I: Uncomfortable truths
“Are you really sure about it, Dan?” Jenny asks her
brother, while she’s working at the same time, examining the new order
of fabrics with her mobile for the set up of the next fashion show.
She really loves her job in Hudson.
“Are you aware it’s the fifth time you ask me this, since we started this videochat?” Dan makes her notice.
He
was supposed to dedicate the whole morning to his new project, but
after a few paragraphs of the first chapter he decided to use that time
to focus on another issue.
Something he has been thinking about since the whole summer.
And he needed a second opinion from the only person who knows his secret.
“It’s that there’s so much at stake that I need you to tell me
you’re absolutely sure about it.” Jenny insists as she takes
measurements of a dress to cinch at the waist.
She’s such a multitasking girl.
“And, for the fouth time, I repeat to you that I’m absolutely sure.” He confirms, fidgeting with the pencil holder.
A way as another to blow off steam.
“Buy you’re going to lose Blair this way.”
“I’m
going to lose her if I keep hiding this important truth from her. The
longer I wait, the worse it is going to get.” Dan retorts, as he bites
his nails.
He might be sure about his decision, but it doesn’t mean he’s not extremely nervous about it.
“Then Dad always says that transparency and honesty are the secret
of a healthy and successful relationship.” He adds , more like to
encourage himself.
Jenny scoffs.
“Yeah, sure, the same Dad who after all these years is still busy arguing with Lily like cats and dogs?”
Dan smirks smugly.
“‘After all these years.’ This is the key point. This is what I’m
aiming for.” He makes her notice. “Then, correct me if I’m wrong, didn’t
you hate Blair and the fact that we’re together?”
Jenny tortures her long, bleached blond locks, before answering.
“Of course I still hate her and I wish you and her had never fallen in love with each other!” She rolls her eyes.
“But?” Dan urges her to go on, with a knowing smile.
“But I also acknowledged how happy you are with her… and I sort of like my big brother to be happy.” She grumbles.
She’s never very comfortable whenever she has to show her most sensitive side.
“Thank you, lil sis, for your sweet concern, but I
promise you I have every intention to still be happy, for a long, long
time.” He smiles at her.
She smiles back.
“Huh, and… Jenny?”
“Yeah?”
“About the date you told me you have tonight, as
promised I won’t tell Dad about it, but… try to wear just a little less
make up. I bet that guy wants to go out with a girl, not a… panda bear!”
He makes fun of her, logging out fast enough to avoid her pissed off
reaction.
Dan reaches his father who’s rehearsing in the living room.
Feeling observed, Rufus stops playing and turns to Dan.
“Do you need something, son?”
“Huh, nope, I was just thinking, since everything seems so perfect
and fine between you and Lily, why don’t you take her on a romantic
trip, out of the blue, let’s say… leaving tonight?” He suggests with
nonchalance,
“Well, that’s a very cool idea.. if only Lily wasn’t out of town, paying a visit to Cece.” Rufus informs him.
“Oh. Well, very nice of her.” Dan grumbles back,
trying to think fast. “Uh! What about Jenny? It’s been a while since you
checked on her. Why don’t you buy a ticket for Hudson already today?”
- Forgive me, lil sis, if I ‘m going to break the promise and mess up with your date!-
Rufus gets up, places his guitar back in its case and stares at his son, suspiciously.
“Dan, you don't have to get all weird about this.” He
chuckles. “If you want the house for yourself tonight, why don’t you
just ask?”
“Actually, yes, I would like to have the house for myself tonight…
Could you help me with that?” Dan asks, scratching his head, nervously.
Rufus shrugs.
“Why didn’t you say it before? No problem, I can arrange something
with my old band mates, then sleep at Lily’s place.” He grins.
“Uh? Was it really so easy? Thank you, Dad.”
“I’ve been young too, Dan, so I understand if you want to have a special night with Blair…” He winks at him.
“Actually it’s a night to face uncomfortable truths.” Dan grumbles.
Rufus narrows his eyes at him.
“Is that kind of thing that could put you in a very difficult
situation, that kind of thing she could hardly find out on her own, but
you feel compelled to tell her anyway, for the sake of transparency in
your relationship?”
Dan is almost dumbfounded.
- When the hell did Dad learn to read people’s minds?-
“Yeah, it’s exactly that kind of thing.”
“Then this does you credit, son.” Rufus pats his shoulder. “I’m sure everything is going to be fine.”
“Thank you for saying the taboo sentence, now I know it’s going to be a complete disaster!” Dan rolls his eyes.
- No kidding, I already knew this, taboo sentence or not. -
“Don’t
be so pessimistic! If you’re doing this out of love, it can’t be bad
for sure.” Rufus smiles at him, as he gathers his stuff.
“I hope so.” Dan sighs. “Huh, Dad?”
“Yes?”
“What if Jenny still lived here with us and she was the one asking you if she could have the house for herself for a night?”
“I guess you already know the answer!” Rufus grumbles, making him laugh.
And the jealous-father mood Rufus immediately self-set to makes
Dan even gladder he managed to keep the secret about Jenny’s date.
----------------------------
Once he’s done with the chores, Dan grabs his phone.
It’s the middle of afternoon, Rufus has already left and the place sparkles.
It’s time to invite his girlfriend in.
Blair picks his call up at the second ring.
“Honey! After such a tough day, finally something pleasant.” She purrs.
“Oh, are you having a bad day?” He asks her, concerned.
- This surely doesn’t help. - He ponders.
“I’m still cursing myself for accepting to help my
mother with her agenda: She’s turning my life into a living hell, she’s
making me go across half the Upper East Side. Can’t wait for this day to
be over.” She groans, exasperated.
“Hold on, my love.”
“How is your day going, Dan?”
“Trying to write, without succeeding.”
“That must be so frustrating, poor dear. Maybe you need some help from your Muse…”
She’s clearly flirting.
“What about spending the evening with me, my Muse? I happen to have the loft all for myself until tomorrow.”
“These are the things I need to hear!” She cheers. “And, tell me, are you going to cook for me, too?”
“That was already my plan.” Dan smiles. “I can also add to the
list a massage, in order to make you relax, after such a hard day.”
“Oh, you spoil me so much!” She giggles. “See ya later, love.”
-----------------------------------------
Dan’s efforts were rewarded.
Blair appreciated a lot the roast chicken he cooked.
And even before that, the oh so relaxing massage with candles, soft music as background and Patchouli oil.
“None of my previous boyfriends was such a good chef…
more like I guess none of them actually ever tried to cook anything.”
Blair comments as they keep eating.
“Well, my darling, Brooklyn guys like to get their hands dirty.”
He smirks. “But I guess what made this dinner so special is the salad
you made so flawlessly!”
“Do you mean the ready-mixed-salad I just opened and poured in a bowl?” She scoffs.
“Well, flawless opening and pouring.” He retorts.
“Don’t make fun of me, Humphrey!” She laughs, throwing at him some still no dressing green lettuce.
“Do you have the DVD wallet with you?” She asks him when they’re done, as she takes the dishes to the washbasin.
“Of course, I have it. What movie do you wanna watch?” He asks her.
“I guess you already know.” She winks at him.
“Sure, I know, but I’d suggest ‘Confessions of a Dangerous Mind’, to get in the mood…” Dan grumbles.
“What?” Blair frowns at him. “Which mood?”
“Nevermind.” He shrugs. “Let’s go with ‘Roman Holiday’. Once more!”
They lay on Dan’s bed, cuddling as they watch the movie on his laptop.
- Life couldn’t be sweeter. Then why am I feeling like a
death row inmate who’s walking through the Green Mile? Oh, that’s
another movie I could have suggested. - Dan gets lost in his worried thoughts, as Blair cozies up to him a little more.
“This movie will never tire me!” She sighs in awe at
the end. “Dan, we should visit Rome one day, and we should do a remake
of the Mouth of the Truth scene.”
“Yep, definitely to put on our to-do list.” He approves.
“Good. I can already picture myself putting my hand inside the
Mouth after saying that I love you. And it wouldn’t bite me, because
it’s not a lie, at all.” She murmurs.
He stares at her, touched, before putting the laptop on the floor.
“Oh, Blair, come here.” He pulls her to him for a long, slow, sweet kiss.
Then from her mouth he moves to her cheek, her chin, lingering on her neck.
“Oh god, Dan, if you kiss me this way I won’t refrain for long.” She moans, tilting her head back to allow him more access.
“No one asked you to do that.” He urges her, sucking the side of
her neck, as he searches for the zipper of her dress behind her back.
Sooner than they can figure out, they’re both naked and willing to give themselves to each other.
Dan pulls Blair on top of him, holding her hips.
She is keeping her eyes closed as his cock enters in her core, inch after inch, enjoying the moment better.
“Look at me, Blair.” He whispers and she obeys.
“Good. I wanna frame this moment in my mind forever. Your eyes.” He stares at her, intently.
“Your lips.” He traces them with his thumb and Blair sucks it sensually.
“Your slender, graceful neck.” He voraciously kisses it, leaving more than a hickey.
Blair moans, even louder as he pushes deeper.
“Your pretty breast.” He goes on, cupping her boobs, kissing first
one nipple, then the other, sucking one, as his fingers gently play
with the other.
Blair hisses in pleasure, pushing herself more against his lap.
He inhales her hair.
“And I wanna frame the scent of your hair.” He goes on, moving
behind her ear and on her nape. “And the Chanel n.5 that drives me
crazy. Not to mention that your skin still smells of Patchouli, mm…”
“What else do you wanna remember, Dan?” She asks him, before lowering to kiss him, famished.
“The taste of your mouth,” He answers when he can speak again, as
their rhythm increases. “The way you bite your lower lip when you’re
close to the orgasm… yeah just like this.” He smirks, proudly.
“Daaan..” She moans in deep pleasure.
“Then I wanna remember the way you say my name when I make you
feel that good, the taste of your pleasure, your warmth, how wet you get
for me, our noises when we make love, our pants, your messier hair,
your satisfied expression…” He moans, as he finally comes inside her.
“This is what I get, to love such a writer!” She parts from him, only to lay with her head on his chest.
“Told you that you’re my Muse.” He chuckles.
“But what was all this craving for remembering? I’m not going anywhere, Dan” She reassures him, searching for his hand to hold.
“What can I say? Maybe it’s the beginning of Autumn that makes me so melancholic.” He finds a believable excuse.
She uses his shirt as pajamas, while he wears his boxers again, before they slip under the sheets.
- Guess I’m doing nothing bad if I allow myself to have
one more night sleeping together. But tomorrow, in the morning, I’m
going to tell her anything. - Dan decides, switching the light off, as they wish each other goodnight.
He hugs her like a big spoon and closes his eyes, wishing that tomorrow could never come.
--------------------------------
But, of course, tomorrow comes, despite all his prayers, and right
before they start breakfast, he finds the courage to do what he has to
do.
“Blair, there’s something you need to know. But before I go on, please, never forget how much I love you.”
“I love you too, Dan, even more if you let me eat!” She tries to
joke, but he looks so serious that she instantly loses her appetite.
“You… you’re scaring me.”
“Do you remember when we graduated? The party we had after that…”
“Why are you bringing back such old memories now?” She scoffs.
“Do you remember when Serena was so pissed off with Gossip Girl
that she challenged her, sending her a text message, asking her to meet
her at The Oak Room to protect her secret identity?” Dan goes on.
“Why.. why are you talking about this?” Blair grows nervous.
“Nate and Serena were so surprised to see me arriving there first.
You arrived immediately after me, then Jenny followed, and all the
others; but only because the text message I sent to everyone reached you
a bit later than expected.”
“Wha… What are you babbling about? It was Gossip Girl sending that message…” Blair stares at him, puzzled and sort of scared.
“Serena almost got me that day. And where Nate sarcastically asked me if I was Gossip Girl… Well, he was right.”
Blair gets up so fast that the chair falls loudly on the floor.
“No! It can’t be!” She pleads, her eyes almost teary, just like Dan’s.
“I’m Gossip Girl, Blair. I’ve always been.”
“You… you ruined my life!” She snaps, and if her words aren’t already wounding Dan enough, her look hurts him even more.
Because he already saw that look in her eyes.
He was there.
Chuck was about to make the proposal to Blair, right before Dan punched him.
Then Blair had seen how upset Jenny was, added to Dan’s anger as a big brother… and she had figured everything out.
Looking at Chuck so disgusted. So pissed off. So worn out. So empty inside. So utterly let down.
The same way she’s looking at Dan, now.
“How many times was my heart broken and Gossip Girl exposed it for
everyone to see? How many times did she humiliate me? How many times
did she make a blast of one of my scandals or one of my failures?”
“You’ve never been a failure, Blair.” He murmurs, taking a step closer, as he brings a hand to her face.
She slaps his hand and backs off, as angry as he rarely saw her.
“SHUT UP AND DON’T TOUCH ME!” She roars. “So, tell me, Gossip Girl, did you have fun all these months, fooling me so bad?”
Dan feels like he’s dying inside.
“No please, Blair, don’t talk like this…”
“Oh, yeah, sure. You love me, right?” She scoffs, her tone full of
bitter mockery. “Well, I guess that you love even more the blast you
could get from that.”
“Blair, please, stop it..” He pleads, his voice as broken as his heart.
“I can picture you, with a sly sneer on your face, as you think about the best way to hurt me.”
“I never could…”
“You, as Gossip Girl, already did. More than once. Each time more
devastating then the previous one!” She growls, as she searches for her
bag.
“Okay. Gossip Girl ruined your life. Just like she ruined other people’s lives. Including mine.” Dan retorts.
“Huh?” She frowns at him.
“Do
you recall a moment where Gossip Girl has been gentle towards Lonely
Boy? Of course you don’t. Please notice, as Gossip Girl, I’ve never made
any concessions, to anyone, let alone myself. I’ve ridiculed myself so
many times!” He strikes back, all fired up. “I’ve always played with
the same rules I've applied to everyone else!”
“Geez, do you even listen to yourself while you talk? People’s
life is not a damn game!” Blair snaps. “I can’t believe you exposed even
your sister’s private life!”
“Jenny agreed with that in the first place. Actually she asked me
to do that. So far she was the only one who knows. She has known the
truth from the very start.” He confesses and she seems rather astonished
to hear that.
“And tell me, what’s the very start? How was Gossip Girl born?” She decides to ask him.
“Back in ninth grade, I was invited by mistake to a party and
Serena was there, talking briefly with me for the very first time…”
“Of course it had to be about Serena!” She scoffs.
“You know I had this huge crush on her and also a not very healthy
obsession, but you healed me from that, day after day, without even
noticing that. What we have is so healthy and pure. I mean, there’s a
reason why you’re the main star of my first published book.” He murmurs,
trying to get close to her.
But she’s still so full of dismay.
“Nope,
Humphrey, it doesn’t change anything! All those years… it was all a
lie. Our friendship… and especially what our friendship evolved in… I
don’t even know who you are anymore!” She protests.
“Oh c’mon, Blair, you perfectly know who I am…” He pleads.
“Of course I know who you are: the worst person I could ever meet!” She hisses, as she strolls towards the front door.
“No please, Blair, now it’s just your more than justified anger that speaks for you; but if you stay I can explain everything…”
“I’m not gonna listen to your bullshit a second
longer. You know what? I thought that only Chuck had the power to hurt
me deeply and make me feel like I’m nothing. But I had underestimated
you, Humphrey.”
She has called him ‘Humphrey’ countless times, but the contempt Dan can feel in it leaves him helpless.
As he watches her walking away, he has the awful feeling that Blair is not just leaving his house, but she’s getting out of his life forever.
He stares disheartened at the slammed door, as the first tears start streaming down his face.
-Upper East Side means nothing to me if I can’t share it with you… -
TBC