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The Sneaky Affair	By : KruspeKreame Category: M through R > The Mighty Boosh Views: 957 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Mighty Boosh, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Sneaky Affair
- 1
It was her first week at the Zoo. She was a bit nervous, Bollo could sense it.

“Why you so tense?” Bollo asked as she tidied up his enclosure.
“I am not sure Bollo. I don't think the staff like me.” She responded.
“I notice Vince looking at you.” he said.

She turned around and Vince had turned his head.

“Vince never shy, but he shy around you. I think he like you. Look Vince coming.”
“Bollo seems fond of you.” Vince said to her.

She rose from her squatting position and smiled at Vince, who in turn smiled back.

“I've grown fond of Bollo.” she said and pat Bollo on the head
“Bollo like Rachael.” Bollo said to Vince.
“I'll see you at lunch eh?” he said to Rachael.

She nodded and Vince walked away.

“You like her don't you.” Howard said to Vince.
“What? No!”
“Yes you do. You're acting shy. It's very out of character for you.”

He hung his head.

“Yea.” he muttered.
“What?” Howard asked.
“Ok fine, I fancy her.”
“I knew it. Why don't you ask her on a date?”
“It's been a long time since I fancied a girl like that. I mean shes smart, shes funny, shes a bit sexy.”

Vince went back to feeding the amphibians and ignored everything else Howard said to him.

“Lunch in ten minutes.” Fossil announced.
“You should go eat. Bollo is ok way he is.”
“Thank you Bollo.” she said giving Bollo a kiss on the head.

She left Bollo's enclosure and walked down the hall toward the cafe. She grabbed a tray and loaded it with the 'slop of the day' she called it. She sat down at a far table away from the rest of the staff, it helped her think.

“I wonder if he really does fancy me?” she thought.

Vince walked into the cafe and grabbed his 'slop' and sit down at a table opposite her. She lowered her head toward her food and tried to finish her food quickly so she could get out of there quickly.

“I do fancy him. He is handsome.”

She finished her food and got up to go leave when a hand touched her arm. She jumped slightly.

“I'm sorry if I gave you a jump.” Vince said to her.
“It's alright. I've been a bit on edge lately.” she said.
“I've been meaning to ask you.” he said in a shy voice.
“What are you doing when you clock out?” he smiled at her an awkward cheesy grin.
“My schedule is free. What are you asking?” she said.
“I was wondering if you would like to get a drink with me?” he asked her.
“Bollo was right, he did fancy me.” she thought.
“Sure.” she responded.
“See you at five then? At the gate?”

She nodded and Vince went back to his table. She put her tray on top of the bin and walked out of the cafe.

“What did she say?” Howard asked Vince.
“She said yes.” Vince said in victory.
“Where are you taking her?”
“I haven't the slightest. What do you suggest?”
“There's a nice coffee place I know of.” Howard wrote the address on a slip of paper.
“I hope she likes coffee.”

“Of course she does, I notice her drinking it every morning.” Vince said.

Rachael took a seat on a bench outside the reptile house. She let out a sigh. What was she going to do? I mean not dating your co-workers was in the contract.

“It was one date though” she thought to herself.

She grabbed the book she had placed next to her on the bench and started to read. She had gotten lost in her book because Fossil's announcement to get back to work startled her. She walked back to Bollo's enclosure.

“How was lunch?” Bollo asked her.
“It was good. Vince asked me on a date.”
“See I tell you he fancied you.”
“You were right Bollo. Like always.” she smiled and continued to clean his enclosure.

Time seemed to pass quickly because the next moment she noticed the buzzer rang signaling the end of the shift. She stood up and dusted herself off.

“Good luck.” Bollo said to her.
“Thank you Bollo.” she said before closing the door.

She walked to her locker and grabbed her purse and walked toward the gate. Arriving at the gate Vince was waiting with a flower. A sunflower, it was a nice gesture and made her stomach fill with butterflies.

“Hello.” he said to her extending the flower towards her.
Hi was all she could manage to get out of her mouth.

“I know this great coffee place, lets go?” Vince said extending his arm.
“Sounds good. I like coffee.”
“I know.” Vince said.

Rachael grabbed Vince's arm and they walked to her car. He gave her directions to the coffee place because she had just moved there from out of town and she didn't know the way around quite yet.

“It's just on the left up here.” Vince said.
“Alright. Lets find a spot to park then.”

She found a spot five doors down from the coffee shop and they got out of her car. She hadn't had a date in a long time, she really was unsure that to do around men anymore, she had been around animals for so long she was out of sync with the human race. She walked onto the sidewalk and Vince took her hand. She started to shiver a little. It was a while since she had human contact like this. Vince smiled at her as they walked to the coffee shop. It was a quint little place, a hole in the wall. A nice place for a chat. There were only two other people in the shop.

“Awe aren't they cute.” the lady said.
“They're lesbians.” the guy said.
“No we're not. My name is Vince.” Vince said to them.

They gave him a nod and went back to ordering their drink

“What are you having?” the lady behind the counter said.
“I'll have a cappuccino.”
“and the lady?”
“I'll have a latte, extra foam.” Rachael said.

Vince paid for their drinks and they took a seat while they were being prepared.

“I love your hair.” Vince said to her.
“Thank you.” she said back.
“You ever thought of giving it a big more volume?”
“I actually straighten it because it gets frizzy if I don't”
“I have this great product that I use on my hair. I can show my secret stash if you like?”
“That sounds great. I love your hair.” She said.
“Thanks.”

Their drinks were called and Vince grabbed them. They sat there for maybe an hour talking about everything from fashion to music and animals. She grabbed the cup with both of her hands to warm them up, it was a bit draft in the shop. She put her cup back onto the table. Vince grabbed her hands and blew on them and rubbed them together to warm them up.

“Hands cold eh?”
“A bit.”
“Want to get out of here then?”
“Sounds good.”
They walked out of the door. Rachael's arms folded across her chest. Vince put his arm around her and they walked around the corner and to the park.

“Why don't we take a seat on the grass?” Vince said.
“Sure.”

They sat on the cool ground and looked at the sky which started to turn a bright shade of crimson. The sun had started to set earlier as the season changed from autumn to winter. Vince lay back on the grass staring at the first stars starting to peak through the darkening sky. Rachael lay back also close to Vince and looked up at the moon. The moon looked like it could talk to them. Vince put his arm around Rachael and she moved closer to Vince curling up next to him to keep warm, putting her arm around his stomach. She starts to doze off.

“Hey, don't go dozing off on me.” Vince said.
“Oh, yea. I am a bit tired.”
“I noticed.”
“How about we get going before it gets too cold?”
“Sounds good.”

They got into her car, and he gave her directions to his place.

“Howard has jazz club tonight, do you want to come in for a bite?”
“That sounds good actually.”

She pulled up in front of his house and parked the car. They got up and Vince unlocked the door and let Rachael in first.

“Nice place you have here.”
“Howard decorated.”
“I can tell.” she giggled.
“Living room is through there.” he pointed
“Do you want a sandwich?” he added.
“That sounds great.” she responded as she started to walk down the hall. She sat on the couch, it was comfortable and gave a little to her weight.
“We have tuna, salami, bologna and cheese.”
“Surprise me.” She yelled to him.

Then minutes later he came out with two grilled cheese sandwiches.

“Smells great.” she said.

He set the plate down on the table and sat down next to her. She grabbed a sandwich which had been cut in half and took a bite. There was bologna in there too. One of her favorites.

“Amazing.” she said with her mouth full.

He just nodded his head and munched away at his sandwich.

“Oh I forgot drinks. What do you want?”
“What do you have?”

He walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“Orange juice, beers, milk, water and ginger ale.”
“What are you having?”
“I think a beer is great personally.”
“Sounds awesome.”

He took two beers from the fridge and closed it, he came back into the living room and placed them down on the table. He cracked them open and Rachael took hers and took a sip.

“Tastes great.” she said.
“Its my favorite.”

She finished her sandwich and killed off her beer fairly quick. She put her hands in her lap, unsure what is going to happen next. Vince looked at her, he had finished too. He also was unsure what to do. The silence was awkward.

“Where's your bathroom?” she said breaking the silence.
“Down the hall, first door on your right.”

She got up and walked to the bathroom.

“What is wrong with you Vince?” he said to himself. “You've never been shy around a girl before, so why now?”

Rachael sat on the toilet, just thinking.

“Rachael get a hold of yourself.”

She was always shy around men. She was so scared opening herself up to people, she was always the introvert.

She washed her hands and walked back into the living room, Vince had prepared tea.

“Thank you.” she said sitting back in the couch.

She grabbed a cup and curled her feet up next to her and leaned on Vince, putting her head on his shoulder. Vince smiled as he put his arm around her. He put his cup down and turned on the tele. 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks' was on.

“Hey, that guy looks just like you.” she said looking at Vince.
He started to laugh. “I get that a lot.”

Rachael loved that show, but she was too tired to enjoy it. She was drowsy from the beer and the tea, she usually had tea to calm down get ready for bed. She yawned and put her empty tea cup down on the table and put her head on his lap. Curling up in a little ball and started to drift off to sleep.

She had a very vivid dream, Vince had proposed marriage to her, they got married in a large church with all the animals there, even Bob Fossil was there.

“I do” she said to the priest.

Then she was jolted from her dream, Vince was shaking her.

“What?” she said to him, opening her eyes.
“You were mumbling in your sleep.” he said.
“Oh what did I say?”
“You just mumbled 'I do'”

She was sure Vince thought nothing of it. She was a bit embarrassed that she had fallen into that deep sleep there on Vince's couch.

“Are you ok to go home?” he asked her.
“I am not sure. I am really tired.”
“You can take my bed. Ill sleep on the couch.”
“Are you certain? I will sleep on the couch.”
“No no, take my bed.”
“Alright.”

She walked into his bedroom and looked at his large bed. There was more than enough room for two. She smiled at the fact he was being such a gentleman and letting the lady take his entire bed and not 'sleeping' with her on the first date. She took her clothes off and put them on the chair, and climbed into his bed in just her bra and panties. She started to drift off to sleep in his very comfortable bed and was awoken by just a whisper.

“Are you alright? Do you need anything?” Vince asked.
“I am a bit cold.”
“Do you want another blanket?”
“No.” She sat up and pat the bed next to her.

He looked at her in shock. He just smiled as he climbed in the bed next to her. He cuddled closely next to her, wrapped his leg and arm around her and they fell asleep.
- 1
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The Sneaky Affair