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The Lies we Tell Ourselves	By : ihatethesnow Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 2353 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or any characters. I will not be making any money from this story.

Chapter List
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Lori Grimes woke up, alone in her own cell. The first thing on her mind, as it was every day for two years, was Carl, her baby boy. Hershel tried to save him, but Carl lost too much blood. She missed him so much. She missed his smile, his hugs, everything. Before she started crying for the millionth time she got out of her bunk and wanted to take a shower. When she stood up and stretched, and her hands went to where they used to go, right on her flat stomach. She missed the feeling of being pregnant. She missed the swelling of her baby...Rick's baby... She missed the kicks that would wake her up in the middle of the night. If only. She had said that to herself every day, several times a day, for the past two years. If only she never accepted Shane's advances. If only she said no to having Carl go with Rick and Shane that day. If only she gave Rick the emotional support he needed that evening. If only she tightened her hug rather than walk away. If only she persisted in asking for a moment with him, her husband. If only her daughter, Rick's daughter, had lived. She would be almost a year old. What would be different, if only...
She gathered her clothes for the day, her small basket of shower supplies, and walked out of her cell, headed to the shower room. The block was empty, with mostly everyone awake but certainly not asleep. She passed Glenn and Maggie's cell. They forgot to pull over the privacy curtain, so Lori diverted her eyes quickly when she saw Maggie going down on Glenn. She had her back to Lori, and Glenn sure wasn't paying attention to who was in the hallway, so Lori just smirked and walked down the stairs.
She saw Rick, her "maybe, maybe not" husband, asleep in one of the chairs in the cellblock. He was on duty through the night, or maybe he got here an hour ago...there's no way to tell. They don't share the same cell. Never have. It has been almost a year since he touched her shoulder on the catwalk, saying "We're thankful for what you did." and walked away. She tried so hard to ask for forgiveness, and to explain why she flinched away. She tried for months. Then she stopped. She got tired of chasing him. She thought he'd come around. He never did. They haven't said one word to each other in two years. Two years of him barely acknowledging her presence, ignoring her when they passed in the hallway, or trying to comfort her when the baby she delivered lived only one day. She used the bathroom and took a quick shower, taking one of the towels that she and Carol would wash, fold and put out for whomever would need one. She dried off, got dressed, and when she walked back to the cellblock Rick was awake. They made eye contact, very briefly, and she looked away first. She climbed the stairs and went back to her cell to finish getting herself together. Despite all that, they both still wear their wedding rings. She sat on her bunk and waited until she heard Carol and Hershel come out of their cell and talk to Rick before she went back down. It's easier that way. She has gotten use to the emptiness, the passive-aggressive ways he wants her to know he's still angry; walking out of a room as soon as she enters, always sitting on the far end of the table at dinner time, and turning his back to her every time he can. It's easier to have someone else in the same room with Rick. Years ago they could spend hours together, just the two of them, in the same room and sit in comfortable silence. Now, just passing each other in the hallway feels like a war zone. This has been going on for two years. Lori went down for a quick breakfast, then said she was going outside for some fresh air.
Living in the prison was a bit like living in a college dorm. Abe, a Marine, made sure everything was organized and everyone stuck to a schedule. They each had a small plastic basket they carried to the shower room, which contained whatever they needed. Multiple supply runs produced hundreds of bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, feminine products, toilet paper, body lotion and thousands of bars of soap. Daryl laughed that at the end of the world the last thing people are worried about is hygiene products. Two cells are dedicated to the supplies, one cell dedicated for the canned food the gathered on runs, and everyone rations what they have, not knowing how long the stuff will last. One cell was dedicated for guns, ammo and weapons.
They reinforced the walls and fences, and the prison yard was divided into sections; crops on one side and on the other side were the animals they found from abandoned farms. They had a few cows, several chickens, and a few pigs. Hershel loved being able to farm again, and always made sure that they had food. Carol became an expert on canning foods they would use in the winter. The prison became a home. Stops at housing developments gave them comfort products; pillows, sheets, blankets, and clothes. A peaceful place in the middle of the undead.
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One year ago
While they were on a run to get items they needed since Lori was about to deliver her baby, Abe, Ty and Rick went to a hospital, but before entering they gutted two walkers and covered themselves in their entrails. They easily gathered IV bags, medication, drugs, medical and first aid supplies. They had bags of everything Bob, a medical doctor, told them to get, not just for Lori's delivery, but for any future emergencies. Bob wanted the infirmary to be fully stocked. Before they got back into the car, Abe gave everyone a pair of scrubs, and they took turns watching for walkers as they changed into clean clothes, rather than getting walker shit all over the inside of the car. They put the walker covered clothes in a bag, hoping they could be washed.
They passed a Babies R Us store, and were shocked when they looked in; the place was barely touched. Even though Rick was not talking to Lori, he was excited about the impending birth. Nobody could take the place of Carl, but he loved the idea of getting a second chance at fatherhood. They cleared the store, and took a minivan from the parking lot. Rick's heart sank when he opened the driver's door and found a walker, who was once a pregnant woman. She turned, and the baby she delivered was on the floor near her feet, also a walker. Ty helped him clear the van, which they drove into the store after they cleaned the seat. Abe stayed outside, to cover the store and to guard what they had, from the living and the dead.
Ty and Rick were able to get everything they could without having to look over their shoulders. They got clothes, for a boy and a girl, formula, bottles, blankets, toys, diapers, wipes, pacifiers, a crib, stroller, playpen, and everything else Lori wrote down. Ty, who never had children, shook his head at the amount of stuff they needed. Rick had a lump in his throat, remembering the happier times with Lori, and shopping for all the baby stuff when they were expecting Carl. One last stop to an abandoned Walmart was what they needed to get some stale food, and Ty went to the health section to clear the shelf of condoms and lube, thinking that one baby at a time is enough. When they got back to the prison and both vehicles went through the double gates, Carol ran out to get Rick. It was clear that she was crying.
Lori was due to deliver any day, and she thought Rick was looking at her more, or at least paying more attention without saying anything. Maybe it was all in her head. She felt relieved when he left for a supply run with Abe and Ty. Ty, Sasha, Abe and Bob were filled in about the entire story. When the four joined Rick's group after the farm fell, they thought Rick and Lori were strangers. They didn't know that they were married for fourteen years and recently lost a child. They saw Lori's belly grow, and Rick completely ignore her. At dinner that evening, Sasha said to Lori that it was nice to see her smile and laugh. Lori nodded her head in thanks. She felt happier that Rick wasn't around. She had his baby in her belly, but felt happier. Maggie, Beth and Carol also sat and chatted with Lori for over an hour. Lori felt relieved to have someone to really talk to. At some point every one of them let her cry on their shoulder, releasing her emotions about how Rick is treating her. But now she is happy and smiling over the new baby, and secretly hoping that he or she will finally bring Rick around. Carol started to gather the dirty dishes, and Beth jumped up to help. Maggie and Glenn were heading up to the guard tower for the night shift. Lori went to the laundry room and filled a basket with clothes from the dryer. She planned on going to her cell to sort through and fold them. Daryl saw that she had her hands full and offered to help, but Lori smiled and said that it was okay...she's got it.
She was one step away from the top when she lost her grip on the laundry basket. As she started to drop it, she pulled it up and overcompensated for bending over to her right, and bent too far left. She dropped the basket entirely, and lost her balance. She tried to regain her footing, but slipped on a piece of clothing. Her stomach, and the baby, got the worst of it. Her belly hit every step as she slid down the staircase. She landed, face first, on the concrete floor. The total event took seconds. Daryl yelled for help, and Merle ran out from his cell to help Daryl carry an unconscious Lori to the infirmary. Her water broke and there was blood everywhere. Bob and Hershel were at her side within a minute. She wasn't dilated, but with the fall Bob said the baby needs to come out immediately. He washed his hands while Hershel started an IV, with antibiotics and painkillers. She was already unconscious. Since it was a prison hospital they didn't have the equipment for giving a woman a C-section. Bob put on sterile gloves, and asked Maggie and Carol to do the same. Hershel already washed his hands and was by Lori's side. Bob started cutting, and a baby girl started weak crying just minutes later. Carol held the baby while Bob stitched up Lori, inside and out. He doubled up on the antibiotics since it wasn't a sterile environment, and then started working on Lori's nose, and left wrist, both of which were broken. He set the nose, and did what he could to tightly wrap the wrist. Hershel constantly took Lori's blood pressure, and Sasha took a warm, damp cloth to help wash her up.
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The Lies we Tell Ourselves