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Sheldon Cooper, P.I.	By : MariaTeresaQuintanar Category: 1 through F > The Big Bang Theory Views: 2775 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. I make no moneys from the posting of this story.

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Here we are again! What can I say? I love a mystery! Hope you like it. Enjoy!

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!

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Chapter One

            Working for the foremost detective in the world (his claim, not mine) had its benefits—pay was never one of them. My name is Penny and I work for Sheldon Lee Cooper, Ph.D., the youngest Stevenson Award winner, the man with 187 I.Q. and, oddly enough, the world’s most exclusive private eye. Typically, I’m an out of work actress that puts in hours at the Cheesecake Factory as a waitress. Some would call it paying my dues. I call it as I see it—a major pain as none of my work tended to pay well enough for the basics, never mind buying shoes.
            I was coming home when I heard it. There was a woman crying coming from Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment. This didn’t bode well, as Sheldon usually had me kick out the criers and Leonard was too busy trying to comfort or get a date with them. Sighing hard, I tossed my things in my place and went over to their apartment. Walking in I saw Sheldon twitching and looking like he was about to pass out, as he was attempting to scuttle away from the woman who kept crying and circling around to get a hug from the man. Sheldon doesn’t do hugs—Ever—Unless you’re his Meemaw, but that’s a story for a different day.
            “Penny!” he exclaimed, looking over to me. “Get this-this hysterical female away from me!”
            The woman looked over to me in shock.
            “Stop the acting, sister,” I told her. “Between the menthol smell coming off of you and the fact that you’re wearing waterproof mascara, I can tell that you’re faking the tears.” She glared at me, making me laugh. “Hit the road. Whatever it is you’re selling, we aren’t buying.” Spinning around, she left the apartment, slamming the door behind her. Looking over to a now more relieved looking Sheldon, I asked, “Client?”
            “Grad-student,” he muttered, straightening out his Flash T-shirt. “It would seem Leslie Winkle let it be known that I have done work as a detective in a private capacity. That was the third grad-student today that’s attempted to hire me under false pretences!”
            “Have you ever thought that we could move to a bigger place?” I asked, walking over to the fridge and pulling out a Diet Coke for both of us. “One with a working elevator would be nice.”
            He only looked at me flatly, but said nothing.
            I handed him his drink, saying, “I know that has nothing to do with what you were talking about. But if we got a bigger place that would mean that you would be required to get more jobs as a private investigator. And seeing as I am your employee and need to get paid sometime this year that would be so great!”
            “Overdue water bill?”
            “Yeah,” I muttered, knowing that he would more than likely have figured that out before I even mentioned the need for money. After all, I was wearing a new pair of shoes when I wasn’t in my awful work clothes. “Speaking of which, can I use your bathroom? I need to take a shower and change out of this grubby work gear.”
            “Yes, by all means do,” he told me in a resigned voice. “I wouldn’t want our new ‘client’ to be put off by the smell of sweat laden cheesecake.” He had used air quotes, making me wonder all the more about what was going to be happening.
            Knowing I would either be told or figure it out eventually, I got a change of clothing and went back over. Cleaning up after I was done, as I didn’t want another lecture about the cleanliness being next to his mother’s God’s godliness, I went out in time to see Leonard, Raj, and Howard joining us. Wow, I thought, either the case was huge or…
            “Halo night,” Leonard announced, handing me my Chinese food.
            “When is the client going to get here?” That had the others freezing and looking over to Sheldon, who hadn’t made a move on the food as of yet.
            “You told us that you wouldn’t tell anyone!” Howard exclaimed.
            “Penny isn’t just anyone!” Sheldon snapped at him. “She is my agent, working on my behalf as both a fact gatherer and as a personal body guard for those occasions that call for it.”
            “In other words, I’m his underpaid staff of one,” I said dryly. “Get over it.” I looked over to Raj. “What’s the deal?” He only flicked a look over to Leonard who shrugged and then he in turn shrugged as well. “Okay, Howard, what’s the deal? Why hire Sheldon? And you do realize that he makes people pay through the nose, don’t you?”
            “I thought you wanted us to have more clients,” Sheldon murmured, looking confused as to my words to Howard.
            “Consider me the warning label on the lunacy that is your pricing,” I told him. “Given that he’s not your usual type of client, he deserved at least that much of a heads up.” Sheldon thought that over, giving a terse nod in acceptance of this. Looking back over to Howard, I found him blushing as he was picking at his food. “Okay, what’s your story?”
            All our clients had stories. Some could make you cry and others just made you sick—somehow I knew his story would make me do both. That’s just the type of guy Howard could be, I suppose.
            “I met a dame…”
            “Dame? Who uses that word anymore?” Leonard asked of no one in particular.
            “Apparently he does,” I said dryly. “Now zip it so we can hear his story.”
            “Like I said, I met a dame…”
***
            …It was on a Tuesday night, so you know what that means. It was Cheesecake Factory night. I was in the mood for something different, something, dare I say, not kosher. Looking up from the menu that’s when I saw her. Blond bouncing curls, ready smile, and a rack that just…
            (“You will earn yourself a strike if you keep that up!” Sheldon announced. “Stick to the facts!”)
            She came over and was about to take our order when Penny showed up, telling her that this was her table. She walked off, looking forlornly at me as she went…
            (Snorting, I muttered, “As if.”)
            …Shortly there after, I went off to the restroom. It was on my way back that I ran across her again. She smiled at me and then she spoke.
            “Hi, my name is Bernadette.” She had the voice of an angel.
            (“Howard, she has a high pitched voice that makes dogs weep in pain!” I replied. “She may have some very great qualities, but the voice of an angel isn’t one of them.”)
            I introduced myself. Told her that I worked for JPL and that I was working on some pretty heavy stuff…
            (“You’re working on a space toilet, dude,” Raj said, entering the conversation for the first time as he had already downed half a beer. “About the only heavy stuff you’ll have to deal with is…”
            “Will you guys please stop interrupting me!” Howard snapped.
            “I’m giving you a strike, Howard,” Sheldon told him. “Get to the point. We don’t have all the time in the world and it’s Halo night!”)
            I went back to the table and didn’t see her again until the end of the meal. She gave me her number and told me to call anytime. I did so five minutes later just to make sure I had the right number and to double check what anytime meant. After making certain that it was Bernadette and not some random person that she copied the number of to pass it along to me as some sort of sick joke, she assured me that it was her and that anytime meant any time at all. Especially during the hours of ten p.m. and one in the morning on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays when she got paid for answering certain types of phone calls from discreet…
            (“She’s a phone sex operator?” I demanded. “You expect us to believe that? Given that I know that her mom is more Catholic than the Pope?”
            “It’s what she told me!” he exclaimed. “She doesn’t like doing it, but she has bills to pay just like anybody else, you know!”
            A chill went through me as to what kind of man would want a woman with such a child like voice to talk dirty to them. Yuck. I just didn’t want to go there.)
            We got to talking, even went out a few times. I thought it was love or at least a good case of lust, both worked for me. I wanted to impress her so I brought her over to Caltech to show her my enormous…
            (“E-ew! Howard!” I snapped at him. “Sheldon, make him stop with the double what-cha-ma-call-its would you!”
            “That’s double entendres, Penny,” Sheldon answered in his lecture voice only to change it to sound disgusted when he added, “Howard, your lab isn’t that big. You don’t even have a Ph.D..”
            “That’s not the point,” I told him. “He was using it as…” I leaned closer and whispered to him what Howard was doing.
            “Oh,” he breathed. “That makes more sense.” He looked to Howard. “That’s your second strike. Get another strike at your own peril. Not only will you be ordered to attend a lecture series on polite conversation, but I’ll turn down your case.”)
            …Like I said, I took her to my lab to show her around. And I thought she had liked it. I mean what wasn’t there to like? I ended up pretty much spending the day with her, showing her around the campus. It was a lot of fun, more than I had in a long time. Anyway, I went back to the lab and it was missing!
***
            “What?” Leonard, Raj and I all asked at once.
            “The new flushing mechanism for the space station toilet!”
            “Really?” Leonard asked. “Is that all? How hard can that be to replace?”
            “Uh, it’s worth three million dollars,” Howard announced, making me nearly choke on my Diet Coke. Just the thought of how many pairs of shoes that could get me had me seeing stars.
            “And I take it if you cannot find this flushing device, you are going to be held responsible for the money that will buy the replacement?” Sheldon asked in a thoughtful voice. “Penny, fetch me a Yahoo and then go talk to that young woman, Bernadette. I want to know how she’s involved.”
            Glaring at him, I said, “You’re only sending me now so that I don’t whip your butt in Halo again.”
            When he glared at me with his eye twitching, I knew I was right. I should have known that twitchy Texan would find a way to get me out of playing against him. He so owes me.

TBC...
***
There's the first chapter down. Let me know how you like it. Due to several reasons, I have Sheldon being a bit OOC in this story. Perhaps I do in both of the tales I have going here, now that I think of it. And for that, I apologize. I figure since both are just very alternative universe, it's forgivable. Anyway, I'll be posting more often with this story than with "The Penny Paradox" more to do with the fact that I don't want people dealing with cliff hangers for as long. Please review and have a wonderful day!
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Sheldon Cooper, P.I.