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You're not even trying!	By : LuluDreams Category: G through L > Gossip Girl Views: 32 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer I don't own anything but my crazy ideas, everything belongs to the amazing Cecily Von Ziegesar and the TV authors

Chapter List
- 1-I Out of the comfort zone
- 1
Setting: Alternate season 5 around Halloween where Dan and Blair are already together (the wedding with Louis, Blair’s pregnancy, etc. never happened because they got together long before it)
Pairing: Dair
Written for the Prompt: ‘Dair halloween custome party o something like that’ by anon on Tumblr
Warning: tiny bit of smut, because they just can’t resist to each other lol
Important: The underlined ‘... ‘ part is Gossip Girl’s voice over or posts/blasts, just like it happens in episodes.
Even more important: if you have still to watch the whole show and ignore who Gossip Girl is, DON’T read this, click the exit button now! XD

As always, an Endless THANK YOUUUU to my wonderful Beta Dewale https://www.fiverr.com/s/Ayel8zR Dewale for his help and support <3

I: Out of the comfort zone

Good afternoon, Upper East Siders!
I really love Autumn and the colours it brings on the leaves.
Orange, like all those pumpkins waiting to have evil sneers carved on them.
Yellow, like the eyes of the vampires, the werewolves and every other kind of horror monster hiding in the darkness.
Red, like the blood dripping from every possible creepy decoration inside and outside the buildings.
Yes, it’s that time of the year again: it’s Halloween.
Okay, Halloween is in ten days, but oooohh, the thrill of anticipation!
And speaking of thrill, is there something scarier than a pissed off girlfriend when she doesn’t think the same way her partner does?

“I should do WHAT and WHERE?!” Blair yells, beyond being shocked, disgusted and deeply disappointed.

“Could you please scream just a little louder? I’m afraid they didn’t hear you in Queens.” Her boyfriend strikes back.

“Dan-damn-you- Humphrey, your sarcasm is the last thing I need right now!” She rolls her eyes, deciding that at least she needs to sit on the comfy grey sofa of the Humphreys' loft.

They are alone there, so there’s no need to go to Dan’s room to argue.

Because that’s what they are doing right now.

“You’re missing the point.” She speaks again, crossing her legs, her elegant, slender, extra luxury manicured fingers drumming on her knee.

“And what would the point be?” He stares at her, as skeptical as he can, crossing his arms at his chest, deciding to remain standing in the living room.

It makes it easier for him to argue from that position and that pose.

“That I have already thought about the perfect Halloween Party.” She purrs, trying to lure him in her perspective.

“I’m scared to hear about that and I don’t mean scared in the cool Halloween sense!” He barks, not at all willing to give in.

“At the New York Botanical Garden. A whole night, soaking up in the magic atmosphere of the 50’s!” She exposes her idea.

“Bo-ring!” Dan replies, pretending to cough. “Don’t get me wrong, love, but with you every single day is in the 50’s!”

“I beg your pardon?” Blair startles, taking off her left shoe and caressing the stiletto. “I have a Jimmy-Choo and I’m not afraid to use it!”

Dan chuckles.

“Would you really hit me with that?”

“Sure I will, if you don’t stop talking nonsense!” She glares at him.

“Okay, let me explain myself better.”

“Yeah, I guess you should.” She nods, putting her shoe on again.

He sits close to her.

“With your elegance, your finesse, your accessories, your well-thought-out outfits, your love for a bygone era that yet still lives within you; you make me live in the 50’s every single day I have the honor to spend with you.” He beams, holding her hands in his and reaching out to give her a kiss she just can’t refuse.

“Damn the undeniable dexterity you have with words, Dan Humphrey!” She protests with a not so well hidden smile.

“And this is awesome, I love it and everything, but… at least for Halloween we need something different, more in line with that creepy atmosphere.” He goes on with his argument, getting up again.

“But, Daaaan! A fleabag in Brooklyn… and dressed in such a poor way!” She whines.

“It’s not a fleabag, it’s a grunge bar. And it’s not a poor way to dress, it will be fun. I mean, imagine you and I as dark punk rockers, the darker, the better.” He points out.

“Humhprey, do you really think you’re convincing me this way?” Blair retorts.

“Plus, there will be a rock band playing there, and they’ll have such cool zombie costumes, very realistic, with shreds of skin that will fly around as they get wild on the stage!” Dan explains, all triggered.

“Eeewwww, I don’t want to be touched by any shreds of skin, fake or not!” She yelps, desperate.

Dan just bursts out laughing.

“Oh, c’mon, Blair, I was just kidding and you bought it so easily!”

Blair seems to regain hope in humanity, or at least in her boyfriend.

“So, it was all a charade…” She sighs with relief.

“Nope, I mean only the shreds of skin part was a joke; actually the band will be dressed as witches and wizards. But the rest is more than real!” He strikes back, dodging just in time the shoe that Blair has taken off and thrown at him in record time.

“My darling, you’re so predictable,” Dan chuckles, politely returning the shoes -turned into a weapon - back to his girlfriend. “And I don’t mean just the shoe-toss.”

“Huh?” Blair stares at him, puzzled.

Which makes Dan sneer with pride.

“Haven’t you checked ‘Gossip Girl’ lately? I’ve posted about half an hour before you came here.”

She glances at her phone.

A few months before, Dan has taken the biggest risk of his life, deciding to reveal to Blair the true identity of Gossip Girl.
As it’s easy to guess, at first Blair has been furious at him; then she has figured out that what Dan had done was the ultimate proof of love and trust.
Not to mention how thrilled she was to be the only one in the whole Upper East Side to know and keep such a juicy secret.
The only one in the Upper East Side, but not in the extended area.
Because, of course, also Dan’s little sister, Jenny, knows it; but like it or not Blair and Jenny have shared a certain millionaire guy two years earlier, what’s a little secret in comparison?

Blair quietly puts the mobile back in her bag and lifts from the sofa, walking towards her boyfriend.

“So, you think you know me so well…” She says, poking the center of his chest with her index.

Dan nods with a cheeky attitude.

“So well that I can already write the next blast: ‘Spotted: B running away from Brooklyn, in order to set everything ready for the reassuring Halloween at the New York Botanic Garden. There’s nothing to be blamed for, B, we all know how getting out of the comfort zone must be hard.’ “

“Well, you know what? You and Gossip Girl can kiss my perfectly round ass, because I’m gonna do this thing: you and me as kitsch punkstars at the grunge so called bar!” She takes him off guard.

“Really?” He stares at her, puzzled. “Without you planning any revenge or wanting my head on a silver plate… or any other part of my body?”

She shakes her head negatively and chuckles.

“I’ve taken this decision without even a shred of anger in me.” She states, as she caresses his hair in such a tender way he almost purrs. “And to prove it to you I’m gonna stay here to make sweet, sweet love with you.”

He smiles, before kissing her.

“So I’ll get the perfect chance to kiss your perfectly round ass.” He grins against her lips.

“Pig!” She playfully slaps him on the cheek. “Anyway, you aren’t getting any closer to me until you don’t have a good and proper shower.” She grimaces, sniffing him.

“What?” He frowns.

“Humphrey, you smell like someone who struggled all day to find a way to end the chapter of his next book, without succeeding.”

“Which I did, for the record. The struggling part, I mean, not the succeeding one.” He scoffs, with intellectual honesty. “Anyway, it’s not something nice to say to someone.”

He really sounds insulted.

“Oh, honey, you certainly don’t love me because I’m nice!” She strikes back, as she gently pushes him towards the bathroom.

Only when she hears the water running, Blair moves to Dan’s bedroom, confidently.

So confidently, that, before setting her plan in motion, she even takes her time for some quick glance from the half open door, through the opaque glass of the shower.
The naked silhouette of her boyfriend is a show that can hardly tire her.

When Dan is back, wearing only a towel, slightly loose around his waist, he delightfully finds out that Blair is waiting for him, laying on his bed, utterly naked; the only thing covering her is the book Dan kept on his bedside table now open on her lap.

“You’re such a vision…” he moans, reaching her.

“Yeah, I know, I try my best.” She shrugs, making him chuckle. “So, do you wanna read me?”

Regardless it’s a precious and rather fragile first edition, Dan grabs the book and throws it on the floor, taking every possible advantage of her.

Eating her out is probably his favorite hobby.

And Blair enjoys every minute of it.

Right before yanking the towel off Dan and repaying him for all his attention.

She definitely has a thing for his taste.

Both of these things bring them to have a savage rendezvous under the sheets.

Once they’re done, Blair picks her stuff and goes to the bathroom.

With Blair’s flavour still on his tongue, his lips and his fingers that he’s sucking, Dan opens his laptop, only to make a bitter discovery, in total contrast with the sweetness of that moment.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Blair hears her boyfriend curse in his room.

She’s already dressed and ready to flee, but Dan is faster and blocks her on her way out, closing the door behind them.

“Blair, sweetheart, by any chance did you mess around with my laptop?” He asks his girlfriend and his sugary tone is clearly a red flag.

“I don’t know, define better ‘mess around’,” She strikes back with fake innocence.

“Did you change the password of ‘Gossip Girl’ so know I’m locked out of my own fucking portal?” He glares at her.

“Hell yeah I did, while you were in the shower!” She smirks proudly. “And then I could just walk away undisturbed. Instead I remained… damn your irresistible fresh shampoo hair!” She coaxes a reluctant smile from him, despite his pissed off mood.

“But… Blair! How could you do that?” He groans.

“I’m gonna do this stupid Halloween thing for you, am I not? I can’t have anyone spy on my moves and inform Gossip Girl; so, les jeux sont faits, mon amour!”

“Don’t you dare use your oh so sexy French on me, I’m still very mad at you!” He growls.

“And I don’t give a damn. Gossip Girl is going to take a long nap, whether you like it or not, at least until Halloween. After all, it’s not the first time she disappears for a while and surely it won’t be the last.”

“At least would you bother to explain how you managed to find the password?” He tries to calm down, his hand holding his temples.

“Well, first I’ve tried with ‘Blair’ but, c’mon, you couldn’t ever be so sappy and predictable.” She makes him smile.

“Mainly because it’s too short as a password.” He retorts.

“So I’ve tried with the date of our very first kiss, it would still be a bit sappy, but more intricate; but it didn’t work as well.” She rolls her eyes. “Then I’ve tried with the date of the first night we had wild, wild sex and… Bingo! And that’s the kind of sappy spicy romantic I love.” She winks at him.

Despite everything, Dan kisses her.

“Funny thing: it was just the day after the first kiss, for the simple reason that we happened to kiss at the MET, in front of that Monet, and we took our time enjoying the rest of the night before the grand final in my room.” He murmurs, caressing her shoulders.

“Such a night to remember!” She grins, ruffling his hair.

“You know, Blair, now I’m at a crossroads. I could spend hours on the computer, trying to figure out the new password, and trust me, I would manage to find it.”

“Or…?” She anticipates him.

“Or I could use this time to just let you win and focus on more interesting activities.”

“Such as?” She raises her eyebrow.

He grabs her hand.

“Go back to my bedroom and recreate the atmosphere of that special first night.” He offers.

“How could I say no to such an intriguing activity?” She slowly licks her upper lip.

“On one condition.” He warns her.

“If it’s about revealing you the new password, you can just forget it!” She snaps.

He chuckles, shaking his head.

“It’s not that. Just use your oh so sexy French on me!”

She giggles.

“Oh well, we were staring at a Monet, there must have been some French for sure!”

“Oh. And Blair?”

“Yeah?”

“Fresh news for you. Also Brooklyn has a beautiful Botanical Garden, okay it’s smaller than the New York one, but lovely, indeed. I should take you there sometime.” He says, as he’s already unzipping her orange, red and yellow dress. “Don’t you find it funny? Your dress has the very same colours of the things I wrote in my last blast.”

“It’s just a pure coincidence!” She scoffs, getting rid of his dark grey T-shirt.

“It’s the umpteenth proof of how connected we are, my love.”

“Less sappiness, more sex!” She strikes back, pushing him down on the bed and straddling him.

“However the Brooklyn Botanic Garden surely sounds more appealing than the fleabag bar.”

He pushes her away, switching roles

“Blair, it’s time you learn to love Brooklyn a tiny bit more...”

“I’m already loving one of its citizens a lot; ain’t it already enough?” She makes him smile, grabbing him by the still a little wet hair for a passionate kiss.

“I guess it can suffice for now.” He murmurs, as his fingers softly scrape her hips.

“Très bien, mon amour!” She triggers him.

------------------------------------------------

Her hair and half face are covered inside a big, long grey Louis Vuitton shawl.
A pair of big black Gucci sunglasses hide the rest of her face.
That’s how Blair is wandering around the Brooklyn Flea DUMBO, under Manhattan Bridge.
Not that in Brooklyn people stay 24/7 holding their mobiles, ready to take compromising pictures, but prudence is never enough.

The more she inspects all those market stalls, the more she feels like a Superman exposed to kryptonite.

The only thing that gives her the strength to do such a thing is the text message Dan has sent her at early morning.

‘Good morning, my love. Just three days before the big event. What about a little mutual costume rehearsal? At my place at 5:00 p.m.? D ‘

Of course, she will agree, but there’s only a little problem: it’s Midday and she still has no costume.

She’s fumbling through a pile of clothes.
Sure, she would prefer doing that using a long pair of pincers, but that would risk being too showy.

Out of the blue, she hears the unmistakable click of someone taking a photo.
She turns abruptly and through her dark sunglasses glares at the unknown girl who had the braveness of framing her.

Maybe a Brooklyner who aims to become part of the Upper East Side, maybe an infiltrated, maybe both.

Okay, someone might even have managed to recognize her despite her flawless disguise, but this doesn’t seem to upset Blair, not even a bit.

- My poor deluded girl, there’s no real damage you can do to me with that pic; let’s just say that the addressee is not available at the moment!- She shrugs, going on with her mission.

And when after half an hour Blair is about to give in, a dress catches her attention.

A few minutes later, said Superman is leaving the Flea DUMBO holding her bag of kryptonite as far as she can from her, while she’s busy texting her answer with her free hand.

‘Mutual costume rehearsal seems such a great idea that I’m wondering why I didn’t suggest it first. See ya later, love. B’

---------------------------------------------

Blair reaches the Humphreys’ loft, confiding in her surprise effect, thanks to her long white coat that entirely covers her outfit.

But once Dan opens the door, she realizes she actually is the astonished one.

Her boyfriend is standing in front of her, wearing a pair of white sneakers and a pair of light blue jeans, a little ripped.
So far, nothing so shocking.
But then she glances at his long white T-shirt with something in the middle that looks like gashes with some drops of blood, covered by a black, half waist leather jacket with zips and studs.
Not to mention his three days of unkempt beard.

How to describe him in just three words?

- Sexy as hell. - Muses Blair, unable to take her eyes off of him.

“Who are you and what did you do to my bookworm boyfriend?” She decides to speak, stealing a smile from him.

“Impressive, right?” He smirks. “And just wait for the final touches with hair and some make up.”

“Make up?” She stares at him, puzzled.

“To be Jenny’s brother must have taught me something.” He chuckles. “But let’s stop talking about this; can’t wait to find out what you have in store for me.”

Saying that, he walks closer to her, unbuttoning her coat rather eagerly.

“Let’s see if there’s some gothic style, of some emo style, or some skulls or…” He goes on, reaching the last button, but when he opens the coat he’s not rewarded with his expectations.

“I chose properly, didn’t I?” Blair beams, eager to please him in her short bright white, strapless dress.

“But… Blair! You look practically as your usual self.” Dan groans, his tone dropping disappointment.

“My usual self?!” Blair repeats, with a nervous laugh. “Humphrey, I would never wear such a cheap dress, of some unknown fabric; I bought it at… stalls at an open-air market in Brooklyn .. oh , god, I guess I need my smelling salts…”She pretends she’s about to fall on the floor, but he’s ready, taking her in his arms.

“Exaggerate much?” He stares at her in disbelief, right before throwing her on the couch, unceremoniously.

“Hey!” She snaps, getting up to reach her coat. “You should just appreciate the things I’m willing to do for you. And look, I have a mic, too!” She proudly draws a silver microphone out of the pocket, posing like a pop star.

Dan only glares at her, his arms crossed against his chest, his gaze extremely unimpressed.

“And I haven’t washed my hair in two days. This is very punk, too!” She clearly doesn’t want to give in and admit her epic fail.

“Geez, Blair, you’re not even trying! This is not even remotely punk!” He retorts.

“Which part of the stalls at an open-air market did you miss?” She insists.

However, Dan knows very well how to play his trump card.

“I knew I was turning to the wrong person; Serena would really get in the spirits of the party! Maybe I should ask her instead!”

Truth must be said: Serena has found true happiness with a finally free from trouble Carter and their relationship after more or less one year couldn’t be more consolidated.
Which is what brought Serena to lightheartedly accept that her first important love and her best friend got together.

Anyway, no matter how happy and in love Serena can be, Blair always prefers her not to get too close to Dan.

“Say no more, Humphrey! See ya at the stupid party. I’m gonna astonish you, this time for real!” She solemnly swears.

“You better be right.” He mutters.

- A tiny bit of jealousy always works!- He ponders, proud of his shrewdness.

He has eyes only for Blair, of course, but he can’t resist teasing his girlfriend a little bit.

“And I will. On my way to fix things!” She strikes back, wearing her coat again. “Sure, unless you don’t want me to stay here for a while, having some fun.” She throws her best sexy gaze at him

He sniffs at her, getting his more than deserved revenge.

“With you, not washing your hair for two days? I don’t think so, my love!” He walks her to the exit, making her cross the threshold, before shutting the door in her face.

Blair must count to ten not to lose her aplomb.
No one can slam a door in her face, let alone her boyfriend.

- Enjoy your temporary victory, Dan; I’m going to impress you so much your eyes will pop out of their orbits next time you see me… which would definitely fit Halloween. - She ponders as she crosses the street.

There’s only a person who could help her with that, a person even her boyfriend mentioned before.
She holds her phone tight as she makes that out of her comfort zone decision.

- It’s time to temporary let a little hyena out of her cage!-

--
TBC

Notes:

I guess you can figure out what’s going to happen in the next and last part ;P
I could or couldn’t write one day the fic about their first kiss in front of a Monet, as I could or couldn’t write the missing moment when Dan reveals to Blair he is Gossip Girl.
I know that Dan might sound very cocky here, maybe telling Blair the truth about him could make him hate himself a little less than he does in the show, that’s it ;P
About Dan’s costume, it’s since -AKA just a few months ago- I’ve seen the AMAZING ‘Touch’ video by MOTHXR (which is also the answer why they called Penn for the role of Joe Goldberg, I know I’m right! XDD ) that I knew I had to use that outfit somehow… What more perfect occasion than Halloween? ;PIf you haven’t yet, go watch that VEVO video now!!

Hope you’ll like it so far and had fun, I surely had picturing the whole thing, LOL Feel free to tell me anything, kudos and mostly comments make my day ^^
and, if you please, let's get in touch on Tumblr ^^ : https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sneak-into-mooneys
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