Silenced Screams

Chapter Twenty


Dr. McKenzie had arrived and was already in conversation with his patient when they both entered. 'Conversation' was something of a stretch considering the man in question lay facing the wall and not adding so much as a grunt to their exchange. That attitude did not seem to detour the doctor as he continued to speak.

“Captain you have a visitor. We talked before about the Colonel coming to visits. Do you remember? He'd like to ask you a few questions. Do you think you're up to that today?” Still receiving no response the doctor continued on.

“Colonel I'd like you to meet Captain Joe Turner.” Gesturing between the two men as he introduced the Colonel to his patient, he paused for only a second before he continued. “Captain I'd like you to meet Colonel Jack O'Neill.”

Not expecting a response from his patient the doctor turned to fill the Colonel in on what he could expect from his patient. “Colonel I wouldn't get my hopes up for very much interaction. Captain Turner has been completely unresponsive to any outside stimuli since his last flashback. He seems to be lost in a world of his own...”

“O'Neill...O'Neill...Airman O'Neill...Airman...Airman O'Neill...” Turner's dreamy whispers surprised both doctors, freezing all thoughts as they turned to give, their before unresponsive patient, their full attention.

“Hey, I thought you said he didn't talk.” Jack ask feeling more and more uncomfortable with the way he continued to repeat his name.

“Well, he hasn't been interacting to any stimuli in his environment until now.” McKenzie clarified as he moved his chair back to Turner's side. “Yes Captain, it's O'Neill. You might have known him as Airman O'Neill. Do you remember him? Have you two met before? Can you tell me anything you remember about him?” McKenzie very much wanted to keep his patient talking. He'd been so unresponsive the past few days. This could very well be the break he'd been hoping for. Turner hadn't moved from his spot facing the wall only folding his body up smaller, hiding himself even more from his preconceived danger, his eyes still unfocused as he continued repeating the Colonel's name.

While Jack remained across the room from the little gathering Janet pulled her chair closer to McKenzie and Turner. Psychiatry was not her field but as CMO of the base she was expected to know at least a little in each specialized field. That a before unresponsive Turner had seemingly latched on to the Colonel this time when he'd shown no reaction at the mention of him before had her very curious.

“Why is he only now reacting to the Colonel?” Janet ask, pitching her voice lower for the doctor's ears only.

It took a few seconds before McKenzie hit upon the obvious answer. So simple yet completely over looked until now. “Because the Colonel has only been referred to as 'The Colonel' until now.” McKenzie's explanation hadn't drowned out the sound of Turner voice as he continued still lost in his nightmare past.

“I waited. I held out against all their torture. Wouldn't let them break me, no matter what they did, I wouldn't let them win. But you never came back. No one ever came. I waited. No one came for me. You left me to die. You left me to their mercy. Oh my god. How could you leave me? How could you turn your back on me...leave me? How could you? Oh god the pain! For days...for weeks I never lost faith. Someone would come for me. Someone would save me, they had to. But no one ever came All you had to do was help me back to the chopper. All you had to do was tell someone I was alive...that I needed recuse...to send someone back for me. But you didn't.” Turner continued on, speaking more to himself than anyone in the room with him. His voice starting to take on a slight edge of hysterics the more he spoke.

Both doctors held captive under the spell of the events unfolding before them, they'd total forgotten the Colonel was still standing in the far corner. He didn't want to believe the man before him could be the strong confident soldier he'd met only briefly all those years ago, but the more he spoke the harder it became. The doctors, after their momentary surprise, had began to worked together to pull as much information as possible from the memory their patient was currently locked in. Dr. McKenzie was having no luck breaking through the horrors triggered at the mention of the Colonel's name. That one brief moment his patient had existed in the 'here and now' seen gone. He got no response to anything else he said.

Maybe because it wasn't her field, because she hadn't been taught the correct steps to take in a situation such as this, Janet's gut led her in a different direction. Flipping through the Captain's medical file,and taking note of all of the physical evidence of torture Adam had not been able to explain, she began to question their origin.

“Captain, when were your legs broken? It was the first entry in her file and as good a place to start as any.

“Tried to escape. Hide out for days. Trying to get away.” He answered still lost in his own past. “You will never escape again. You will never run from us again.” Turner continued in a voice thick with an unknown accent. Followed by with a scream full of the pain and suffering. His screams went on, growing with misery at the remembered pain until Janet's next question moved him on from that horror. Going down her list of physical tortures cataloged in her medical file, he revisited each and every abuse he'd suffered at his captive's hand. Each horror seeming to out do the last. Sealing their prisoner in a 'hotbox' for days on end for the least imagined transgression. Chopping fingers off for no better reason than their warped amusement. Gang rape and sodomy for entertainment. Setting him on fire for his complaint of the cold. But by far their worst horror was revealed as he answered the need of a mechanical voice box. Severing his vocal cords to silence his anguished cries and pleas for mercy. No longer would his captors be disturbed by his sounds. And when they'd finally tried of him they disposed of him as they did all the other trash. Left him with all the other trash on the side of the road.

As wrapped up in her discoveries as Janet was with the man before her, she was still keenly aware of the man behind her. The Colonel was as much her patient as the shell of a man before her. She could clearly hear his heart-wrenching denial that soon turned to pleas for forgiveness when Turner's identity and suffering could no longer be denied. She'd heard the Colonel struggling to explain as the Captain continued to blame him for all the pain and suffering he'd had to endure. Pleas for understanding that he'd been too young and inexperienced to know what to do. That someone else had called his death, had handed him his dog tags and shoved from place to place until at last he'd landed in the chopper. That he'd been comatose for weeks afterward. She could hear the heart ache in the Colonel's voice as he continued to beg for forgiveness for failing him so completely on that mission. It was not the Colonel she'd known all her life, this person was that scared inexperienced kid who been thrown into a situation holy unprepared. He couldn't have been more than twenty two or twenty three when this had happened in '73. Her heart went out to that fresh young kid who'd been permanently scared by these events.

For the sake of both of her patients she needed to bring this session to a close. The Captain's physical condition again required she sedate him. His voice, had reached an unnatural mechanical pitch as he explained being taken in and healed. The long months of work it had taken some sympathetic heart to rebuild his body back to some semblance of what it had been. His vitals reflected the stresses his body had gone through reliving his captivity. Only able to spare the Colonel a passing look to judge his well-being she rushed on giving orders to her staff as everyone worked to stabilize the man currently loosing his thin hold on life. She knew this had taken as much, if not more, out of the Colonel, but whether or not he would allow anyone to help him was anyone's guess.

Giving him a little space and time to deal with everything he'd learned she'd found him working out in the gym during the early evening. She wasn't surprised that he'd been unwilling to talk about his feeling surrounding that mission. He would bury it all and refuse to deal with it as he did so many other traumas in his life. He would beat himself up and take all the responsibility on his shoulders...punish himself even when the fault wasn't his. She didn't know any of the particulars of the mission, but judging by the date he couldn't have been old enough to be thrown into a battle situation of that magnitude. And given that his medical records for that period were sealed, it had to be an 'off the books' mission they were referring to. But all she could do was offer, she couldn't make him take it. She could require he see McKenzie, but she knew that was a sure way to make him close up. He had a family now, people who cared about him and who'd be there for him now. She could only hope he'd realize it before it was too late.

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It had been something of a surprise, Teal'c hadn't expected to find anyone in the gym at this late hour. It was one of the reasons he'd chosen this time to come each day. The solitude allowed him to turn all of his energies to his workout without the distraction of others who took their workouts less serious...as more of a time to socialize. Watching O'Neill from the doorway he could see that he was working his body with a single-minded determination. And if appearances could be believed he'd been at it for sometime.

He was aware of the incident earlier with Captain Turner and he had some idea of how it must have effected his friend. Surely he hadn't been here all that time. He had no doubt O'Neill would hold himself responsible for all the suffering the Captain endured at the hands of his captors, even though it could never be his fault. O'Neill held himself to a standard no one could ever hope to achieve. A hundred years of experience had taught him that somethings were beyond your control...that the best you could hope for was to do your best in the 'here and now'. The past could not be changed. Guilt was a wasted emotion. Giving into it's pull would only immobilize you. It would keep you from any action in the present. And that seem to be exactly what O'Neill was doing now. So lost under the weight of things done in the past that he was unable to move forward. There were people who depended on him now that he was failing because he could no see past that time.

Moving into the room and into O'Neill's line of sight Teal'c began adding weights to both sides of the bar. Lifting weights and bench presses were usually how he started his workout each evening.

“I was not aware you were still on Base O'Neill.” Teal'c said by way of greeting receiving only a grunt in answer. Satisfied with the amount of weights he'd added he allowed the silence to stretch on as he began his usual workout routine. He continued to watch as Jack pushed himself harder and harder, punishing his body as atonement for his failing of the past.

“You can not change the past O'Neill. Do not allow the past to prevent you from helping those who need you now.”

“I don't wanna hear it T. Just don't. Okay!” Jack snapped still taking out all of his vengeance on the rapidly moving ball.

As you wish O'Neill, but it can not be easy for MajorCarter to be alone in her home after everything that has transpired there recently.” Teal'c conceded in his usual stoic delivery.

“WHAT!” Jack screamed grabbing his punching ball and halting it's motion, the emotions playing over his face were clear for Teal'c to read. Teal'c wasn't blind nor was he clueless as so many people thought. He understood exactly the emotions driving the man. His deep sincere love...his most basic need to protect. He only wished O'Neill would open his eyes to this underlaying reason. It was plain for any and all to see, yet, they both denied it's existent. “She didn't...she wouldn't...” He halted, unable to complete his sentence. He'd dropped the ball again. Lost sight of everything she had to be going through as he focused on his own issues. Issuing a string of curses Teal'c could hear as he moved down the corridor and into the locker room, Jack refocused his attention to the duty he still had to Sam. His own self-loathing would have to wait. He couldn't fail her as he had so many others who'd depended on him in the past. Today that list had grown by one, he was not willing to add Sam's name to it.

He'd broken every speed law on the books as he raced from the mountain to her house. He'd envisioned every 'worst-case scenario' his fertile imagination could throw at him. Even with the threat of Hanson gone there were still hurtles to be crossed and knowing Carter as he did, he was sure she believed she could handle them all alone. That her analytical mind and military background would be enough to see her through. It wouldn't, he knew that from bitter experience. He had vowed he'd be there for her. And 'there' he would be. He wouldn't take his eye off the ball again.

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There were no lights on inside her house except the small illumination of the hall entry light. He was sure she was home, her car sit parked in front of his in her driveway. He hadn't received a reply to the numerous times he'd knocked. She had to be in there. He was starting to worry the longer the silence dragged on. He'd kick the door in if she didn't answer soon. All the possible explanations sending a chill down his spine. So lost in those possibilities his raised fist almost connected with her face as she finally opened the door.


To Be Continued...


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If you would like to receive a copy of the 'unbeta'ed' next chapter before it's posted, all you have to do is drop me an email requesting chapter twenty-one. I could really use your input on it before I put it out there. Whether you want to give me comments on it or not you can still request it.

Email me at: zhaan@msn.com


Thanks
Zhaan