Bribing has never tasted sweeter

Bribing has never tasted sweeter

Dan doesn’t even know where to begin from.

Last night the charity gala was so eventful that people almost overheated their mobile by dint of taking pictures and videos.

Dan hears a sudden little noise, but shakes his head, sure that it was only his imagination playing tricks on him.

He’s alone in the loft, so probably it’s just the wind that moved something.

He goes back to focusing on his laptop.

“I can’t believe Penelope kissed Kyle, Jessica’s brother!” exclaims a voice behind his back.

A voice he knows pretty well.

“Blair! What the hell are you doing here?” He snaps, once he recovered from the heart attack she almost gave him.

His immediate reaction is to slam the laptop closed.

“No heels. No jangly pendant or bracelet. Not even one of your swishy headbands. As silent as a ninja.” He comments and she nods proudly.

“I studied my every move flawlessly.” She smirks.

“How did you get inside?”

“I paid a visit to Rufus, told him I wanted to make a nice surprise for my boyfriend and he’s been so nice to lend me his key. After all, he didn't seem to have any rush to leave Lily’s apartment.”

“Very shrewd. Well now you’ll give those keys to me, right before leaving; because I have very much work to do. Well, Gossip Girl has. And you know the rules.” He gently pushes her out of his bedroom.

“Exactly. Too much work to do. Think about how much time you could save if you asked someone trusted to help you.” Blair tries to reason with him.

“But unfortunately I don’t see anyone suitable for the job!” He smiles politely at her as she glares at him.

“Don’t you know that Jessica kept saying she had a gay brother? Maybe to look cooler or to feel a bit more like Serena…” Blair informs him, as he’s making her cross the corridor.

“Huh, really?” Dan grows curious, but changes moods the second after. “Nope, Blair, I said you can’t remain here. But thanks for the precious info.”

“Oh, c’mon, I could help you in so many other ways. Let me have just a quick glance!” 

“No, Blair, do not insist. I’ll do it on my own. I’ll let you know when I’m done.” He opens the front door and makes her cross the threshold.

“Well, Humphrey, don’t be so sure you’ll find me when you look for me again.” She narrows her eyes, leaving in a hurry.

Dan watches her go from the still opened door, as her words sound so jumbled in his mind.

- Was it a threat? Did I piss her off? Were we in the middle of a fight? -

He doesn’t find an answer, but at least not he has all the time he needs to dedicate himself to all those blasts, scoops and scandals.

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Dan hasn’t heard from Blair all day long, but he just assumes it’s typical of being in a fight.
When he doesn’t hear from her even the morning after and figures out her phone is unreachable he starts to worry.
He goes to her place, only to find Dorota informing him that Miss Blair isn’t at home.

He starts a round of phone calls, from Serena - who is happy with Carter way too much to still grieve about the fact that Dan chose Blair over her - to all of her minions, to Nate, not no one can tell him where she is.

That’s why he decides to go to the Waldorf Designs, straight to Eleanor’s office.

“Dan? Can I do something for you?” Eleanor inquiries, sarcasm dripping from her tone, as she stares at him from her desk.

“Eleanor, please, I know I did something that bothered your daughter a lot…”

- No, actually I don’t, since Blair perfectly knows her boundaries about the Gossip Girl issue, so I don’t really know why this upset her so much this time; but welcome to a mature relationship, Lonely Boy,  where you have to swallow your pride and play guilty even when you’re not!-

“But I absolutely need to fix this, so please, tell me where I can find her.” He begs.

“I don’t know what happened between you too and I don’t care. Anyway, Blair left the town yesterday, and I’m surely not gonna tell you where she went.”

“She did.. what?” Dan gasps.

“Now, if you don’t mind, Dan, or even if you do, I have a very important fashion show to set up, so I’d really appreciate it if you went playing the sorrowful boyfriend somewhere else!”

Dan rushes out the building, his mind even more jumbled than before.

- You left town. Rather pissed off. Maybe you would try something to hurt me. But not such a hurtful thing. Please, Blair, be anywhere but not in… Chicago. -

There’s only a way to find out.

As his hand trembles a little, Dan takes his mobile and searches in his phonebook for a contact he hates.

“Humphrey, to what do I owe this obnoxious annoyance?” Chuck’s low voice greets him.

“I’m afraid to ask you, but… is Blair there with you?”

Chuckles from the other side, something that makes Dan even more nervous.

“As tempted as I’d be to torture you and say she is here; nope, Humphrey,”

Dan silently sighs with relief.

“I have no idea of what you did and where she went. I know that Blair sometimes can be…how can I say that properly? Rather difficult to handle, that’s it; but you can’t expect me to give you her instruction handbook, you have to figure it out on your own.”

“I guess I can perfectly handle Blair on my own, thanks for your concern!” Dan counters.

“And don’t forget I’m Chuck Bass, I surely don’t take a dog’s gnawed leftovers. The day Blair decides she wants me back, she’ll have a hard time getting me.”

“That day will never come!” Dan growls.

“I have no interest for that day to come either, Humphrey; not now that I’ve found my Goddess! The reason why I can’t waste my time with you!" Chuck hangs up.

Dan stares at the now black screen, deeply annoyed.

- He just compared you first to a sort of appliance, then to a dog’s leftovers. And something tells me that’s not even the worst thing he said to you or about you. Seriously, Blair, was he supposed to be the greatest love of your life? You deserve so much better, my love; you deserve someone who cherishes every second he has the honor to spend with you. You deserve someone who makes your beauty and temper immortal, in his pages. You deserve me. And you deserve all my heartfelt apologies, once I see you again.- 

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Dan spent all day long wondering wherever Blair could have gone, draining his mental energies out, so much that he fell asleep on the couch.
And it’s there where he wakes up, several hours later, thanks to someone who is insistently knocking at the door.

When he opens that, a part of him wonders if he’s not still dreaming.

“Blair!” He exclaims, in a mixture of joy, confusion… and with a yawn, too.

“Oh, sorry, it looks like I woke you up. It wouldn’t have happened if someone hadn’t confiscated the keys I had so generously got.” She makes him notice, not understanding why he’s hugging her so tight the moment after.

“My love, you’re back. You have no idea how worried I was!”

“I’ve been away only for a couple of days.” She scoffs, but enjoys the hug anyway.

“The longest two days of my life. Oh, Blair, I’m so sorry!”

This time Blair just has to part from him.

“Wait. You’re sorry? And for what?”

Dan feels like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Well. To be honest… It's been days since I’ve been trying to figure out what I have to apologise for. But it must be something serious, if you left in such a hurry, so angry.”

Blair chuckles.

“I was not angry. Do I look angry at you now?” She smiles.

Dan must admit that she seems to be in an eerie good mood.

“But you stormed out, telling me I wouldn’t have found you anymore…”

“Well, did you find me?” She smirks and doesn’t even need his answer. “I was just politely telling the truth. And I was in a hurry, because the thing I needed was not easy to find. I had to go home and do my research… and luckily I found out there was an auction in Los Angeles for that, the day after.”

“An auction for what?” Dan grows more curious than how he is confused.

Blair just ignores his question and goes on.

“You are right, Gossip Girl has boundaries I’m not generally allowed to cross; but nothing prevents me from trying to bribe her. Bribe you.”

Dan chuckles.

“Bribe me? Just how?”

Blair draws out a wooden box from her bag and hands it to him.

“What’s that? Oh, what a cool picture on the top.” Dan admires the artwork.

He loves art of any kind and Blair knows it very well.

“Well, congrats, Dan, you’re owning the artwork of a very talented Ecuadorian artist, something almost unique, since there are only a few hundred copies all around the world.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah. However, the real treasure is not the box, but what’s inside.” She informs him.

And when he opens the box, he stares at her puzzled.

“But… It's a chocolate tablet!”

“Hell no, Humphrey, it’s too reductive calling it just that. Not when it’s made with a cocoa bean so rare it’s on the verge of extinction. So rare that they produce only two hundred tablets every year. Not when it’s aged for at least eighteen months into a barrel. Not when its price ends with three zero and I’m not going to reveal the number ahead!”

“Wait. What?!” Dan stares at her, bewildered.

Blair just shrugs, opening the tablet and breaking it.

“This is not a simple chocolate. This is an unforgettable experience.” 

Saying that, she gently pushes the piece of dark chocolate in Dan’s waiting mouth.

“Ohhh. Oh. Oh, God!” Dan moans in delight, right before pulling her for a kiss that makes her taste the exquisite chocolate as well.

“Now it has the best flavour possible.” He smiles, satisfied, as she feels a little dizzy, due to the intensity of the chocolate and of the kiss.

“So, is it an offer valid enough to make Gossip Girl a little more… flexible about certain boundaries?” She toys with the first buttons of his shirt.

“I guess that before giving you an answer I have to do something about…” He decides, taking the tablet to the counter in the kitchen.

Blair observes him as he fills a pot with water, places it on the stove and puts a smaller pan on it.

Everything is clear when she sees him taking a big knife and a cutting board.

“Humphrey, are you really going to make a tablet of exclusive, delicious, I’m-not-gonna.say-how-many-hundreds expensive chocolate end so quickly? For a banal hot chocolate?”

“First, my hot chocolates are never banal and you know that.” Dan strikes back, as the chopped chocolate melts inside the pan. “Second, I’m thinking of a better use of that.”

His hoarse voice and his gaze already fills Blair with expectation.

Dan grabs her hand and leads her to the table, making her sit on it.

He takes the pan and a pastry brush.
He tugs her large, long sleeve t-shirt in order to bare her shoulder.
He dips the brush in the hot fudge, blowing on it, before smearing it on her shoulder.
The gentle touch, the pleasant warmth, the inebriating aroma.
The way Dan is devouring her with his eyes.
It's a combo who’s driving Blair mad with desire and Dan hasn’t even started yet.

“Daaan..” She pleads.

Dan smiles and bents over her, his lips gently sucking at her shoulder, his tongue licking the delicious melted chocolate, his nose smelling her skin.
Once that spot is perfectly clean, Blair pulls him by the collar of his shirt and gives him a hungry kiss.

As she’s busy kissing him as if that was the last day of her life, she unbuttons his shirt.
Without even asking she takes the pan and the brush and smears a generous dose of warmed hot fudge all over his neck, chin and cheek.

She proceeds, licking it off her way, alternating some nibbles.

They barely realized that they are laying down on the table.

“Blair…. by any chance is this chocolate aphrodisiac?" Dan wonders, breathing heavily beneath her.

“I begin to think so… not that we need help with that!” She chuckles against the crook of his neck.

His hand slips under her T-shirt, but she startles.

“Please, Dan, wait…”

“What’s wrong?” He frowns, but manages to control himself.
 

“Well… the place is! I can’t begin to remind myself that there are high chances that your father and Lily here have… or your father and your mother, long before… “ She grimaces.

Dan immediately parts from her.

“Geez, not a single word more about that or my mind will be filled with scenarios that’s gonna traumatize me!” He grimaces as well. “Plan B, let’s move to my room, I’ve already prevented Cedric from seeing us!”

Blair chuckles.

“You learn fast, love… ooh!” She yelps when he lifts her in his arms, bridal style.

Of course, she’s quick enough to grab the pan and the brush.

When they reach his bed, they donìt waste any time and take each other's clothes off.

Dan turns Blair’s boobs into two appealing chocolate cupcakes and spends a remarkable amount of time enjoying them.
Blair draw a trail from his chest to his belly and further down, but she stops right before things could become too interesting for Dan.

He rises up, questioning her with his gaze, the disappointment so blatant in his eyes.

“Oh… were you expecting something down there, too? I’m so sorry, but I really have no idea what I could do… would you mind to suggest to me what you would do in my place?”

The fake naivety with which she asked him that question made her even sexier.

Dan grins and switches their roles in a heartbeat.

He caresses her thighs, before parting them.
The brush tickling her oh-so-sensitive  area.
Her giggling is music to Dan’s ears.

But once he dives his head inside her core she just wants to scream how good he’s making her feel.

After giving his girlfriend multiple orgasms, Dan surfaces, licking his lips.

“Bribing has never tasted sweeter!” He grins, kissing her.

She straddles him, caresses his cock that immediately shows her how it likes the attention and then she pours the fudge on it directly from the pan, smearing it better with the brush.

“I guess that after that we’re going to buy Rufus a new pastry brush!” She makes him laugh, in addition to the ticklish sensation.

“I’d buy him a whole new kitchen, just dooooon’t stop, Blaaair..” He moans, as she starts licking the melted chocolate off.

“I have no intention of doing so, love.”

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The most logical conclusion can only be a shower together, when they end up making love under the running water.

“So, did I earn a kind concession from Gossip Girl?” Blair asks her boyfriend as they dry each other inside a big towel.

He nods as they get dressed.

“What about a whole hour of scrolling through her laptop and…”

“And?” She urges him, thrilled.

“The chance to write and post a blast under my supervision?”

“Yayyy! This is almost more exciting than what we did in the bedroom!” She hugs him.

Dan stares at her in disbelief.

“I said ‘almost.’” She points out, kissing the tip of his nose.

“So, Blair, when do you want to dispose of this una-tantum hour you’re allowed to have?”

“Now, of course, I’m too curious to see the development of Jessica’s brother!” She drags him to the bedroom with her.

“Well, I’ve been so busy looking for you and worrying about us these last few days that I barely checked the mailbox…” He admits, opening the Gossip Girl’s laptop.

“Aww, sweet.” She caresses his hand, but lets it go the moment when all those juicy scoops appear in front of her.

“Oh my God! Eric kissed Kyle last night… Told ya he was gay! So Jessica was right… or he’s both. Can’t wait to see what Penelope is going to do about that!”

Dan just nods, as he stares at her, amused by all her excitement.

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“Tick-tock, tick-tock, my love. Time is running out. Last minute to glance at the last e-mails.” Dan warns her, checking his watch.

“Geez, this hour just flew, it’s so unfair!” She rolls her eyes.

“Come here, it’s time to send the blast. Have you thought of something?”

Blair grins and starts writing.

“Oohh, I like that metaphor. Spicy and pungent.” He approves. “But…”

“But?” She frowns.

“You left the names in full.” He chuckles, making her correct them.

“Arrgh! Such a rookie mistake!” She scoffs, before finishing. “... XOXO. Gossip Girl.’ can I upload it?”

“Go ahead.” He smiles.

“Aaaaahh, this was so satisfying!” She cheers, as they both read the published blast, with the pic.

Spotted: J’s big brother, as contented as a jump ball in a basket match. But in which team does K prefers to play? And mostly, with whom is he gonna score? P or E?
But it’s Upper East Side, I know for sure we can’t expect fair play.
I’m already equipped with cards and whistles; let the game begin!
XOXO Gossip Girl


“I can’t believe I did that!” Blair grins, kissing Dan.

“And I can’t believe you chose to use your hour only for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Next week there’s your mother’s fashion show. Just imagine how many people are going to talk about her.. and about you as well. And you missed the chance to peer into that.” Dan pretends to be sorry for her.

“Dammit! I had totally forgotten about the fashion show!” She curses, before turning to her boyfriend. “My love, can we just rewind it all and pretend this hour never happened?”

He smiles at her in the sweetest way possible.

“My love, of course we can’t!” He closes the laptop and gets up, in order to hide it from her.

“But…” She attempts to protest, following him in the corridor.

“And I’m not gonna change my mind, not even for all the most expensive chocolate in the world, nor for anything else!”

“I hate you, Dan Humphrey!” She glares at him.

“I’m so glad you do!” He strikes back, all smug.

“Why?” She frowns.

“Because we’re amazing at angry sex!”

THE END