes to the gear shift in an attempt to make himself invisible. Maybe if he didn't move, she wouldn't be able to see him.
"Hi Handsome." The woman said. Her voice was raspy and thick. A twitch took over the entire left side of his face as he refused to meet her incessant gaze. His father cuffed him on the back of his head. The force caused him to lurch forward and smack his forehead against the dashboard. He grasped at the goose egg that was quickly forming on his forehead and he bit back the urge to cry out in pain. He had survived much worse, that's for sure.
"Shelly, Rhonda is talkin' to you. Smart'n up, or you're gonna see a whole world of hurt." His father sternly said. He bit at his lip and glanced back at the woman sitting beside him. He choked back the tears that welled up in his eyes. He would never let his father see him cry. It didn't matter how hard he was hit or how cruel the words that were said to him were, he would never give him the satisfaction. His grip tightened on the comic book that sat in his lap, destroying the value of one of the things he treasured the most.
"Hello." He quietly said while briefly meeting her eyes. She smiled while glancing down at the comic book in his hands. Quickly, he clutched it to his chest. He just wanted to be at home, tucked into bed. Perhaps his mother would sing him Soft Kitty tonight.
"What'cha readin' there?" She drawled, her accent was thick and it grated on his nerves. His eyes glanced over at her and then back to the comic book he clutched in his hands. For fear of getting another smack, he answered quickly.
"It's the Flash #220, It Starts Here: Rogue War, Chapter 1." He quietly replied. The woman smiled and shifted in her seat as she rolled down the window and lit up a Marlboro Light. The airways to his lungs constricted and he could feel his asthma acting up. Only a few more blocks to go. Only a few more blocks to go. Only a few more blocks to go, he mentally repeated to himself. Once they arrived at his house, the woman got out of the truck, and Sheldon got out. His father drove away without as much as a goodbye. A tear escaped his soft, dark lashes and splashed onto his cheek.
He ran across the tiny front yard, his pathway was dimly illuminated by the street lamp in front of his house. The door flung open, he dropped his comic book by the door and he ran past his mother and twin sister who were watching television in the living room. The sound of her comforting footsteps followed behind him as he briskly walked to his room. After tearing his clothes off and changing into his Saturday night pajamas, his mother quietly walked into his bedroom and sat beside him on the bed. Her hand hovered over the bump on his forehead. She lightly touched it and he winced.
"Sheldon, baby, what happened?" His mother knowingly asked. Sheldon could see it in her eyes, she knew that anything other than 'George gave it to me' would be a lie. He tried anyway.
"I hit my head on the truck." Sheldon said, his eye twitched as he told his half-truth. The negation of him telling her that the force of his father's hand hitting the back of his head caused him to hit his head on the truck would eat him up inside, he didn't care. His mother ran her fingers through his short dark hair and she pulled him closer to her. He sat hugging his mother while she gently stroked his hair. Sheldon relaxed into her touch and closed his eyes. He was home, he was safe and he wouldn't have to go to Ocean Cabaret ever again. He pulled away and got into his bed; his mother tucked him in and sat down beside him.
"Mom?" He sleepily asked. She ran her fingers through his baby soft hair, her touch was so comforting.
"Yeah baby?" She softly replied. His piercing blue eyes met hers for a moment before he looked away.
"Will you sing Soft Kitty to me?" He asked. Though it was a childish request, he didn't care. He needed it.
"Of course, baby." She lovingly told him. Sheldon closed his eyes and let his mother sing him to sleep.
That was just over two decades ago, but thanks to Sheldon's eidetic memory he could remember it like it happened yesterday. They were on their way to Howard's bachelor party. The night of the party, they had all decided that it would be fun to go to the strippers. Sheldon couldn't push the childhood memory out of his head. The entire night, that was literally all he could think about. Sheldon stared blankly out the window as his friends talked about how epic this night was going to be. An epic waste of time, perhaps. There was a dress code for the club they were going to, they had to wear dress pants, nice shoes and a shirt with a collar. Sheldon had originally had wanted to wear his plaid suit, but his friends forbade it. Instead he was forced to wear the black dress pants that went along with the suit that he had procured with Penny in the mall, along with the black dress shirt that was originally paired with the suit. He wasn't allowed to wear a tie, and they made him roll up his sleeves to his just under his elbows. Sheldon felt like a clown, despite the praise and approval he received from the group of men he was being forced to spend the evening with.
The car they hired pulled up to the club and Sheldon looked at the flashing sign. Bare 'N Legal. Sheldon grimaced at the name of the club. Howard had sworn it was one of the best clubs in California, which is why they had to drive a half hour from Pasadena to Pomona to get to it. The men piled out of the car and walked toward the club, for an extra $50 the driver would wait in the parking lot for them until they were finished. The return trip already cost them $100 per person, what was another $12.50 per person? Sheldon kept his hands in his pockets, gripping the hand sanitizer in one and the wad of ones the guys had insisted he take out from the bank in the other as the bouncer let them inside the club. It was dark and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust, he noticed that it was a completely nude bar and he flushed with embarrassment while averting his eyes to the floor. He willed this night to be over as quickly as physics would allow, which was no faster than it could possibly be allowed according to the laws of physics. He hoped that his perception would kick in to allow him to believe that time was flying by, as it were.
They sat at a table and waited for the waitress to arrive. A tiny Korean girl with long black hair came by, she was topless, but luckily she had a black pair of lacy panties on. Sheldon couldn't help but stare at her perfect, most likely, surgically enhanced tits. Leonard leaned in and ordered eight shots of rum and three rum and cokes and one diet coke for Sheldon. Earlier in the evening, Sheldon had agreed to participate in all aspects of the bachelor party, including partaking in the drinking. The alcohol might take the edge off, and release some of the nervous energy he was already feeling about attending a bachelor party. Had he known they were going to the strippers before he made that promise, he might have reconsidered. It didn't matter, he was in the thick of it and there wasn't any turning back. The small waitress came back and distributed the drinks and shots to the table. The men at the table took out a dollar bill and stuffed them into her panties. Sheldon must have missed the social cue. He didn't know the protocol, as it was his first time actually in a strip club. The guys eyed him expectantly and he quickly realized that he needed to follow suit. He took out a bill from his pocket and tried to hand it to the girl. She pouted at him.
"Sorry, Miss." He mumbled, the Texas accent that he worked so hard to suppress had escaped him. Sheldon looked down at her makeshift panty pockets and reluctantly placed the bill into her undergarments. He was trying to be respectful of the woman serving them and to a certain degree, she didn't want it. She grinned at him and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. Sheldon stiffened under her touch, his hand restlessly fidgeted in his lap. When she left, he took out the hand sanitizer and rubbed a small amount into his hand and vigorously rubbed his hands together. Before his hands completely dried her rubbed at the spot on his cheek where she kissed him. His friends looked at him with wide grins prominently displayed on their faces. Sheldon rolled his eyes at them.
"You player, Sheldon Cooper!" Raj shouted as he picked up a shot. Sheldon followed suit and picked up one of his shots.
"Yes, well, let's just get this treacherous evening done and over with." He quickly said while raising his shot glass to his half-assed toast. He quickly took the shot of rum and it burned down his esophagus as he forced himself to swallow the liquid. The shot glass slammed on the table and he picked up his diet coke, the bubbly soda helped take away the vile taste of the alcohol.
"So that really sucks about you and Penny, man. I'm sorry your beta thing didn't work out." Raj sympathetically told Leonard as he took a long sip from his rum and coke. Leonard shrugged his shoulders.
"It's not a big deal, it just didn't work. It's fine." Leonard said defeated. Leonard took his other shot and chased it down with his alcohol infused drink. Sheldon was kind of glad that he no longer had to listen to their amorous activities through the paper thin wall that separated their bedrooms. The sounds of Penny's moans would forever be etched into his brain. Sheldon had always been attracted to her, right from the day they met.
When he and Amy broke up because they came to an impasse in regards to who's work trumped who's, he was relieved beyond recognition. The thought of carrying on under the pretense that she could even conceive that her work was better than his and was higher on the scientific food chain, was unbearable. Amy soon became scientifically involved with Raj, she was trying to determine if she could uncover the reason behind his select mutism by mapping his brain. By the stories that followed, it had been implied that there was a whole lot more than brain mapping going on. Even though he could barely comprehend the social aspects in any given situation, he concluded that a reptile could infer what was going on between the two. Now, he could think about Penny without feeling plagued by guilt. Though it was likely that he would never act on his suppressed feelings for her, it didn't hurt to imagine what the sequence of events might look like if he had. Sheldon was quickly being pulled away by his thoughts when his eyes focused on a blond who was quickly walking toward, what he assumed to be the back room. If he didn't know better, he could have sworn it was Penny.
Sheldon took his other shot as he stood up and drank down the rest of his soda. His curiosity had been piqued and he couldn't deny his inner scientist the chance to prove a hypothesis. He walked away from the table and stalked toward the back room. He was quickly being stopped by a woman who was wearing a lot more clothes than the other woman in the establishment. His eyes darted across her face, she seemed a little older, but she still looked relatively young. Must be Botox.
"Whoa, Sugar, where do you think you're going?" She sternly asked, Sheldon knew she was from somewhere in the south, probably Georgia. Sheldon shuffled uncomfortably in the spot he was standing in. His blue eyes met hers and he licked his dry lips.
"That girl, the blond one who just came in for her shift, what's her name?" Sheldon quickly asked. The woman, who he assumed to be some sort of manager, smiled at his question.
"That's Nebraska, she's working in the VIP room tonight, do you want a dance with her?" She coyly asked. Sheldon contemplated this for a moment while he quickly worked out the probability in his head. He was 86% sure that woman was Penny. He had to find out. Sheldon reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He took out two one hundred dollar bills and handed them over to the woman. She tucked his money into her bra.
"Can you make sure I'm first?" He asked. She nodded and motioned for him to follow her. Sheldon was led down a hallway and she opened the door to a room. Sheldon went in and the bouncer looked him over. The rules were being relayed to him by the mack truck of a man. No touching, if she says it's ok, then it's ok. If he fucks around, the bouncer will break his neck. Sheldon nodded his head and sat down in the comfortable chair that was provided for him. The bouncer left and closed the door behind him. He hoped to God that this girl was Penny.
The lights dimmed in the room after approximately 10 minutes of waiting and Sheldon began to think this was a mistake, there must be some other way he could have found out if Penny was a stripper or not. It was too late, the girl was turned around so her back was facing Sheldon. A spotlight shone on her illuminating her slender figure and nice ass. She had hair that was a little bit longer than Penny's. Sheldon began to sweat, perhaps he could get a refund for his purchase. Striptease by Hawksley Workman began to play over the speakers and her hips started to sway with the music. She worked her way down the to floor and spread open her legs, making her ass flex. Her frilly fuchsia thong moved a touch and revealed a Chinese character tattooed on her perfectly round cheek. Soup. Sheldon had just then confirmed his hypothesis. She quickly wiggled herself back up to standing position while unclasping her bra. Sheldon watched nervously as she took of her bra revealing a bare back. He swallowed the lump in his throat and licked at his dry lips. She let her bra fall from her finger tips to the stage. She quickly turned around to him and her eyes grew wide.
"Sheldon!" Penny cried as she tried to cover her exposed breasts. The music continued to play in the background and her eyes nervously darted across his face. She quickly picked up her bra and put it back on. Sheldon didn't know what to do next so he sat still in the comfortable chair.
"Sheldon, what are you doing here?" Penny hissed as she walked toward him. Sheldon caught her gaze and they stared each other down. Sheldon cleared his throat.
"I could ask you the same thing, Penny." He calmly replied. The thought of Penny stripping for him made him grow harder in his pants. He needed to remain focused on the task at hand. When he thought about what the task was, his mind blanked. He had already completed the task at hand, which was to find out if Nebraska was indeed Penny. He really hadn't thought this through.
"Obviously I work here." She snapped. Sheldon rolled his eyes at her. Obviously.
"The premise is why do you work here, Penny." Sheldon clarified. Penny huffed.
"Sheldon, do you know how much money I make in a night? I make close to $600 per night! That's two weeks' worth of pay from The Cheesecake Factory." She told him. Sheldon pursed his lips together. His eyes raked down her body. After seeing her expose herself to him, he wanted more.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work." She said while pointing toward the door. Sheldon smirked and sat forward in his chair resting his elbows on his knees. Penny looked like she was getting irritated with him.
"Penny, I've already paid $200 to spend time with you. Now from what I understand, there was an exchange of money for goods and services. I have yet to receive any goods or services from you, so unless I can get a refund, I would like for you to continue." Sheldon factually stated. Penny's mouth hung open as she tried to find the words to say. She closed her mouth and quirked the corners of her mouth up into a smile.
"Fine." She quickly replied as she shook out her hair. Sheldon sat back in his chair as Penny straddled him. The song changed to Time is Running Out by Muse. Penny slowly ground herself against Sheldon's growing hardness as the music picked up. The thick bass line invaded Sheldon's auditory senses and Penny leaned in and gently breathed in his ear.
"You like that, Sheldon?" Penny teasingly whispered. He looked into her emerald eyes as she unclasped her bra again. His breath hitched in his throat as he nodded. The lyrics invaded his ears.
You will be the death of me.
Yeah, you will be the death of me.
She let her bra fall to the floor, Sheldon licked his lips as he studied the swell of her chest. Penny grasped his wrists and placed his palms against her breasts. As he kneaded her firm tits in his hands, she ground against his hard erection. Penny let out a small sigh and Sheldon could see the outline of her sex through her damp thong. His heart rate accelerated at the thought of peeling away the fabric to see what was underneath.
Penny stood up and turned around. Sheldon eagerly hooked his finger into the back of her thong and pulled her back onto him. Penny's breasts were exposed and she worked her ass against his clothed manhood. Sheldon groaned into her ear and splayed his hand across her lower abdomen. He gently held her in place, as she worked her way along his hardness. The scent of Penny was amazing, she smelled like baby powder and orchids. Sheldon gently pressed his lips against Penny's neck, he could feel her pulse hammering against his soft lips.
You will squeeze the life out of me.
Penny turned her head and their lips met, the feeling could only be described as electricity sizzling between them. Penny moved her lips against Sheldon's and he quickly followed he lead. Soon his primal instincts took over and he forced his tongue into her mouth. He had an overwhelming urge to taste her. Penny moaned and grasped at his hand that was pressing just above her aching sex. Sheldon felt her move his hand into her wet panties. She was completely waxed free of hair. Sheldon slowly moved his fingers toward her radiating heat. He brushed the tips of his fingers against her slick folds and she cried out when his fingers pressed against her clit. His fingers slid against her wetness and he plunged a finger into her. She was tight, wet and hot. It was a sensation that Sheldon would remember for the rest of his life. Sheldon couldn't think straight, his brain was foggy and he was getting lost in everything that was happening.
Yeah, you will suck the life out of me.
Sheldon quickly took his hand out of her panties and tried to stop before he came into his clothing.
"Penny, oh God.. we-" He said into her mouth. She bit at his lip to shut him up and he pulled away from her.
"Penny, we can't. Not like this." He said, the way it came out it almost sounded like he was begging her. His breathing was heavy and ragged, and his eyes were wild and dilated. Penny nodded her head and got up from her laying down position on Sheldon. Sheldon sat and watched her put back on her bra as he caught his breath. He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes and gently rubbed them. How did this happen? Their relationship could never be the same after this.
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