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Girly Action	By : Beaverhausen13 Category: S through Z > X-Files Views: 871 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files and I make jack shit from this. No payment, homes.

Chapter List
- 1-Girly Action
- 1
title: Girly Action
author: Pepperstasia Beaverhausen (writing as gillianinchains)
rating: NC-17 for lesbianism and mild subs
spoilers: eeny weeny one for DD's Hollywood ep
summary: read the title
disclaimer/author's notes: The characters of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully aren't mine, property of C.C. and co. is branded on their asses and I can't seem to rub it off, no matter how hard I try. I have decided it's my turn to be selfish, so she's pretty much mine this story; although I have remained true to M&S's undying love, they're so M.F.E.O.!

The Plaid Serpent Danceteria
Los Angeles, CA
10:13 p.m. Friday

           Okay so, there's virtually no one of interest *here* tonight. Oh yeah, maybe I should introduce myself. My name's Pepper, and I'm a twenty-two-year-old aspiring actress and hardcore L.A. party kid. I stand about five foot eight without shoes, and have short chin length red hair with baby bangs, dark blue eyes, and surprisingly fair skin for living in California. Maybe that's because my skin reflects the sun instead of absorbing it. Whatever. Anyhoo, now that I have the details of What I Look Like out of the way, I'll begin on why I'm here.
          It's been about a year since my girlfriend, Mercedes, and I split, and I've delved into the champagne room since. I'm okay with it, I still party all the time, and it's not like I'm a total recluse or anything, but it has been a while since I've desired any boo-tay. My pals were "worried" about me. Dude, it's not as if I couldn't *get* anyone or anything; this past year there have been more passes coming out of the woodwork than ever. But honestly, I'm disinterested. My homeboy, Hammer, bounces here and urged me to come and check out the new cachet of honeys tonight. Apparently, he'd been talking to Nick and Nick had told him of my rantings about Mercedes the other night when I was all drunk at the railroad bridge or whatever.
          Okay, so maybe I'm not *fully* over her.
          It's cool, we *were* together a long time and I perceive it as totally natch to still have some feelings. But Hammer put his foot down, and now here I am, Plaid Serpent revisited. At least I look good tonight. Might as well if I'm being forced to butt-hunt. Asymmetrical is the rage this year, and slave to fashion that I am, I decided on an orange midriff tank with the one strap on the left shoulder and a pair of sparkly blue hip huggers that show off my butterfly tattoo (red, blue, and pink) down and to the right of my bellybutton. My hair is in its usual pigtails, my makeup rocks, and I feel so cute that if I weren't myself, I'd date me.
          I wish I could say the same for any of the other tricks in this establishment. Really, I mean; blah!
          So I kick it at the bar, slamming my fifth malibu-pineapple-orange juice since I've been here (all of fifteen minutes) next to my boys Nick and Big Red, watching my pals Nicole and Bubbles dance on the "hot girl" stage. Normally, I'd be up there too, but I have to make it evident that I'm scoping.
          "And *where* is this new crop of babes that Hammer was waxing so excregiously about?" I say with an annoyed tone to Nick, "I see nothing but woof."
         "Hey, it's early yet, Pepper." Nick chides, "you know most of the crowd's here toward eleven."
          "True that, dude. Yo, Red, I'm starting to feel buzzy. You want to get our flow on?" I ask my fellow flame-haired pal. Big Red is a party *machine*. He can stay up for days on no sleep, phat wasted, staying up on dancing alone. He's also one of the only straight boys that I know that can do more than just freak-dance.
          Red and I head to the dance floor, already dancing our way through, when I see her talking to Hammer. A chick so nummy she nearly takes my breath away. She's little and cute, with a dope bod dressed in Levi's and a little lavender halter top, and she's got this bob of red hair about the same shade as mine and big beautiful eyes. Her lips. They're totally bitchcakes. I just sooo want to kiss them.
          This is nuts. I don't get this way about people anymore! I also never disregard attraction either, so Red and I are making an immediate beeline in Hammer's direction.
          "Hammer-son!" I holler, flashing my most flirtatious grin, "Blah! Blalalala! and Timmy!" I finish as I jump beside him.
          Hammer is humongous. He's also one of my closest homeskillets and junk, which is cool, 'cause I know he's always got my back. He wraps an arm around my waist and kisses my forehead, "Pepp-ah! Pepp-a, Salt, Salt, Peppa!" he growls as the adorable redhead regards us, amused smile gracing her delicious face. "Good, you came. What's up, Big Red?!" he greets, slamming Red pounds.
          "So, who's the vixen?" I ask cautiously, because my gay-dar blips a bit, but not enough to be cocksure on whether or not she's safe.
          She smiles and offers her hand, "Name's Dana." she says in a voice so sexy it almost curls my toes. I accept her hand and ghetto-shake it, complete with obligatory chest slam. She giggles.
          "Dana's visiting here from D.C." Hammer cuts in.
          I lean into Red, "Yo, I'm about to get up on this. Word?"
          Red smiles conspiratorially, "Word." he whispers, then speaks up, "Dude, I'm out to get my flow on. I'll run into y'all on the flip." he says, shaking Dana's hand, "They call me Big Red. Nice meeting you." then he took off dancing.
          "D.C., huh?" I say after Red leaves, "How long are you in L.A.?"
          "About a week." she says, her voice again totally making love to my ears, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." she adds, sounding a tidge embarrassed.
          I shoot Hammer an annoyed glance, "My name's Pepper. You know, like the cartoon?" I smile at her.
          Hammer cuts in, "My bad, this is one of the sexiest girls ever, Pepper-Ann, Pepper-Ann; she has status over any other party girl in the circuit."
          Dana gives me a warm smile, "Very nice to meet you."
          "Well hey," I say, suddenly getting nervous, which never happens to me, "let me buy you a drink. We'll let Hammer get back to work, and you can tell me about yourself."
          She looks overwhelmed, "Okay." she agrees, then turns to Hammer, "Nice meeting you."
          I jump up on Hammer and growl into his neck,"Malalalalaaa! Wish me luck, Dude." I whisper.
          "Pepp-ahh!" Hammer winks at me, pinching my ass as I hop down.
          I grab Dana's hand (total tingles, by the by),"Okay Lady, Iloveyoubyebye!" I holler as we make our way over to the bar.
          "What's your poison?" I ask as I pull out my cash from my back pocket.
          "What do you suggest?" she asks, "I haven't been out in a while."
          "No kidding? Well, the best club drink is vodka and Redbull, for the energy factor. I've already downed enough of my warm-up drink, malibu-pineapple-orange, so..."
           The bartender approaches, "Two vodka and Redbulls, please." she tells him, because I've apparently lost it.
           I giggle, "I'm nervous, can you tell?"
           Dana smiles innocently, "Whatever for?"
           "Well, you’re so gorgeous." I blurt dumbly. I don't even know if she's gay fully, and already I'm coming on like a nuevo-gay out to convert the world. What's wrong with me?
            Her smile brightens, "But you're so charming. I'm surprised that anything would make you nervous." The bartender hands us our drinks and she slams half of hers in one gulp, then purrs into my ear, "Flattery will get you everywhere, by the way."
            Holy buckets! She's reciprocating! I'm in mad heaven. A smile spreads across my face so big my cheeks hurt, "So, what brings you to L.A.?"
            "I was visiting my brother in San Diego and it just got to be too much. I love him, but he tends to nag me a lot." Dana explains, "So I left and decided to spend the rest of my vacation having fun."
            "I feel that." I say, "So what do you do, Dana?"
            "I'm a doctor."
            "No shit?" A doctor. I had no clue. Gorgeous *and* smart. My fuck, could she *be* any more perfect? "Wow, that's fucking-A impressive."
            A blush creeps into her cheeks, which is totally adorable, by the way, "Thank you. What about you, Pepper? What do you do?"
            I usher the barkeep for another round of drinks and answer, "Like about a jillion other chicks in L.A., I'm an aspiring actress. To pay the bills, I've resorted to print modeling. At least I don't wait tables, though. I'd probably be spitting into food on at *least* a tri-daily basis."
            Dana bursts into laughter, "Well you certainly are pretty enough." she observes after her giggles fade a bit, "Plus you have character, which can get you everywhere."
            Omigod, I'm combelling! She said *I'm* pretty! "Thank you." Now I'm blushing, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
            "Not exactly."
            "Girlfriend?" Tact, thy name is Pepper.
            She flashes me a killer grin, "That's entirely up to you." she coos.
            Her hand is on my thigh! Holy shitballs, I could faint. Plus, I'm getting pretty buzzed. Gods, forgive me for acting like an asshole, PLEASE!
            One of my favorite dance tunes, "Gopher (Mambo)" starts to play, and I slam the rest of my drink in one gulp, "Let's get the flow on, sexy." I wink at her, reluctantly taking the hand on my thigh and pulling her off her barstool into a tango stance, "I know it's mambo, but let's go with it, shall we?" I remark as we make our way to the dance floor.
            She's laughing, which is a plus. God, she smells delicious. She's a bad ass dancer, too, especially for someone who claimed to not go out much. I bust into the robot, which gets her going in fits. I have to stop after a while 'cause I'm afraid she'll pee her pants or something. The song changes to a decidedly sexier tune, Prince's "Girls and Boys", and our bodies move closer into a comfortable grind. I sing along in her ear, "Vous-etre belle, Mama, Girls and Boys". Anything to be closer to this heaven scent creature. Dana's skin is powder soft, and I slip one hand to the small of her back, massaging lightly as she grinds on my leg. She has her arms wrapped around my neck, and I press my forehead to hers. Kick ass.
            "Hi." I say shyly, building up the courage to move in for the kill, so to speak.
            "Hi." One of her hands move from my neck to my mouth, and she runs her thumb slowly across my bottom lip. Chills. Could she *be* any more awesome? "I like your mouth." Dana comments, whilst I am almost in cardiac arrest.
            I giggle nervously, "Probably not as much as I like yours." I counter, then make the dive.
            Wow, and I thought she just smelled delish. Nothing compares to what her mouth tastes like, though. Mmmm, this is lush. I am soooo happy that I listened to Hammer and came here tonight instead of crashing that frat at UCLA. I really, totally, completely am! God, she's good. I consider myself to be somewhat of a kissing-whore, I sometimes like it better than the actual act of sex, so I've had a lot of practice, but omigoddamn. She's fucking brilliance at this. Mamasita. Now her hand is on my ass. Hoop-la! If I was in any position to do a dance of joy, I would consider now the time.
            I'm about three seconds from asking her if she wants to blow this popstand, and that's when I get tapped on the shoulder. Figures. I reluctantly break out of my makeout sesh and spin around to tell whoever it is to go away. Christ. It's Mercedes. Why can't I get a decent break for once? She looks good, though not as poetic as Dana, but good, nonetheless.
            "Hi, Pepper." Mercedes says, flipping her mid-length dark brown hair behind her. I detect jealousy in her chocolate eyes. Good.
            "Ummm, hey Mercedes. Long time, no talk." I say, a bit flustered. Dana wraps her arms around my waist from behind and clears her throat, resting her chin on my shoulder. "Mercedes, this is Dana. Dana, my ex, Mercedes." I introduce.
            "Nice to meet you." Dana purrs, then nips at my neck. She is such the goddess for making me look so pimp.
            "How've you been?" I ask.
            "Pretty good; came here with Claire. She's getting drinks. Are you still modeling?"
            "Yup."
            We stand in silence for about five seconds. Uncomfortable ass silence. Mercedes clears her throat, "Well, it was great seeing you again. I'm glad things are going okay, considering..."
            "Yeah, dude, you too. Maybe I'll see ya on the flip." I say lightly.
            "Maybe. Nice meeting you, Dana." Mercedes throws over her shoulder as she thankfully goes away.
            "You too." Dana calls, then moves her lips to my ear, "Do I even need to ask?" she chuckles.
            I turn to her and kiss her abruptly, "You wanna get out of here?" I ask.
            "Yeah."
*******************************************************************************************************************
           We said our goodbyes to all my homeskillets, (complete with the knowing winks and nods), and got the hook on the afterparty before hopping into my vintage sky-blue VW Bug and getting the fuck out of Dodge.
           "Do you mind if we bum around for a while?" I ask, lighting a Camel.
           "Not at all." Dana says, cracking her window.
           "I have some purple shit and a bowl in the glovebox if you want to pack it." I suggest. What a stressful fucking situation. I mean, Jesus!
           Dana retrieves them and giggling, starts to pack my pink blown glass travel pipe, "I haven't done this since college." she comments, "But I will with you. So, do you want to talk about it?"
            I tactlessly launch into the details, "Mercedes and I went out for like, two years. At first it was the bomb, you know, she parties as hard as I do, she's a knockout, blazay-skip, whatever. Apparently, she couldn't be truthful with me, though. The girl she was with tonight, Claire," I pause to hit the bowl Dana just passed me, "she was seeing her for a month before *she* finally dumped me."
           "Now I understand." Dana comments as I hand her the bowl.
            "You know the worst? I wouldn't have even given a fuck if she hadn't lied to me about it. Do whatever you want, man, but don't lie." I steer my car to my fave off-the-beaten-path and park on this bitchcakes hill overlooking the city.
            I leave my car running, so my Cardigans CD is playing lowly on my system, and I turn to look at Dana. Bliss. "This is mad decent of you to listen to me rant." I smile at her.
            So why does she look guilty? "Pepper, I haven't been completely honest with you either." She starts.
            "About..." (puff, puff)
            "I'm not *just* a doctor. I'm also an FBI agent."
            "No shit?" This just keeps getting better, "That fucking rules!"
            She smiles brightly, "You're not mad? I thought you would be suspicious..." she starts.
            "Oh, whatever girl! You're doing this shit, too! Gods, I just love corrupting people!" I exclaim. This is fuckin' awesome! I am making out and smoking with a *female* FBI agent. This kicks so much ass. You guys don't even know.
            "Well, you're definitely corrupting me." Dana cracks, then gets kinda solemn, "I've been so foolish. I...I don't even know why I'm telling you this, but...there's this guy that I work with. I'd been saving myself for him...(breath) for a very long, long time, but it will never happen. It would have by now, you know? Tonight, I realize that there's other possibilities."
            I listen, entranced by the words in which she speaks. I'm her first girl, ever?
            "I have to realize that there's other great people in the world besides him. I really never figured it would happen with a woman, but I haven't felt any attraction to anyone but him in ages." At this she twines her hand with mine, "You've shown me that I can indeed experience that."
            "You too, dude!" I smile, wow she rocks, "You know that you're the first person that I've even *liked* since Mercedes? You know, in that way."
            "It's really too bad I have to go back to Washington next week." Dana sighs, resting her head on my shoulder.
            I use the hand that isn't holding hers to stroke her hair, "You wanna know what I think? I think you're in love with that dude that you work with. But that doesn't mean that you can't have awesome fun with me while you're here. I also think a long-distance relationship is way too much work, so I'm down with living in the now, if you are."
            "You're right, Pepper. Honestly, with the type of work that I do, no matter how much I would want it to work, I know it wouldn't happen. We *should* just recognize this as a fling and have fun with each other." Dana throws me a seductive glance. Damn, baby.
             I get hit with the dopest of ideas, "Hey, let's get out of the car."
             She laughs at me, "Okay."
             As Dana steps out, I switch the disc to a funk compilation and grab my stuff as "Lady Marmalade" by LaBelle starts bumping out of my system. I turn my stereo up and switch on my headlights, then exit the driver's side door bopping along to the music as I half-ass repack. Dana erupts in a full belly laugh, doubling over and holding herself up with her hands on the hood of my car.
             "Dana, welcome to the most spamtastic-primo-super-mad-phat-kick-ass week of your life! Word to your mutha!" I exclaim, dancing over to her and handing her "pinkie", "I'll even let you have the green hit."
             She giggles as I move behind her along with the beat, hands on her waist. I move her around so that we can sit on the hood with her in front of me between my legs, and I nuzzle her neck while alternately singing along, "Gitchee gitchee ya ya ya, gitchee gitchee nana here!" she sparks pinkie and passes it to me, and joins in singing loudly, "Voulez-vous couchez avec moi, c'est soir?!"
             Wow, I feel fantastafuck, and I can't tell if it's because of the booze, nuggs, or just her being so close. Any way you slice it, I'm still unable to wipe this goofy grin off my face. Dana cranes her neck to meet my mouth with hers, and soon we're making out again, pinkie forgotten. And truthfully, I'm a giant pothead, so for me to actually forget herbs is *extremely* rare. I can fully blame that one on the woman with her tongue in my mouth and her hand on my cone. Tit for tit, so to speak, because my hands are on her cones, too, now. Wow, I'm *really* her first girl-toy? At any rate, she kicks mondo-heinie at this.
This week is gonna rock.
*********************************************************************************************************************
          It's day four of what I've come to call "week o' Dana Scully". She has the same last name as that producer on "The Simpsons". Ooh, and her middle name, by the way, is Katherine, which is one of my all-time favorite names! We have been having so much fun! I insisted that she kick it for the week at my abode instead of staying at a dumb hotel. We've done all sorts of sheeparific girly things these past few days, in the way of mudpack facials, driving around and smiling and waving to confused denizens of L.A., lying out on the roof of my apartment building and reflecting the sun with our pale skins, and of course, hitting every party that's come our way, among other things. She even came to a photo shoot I had to do for Pacific Swimwear's summer catalog and hung out on the set, introducing herself as my "temporary" girlfriend. It's been so dope wreaking havoc with her so far.
          At the moment we're chilling in my extremely adolescent carnation pink canopy bed, toking a wake-up J, and she just gave me really great head. Hard to believe she's an amateur.
          Ooh, and we look supercute this morning, 'cause I decided it was a tiny t-shirt and panty morning, so that's what we're currently lounging in.
          I bounce a little on my bed on my hands and knees, jostling Dana, who's trying valiantly to hit that bone, "Da-ana." I sing-song.
          "Pep-per." she echoes, giggling.
          "What's his name?" I ask, accepting the J she just passed me, "You know, the *boy* you're in love with back in D.C.? I mean, we've been kickin' it for some days now and you've barely dished."
          She blushes a little, "I thought it would be awkward, talking about him when I'm with you."
          "The hell you say!" I retort, "It's not like we're 'together forever' or anything. I'd like you to think of me as not only the hot babe you're having a fling with here in sunny L.A., but as a pal you can talk with as well. So gossip!"
          "Fox Mulder."
          "Who Mulder?" (puff;pass)
          She pauses to hit it, "Fox William Mulder, that's his name."
          "You're in love with a dude named 'Fox'?" I giggle; for some reason that's mad hilarity.
          Dana busts up in a fit as well, depositing the finished roach into the ashtray on my nightstand, grabbing the nearest pillow and beaning me in the head, "I don't see how that's as bizarre as fucking a girl named 'Pepper'." she retorts through laughter.
          "True that, true that." I say as we calm, "Do you have a photo?"
          She nods and goes to her carry-on to pull out her wallet, selects a pic, and traverses over to me holding it behind her back. "Hold on a second...BAM!" she jokes, thrusting the picture in my face a la Funky Fingers Productions.
          After recovering from her joke, (I am such a sucker for nostalgic references) I grab the picture. Oh my. "Dude, he's fucking pimp! No wonder you've like him for ages!"
          "You think so?"
          I nod; this boy *is* fine, "Is Fox a doctor like you?"
          "Not exactly. He's a criminal psychologist, whereas I am a forensics pathologist." she answers.
          "He's *never* hit on you?" I say, examining his picture, "Dude, maybe he's gay." I offer. He's definitely beautiful enough.
          "He's not gay." Dana says with conviction, "That much I know."
          "So what's his deal? If I had to work with you every day for much years, I'd go insane. Does he date other people?" I ask, lighting a cigarette and flopping onto my stomach on my bed.
          Dana flops beside me in a similar fashion, regarding his pic almost yearningly, "No, Mulder doesn't date. His life has always been his work on the X-files, so he doesn't have time for things like love or...fun."
          "How endearingly blah! Hey, did you think that maybe he's just saving himself for you like you'd been doing?" I suggest, "Because for serious, you two are both *way* too fine. You'd have to be single on purpose."
          "You really think so?" Dana smiles.
          "For sure, dude. He must want you *really* bad. I'll bet money he thinks about you when he whacks off."
          Dana chuffs in shocked laughter, "I can't believe you just said that!"
          "Why not? Besides, you've probably done the same with his mental image, and don't lie, because I'd bet money on that theory too, and I don't bet unless I'm sure I'm right."
          "Maybe a few times." she admits, "Mulder's just so..."
          "Fox-y?" I supply, "I'll say."
          "In all honesty, I don't think I've ever met a man as true to his convictions as he is. He has this wonderful singlemindedness to him that I just pray he'd focus on me; you know, Pepper? Sometimes I think he does, too. Sometimes, when we're discussing a case, he looks at me like I'm the only person in the world. It gets me so turned on." she lets out a slow breath, "It's just infuriating being so *unsure*."
          I ash out my smoke and set his picture down on the nightstand, then turn on my side to face her, "Well hey," I pause to kiss her mouth, "You never know anything unless you try." I kiss her again, running a finger down the curve of her waist, "How will you know about his feelings unless you ask?"
          Dana turns to face me (and I suppose to give better access) and responds to my flirtations with a kiss of her own, "At least I don't have to worry about *your* feelings towards me." she smiles.
          I arch an eyebrow seductively and flip her onto her back, tugging off her panties in one quick motion, "I like to pride myself on being blatant." I mumble, skating my lips teasingly on her abdomen for a sec before diving into the auburn promised land. As I trace the ABC's on her clit and delight in listening to her oh-so-sexy, breathy-moan orchestra, I think about how this Mulder guy has to be the most idiotic guy in the nine planets to not to have tasted this yet. Dana like, seriously has the sweetest tasting pun-tay in the land. Giving her pleasure is akin to eating ice cream sundaes on a hot day, or indulging in an entire bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup by yourself. I also love the fact that it doesn't take her a billion years to get off, either. I've barely reached M and already I can feel her start to shudder. No worrying about mouth cramps with this one.
          I assist her O with a couple of fingers curved in just the right way 'round climax time. Score. She's so far gone her hips lift at least a foot off the mattress as her vaginal walls contract around my fingers.
****************************************************************************************************************
          The rest of the day went kick ass, starting with lunch and games at Chuck E. Cheese, then driving out to the desert to shoot at cans with my baby (a beautiful solid black Glock-9) and to lie out on the hood of my car and chief while we made out cloud formations in the sky. On the way back we made signs to hold up on the freeway, such as "Have you licked a butt today?", "Bomb Switzerland Now!" and of course, that old standard, "Honk if you got Hormones." We just made it back to my apartment building to get ready for this evening, and that's accompanied with the usual horsing around, of course. Dana's in a fit of giggles; and I'm chasing her with this awkward duck walk and pinching comically at her ass as we make our way up to the front door. I've kept a steady language of "Timmy!" up with her for the past ten minutes also, so we're growling "Timmy!" at each other back and forth, nonstop. We've been having such a badass time today! Dude, I am just so glad I could do this for her. Today, she told me that she's never laughed this much in her entire life, and that just makes me feel good.
          I get her cornered at my door and press her up against it, pinning her arms above her head and growling into her neck, "Timmy! Blarglalaa, Tim-Mar!" as she reciprocates, alternating "Timmy!" with a stream of uncontrolled giggles.
          "Heya, Scully." I hear a male voice say in a choked manner not two secs after Dana abruptly stops laughing.
          I stop what I'm doing, un-pin her, and spin around. Oh, goatlord. It's her boy.
          "Oh...fuckme." Dana sighs under her breath, "Mulder, what are you doing here?" Wow. Her tone is so commanding. It kind of turns me on.
          Damn. He looks even more pimp in person, wearing a pair of jeans, a tight t-shirt, and lightweight leather jacket. Oop, and I can't forget the shades. He clears his throat, "Scully, I am sorry that I'm horning in on your vacation, clearly I'm in the way. I was just worried, considering our history; you haven't had your cell phone on, and your brother's wife told me you were staying at this number..."
          "So what?" Dana cut him off, "Did you think I was in danger and needed saving? Mulder, did you stop and think that maybe I wanted a vacation apart from *you*? Why do you think I decided to come here instead of staying at my brother's where you would call every single day? Can't you get a fucking clue, already?" Dude, she's so harsh! True, his manner *was* cold; but damn. They have some phat sexual tension going on, though. I totally know what she was saying earlier; I mean, even though they're being mean to each other, they're staring with these "do me" gazes that are off the fuckin' hook! Ooh, drama.
          Dana storms into my building, leaving Mulder standing on my stoop with this adorably sad puppy-wuppy look on his face. He turns to walk away, and I feel compelled to do something.
          "Hey dude, wait up!" I say, running after him, "You're Mulder, Dana's partner? We haven't been intro-ed, for obvious reasons. I'm Pepper."
          "How do you do?" Wow, he's taxing *my* gig hardcore. I was so right. He's as much in love with her, vice-versa! I love when I'm right.
          "Dude, no need to get pissy, although I do understand your deal. I mean, I invaded your territory, it's totally natch." I say.
          He snorts, "You're *not* invading my 'territory'..."
          "Like hell I'm not, dude! Look, I just met you and whatever, and quite seriously I haven't known Dana all that long either, but if two people ever belonged to each other, it's y'all. Sho' nuff." I crack.
          I see a grin peek through his facade, "What makes you think so? Like you said, you just met me and you barely know her."
          I hold up my hand, "I didn't say I 'barely' know Dana. I just said I haven't known her long. I'm an actor, so it's kinda my job to figure out people, and Dana...She's such an overall brilliant human being, and she's loads and loads of fun..."
          "Loads of fun? We're talking about the same Dana Scully?" he jokes. Yup, he's warming up, folks. They always do.
          "Totally fun! She just hasn't ever, in probably her entire *life*, been able to express herself. I'm just helping her let loose for a bit, you know, like partying and going nuts. Shit of that general nature." I explain, "That includes exploring options."
          "Like making out with other women in public?" he snaps, taking off his shades to reveal his jealous peepers.
          I motion for him to sit next to me on the stoop, and reach into my slate blue cargo capri's for my pack of Camels. He complies and I light one up, "Look man, I'm gonna be straight with you, because you're a seemingly decent guy, from what I've gathered. I like Dana. A lot, actually. She's ideal to mine eyes, ears, everything, so to speak. And she smells delish. But we're just having fun. I mean, how can she fully eat my lunch if she's already got it for someone else, homefry? Oh hey, I got some beers in my trunk. Y'ant one?" I say, darting up and over in one of my bursts of ADD over to my car.
          "Sure." he follows me, "I'm sorry, I'm not following. What do you mean, Scully already has it for someone else?" he asks as I unearth a couple Coronas and hand him one, "Thanks."
          "Wow, for a psychologist, you suck with people. She's totally butt over you, guy! As in *crazy*. She even told me so." I say, swigging my beer and raising a knowing eyebrow.
          "Wait," he says after nearly choking on his swallow, "She told you that she wants me?"
          "In no uncertain terms, yes. Dana also let on that she had abso-fucking-lutely no idea how you feel about her, and maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, but I have a massive hunch that you feel the same way she does. If I'm wrong though, if you let on that I *ever* disclosed any of this to you, I will totally hunt you down and go Xena on your ass." I expel in a barrage of words, then take another swig of my beer.
           He lets out a full-blown laugh and I look at him. I have never seen a dude look happier than this one does right now, "No, you're right. I love her." he smiles, "I was just too scared she'd leave me if I told her."
           "I think the both of you dwell way too much." I comment, "Maybe you guys should just give it up and do each other, already."
           "Hey Pepper," Mulder laughs, "You're a bit of alright."
           "So I'm told. Look, do you wanna go upstairs? I got the hook on damage control." I offer.
           "I think that's a good idea." he says, albeit a little shakily. Awwww! He's nervous! Pimp *and* a sweetie. Dana has lucked out in the dude department, totally.
           We traverse with booze in hand up to my casa and find Dana a bit blurry-eyed on my purple velvet beanbag in my living room. She stares at him in such a way, if *I* had a dick, it would shrivel and run for cover.
           I give her a chiding look before she says something stupid, "Hey Dana, I just got through talking with Mulder and he has something he'd like to talk to you about." I say slowly in my shut-up-and-listen-'cause-this-is-important tone of voice.
           She shoots me a 'what did you do?' glance as Mulder pipes up, "ScullyI'minlovewithyou." he blurts, "That's why I was so cold out there. I saw you out there with Pepper, and I panicked. I was jealous, if that makes any sense."
           "So why did you wait for so long?" she asks quietly.
           I flop on my couch and start rolling a J, just watching the dramatic conclusion to this adorable live action love story. Might as well get comfy.
           "How am I different from you, Scully?" he chuckles.
           "You told him everything, didn't you, Pepper?" she realizes.
           "Not *everything* girl. Just the imperative shit. You were breaking his heart, the poor thing, so I just...reassured him." I say, sparking my bone, "Less talk, more action, you two. If you don't kiss each other soon, I'm busting out my gun."
           Dana stands and starts moving towards Mulder, who meets her halfway and like, immediately hugs her. One of those really long, romantic hugs, too. He pulls back and cups her beautiful face, just staring and smiling, "I really do love you." he says serenely.
           "Well, I really do love you." she answers.
           Then they kiss.
           This is the most sweet, darling, five-hanky moment going on in my living room right now! I'm completely verklempt, of course. I must look like such the sight, tears running down my face, still trying to hit my bone even as I sob. They break away from each other when I can hold my "Awwwwww!" no longer, and start giggling.
           "Thanks for not making me bust out my gun." I say, wiping my tears.

                    Epilogue

           So all’s well that ends well. *I* didn't end up getting the girl, but that's okay. I can't think of a more decent couple, really. They stayed in L.A. at my pad for the rest of Dana's vay-cay, and we showed Mulder the finer points of partying before they went back to D.C. to be automatons of the U.S. government. At least I've got some homies on the inside, at any rate. We still keep in touch, and they're still totally butt for each other; every time I call, they're attached. Oh, and as for me...well, I'll be starring in the new indie with a freshly divorced Angelina Jolie. Rock on! So everything in the end kicks mad ass, and I'll wrap it up with this quote: "Tis a far, far better thing to do stuff for other people, or some junk." Timmy!

                  fin
Author's Notes: Yet another story that I wrote when I was a young lesbian party girl, desperately in love with Dana Scully. Obviously, I stopped writing the Mary Sue stories after I switched genres and started writing primarily for Friday the 13th: The Series, but this tale will always have a place in my heart for being such a magnifying glass on my life back then. Some things were fictionalized, but personality and character and the antics that Scully and I get into were most def all me back in the deal-y-o, on the riz-eal.
"Slim with the tilted brim, what's my motherfuckin' name?"  ~Snoop Dogg "Who Am I (What's my Name?)"
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