Silenced Screams

Chapter Seventeen


After searching all night in the freezing cold and after all the worry they'd been through, finding Sam quietly sipping her morning coffee seemed more like wishful thinking than any reality they could wrap their minds around. They were almost afraid to move for fear of breaking the spell and plunging everyone back into the nightmare that had gripped them since her disappearance. But curiosity finally won out with Daniel.

Firing questions at her faster than she could possibly answer, he finally gave in to his relief, enfolding her in a fierce embrace just thankful she was safe. Sam could see the same relief on the other's face but was still clueless as to what had caused such a reaction. Drinking their coffee and feeling the warmth slowly spread, eating away the bone-deep cold they all felt, they filled her in on all that had happened the night before. Sam felt a fresh wave of guilt for all the worry and pain she'd caused her team. She hadn't been thinking straight when she fled the mountain, only that she'd needed to get away after her confrontation with the Colonel.

She explained her need to escape, leaving out any mention of the Colonel's role in that need. She explained her accident caused by the boulder. Her bike had fared far worst than her during the fall. She had not been able to find her phone and had started her slow climb back up to the road when she'd heard someone call down to her. She explained how her relief had turned to fear when her 'would be savior' called her by name. Her realization of the danger she'd put herself in by coming out along. She'd had no choice at that point, with the fall of night the temperature had also dropped and she had no where else to go.

But as it turned out he was her savior. Introducing himself as Harlem Beck, an old buddy of O'Neill; he had helped her back to the road and driven her back to the base. He'd said he would return later to retrieve her bike and deliver it to the Colonel's house the following evening, along with all he'd been able to uncover during his investigation.

All eyes turned to the Colonel as Sam finished her tale.

"What? I told you I'd called in a few favors. I thought he'd be able to help me track this psycho we're after."

Realizing they'd get no further information on the subject right now she continued to fill them in on her night.

"I got back to base a little before 2300. I didn't want to disturb anyone that late, and I definitely didn't want to hear everyone's 'I told you so'. I just went to my quarters."

Jack hadn't missed that Sam had neglected to mention the part he played in her emotional state. He felt like ten kinds of heel for the way he'd treated her. She had only been worried about him. Wanting to offer him the same thing he'd offered her. Pulling her aside as they all filed off to their different destinations.

"Carter, got a minute?" he asked, ushering her into a seldom used office. "Look, about yesterday..." he started wishing he were better at this. But before he could even finish his first statement she was taking all the guilt onto her own shoulders.

"I'm sorry Sir. I had no right to push you like that. You said you wanted to be left alone and I just wouldn't listen. It was all my fault."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had been totally out of line, taking all of his anger and frustrations out on her. The last thing she needed with everything she'd been through was him blowing up at her simply because she was concerned about him.

Thankfully, the rest of the day went without incident, a pleasant relief from the drama everyone's life had been. Gathering at the Colonel's to lay out everything they'd learned so far, spirits were high as Jack's 'black ops' contact revealed everything he'd been able to uncover. Working from the earlier research that Sam and Teal'c had started he'd been able to narrow their list to only two suspects. Both men fit the profile, having served with her during her tour in Desert Storm. One had been her wingman at the beginning of her tour and had been shot down, captured and tortured for weeks before he could be rescued. The other had been taken down on a routine recon mission by a lucky ground based attack. It had taken him ten days to drag himself across the border and to safety. Although her wingman hadn't held a grudge the injuries he'd suffered at the hands of his captors had
ended his flying career.

Sam could remember clearly the agony she'd gone through during that time, the guilt and worry that had plagued her. The relief she'd felt at his return, until she'd seen the extent of his injuries and the amount of suffering they had put him through. But he had told her repeatedly that none of it had been her fault and that she should not blame herself.

But she had and she still did.

It was the second man which caused a chill to run down Sam's back. Over the years she had buried all of her memories him and his feeling toward her. Mel Hanson had blamed Sam for everything he'd gone through and he'd been very vocal about it. But he'd made no bones about how he'd felt about her even before that incident. They had dated once or twice in the States before they'd met up again. He'd read more into their relationship than existed and when she'd left him for his brother he'd never gotten over it. When Jonas was killed on an early mission at the SGA Mel had made sure he tracked her down, making sure she knew he'd blamed her for that as well.

Just the thought that he'd been transferred into this area was enough to set Sam's nerves on edge. She had no doubt he was more than capable of inflicting all the pain and suffering she'd been through during her captivity.

The evening came to a close on a very somber note, fear for Sam's well-being weighing heavily on everyone's mind.

Jack could see the fear on Sam's face.

Somehow a faceless monster fixating on her was easier to deal with. Putting a name and face to the man who'd tortured her made everything more real. It couldn't be written off as some random psycho now. Now she had a real measure of the hatred he felt towards her.

Jack's night was wracked with demons he'd though long buried.

But they weren't and they'd all chosen this night to come to life again. One nightmare after another. Images of the horrors he'd inflicted on others and those he'd had the staring role in. Several times he'd woken with the scream fighting to be freed. He'd held them in by sheer force of will. He didn't
need to add to Sam's troubles. These were old demons and he'd had years to master dealing with them.

But some of the things Adam had said hit just a little too close to home. He'd unlocked doors best left sealed for all time. Saying things he couldn't possibly know. He hadn't realized how much he'd given away in that booth, but Sam had seen, had been worried. But instead of accepting her help he'd turned and taken all his frustration out on her, venting all the rage he usually turned on himself. He woke to Sam's calming voice...shaking him and bringing him back to reality.

"Sir, wake up. You're okay, open your eyes. Every thing's alright. You're safe now."

He didn't remember saying anything. He didn't remember falling asleep. But he must have. There was no other explanation for Sam being on top of him in his bed. She could see his brain fighting it's way back into focus, heart racing and violent tremors still racking his sweat soaked body. His confusion at their current situation. He might play dumb to everyone around him, but he wasn't. He had one of the sharpest minds she'd ever known. She could practically see him running through and discarding scenarios, trying to understand what was happening.

"I heard you struggling when I passed your room, calling for help. You were having a nightmare. You were struggling with someone. You kept repeating something I couldn't make out...a different language. It sound similar to the same thing Adam was saying yesterday." Sam tried explaining, filling him in on as much as she could. She could feel his muscles relaxing more and more as his nightmare receded further back into the night. Sam moved off his body to sit on the side of his bed as he moved to join her, running his fingers through his hair and scrubbing them over his face, trying to erase the last of the demon's he fought so hard in his sleep.

"You wanna tell me about it? What you were saying. It almost sounded like a prayer. Sometimes it helps if you talk about it." she offered already knowing he'd refuse.

"No. Not this. I'm fine. I'm sorry...didn't mean to wake you." he replied leaving the room. He didn't want to talk to her about any of the things that fed his nightmares.

Didn't want her or anyone else to know about that period of his life. She caught up to him in the kitchen, throwing back a stiff shot of his favorite aged single malt. It was such a waste, downing it like this, but it was the only alcohol left in the house. He had gone through everything else he usually kept around. He recognized his dangerous trend, trying to drown all his problems in alcohol wasn't gonna solve anything. Any doctor would easily label him an alcoholic and to some degree they'd be right. But he'd been down this road before. The alcohol might not solve his problems, but it would help him ride out the worst of it. And right now he was definitely suffering through the worst. Throwing back his third or maybe it was his forth shot he could feel the calming effect settle over him.

Sam hadn't said a word, just stood in the doorway and watched as he found his nerves in the bottom of a bottle. She knew that was an unfair reference.

She'd been able to understand most of the things he'd been mumbling. She had a pretty good idea of what had happened, what he'd been fighting and she knew from personal experience what it was like when those demons came out to visit in the dead of the night. She could see the uncontrollable tremors as he tried to steady his hand long enough to pour himself another drink.

"Wanna tell me about it? It might help." She offered as she finally moved on into the room, getting her own glass and pouring a small amount then taking seat at the table.

He didn't want to talk to her, she had enough without being burden down with his problems also. He'd never talked to anyone about the things he'd been through during those four months. Oh, the doctors had figured out most of it when they'd treated him in the months following his escape. It was impossible not to with all the physical scars they'd left behind, but he'd never acknowledged nor denied their suspicions. He'd simply buried it all as deep as possible and learned to hide it from those around him. He didn't answer her, wouldn't even turn to face her, not wanting her to read the pain he knew was written all over his face.

"I'm here...if you wanna talk. I can be here for you, if you'll let me. I can be here for you, the same as you've been here for me. And I can tell you, it does help. If you'll let me in, it can help. You don't have to go through it all alone." She told him as she finished the last of her drink.

She waited a few minutes, hoping he would take her up on her offer of support. But he couldn't. It wasn't his way. He had always been alone. He had always fought his demons under the cover of darkness, hiding them away behind his mask of indifference during the day. Sam respected his choice. If he didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't force him. All she could do was offer and be there for him when or if he needed her.

You could see the toll and stress this whole ordeal was taking on both of them. The longer this continued the more noticeable the stress. Janet was worried for both of them. They covered their stress well, but Janet could see through their masks. She'd come in early in the hopes of finding something they could use to bring this nightmare to an end.

It had become their new morning ritual. After everyone's morning briefings and meetings they would gather in the observation booth as Dr. McKenzie continued trying to uncover any useful information from Adam. By this point even McKenzie conceded that Adam's memory would gain them little in their search for Sam's stalker. But with few other useful leads and the emotional investment they all had in him the sessions continued. Now even Jack O'Neill, in the spirit of compromise, sat quietly through the hour or so each session lasted.

McKenzie led Adam through his relaxation exercise in preparation for his hypnosis. Soothing music playing softly in the background as the doctor encouraged Adam's mind to open up and reveal the secrets it held. It didn't take long before the familiar words and images began to flow.

The ever watchful blue eyes always staring down at him, following and protecting him. Distinct smells, sounds and other images wove together to define the life Adam led on the back streets of Sam's neighborhood. The giant billboard advertising the newest eye care facility using a closeup face of some beautiful model with the bluest eyes imaginable drawing you in and implanting that thought forever in your subconsciousness.

Moving on to the chaotic and over medicated images his mind held from his time under the care of the state mental facilities. He had rambled on for nearly forty-five minutes before Dr. Fraiser passed on a list of questions she'd like posed to Adam.

The change was almost instantaneous.

The calm, relaxed almost floating sensation of the session turned to jerky, nervous agitation. Muscles clearly visible twitching and eyes darting from one point to the next. The tensing of his body as memory after memory assaulted his consciousness. But by far the most startling transformation as Adam continued to relive horrors that only he could see had started with the screams that everyone felt sure they would be hearing for the rest of their lives. The screams had gone on for longer than anyone would have believed possible. He had started the session sitting quietly at the table with McKenzie but now he moved from place to place around the room searching out places he could hide. Any place he could be safe.

Any place his tormentors couldn't find him.

A voice that had been almost dreamy now shrill as more and more panic fueled his behavior. His voice no longer resembled any sound they would have associated with him. And still it continued. His screams had been choked off as he fell to his knees, a voice so full of pain as he begged and pleaded for mercy. Offering any and every thing for even the smallest degree of mercy. The pain-filled sounds escaping his throat and answering cries confirmed that no mercy was given. His agony providing evident of some evil monster's work as each new cry for mercy failed and his body reacted to the brutality he'd been made to endure. They all watched on as his body continued to relive a nightmare that their minds could not even began to comprehend. Watching as he relived the pain and anguish of having both of his legs broken, his body crumbling to the floor as his screams grew louder and louder. His pain-filled cries growing into an entity of it own.

Watching as he relived what it had been like as his tormentors entertained themselves, cutting off fingers to pass the time when their days became too boring. When they used his body for their sexual gratification, passing him around and taking bets on how long his body could endure before unconsciousness won out again.

He continued, describing horror after horror. His body ceased to be any thing they would recognize as the man they had known only minutes before. Mumbling words and phrases none could understand. And still it continued. And if they'd thought his screams for mercy would haunt them forever, it was nothing compared to watching as his screams went silent while his face continued to contort in agony and his mouth continued to form the screams no longer heard. So lost in his remembered suffering Janet had a real fear his body might give out; just give up. Unable to pull his mind out of the memory everyone watched as Janet first fought to restart his heart. Twice. Then rushing from the room with her straddling his body, manually pumping oxygen to his lungs while others of her staff fought to maintain the tiny thread holding him to this world.

Those in the observation booth continued to stare blindly down on the empty room too shocked to even register the passage of time.

To Be Continued...


~~Please take a moment to tell me what you think. Reviews are very much appreciated.
~~Zhaan