This is not what we agreed to!

This is not what we agreed to!

Dan loves writing in Blair’s penthouse, for many reasons.

The main one, of course, is that sleeping with Blair also means to wake up with her.

And they usually start the day making sweet love as if the wild previous night wasn’t enough.
The second reason: it gives him the oh so compelling sensation that he belongs to Upper East Side.
Sure, Blair has lots of fun teasing him about being a Brooklyn guy, but unlike Serena she never made him feel inferior due to that.
The third reason might sound silly, but he’s grateful that there’s not the persistent waffles aroma that always wafts around Humphreys’ loft.
And speaking of food brings to the fourth reason: Dorota grows so fond of him that she has the habit of bringing him some of his favorite dishes.

And it’s happening even now.

“After all this frantic writing you need energy; Lonely Boy. Here, have some pancakes with berries and greek yogurt.
 

“Thank you, Dorota, I guess I’ll take a break to enjoy this.”

“Tell me, Mr. Dan, any chance that one of the characters has a trained and caring housekeeper?” She ventures to ask.

Dan chuckles.
 

“Who knows? It could happen.” He winks at her, as he takes the first forkfuls. “Oh my! God bless your hands!”

Dorota has two reasons to cheer, all flattered.

“This is just the perfect day to write. The rain outside, the quiet it brings… I mean, I would have spent the whole morning with Blair, but she’s busy with her interview…”

Dan doesn’t even have the time to finish his sentence, when they hear a loud thud, coming from the next room.

Just the one where Blair is having the interview.

Dan places the plate with the rest of the pancakes on the table.

“I guess I’ll go to check on her…” He mumbles.

“THIS IS NOT WHAT WE AGREED TO!” He and Dorota hear Blair snapping.

“In a rush!” Dan adds, running away.

He enters the room in time to snatch the stapler from Blair’s hand before she throws it at the poor, scared journalist, who miraculously dodged the Columbia University yearbook she has thrown at him in the first place.

That’s the thud they heard.

“Blair, please, calm down!”

“I’m extremely calm, Dan; it’s this guy who apparently doesn’t know how to do his job, because he asked me something very off-limits and he’s well aware of that!” She growls.

“Oh, c’mon, Miss Waldorf, former Mrs. Grimaldi, it was only an innocent question!” The journalist justifies.

“I’ll show you innocence!” She glares at him, then she seems to calm down. “On second thought, if you stay I can give you a really juicy scoop.” Blair says, so accommodating that Dan wonders if he should keep holding her still or let her go.

“Really?” The journalist reaches for her.

“Yes, the scoop about how I ended up in jail after I brutally attacked a way too nosy journalist: you!” She snaps, trying to grab the stapler again, but Dan is faster.

Not so fast as the journalist who runs away for his life.

“I’m not so sure if now I want to read the article he’s going to write about me.” She grumbles, as Dan finally lets her go.

“So, from stapler stealer to stapler thrower? You are starting to worry me, honey.” He sighs, stealing a smile from her, as he’s holding her hands.. “Do you care to tell me what happened?”

“Well, you know that I’m trying to reinvent myself, don’t you? And this ‘Influential women’s daughters’ interview seemed like such a nice idea.” Blair starts her report. “And everything was going so well, until that journalist so subtly shifted the focus from the main topic to the damn Monaco issue!”

“Well, not very nice from him.” Dan grumbles.

“You’re telling me! Maybe I can still reach him downstairs and teach him a good lesson.”

Blair is about to rush outside, but Dan manages to stop her in time.

“Easy, lioness!” He chuckles, holding her still, as he massages her shoulders.

Blair turns behind, to look at him.

“So what? Are you going to dress like a lion tamer to tame me with a whip? C’mon, it could be so much fun!” She clicks her tongue.

This triggers in Dan’s mind tons of erotic scenarios.

After all, they went to see ‘Cats’ a few nights before and he already has several fantasies about a feline Blair since then.

“Please, honey, don’t give me kinky ideas…”

“But I like it kinky!” She winks at him, taking him by the hand and leading him to the desk.

She kisses him and of course he kisses her back, and things heat up so much that Dan barely realizes he’s leaning down with his back against the desk.
His bare back, for the record, because his T-shirt mysteriously ended on a shelf.

Also Blair’s dress, as much mysteriously, ended on an armchair and now she’s on top of her boyfriend, wearing only a black and blue lingerie.

“Wait a minute… we didn’t lock the door!” Dan attempts to protest, before Blair’s hands pull the zipper of his jeans down and reach spots that incapacitate his rationality.

“Told you that I like it kinky.” She sneers. “So kinky that the nosy journalist could come back any time and get the hottest, scandalous scoop of all his life!”

As one hand is skillfully dealing with Dan’s virility, the other pinches his left nipple, and she bends over to kiss him; also to muffle his moans.

“Okay, I doubt the journalist will come back, but let me remind you that Dorota is in the room next to this one, where it’s very easy to hear any… noise.” He protests, between kisses, as he deals with Blair’s complicated bra and wins.

“Well, Dorota surely knows when it’s time to keep doing her chores while she listens to music, with her headphones on.” Blair counters, as her hands travel all over Dan’s body.

His boxers are the only thing he’s still wearing, not for long.

Dan cups Blair’s boobies, kind of possessively, narrowing his eyes at her.
 

“Is it because she’s learnt to do that, when you and Chuck were...”

Blair promptly covers Dan’s mouth with her hand.
 

“Hush, Humphrey. Don’t ask questions, just enjoy the moment!”

She crawls over him, placing soft bites along his neck and right shoulders, tracing his chest, abdomen and belly with soft kisses.
Dan shivers beneath her, in anticipation. He knows what’s about to come.
And ‘come’ is just the proper word.

Finally, his boxers reach the floor as well and Blair doesn’t lose time, grabbing the object of her desires and placing soft kisses on its tip.
This sends a jolt of pleasure to Dan.
She licks, sucks, kisses and even gently nibbles her way, pausing once in a while, just to see Dan’s very pleased expressions.
She loves to check the way she makes him feel.
She’s a control maniac, after all.
And Dan is simply putty in her hands.
More like marble in her hands, judging how much he’s enjoying the moment.

She doesn’t bring him to the point of no return, just because she wants that to happen once he’s inside her.
Just hearing his moans and groans made her so horny for him she doesn’t even need any preparation.
She just gets rid of her panties and sinks into him, eagerly, right before riding him.

She welcomes every thrust of his, adjusting to his rhythm, begging for more, not with words, only with her look.
And Dan can always read her like an open book.
He gives her all she wants, the way she wants it, until she can’t hold on anymore and comes with his name on her lips.
It’s just what it takes to Dan to follow her into the oblivion, a few seconds after.

They seal the moment with a long, slow, sweet kiss, while he’s still inside her.

“Huh! Someone should invent desk sex pillows…” Dan grumbles when they part, laboriously getting up from the desk.
Truth is that his heart is too busy singing joyfully to mind his aching back.

“It’s your problem, not mine, actually I was very comfy!” She grins, as they get dressed.

“The sex was amazing, Blair, but I can’t help noticing how stressed you are these last days.” He looks at his girlfriend, concerned.

“Well, I assure you that sex is a very good way to relieve my stress!” She winks at him.

“I know, but I wish I could do more…” He sheepishly smiles at her, his mind already elaborating a specified plan.

“As long as you don’t mess up with my life too much, Humphrey.”

“Do you trust me?” He walks closer to her.

“Of course, I don’t!” She laughs, giving a peck on his lips.

“I guess I should go back to work now…” He mutters, heading to the threshold.

“And I’ll have to find another way to reinvent myself!” She sighs, flipping through a magazine.

Dan reaches his laptop and sees Dorota is still there, dusting the shelf.

Her headphones on the desk, which means she did listen to music.

“It seems you had a really good time with Miss Blair...”  she says with a knowing smile.

If his messier hair isn’t already a clue, the T-shirt he’s now wearing inside-out is clear evidence of what must have happened in that room.

And Dan figures it out too late.
 

“Damn!” He curses, feeling awkward, before going to fix himself.

Once he’s back he reads the last paragraphs he wrote.

- It was supposed to be a chapter full of introspection; but if I go on right now it would turn into a very explicit one! - He ponders, closing the laptop.

After all, he has something else to do.
Something that requires some phone calls… and some little help from Dorota.

------------------------------------------ 

“Rise and shine, my dear!” A very grinning Dan wakes his girlfriend up.

A very grumpy Blair barely opens just one eye to see her alarm clock is indicating 5:00 a.m..

“Are you nuts, Humphrey? I don’t shine for anyone at this time of the day… or of the night.” She turns and buries her head under the pillow.

Too bad she has a very determined boyfriend.

He abruptly deprives her of the sheets.

“What the…”

“Oh, c’mon, Blair, I promise it will be worth our early start! We’re going on a little journey.” He helps her get up and pushes her to the bathroom.

He’s already washed and dressed, for the records.

“Fine. Just tell me how I have to dress!” Blair grumbles from the closed door.

“Nothing too classy; it’s going to be a very chill out experience, as you can judge by my jeans and white T-shirt.” Dan advises her. “Maybe just take a jacket, it might get colder. I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

And when she reaches him, he definitely approves the white dress with red poppies she chose to wear.

When they reach the exit Blair is quite surprised to see a dark blue Audi A4 parked in front of them, even more so when she sees Dan opening it.

“Why that face? ‘Inside’ got me enough money to rent a cool car. No more Dad’s dorky, old car.” He opens the car door to her, letting her in.

“Oh. At least that's good news.” She coldly comments, not to really show how impressed she is.

But Dan does know her.

“I’m sorry. No chauffeur with champagne and flutes. But we can listen to music this time.” He sat at the driver’s seat, setting the car in motion and turning on the display.

“Anything to keep us awake!” She yawns.

“Do you wanna bet you'll like my taste in music?” Dan selects the first song.

And Blair must recognize that his compilation made of Scott Walker, David Sylvian, Tim Buckley and Janice Joplin definitely meets her tastes.

“Well, if the road stays this clear we should be there around Midday.”

“What?! Six hours of driving. This is not a little journey, Humphrey, this is kidnapping!” 

“That’s why we’ll be back tomorrow in the evening.” He informs her. “And before you try to, you can’t call anyone, because your mobile remained at home.”

“WHAT?! This is not what we agreed to! Humphrey, what part of ‘don’t mess up with my life’ wasn’t clear?” She snaps.

Dan stays focused on the road.

“You need a detox from all the sources of stress, honey, and this was the only way.” He explains and his calm only pisses her off more. 

“And you just tell me this NOW?!” Blair roars.

“Of course, since we’re already at Knowlton, there’s no way I’m gonna head back home, we would be too late on our chill out schedule.” Dan retorts smugly and even more calmly.

“But it doesn’t work this way, Humphrey, you can’t do whatever you please, without thinking about consequences! I’m doing anything but chilling out!” She snorts, pressing her fingers against her temples. “I had an important appointment this afternoon, and another one tomorrow morning.”

“Which Dorota is already taking good care of, postponing them for you.” He smirks. “Are you more relieved now?”

“Just a little bit!” She snorts, crossing her arms across her chest and looking in the opposite direction.

Dan just chuckles and keeps driving.

---------------------------------- 

They surely don’t miss topics to talk about -and mostly fight over about - during the ride, but Blair doesn't ask questions about the destination, also because she knows that Dan wouldn’t reveal anything.

But when they cross Buffalo and then Grandyle Village she gets her answer.

“No way, Dan. Did you really take me to…”

“Niagara Falls? Yeah.” He nods, before parking the car.

“I haven’t been here since I was a little girl.” She beams, as they take a walk, hand in hand. “You know, it’s one of those places that make you feel so good and you think: ‘Well, it’s not that far, I can go there whenever I want.’, but then you never find the time’”

Dan pulls her closer to her, as they stare at the breathtaking view from a banister.

“I’m the time you never managed to find.” He whispers, before kissing her.

“And look at what wonderful sunny day we found!” Blair rejoices, staring at the blue sky, enriched by clouds that seem made of soft and white whipped cream.

“We can enjoy our time here, then in the afternoon we have the Maid of the Mist boat tour, we’ll also see the Cave of the Winds and tonight we’ll sleep at …”

“The Red Coach Inn!” She finishes his sentence, as happy as a kid, hugging him tightly.

“Yeah. Seeing the waterfalls from our bedroom… It’s not something that happens every day.” He winks at her.

“Oh, Dan, everything is so perfect!” She kisses him.

“And there’s also a little surprise tonight… but I didn't tell you anything.”

Blair looks at him, full of expectations.

“Ooohhh….”

“No, Blair, it’s NOT the lion tamer costume. Forget it!” He rolls his eyes. “But I promise you’re going to like it.”

“Okay. I trust your word.” She nods.

“So, no more ‘This is not what we agreed to!’?” Dan teases her.

“Quite the contrary. I guess you were right. This was so worthy of some appointments to be postponed. It’s exactly what I need.”

“Then breathe this oh so pure air in, listen to this concert of water, fill your eyes with this beauties of nature; because we have plenty of time to enjoy everything.” He smiles, as they keep walking.

---------------------------------- 

They come back from that eventful day fully satisfied and after a quick shower -that they prefer to enjoy together- they’re ready for the night.

Of course, Blair didn’t expect such a long trip, so she hasn’t brought anything else with her, but Dan has already settled a small suitcase in the trunk of the car.
With Dorota’s help, once more.

That’s why she finds the most fitting outfit for the night: the awesome red dress she had when she had to attend the Cardiac Ball.
Dan surprises her with a cobalt blue jacket and a dark blue damask tie that she never saw before, but they both fit him to a T.

“Oh, I do remember that dress.” He smirks, walking closer to her. “Now I can appreciate it better, and mostly I can kiss you whenever I please, without the risk of breaking someone’s heart.” He brushes a strand of her hair from her face and bends over to kiss her.
 

“Or violate some Monegasque fragile, stupid and very expensive laws.” She giggles, kissing him again.

After a flawless dinner with Filet Mignon, they leave the Red Coach Inn.

“Do you mind a short walk?” Dan asks her, offering his arm.

“I don’t mind anything, with you.” She smiles, linking arms to him.

After about a quarter of an hour, they reach Prospect Point, where they can see the Niagara Falls illuminated by colorful LED lights, like a rainbow.

“Oh Dan, everything feels so magical. And I can’t remember the last time I’ve managed to relax that much.” She beams, clinging to him.

“Glad to hear that.” He kisses her hair.

They just have to wait for about half an hour for Dan’s surprise, but the truth is that they could stay there even a lifetime.

Blair is astonished when she sees the first fireworks.

“But… they don’t do that at this time of the year.” She frowns.

“Here’s my surprise.” He winks at her. “And do you know the best part? Years ago it would be the Van Der Woodsen name doing the miracle… this time it’s only Humphrey’s power. My power.”
 

“Looks like one of the most brilliant young New York bestsellers has been finally taken into account.” She smiles at him. “What did you promise in exchange?”

“I’ll perform a signing of my next best seller here; Alexandra already agreed.” He explains, as he enjoys the show with Blair.

“This is one of the most beautiful nights.” Blair sighs happily.

Dan just nods, hugging her from behind.

“Dan?”

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

Despite the noise of the fireworks, Dan has heard her just fine.

And his heart is pounding so fast that it could pierce his chest.
But he’s just beyond happy to care.

“And I love you, Blair Waldorf, but I guess you already know that.” He displays a crooked smile.

She giggles.
 

 “Yeah, let’s say that Clair confessed it to me.”

“That chatty girl cannot keep a secret!” He pretends to complain and this makes her laugh, right before pulling her for a long, passionate kiss, among the fireworks.

“Dan,” She murmurs against his lips.
 

“Yeah?”
 

“Please, mess up with my life more often!”
 

THE END