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If You Want To Play Games, Okay...But I'll Win	By : WW2_Lover Category: G through L > Hogan's Heroes Views: 1043 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of these characters, ANY part of this series, or make ANY money from Hogan's Heroes. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. Any words with a * in front of them are lines directly from the show.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Any words with a * in front of them are lines directly from the show. And once the generals enter the house, everyone is assumed to be speaking in German unless otherwise stated or implied.

Luftwaffe = The German name for their Air Force
Onkel = Uncle
Amerikanischer Soldat = American soldier
Vater = Father
Amerikaners = Americans
Herr = Mister
Englisch = English
Nein = No
Reichsmarks = The currency of Nazi Germany. (It was discontinued in 1948.)
Ein = One
Kinder = Children
Ja = Yes
Mutter = Mother
Auf Englisch, sie dummkopf! Nicht deutsch! Ohne deine Hilfe hätte ich so viel tun können, Wilhelm. = In English, you idiot! Not German! I could have done that much without your help, Wilhelm.
Frau = Mrs.
Danke = Thank you
Oma = Grandmother
Kommandant = Commander
Leutnant = Lieutenant
Bienenstich = Bee sting cake
Schinken-Kohl-Auflauf = Ham and cabbage casserole
Schnell = Quickly/hurry up
Jawohl = Yes sir
Reichsmarshall = Marshall of the Reich, Hermann Göring’s title
Stalag = Stalag is short for ‘Stammlager’, which is short for ‘Kriegsgefangenen-Mannschaftsstammlager’. It translates to ‘prisoner-of-war camp’
Oflag = Short for ‘Offizierslager’, which translates to ‘Officer's camp’

Chapter 16 – Meeting The Family, Part 2
Back in Germany, visiting Klink’s family…
As they got out of the car and closed the doors, Hogan looked up at the Victorian-style house in front of him. “This is where you grew up?” he asked incredulously as he adjusted the right pant leg of his US Army Air Force general’s uniform. “It looks like someplace Dracula would live!”
Klink smiled and shook his head in amusement with his brat. “Robert, sometimes I think you and your American sense of humor are very silly,” he responded as he smoothed out the pants of his Luftwaffe general’s uniform.
The house in question was a two story home, just like the other ones that were fairly close by. Yet that was where the similarities ended. Klink’s family home was painted a dark gray color, with what looked like almost a completely flat roof directly on the top part of the house. There was also a black metal balcony fence topped with sharp spikes there as well, and the front of the roof was slanted at an angle so that rainwater could run off of it. On both sides, it sloped downward and curved in sharply. In addition, it had what looked like an upside down sword with a curved hand guard near the chimney.
The second floor had an actual terrace that one could walk out on, along with arched windows. The fence around it was made of metal and painted black, something that was practical since wood tended to rot from exposure to the sun. Then there were three steps leading up to the porch, which was enclosed and had a faded lawn chair sitting off to the side. The porch had a balcony fence around it as well, which matched the one above it.
Directly above the overhang where the front door was, a small tower point jutted upward. Unlike the second story ones, the windows on the ground floor were long, semi-thin rectangles. Finally, the oak wood door was painted black. All in all, the place had a very gothic feel to it.
The former senior POW officer looked at his friend and raised his eyebrows. “How am I silly? It’s got a creepy vibe to it! But I’ll bet you were popular on Halloween,” he added with a laugh.
“Really Rob, you say the strangest things sometimes,” the older general stated as they walked toward the door. After climbing the steps, he dug out his house key and added, “We can get the groceries after I let my mother know we are here. I only hope we do not scare her, since we did not call ahead of time to announce our visit.”
Hogan climbed the steps and replied, “I’m sure it’ll be okay. She’ll be far too happy to see you after all this time to worry about getting mad.”
“True,” Klink allowed as he opened the door and stepped inside, his friend following right behind him. As they closed the door, two young boys came running around the corner before the tall German could say a word. They appeared to be eight and nine years old, and the younger man guessed those were the bratty nephews he’d heard so much about.
That assumption was proven correct as both of the boys stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the two officers. The younger one cried out, “Look out, Onkel Wilhelm! There is an Amerikanischer Soldat behind you!” The older one was a bit more proactive though, because he picked up a nearby paperweight and chucked it at Hogan’s head.
Reacting quickly, Hogan snatched it out of the air so it wouldn’t hit him in the temple. Meanwhile, Klink started to speak to the one who had thrown the paperweight.
“Fritz, you foolish boy! What were you thinking? You could have hit me in the head with that!” he scolded. “If you ever do something that idiotic again, you will not be sitting down for a day or two, I promise you. And my abilities in that regard have not waned since I saw you last either,” Klink added with a scowl.
“And I’m pretty sure he means it too,” Hogan remarked, a sympathetic expression appearing on his face. He gazed at Fritz and added, “I wouldn’t test your onkel right now. He’s tired from his flight and all the time zone changes, so he’s not in the best mood.”
After looking at the American general standing beside the German one in surprise, Fritz looked back at the older officer and responded in German as well. “But Onkel Wilhelm, I saw that damn **gangster –”
Before his nephew could say anything else, Klink gave him two sharp swats to the seat of his shorts to silence him. “First of all, you will not insult General Hogan in that way, Fritz! If you do so again, you will remain standing for a few days quicker than you planned on. Second of all, you shall watch your mouth when you are around me. Who taught you that word, anyhow?”
“Ow!” Fritz said sullenly as he rubbed his behind. He gazed up at the older officer, who didn’t look happy with him at all. While he loved his uncle very much, he didn’t love the greeting he’d gotten after not seeing him for so long. And he wasn’t a rat, so he didn’t want to answer the question either.
“It was Vater,” the younger of the two boys piped up, making sure he stepped back out of his uncle’s grabbing range after seeing what had happened to his older brother. “That is what he calls the Americans, including the bad word,” he added helpfully.
“Traitor!” Fritz hissed at him, who ignored the insult in favor of making sure that it wasn’t him in trouble next.
Nodding to his youngest nephew, Klink replied, “Thank you very much, Hans. Your helpfulness is appreciated.”
“You are welcome, Onkel Wilhelm,” Hans responded politely as his gaze settled on Hogan. “Who is the man standing beside you, if I may ask?”
Taking a deep breath, the former Kommandant replied, “Hans, Fritz…this is my friend, General Robert Hogan. He is a member of the United States Army Air Force, and I –”
But his friend cut himself off as an older woman came out of the kitchen, obviously drawn to all the noise and shouting. She looked to be in her seventies, with dark grey hair that had once been a dark brown. The grey was the same color as Klink's, and her eyes were the same shade of blue.
Her eyes lit up with happiness upon seeing her son, until she noticed Hogan standing silently behind him. Then her expression became one of fear as she spoke in a mixture of German and broken English, wrongfully assuming that he didn't speak her language.
“Please, Herr General,” she began, her body tense. “I speak very little Englisch. We poor now. Nein Reichsmarks. Little food. SS and Amerikaners take it. He is ein of my kinder...my son,” she added, pointing at a puzzled looking Klink. “Please, nein hurt him.”
Hogan just looked at Klink's mother with a baffled look on his face. What the hell has the SS and the American troops been doing to the German citizens while we’ve been at Stalag 13?! he thought furiously. Barbarians, every one of them!
“Um...what?” he finally asked in English, confusion evident in his voice. He understood the message just fine, so that wasn’t the problem. He just wanted to know was why she was telling him any of this. After all, he wasn't here to raid the place!
With a frustrated expression from the perceived language barrier, Frau Klink slowly walked toward the pair. It was obvious by her careful movements that she was expecting the former senior POW officer to attack her in some way. Either that, or to physically stop her from approaching them. But when the younger general made no moves to stop her, she touched her son’s arm and spoke.
“Willie, I need you to do me a favor. Tell the American general we have no money at all anymore, and there is very little food left in the house. The SS took most of it, and the Americans took almost all the rest. Tell him you are one of my children – my youngest son – and make sure he knows that I was asking him not to hurt you,” she said to Klink in German.
With a nod to his mother, the tall German answered, “Yes, Mutter. Give me a moment.” With that, he spoke in English as he added, “Rob, I think there is a grave miscommunication going on here. My mother thinks you are here to cause trouble for her, and she does not know you are a friend.”
Then he shrugged and obediently repeated what she had told him to say, still looking confused. As his nephews didn’t speak any English, he was speaking German on purpose all the while so that his nephews could follow the conversation.
To Hogan's surprise and amusement, Frau Klink smacked the tall German upside his head for his trouble. “Auf Englisch, sie dummkopf! Nicht deutsch! Ohne deine Hilfe hätte ich so viel tun können, Wilhelm.”
The younger officer had never been more grateful than he was now that was bilingual, and he reasoned that he should only speak German while he was here. At least that way the language barrier wouldn't be a problem. With that decision made, his next words came out smoothly in the foreign language.
“I'm going to assume by that declaration that you're Frau Klink. I'm Robert Hogan, and I'm not here to raid your house,” he informed her.
Ingrid Klink looked surprised at hearing her native tongue from an American for a moment, until a determined look crossed her face. She was clearly terrified of him – her trembling form gave that much away – but she forged on anyway. Hogan could see where his self-appointed disciplinarian had gotten his stubborn streak, and his looks as well.
“Yes, that is who I am…and I see,” she finally replied as she smoothed down her apron. The two boys were standing off to the side during all of this, watching the adults silently. Still, their body language was tense, and they were clearly upset.
“Well, I am only a poor war widow, Herr General. As long as you do not hurt my son or my grandchildren, I will cooperate with you. I only ask that we go to a different room, since the children should not have to witness such adult acts. My son that stands next to you, Wilhelm, can watch them briefly,” she told him nervously.
“Huh?” asked the former senior POW officer stupidly, feeling like he was missing something in that odd message.
But the missing puzzle piece clicked into place quickly, which made his expression change into one of horror. “No! God, no!” he exclaimed. Just the idea of doing anything so vile made his stomach churn violently.
“You're got it all wrong, ma’am. I'm not here to steal from you, hurt you, or...or do that,” he added, his tone of voice conveying how sickened he was by the mere concept.
Turning to the older general, he spoke in English while he talked. “I think we should've called ahead after all. Me and my bright idea of a surprise was obviously a dud.”
“Do you think?” Klink said sarcastically with an eye roll, looking a little green himself at what his mother had implied. “You and I almost got knocked unconscious by Fritz throwing a paperweight at us upon our arrival, and now my mutter has the wrong idea entirely. Should I clarify things in your stead?”
Nodding, Hogan replied, “Yeah, I think you'd better. I'm doing a terrible job so far. And obviously some of the American troops are doing horrible things to the German people in revenge for the war,” he added disgustedly. “Along with the SS, but that’s just because they’re complete jerks.”
“Believe me, I am well aware of that,” his friend responded wryly. Then he turned back to his mother and spoke to her in German again.
“Mutter, Robert is a good friend of mine. We have known each other for three years now, and he is a decent, honorable man. He is not here to cause any problems for you or anyone else. He is the one who sent the courier here with our things, and the one whom you spoke to on the telephone. He is also the one who found out you were still alive and let me know about it, because I had no idea if you had survived the war. And he is the one who helped me finally get promoted to the rank of general,” Klink explained as he tried to smooth over the situation.
His mother glanced over at the American general, who had a relaxed pose and kept his hands by his sides. He was also doing his damnedest to appear nonthreatening, which seemed to be working. And when he noticed her looking at him, he gave her a carefree smile. Then she looked back at her son, who was indeed wearing the uniform of a Luftwaffe general and smiling.
“This man did all of that, you say? This one right here?” Frau Klink asked as she pointed at his friend.
“Yes, Mutter,” the tall German responded warily, getting a uncomfortable feeling in his stomach about the abrupt change in his mother’s tone of voice.
“Oh,” she replied, appearing to think that over for a moment or two. Looking over at the younger general, she said, “Would you please us for a little while, Herr General? I need to speak with my son alone in the kitchen.”
Nodding his head, Hogan responded, “Of course. Take all the time you need, ma’am.”
“Danke. We will be back shortly,” Ingrid said with a nod. Then she grabbed Klink by the ear and dragged him toward the kitchen to talk, lecturing him as they went. While the German officer vocally protested the treatment, he was led away irregardless.

A little pow-wow…
With a snort of laughter at what he’d just seen, Hogan proceeded to look at Klink’s nephews. The two boys had bewildered looks on their faces, as if they didn’t know what to make of the situation. Deciding that maybe it might help things if he wasn’t towering over them and looking all imposing, the younger man sat down on the floor against the wall.
After maneuvering his body into a cross-legged position, he stared at the two boys for a moment. The older one had platinum blond hair and blue eyes, a textbook example of an ‘Aryan’ child, and he was tall and lanky like his uncle. Meanwhile the younger one had light brown hair with hazel eyes. He was also a little bit shorter and stockier than his brother.
Looking at the blond-haired one, the former senior POW officer cocked his head and asked, “You’re Fritz, right? That’s what your onkel said, or at least what I thought he said. We kind of got off to a hectic start,” he observed, beginning the conversation.
“Why do you care? We are Germans, citizens of the same country the Americans destroyed with their bombs!” Fritz responded angerly. “Germany is reduced to nothing, and all because enemy soldiers like you have ruined it!”
Holding up his hands in a ‘calm down’ gesture, Hogan said, “Whoa, relax. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t Hans, young man. Nothing like calling somebody by the wrong name to irk them.” Before he could say anything else, his brother spoke up.
“I am Hans. That is my brother, Fritz,” the brown-haired boy said hesitantly. “We would like to know why Onkel Wilhelm calls you a friend, Herr General. We heard everything he said to our oma, but we are confused. Well, I am confused,” he amended. “I cannot speak for my brother.”
“Thank you, Hans,” the American general replied politely. “So, you’ve got to be Wolfgang’s sons, then. I’ve heard quite a bit about you both from Wilhelm, you know.”
Then he patted the floor and added, “Are you guys gonna stand there all day? The floor’s plenty big enough for you guys to sit down, you know. You don’t have to sit near me, but I just thought you might want to be comfortable while we talk. Either way, I’d still like to speak with you both.”
Fritz exchanged a confused glance with his younger brother, who shrugged in reply. Gazing at the American general again, he asked suspiciously, “How do you know about our vater? He has never been in the military, so you would not have met him on the battlefield. And you seem awfully familiar with our onkel as well. Why? What has Onkel Wilhelm told you about us?” he inquired.
The older boy was distrustful of this American soldier, who seemed to be utterly relaxed around them for some reason. If there was one thing he’d always heard, it was that the Americans were evil people who would hurt any German at the first opportunity. He’d been taught that repeatedly in school, so Fritz wasn’t about to let his guard down that easily.
With a sigh, Hogan began to explain what was going on. “First of all, I’m not a soldier in the traditional sense. I’m a bomber pilot, just like Wilhelm. I’m in a different military, obviously, but it’s still the same job. Not that I’ve bombed a da…darn thing in the last three years, because I’ve been locked up in a prisoner of war camp.” He was trying to censor his language while he talked, since these were young boys and he didn’t want them to pick up his bad habits.
“Stalag 13, to be precise…which your Onkel Wilhelm was the Kommandant of until the war ended. Like he said earlier, I’m a good friend of his. Good friends tend to be familiar with one another, you know,” he remarked.
Then he glanced at the younger of the two brothers, who was looking at him like he’d sprouted a new limb. “To answer your other questions, I know he’s your oma’s other son. My understanding is that he’s about seven centimeters (three inches) taller than your onkel and outweighs him by twenty-three kilograms (fifty pounds), in addition to being a solidly built type of guy versus more lanky.”
Enjoying the stunned looks on their faces, the younger officer continued on. “And Wilhelm’s mentioned you both a lot as well. From what I can gather, you boys are quite the adventurous pair. A little too adventurous in this case, because my understanding is that he’s had to…um…address how you guys act on a few occasions. Address it in the same way he did with you earlier, Fritz,” he added.
He was trying to be tactful about it as he turned his gaze to the blond-haired boy, remembering how badly it’d humiliated him when Klink had discussed such things with his parents while he sat there. “Let me simply say you both have my deepest sympathies in that respect.”
“Danke,” Fritz told him with an unreadable look upon his face.
“You’re welcome.” Then Hogan shrugged out of his uniform jacket, looking at Hans again while he did so. The brown-haired boy was staring at it in fascination, clearly having never seen an American general’s uniform up close before. The open, innocent curiosity made him smile.
“You wanna try it on?” he asked. “If you do, I can toss it to you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to approach me to get it if the idea makes you feel uncomfortable.”
An astonished expression crossed the little boy’s face as he responded slowly, “Well…yes, I would. I have only seen American uniforms very briefly, and then only in pictures. But is there not some regulation against that, Herr General?” he inquired curiously.
Making a face, the former senior POW officer said, “Please, don’t call me that. That title reminds me waaaay too much of General Burkhalter, your onkel’s boss. But you can call me Herr Hogan, or Herr Robert. Whichever one works for you,” he stated with a shrug.
Out of nowhere, he gave them his familiar, lopsided grin. “In answer to your question, Hans, there might be one,” he remarked thoughtfully. “But I’ve made a long and successful career out of flouting the rules. Therefore, I don’t see why I should change anything about that now,” he said cheerfully.
As he held out the uniform jacket, he added, “Go ahead and take it. Or did you want me to toss it to you?”
Shaking his head, Hans replied, “I will come and get it from you, Herr Robert. Just please, do not hurt me,” he requested as he began walking over to the American.
Hogan rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’d like to live past the next few minutes. Wilhelm would kill me if I even thought about doing something like that, not that I ever would. He’s the protective, caring type, you know.”
“Sometimes I wish our onkel would be a little less protective and caring,” muttered Fritz. He’d been watching the way that this man interacted with his little brother, and how he wasn’t talking down to them or treating them shabbily. If anything, he seemed to be treating them like equals, which was surprising.
Every story he’d ever been told spoke of how the Americans used and abused the German people. They also spoke of how they treated the Germans like dirt, or as a mere tool to be used. So this conversation was pleasantly surprising to him, if he was being honest with himself.
“Don’t I know it,” responded the younger general with a sigh. “He’s constantly on my back about my choice of language, like I’m not allowed to swear once in a while. I mean, geez. I’m an adult and all, but I guess he doesn’t like it. And I get tired of being nagged about that, so I try not to do it in his presence,” he said with a shrug.
“Anyway, let me guess…the main thing Wilhelm gets mad about is you two doing anything that might put your life in danger. Am I right?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, but how did you know that?” the older of Klink’s nephews asked in astonishment.
“Let’s just call it ‘personal experience’,” Hogan said dryly as Hans reached his side.
The brown-haired boy reached out to take the jacket cautiously, hoping that the former senior POW officer wasn’t going to do anything nasty to him. But the only thing the younger general did was drop his uniform jacket into the boy’s hands.
Hogan watched him with a smile as Hans returned to where he’d been standing before, proceeding to try on the jacket once he was far enough away. Stretching, he asked both of Klink’s nephews curiously, “So, do you guys speak English at all? Or is that not taught in the schools over here?”
“No, Herr Robert,” Hans responded, looking rather delighted as he wore the too-big-on-him uniform jacket. “We were going to learn it next year in school, but…you know. The war,” he added with a shrug.
“Yet you speak our language very well, Herr Robert,” Fritz chimed in. “But you said you were a prisoner of war in Onkel Wilhelm’s camp, correct? How did you get out of there, when –”
“– *there has never been a successful escape from Stalag 13!” All three of them said it together, which caused Hogan to chuckle. “I take it you’ve heard that boast before, then?”
“Every single time we saw our onkel,” Fritz confirmed with a half-smile. “He has not seen either us or our oma since last year, though.”
“Maybe he’s just been busy,” suggested the younger officer, trying not to think about just what Klink had been busy doing! “To answer your question, Fritz, the Allies liberated all the prisoner of war camps. Everyone that there was freed, thus they went home.”
“But you are still here, Herr Robert. What I do not understand is why you are friends with Onkel Wilhelm at all. It seems a bit strange to us,” Hans piped up as he cocked his head. He was still wearing the American’s uniform jacket, appearing to be enjoying doing so. “And he left us alone with you as well. That is even stranger.”
“True, and Oma left the room as well,” Fritz added with a frown. “It seems rather unusual.”
“Because he enjoys my company, despite the fact that I frustrate him at times,” Hogan replied,
He then gave them both a serious look, needing them to understand something. “But the fact that they even did that is how you know I’m a decent person. Would either your oma or your onkel – not to mention both of them at the same time – have left you alone with me if I was a threat to you?” he asked the boys.
After thinking that over, the oldest of the boys said sheepishly, “I suppose not. Oma would not have done so, anyway.”
“Don’t let Onkel Wilhelm hear you imply such things, Fritz. He will tan your hide,” Hans warned his brother.
“Hans, shut up!” the blond-haired said hotly as he blushed. He looked over at the former senior POW officer, who was making it a point to look away as he put his fingers in his ears.
“I see nothing, and I hear nothing,” Hogan remarked casually, channeling his favorite former Sergeant of the Guard. “Just let me know when it’s safe to see and hear stuff again.”
That offhand response managed to break the tension in the room, causing Fritz to giggle as he took a seat on the floor. He’d chosen to sit on the right-hand side of the former senior POW officer while they talked, tapping him lightly on the arm to get his attention.
“If I may say so, Herr Robert, you are very odd. But it is safe to see and hear things again,” he informed Hogan as he moved into a cross-legged position.
With a grin, the younger officer sighed in relief. “Oh, good. I was enjoying the entertainment, so I’d hate to miss any more of it.”
“Entertainment? What entertainment?” Hans questioned as he sat cross-legged on the floor on Hogan’s left-hand side.
“Yeah, entertainment. And it’s coming from the kitchen. Just listen for a minute,” the American general said as he put a finger to his lips.
All three of the males were quiet as they listened to some of the things being said. The phrases “dummkopf”, “better manners than that”, “embarrassed me” and “I ought to…” were clearly heard coming from that area, along with the repeated sounds of Klink stammering and protesting as they all grinned at each other.
“So…I’m gonna guess that she’s only slightly upset with your Onkel Wilhelm then,” Hogan quipped, holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart as he winked at Klink’s nephews.
“Yes…and I do believe that ‘slightly’ may be a grave understatement, Herr Robert,” Hans replied with a snicker.
“I would like to go on record as saying that I am glad it is not me in there,” Fritz chimed in as he snickered too.
“Amen to that. Your oma sounds like a force to be reckoned with,” agreed the younger officer.
Turning serious again, he asked, “But I’ve got a question for you, Hans. You said earlier that you’d only seen American uniforms in pictures, but your oma said that both the SS and American troops had been through here previously. I’m gonna guess you two were at school when the Americans did that crap then?”
“Yes. Fritz and I were always at school,” Hans said cautiously. “Yet you just called them ‘Americans’ though, which is odd since you are one as well. Would they not be called ‘your fellow countrymen’ instead, Herr Robert?”
“Heck no,” Hogan said disgustedly. “I would never do something like that to anyone. And anyone who does that crap to someone else isn’t my fellow anything, no matter who they are. Personally, I prefer to look past the uniform and heritage to the human being within it. I’ve even got two of the Luftwaffe guards from Stalag 13 that I still keep in contact with to this day.”
“You do?” the two boys asked together in amazement.
“Who are they?” inquired Fritz, his curiosity peaked by that statement.
With a wink, the former senior POW officer responded, “You might’ve heard about one of them. In fact, you share a name with him, Hans. The men in question are Corporal Karl Langenscheidt and Sergeant Hans Schultz. Well, I guess it’s Second Lieutenant Schultz now. He got a promotion.”
“Leutnant Schultz, you say?” Hans questioned thoughtfully. “I have heard Onkel Wilhelm talk about him a few times. But our onkel always said he was a dummkopf.”
Yet Hogan snorted and shook his head. “Um, no. Far from it, actually. Your onkel and him just don’t see eye-to-eye, because Lieutenant Schultz and he don’t always get along. Then again, that could just be because Wilhelm can be a real grouch at times,” he said with a chuckle.
Taking in the baffled looks he was getting, the younger general explained what he was talking about. “Schultzie is the nicest guy you could ever hope to meet, and he looks like a big teddy bear. Everyone at the camp loved him, including the prisoners. Besides that, he adores kids of any kind. Which turned out to be a good thing, since he’s got five of his own. And he also owns the Schatze Toy Company,” he added.
There was silence in the room for about fifteen seconds, until both of the boys asked their questions at once.
“Schultzie? The prisoners gave a Luftwaffe guard a nickname?” Fritz asked in shock.
“The Schatze Toy Company? That is the largest toy factory in all of Germany. Are you sure that is accurate, Herr Robert?” Hans breathed in wonder.
“Quite sure, Hans. He’s mentioned it before, and Wilhelm had to explain why that was such a big deal. But in response to your question, Fritz…we sure did. Like I said, he’s a decent guy. Just don’t leave him alone with your strudel and you’ll be fine,” Hogan told them with an eyeroll.
“I get the feeling that Stalag 13 was not an ordinary prisoner of war camp,” Fritz said as he considered those words. “That is highly irregular, in any case.”
“Well, we always aimed to please,” the American said agreeably. As he leaned closer to both of them, he looked both ways before whispering consciously, “My goal is to see how fast I can make the rest of your onkel’s hair fall out. Then the Iron Eagle can be a bald eagle instead,” he said with a laugh as he sat back up again.
Hans let out a snort of laughter while he pictured how mad his uncle would be about that. After all, both he and his older brother knew how vain Wilhelm Klink could be! “I like him, Fritz. I think our onkel is lucky to have such a friend in his life.”
“I agree, brother. Herr Robert will…er…help Onkel Wilhelm relax a little bit,” Fritz said carefully.
Hogan just shook his head at that statement, wondering if being delicate with one’s words was a needed survival skill around here. “Fritz, that’s the most diplomatic way I’ve ever heard ‘pull the stick out of your butt, learn to lighten up and have fun’ phrased. So I have to give you credit for being able to do that, because I can’t. But then, you’ve probably already noticed that about me too.”
Both of Klink’s nephews laughed at the blunt terms being used as he asked, “So, about your oma. Does she cook at all? And if so, what kind of food does she make the best?”
“Ooh, yes. Our oma makes everything you can think of, and then some,” Hans replied happily.
“Brother, what do you think Oma makes best?” Fritz asked his little brother.
After thinking about that for a moment or two, the youngest of the boys said, “It really just depends on what you like, I suppose. But I would say casserole dishes and desserts. What do you think, Fritz?”
“Same here,” the older one agreed. “Why, Herr Robert?”
Hogan looked at the boys with a smile and remarked, “I was just hoping the groceries that your Onkel Wilhelm and I brought with us would be enough for your oma to cook something, that’s all. If not, we can always go and get some more. But the two of us are limited in what we know how to make, and neither one of us has had a homemade meal in ages. You think she’d be okay with that?”
The brothers turned to each other, seeming to ask an unspoken question before answering. “I think that would be alright with Oma. We would have to ask her, of course. But there has been very little food here for a while, so I do not think she would mind. Especially if she is allowed to have some of the food,” Hans informed him cautiously.
“Yeah, of course! I’d never ask her to make something and not share it, and I sure wouldn’t eat in front of you guys. That’s just rude,” the former senior POW officer huffed. “Anyway, is there anything she makes that you both really like? Like a favorite food?”
“My favorite dessert is Bienenstich, Herr Robert,” Hans told him after thinking about it for a second or two.
“And my favorite food is Schinken-Kohl-Auflauf,” chimed in Fritz. “Not that it matters much, because we always have to eat what the adults like. We only get our favorite foods on our birthdays.”
“Bee sting cake, along with ham and cabbage casserole? Sounds good to me,” Hogan said. “How old are you two, anyway?”
“I am eight, and Fritz is nine,” Hans said proudly. “We just had our birthdays last month. I was born at the beginning of May, while Fritz was born at the end of it.”
Hogan nodded in reply, glad that he’d guessed their ages right. It also meant that they hadn’t been old enough to be a part of the madman’s ‘youth organization’, since the minimum age to join it was ten years old.
“Oh, so you’re big kids then, not babies. But anyway, do you guys want me to ask your oma if she’ll make those two things for us? That is, if she agrees to cook?” he asked them.
“Yes. That would be very nice of you, Herr Robert,” Fritz replied. “Are there no German foods that you like, then?” He was a little confused by that statement. Since when did any adult consider what a kid wanted?
“Yes, danke…and what my brother said,” Hans affirmed.
“Eh, I haven’t had many dishes from this country,” the younger general admitted. “Only German eggs, cheese noodles, and potato dumplings. Thus, I’ll bow to the native experts.”
Then Hogan grinned as something that he thought would be funny came to mind. “By the way, Hans…do me a favor, would you?”
The little boy studied their uncle’s friend for a moment and said, “That would depend on what the favor is, Herr Robert.”
“The next time your onkel asks you a question today, close your eyes and shake your head slowly. And while you’re doing it, say ‘I know nuuuu-thing!’ just like that before you open your eyes,” the American officer told the younger of the two brothers.
“I’ll make sure you don’t get into any trouble for it, so don’t worry about that. And if we’re lucky, we’ll get Wilhelm to shake his fist and say ‘Mmmmpf!’. If you’ve never seen him do it, you should, because it’s absolutely hilarious. You willing to see if it’ll work?” he asked, hoping that Hans would say yes.
The youngest of Klink’s nephews nodded and let out a chuckle. “Of course. Neither I nor Fritz have ever seen Onkel Wilhelm do that, so it should be good for a laugh or two.”
“Awesome. I –” The younger man cut himself off, holding up a hand to halt any further questions as the sounds from the kitchen faded into silence. He listened to be certain that he was correct before addressing the pair again.
“I think that your oma is finally done chewing Wilhelm out. That being said, do you guys want to mess with him for a few minutes?” he inquired, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
After a quick glance at each other, the brothers nodded. They liked this strange American that their uncle called his friend. And they got the feeling that Hogan would make sure they didn’t get into trouble for whatever he had planned. Besides, any chance to mess with an adult and not be yelled at for it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. So, there was no way that they weren’t going to take it!
“Most definitely, Herr Robert. Just tell us what you have in mind,” the blond-haired boy decided for them with a devious smirk.
With an equally devious smirk of his own, Hogan replied, “We’re gonna do an improv skit, which will be fun. In this skit, we’re gonna act like we’re holding a meeting about how to escape from a POW camp. The more outrageous stuff you can think of, the better,” he quickly explained.
“When your oma and onkel come back in the room, just act like you don’t notice them unless either of them say something directly to us, okay?”
“We understand,” both brothers said in unison, wondering how all of this was going to play out.
Hogan grinned excitedly and told them, “Great. Now, just follow my lead…”

Connecting the pieces…
As Ingrid Klink walked back into the room, she stopped dead at what she saw. Hogan was sitting cross-legged on the floor, with his back to the wall. But that wasn’t the strangest part. Her two grandsons were also sitting in the same style on the floor, one on each side of him. Her youngest grandson was wearing the American officer’s uniform jacket, and they had their heads together quietly discussing something. Really, it was the cutest thing she’d ever seen.
She knew that the two boys were the suspicious type by nature. She also knew that Fritz in particular was extremely wary of strangers, as well as someone who hated the Americans in general. So how had this one gotten her oldest grandson to talk to him at all, let alone sit next to him and talk like they were old friends?! Turning back to the kitchen, she hissed, “Willie, get out here! Schnell, but be sure to remain quiet when you do so. You will not believe this!”
“Why, Mutter? What is –” Klink cut himself off at what he was witnessing as he entered the room. After taking in the scene before him, he wasn’t sure whether to laugh out loud or groan instead. He’d always known his brat to be a little boy trapped inside of a grown man’s body, but the intense pow-wow he seemed to be having with Fritz and Hans only confirmed that.
Turning back to his mother, he asked, “What in the world are they discussing? This does not bode well at all.”
Frau Klink only shrugged as she answered him. “How should I know, son? I only saw them for perhaps ten seconds before I instructed you to come out here. But why does this not bode well? Are you saying that you do not trust your nephews to stay out of trouble now?”
“No, I trust them just fine. It is Robert Hogan I do not trust to do that, Mutter. He is a prankster and mischievous, as well as incredibly flippant at times. Come to think of it, he acts more like a little boy than an adult,” the tall German explained patiently.
Raising her eyebrows, Ingrid said dryly, “So essentially, you are telling me that he acts just like your nephews do most of the time. Well, that would explain much, I suppose.”
Shrugging, the older man agreed, “I believe that observation is correct. I am going to get a little closer and see what they are discussing.”
“Alright, Willie. Let me know,” his mother told him with a sigh, hoping that whatever her son discovered about this little meeting wasn’t going to be a problem.
Using the graceful movements that he’d been taught, Klink tiptoed over to the group. Well, as quietly as one could when wearing a pair of heavy Luftwaffe jackboots. He simply had to know what was so interesting that none of them had noticed either his or his mother’s return to the room. As he got closer and heard what was being said, he barely stifled a groan at how his troublemaker had chosen to entertain his nephews.
“Alright, so that’s a pretty good idea for a tunnel, Hans. But it’s got two small flaws,” Hogan said, well aware of the fact that his friend was watching them and listening to the conversation.
“Which is what, Herr Robert?” Hans inquired, not seeing the problem with his idea.
“Well, nobody’s going to want to move a toilet to the side to access the tunnel, for starters. And what about the pipes and stuff?” Hogan asked reasonably. “They’ll be in the way for whoever’s doing the digging, and the guards will investigate to see what’s wrong when the toilet stops working.”
“I suppose I did not consider about that,” Hans concurred with a frown.
“That’s okay, just keep thinking about it. The last thing we need is for the Kommandant to catch us making a tunnel of any kind, or we’ll be stuck in the cooler until the end of the war. He’s a real stickler for the rules, you know,” the former senior POW officer instructed.
“What is the cooler? I am afraid that I am new here,” Fritz piped up, trying to give the American a subtle hint that he was confused.
Hogan gave him a slightly sad look as he explained, having gotten the hint. “Oh, that’s right, I’m sorry, I forgot that you’re new to the operation. And it must be your first war, but that’s okay too.”
With a long-suffering sigh, he supplied the answer. “The cooler is a cold, solitary jail cell with no heat at all. That’s why it’s called a ‘cooler’. Don’t ask me why we need a jail cell inside of a POW camp, especially when said camp is already a giant jail cell. But the Kommandant’s a very thorough type of guy, I guess.”
“That is true. I would call that very thorough,” Fritz remarked slowly.
“I would be more inclined to call it paranoid,” Hans offered with a casual shrug. “I mean, why would you need a jail cell inside of a jail cell? That is like putting a box inside of a box,” he pointed out.
Hogan rolled his eyes and said, “I guess we’ll just chalk it up to that famous German efficiency. Anyways, have either of you come up with a plan on how we’re supposed to spy on what’s going on in his office? Remember, we’ve already got an audio feed. But a video one would be helpful too, so we can see exactly what’s going on in there.”
He snickered when he spoke his next words. “Forewarned is always forearmed, so we need that feed as quickly as humanly possible. And besides, we’ve already got the video camera as well that the guys pieced together. So now we just need a place to put it. Got any ideas, Fritz?”
“Yes, actually,” Fritz said with a chuckle at how ridiculous they were being with this whole thing. “I have the perfect one…or at least, I hope that I do. Are there any pictures in the Kommandant’s office at all?”
“Yeah, why? This I gotta hear,” said the American general as he leaned forward slightly. Then he gave the blond-haired boy a slight nod to let him know that his uncle was standing behind him, but to keep talking anyway.
“Alright, so this is my proposal. If one of us can smuggle a picture out of there and into the barracks, we can cut a small hole in part of it. Then we place the camera between the frame and the picture. It will be a bit bulky, but it will do as long as nobody looks at the picture too closely. Then you simply have to hang it back up, and boom! Instant video feed,” Fritz explained as he gave a slight nod back.
“Fritz, you’re a genius!” Hogan exclaimed with a smile. “I love it. The next time you go in there to clean the place, take a good look around before you leave. Then you can let me know what pictures are where, and which one you think would work the best for your plan. We can figure out the wiring and stuff to hook it up later on.”
“Jawohl, Herr Robert,” the oldest of Klink’s nephews confirmed with a laugh.
He turned to Hans, who was grinning at the sheer silliness of everything. “You look like you’ve got an idea, Hans. Whatcha got for me?”
“Well, this may sound rather silly, but how about a tree stump for a tunnel entrance?” Klink’s younger nephew asked hesitantly. “I have seen a few of them around the fence that the guards do not seem to bother.”
“A tree stump? Hmm, yeah. Yeah, that could work. But how do we get outside the wires to hollow out a tree stump?” Hogan asked him, causally rolling his head on his shoulders. As he did so, he flicked his eyes toward Klink to give Hans the same nonverbal message he’d given his older brother.
“More importantly, how does a tunnel outside the wires help us? We need one accessible inside the wires to use, not outside of them. You’re gonna have to explain that concept to me,” the younger officer stated.
Shrugging and nodding slightly in return, Hans replied, “It will be the exit we come out of to escape from the camp. As to how we will hollow it out, that is easy. We just have to wait to be assigned to a work detail. The next time we are told to gather firewood or some such thing, one of us slips away to begin the work on it. We will rotate every hour, and the guards will never notice only one of us missing. Simple, yes?”
“Hans, I absolutely love it! You’re brilliant,” Hogan praised him. “Get some of the guys together as soon as you can. I trust your judgment, so anyone you think is suited for that type of work will suffice. Tell them to report to me ASAP, please.”
“Jawohl, Herr Robert,” Hans said with a chuckle. He had to admit that he was enjoying this strange game, especially knowing that his uncle could hear every word that they said.
Shaking his head in amusement, Klink had to hide his smile before he did anything else. Instead, he did his best to sound stern as he cleared his throat and addressed them all.
“I do hope I am not interrupting your meeting of the Escape Committee, gentlemen,” he began dryly. “But as I am sure that you are all aware, there –”
“– *has never been a successful escape from Stalag 13!” his nephews and his troublemaker said at the same time.
“Yeah, yeah. We already know that much, Kommandant, because you’ve only said it about a million times. Even so, we’ve got to try and escape occasionally,” Hogan pointed out in a cheeky tone of voice.
“After all, It keeps you on your toes! Not gonna lie though, I wish that I’d had your nephews with me during the war. They’re very creative,” he remarked, winking at both of them in turn.
Looking taken aback by the unexpected simultaneous answer, the German general motioned for his mother to come over as he grumbled, “Very funny, Rob.”
“Who was being funny? I was being serious,” his friend insisted with a laugh.
Yet the older officer chose to ignore that comment as he inquired, “So what exactly were you and my dear nephews plotting in your little meeting?”
“Us? Nothing. Not a thing,” his troublemaker assured him, using an innocent tone that meant he was actually the exact opposite of innocent.
“I wouldn’t begin to know what you’re talking about, and neither would Fritz. But I’m sure Hans can give you the answer you’re looking for. Try asking him,” he suggested.
Narrowing his eyes and letting out a long sigh, Klink followed the obvious verbal cue as he looked at his youngest nephew. “Fine, I shall. Hans, what do you know about this impromptu meeting?”
The question was utterly perfect. As he’d been previously requested to do, Hans closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. As he did so, he said, “I know nuuuu-thing!” and then opened his eyes again.
Not surprisingly, their bait worked. Out of pure reflex, the former Kommandant swung his arm as he always did and let out a loud “Mmmmpf!” Naturally, that caused all three of the other males to start cracking up laughing.
“Yes! Way to go, Hans,” the former senior POW officer cheered as he giggled like a little kid and gave the brown-haired boy a high-five. “That was perfect! I told you it was something you had to see for yourself.”
“Danke, Herr Robert,” the younger of the two brothers responded, looking very pleased with himself. “You were correct in that assessment. I only wish I had that on video somehow.”
But his older brother was too busy rolling on the laughing to give a high-five to, though. “That was funny!” he gasped out. “Do it again!”
Growing quickly irritated with his brat, Klink snapped, “I do not find your antics amusing right now, Rob!”
“Well, that’s okay,” Hogan told him agreeably, his dark eyes alight with good humor. “If right now doesn’t work for you, I’m free all this week. Do you have a preferred time slot?” he inquired casually.
Shaking his fist in the air, Klink shouted, “HOO-GAAN!”
“What? It was an innocent question!” said Hogan indignantly before he began chuckling. “Look at that, you guys! We got a two-for-one special,” he informed them.
Fritz had just managed to stop rolling on the floor from hysterics and sit up when his uncle yelled the American’s last name. Even though he was able to stay sitting up this time, he began giggling again anyway until tears came out of his eyes. “Oh my, Herr Robert. You certainly have a way with words,” he stated as he calmed down enough to high-five Hogan.
“I can agree with that, brother. I have not laughed like that for quite a while,” Hans chimed in as he giggled.
Seeing her grandchildren truly laughing for the first time in over a year brought a smile to Ingrid’s face. And the fact that the American general on the floor had been the one to cause it made her take an instant liking to him.
“Willie, why are you shouting like that? Nobody here is deaf,” she pointed out.
Just now hearing the nickname for the first time – as he hadn’t noticed it being said earlier with all the drama going on – the younger man let out a snicker and muttered, “Willie. That’s rich.”
Giving his friend a dirty look once he heard the comment, Klink tried to explain what was going on to his mother. “Mutter, I was…I just…I –”
Sighing, Hogan replied, “It was my fault, Frau Klink. I’m used to hearing my name shouted like that, but I always thought it was funny. I just thought maybe your grandsons might want to hear it at least once too, so I baited Wilhelm. I’m sorry if that upset you in any way, but we were just having some fun,” he explained as he got up off the floor.
Cocking her head at the unexpected apology, Klink’s mother said, “I am not upset, Herr General. I was just surprised. I have not seen Fritz and Hans laugh like that in so long, and I am pleased you could bring a smile to their faces.”
“Oh. That’s a good thing then,” the American general responded with a half-smile of his own. “I’d like to request that you call me Robert or Rob, ma’am. The title of ‘Herr General’ reminds me entirely too much of your son’s boss, General Burkhalter. If you’re okay with it, that is. If you’re not, that’s fine too.”
“I…I suppose I could call you Robert. You are certain you do not mind?” she inquired hesitantly.
Hogan shook his head and told her, “Nope. I understand that certain formalities exist and all, but I’ve never been a fan of them. I’m more of a laid-back type of guy instead.”
“Ah, I see. Well, Robert it is then,” said Ingrid as she looked down at her two grandsons. “Hans, why in the world are you wearing Robert’s uniform jacket? Did you get permission for that?” she asked sternly.
“Yes, Oma. Herr Robert said that I could, and he offered me the chance to wear his jacket when he saw me looking at it,” Hans informed her as he stood up.
Klink glared at his youngest nephew and said warningly, “What did you just call Rob, Hans?” He felt that a child using an adult’s first name in any way bordered on disrespect, and that wasn’t going to happen. He would not stand for it while he was around, at any rate.
Seeing the expression on his uncle’s face, the little boy swallowed hard and took a step backward, making quite sure that he was out of his uncle’s grabbing range when he stopped moving. “Herr Robert said it was okay, Onkel Wilhelm! Honestly, he did!”
Hogan rolled his eyes as he stepped forward, making sure that he stood in front of Hans to protect him from his pissed-off uncle. “Ease up, Wilhelm. I said it was fine. And he’s still using the word ‘Herr’ in front of my name, so I don’t know why you’re so upset.”
“Because it is disrespectful, Rob!” Klink hissed in reply, his blue eyes on the oldest of his nephews as he got off of the floor. “And you, Fritz…are you using the same form of address?” he demanded to know.
“Yes, Onkel Wilhelm. But like my brother already explained, Herr Robert said it was okay with him. He made the offer to us. We did not ask to call him that!” the blond-haired boy said hastily as he backed up to stand by his brother as a precautionary tactic. And that way, he was standing behind the American as well!
Ingrid had been watching the entire exchange with interest and shook her head. She could appreciate her son’s feelings about the matter, but there were other factors to consider as well. So she touched Klink’s arm to get his attention before saying, “Willie, do not be such a sourpuss. It is most unusual to be sure, but I see no harm in how your nephews address Robert. As long as he has given his permission, then it is fine.”
“I am not being a sourpuss, Mutter. I am making sure that my nephews remember their manners,” the tall German explained to her impatiently.
Arching an eyebrow, his mother responded, “You mean like you did earlier, my son?”
While the two of them were talking, the former senior POW officer leaned down so both of the boys could hear him. Then he said to them quietly, “I told you he’s got a stick up his butt. You think if your oma pulls the stick out and beats him with it, he might feel any better?”
Fritz let out a snort of laughter, while Hans giggled at the mental picture that those words generated. “Maybe, Herr Robert. You appear to have been right about that,” he whispered.
“I’m always right about stuff, Hans. And if I’m not, I just persuade people until I convince them that I am,” Hogan whispered back in an agreeable tone of voice.
Hearing the giggling, Klink returned his attention to the other three males. “What is so funny, Hans?” he inquired.
Yet before the youngest of the brothers could get himself into any more trouble with his uncle, the American officer raised his hand in the air and waved it around. “Ooh, ooh! I know, pick me!” he exclaimed, acting like a little kid on purpose to annoy his friend.
Letting out a weary sigh and rolling his eyes, the older man addressed him, “Yes, Rob? Are you going to be doing all the talking for the class today?”
“Probably. I’m the only one who knows what’s going on,” Hogan said cheerfully.
Rubbing his temples, Klink ground out, “Then would you mind sharing with everyone else, since you know so much?”
“Sure, why not?” his brat said with a grin. “The class has taken a vote, and it’s unanimous. You, good sir, are a stick in the mud,” he announced.
“That being said, we’ve voted to exclude you from any future meetings of the Escape Committee. We would’ve invited you to this one, but you had a prior engagement,” he finished cheekily as he nodded toward Ingrid.
Despite herself, Frau Klink had to smile. She’d heard that the Americans tended to be blunt, but this one took it to a whole new level. “I have to agree, Willie. Robert is quite correct about his assessment of you.”
“Mutter! A little support here, perhaps?” Klink requested with an annoyed expression on his face.
“The truth hurts, son. You are just like your vater, God rest his soul.” As she looked at the younger general, she added, “My Horst passed away last year of liver failure. He was also a stern man, but he loved me very much.”
Hearing Klink’s dad mentioned made Hogan extremely glad that he had a great poker face when he focused on it. He remembered hearing before that his friend had been abused by his dad, and it took everything he had to remain calm and not start yelling.
Instead, he merely nodded once. Then he managed to sound sincere as he replied, “I’m sorry for your loss, ma’am.”
“Danke. So, what is this you were saying earlier about a meeting of the Escape Committee?” she asked. “Where exactly are you escaping from?”
With another eye roll, Klink cut in to explain the joke. “Rob thinks he is being funny, Mutter. I have never had a single escape from my camp, and he knows it.”
Looking at her youngest child, Klink’s mother replied, “Did I ask you, Willie?”
“No, ma’am,” the older officer admitted with a sheepish expression when he saw the warning look in her eyes.
“Then be quiet until you are spoken to,” she told him irritably.
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied with a scowl, shooting his grinning troublemaker a dirty look. He could see his nephews had smiles on their faces as well, and he was certain that they enjoyed seeing him taken down a peg or two. Rob, what have you done? he pondered. You have corrupted my nephews in a single day!
“Danke,” Ingrid murmured as she turned back to his friend. “Anyway, you were saying?”
“We were just doing some improv, Frau Klink,” Hogan explained to her as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “At one point, I was telling Fritz and Hans all about life in the *toughest POW camp of all of Germany. Naturally, they asked me why nobody had ever escaped from it. After I explained that our fierce Kommandant was the Bald Eagle…I’m sorry, I mean the Iron Eagle –”
Hearing the intentional slip-up, both of Klink’s nephews began giggling again. They remembered what the American had said earlier about making their uncle’s hair fall out, and it was a funny mental picture indeed.
“– we decided to come up with various, off-the-wall ways it might’ve been possible to escape during the war. So we were pretending to be POWs, locked up in Stalag 13. It was just a way for us to have some fun,” he finished.
“Ah, I see. There is no harm in that, but it is a most unusual way to entertain children,” Klink’s mother said. “Certainly, it is not normal.”
“Mutter, nothing about Robert Hogan has ever been what one would call ‘normal’,” the tall German informed her helpfully.
Yet Ingrid chose to say nothing to that declaration, opting instead to give her son another warning glance instead.
When he noticed her expression, Klink slumped his shoulders unhappily and said, “Er, right. Shutting up.”
Then the oldest of the two boys tapped his friend on the hip, trying to get his attention. As soon as he felt in, the younger general leaned down to hear the whispered statement. Then he nodded and straightened up again.
“Fritz just reminded me that we have groceries in the car to bring in, Frau Klink. Is it okay if I borrow your grandsons momentarily to help me bring them in?” Hogan inquired.
Looking stunned by that information, Klink’s mother said, “Groceries? Yes! Yes, of course. That is, unless your onkel has a problem with that.” Then she turned to the former Kommandant and asked, “Do you care, Willie?”
Klink looked at his nephews and his troublemaker in turn before shrugging. “No, Mutter. As long as the boys are willing, I see no reason why it should be a problem.”
“We are willing to help, Oma,” Hans piped up, looking more than happy for the opportunity to get away from his unhappy uncle for a few minutes.
“Oh yes, very willing,” Fritz added as the same idea occurred to him. He also wondered if Hogan would keep his word to them about requesting their favorite foods. So far, he’d been shown to be a man of his word, but things could always change. “Please, lead the way, Herr Robert,” he requested politely.
“Alright, hang on for a second. I just have to get the car keys from your onkel.” Looking up at his friend, he said, “Are they still in your pocket, Wilhelm?”
“Yes, I believe so,” Klink responded. “Let me check – ah. Here you go, Rob,” he said as he dropped the keys in Hogan’s hand.
“Thanks. We’ll be back in a little while,” the American officer told him as Hans took off his uniform jacket and set it carefully on a nearby chair. Then he turned and ushered the two boys out the door, the three of them already chattering excitedly about something as they went.

Having a short chat…
Watching her grandsons appear so relaxed for the first time in a long while made Ingrid very happy. She looked at her son, who was trying – and failing – not to smile. “Robert is such a nice boy. I like him, Willie. And he is very good with children,” she began causally.
“I agree, Mutter. But then, Rob is an overgrown child himself, as I stated before,” Klink murmured, wondering what miracle had transpired in order for his nephews to willingly talk to an American. Even if he knew his former senior POW officer wasn’t the enemy, his family didn’t.
“I did notice that. The first thing I saw when I walked into the room was the three of them sitting on the floor, having their discussion. And Hans was even wearing your friend’s uniform jacket! You know as well as I do that my grandsons do not trust strangers, and Fritz in particular loathes the Americans. Still, Robert had them wrapped around his little finger in the short time that we were gone,” Frau Klink stated, watching her youngest son carefully to see if her suspicions about the younger general were true.
“Yes, well…that is because Rob can wrap anyone around his little finger if he desires to do so,” the older man told her as his cheeks took on a pink tinge. “Including me, it would seem. Insolent, mouthy troublemaker,” he added affectionately.
Klink’s mother smiled and nodded to herself, glad that she’d been correct. “Willie, you should be certain to snap Robert up while you can, before he finds somebody else. A man like that does not come along very often, you know.”
Looking at his mother in confusion, Klink replied, “What?” It wasn’t the most intelligent thing he’d ever said, but at least it was something. Then it clicked in his head what she’d just implied, and he groaned out loud.
“Oh no. Not you too, Mutter. Why does everyone think that Rob and I like each other in that way? We are just friends!” he insisted as the pink tinge darkened somewhat.
“Willie, you both bicker like an old married couple. I was watching you two interact for a long time earlier,” his mother informed him. “But just who is ‘everyone’?”
Throwing up his hands in frustration, the tall German told her. “Everyone that the two of us know, save for my former guards. All five of Rob’s closest friends as well, and both of his parents to boot. You know, everyone!”
“His parents? Robert’s parents live in Germany?” she inquired as her brow furrowed in confusion.
“No, Mutter. They live in the United States, in a place called Connecticut,” Klink said. “We just came from there, actually. Rob drug me with him, insisting to his parents that he would not meet with them without me there. Even though he had not seen them in three years, he was rather firm about that. In addition to that, he made it clear that if they made me feel uncomfortable, we would both leave the restaurant. But –”
He cut himself off at the knowing expression his mother wore. “It means nothing!” he objected quickly. “Rob is merely doing –”
“What he is ‘doing’ is staking his claim on you, Willie. He is making sure that all who meet you know that you are his to protect, and that to slight you in any way would incite his wrath,” Frau Klink interrupted patiently, trying to explain the obvious to her thick-headed son.
“I already know you are bisexual, as I have seen the lustful glances you give other males when you did not know that I was watching. I have also how your touch lingers just a little bit too long when you say goodbye to them as well. Besides, all of those males had dark hair and dark eyes…and Robert does too,” she added.
As a flustered expression crossed his face, Ingrid added, “I am old, not blind. And it was not hard to put two and two together, my son. I am not opposed to that sort of lifestyle, as I believe that love is love. Beyond that, I already have grandchildren from Wolfgang. So, I am satisfied with my lot in life. Just do not act in a romantic manner in front of Hans and Fritz. That is all I ask of you both.”
“I…I…but Mutter, it is not like that! We really are just good friends,” the older officer protested weakly.
“Of course you are, Willie,” said Klink’s mother soothingly. “Tell me, has Rob done anything else unusual since you both left Stalag 13? Anything out of the ordinary?”
“Yes, now that you mention it,” the German general said slowly. “He dragged me to London with him, introduced me to Reichsmarshall Göring himself, and he gave me the opportunity to fly a plane again. Which I took, by the way. Why?” he asked her, not seeing the point that his mom was trying to make so far.
Holding up her hands for silence, Klink’s mother said, “Wait, wait, wait. Did you say he introduced you to Reichsmarshall Göring himself?” Her tone was one of absolute shock, because she couldn’t see how that was possible. “Are you sure it was really him?”
“Yes, Mutter. General Burkhalter was there as well, and he knows the man personally. Rob had asked him to be there and verify that it was not a trick of some kind,” Klink informed his mom. “Göring was the one who personally signed my promotion orders to be promoted to general, upon Rob’s request.”
Cocking her head as she digested that astonishing explanation, Ingrid inquired, “And you say he was a prisoner of war in your camp?”
“Yes, my senior prisoner of war officer,” Klink confirmed with a nod. Then he watched his friend and his nephews bring in some of the groceries, set them down on the floor, and go back outside again.
“And how does a prisoner of war accomplish such feats?” she demanded to know, wondering for a fleeting moment just what type of person her son had managed to mix himself up with.
With a sigh, the former Kommandant responded, “Mutter, let me know when you figure out the answer to that question. There is a long list of people who would like to know the answer to it, including Göring himself.”
Of course, he knew exactly how. But still, he wasn’t going to say anything about the Unsung Heroes’ operation that they’d been running to anyone else.
Nodding in amazement, Frau Klink replied, “I see. And he was able to give you the opportunity to fly a plane again as well? But how, Willie? Your left eye is damaged, so you cannot be a bomber pilot anymore,” she pointed out. She would process how marvelous all of this was later on. But for now, she wanted answers.
A smile played across Klink’s lips as he smiled. “Very true, Mutter. But as Rob truthfully pointed out, I cannot be a bomber pilot anymore. I can still be a civilian one, though. Bomber pilots have to fly in groups and must be able to hit precise targets, but a civilian one flies solo.”
He remembered very well the technicalities his friend had pulled out of his hat to convince him that he would be just fine, and he was truly glad now that he’d let himself be convinced of that.
His mother just shook her head and grinned as his words rang in her head. Practically every sentence he had said during this conversation either directly included his friend’s name or mentioned him in some way. “Rob can wrap anyone around his little finger…He dragged me to London with him…He gave me the opportunity to fly a plane again…Rob had asked him to verify that it was not a trick…Upon Rob’s request…Rob truthfully pointed out…”
Yes, her youngest child was assuredly head over heels in love with the American. Yet instead of being an issue for her, she found the concept truly adorable.
“Son, I can clearly see that Robert is enamored with you. He has performed the impossible many times over, and all merely to make you happy. I do not know how he did all of it, but that is not important. What is important is that you follow your heart. And for the love of God… should he ask you to become romantically involved at all, you say yes! At least give him a chance to court you if nothing else, and do not reject him simply because he is a man. Is that understood, Wilhelm?” she asked sharply.
Taken aback at his mother’s sudden fierce tone of voice, all the German officer could do was nod and say, “Yes, ma’am,” he responded agreeably. Why everyone was so dead set on seeing him and his friend together was something he didn’t know. But it was starting to get annoying, especially when he knew Rob didn’t feel that way about him!
Just then, Hans came tearing into the house. He skidded to a stop and gasped, “Onkel Wilhelm, Oma, come quick! Vater is beating up Herr Robert!” Turning on his heel, he ran out of the house again, shouting something indistinguishable as he went.
“WHAT?” Klink roared in anger, already running for the door. “I will make my brother wish he was never born if he hurts Rob!” Then he bounded down the steps quickly, looking every inch like the hardened Luftwaffe officer he was trained to be. While he rarely acted like that, those traits were showing through clear as day right now.
Following a little slower behind her son due to her age, Ingrid sighed and shook her head. If nothing else, that little display of protectiveness only cemented what she knew in her heart to be true.

Meeting Wolfgang…
Klink sprinted across the lawn towards his older brother, who had just knocked Hogan to the ground. As he was running, he saw Wolfgang kick his brat in the stomach with a steel-toed boot.
“Filthy American!” Wolfgang shouted, kicking the former senior POW officer again when he tried to get up. “How dare you come to my family home and try to kidnap my sons, you damn gangster?!”
Feeling like his heart was going to shatter at his friend’s cries of pain, Klink leaped on top of his brother. He wasn’t that far away, so the jump took them both to the ground. Then the German general sat on top of him and punched his older brother in the nose, hard.
“You bloody dummkopf! That is my friend, Wolfgang!” Klink snarled viciously, punching him again but in the temple so he wouldn’t strangle his brother instead. “Leave him alone!”
“Who the fuck are you?” spat Wolfgang as he socked the tall German in his left eye. He didn’t recognize his younger brother in a Luftwaffe general’s uniform, it seemed. Or without his monocle, which had fallen out by the porch steps.
By this time, Hogan had gotten up off of the ground and was looking for an opening to pull Wolfgang off of his self-appointed disciplinarian. He also stopped breathing momentarily when he heard Klink’s cry of pain and saw him fall to the side. Oh, hell no! You don’t get to hurt Wilhelm, motherfucker. Not today, and not ever, he thought furiously.
So he ignored his aching stomach and barked, “Hey, asshole! Your fight is with me. Leave Wilhelm alone!” The shout drew Wolfgang’s attention toward him instead of his friend, which was precisely the goal he had in mind. If this guy wants to fight, I can do that. No problem, he thought.
Then he clocked his assailant in the mouth as he growled, “He’s my friend, you dickhead! And this is his family home too, so fuck off!” His teeth were bared in a most unpleasant manner, and it took everything he had in him not to pummel the other man to death.
“Yeah, right,” the oldest Klink brother sneered as Hogan blocked the punch he’d just thrown at his nose. “Tell me another lie, you corrupt bastard. I…did you say Wilhelm?” he asked in a puzzled voice, shoving the American officer away from him.
“Brother? Is that really you?” Wolfgang inquired with a confused expression on his face as he got off of the ground. “Why are you dressed like that? Where is your real uniform, not to mention your monocle?”
“Right now, I am debating if I want to be your brother at all! But yes, you dummkopf. It is me, Wilhelm. And this is my real uniform,” snapped Klink angerly, accepting the hand up from his troublemaker as he glared at his older brother.
“Or it is now, I should say. I have been promoted after all these years. As to my monocle, I do not know where it is. It fell out somewhere by the steps, I think,” he added.
Hogan was tensed up, radiating the same protective, dangerous vibes as he had before. He didn’t like Wolfgang Klink so far, and they hadn’t even been properly introduced yet! So unless something drastically changed, he would continue to keep that opinion.
Turning to the younger of the older man’s nephews, he made a request. “Hans, can you find your onkel’s monocle for him and put it in the house? I’d hate for it to get broken on accident.”
Hans looked slightly shaken at what he’d just witnessed, and the former senior POW couldn’t really blame him. Still, he responded, “Jawohl, Herr Robert,” before he headed for the steps.
“Who the hell are you to be asking anything of my son, gangster?” demanded Wolfgang. “And since when does your kind speak German?”
“I learned it back in the States, but I fine-tuned my knowledge of it over here. Germans aren’t the only cultured people around, you –”
He cut himself off mid-sentence as Klink’s mother finally made her way over to the three men. Then she glared at each of them in turn before turning her gaze on her oldest son and addressing him.
“I am ashamed of you, Wolfgang Günther Klink! Attacking Robert for no reason at all,” she scolded, waving her finger in his face. “Maybe you should have bothered to ask before jumping him, yes?”
The oldest Klink brother had the grace to look embarrassed. “But Mutter, I did not think –”
“Precisely! You did not think, Wolfie, and that was the whole problem,” Ingrid lectured as she turned to her youngest son. “And you, Wilhelm Friederich Klink! Fighting in front of your nephews like that like a common thug. What kind of an example are you setting for them, hmmm?”
Klink looked surprised at being yelled at merely for defending his brat, but he protested anyway. “Mutter, I was only –”
“Save it, Willie. I do not want to hear your excuses right now. Which brings me to you, Robert! Robert…er…” Frau Klink trailed off as she realized that she didn’t know what his middle name was.
“Edward. Robert Edward Hogan, ma’am,” he offered reluctantly, even though he hated his middle name. He’d been a part of the fight that had just happened, so he figured that he ought to be a part of the dressing down as well. It was only fair to him, even if this were one of those times that he wished his moral compass would go die in a hole somewhere.
Above all, it would prove to everyone here that he didn’t think himself better than anyone else. If it’d just been Klink’s older brother, he would have left him alone to fry. But his self-appointed disciplinarian was a part of this too, so he couldn’t do that.
Wolfgang and his younger brother shared a disbelieving glance, unable to believe the information Hogan had just freely given to their mother. Ingrid was briefly surprised by it too, but she took it in stride as she proceeded to chew him out next.
“What is wrong with you, Robert Edward Hogan? How could you just attack Wolfie like that? What possessed you to do such a thing?”
Figuring he wasn’t going to get very far, the former senior POW officer tried to explain himself anyway. Klink’s mother had the same gift that his mom had, and that was to make him feel like a heel rather quickly. Maybe it’s just a mom thing, he thought.
“Frau Klink, I was just –”
“I do not care what you were ‘just’, Robert!” she said sharply, glancing at each of the three men in turn. All of them looked appropriately ashamed as they waited for her to talk.
“Now, I want all of you to listen to me. The three of you can bring in the rest of the groceries by yourselves. I am going into the house now, along with Fritz and Hans. They will be putting away the food that was already brought in under my supervision, which will enable me to check on all of you from time to time.”
She paused, making sure her next words sunk in. “Should I find any of you fighting out here again, I promise that I will take a switch to those people’s backsides. And I will do it to the other one as well,” she said firmly, glancing at both of her sons and Hogan in turn to be sure that her meaning was clear.
“No matter which two of you are doing the fighting, you will all be punished equally for even taking part in this nonsense. You are all adults, and you will all behave like adults while you are in my home. Do you understand me, boys?” Ingrid demanded.
“Yes, ma’am,” the three men said simultaneously, looking at their feet sheepishly.
“Good,” she said as she turned and headed for the house, calling for her grandsons.
There was a minute or two of awkward silence after she left while everyone digested what they had been told. None of them wanted to be the first to say something, until Hogan decided to speak up.
“Okay, so I’ve got an excellent idea. And I think you’ll both be on board with it,” he began. “In the interest of not having a switch taken to our behinds, I think we’d better settle any differences we have right now. Because even though I don’t know what a switch is, it still sounds painful to me. What do you guys think?”
“I completely agree with that idea, Rob,” Klink said hastily as he looked at his brother. “What about you, brother?”
“I concur, Wilhelm. I do not want a switch taken to me today. Or any other day, preferably,” Wolfgang affirmed. He gazed at his youngest brother, noticing the familiar tone of address he used with the other general. “In the spirit of avoiding another miscommunication, would you mind introducing us, Willie?”
Nodding, Klink told him, “Yes. Wolfie, this is my friend General Robert Hogan, of the United States Army Air Force. Rob, this is my older brother Wolfgang Klink. He is older than me by three years,” he explained.
The oldest Klink brother sized up the American general for a moment, noticing that Hogan was doing the same to him in return. The younger man noticed that unlike his brother, Wolfgang had a full head of hair. It was half platinum blond and half silver, and his eyes were hazel. And as his friend had told him before, his brother was taller, heavier, and of a stockier body type instead of lanky.
Finally, Wolfgang stepped forward and offered his hand to shake. “How are you, Herr General? We seem to have met under some unusual circumstances,” he said warily.
The American officer stepped up to him and shook his hand. “I’ve been better, being as I’ve had a most interesting day since I got here. But I really hate that form of address, so please call me Robert, or Rob. How are you doing, Wolfgang?”
Wolfgang nodded briskly as they ended the handshake. “I am okay, all things considered. My younger brother socked me in the nose and the temple, and you punched me in the mouth. All because I was trying to protect my sons!”
“I –” Hogan cut off his reply as something occurred to him. He turned to his friend and asked, “Wait a minute. Wilhelm, why did you jump on your brother like that?”
Looking baffled as to why his troublemaker didn’t know the answer to such an obvious question, Klink said, “Why, because he was kicking you in the stomach, of course. What is on your mind, Rob? I can already see the wheels turning in your head,” he teased.
But his friend shook his head rapidly, an amused grin crossing his face as he spoke. “It just occurred to me that we had one heck of a miscommunication,” he informed them.
“How do you figure that, Robert?” Wolfgang inquired curiously, wondering where the former senior POW officer was headed in his line of thinking.
“It’s simple, really. I was out here unloading the groceries from the car with your kids, and you somehow thought I was trying to kidnap them,” Hogan explained. “So, you started to beat me up for it. Wilhelm heard about it and came out here to beat you up for beating me up, and somehow you didn’t recognize him.”
He could see the realization begin to dawn on the brothers’ faces as he continued on. “So, you hit him back. That pissed me off even more, so I hit you because you hit Wilhelm. But that’s when you realized who he was, right as your guys’ mom came out here,” he finished, looking smug at having connected all the puzzle pieces together.
Klink groaned and did a facepalm as he said, “My God, talk about a terrible misunderstanding. And did you have to punch me in the left eye, Wolfie? I already have problems with that one,” he complained.
“What are you complaining about, Willie? I think you may have broken my nose,” Wolfgang told him as he touched it gingerly. “Not to mention clocking me in the side of the head.”
“Well, you had Rob down on the ground and were kicking him in the stomach. No matter the reason, no one is allowed to injure my friend like that. Count yourself lucky that you got in that punch when you did,” the tall German said grimly.
That reminded the oldest Klink brother of something as he looked at the American general. “Yet you punched me in the mouth! Why, when I was fighting Willie instead?” he asked, trying to understand what the hell was going on here.
“You hit Wilhelm in the eye,” Hogan responded irritably, moving closer to his friend as he continued to throw off the same protective vibes he’d been doing this whole time. “And I forgot to breathe for a few seconds when I heard him cry out like that. Nobody hurts Wilhelm, and I’m willing to kill anyone that tries,” he growled.
With a glare, Wolfgang growled back, “Are you threatening me, Robert?”
“Nope, just stating the facts. That’s a blanket statement, by the way, so it applies to everyone. Not just you. I would rather die than see any harm come to this man standing next to me,” the younger officer told him adamantly.
Rolling his eyes, the former Kommandant interjected, “Rob, stop being a drama queen! You would not do that,” he stated assuredly.
“I’m not being a drama queen! You know how I am by now, and you know that I consider you a good friend of mine. I’ve stood toe-to-toe with Major Hochstetter on multiple occasions, willing to do whatever he and the Gestapo wanted as long as he left my team – and the other prisoners – alone,” Hogan declared with a scowl.
“I’d do anything to protect my friends, so do you really think that I’m not being serious right now? Geez, Wilhelm, give me some credit. If I could put you in a protective bubble to keep you safe for the rest of your life, I would. But I can’t!” he finished in a frustrated tone of voice.
Klink sighed as he thought about that. “That is true. But I am not the one who needs to be in a protective bubble, because I am not the one who is headstrong and reckless!” he retorted. “That description fits you to a fault, Rob. Perhaps we should place you in one instead. That way, you might have to actually think before you act, yes?”
It was his troublemaker’s turn to roll his eyes at that comment. “Please, when have I ever gone off and done something without thinking? Recently,” he said quickly after seeing the incredulous look on the tall German’s face.
“Hmmm, let me think about that for a second,” Klink said sarcastically. “How about when you threatened to beat up Göring in several different ways at Camp Ashcan? All he did was make a few observational statements, yet you flew off the handle, Rob!”
“And I still say that was a low-key threat!” Hogan shot back in annoyance.
Wolfgang had been watching the back and forth debate between his younger brother and the American, who did indeed seem to be friends. But now he held up his hands to clarify what he was sure that he’d misheard. “Wait a moment. Did you say ‘Göring’, Willie? As in, Reichsmarshall Göring?” he asked with a stunned expression.
Turning to his older brother, Klink said, “I did. He was the one who personally promoted me to general, and Rob managed to get us a meeting with him. He has done a great deal of other things too,” he said with obvious pride.
Wolfgang glanced at the younger general, who had calmed down by now and looked embarrassed instead. “I think you had better fill me in, brother. I get the feeling there is much I do not know about,” he said.
“You have no idea, Wolfie,” said Klink with a chuckle. Then he proceeded to fill his brother in on everything that had happened since the end of war as they decided who should grab what groceries. Yet he omitted the part about the Unsung Heroes’ operation throughout the story as he told the absurd tale.
The older Klink’s jaw was hanging open as he stared at the American with new respect. “Robert, you obviously care a great deal about Wilhelm as a friend to do such feats. But I –”
“Please, don’t mention it,” Hogan interrupted as he blushed. “I don’t need any type of praise or attention for that stuff. I’m just glad that I could make Wilhelm happy.”
Then he looked at the few bags of groceries he held and changed the subject. “So, what exactly is a switch?” he asked.
“It is usually just another name for a bamboo cane,” Klink explained to him. “But sometimes it is literally a thin tree branch. It just depends on the welder’s personal preference and what is available at the time.”
It was Hogan’s turn for his mouth to hang open as he tried to process the idea of being spanked with an actual tree branch. That was one mental image that he could’ve lived the rest of his life without ever picturing, to be sure. “I’m going to guess that having a switch used on you is painful, then?”
“Very much so,” Wolfgang said grimly, wincing as he recalled his memories of it. “It hurts worse than a whip, or so I am told. Have you never been spanked before, Robert?”
Hogan shared a glance with his friend and barely managed to avoid blushing. “Um, nope. Never had that experience, thankfully,” he lied through his teeth.
“Lucky you,” the oldest Klink brother muttered. “Maybe I should have been raised in the United States instead.”
“I have to agree, Wolfie,” Klink chimed in as his own memories of that surfaced and he winced too. “We might have been able to spend more time sitting down.”
“Well, most parents over there still discipline their kids in the traditional way. My parents just believe in extra chores as a deterrent instead,” the younger officer informed both of them. “But why do you ask?”
Wolfgang shrugged as he replied, “Again, lucky you. I only asked because most people already know what a switch is. So it surprised me that you did not.”
Nodding, Hogan said, “That makes sense, I guess. If we’re finally ready to go back in the house, I think we should agree on three things.”
“Please tell me you are not scheming something again,” his friend responded as he groaned and facepalmed, earning a puzzled glance from his older brother.
“Hey, they always work, right? So don’t knock the system, Wilhelm,” Hogan told his friend indignantly.
“Rob always has the most off-the-wall, insane ideas that I have ever heard,” the German officer explained when he saw the look, remembering that Wolfgang hadn’t experienced any of that yet.
“Oh, I see,” the oldest Klink brother stated with a half-smile. That had been an interesting reaction from his normally serious sibling. “What would those ideas be, Robert?”
The American general looked at both Wolfgang and Klink together as he laid out his proposal. “Number one: we need to be at least civil to each other once we get in the house. I don’t want to set a bad example for the kids, you know?”
He paused for breath before he spoke again. “Number two: We can’t go around beating the sh…crap out of each other. I don’t feel like having a switch used on my rear end just because we can’t figure out how to get along. Especially not after hearing about how much it hurts.”
With a weary sigh, he added, “And number three: we all need to apologize to your guys’ mom. It doesn’t have to be all at the same time, but we should get it over and done with. I really hate to admit it, but she was right,” Hogan finished, sounding reluctant about the whole concept.
The two brothers looked at each other, processing the ideas that Hogan had proposed. Finally, the older one said slowly, “I can agree to the first two, but you are suggesting that we apologize to our mutter? For what? We were only settling a simple misunderstanding!” he exclaimed, looking offended by the very idea.
“Yes, Rob. I can agree to the first two as well, but not the third one. We are all grown men, and we were handling things as grown men sometimes do. There is no need for that,” the tall German chimed in, appearing to be insulted by the prospect.
“That is true,” Hogan allowed as he thought about that. “But we’re also grown men who are going to be punished like little kids if we don’t appease Frau Klink somehow. And we’d have an audience if that happens too, which is something that I’m not going to be able to handle,” he said tenaciously. He was also blushing slightly as he recalled a long-ago threat, one made about that very thing during the war.
“Besides, I could be wrong about this. But I get the feeling that sweet old lady in there is a force to be reckoned with when she’s mad. I’ve got enough problems regarding stubborn women with my own mom, so I sure don’t need any more of them. Besides that, I kinda like being able to sit down, you know?” he finished glumly.
Wolfgang thought that over for a few minutes, replaying his mother’s words in his head. “I guess you are right,” he admitted unhappily. “Willie, it will not be pleasant for us to do. But Robert is right. We both know it…unfortunately,” he muttered.
“Look, I’m not too thrilled about the idea either. But sometimes we have to do stuff that we don’t want to do. That’s just life,” Hogan said reasonably as he looked at his friend. “What do think, Wilhelm?”
“I utterly loathe the idea. I have always hated apologizing to anyone, even when I knew I was in the wrong. But you are correct, Rob,” the older man admitted in a distressed tone of voice.
As the younger general picked up what he’d decided to carry in, he asked, “So do we do this as a group thing in the kitchen with your mom, so none of us has to do that much talking? Or individually instead? We need a game plan here.”
“I vote we do so as a group. Like you just pointed out, it will mean less talking for everyone,” Klink said as he picked up his share of the groceries.
“That sounds like the best plan. Should we do it after we bring in the groceries?” asked his older brother as he grabbed the remainder of them. Then he shut the trunk and locked the car while he waited for an answer.
“Yeah, might as well get it over with. And it’s settled, then,” Hogan said with a forlorn sigh as he began to walk towards the house. “Let’s go face the music.”
“Indeed,” the brothers said together as they followed him. Neither one was happy about what they had to do, but they would manage anyway.

Interesting points of view…
“There you boys are! I thought for certain that I would have to come back out there in a few minutes and switch all three of you for fighting,” Frau Klink said coolly. She watched all three men blush beet-red at her words and immediately look at their feet instead, which was encouraging to witness.
“No, Mutter! You will not have to do that, I assure you,” Wolfgang said hastily as he stepped backwards and nudged his younger brother forward. “Tell her, Willie.”
“Oh! No, no, that will not be necessary, Mutter. I can promise you that,” Klink quickly agreed, stepping backwards as well and shoving his friend forward. “Go ahead and explain, Rob.”
Rob looked at the two Klink brothers standing behind him and raised his eyebrows. “Thanks, guys. Really, it’s so nice of you,” he deadpanned.
“You are welcome,” they said together, happy it wasn’t them who had to give the initial explanation.
Groaning, he faced forward again and addressed Klink’s mother. “Frau Klink, can the three of us talk to you in the kitchen? Alone?” he requested, stressing the word ‘alone’ so that she would know that he didn’t want the kids to hear what they had to say.
Giving the former senior POW officer a bewildered look, she replied, “Of course, Robert. All of you, follow me.” Then she turned and walked toward the kitchen to shoo the two boys out of it so they could talk to her.
As she led the way, Hogan noticed that both Wilhelm and Wolfgang made sure to stay behind him. Since he didn’t want Klink’s mother to hear them talking, they began whispering instead. “You guys suck,” he said, beginning the conversation.
“It was your idea, Rob,” the former Kommandant informed his friend.
“Yes, this was your plan, not ours,” the oldest Klink male chimed in.
“That’s true,” Hogan admitted unhappily. “But I’d better not be the only one doing any of talking in there.”
“Do not worry, Rob. We are all in this together,” Klink said reassuringly.
The oldest Klink brother looked at the younger one and questioned, “We are?” That hadn’t been what he’d planned on doing. His plans had been to let the American do all the talking for both of them.
“Yes,” Klink said firmly. “Rob was humble enough to throw his lot in with you and I when he could have easily avoided doing so. It is only right that we repay the favor and support him on this.”
Wolfgang let out a low groan and shook his head. “Willie, you are too soft for your own good. When did you get so sentimental? When I last saw you, you appeared to be an emotionless jackass. What changed?”
Frowning at his brother’s choice of language, the German officer informed him, “It was Rob’s influence. He showed me that it is good to actually care about people, not merely interact with them.”
Which reminded him of something that he needed to say. “By the way, you need to watch your mouth around your sons. Fritz was using the term ‘damn gangster’ earlier, and Hans informed me that that is what you call the Americans. I corrected him already, but I wanted to let you know about it.”
“Duly noted, Wilhelm,” Wolfgang said as they reached the kitchen and stopped. “Now what are we waiting for?” he inquired in a normal tone of voice.
Hogan pointed towards the far end of the kitchen and replied, “I thought you might want to be the farthest away from your mom, Wolfgang. Wilhelm can be on my other side, and that leaves me in the middle. That way, I can offer both of you some type of support just by merely being there. It also puts me in the direct line of fire, so speak,” he added with a casualness he didn’t feel.
Wolfgang nodded once and followed Hogan’s directive. That was a pretty nice thing to do, and it made him feel bad about his previous plans. He would’ve never volunteered to do that, personally, and it made him think a little differently about the younger man.
Klink looked at his troublemaker, and the expression on his face was one of pride. Hogan had displayed his selfless streak yet again, and he was indeed proud to call the younger man his friend.
In return, his brat gave him that familiar, lopsided grin. The tall German saw it and mouthed ‘I am proud of you, Rob’ to him, receiving a small nod in return as they filed into the kitchen and positioned themselves.
“So, what is all of this about, boys?” Ingrid asked, tapping her foot impatiently. “Which one of you wants to explain what is going on now?”
Taking a deep breath, Hogan steeled himself to start things off. After all, it had been his idea. The brothers had been right about that! “Frau Klink, we’d –”
“– like to apologize to you,” Wolfgang interjected, having made a split-second decision in that moment that he would help out with the group apology. “I should not have attacked Robert like that without thinking, and I –”
“– was a dummkopf too, Mutter,” Klink chimed in, not about to be the only coward in their little group. “I know quite well how to use my words instead of my fists, which is something that I should have done. So, I –”
“– apologize for socking your oldest son in the mouth,” the former senior POW officer said, having finally recovered his wits from the united front they appeared to be presenting without any prior discussion about it. “That wasn’t okay for us to –”
“– be doing in front of Fritz and Hans,” the oldest son interrupted again. “Or at all, as they did not need –”
“– to witness their onkel beating up their vater,” the German general added, cutting off his brother as he spoke. “Anyway, we are –”
“– sorry for acting like children,” the three of them finished in unison, looking at each other in surprise. They hadn’t planned for the apology to happen quite like that, but it had done so anyway.
Klink’s mother stood there for a moment, fighting a smile at what she had just witnessed. She could tell that it hadn’t been rehearsed by the way they all kept cutting each other off randomly, but she had to know one thing. “And whose idea was it to apologize?”
The three men all spoke at the same time, each of them giving a different answer.
“Wilhelm’s,” said Hogan, not wanting the credit for this. He also wanted to get his friend back into his mom’s good books as well.
“Wolfgang’s,” said Klink, figuring that maybe their mother might be more inclined to forgive them if she thought it had been his idea. After all, he’d always been the apple of her eye.
“Robert’s,” said Wolfgang, knowing it was only fair for the American to receive credit for his idea.
Hogan gave the two brothers an irritated glance before looking at Ingrid again and sheepishly adding, “All of ours, apparently.”
One corner of Frau Klink’s mouth twitched upward as she talked to them. Even though she had an inkling of what the truth actually was, it didn’t really matter. “I see. Well, I appreciate the apology from all of you, and I accept it.”
It was amusing to watch both of her sons sag with relief, along with Robert as well. He might not have been one of her sons, but he was certainly acting like one of them right now!
“Now, if you do not mind, I have to figure out what I should cook with these unexpected groceries,” she added. “This is such a blessing. Thank you, Willie. And you as well, Robert,” she added.
Klink shook his head as he spoke. “I was merely the driver, Mutter. Rob insisted on paying for them, because he said it was only proper. He actually slapped my hand away when I tried to hand the cashier money. Can you imagine such a thing?” he inquired.
“Wilhelm! It wasn’t a big deal. I mean, you don’t just come over to someone’s house and ask them to cook for you without bringing supplies,” his friend protested. His cheeks took on a pink tinge as he talked, ashamed of the praise he was being given.
Ingrid studied Hogan for a moment when she saw that before addressing him. “You seem to be easily embarrassed by praise, Robert. Even when it is merely an action you have done that is a good thing, you do not like to receive any recognition for it,” she observed.
“No, ma’am,” Hogan said with a rapid shake of his head. “I don’t need any type of praise or recognition for the stuff that I do. I just like doing nice things for others, and I try to help people where I can.”
Klink’s mother cocked her head as she considered that point of view. “You are very humble, then. It is all well and good to be humble, but make sure that you are recognized for the deeds you do sometimes as well,” she advised him.
“I’ll keep in mind,” the younger general promised her. I won’t listen to that advice, but I’ll keep it mind, he thought.
Changing the subject, he asked, “Would it be too much trouble if you could make a homemade meal for me and Wilhelm? We haven’t had one in ages, and the two of us can’t cook that well,” he admitted with a grimace.
“We’d share the food with everyone, of course!” he tacked on quickly, remembering Hans’ words from earlier. “And if you’re not feeling up to it, I can understand. But I…that is…um, it never hurts to ask,” he finished lamely.
“That would be no problem at all, Robert,” responded Frau Klink slowly. “I…did you just say that the two of you cannot cook that well?” she asked in disbelief. “Willie, since when do you know how to cook anything?”
“I only made some of the easier dishes you have made for us, Mutter,” Klink told her as his cheeks turned pink. “We had no money, no way to get any money, and no place to buy food immediately after the war ended. We only had the food that was already on hand, so we had to figure out something.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Hogan piped up helpfully. “So Wilhelm made me German eggs, cheese noodles, and potato dumplings. They were different meals, of course, but he still made them. And they tasted great.”
“My brother made that?” Wolfgang asked in a shocked tone. “More importantly, it was edible? That is an incredible feat.”
Nodding, Hogan confirmed, “He sure did. I was a little confused about how he was going to make cheese noodles for us when there were no noodles on hand, but it worked out in the end.”
Ingrid looked at her son with narrowed eyes. “And just where did you learn that skill, Willie?”
“From watching you cook, Mutter,” Klink explained awkwardly as his blush deepened.
“Now I have seen it all. My son cooked a dish and did not poison anyone,” she murmured as she looked at Hogan again. “If I cook for you, may I keep any leftover groceries for my grandchildren to eat?” she requested hesitantly.
Hogan stared at her for a minute, the light bulb clicking on in his head a little faster than it had earlier. “Frau Klink, you can keep all of the groceries whether you cook for us or not. There’s no kind of condition that has to be met for you to keep them. We were just making a simple request,” Hogan informed her.
“Oh. Well, then yes. I will cook for you,” she told him. “What would you like to eat?”
“Is there enough stuff here to make Bienenstich and Schinken-Kohl-Auflauf, by chance?” he asked. “If not, we can go and get more stuff for you to make it. I’ve heard a couple of people say that they highly recommend trying those two foods.”
“Yes, I am sure you have,” said Wolfgang dryly. “I am also sure that the people who highly recommend it are named Hans and Fritz Klink.”
“Well…maybe,” the American admitted with a mischievous grin. “They did make it sound pretty good.”
“Those are their favorite foods, Rob. Of course they made them sound good,” Klink pointed out.
“I know that. They told me that much,” his friend responded. “And I told them I’d ask if those foods could be made, since I haven’t had any German dishes other than the three I mentioned earlier. Besides, kids are notoriously picky about what they’ll eat, so it keeps everyone happy.”
Then he looked at the older man and asked, “Do you have a problem with any of that, Wilhelm?”
Klink shook his head and said, “I do not mind. My nephews have excellent taste, I will give them credit for that.”
In turn, he looked at his brother and added, “What about you, Wolfie? Do you have a problem with it?”
The oldest Klink male rubbed his chin as he considered the question. “Hmmm, I do not know. Usually, the boys only get their favorite food on their birthdays,” he said.
Hogan nodded as an idea came to mind. “Yeah, they told me that too. But Frau Klink also said there hasn’t been much food around here in the last year or so. So, wouldn’t that mean that they missed their chance to have them on their last birthdays?” he asked reasonably.
“Yes,” said the oldest Klink brother slowly. “Your point being, Robert?”
“My point is, now they have that chance to make up for lost time,” Hogan told him. “I think it’d be a nice thing to do, if you’re okay with it. But they’re your kids, so the decision ultimately falls to you.”
Wolfgang cocked his head, studying the younger general intently for a minute or two. “I have already gathered that you are a decent man. But why do you care so much if my sons are happy or not?”
Hogan blew a breath of air upwards, causing his hair to ruffle slightly. “Because I like your sons. They’re really clever, and they’ve got a great sense of humor to boot. Besides, those two boys out there are part of the future. When all of us are long dead, they’ll still be here and raising families of their own. I don’t know exactly when the tension between my country and yours is going to fade away completely, or if it ever will. But I’d like them to always remember there was at least one American who tried to do right by them, so they won’t grow up bitter toward anyone else who happens to be one,” he explained.
“Wilhelm gave me a chance, you know. He took the time to get to know me. And I mean really get to know me, not just a causal ‘hello’ here and there. He would’ve been well within his rights to dismiss me as just another prisoner, only talking to me once a day as required by the Geneva Conventions since I was the senior POW officer. But he reached out to me, Wolfgang, not the other way around. He invited me to his quarters at night to play chess and talk. And he also invited me to various shindigs whenever some of his brass visited the camp. That way, I had a chance to enjoy some decent food and socialize with other people,” he added.
“As the Kommandant, he didn’t have to do any of that. But he did. And he also treated every last one of us with decency and respect, like the human beings we were. I have friends who were transferred to Stalag 13 both before and after I arrived, and they all said the same thing about the other camps: life wasn’t worth living at any of them. At each one, the prisoners were treated horribly, like nothing more than unwanted animals. For everything Wilhelm has done for me, your brother has my utmost respect until the day I die,” he informed them all with a firm nod.
“I mess with him a lot, don’t get me wrong. Heck, I always will too, because that’s just how we are with one another. But like I said earlier, I’ll kill anyone who hurts him. And I mean that literally, even if I go down with them. At least I’ll have tried, and that’s what matters to me,” the American said, holding his head high with visible pride in his friend as he finished his mini-speech.
Both Ingrid and her oldest son turned to look at Klink, who was blushing a dark red by now. “Is all of that true, brother?” Wolfgang asked. “Did you really –”
“Please, do not mention it. Really, I was not as noble as Rob makes me out to be,” his younger brother interrupted. “I only did what any decent person would do.”
“Willie,” his mom replied thoughtfully. “I can see now why Robert is so protective of you. I would be as well, had I been in his shoes.”
“Mutter, please. I could not be so cruel to anyone as to treat them like dirt. Honestly, it was a question of honor,” Klink protested weakly.
“Either way, son, I very am proud of you,” Frau Klink said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Danke, I suppose,” he replied in a low voice, highly uncomfortable with being showered in praise.
“You are welcome, Willie.” Turning back to her oldest son, she asked, “Well, Wolfie? Do you still have a problem with me making Hans and Fritz’s favorite foods?”
Wolfgang shook his head with a small smile. “Not after that glowing description of my brother’s character, I do not.”
“Good,” she told him as she looked at Hogan again. “In answer to your question, there are enough things to make what you have requested here. But how are you certain that I know how to make those dishes?” she inquired.
The younger man cleared his throat and said, “Your grandsons speak very highly of your cooking skills. To quote Hans when I asked him if you cooked at all: “Ooh, yes. Our oma makes everything you can think of, and then some.” So I’d say they’ve got complete confidence in your abilities, ma’am,” he responded with a grin.
“I would say so,” Klink piped up, having managed to get his blushing under control by now. “That sounds like a vote of confidence to me.”
“You mean five votes, Willie,” his older brother corrected him. “Fritz, Hans, you, me and apparently Robert.”
“That is true. Five votes of confidence then,” Klink said agreeably.
Looking at Ingrid, he asked her excitedly, “So can I tell the boys that you’ll make those foods then, Frau Klink?”
“You may, Robert,” she confirmed with a smile and a shake of her head. Her son had been right before when he said that Robert Hogan acted like an overgrown child.
“Yes!” he cheered, looking very pleased with himself. “I wish I’d known that they just had their birthdays, because I would’ve –”
He cut himself off, looking horrified all of a sudden. “Oh, crap! I’ll be back,” he said over his shoulder as he ran out of the kitchen.
“Robert is a very strange individual, Willie. But I like him a great deal. He is good for you,” Wolfgang announced unexpectedly as they heard a loud noise.
“What in the world was that?” his mother asked as she began the food preparations. “Robert tore out of the kitchen like there were demons after him.”
“I would guess that was Rob delivering the news to my wonderful nephews,” her youngest son deadpanned. “Though I could not tell you why he did that, Mutter. I have long ago given up trying to figure out how his clever, yet odd mind works.”
Then he looked at his brother curiously. “And what is that supposed to mean, Wolfie?”
Shrugging, Wolfgang gave his younger brother a teasing smirk. “It means maybe you will learn how to have fun now. You have always been far too serious for your own good, and you tend to be a stick in the mud.”
“I am not a stick in the mud!” Klink said indignantly as his mother began to chuckle behind him. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”
“Yes, you are. And just who is ‘everyone’?” his older brother inquired curiously.
“Rob, for one. He said it earlier,” the tall German said in an annoyed tone of voice. “It seems that he discussed it with Fritz and Hans, who agree with him. And so does our mutter,” he tacked on as his tone became a sullen one instead.
“I am sorry if the truth hurts, little brother. But you can always change that, you know,” Wolfgang informed him in a playful voice as he nudged his brother’s shoulder.
“Wolfie, I am well aware of how to have fun. Just ask Rob,” Klink explained irritably.
“Just ask Rob what?” asked Hogan as he walked back into the kitchen with his hands behind his back. “What’d I do now, Wilhelm?”
The older officer looked behind him to see that his friend had returned, only to frown when he saw him. “Rob, why in heaven’s name did you run out of here like that?”
“Oh, I just realized that I forgot something important. So, what’s up, Wilhelm? What am I being accused of now?” he inquired suspiciously. Geez, did I somehow make him mad already? What’d I do? he wondered.
Klink motioned to a still-smirking Wolfgang as he spoke. “My darling brother is of the opinion that I am a stick in the mud. But I told him that I know how to have fun, and I suggested that he ask you to confirm it,” he replied.
Hogan looked at the German general, grinning mischievously but staying silent.
With a sigh, Klink said, “We are not mind readers, Rob. So if you could say what is on that witty mind of yours, I would appreciate it.”
But the former senior POW officer just gave him an innocent look as he said, “I’d love to, I really would. But my mom always said that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. So I wasn’t,” he responded sassily.
“Mmmmpf!” Klink said as he swung his arm, glaring at his older brother as he heard him begin to laugh. “Have you forgotten our wrestling match already? As I recall, I won it fair and square,” he said with a grin.
“There’s no need to gloat about it, Wilhelm,” Hogan said as he folded his arms and sulked. “You took me by surprise, that’s all.”
“I beg your pardon? You two had a wrestling match?” asked Wolfgang as he regained his composure again.
“Yes, and I beat him with the same move I frequently used on you all those years ago,” the former Kommandant told him with a self-satisfied expression.
“Did he really?” the oldest Klink brother asked with interest, glad to know that it wasn’t just him that had been fooled by that move.
“Unfortunately, yes. He knocked me to the floor out of nowhere and had me pinned pretty good. I couldn’t get away to get back onto my feet, no matter how much I wanted to. And believe me, I wanted to. Then he told me later on that he hadn’t used that move in over two decades, which didn’t help my pride at all,” Hogan retorted irritably.
“Do not feel bad, Robert. I have lost count of how many times I have been taken down by Willie with that same move in our wrestling matches,” Wolfgang admitted, wanting to let the younger man know that he wasn’t alone in that.
“Yeah well, it still sucked,” the American informed him as he changed the subject. “Anyway, we should get out of the kitchen. That way, your guys’ mom has room to work.”
“That would be much appreciated,” said Frau Klink dryly, though she still had a smile on her face from listening to their conversation. She flicked her hands at the three men and added, “Now, shoo! I will call you when dinner is ready.”
“Yes, ma’am,” replied Hogan with a nod. “But before I forget again, I wanted to give these to you. So, here you go,” he said as he dropped a pair of earrings in her hand.
The earrings were a pair of colorful parrots, made out of sterling silver and painted different colors. Their eyes were made of fire opals, which seemed to change colors depending on what direction they were moved in.
Ingrid put her hand to her mouth and gasped, touched by such a thoughtful gift. “Ohhh, these are gorgeous, Robert. Danke!” she said as she gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “They are perfect. But how did you know that I liked parrots?” she asked.
“Wilhelm told me,” Hogan said as a pink tinge appeared in his cheeks from the show of affection. “If you’re anything like my mom, I figured that you’d use anything practical to take care of your family first and yourself second. So I wanted you to have something that was purely yours to enjoy,” he explained.
“Besides, my mom told me that I should always bring a gift when I visit someone for the first time. And she’d skin me alive if she ever learned that I forgot my manners, because she’s been drilling them into me my entire life. I only remembered these when we were discussing your grandsons earlier, so I’m sorry about that,” he added.
After hearing that, the tall German was reminded of what he’d said to Emma Hogan when they’d met a day or two prior to today. It seemed that European and American customs weren’t so different after all! But he still had a few questions, nevertheless.
“I did? When did I tell you that, Rob?” asked Klink curiously. He didn’t recall ever mentioning that to his troublemaker. “For that matter, when have you had the time to go jewelry shopping?”
The American officer rolled his eyes and sighed. “Yes, Wilhelm, you did. You told me the night that you dragged me into the department store to go shopping for dress clothes…for three hours, I might add! And I bought them while you were buying my mom’s polar bear earrings at a different register,” he explained.
The older general blinked as he remembered that night. That had been a throwaway comment, and he was surprised that his friend had remembered it. Once again, Hogan had proved just how good his powers of observation were. “Oh,” was all he could say to that.
Wolfgang looked puzzled as he looked at his brother. “You took three hours to go clothes shopping, Willie? But why is that a problem? Clothes shopping is quite fun,” he said.
“Indeed, so how is that a bad thing?” Ingrid asked as she carefully set her new earrings aside to wear later on.
“Rob cannot stand it. He despises dress clothes of any kind, and he had…er…done something to upset me previously. Which I will not discuss,” he added resolutely. “So being as we were going to visit his parents as soon as we left London, that was my revenge,” Klink said with a look of amusement.
“While that is a very unusual way to get revenge, Willie, it appears to have worked. That is, if the expression on Robert’s face is anything to go by,” Wolfgang teased as he noticed the scowl the American was wearing.
“Yes, I thought so,” agreed the former Kommandant with a smug look.
Yet Hogan only gave his friend the hairy eyeball before smiling sweetly. “You’re having your fun at my expense right now, Wilhelm. But I’ll get to have mine at yours later on. Don’t forget, you promised me that you’d ask your mom to tell me all kinds of embarrassing stories about you. And you promised you’d sit next to her when she told them too,” his brat stated with an evil grin.
“Willie, did you really say that to him?” his mother asked in shock as she looked at her youngest son. She didn’t know anybody who would willing ask their mother such a thing!
Klink groaned and put his hands over his face as he blushed, because he already knew which ones his mother was likely to tell the younger officer. “Regrettably, yes. Me and my big mouth,” he muttered.
His former senior POW officer was still grinning evilly, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he talked. “Yep. He sure did, Frau Klink. He said, and I quote: “My mother has an entire treasure trove of embarrassing stories about me. I will ask her to tell you a few of them when we see her. I believe we may have some of my baby pictures too that you may look at, if you wish.” He saw fit to embarrass me – repeatedly, I should add – in front of my parents, so this was his way of saying he was sorry for that. I won’t tell you what he said, but it was pretty awful.”
Wolfgang looked at his younger brother and inquired, “Willie, have you lost your mind? What could you have possibly done to warrant that way of making amends?”
“I will not discuss it, Wolfie. That is between me and Rob,” Klink told him in a tone that said the subject was closed. “As to your question, I am debating that myself.”
Then he looked at his friend and added, “I had hoped that you had forgotten my promise, Rob,” in an unhappy tone of voice.
“Nope. My memory is excellent,” replied Hogan cheerfully. “Now, I’m getting out of the kitchen so Frau Klink can cook. It’s getting later in the evening already, and I’m starved.”
“I think that is a good idea, Robert. Come on, Willie,” said the oldest Klink male as he followed his brother’s friend out of the kitchen.
“Right behind you, Wolfie,” responded the tall German. He made sure to get his blush under control while he walked, because he didn’t need any more teasing right now.
Ingrid watched the men leave with a smile. While she didn’t fully understand what had gotten into her youngest son, she knew three things for certain. He was in love with Robert Hogan, as evidenced by his reactions and his methods of dealing with the American. The younger general was also a good influence on him. And lastly, she would be sure to tell the most embarrassing stories she could think of!

Figuring things out…
After the food was ready, everyone sat down at the table to eat. Hogan had to admit that Klink’s nephews were right about their oma’s cooking skill. Their favorite foods looked good and smelled even better, while the taste made him want to sigh in pleasure.
“Wow. This is amazing, ma’am. I’d tip my hat to you, but I’m not wearing it right now,” he told her with a smile.
“Danke, Robert,” she replied, looking at her grandsons. “I heard from Robert that these dishes came highly recommended to him by a couple of people. Have you ever met them, boys?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
Fritz and Hans looked at each other and grinned. “Er…we may have seen them a time or two, Oma,” Fritz said coyly.
“Yes, we have seen them on occasion,” added Hans, knowing his brother well enough to follow his line of thinking.
“I am sure that you have, my sons. Every time you look in the mirror, to be precise,” Wolfgang chimed in wryly.
Fritz shrugged and looked at his dad with a half-smile. “Perhaps, Vater. But that is a secret between brothers,” he replied.
“Did you tell Rob ‘thank you’ for his quick talking on your behalf?” Klink asked them sharply. “Your father was ready to say no to the request, and – ow!” he said, feeling someone stomp on his foot. Since there was only air on the left side of him, he harbored no doubts about who it could’ve been. “Why did you do that for, Rob?”
“Be nice, Wilhelm. Let the young men relax,” Hogan told him quietly.
“Young men? They are children,” Klink said incredulously, forgetting to lower his voice as he talked.
“Hardly,” his brat replied at a normal volume, since his self-appointed disciplinarian had already let the cat out of the bag concerning their conversation.
“Kids are usually those who are seven years old or younger. Both of your nephews are older than that, so…” Hogan trailed off, not seeing the need to finish that sentence as he grinned at his friend’s nephews.
Hans and Fritz grinned back, truly appreciating how the American seemed to stand up for them at every turn. Yet their grins faded as their uncle turned on them with an expression of warning on his face.
“Oops. We forgot to do that, Onkel Wilhelm,” admitted Fritz.
“It slipped our minds. We did not mean to be rude,” said Hans quickly.
Then the blond-haired boy turned to Hogan and added, “Sorry about that, Herr Robert. Danke for making that request on our behalf.”
“Yes, danke Onkel Robert…I, I mean, Herr Robert!” replied Hans as he blushed. He’d let his mind wander when he was addressing his uncle, and his mouth had been on autopilot.
Wolfgang looked at his sons and then at his brother, who – oddly enough – wasn’t protesting the informalities. “I take it you have already discussed how my sons are addressing your friend and worked something out, Willie?” he asked as he took a bite of his food.
Klink swallowed his food and said, “Yes. Apparently, Rob is the one who made the offer for them to call him that. And Mutter is fine with it as well. Thus, I am outnumbered,” he said in disgust.
The former senior POW officer grinned at Klink’s nephews, finding the slip-up rather amusing. “I see I’ve been promoted, huh Hans?” he asked playfully, taking a bite of his food.
The brown-haired boy looked at Hogan and stammered, “I-I-I meant no disrespect, Herr Robert! I swear, it was an accident,” he said hastily.
The last thing in the world that he wanted to do was have either his father or his uncle punish him later on for being disrespectful. Or heaven forbid, both of them, since that had happened on a few occasions. Also, he wasn’t sure how the American would take his slip-up. Like his brother – and unknown to him, his uncle’s friend – he was rather fond of being able to sit down!
But Hogan only shook his head as he swallowed it and spoke. “I don’t have a problem with you calling me that if you don’t. Either of you,” he amended, looking at Fritz to make sure he knew that he was included in that statement. “But don’t feel like you have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, okay? Some things take time, and I get that.”
Wolfgang swallowed his food, making it a point not to look at his sons. He didn’t want them to feel pressured into making a hasty decision, so he looked away. As he turned his head, he could see all the other adults at the table follow his example. And out of the corner of his eye, he could see his sons furiously whispering together for a minute or two.
Then they broke apart, and Hans was the first one to speak. “My brother and I have talked it over, and we have decided that we would be okay with that,” he confirmed with a nod.
“You’re sure?” Hogan questioned with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “No take-backs, you know,” he said playfully as he winked at them.
Fritz nodded as well and returned the wink. “We are very sure, Onkel Robert.”
Ingrid only shook her head in amusement at how easily this American had charmed her grandsons. He was something special, to be sure. Her youngest son was lucky to have Hogan in his life, and she hoped that she would live to see them figure the other things she knew to be true out on their own. But as it stood right now, she almost felt as if she had gained an adopted son.
After that, everyone ate their meal in silence. Both of the generals were content to enjoy a nice homemade meal, as eating out didn’t count as that for them. Wolfgang was just happy that he could eat his fill of something for once, since that hadn’t been the case in a long while. And both Hans and Fritz were thrilled that they’d gotten to have their favorite foods again. While the war had still been going on, they had been doubtful that such a thing would ever occur again. It was a pleasant shock that Hogan had kept his word to them as well, because they really hadn’t expected him to.
Finally, everyone had eaten enough. After the dishes were cleared and the food was put away, the younger officer thanked Klink’s mother for the meal, as did everyone else. Then he asked sweetly, “So…story time?”
“Yes, Robert. Let us go and sit on the sofa,” Frau Klink replied with a half-smile.
Her youngest son groaned and shook his head, shooting his friend an increasingly dirty look as they filed into the living room. Meanwhile Hogan was grinning like a fool, clearly reveling in the older man’s discomfort. Ingrid sat down on the sofa, flanked on either side by her sons. The former senior POW officer took a seat on the floor, sitting cross-legged as he had before. Fritz and Hans quickly copied the position, one on each side of him.
Then Ingrid began to talk. For a long while, she regaled them all with stories of her youngest son’s misspent youth and the wild adventures he’d had. As the tall German had suspected, his mother had pulled out all the worst ones. Hogan been fascinated by all the crazy things his friend had gotten up to, and he winced at times when the punishment for those things was described. Klink’s nephews were fascinated too, for they had never heard these stories about their uncle before.
By the time she finally wound down, the former Kommandant could fully appreciate why his brat had been hiding under the table at the restaurant in absolute humiliation. Hell, he wanted to go and hide somewhere too! But he didn’t have that option where he was at right now. And anyway, he’d promised Hogan that he’d sit there and take it when his mom told these stories. He’d also been blushing a dark red for at least the last fifteen minutes or so, and the smug look his troublemaker was continuously giving him wasn’t making him feel any better.
Once his mother had stopped talking, Wolfgang decided to ask the other dreaded question that was hanging in the air. “So, do you want to see his baby pictures, Robert? We have some pretty good ones,” he informed him with a devious smirk. He was thoroughly enjoying his little brother’s humiliation as a form of revenge for their fight hours ago.
Everyone turned to look at Hogan, who smiled cruelly as he thought it over. He was seriously considering saying yes when Klink looked him in the eyes and showed his single wild card.
“Please, do not do it!” he pleaded with a shake of his head. “I let you off the hook when we were having dinner with your parents!”
Hogan took a minute to consider those words. Wilhelm did tell me I didn’t have to apologize to him that night when I was feeling the same way he is right now, he thought as he let out a sigh. Besides, I’ve had my fun by watching him squirm all this time. Damnmit, and I so wanted to do it too! My morals need to back off, because they’re starting to get annoying.
“No, that’s okay. And Wilhelm’s been the color of a strawberry for a while now, so I think he’s been through enough. Your debt to me is now paid in full,” he finally decided, causing his friend to slump on the sofa like a limp noodle.
“Thank you, Rob. Thank you,” the former Kommandant told him gratefully, even as his brother and nephews groaned in disappointment.
“You’re very welcome,” he said with a half-smile as he looked at Klink’s mother. “So how come you haven’t moved somewhere smaller, ma’am? This place seems awfully big for just you, Wolfgang and your grandsons.”
“There is no money to do so,” Ingrid informed him, looking sad as she talked. “I would love to take my oldest son – and my grandsons – and move someplace smaller. But I cannot afford it. The only reason that we still have a roof over our heads is because Horst paid this house off before he died. We used to live comfortably,” she said with a shrug.
“But between his death and the war, life has been extremely hard for us. My retirement keeps the lights on, but that is about it. As I said before, there has been very little food for the last year or so. And it is very hard to keep up with the housework in this big house,” she added.
“I hear that,” Hogan agreed. “As it stands right now, me and Wilhelm have to find somewhere to –”
He cut himself off as something occurred to him. “Wilhelm, can I speak to you alone in the kitchen for a minute?”
“Yes, of course,” said Klink as he got up. He was receiving puzzled looks all around, so he shrugged in reply. “Do not look at me like that. I have no idea what Rob wants,” he said as he left the room.

An absolutely insane, only-Hogan-could-pull-it-off idea…
He had barely gotten into the kitchen when Hogan whispered, “I have the world’s best idea!”
“I am rather scared to hear it, but go ahead anyway,” Klink said slowly, only partially kidding. He knew the type of off-the-wall things his friend came up with, so the fact that he thought this was ‘the world’s best idea’ was slightly alarming.
“Don’t be funny. Listen, this is what I’m thinking. We need a place to live, and your mom wants to move somewhere smaller anyway. I think this house is pretty cool overall, so why don’t we buy this house from her?” Hogan said excitedly as he bounced on the balls of his feet.
The German general blinked rapidly for a few seconds, caught off guard by that ludicrous statement. “Okay, just pause for one moment, Rob. First of all, why would we need this big a house for just the two of us? For that matter, who said we were going to be roommates?” he asked in a reasonable tone of voice.
“We don’t, but we’ve got to live somewhere. At least you know where everything is in this house, along with all its quirks. Besides, we’d be helping your mom out,” he pointed out. “You heard her just now, it’s hard for her to do all the cleaning and stuff. Which I believe, because it was hard for me and my mom to keep up on the cleaning as well. But there were two of us, and our house wasn’t this big either.”
His troublemaker was waving his hands around as he spoke, growing more excited by the second. “Your mom deserves to live the rest of her life in comfort, not be constantly stressing out over the small stuff. And what about when your nephews return to school in the fall? They won’t be here to help out that much, you know. Besides, homework is a real pain in the butt, and they’ll have a lot more of it as the years go by. I’d like to see them be able to be carefree until they turn eighteen, minimally.”
“You certainly have taken a shine to my nephews,” said the former Kommandant with a chuckle and a raised eyebrow. “But you have not answered my other question.”
Hogan shrugged and said, “I love kids, what can I say?” Then he looked at his friend and asked, “What was the other question again?”
“It was ‘who said we were going to be roommates?’ Stay on topic, Rob,” Klink chided gently.
“Oh yeah, yeah. Well, we don’t have to be. But I’m planning on staying in Germany to help rebuild the place, just like I told you and Burkhalter at Camp Ashcan. We don’t have to be roommates if you don’t want to. But it’d be more cost effective, considering that we’ll probably be working together.”
He made a face as he continued talking. “Besides, my mother suggested it to me. I don’t want to hear her nag me, and she’ll do that until the end of time if we don’t at least try to make being roommates work. If we do it and it doesn’t work out, that’s fine. I can tell her that and she’ll let it go. But otherwise, I’ll never hear the end of it. She always knows when I’m lying, and I’ve got to talk to her eventually,” his brat added.
With a shake of his head, the older officer sighed. “I have no problem with the idea, personally. As you already know, I do not mind your company. And it would be nice not be alone again,” he reluctantly admitted. “I have gotten used to having you around me quite often in the last three years, and also to you being by my side constantly since the war ended.”
He frowned as he added, “But your mother had that other ridiculous theory too. You and I both know she is wrong about that,” he said, his heart wrenching as he spoke what he refused to acknowledge as a lie. “What about when one – or both – of us wants to have a…er…female ‘friend’ over? That could be awkward,” he pointed out as he made air quotes with his slender fingers.
Hogan rolled his eyes at that lame excuse. “Wilhelm, this place has like four bedrooms. It’ll be fine,” he said reassuringly. “Besides, it’ll prove to her that she’s wrong about that if we live together and nothing like that happens. Got any more objections?”
“Yes, and it is the biggest one,” Klink deadpanned. “Where are we going to get that kind of money? This house is worth exactly twenty-two billion, five hundred million Reichsmarks. I know, because my mutter has gotten it appraised before. And when she asked about selling it, they literally laughed her out of the building. Where in the name of God are we going to get twenty-two billion, five hundred million Reichsmarks, Rob?!” he demanded to know, thinking that Hogan had finally gone insane.
His friend merely looked at him and said calmly, “So? Remember, the German currency has lost all its value. It takes two point five million Reichsmarks to make one pound, so that would equal nine thousand bucks in British currency, give or take a pound or two. It’s easily doable with a call to London, so long as there’s a radio here I can use for a few minutes. I don’t keep one in my back pocket, you know.”
His self-appointed disciplinarian took a deep breath, swaying on his feet slightly at the thought of all that money. “There is. And I am sure that if you ask my mutter, you will be given permission to use it. But that is not the point, Rob. The point is that you have finally gone totally insane! London will never give you that kind of money! That being said, would you like me to call the asylum to come and collect you now or later?” he asked in a completely serious tone of voice.
Hogan glared at the older officer, not happy that he wasn’t being taken seriously right now. “I’m not crazy, Wilhelm! They’re going to be paying our living expenses anyhow, and this is cheaper than paying rent on an apartment somewhere in the long run. Apartment rates go up all the time, not to mention that they’re kinda small. At least here we’ve got plenty of room here to move around without tripping over each other,” he said with a huff. “Which I’ll be pointing out to them, by the way. The question is, do you think she’ll go for it?”
Klink sighed again, a weary one this time. “Rob, I am impressed by your eternal optimism. However, I do not think that even you can pull this off. But if you do, I will personally give you a big hug and admit that you were right in front of everyone. And you know how much I hate admitting that I am wrong,” he offered.
“To answer your question though, yes. Now you just have to convince her that you are not crazy. While you are at it, convince her that I am not crazy for even giving this harebrained scheme of yours a second thought,” he added as an afterthought.
“Don’t worry so much, Wilhelm. Everything will be fine, you’ll see. Remember all the favors I told you the Allied High Command owes me? I’m calling a few of them in. So you’re gonna hear me pad the bill slightly,” his former senior POW officer told him cheerfully.
“Any time you tell me not to worry is when I should worry the most,” Klink said drolly.
Then he held up a slender hand and said, “Please, do not tell me. I am going to take a page from Schultz’s book right now, because I want to know nothing! It does seem to have worked rather well for him all these years, which is probably how he kept him his sanity.”
Hogan chuckled as he said, “I’m willing to bet that it is. So, ready to go back out there?”
The older man grinned as he replied, “Oh yes. I would not miss the reaction to this for the world.”

Dropping the bombshell…
“Did you boys have a nice talk?” asked Frau Klink politely as she watched her son and Hogan re-enter the room and sit back down.
“Yes, it went very well,” Klink responded as he shot a look at Hogan. “Except for a minor detail, and I am being utterly sarcastic when I say ‘minor’.”
“Which is what, Willie?” inquired Wolfgang with a bewildered expression.
“Nothing overly important,” the German officer informed them all with a shrug. “Just the fact that Rob and I have to live somewhere eventually. And he thinks that the two of us buying this house so that you, Hans, Fritz and Mutter can move someplace smaller is the answer. I told him what this house is worth, and he thinks he can get his hands on twenty-two billion, five hundred million Reichsmarks from London to do it anyway!”
There was perfect silence for a few minutes as everyone but the two generals processed that bombshell, replaying the words over and over in their heads. Finally, Klink’s mother broke the silence.
“Robert, that would be beyond wonderful. But it is only a dream. A fantasy,” she tried to explain to him, touched by the thought nevertheless. “Why would London ever send you that kind of money?”
“The Allies owe me quite a few favors from what I did during the war, ma’am. Let’s just leave it at that,” Hogan answered vaguely. “And like I told Wilhelm, that equals nine thousand British pounds with the current conversion rate. It’s doable, since they’ll be paying for our living expenses anyway.”
“Why would they be paying Willie’s living expenses, Robert?” Wolfgang piped up. “You, I can understand. You are part of the Allied Forces. But my brother is a member of the Luftwaffe, and so that does not make any sense to me.”
“And an honorary general in the United States Army Air Force to boot. He’s got the official papers to prove it,” the younger general said cheerfully. “Actually, he’s got official papers proving that he’s a recognized friend of the Allies as well. Those should be in his uniform somewhere, but you’d have to ask him about that,” he told them.
“Anyways, Wilhelm will most likely be working with me as a consultant if I had my guess. You know, to help things transition smoother between the Americans and the German people. We just have to wait for further orders to come through first,” he stated with a shrug.
“Robert, are you feeling alright? This does not sound like a rational idea in any way,” Ingrid said slowly.
“Never been better, Frau Klink. If I could borrow your radio for a few minutes, I’ll prove to you all that I’m not lying,” said Hogan firmly. “Does that price work for you?”
“Well…alright. It is in the dining room, behind the table,” she informed him. “And yes, of course. But –”
“I hate to be rude, ma’am, but I’ve got to call them ASAP,” the American interrupted her gently as he stood up. “The time zone difference and stuff, you know. I have to make sure I get ahold of the right people for this to work.”
As he left the room, the Klink family all looked at each other for a minute or two. “He is insane. Even the great Robert Hogan cannot pull this big of a rabbit out of his hat,” the tall German finally said.
“I am positive of that. I even told Rob that I would give him a big hug and admit that I was wrong in front of you all if he managed to accomplish this. But I already know he will not, so I am not worried about it,” he added with an air of confidence.
“You must have been very sure of yourself to make that wager, little brother,” said Wolfgang with a smile.
“Vater, how much money is twenty-two billion, five hundred million Reichsmarks?” his youngest nephew inquired.
“That is what I would like to know,” interjected the oldest one. “I do not think we have gotten that far in math class yet.”
“And you likely never will, son. That is a great deal of money. There is a lot of zeroes involved,” Wolfgang informed his sons.
“Here, Hans,” said Klink’s mother, having written down the number while they were talking. “This is what it would look like on paper.”
The brown-haired boy took the paper to look at it, which caused his eyes to almost bug out of his head. “Whoa,” he breathed. “That really is a lot of zeroes.”
Fritz looked over his little brother’s shoulder at the paper, and his eyes got as wide as saucers when he saw the number that was written down on it. “Onkel Wilhelm, is Onkel Robert feeling ill at all? That is impossible for anyone to do! How is he going to get his hands on that much money? Rob a bank?” he asked in disbelief.
Klink smiled at the innocent reaction and said, “He will not be able to, Fritz. Rob can do just about anything, but even he cannot do something of this magnitude. I –”
He was interrupted by a shout from the next room, calling for them all to come quickly. When they entered the room, Hogan was sitting there with the radio headset in his hand. He also looked extraordinarily pleased with himself as he spoke.
“So, I’ve got London on the line,” he said causally, as if that was an everyday occurrence for them. “They want to know if they can meet us here after the plane lands, and if it’s okay if they send two armed guards to escort you to the bank, Frau Klink. You know, because of the huge chunk of money that we’re talking about,” he added.
“Oh, and they also want to know if British pounds would be an acceptable form of payment. Given the large sum, that many Reichsmarks might take longer to get. They can do it, but it might take months to accomplish. So, is their currency alright with you?”
Ingrid looked at if she was going to cry as she nodded, unable to speak at all for the moment.
His troublemaker held up one finger, motioning for them to stay in the room. “All of that is perfectly fine,” he said into the headset in English. “So you’re sending over ten thousand, five hundred British pounds, right? Good. When can I expect it to…what? Let me ask.”
He turned at Wolfgang, who looked as if somebody had slapped him. “It’ll take about a week to get to us, and they want to know if Wilhelm and I can stay here for that time period. Is that okay?”
The oldest of the Klink brothers looked at his mother, who had tears streaming down her face as she silently nodded. “She says yes,” he replied, sounding somewhat choked up himself.
The American officer nodded to show he’d heard the answer and spoke into the headset again. “She says that’s fine, General Walters. Thanks so much, I owe you one. This is really…what? Yeah, that’s true. It’s actually the other way around,” he said with a laugh.
“Anyway, I’ll let you get back to…what? Sure, hang on a minute.” He held out the headset to a very confused Klink as he stood up. “General Walters wants to speak to you, Wilhelm. Make sure you speak in English,” he whispered.
“Obviously, Rob,” his friend said with an eyeroll as he took the vacated seat. Then he switched to English and asked cautiously, “Hello?”
“General Klink, how are you?” Walters greeted him over the headset.
“I am fine, General Walters. A little bewildered at the limitless miracles that Rob seems to pull out of nowhere, but otherwise I am doing well. And yourself?” he asked, noticing that Hogan was quietly translating everything he was saying into German for his family.
“Aren’t we all,” said the general with a laugh. “I’m doing alright, I guess. But I’ve been over here in London so long, I’m starting to sound like a bloody Brit. So what’s this business that General Hogan is yammering on about? We’ve already agreed to it, of course. But Hogan sounded downright excited about the whole thing, and he’s usually the unflappable sort.”
With a sigh, Klink gave Walters the rundown on what they’d talked about and why, making sure he omitted any money amounts from their conversation. But the general noticed that right off the bat and questioned him about it.
“Hogan says he needs ten thousand, five hundred British pounds to make this work. Is he accurate with that number? Or is he just pulling my leg for some reason, Klink?” Walters asked causally. To be honest, it was too casual for the tall German’s liking. As a result, it set off warning bells in his head that screamed ‘trap!’
“Whatever Rob told you is accurate, Herr General,” he replied carefully, shooting his friend a dirty look for putting him on the spot. “I have been busy running a prison camp for the last three years, so I have not had a lot of time to go on furlough. As a result, I am not up to date on the latest conversion rates.”
The general wasn’t so easily dissuaded, though. “Yeah? Well Hogan’s been locked up in said prison camp for the same amount of time as you have, Klink. And he didn’t ever go on furlough during that time period. Well, at least not officially. So that excuse isn’t gonna fly with me. I suggest that you try again.”
“I…er…” He looked at his friend, pointing to the headset and mouthing the word ‘help’. With a sigh, Hogan came over and took the headset from him. He also made sure to loudly say, “Oh, for crying out loud, Wilhelm! You forgot what we talked about already?” in English as he gave the German officer a wink so he’d play along. Now it was Klink’s turn to quietly translate for his family as his brat spoke into the headset.
“General Walters, it’s me again. I…what? Yes, I know you wanted to talk to Wilhelm, but it’s probably better if you don’t right now. He’s still in shock, and I…what? Well, because I just sprung this whole idea on him about five minutes before I called you. No wonder the poor guy is still confused. And…what? Yeah, I know that’s mean. But you also already know how I do things by now,” he replied with a snicker.
“Anyways, I could hear his side of the conversation, obviously. So I thought I’d remind you that I got out a lot more often than he did, and…what? No, he was usually too busy entertaining various members of the brass from Berlin. I know that he had to as part of his job, unless he wanted uncomfortable questions asked. But still, it made things almost too easy at times, I’ll tell you that. I…what? General Walters, the only county he’s been to outside of Germany was France until a week ago. And that was only twice, to my knowledge. So, like I…what? Oh, okay. Hang on,” he said.
“The general wants to say goodbye to you,” he stated, giving the former Kommandant a pointed look as he passed over the headset. “We should let him get back to work. He’s a busy man, you know.”
Klink nodded slightly and took the headset, once again switching back to English. “Hello again, General Walters,” he said.
“Klink, you’d better count yourself damn lucky that you’ve got Hogan there to cover for your ass. Because I can tell you this much, you’re a terrible liar,” Walters said in a lower voice than he’d been talking in before. “Sorry about the mini-interrogation earlier, but I had the old man himself in the room until a minute ago. He was sitting here silently, listening to the entire conversation. So I had to make it look good for him. You understand, right?”
“I beg your pardon, Herr General?” Klink asked, not faking his confusion for once. “What old man are you talking about?”
Hogan groaned and facepalmed as he heard that information, while Klink quickly got his answer over the headset.
“You know, the old man. The bulldog,” the general told him. When he didn’t get a response to that, he sighed and said, “Winston Churchill, Klink! Get with the program.”
“You had Prime Minster Churchill in the room with you just now?” Klink asked in amazement, watching his nephews’ eyes widen in shock. They didn’t a translation to recognize that name! Every German knew the name ‘Churchill’, even if they didn’t know his various nicknames.
“Yes, yes. He wanted to be sure this was all on the level, so he asked me to check it out while he sat here. Remember, I’ve been to Stalag 13 before. I’ve also seen in person how Hogan operates, which isn’t good for anybody that’s working against him. But I was only your guest there for a short while, so you might not remember me,” Walters said nonchalantly.
“Somehow, I got transferred to another stalag for being a firebug, when that definitely wasn’t the case. Can’t imagine who could’ve possibly arranged for that to happen,” he added dryly. “Oh wait, yes I can. I’m still pissed off at you for that, by the way, Hogan! And I know you’re probably standing close enough to Klink to hear me, too. So don’t act like you aren’t.”
“Sorry about that, General Walters,” Hogan called out in English, looking anything but sorry about that event. “It was just a slight misunderstanding. My mistake.”
“Slight misunderstanding, my ass. More like he didn’t bother to ask me anything instead. He just went off half-cocked, like normal,” the general grumbled. “Klink, does he look at all sorry to you?” he inquired.
“Not in the slightest, Herr General. If anything, he looks rather pleased with himself,” Klink reported with a grin, relishing the fact that someone else shared his opinion of his friend.
“That’s what I figured,” Walters responded with a sigh. “Hogan’s an insolent son of a bitch who uses pretty some unorthodox methods. There’s no denying that. But they’ve also worked every single time too, and he’s one of the finest officers we’ve ever had to boot. So we let a lot of things slide with him, unless it’s something that we can’t possibly overlook. It just makes things easier on everybody, and it helps keep us from going insane.”
“I could not agree with you more, sir. That has been my policy this entire time,” the German general confirmed, earning himself a scowl from Hogan. “I thought I recognized you when we met, but something was a bit off when we met in London. In the end, I concluded that I was merely imagining things.”
“Yeah well, I got a promotion. It’s a big jump up the career ladder from a corporal to a general, you know,” Walters told him, confirming what Klink had originally thought to be true.
“Anyway, I’ve got to go. We’ll be sending two of the best shots we have to escort your mom to the bank. If you’ve got any doubts at all, call me on the radio and confirm their identities. They’ll be told ahead of time you might be doing that, so they shouldn’t have a problem with it. And if they do, let me know that too. Cheerio, General Klink.”
“Er…cheerio,” Klink replied awkwardly as the radio call disconnected.
Then he looked at Hogan and his family, switching back to German as he spoke again. “It would appear that you are a miracle worker, Rob.”
“I already knew that,” his friend announced confidently, still looking entirely too pleased with himself. “And I believe you promised to do something if I was. Two somethings, actually.”
Rolling his eyes, Klink frowned and held up his end of the deal. “Alright, alright. You were right, okay?” he admitted as he gave his brat a big hug. “You are also an insolent, mischievous troublemaker,” he whispered in Hogan’s ear before he let go of his friend.
“Thank you,” the American officer responded politely – to both things – before turning to Klink’s mother. “Frau Klink, I –”
He cut himself off in surprise as she wrapped him in a tight hug, nearly knocking him off of his feet. “Whoa! Take it easy there. You almost bowled me over,” he said with a chuckle as he returned it. “It’s okay, honestly. Ten thousand British pounds should be enough to get you guys a new place to live and get on your feet, right?”
“Rob –” Wolfgang cut himself off and cleared his throat before trying again. “Robert, they are only sending ten thousand, five hundred pounds,” he began slowly.
“Yeeeeah,” Hogan replied just as slowly, not seeing what he was driving at. “So?”
“So, this house is only worth nine thousand pounds,” said the older of the two brothers in that same, slow tone.
“What’s your point?” asked the former senior POW officer, still not understanding where he was going with this.
“My point is, you just said you were giving my mutter ten thousand pounds, not nine. You have overestimated by a thousand. Otherwise, that would only leave you with five hundred pounds,” he explained, as if he were talking to an idiot.
“I know what I just said,” the American told him calmly. “And I said it correctly too.”
“But you need money too, Rob,” Klink informed him with a baffled look. “Five hundred pounds is still a decent amount of money, but it will not last for very long. Especially if you are planning on splitting it with me. Which I am not asking you to do!” he said quickly. “I am just stating that fact for math purposes.”
“Then it’s a good thing that I’m not planning on splitting it with you, huh?” inquired Hogan in that same calm tone, making his self-appointed disciplinarian want to shake some sense into him. “The five hundred is for you, Wilhelm. The ten thousand is for your mom. You know, for everything. It buys the house from her, pays to rent the moving truck, buy some food for her new place, etcetera.”
His blond-haired nephew had been scribbling furiously on the piece of paper that his grandmother had written on earlier, and now he held it up with a frown. “But that would leave you with nothing, Onkel Robert,” he announced with a frown. “I just did the math a moment ago. I even double-checked it twice, and I did not miscalculate in any way.”
“You’re right, Fritz. But I’m good with the money I’ve got already,” the younger general responded with a shrug.
“Which is absolutely none, Rob!” said Klink in frustration. “I can appreciate how selfless you are being right now, but even you cannot survive without food!”
“I’ll be fine, Wilhelm. I’ll be starting work any day now, just like you will be. And I’ve got enough money to last until my first paycheck. You know I do, because you saw me buy the groceries your mom cooked that delicious meal with earlier.”
He sighed as he continued to state his point of view. “After all, I’ve been a POW for the last three years, remember? I’m used to doing without stuff and only having the bare essentials to work with. I’m not a man who has to have luxury just because I’m an officer. If I was, I would’ve asked to have been transferred to an Oflag from the start,” he pointed out.
“Besides that, if they want me to do my job, they’ll have to pay me money to work. Not to mention that I’m due a lot of back-pay. And hazard bonuses too, which will make me a very wealthy man. Really, I don’t mind. It’s only for two weeks, tops. Plus, I get the chance to do something nice for someone else. I’ve told you before how I love doing that,” he added.
With a growl, the German officer turned to his older brother and said, “Wolfie, help me out here. Make Rob see reason,” he requested.
“I wish I could, Willie. Yet I am getting the feeling that we can argue with Robert all day, but the end result would still be the same. I would not put it past him to hide it the excess money in random places throughout Mutter’s new home,” Wolfgang said thoughtfully.
“Do not give him any ideas!” Klink snapped as he looked at his nephews. “Fritz, Hans…what say you?”
“It is not our place to say anything, Onkel Wilhelm. This is an adult matter,” Fritz said with a shrug.
“Yes, what my brother said,” Hans agreed with a half-smile. “Sorry, Onkel Wilhelm.”
“Grrrr,” Klink growled, feeling like he was the only sane one left in the room. “Mutter, please. Tell Rob he is being foolish right now, because he is being too stubborn right now to listen to me. Please!” he begged, knowing she was his last chance at getting any support on this.
Ingrid had been latched onto his friend for the last few minutes, holding onto him with a death grip as she managed to calm herself down. Now she finally let go and looked up at him, her eyes shining with happiness.
“Robert, you are the sweetest man anyone could ever hope to know,” she informed him with a teary smile. “As long as you are completely certain of your decision, then I will accept. Like Wolfie said, you would only find a way to slip the money to me if I did not, and I would prefer not to think that I am losing my mind.”
The older man threw up his hands and sighed in resignation. “I give up,” he told them all. “I might as well board the crazy train with the rest of you, as it is rather lonely being the only sane one on the platform.”
“I am, Frau Klink. I don’t say things I don’t mean, and I wouldn’t have even suggested the idea if I hadn’t already known what General Walters would say about it,” Hogan replied with a sharp nod, trying to ignore what a ham the former Kommandant was being right now.
“Please, I would like you to call me Mutter. That is, if you are okay with that,” she requested cautiously. “I do not know what you call your mother, so do not feel as if you have to do it.”
“I call my mom ‘mom’. So ‘mother’ would be fine,” Hogan said agreeably, looking at his friend. “Does that mean I get two older brothers with the deal? I’ve been an only child up until now, you know.”
She nodded as she said, “But only if you want them. My sons can be a handful.”
“Hey! We are not!” protested Klink and Wolfgang at the same time.
“Hmm,” he responded thoughtfully as he pretended to consider that. “Well, I’m kind of attached to your youngest son already. So I’ll take him,” he said playfully with a wink at his friend.
“And I don’t know Wolfgang very well yet, but his sons are pretty awesome. So I’ll take him too, Mutter,” he decided, shooting another wink at Wolfgang as he made the ‘OK’ sign with his thumb and index finger to the two smiling boys.
“Somehow, I feel like an add-on item,” Wolfgang grumbled as he tried to hide his smile.
“Grow up, Wolfie. You will be just fine, I promise,” the German officer told his brother with a smirk.
“Then it is settled. Robert, we have a guest bedroom upstairs you can sleep in…oh wait. I forgot that the boys are in there,” Ingrid said. “And Willie will be in his old room, while Wolfie is in his. Er…let me think about this for a moment,” she added.
“I don’t want to inconvenience anyone. So I could just sleep on the couch,” the American offered with a shrug.
“NO!” the adults all shouted at the same time, making him jump in surprise at the simultaneous response.
“Absolutely not, son. Not after all you have done for us,” Klink’s mother replied with a shake of the head.
“I agree, Rob. That is not happening, and I will not be convinced otherwise. So do not attempt to do so,” Klink said adamantly.
“That is not acceptable, and we will figure something out,” Wolfgang added in the same determined tone of voice.
His nephews looked at each other and nodded before Fritz spoke up. “We could share our room with Onkel Robert, Oma,” he suggested. “There is both a queen bed and a full bed in there, as you know. If we take the bigger one, my brother and I can share it and have room to spare. So that is not an issue.”
“Yes, we do not mind at all. It will give us a chance to talk to Onkel Robert some more,” Hans confirmed.
Hogan looked at the family that had decided to adopt him and sighed. “Are you guys sure? It’s not a problem, I promise. Anything’s better than a thin, hay stuffed mattress on a hard piece of wood, while only having a thin blanket to cover yourself with.”
“We promise, Onkel Robert. And like Hans already said, we will be able to plot – I mean, talk – with you whenever you would like,” Fritz said, looking at the American general with a raised eyebrow.
“Alriiiiight,” the younger general relented, dragging out the word with false reluctance. “But only because you guys rock. Otherwise, I would’ve said no,” he added, coughing to hide his laugh as he heard the intentional slip-up.
“Now that we have that issue sorted out, we should all be going to bed, as it is late. So, get moving, children,” Frau Klink said, shooing them all in the appropriate direction.
“Yes, Mutter,” replied the former Kommandant dutifully. After all this time away from home, he’d forgotten just how bossy his mother could be. “Good night, everyone…and no more plotting tonight, Rob!” he called out as he headed for his bedroom.
“Got it, Wilhelm. No more plotting tonight. But tomorrow is a new day, so no promises after midnight passes,” he added impishly.
A faint mutter was heard as Wolfgang grinned at his adopted little brother. “You do manage to push Willie’s buttons marvelously, Robert.”
“It’s my specialty, Wolfgang,” said the former senior POW officer with a grin. “Don’t worry, I’ll learn how to push yours too, eventually. I just need a little time to figure them out.”
“Take all the time you need,” responded his adopted older brother with an eye roll. Then he headed for his bedroom, calling out “Good night, everyone!” behind him.
Hogan let his adopted nephews climb the stairs ahead of him, so that they could show him where he was going. “Good night, mutter,” he said when they reached the door of the room that’d he be sharing with them.
“Good night, Oma!” the boys said simultaneously as they opened the door and let their new uncle in.
“Good night dears. Sleep well,” she said as she headed to her own room. Somehow, she got the feeling that her life wouldn’t be boring anymore. If nothing else, her newly adopted son knew how to keep life interesting.

A/N: This is Klink’s family home, but I made it a two-story house instead, along with making it a little creepier: https://ia801405.us.archive.org/2/items/klinks-family-home/Klink%27s%20family%20home.jpg
**Americans were generally thought of as gun-toting murderers by the German people. They were also were portrayed that way by Joseph Goebbels, the Minister of Propaganda in Nazi Germany. Thus, the term ‘gangster’.
The reason that Frau Klink doesn’t look that much older than the former Kommandant is because she would have had him in 1896, and women married & had kids a lot earlier back then. For my story, Klink was eighteen years old when WW1 broke out in 1914…so you do the math. :)
Bienenstich/‘bee sting cake’ and Schinken-Kohl-Auflauf/‘Ham and cabbage casserole’ are real recipes and can be found on Google.
There were two different main sections under the Hitler Youth organization umbrella. The first one was for boys who were anywhere from ten to fourteen years old, called the Deutsches Jungvolk in der Hitler Jugend/‘German Youngsters in the Hitler Youth’. It was abbreviated as DJ or DJV.
The second one for boys required them to be anywhere from fourteen to eighteen years old, called the Hitler-Jugend, Bund deutscher/‘Hitler Youth’. It was abbreviated as HJ. They transferred to this part as soon as they turned fourteen. Then as soon as they turned eighteen, they either joined a branch of the Wehrmacht/‘armed forces’ or the SS. Girls had their own wing of it.
The average cost for a home was $8,000.00. Klink’s family home costs a thousand dollars more because it’s a two-story house with four bedrooms.
It really did take 2.5 million Reichsmarks to make one British pound from what I can find on Google. To say hyper-inflation was a problem was the understatement of all time. I did the math on a calculator, and 2.5 million multiplied by nine thousand equals twenty-two billion five hundred million. (In number form, it looks like this: 25,000,000,000.00) That’s a lot of money.
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