Silenced Screams

Author's Note's: Hello again. So, so sorry for the unforgivable delay. This chapter show have been up before the end of the year. I've actually had it finished and ready to post that long. But, unfortunately real life has been a bit overwhelming. Thankfully this time not because I was sick. I had two brother's who's daughters both gave birth a day apart during the holidays. The ensuring craziness has finally settled. I got back and there were so many great stories to read that I couldn't stop to post until I caught up, so now here you go. I hope there's still someone out there interested in reading this. Let me know what you think. There's still one more chapter to go, but it may be a while since I haven't really started it yet. What can I say, you know how I freeze when it comes to writing smut. And I have been informed there just must be a final Sam and Jack smut chapter. So...as soon as I unfreeze I'll see if I can do one. But since everyone already knows I'm no good at it you shouldn't be too disappointed.
Author's Note: I need to say a special thanks for all the great reviews I've received. You guys have been so wonderful, not one bad review and that's kinda scary since I know I'm not that good. Does that mean I'm so bad you all just feel sorry for me. If so I can live with that. Keep it up. Also special thanks for all the wonderful help I've had with this. We all know I'll miss someone if I try to list them here. Beside much more and this will be longer than the chapter. So look for that list at the end of the next chapter. I'm sure it will be much longer by then anyway.
Author's Note: One last thing. I'm told I must give permission for this to be archived to the various different sites. Since I don't know all the different names consider this my permission to post this anywhere you wish and if you let me know I'll come visit it.
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AND NOW ON WITH OUR STORY...

Chapter Twenty-Six


This day had been such a roller-coaster ride and the emotional tally would continue for some time. It was far from over and their wounds would be a long time healing. But, to some small degree, there was closure. Questions had been answered and demons laid to rest. But no one kidded themselves; there was still a long road ahead of them. But, after all that had happened today, the healing had at least begun.

Joining the others gathered around the briefing room table where it had all begun, Jack looked at his watch and was shocked to see that less than thirty minutes had passed since he'd left this room. He gave only a small portion of his focus to McKenzie's explanations: to his theories on how Turner had been physically able to do things that should have been impossible in his condition; and to the various personalities they'd witnessed during Turner's stay.

“The mind...” McKenzie explained, “...is a powerful tool. Turner's had fought against all odds to help him survive the horrors of his captivity...by adapting and changing...by creating the many personalities necessary for him to survive...by dividing and further subdividing as reality became more than he could handle. His mind has created its own world, its own reality.” He pointed out that the burns and grafts on Turner's face, which had been less noticeable under the skull cap he always wore, could easily have given the Major's drugged mind the impression of a 'face melting and falling off' as she had described after her abduction.

Jack didn't really see the need for the doctor's ramblings. Turner had been Sam's attacker. There was no disputing that fact. He was also responsible for everything that had happened to Sahara. And, although he hadn't known until today, he'd also been the cause of much of the trouble he and Sara had had. Turner’s confession explained so much of Sara's behavior every time he'd left or returned from a mission. He continued to beat himself up for not seeing the signs. Sara's personality had changed so much from the exciting, outgoing, independent woman he'd been drawn to. By the end, she'd become really clingy and nervous, always begging and pleading with him not to go on missions...not to leave her alone.

Sam had said how her attacker had continually talked about being left behind and Turner had mentioned that, as well. Why hadn’t he realized then? And then, during his therapy sessions with McKenzie, Turner had spoken repeatedly about 'being thrown away like trash on the side of the road', which was almost the exact same words Sam had used when she’d described what had been done to her. And Sahara had been dumped on the side of the road just like Sam had…he could see the connection so easily now. He'd had so many opportunities to see…there’d been so many clues, all screaming out that something strange was going on...that all these awful things that had happened to Sahara, to Sara, and now to…Sam…were all connected...were all connected to him.

He was trying hard to remember why no one had thought it strange when Sahara had been found dumped on the side of the road within clear view of the 'guard station'. How would anyone know to leave her there of all places. She was taken from the mall. How would he know she had connection to the base. Why hadn't he questioned that location or its reason back then? Obviously, she hadn't been there the entire time or someone would've seen her, but then no one had seen her being dumped there either. It would've required perfect timing to pull something like that off, long hours studying the guards routines and behavior. There had been so many chances for him to figure this all out and he'd missed each and every one of them. Maybe had he been able to figure all this out sooner he could have done something to end it all, to save Sam from what she’d been through. He’d let down everyone he’d ever cared about.

He supposed he should be trying harder to follow along but his mind was still working overtime trying to comprehend how everything in his life had changed in the last thirty minutes...everything he thought he knew about his life had been turned upside down. The last thirty years of his life had just been re-written. It was a lot to take in.

He could hear Daniel jump in to remind everyone of Janet's earlier statement.

“I think you keep forgetting something. Janet. Didn't you just say that Turner wasn't even in the country at the time of the first attack?” He looked to her to verify that that statement was still true, only to see her brows drawn tightly together as she re-examined that assumption. She knew the responsibility fell to her to verify such details since she was most likely the only one who would know the Colonel's past well enough. Jack certainly wasn't able to at the moment. She could tell he was in too much shock to do it himself...and so was Sam.

“Captain Turner said it took the doctors three years...” Janet trailed off, trying hard to remember exactly how he had worded it. “...unless...” she continued, eyes losing their focus as her mind tried to solve the puzzle. “...unless...he meant a total of three years, including his time as a POW. That mission was in '73 and Sahara's death was in '76...” Her eyes cleared and refocused on the faces around the table as the time line fell into place to match Turner's story. “If it was just a total of three years, then he could have been back in time...if he came back and immediately started following Colonel O’Neill...it would fit,” she concluded.

Turning, Janet focused on Jack as she continued. “You thought someone was following you...watching you before Sahara's attack...maybe it was him.” She finished as more and more of her memory came back. She could practically see Jack suffocating under the pain and guilt that he felt at being the reason for all of their pain and suffering. “It wasn't your fault, Sir. You did everything you could...you changed her routine...had us watching her...as I recall you drove us crazy with all of your precautions. And you did all of that based on nothing more than a 'feeling'. And you had that same feeling a few months ago...that was probably him also” He finally met her stare, but she could tell he was unconvinced...the guilt wouldn't leave easily or soon.

Jack couldn't meet anyone's eyes, certain they'd be able to see his guilt reflected back. He was responsible...the cause of all the suffering everyone had had to endure. It was all his fault. Turner had targeted everyone he'd ever cared about...making them the focus of all the rage he’d harbored. Everything Sahara had been put through...everything Sara had gone through...and then...Sam. She might never be the same...and all because of him. She'd held it together so well so far...so much better than him. But he could see the signs of shock in her eyes...could see that she was still convinced she could control all of her emotions by sheer force of will. But he'd been through it before and knew it didn't work that way. He just hoped, for her sake, that he could get her out of here before it hit. She wouldn't want to fall apart in front of the others...that might just be more than she could handle on top of everything else. He would deal with his own guilt once he was sure she was okay. He'd been right...someone would have to pay for everyone's suffering...that someone just turned out to be him. He still held out hope that the review board would take care of that. He deserved whatever they decided to do to him. He'd failed everyone enough already. He wasn't going to fail her again.

Sam had seen the Colonel's eyes finally wander from the tabletop where he'd kept them fixed since they'd all gathered. For just a moment after Janet's eyes had released his he locked his gaze on her. It had been brief...but more than enough to see the demons he was wrestling with, the guilt he felt for being the cause of everyone's pain and suffering. It was enough to make her redouble her efforts...he felt guilty enough without adding to that load by breaking down...falling apart. He didn't need that...didn't deserve that. She was a 'smart girl', a 'strong soldier'. She'd been trained to handle personal trauma...it was required of every female in the military...this was no different. She had no doubt he was beating himself up enough.

Jack snapped out of it as he became aware of Daniel repeating a question. He'd asked several times from the sound of things but had gotten no response. However, following a lifetime of ingrained training, General Hammond's voice was able to snap him back to the present as he repeated the question Daniel seemed to think was so important.

“Jack, you obviously understood what Captain Turner was saying. What was it?” Hammond asked in his most commanding tone. He could easily see that Jack was a million miles away. Today had taken its toll on everyone, but especially Jack. It would be a long time before any of them recovered.

“Yes, Jack, you still haven't explained the meaning of the words Captain Turner kept repeating. What does...” and Daniel rattled off a string of sounds that seemed to match what the others had heard numerous times during Joe's therapy sessions with McKenzie.

“It means 'end my suffering'.” He was speaking now, but no one doubted that Jack was still miles away, lost in his own world. His eyes had lost their focus and his voice was flat...mechanical...like a machine...the machine Jack had left on automatic pilot to deal with the conversation they were having while he was far away.

“When I was a POW...the prisoners that were there with me...we made a pact. When the torture...the pain...the abuse…became too much, when we'd given up...given out...couldn't take it anymore, we would pray. Pray to one another and know our prayers would be answered. Know that one of the other prisoners would hear and end our suffering when we where no longer able.”

Ever the inquisitor, Daniel couldn't help continuing to question the language. “I don't recognize that dialect, though. I thought you were held in an Iraqi POW camp. I know all the different dialects and variations of their language, Jack, and that's not one of them.”

“That's because it's a prison language, Daniel. What would be the point of speaking a language the guards could hear and understand? They'd never allow us to carry out our plans if they understood what we were saying. Every prison...every cell block…always creates it's own language. Ours was only three words...“Silence my screams”.

The room went deadly silent. The silence stretched on for an eternity as the people around the table tried to digest what Jack had just said and grasp the implications: that a people's entire vocabulary could consist of only a three-word prayer. Not a prayer for mercy, or forgiveness or escape, but a prayer sent out to the others of your own kind for the only grace they had to give. 'Silence my screams'. The sheer enormity of that concept left everyone envisioning the conditions they had been forced to endure and the depth of despair they must have suffered before whispering that final prayer, to 'Silence My Screams’.


To Be Continued...


Only one more chapter guys. Tell me what you think and what you'd like to see and how you'd like to see this end.