Silenced Screams

Chapter Four

Jack stepped off the elevator feeling worst than when he'd left yesterday. Well, he was worst than he'd been yesterday. Yesterday when he left he hadn't spent an entire night tossing and turning. “Talk about being glad to see the sunrise...boy was I ever.”

Beginning of Flashback

It had been a very restless night...fighting demons I thought I'd buried long ago. Buried almost thirty years ago...when I buried Sahara. I worked hard to bury all that pain and guilt. Locking it away in a deep dark corner never to be revisited. And to a great extent it worked. Sahara tragic suicide had burned away the last of the humanity I possessed. I became all rough sharp hard edges. No more soft spots. No love or compassion or caring. No one and nothing would ever get close to my heart again. That way lay only pain and suffering. Not just for me...for them also. But never again. Never again would I ever fail someone I loved. Never again would anyone get that close to my heart. I bricked it in...locked it behind layer after layer of impenetrable locks, never to be seen again. Sahara had depended on me to protect her and I failed her. Not once, but twice. And it had ultimately cost her, her life. But never again. I will never be that close to anyone every again.

I devoted my life to what I did best. What the Air Force had been trying to tell me for years now. I was good for only one thing...killing. In any shape, form or fashion...even when I'm not trying, it seemed I could kill. Sahara was proof of that. Well so be it. Not fighting it anymore. They wanted a killer, I'll give them a killer.

Ya, it had taken a few months to come to that decision, but it had been the right thing to do. The memory of that day forever burned into my soul. The day everything changed...everything turned black. She had been on the road to recovery. During better than the doctor's had predicted. Putting all the nightmares and horrors behind her and starting to act like the Sahara I'd always known. Smiling and laughing again. I'd been so unsure about leaving her that first time...afraid of how she'd handle being alone again. Jan and Sue came to the rescue, they had a wonderfully girlie party the whole time I was away. It made the time go by so much faster, made it easier for her. Now she was back. Being home alone didn't scare her anymore. It was a short mission. Just a few days. In and out in twenty-four hours. Then back to base.

She had wanted to stay alone this time. Only two nights tops for this mission. She had something to prove. She was strong enough to handle it, so I'd let her try. Oh, Jan and Sue had called to check on her and she was fine, handling everything just fine. And the mission had been an easy one. Much shorter than expected. And unspoken agreement to get in and out as fast as possible so she wouldn't be along for too long...we all worried about her, we all took care of her. So the mission was completed ahead of schedule. We returned hours ahead of schedule. Instead of the middle of the night on Friday, it was early evening. Even with the post-mission physicals and reports that had to be filed we were done before dark. Finished for the week with three days downtime slotted to blow off some steam and relax. And a Friday night on top of all that. We were gonna have a ball. I couldn't wait to get home and surprise her with our plans. It would be a party. Everyone was off-duty and it was time for a celebration and Sahara was gonna be right in the middle of it all just like old times. Not wanting to risk her saying no everyone piled into my jeep for our first stop. My house to get Sahara, then on to pick up Sue and by then Jan could catch up with us at the Pub in town.

Playing and horsing around all the way to my house, the party had already started. We all needed the break, time to relax and just simply have some fun like old times. It was just starting to get dark when we pulled up outside my on-base quarters. A nice little split level house that looked identical to all the other houses that lined both sides of the road in this area.

Getting to the door I felt my first moment of unease. We lived on base, no place could be safer. But since Sahara's attack several months back she had needed to keep all the doors and windows locked...for her own peace of mind. Tonight the front door was not locked. With that first moment of fear came the next as I took note of the fact that all the lights in the house were out. The house was in total darkness now that the sun had fully set. Another thing that had changed about Sahara since her attack. It wasn't so much that she was afraid of the dark, but more a peace of mind where there were no shadows or hiding places. But now every light was off. That sense of unease blossomed into all out fear in the space of a handful of heartbeats. Whether the guys sensed my unease or read the same inconsistency and subconscious signal of something just not 'feeling right', no one will ever know.

Trying to remain calm amidst my growing fear I called out to Sahara as I crosses the threshold. No answer. Repeating the greeting even louder still got me no answer. Ingrain military habit kicked in for us all, spreading out and searching the entire house. Kowalski and I moved upstairs while the others did a room by room search of downstairs. Coming up empty downstairs the guys were gathering to move upstairs when I screamed. Kowalski was the first to reach the bathroom, but the others were right behind him. The sight that greeted them would haunt us all forever. I set in a pool of Sahara's blood cradling her lifeless body. Her left wrist slit and blood everywhere.

End of Flashback

And now here he was walking that same path again. Scrubbing his hand over his face and through his hair Jack could feel the weight settle on his shoulders...old guilt...old regrets...old pains he'd thought were buried for good.

How could he be there for Carter when he couldn't pull himself out of this hole? Every time he looked at her...it was Sahara all over again. And he knew for certain he wasn't strong enough to walk that path again. He couldn't...wouldn't survive another lost like that. But a part of him knew he must. He owed his 2IC that from her CO even if the man couldn't. He would be what he had become.“ The man who took on any mission and returned victorious, regardless of personal cost.”

With one last deep cleansing breathe, he squared his shoulders and entered Sam's room. Janet was taking the last of her readings while she talked softly with Sam. She was still feeling the effects of all the sedative they pumped into her in the last twenty-four hours or so. They both looked up as Jack entered the room, Sam tracking his every movement until he pulled up a chair beside her bed along side where Janet was standing. Absently he reached out and took one of her hands and began rubbing circular motion on the back of her hand while Janet continued her questions.

“Do you know what day it is today Sam? Do you know where you are right now?” Janet, ever the level headed doctor continued to test Sam to determine her true state of mind and awareness.

“I’m in the infirmary, I’m not sure of the day. It’s was hard keeping track of time. The last I remember was going to bed on Friday night. I don’t know…Monday or Tuesday, I’m not sure.” Sam tried her best to hold herself together like the good little soldier she had been trained to be. Her voice broke a few times and a tear or two had found it’s way down a trail on her face.

“Do you remember what happen to you Sam? Who kidnapped you and why?” Janet continued in a calm conversational voice. Trying to get as much information as she could without causing Sam too much stress. “Do you know where you’ve been or how you ended up in the alley behind your house?”

“Oh god.” She cried as she began trembling, shaking and hyperventilating as the memories began to all come back to her.

To Be Continued


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