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St Paddy's Day Joke
By : Tisha_Wyman
Category: Supernatural > General
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Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I make money from Supernatural.
Chapter List
- 1-St Paddy's Day Joke
- 1
I do not own nor do I make money from Supernatural.
One week had passed since Sam and Dean had defeated the faeries and their leprechaun. Saint Patrick's Day was on Thursday, and Dean was nervous. His soulless brother had taken a call and told him he'd be right back. That was six hours ago and Sam was not answering his cell phone. The older Winchester was walking the floors. He had no idea where to start looking for his missing brother.
Castiel was..well, in a word, frustrated. He had no idea whose idea this was, but the prank had gone on long enough. He almost stomped his foot but managed to stop, trying to keep his resolve. Dean had to be here; he just had to be! The angel needed to get back to normal and this nonsense was driving him crazy.
Dean received a phone call and grabbed his cell phone. "Sam?"
A male voice responded with an Irish lilt. "If ye wish to see Pinocchio again, then ye better find me a pot of gold before the green faerie does."
"What the hell…."
The angry man was interrupted by the Irish voice, "Now, now. Jiminy Cricket doesn't use such language, Laddie Just find the pot of gold and stop the green faerie and I'll return Pinocchio." The phone went dead.
The angel padded down the sidewalk, making sure to stay out of harm's way. He was certain he had seen the trusty Impala parked here. Where, where, oh where was his friend?
Dean was walking the floor of the motel room he shared with his brother. A pot of gold. The sun was shining and there were no clouds in the sky. Where do you find a pot of gold without a rainbow? Hell! Where do you find the end of a rainbow? How did his brother get taken by the fairies? Had to be one. Dean checked his gun, grabbed his jacket and car keys and headed for the door.
Castiel spotted what looked like salt that had gotten brushed from under the door outside. Breathing a sigh of relief and mentally hoping that he could be heard, he pounded on the door.
The door opened suddenly and the small, green angel had to jump to avoid being stepped on. Dean was muttering under his breath as the locked the motel room door. He looked down and saw the tiny angel with his wings extended and his eyes widened in alarm.
"Oh no! Not again!" The hunter jammed the card in the key slot and opened the door. He ran inside, slamming the door behind him and grabbed the morning newspaper. He rolled it up and started searching the air around him. "Come on you son of a bitch! I know you got in. You guys are too fast not to have."
Oh merciful heaven! Castiel took to the air, screaming out at his friend. "Dean, it's me - Castiel! Someone pulled a prank of some kind and shrank me! Help!"
Dean jumped back as the green faerie flew towards him. He could hear a high pitch squeak. All he could think was telling Sam that this time the little hot naked lady with nipples was green.. He swatted at the faerie with the newspaper but it swerved and he missed. He swore he heard it scream. He looked closer and saw the trench coat.
"Awww, hell!" No wonder they want the gold before the green faerie caught him. "There's no point in sending a tax collector after me! I don't have the gold!" Dean tried to dodge the flying green faerie in the trench coat, but was being blocked. "Look! They got my brother. I don't have the gold. Go tell the FRS I don't have it!"
"Dean, it's Castiel.." He was ready to cry or smack his friend over the head. On second thought, he landed on the newspaper and frowned at him. "What gold? Who has Sam? Dean!"
The human stopped and stared. He blinked and stared again. He whispered in awe, "Cas?" Bringing the newspaper closer, the green eyes crossed as he stared at the green faerie. "Cas?" the green eyes widened. "Damn it, Cas! You look like…like…a firefly!" Dean sat down on a chair and set the paper on the table and laid his head on his folded arms on the table where Castiel could stare into the green eyes and see a slight smirk on the face. "I could get a jar to put you in. I wouldn't need batteries. Did you know that you glow? Green? You're kind of like angelic snot."
"No, Dean, I did not know that I am luminescent," he snarked back. "I have no memory of what happened. One moment, I was investigating an area and the next, I'm like this."
"What were you investigating? A demonic diet center? Thank God you're not hot and naked with nipples." The hunter frowned for a minute and rethought what he had just said. "Ah…Cas? Forget I just said that."
"I don't even want to know," he said, facepalming as he did so. The weirdest things came out of his friend's mouth at the oddest times.
"Sam got a call on his cell almost seven hours ago. He said I'll be back and he never came back. Could have been a girl. This Sam has an insatiable appetite for them. I got a call from someone. A guy. He had an Irish accent. He used names that Sam and I had called each other, and said that if I wanted to see him I was to get the pot of gold to him before I saw the green faerie. Damn it, Cas. There you were, green and flying. I thought. I thought." Dean lowered his head, his shoulders slumped.
The angel frowned, sighing for a moment. "We will discover where this so-called pot of gold is. The legends are that, simply legends. I have no idea why they would think a pot of gold would be at the end of a rainbow."
"Balthazar is good at stealing, Cas. Couldn't we ask him to get us one? That would probably be the easiest way, wouldn't it?"
Castiel stared at him. "How do we know he isn't doing this?"
"Why would he, Cas? He can get whatever he wants. He has no conscious about it. He just takes it."
"Because he gets bored," came the almost snarled reply.
"All right," the word dragged out. "I have a lot of supplies in the trunk, Cas. You want me to call him?"
He ran fingers through his hair, showing an uncharacteristic display of emotion. "Yes, fine. Just...we need to get me back to normal."
Dean smiled, "I don't know, Cas. I could find all kinds of uses for you at that size." Laughing, the hunter headed out the door towards his baby. He rummaged in the trunk and came back with everything he needed to cast the calling spell for an angel.
It took a little time to lay out the spell, but soon the puff of smoke and burst of flames occurred. Dean stepped back and waited.
Castiel stamped a tiny foot in impatience and anger. He wished he could thump Dean a good one for the teasing right now. Hopefully, Balthazar would have the answers needed to find Sam and get himself back to normal.
A cheeky grin crossed Dean Winchester's face. "I've never seen a tiny green angel throw a temper tantrum. I must admit you're cute when you're that size and you're angry. You can't beat the hell out me." Dean suddenly quieted down and backed up, giving the latest angel to enter his room space to move.
Oh Dean was going to get it when the angel had a chance to get even. He glowered at Dean and the new arrival, wanting this over and done with.
Balthazar looked at Castiel, "Well, my friend, you play your part well." Turning towards the hunter, he commented, "I am surprised you are still here. I thought you would be hunting for Sam by now. You should be green too. Who did my Irish friend turn into the Leprechaun if it wasn't you?"
The silence was deafening. Dean softly said, "Sam?" Balthazar started laughing. "Well, this may have turned out better then I could have imagined. Dean, you have a green faerie and a green moosish Leprechaun."
Dean's eyes grew wide again and his jaw dropped. "What?"
The taller angel looked at the green one. "It's a joke, Cas. It will end on Saint Patrick's Day at midnight. I hope you three have fun. Sam is at the Metroplex Mall. You can't miss him. He is part of the Saint Paddy's Day display. If there's one left. I forgot that he has no soul. No sense of humor." Balthazar disappeared.
Dean sat down and stared at the little faerie. "You still have some angel powers at that size right? You want to go get Sam? I'll guard the room."
"You want to send me, at this size, into public to retrieve a leprechaun?" He stared at his friend, arms crossing his chest.
"You're the damn faerie, Cas! You got powers to take anything. You think I don't know that? How the hell am I supposed to cart an angry six foot four leprechaun out of a mall? Just zap him here."
"I am not sure if I can do that," he said to him. "Things have been..odd..since the transformation."
"Odd? How…odd?" Dean backed up a little. "If you tell me you're growing breasts with nipples, I'm getting the hell out of here. and I'll send Bobby."
"Why would I be growing breasts?"
The last thing I saw your size with wings was a hot naked woman, Cas. She had breasts and…and….and nipples. Okay?" Dean backed up a little more. "I had to nuke her after she hit me. Just…please get the sasquatch leprechaun hyprid and bring him home."
Castiel nodded, then tried to picture the location. He pushed his grace into the transportation spell, hoping this would work.
The next thing Dean knew, a security guard was standing over him and telling him to get out of the wishing pond. He looked up and his brother was standing behind the guard, an evil smile on his face. "Hi, Dean." Sam was wearing green shorts, a white shirt, and a green jacket. He had on greened pointed shoes and a round green derby. His skin was pale green. "Oh, crap…." Dean looked for Cas.
The angel had landed near Dean, falling into the eyeline of a small child. A shriek of "TINKERBELL" was heard before a mad grab was made towards him. Castiel nearly screamed himself, eyes huge as he tried to evade the child.
Dean tried to splash his way towards the angel, yelling, "It's not Tinkerbell! He has no breasts or nipples!" The area grew quiet for a minute before the child's mother hit the young man over the head with her heavy purse. Dean started covering his head, screaming, "Cas! HELP!" He tried to get out of the pond but slipped and fell backwards, unable to protect himself from the irate mother. Sam stood there watching, a wicked grin on his emotionless green face.
Castiel would except for one problem. The sticky fingered brat was still chasing him, and he couldn't seem to move fast enough to get out of her reach. His coat was snagged and he choked, struggling to get lose. "D..Dean!"
His friend was curled in a ball, trying to cover his head as the irate woman pounded him. Sam quietly asked Dean if Jiminy Cricket and Tinkerbell had had enough? He spoke to the angel, "Cas sprinkle the brat with faerie dust. Let them bring her down from the ceiling with a ladder. She'll just float up there."
Dean squeaked out a, "Sam, are you crazy?"
"Faerie dust? I am NOT a faerie!" He struggled, managing to get out of the coat before trying to fly away.
An elderly gentleman screamed, "What kind of insect is that?" Cas was hit by a closed umbrella. Dean yelled, "Cas!" He grabbed the woman's purse. The stunned security guard yelled, "Stop thief!" Dean struck the umbrella out of the man's hands. He grabbed at Cas and caught him, jamming the angel into his jacket pocket. He squished his way to the edge of the pond. "Dammit, Sammy , help us!"
"I don't know what a wooden leprechaun is allowed to do, Jiminy."
"Throwing the purse away from himself, he turned towards his brother as he stepped out of the pond. "I'm gonna break your damn, wooden nose off, Pinocchio. You hear me?"
The angel shivered, eyes huge in terror. He'd faced demons and all sorts of unimaginable things in his long life but never, ever, had he come across something as traumatic as what he'd faced. God help him, he hated St. Patrick's Day now!
Dean tried to calm Cas down. Finally he asked, "Can you bring my baby, here? I'm not sure you can get all of us home. I have no idea how to keep me out of jail right now. I don't even know if I have time to hijack a car. Where the hell did Sam go?" Cas barely looked out of the jacket pocket. He tugged on the material and Dean looked down at him. The angel pointed over to a pub. The tall, green brother was hitting on a waitress.
"Damn it," Dean muttered as he headed over to the pub. "Excuse me," he said softly, a very sickly smile on his face. "This is my brother. He always paints his skin green. He thinks he's a leprechaun for real. Oh and that nose of his is wooden and it can grow bigger then any part of him." Dean just stood there and watched as the woman backed away. He grabbed his brother. "Let's get the hell out of here!"
Castiel was still traumatized but tried, gathering his grace and trying to get the trio out of trouble. He wanted to go somewhere away from noisy kids and swinging accessories.
They ended up in a hallway. Dean stumbled over a wheelchair and fell. "Crap!"
"That is uncalled for, young man!" An elderly lady with a walker glared at the older brother. Dean from his position on the floor stared up at her.
"I'm sorry, lady. I didn't see the wheelchair. Cas, what the hell!"
The woman glared at Dean again. "Cas? Hell? I'll send you there. How dare you look up my dress." The shock on Dean's face started Sam laughing. The woman turned and looked at the gigantic green man dressed like a leprechaun and screamed for security. Dean pushed himself up, muttering, "Didn't we just leave this?"
The angel yelped. almost getting squished in Dean's pocket. He concentrated, still shattered by everything going on. A push of his grace and they were moving once again.
This time, they landed in the motel room. Dean fell on his back on a bed. He looked at his brother. "Sammy, you go any where at all, I'll find a way to make that nose grow and I'll break it off. I swear it." He close his eyes and just lay there. He wanted to sleep but couldn't. He was stuck until Thursday with the Jolly Green Giant and Sprout.
There was a tiny scream from Dean's pocket. "Get off of me, you overgrown pie eating oaf! I can't move or breathe!"
Dean jumped off the bed. He reached into his pocked and pulled out the green flitterby he knew as Castiel. He tossed him on the bed, and told Sam to stay put or he'd beat the tar out of him. He walked out the door and went to a liquor store and stocked up. He drove to Walmart and bought snacks and other items. Dean sighed as he came home and made several trips to and from the car. He opened a whiskey, gave Sam a glass and Cas a thimble. "Do me a favor? Both of you get drunk and stay drunk. I'll order delivery. Party. Okay?"
"Why do I want to get drunk?"
"Because if you're both stoned out of your heads, you won't go any where, get in any trouble, and I can breathe easy for a while. Tomorrow is Wednesday. Just drink until Thursday night. It will be over and I can sleep. You'll both be throwing up, but by that point, I'll be able to sleep through an earthquake."
The angel stared at him, giving him a flat look. "I have no wish to be vomiting on Thursday."
"You won't be vomiting on Thursday. You and Sam can eat, drink and watch porn until midnight Thursday. That's if you don't pass out before then. Either way, you won't be throwing up on Thursday."
Another look was given to him. "Is there any particular reason I would want to be watching pornography, especially with Sam?"
Dean starting laughing hysterically, "I don't know…I thought…two green faeries…..?"
"What do faeries have to do with pornography," he asked, sounding confused.
"Keep your innocence, Cas. With all of this going on, I don't want Balthazar to reign fire and brimstone on us."
The pixie sized angel stared at him, absolutely confused as to what was going on in his friend's mind.
Dean handed Cas a thimble of whiskey and gave him a Gideon's Bible. "There you go, Cas. Sam? Dean handed him a bottle and the tv remote. You guys are cursed and I am trapped with you. This keeps all three of us out trouble."
Castiel looked at the book, then the thimble, then back at Dean. "This is not the best way to pass time."
"What do you want to do to pass the time, Cas?"
"I do not know," he said, huffing a sigh. He frowned, then grabbed the thimble, taking a hefty swallow of it.
"I'm not going anywhere else. My clothes are damp, my head hurts, and I twisted my knee when I tripped over the wheel chair. We stay here."
"Fine," he said, staring at his hands in disgust. "Green...why green?"
"Saint Patrick's Day?"
"So?"
"Everyone wears green."
Sam looked at his brother, "You're not."
"You're damn right, I'm not. I have to look at you two and that's enough green for anyone."
"Rather ridiculous superstition. Patrick doesn't even like green," he mused, finishing off the thimble of whiskey.
Sam poured him another thimble of whiskey and took another shot for himself. "You know Patrick? Why don't we go find a couple of Irish girls and forget this place for a while?"
Dean sat up. "No."
"Yes, I know Patrick. I've run into him a few times in Heaven," he said, drinking more of the thimble.
"I'm taking a shower and getting comfortable. If you guys want we can order a pizza."
"Dean, how am I supposed to consume a pizza," he asked, staring at his friend over the thimble he held in his arms.
"I'll cut off tiny pieces of the parts you like. How's that for service?"
He shrugged, drinking more of the alcohol. For some reason, whatever Balthazar did, he was starting to feel the effects.
The older hunter went into the bathroom and took his shower. He came out with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Sam, you intend to stay in costume until Thursday night or are you going to get comfortable? Cas, I can put some warm water in a soup bowl for you?"
Looking over his thimble, Castiel blinked at him. "I am not soup so why would I require warm water in a soup bowl?" He wasn't drunk, not yet, but his logic was getting a wee bit fuzzy.
"I thought you might like a tub bath, Cas. If not, you can strip and I will put in you the shower and turn it on. It will be like a bathing in Niagara Falls at your size, but I'm willing to do it."
"Niagra falls is entirely too cold," he informed the other. "But it does make for a fun slide."
Dean looked confused. "How do you….?" He shook his head and went and laid down on the bed closest to the door. He called a pizza place and ordered one large pizza, fully loaded.
"I think I startled him," he observed, giving a quiet chuckle before downing the rest of his thimble full of whisky.
"He's fallen asleep. We'll just let him," Sam replied as he refilled the thimble and drank from the bottle. He got up at the knock on the door. He and Cas sat down to enjoy the pizza.
Dean woke at the strange noise of laughter. He recognized Sam's but the high pitched 'weeeeee!" was not recognizable. He got up and thought he saw the remaining pizza moving.
Apparently, what Balthazar had done to the angel had lowered said angel's resistance to alcohol. Castiel grinned as he continued to play. Who knew it could be so much fun being drunk and silly or that olives really made good bowling balls?
Dean picked Cas up by his shirt and took him into the bathroom. He turned on the faucet in the sink until he had warm water. He started running the Angel back and forth through the water, washing the pizza sauce off him. He pumped some hand soap and proceeded to wash his friend, clothes and all..
"Now, we can hang your clothes to dry or I can take you to the laundromat and throw you in a dryer. Your choice."
The clothes went flying before the small angel ducked under the water again, splashing and singing off key. "Splish splash I was takin' a bath..."
Dean sat on the edge of the tub and listened to the off key singing coming from the sink. "No one will ever believe me. Even if I recorded it."
"Purple People Eater" was soon heard and to his credit, despite being drunk, the angel had every word memorized.
"Okay, Cas? Let me get a washcloth for you to dry with."
He hopped out of the sink, dancing a bit as "Woolly Bully" was heard in an off key variant. It was obvious that Castiel hadn't missed much during the sixties era because he definitely knew the weirder songs.
Dean closed his eyes, muttering, "I'm scarred for life." He snapped a picture of the drunken angel dancing and then hit the video cam on his cell. Shaking his head, he taped Woolly Bully.
More odd tunes were heard and it got weirder when the angel had fun dancing along with it, especially the "Jerk" and 'the Freddy" which really..REALLY shouldn't be done naked.
Dean sat back down, murmuring, "Oh hell" He continued to take pictures and video. He figured no one would believe if he didn't.
He finally got Cas wrapped in a wash cloth. And left his two green family members enjoying a drink and some off the wall television show. He laid back down and went to sleep.
He spent Wednesday coming up with crazy things for the two drunks to do. Dean was panicking a little. Cas was almost insanely drunk. Dean knew he shouldn't' be.
To be honest, the angel had no idea that Dean was freaking out because he was having the time of his life. One of his favorite things was to get Sam to laugh and involved in some of the games that sounded like fun to try.
Dean went out to buy supper for everyone on Wednesday evening. When he got back, he heard loud thuds coming from the room. "What the hell?" He opened the door, and walked in with the food, and saw Sam on the bed in his boxers. The older brother stood frozen. Sam was kicking his hind legs into the air and Cas was on his back holding on to Sam's boxers and was riding a bucking Sam like in a rodeo. Dean set the food on the table, turned, and walked out. He sat in his car, not sure what he had just seen.
They never noticed him coming into the hotel room, having a blast playing rodeo since they'd seen one on the tv and figured that Castiel could stay on longer than those overly starched bozos could.
Dean finally came in and found both of them watching "Titanic" on the television and laughing. He stared, wondering what was so funny. He thought better about asking and just went to bed.
The two were making comments about the over acting and how the movie was so long considering how fast the ship had sunk. It was obvious that neither one were fans and just had a jolly time making fun of the acting.
Dean heard horrible singing and it woke him up. The sun was shining. Cas and Sam were singing "I hate you. You hate me. Let's hang that dino from a tree…" Dean jumped out of bed, put on his shoes, grabbed his jacket and keys, and left the room. He got in the car and drove to the diner, and ordered breakfast. He could not get the picture of Sam and Cas dancing like that purple dinosaur and singing out of his mind. All he could think of was midnight is not that far way. Please, let it be over.
They had noticed the reaction that time and in their drunken merriment, decided that having fun and torturing Dean would be the best way to spend their time. So they had decided to prank the other, snickering as they rigged the room to dump water on him when he came in.
Dean came back with kolaches. He'd almost bought coffee, but thought no. They're staying put. I'll survive this. He opened the door and walked in.
Both of the drunken changed men cracked up when the bucket of water dumped itself onto Dean when he entered the room. "Got ya," the angel cackled.
Dean dropped the kolaches, shouting, "Son of a…" He moved away from the door, slid in the water and fell flat. His mind went back to the wishing pond at the mall. "Damn it!"
The cackling got louder as it was apparent their trick was even more successful. Castiel did an odd sort of victory dance that involved shaking his backside quite a bit.
Looking up at his brother and the angel, Dean shook his head and got up off the floor. He walked to the bathroom and grabbed Cas' dry clothes. "Here get dressed before you shake that thing again." Dean went into the bathroom and hung his clothes up to dry and came out wearing a towel.
"I don't want to," came the somewhat slurred response.
"Fine. I never played Barbie, so you're on your own, Tinkerbell. Sam, you're still in your boxers. Get dressed will you?" Dean walked to where he'd left his duffel and clean clothes. "Okay, where's my duffel?"
"What duffel," he asked, sitting on a folded washcloth and playing with a toothpick
The older hunter looked under the bed, and seeing nothing, stood up quickly, almost losing his towel. "Okay, where the hell is my duffel? All I've got is the wet clothes hanging in the bathroom and this damn towel!"
Castiel shook his head, humming a Beatles song. This time he didn't know 'cause Sam had been cackling when he'd gotten up from a short nap
"I'll tell you what, guys. That soggy bag of kolaches is all the food I'm bringing in. I'm not ordering. No clothes…no eats."
He threw an olive at Sam. "What'd you do to it?"
Sam caught the olive and chewed it. "After I removed the weapons, I gave it to a homeless man. He really appreciated it."
Dean sat on the bed, holding his towel around him. All I have is the dirty laundry in the trunk and those wet clothes in the bathroom. I can't even go out and get the stuff. Don't even think about it. We don't need anyone asking who the hell the Jolly Green Giant is. I'll never be able to explain Sprout."
"I'm hungry," he pouted at his trouble making companion. "Now he can't get food. You shouldn't have done that."
Sam smiled and walked over to his cell phone. He dialed a number. "HI, this is Sam. Yeah, the green guy. Listen, why don't you bring a couple of friends and…HEY!"
Dean had jumped up, towel dangling from one hand and grabbed the phone and turned it off. "No girls. Are you crazy? Hell, you are crazy." The older brother heard Cas laughing and looked down. His towel was dangling from the other hand. He pulled it back around himself and said, "You can eat at midnight."
Castiel pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "I wanna eat now."
Dean sat down on his bed, staring at the idiotic drunks in front of him. "Sam, Cas, Balthazar did something to you guys. Cas, I've never seen you act this way when you are drunk. Sam, since you lost your soul, I've never seen you get drunk. What the hell is going on? You don't have any more practical jokes planned, do you?" His voice was soft as he said it.
"I dunno, do we," he asked the giant leprechaun.
The leprechaun looked at the faerie, "Do we? Hmmm….I'm not telling him if we do or not. Are you?"
"I can't remember...I'm too hungry," he pouted.
Sam walked over to the motel phone and called room service. "Yeah, can you connect me with a good restaurant that delivers?"
Dean reached for the phone, "No, Sam."
Sam pushed his smaller brother away and ordered a meal for delivery. Dean hit the bed and slid to the floor., his eyes wide. "What the hell was that, Sammy?"
"Starving me when I didn't get rid of your duffel, dunno where it is and not fair," he pouted.
"Cas, when did you start speaking for Sam? I know you're hungry. Well, it's taken care of now. Why did you push me like that, Sam? "
He threw another olive at Sam.
The giant leprechaun grabbed the olive and chewed it. "I'm bigger then you, Dean. Sometimes I forget that. We'll eat a good meal and then the pranks get to continue until midnight. Have you ever been chased by a leprechaun, Dean? You better hope your clothes are dry when I decide to try that one." Sam laughed and poured another thimble of whiskey for the angel.
Castiel drank the whiskey, humming as he did so. For some reason, the sound of the theme from Jaws filled the room.
Dean realized that whatever was happening to his brother and Cas was not the alcohol. The practical joke from Balthazar was turning just a little nasty. He got up and walked into the bathroom. Shutting the door, Dean stood still for a minute and thought. He grabbed his damp belt and belted the towel around his waist. Sighing, he opened the bathroom door and walked into the main room.
The angel was still drinking and flipping through the channels by pressing a small hand on the button of the remote. He cackled when he spotted a likely movie..a horror flick with leprechauns in it.
The food arrived, Sam paid for it and brought it to the table. "I didn't get you anything, Dean. You made it very plain you weren't hungry."
Dean sat on the bed with his back against the headboard, arms crossed. "I'm not."
"You need to share," he singsonged to Sam. "Greedy leprechaun."
"You heard him. He doesn't want it. Keep your strength up, Dean."
"What'd you get," he asked, trying to see what Sam had ordered.
Sam grinned, "A nice salad, steak, baked potato with all the fixings, and sauteed asparagus." He looked over at his brother to see if he was having any affect on him. Dean did not look his way.
"With mushrooms?" He sounded a bit like Pippin from Lord of the Rings when he asked that question.
"Yes, with mushrooms."
Dean lay over and took a nap. Around seven in the evening, Cas' laughter filled the room. Dean looked up at to see his naked body flying around the room. He was shooting tiny lightening bolts at things. Sam was back in this leprechaun clothes. He had a sawed off shotgun filled with rock salt.
Dean stood up and headed towards the bathroom to see how dry his clothes were, when Sam said, "Stop!" He halted. "You know, this whole thing is because Balthazar doesn't like you, Dean. I'm not gonna kill you. You're my brother, right? Rock salt's gotta hurt though. So will the lightening bolts. I have the keys to your baby. Cas and I are going hunting for a pain in the ass hunter. You get a thirty minute lead on us. Let's see who's really better at this, shall we?"
"Sam, this is crazy. It's the spell for this joke. Okay? Let's sit down and talk about this."
A lightening bolt hit Dean's chest. He jumped, saying, "OW! Hey!"
"Run, Dean.:
The hunter hit the door and stopped, trying to figure the best way to go. This was not Sam and Cas. Sam could easily kill. He could not get help in town. Dean ran across the parking lot into the wooded area, cursing under his breath every time his foot hurt, or a thorn hit his skin. He had no idea where he was going, but damn. This was crazy.
Castiel looked at Sam, eyes wide and glazed with drunken mirth. "Are we giving him the thirty minute lead?"
Sam grinned and laughed, "Do you want to?"
Dean knew he was probably leaving a bad trail, but it was almost impossible to do otherwise in this situation. The hunter finally spotted a trail and headed for it. He took off running as fast as could down it. It intersected several trails. Stopping to catch his breath, he listened. The sun was going down. All he had to do was avoid two crazy people until midnight. He shook his head and headed left. He went about fifteen yards and cut into the woods, cursing again at the pain it caused. He recrossed the path he had been on earlier and went into the woods on the other side. He finally reached one of the other paths. He took a left on it. It would take his brother some time to follow this one.
"It would be more sporting to give it to him," Cas snickered.
"More challenging. Dean at his best would be hard to find, but he's barefooted, in a bath towel with his belt holding it up. He has no weapons at all. He won't go where people are, because he won't want to draw us there. He's gonna try to hold us off. Midnight, we're back to normal. We got a few hours to play. He's never faced this before."
The angel had a feeling Sam was underestimating his brother and given the circumstances, Castiel was going to keep his mouth shut. Despite being drunk, he was still Dean's friend.
Dean found a park situated on a lake. There were people partying under a pavilion. Some children were in a large playground. He scanned the surrounding areas. It was dark but the park had lights. He headed towards a bathroom and locked himself into a stall and waited.
"We ready," he asked, looking at Sam.
"Let's go." They locked the door behind them, and Sam stood in the motel parking lot. "He would have stopped and taken his bearings. Dean went off somewhere in the woods. I mean, would you want to be caught by the police in a bath towel?" The younger Winchester looked at the naked angel flying next to him. "Maybe it wouldn't bother you."
"There is nothing wrong with being naked," he snickered, fluttering near Sam's shoulder.
"After all, you can be a cherub right now. Who would care?" The two followed the woods as they lined the parking lot. Sam finally stopped. "He went in here."
"Sure of that, are you?" He snickered again, just enjoying being out.
"See the way the branches are broken going inwards. Look how the leaves and plants on the ground are crushed. Yeah, he did."
Dean knew it would take his brother some time to follow his trail. If it got dark before he found the paths, even better. He was tired, hungry and thirsty. His feet hurt. He closed his eyes and hoped it would be close to midnight before he was found. Other wise, he would probably be hurting more.
Castiel fluttered by Sam's shoulder, watching as the tall leprechaun tried to track his brother.
Dean did not hide his movements in the woods. To him it would have been impossible in his situation. When he saw the trails, he hoped his brother would not notice him taking off into the woods that lined them. If he was lucky, Sam would not be able to find what he had done. He shook his head. When was he ever lucky?
The angel hummed as he stayed with Sam, wondering what would happen. "Ok, so why the shotgun? Cause that's just nasty, man."
"When did you pick up that language, Cas? You have no idea how many times Dean has beat the crap out of me. I don't want to beat him up. Not if I don't have too. This will hurt like hell and be a lot more fun." They came to the first trail Sam turned the flashlight on the cleared area. He moved around looking for a sign of which direction his brother would go. The path had a lot of use. He could not tell. "Okay. Think like Dean. He's not going to go right because it will lead to town." Sam turned left.
"Yeah but shootin' him isn't right," he said, poking Sam's ear. "It'll hurt, and he did try to take care of us."
"Really? How? We were trapped in a motel room and given alcohol to entertain us. We are both stoned out of our heads. How was that taking care of us?"
"Ummm...we could've been put at a zoo on display as a living faerie and leprechaun," he pointed out.
"I'm too good at what I do, Cas. It would never have happened. Anyway, once midnight hits we will be normal. Just giving Dean a little fun" They came to where three paths intersected. Sam stood their staring.
Castiel moved in front of him. "Not with a shotgun..that's not fun," he said, concentrating with his grace. As drunk as he was and given his situation, it would probably end up turning the gun into something less harmful but more amusing.
The gun turned to plastic and filled up with honey. "Cas! What did you do? Dean will kill us for this! He made this gun!"
"Better honey than rock salt," he growled. "You could put Dean in a hospital with how it was." He pulled the long hair, hard, to reprimand him.
Sam stared at him and smiled, "All right. It you feel that way about it. He does have no shirts or jacket, or jeans on. Come to think of it, he's only wearing a little more then you are." Sam chuckled, let's go left. If we don't find him, we can always back track."
"Yeah yeah yeah," he said, moving back to his shoulder area.
Cas was the one who spotted where Dean left the path , going back into the woods. Sam stood there, looking at the broken branches. "Now why would you do that, Dean? "
"Trying to avoid you?"
"Yeah, I think he is. Interesting tactic, but he'll head right back to the path we were on. Huh. He is purposely letting himself get torn up by doing this. The path would have been easier. He's not dressed for the woods. All right, Dean. I'll play your game."
Dean's thirst became almost insatiable. He thought he had seen a water fountain near the playground, but he could still hear voices. The thirst was making his throat feel itchy. He had to get a drink.
Castiel took to humming as he flew along, wondering how long this little game would take.
The came back out on the main path about three hundred yards further up. Sam went left again and followed about two hundred more yards. He started laughing. "Dean, what the hell are you doing?" Cas saw the same broken branches. Dean had gone back into the woods.
The hunted man slowly opened the Men's room door and peeked out. The children were still playing on the play ground and the party under the pavilion was in full swing. He slipped out and went towards the area where he had seen the water fountain. He did not notice the bloody footprints he left behind him.
The angel had to admit that his friend was doing pretty darn good in avoiding them. "Damn, could use more whiskey," he muttered. Sam pulled out a small flask. "Can you drink out of a cap?"
Dean kept drinking. He would gasp for air and then drink some more. A man walked up to him and looked at how he was dressed.
"Are you lost, Mister? You aren't quite dressed like everyone else around here and I don't see a car in the parking lot that doesn't belong to our group."
"I swim cold waters. I did a long swim across the lake and I'm waiting on someone to come pick me up. I'm not trying to bother anyone."
The man looked at his towel, belted around his waist. "Yeah, just stay away from the kids."
Dean nodded and walked over to a group of trees with one lone picnic table under them. He would not be able to go back into the restroom now. He sighed, climbed up on the table and waited. Whatever had happened to Sam and Cas, he knew he was in trouble. Rock salt? He was almost naked. It could do a nasty job on him. He'd have to find some way to jump his brother. He was so tired by this time.
"If it's small enough to hold, sure," he said, admiring the scenery. "So pretty here."
"Yeah, I guess it is. What I want is to deal with Dean before midnight, change back, and we all go back to doing our jobs. You finished? Let's go." They walked another half hour and found the other path. Sam stood there and then grinned. "You can't guarantee where the other path is going to be, can you, Dean?. You're going to stay on this one. We can move faster now, Cas."
"You, my friend, are acting wonkier than usual. You know, you're acting like you really want to hurt him," he observed, chugging the alcohol when it was given to him.
I guess I want him to know that he can't hurt me any more if I don't want to be. He thinks he can take me any time. I am not so sure any longer. I want to see."
"Sam, you're an idiot. It isn't about who can take who, dumb ass," he said, finishing up his capful of whiskey. "What matters is the bond between you...not physical strength."
"Cas, I have no soul. I don't really care about Dean. I should. I know, but I don't. I hunted for a year before he found out I was here. He's helpful. I can find a lot of uses for him, but he gets bossy. I don't like that."
Sam looked at his watch. "It's fifteen minutes until midnight. There's lights ahead. Maybe he found some place to hide. Let's go check."
"You know..souls aren't necessary for caring, not really," he pointed out. "Some people argue animals have no souls yet they hold their human companions in very high affection. Sometimes, I wonder if you're not using this to simply get even for things you think he's done," he observed, slurring a bit.
"Interesting thought. It's a shame we'll never know. I have no intention of killing Dean. I would like to beat the crap out of him because he does make me angry at times. Maybe it's not anger. I just get irritated by him. Emotions are not all they are cut to be, Cas. You should know that."
They entered the park. People were rounding up children, when one woman yelled, "Look at the size of that Leprechaun."
"There goes the element of surprise."
What neither of them expected was for Dean to limp out from beneath the trees and slowly walk towards them.
"Emotions are vital; you are not a Vulcan," he giggled.
Sam made the Vulcan hand signal and said, "Live long and get the women, Sam." He headed towards his brother.
Castiel burst into drunken giggles. "Don't think that's right."
The three met in the middle of the play ground. Dean looked at the two and could tell they were still highly drunk and that the

almost hatred in Sam's eyes hurt, but it bothered him more that there was any emotion. If there was, why this one?
"Sam, Cas? Took you a while."
Sam aimed the almost plastic gun at his brother. "Where's my shotgun, Sammy?" Dean closed his eyes as his brother pulled the trigger. He was soon covered in a sticky, thick honey. "What the hell is this?"
Dean rush forward and tackled Sam in the stomach and both went down.
"Idiots," Castiel observed. "Morons of the highest caliber," he cackled, then drank more whiskey.
Dean had Sam on his back and was straddling his chest. "I really ought to…to…. Hell, Sam, why do you hate me when you can't even feel?" came from a cracked voice and ended on a sob. A church bell rang in the distance. At that moment, Sam was no longer green and his leprechaun clothes were gone, Dean was sitting on him with honey dripping off of him onto his brother, and Cas stood over them, stark naked.
Well, not quite standing as the angel had been hovering. When the change happened, he wasn't able to break his fall and landed on the two of them.
At this moment, Balthazar arrived. He took one look of Sam laying on his back in boxer shorts, Dean with the towel almost around his waist, and naked below ,on top of him, and Castiel on top of both of them, stark naked, and he started laughing until tears rolled down his cheeks. The only other oddity was the honey. He sniffed it and laughed harder. "I do not think that honey will work that well for a menage a trois, my friends. It looks like you will survive this. Happy Saint Patrick's Day." Balthazar disappeared.
Dean looked around him and then at himself. "Holy crap! Cas! Get us the hell out of here!"
Castiel, for once, was quick to comply and dropped them into the hotel room. They landed in a pile at the foot of one of the beds. Dean finally pulled himself out of the pile of naked and half naked bodies. He was blood red, panicking, and coughing. "Right now!. Right this moment! This never happened! If Balthazar says anything, we gank him! This can not get out!"
"Dean, we are behind closed doors," the angel reassured him, getting to his feet and cleaning himself rather quickly with his abilities before donning clothing.
"I'll tell you what Cas. Do you remember anything from the last few days? Either of you?"
Sam sat up. "No I don't"
"No, I cannot say that I do," he said softly.
"Okay. I took pictures and videos. I sent them to Bobby, who has them hidden. Now, if you two don't straighten up and behave, there won't be a family member, hunter, demon or angel on the face of this earth who won't have a copy. You got me? Now I'm gonna go shower. Sam, I suggest you order supper. Cas, if you're staying, the clothes stay on." Dean headed towards the restroom with a smile on his face. Neither the man nor the angel saw it.
The soulless man and the angel both had looks close to shock as they turned to watch Dean Winchester limp off but with shoulders back and his head high.
- 1
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St Paddy's Day Joke	By : Tisha_Wyman Category: Supernatural > General Views: 971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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St Paddy's Day Joke