Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

In My Thoughts, Always	By : Amelia_Jade Category: 1 through F > The Big Bang Theory Views: 29330 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: In no way shape, or form do I own anything related to Big Bang Theory. I just play with the characters in naughty, naughty ways.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
I want to say a couple of important notices for this chapter:
To start with we are going to start seeing a significantly darker, slightly more creepy and controlling Sheldon.
Amy will be introduced soon (the original story did not include her, but let's face it, she is too funny!) She is known here through Bernadette who works with Penny, so the girls all know each other, but Amy hasn't met the boys yet and there will be NO SHAMY in this story). Bernadette and Howard are not together (they went on that date when Penny and Leonard were dating but they didn't hit off over their mothers like they did in the show), but Bernadette has met the boys, and how this works out, well, you'll just have to keep reading now won't you :)
Also I am doing so many flashbacks so early to show the development of Sheldon and Penny to display how they got to where they are right now in present time. Someone mentioned that Sheldon in the last chapter was very forward but that's why I'm doing the flashbacks to show that he's moving at just the pace he wants.
As for reviews I wish some of you would, good, bad, or in between! I live for them.
On with the show.
Again reviews always welcome.
I own nothing.
Chapter 4
S-POV
When I was a child, I had next to nothing. Technically being the youngest will do that to a child. Though Missy and I germinated within the same womb, she exited before I did, thus the term 'technically'. Having Missy and George Jr. as older siblings did not help to say the least. Matters did not improve when you threw in the factor of my father, an alcoholic at the best of times and an emotionally and physically abusive bully at worst.
When I was 8, I was working on a project that I just so happened to need a test subject for. I decided one of Missy's dolls should be honored to be involved in a feat of science, so one day while Missy was at one of her female friend's house after school, I snuck into her room.
The thought of stealing has never sat well with me. Meemaw taught me that thieves were cowards and I was a brave knight and not a coward. Meemaw told me so it must be true. Meemaw also taught me that stealing was wrong and against the law, and I did not want to go to jail, but I needed a test subject for my experiment. Surely Meemaw would understand the necessity, for science.
I need to get into Missy's room without Mother and Father catching me, which shouldn't be too much of a problem. Between Father's inebriated slumber and Mother's 'Bible time', which was really just where she went into the backyard and smoked her cigarettes or as Meemaw referred to them 'cancer sticks'. They should be out of the way for the most part.
George Jr. is at football practice, so he won't be a problem either, and if I believed luck was anything but hokum, I would say that I had it on my side. I stop at Missy's door and pause before I enter. I debate knocking. I want to, feel I need to, but I know that her room is empty and the odds of knocking and waking Father are too great to indulge my acknowledged idiosyncrasies, so I do not knock.
I enter the room as quietly as possible, and my eyes are immediately assaulted by pink and purple of all hues. It's at this point I determine that I must get out of this room as quickly as possible. I search through the dolls in the baskets first as they are the most accessible, but they are all plastic, not what I need for my experiment. I need porcelain, glass or china, and thanks to Mother, Missy has these lining the shelves.
They are more expensive than the plastic and are the cause of me not getting the 'funding' for my experiment; even though George Jr. got new football equipment and Missy got to go on a school trip (but no money for Sheldon to get a new telescope).
It is as I am searching through these newer dolls and I note absently that they all seem to be brunette. Missy must prefer this. I don't really care, but I note everything around me and this fact does not go unnoticed no matter how little I care about the subject. It is like when Father speaks to me about football. I couldn't care less about football, but I can name you the entire list of statistics of the Dallas Cowboys and then some.
All of these dolls are adequate for my experiment's parameters and though I know I need to get out of the room quickly, I keep searching through the dolls. I feel as if I must pick the perfect one for my project, as I am the best, I should get to use the best equipment.
I see a flash of golden sunlight spilling over the back of the dresser. I see a doll hidden behind all the other dolls on its side. I carefully reach through the others and pick up the fallen doll and pull her into my body. I feel as if I cannot control myself as I look into this inanimate object's emerald green eyes as if it could see into the soul I don't really believe I have.
She was beautiful.
A golden haired fairy wearing an effervescent gown of sea green just a shade lighter than her eyes.
Her face is so pretty. She has painted pink lips and the porcelain used on her must have been of the highest quality because she was so white she looked like she had been carved out of bone.
A pair of satin white gloves and socks adorns her hands and feet, I can see her socks through her little plastic Mary Jane shoes. Hair spills everywhere and it looks like honey and sunshine mixed together to form a halo, like in those pictures of angels Mother has all over the house.
I am hit by an admittedly irrational bout of rage at Missy for taking such a precious object and discarding it to the back of her dresser and leaving it lying there to get crushed or scratched.
She could be dusty or dirty.
I have to clean her. Her. Yes. Her. This is not just some doll.
She is special and she is mine.
I hold the beautiful doll to my chest, and I realize I still need a doll for my experiment. The scientist in me notes that I am holding a perfectly usable doll in my arms, but the thought of anything happening to her makes me feel ill.
I don't like the feeling.
I grab another doll quickly, not caring which one I snatch. I only hope Missy doesn't notice two dolls missing. I don't think I can handle being held down while she 'wet willies' me again.
I know Meemaw told her not to do it anymore after the first time I showed up on her doorstep in the middle of the night with a pipe cleaner sticking out of my ear, but I never know with such a temperamental female.
I cradle my golden fairy in my arms, being extra careful not to crush her wings, while the other dangles from one of my hands by its hair. I take both to my room. I know I cannot let anyone in the house know I have Her. My brother would break Her just to see me cry and Missy would pretend it was her favorite doll just so I would get that much more in trouble. Not just for stealing, but for stealing her favorite of anything. My mother would pray for my thieving soul and my father, I hypothesize, would slur some obscenities and tell me I was a 'faggot' and that only boys who were 'faggots' played with dolls.
But I don't want to play with Her.
I want to keep Her safe and secure, away from all of the George Jr.'s and Missy's of the world.
With me, she will be the safest she could be.
It is a few days when Missy finally notices one of her dolls is missing. My experiment was over and finished. I had not obtained the results I wanted but the information I had gathered was valuable, so not a total loss, and worth the lecture I got from Mother when I confessed to taking the doll.
Missy never noticed the missing fairy doll and I never mentioned it.
I know that I will always wonder how Father found out.
A few weeks later, I come home from school later than usual as I had been discussing my schooling with one of my teachers. Summer was coming soon and I wanted to know if it were possible to be assigned summer classes. I wanted to learn as much as I could learn from this town and its few supposed intelligent individuals.
I see Father standing outside and I know something bad is about to happen.
His arms are crossed and he is leaning against his truck with a beer in one hand and a 'cancer stick' in the other.
I do not pick up on subtle facial cues well but even I know by the expression on Father's face that he is angry.
I walk up to him and he looks down at me. I only reach up to his navel right now, but I am only 8 years old and he is a tall man, odds are genetics will favor me later in life in this regard.
I tilt my head in a curious fashion. Most of the time in interacting with Father I use nonverbal communication as I have the feeling he does not enjoy the sound of my voice. Probably because I once heard him say, "Boy, I don' like tha sounda ur fuckin' voice! Shu' tha fuck up!" He then passed out, and I know he doesn't remember the encounter, but I do. I take the words to heart and I do not speak verbally to him as much as I can.
I really wish he would get on with this encounter. I am already late for brushing Shelly's hair. Yes, I named her Shelly. It's what my Meemaw calls me when she isn't calling me 'Moonpie' and I enjoy it even though it is a female name—only because it was Meemaw who used it.
I love to brush Shelly's hair. It's so soft and shiny and brushing it for her makes me feel like I have a purpose in the world. More than science, more than almost anything. I have a responsibility and it is to take care of Shelly to the best of my ability. That means I have to brush her hair, dust her, make sure her clothes are ironed and clean.
I am aware that she is inanimate, and she doesn't have consciousness, but it makes no difference in the things I feel when I perform these actions for her. She doesn't berate me when I speak of my experiments. She doesn't laugh at me when I fold my clothes in just the right way. She doesn't tell me what a freak I am. She does not drink and tell me she wishes I had never been born.
She is perfect.
She is my best friend.
And Father is holding her in front of my face by her head.
His large grease stained hand nearly encompasses her head and I cringe to think that I will have to wash her very well to get all the grease and cigarette smoke he will infect her with. The cigarette butt is touching her face and I want to cry. He holds her very haphazardly and I want to tell him to not hold her like that.
He is crushing her hair.
He is looking me in the eyes when I can see the flexing muscles in his large forearm, and I can predict the odds, and know how likely it is, what he is about to do. All this rolls through my head and still no words are spoken between us as I flick my eyes to Shelly, catching her eyes as the sun shines onto her. I believe I can see the fissures and cracks start to appear on her forehead from the pressure he is exerting on her head.
It sounds like a gunshot when I watch her head implode.
Porcelain flies everywhere and I can see blood dripping from Father's hand onto the ground which is littered with pieces of Shelly's head and hair the blood making it look like a small person has just been shot in the head.
Shelly's dead.
Father killed her; correction, George Cooper killed her.
He is no father of mine.
I tear my slowly watering eyes away from the broken body of the only being aside from my Meemaw who loves me, loved me.
He is still holding her body but not for long. He opens his bleeding hand and lets her body fall to the gravel drive, as more blood falls on her body staining the new purple dress I had bought for her just a week ago.
I had spent a quarter of my saved currency to purchase the dress because I knew that it would look beautiful with her golden hair and green eyes.
It had.
Now it's stained with the blood of a being who didn't deserve to breathe on it let alone destroy it.
I glared as tears slowly make their way down my face from my tear ducts.
He looks at me and says, "Only faggots play with dolls. Real men don't play with dolls."
It is so similar to what I believed he would say when I first found Shelly that I am momentarily startled and do not react for the next few minutes.
He bumps my shoulder as he passes me and I feel dirty in every place he touched me. I determine I must scrub those places especially hard in the shower that evening.
I can still feel the stinging in my eyes for what I imagine is an hour or so after he has pulled away, gravel spraying across my body and face. I feel if I move I will crumble as much as Shelly has.
My Shelly is gone.
I had felt the darkness of hatred flourish within me that day. Nurtured after that by every second I spent in that ignorant bastard's company.
After that day I refused to be left alone with my father in any capacity. My anger at the man was only surpassed by the fear I had of him. Fear of what he could do to me if he had no compunctions about destroying something so beautiful.
He did not seem to mind.
It was that day that I realized that I had to be able to protect anything I wanted to claim as my own, because there would always be those who don't understand wanting to take from me. I keep all of my most precious material possessions in a safe in my closet, my money is hidden in my figurines, and Penny is across the hall.
Penny.
She has been trying to avoid me since my last visit to the Cheesecake Factory over a week ago. She wasn't on shift this Tuesday so I did not eat there. I got my cheeseburger to go. I use the term 'trying' because her attempts haven't been very successful at it so far. This is mainly due to the fact that I know when she is coming and going thanks to the camera I set up in the living room of her apartment, and the camera out in the hall (thanks to Howard who never removed the one he set up to spy on Leonard and Penny when they were first dating).
When I am alone and I know Leonard will not be around for a while, I will play past recordings of Penny in her apartment just lounging around, or playing Age of Conan, anything. While I am working I will play these recordings and they comfort me with the illusion of Penny being in the apartment with me, doing her mundane everyday tasks and me working on solving the equations of the universe.
The future looks bright in these moments.
I will not let Penny avoid me though. She will have to get used to attention from me. Judging by her reaction to my first effort at physical—bordering sexual—contact between us, she has a long way to go. She is starting to get frustrated that her attempts to avoid me have failed, and it is cute. I inwardly cringe at my use of the word 'cute' but that is the only word that applies.
While everything about Penny interests me, and attracts me, it is her smile I love the most.
It's just like Shelly's smile.
I noticed it the first moment she smiled at me. She was a perfect replica of my golden fairy. All I wanted to do the first time smiled at me was gather her up into my lap and brush her hair. She is so delicate and innocent; I have to protect her, even from herself and especially from Leonard.
*Knock Knock Knock*
"Penny."
*Knock Knock Knock*
"Penny..."
*Knock Knock Knock*
"Penny..."
"I know you are in there Penny, please answer the door." I know she's in her apartment because I saw her on the camera. I gave her just enough time to get showered and dressed, but now she has to face me and she will listen to me. Now is the perfect time. She is off work for the next two days and Leonard is staying with Raj until tomorrow evening.
She opens the door and lets me in. My eyes are drawn to her ample bottom as I walk behind her.
"Sheldon what do you want? I'm getting ready to go meet some friends of mine. It's girls night."
"I won't take too much of your time, Penny, but I was hopeful that we could have some time together this evening as I currently have nothing pressing to accomplish, and I know you are free for the next two days. Though, if you are otherwise occupied this evening I will come back later when we can converse in length if you would like?"
If I know Penny, and I do, she will be too curious by the thought of me wanting to speak to her to deny me. I will use this curiosity to my advantage.
"What do you want to talk about Sheldon?"
She stops putting on her heels to look at me as she voices the question.
I knew it. Ha! I know my Penny so well.
"Wait a minute. How do you know that I have no work? Sheldon! Did you get my schedule from Anna again!"
"I believe the raised voice is a little unnecessary, Penny, but yes I did. Anna was quite cooperative in providing me with your schedule after I informed her if she did not consent I would show up during her shifts and she would be forced to wait on me. She was quite amenable to my terms after that."
I sit on the only clean part of the couch and cross my legs.
"Now, are we going to discuss last Tuesday or am I going to have to follow you on your 'girls night' to discuss it there. Your choice."
My little golden fairy
I smirk at the shock on Penny's face.
- 3
- 4
- 5
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

In My Thoughts, Always