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The Thirteenth Step	By : ExOnEv Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 4503 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any characters wherein. No monetary gain for me from writing this, just beautiful and tragic moments in my mind's eye.

Chapter List
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Morgan didn't know why he was doing this. He didn't know if it was loyalty or maybe responsibility. He was afraid it was something more than that. He was afraid because he never saw it coming. It wasn't even a conceivable thought in his mind until two nights ago when Reid told him how he felt and had planted the seed.
When Reid told Morgan that he couldn't stop thinking about him Morgan knew it in his gut what he meant. He could see it all over Reid's face. Morgan had such a natural bond, a brotherhood, a seemingly unbendable trust with Reid. It angered him to have everything twisted into something almost unrecognizable. And he was still upset at how he reacted because he loved that kid. He'd do anything for Reid. That was partly why he was so confused and it was eating him up from the inside out. Morgan knew he wasn't a gay man. He had never considered a relationship with a man and sure as hell not a healthy one, given his history. Not until now. Morgan considered himself to be a very accomplished ladies' man and he enjoyed women. A lot. He wasn't sure he was willing to switch teams, not even for Reid.
But there he stood. In front of Reid's door. If anyone were to ask him why he was there he would have had to make up an answer because he just didn't know. He went to knock and brought his hand back. He felt ridiculous. "What the hell am I doing?" he said aloud. He turned around to leave and then stopped after several paces. He half smiled as if he won a contest of wits with himself and decided right then that he couldn't be scared. He had to face this head on or it was only going to get worse for everybody.
Morgan took a deep breath and headed back to the Reid's door. He slowly knocked three times. As he waited he randomly noticed his sunglasses were hanging from his t-shirt collar and wished he'd remembered to leave them in the Suburban. He looked left and then right. He never ever saw a soul in that building. He wondered if Reid was the only tenant in the place. He cleared his throat as he heard the deadbolt unlocking.
Reid greeted Morgan with a very warm smile. It was absolutely infectious. Morgan grinned too. "Come in, come in…" Reid said reaching his arm out welcoming Morgan in. When Morgan began to pass by him, Reid put his arm around Morgan's shoulders and gave him a good squeeze before letting go.
"How was yesterday after you came home? Were ya bored?" Morgan began the small talk right away.
"No, I had stopped by the library so I had plenty to read," Reid paused and thought of something else to add, placing his hands in his pockets. "Oh, and I brought some files home. I've been working… on, uh, developing geographical profiles on our open cases, taking notes… Some other unsolved cases too."
"Oh?" Morgan said looking around Reid's place. It was a bit untidy compared to when he was there last. It made Morgan think he'd been up all night workin' that genius brain of his. "You alright?"
"I couldn't sleep..."
"Everything else alright?" Morgan's head was slightly cocked, his eyes squinting and his jaw clenched.
Reid dismissed Morgan's concern with a laugh. "Yeah, sure." Reid knew that Morgan was really asking if he had used in the last 2 days. He hadn't. And that was one of the reasons why Reid didn't sleep last night.
"You look like shit," Morgan said as he pulled off his leather jacket and removed his sunglasses from his shirt collar. He searched for somewhere to place them, finally laying them on the kitchen bar stool nearby.
"Yeah, well," Reid's brow came together as he frowned toward the floor. "I didn't say it's been easy."
"I know, man. I know…" Morgan said and then paused sensing some tension from Reid. He watched as Reid pulled his hands from his pockets and rubbed his face hard. Morgan was reminded of something he had wondered about which was how the hell Reid got his hands on Dilaudid again anyway, or if he had some stashed away this whole time. He didn't want to talk about that now though. The investigator in him also wanted to snoop around, but he wasn't there for that. "Okay, Reid, we need to talk." Morgan watched Reid's Adam's apple drop and rise again. Reid always gave himself up like that. Morgan looked away which allowed Reid to flash an expression of worry before he needed to compose himself. "Don't be scared, man." Morgan sat down on Reid's couch with his legs open, elbows on his knees. He watched Reid and waited for him to sit down beside him. Reid slowly seated himself and cleared his throat. "Reid," Morgan started.
Reid could tell by the look on Morgan's face, he was already struggling to find the right words. "Beer?"
"Yesss." Morgan sounded so grateful. Reid quickly got up and got two beers, hurrying back. They twisted the caps off at the same time and took long, refreshing drinks. Reid moved in unison with Morgan on purpose, quite amused by it. Morgan belched quietly. "Excuse me... Damn, that's better." Reid saw some pressure release from Morgan right away. He smiled and laughed a little and his eyes became transfixed on his friend. Morgan was such a masculine guy. Reid really looked up to him. "Hey."
Reid's eyes shot up from Morgan's bicep and he tucked his lips inside his mouth being a little embarrassed for staring. He almost felt like he couldn't help it. He was becoming mesmerized more and more as the moments passed. He couldn't believe Morgan came to him so quickly. He'd felt confident that it would happen, but wow… so soon? He wasn't sure if this was good or bad. Morgan’s tone sounded concerning, but the fact that he was there was good. They both sat quietly for a minute, taking several more small drinks each.
"I don't know how to have this conversation, Reid."
"Oh, okay…" Reid cleared his throat and ran his fingers behind his ears. "Let's, uhh, keep it simple."
"Okay." Morgan was tapping his foot and staring at the coffee table. "How in the hell do we keep this simple?"
Reid turned his body toward Morgan and let out a short breath. "One step at a time?" Morgan met his eyes. "It's going to be…" his voice trailed off as he thought about what that meant; one step at a time. Reid had taken a very blind leap already. "I- uhh, I realize now I may have pushed you the other night and I'm sorry."
"I'm not worried about that right now."
"What are you worried about?"
"Reid, I am not gay. This isn't me."
"Morgan, this doesn't have to have a label." Reid looked downward to pick his next words and then licked his lips before he spoke again. "What I've been feeling, what happened two nights ago… It's not… It- it's… It's not what I would have- I mean…" He took a long pause, his expression verging on sad. "I, uhh… I like girls too."
Morgan laughed to himself. "You coulda fooled me." He nodded backwards in the direction of the hallway. "You weren't scared at all, man." He took a drink.
"Morgan, I-I was petrified," Reid said with wide eyes. His voice went up a few octaves. "But I couldn't let you leave without showing you…" he trailed off again.
Not 'labeling this' and knowing Reid was scared too somehow made Morgan feel a little better… safer. He did want to tell Reid how he felt up to this point. He shot a somewhat serious look at Reid then said, "Ya know, I… I just remember thinking, 'Reid what are you doing?' and to myself, 'what are you doing?' Then things got so hot and …and …I liked it. It just all felt so… I don't know. I was nervous. Nothing like that has ever happened to me. If it had been anyone else, I would've knocked their ass out cold."
Reid let out a laugh because he didn't doubt for a second the truth in that statement. Then it settled in what Morgan had said to him. He felt that familiar sense of his forehead getting damp with tiny beads of sweat. Morgan said he liked it. Reid swallowed and shifted in his seat. He clamped his hands around the cold bottle hoping that would help cool him down and then cleared his throat, shifting in his seat again.
"You all hot and bothered now?" Morgan asked Reid noticing how badly he was fidgeting.
"Do you realize what you just said to me?"
"Yeah, I know exactly what I said."
"Is this it? Are- are we-? Are we a thing?" Reid was talking without thinking. His voice cracked on that last word.
Morgan put his hand on Reid's hand, both now resting on Reid's thigh. "Slow down…" Morgan told him. Reid couldn't even breathe, but he turned his hand over so he could hold Morgan's hand. Then he let out that breath he was holding.
"Right," he said and then inhaled deeply.
"Reid?"
"Yeah?" Reid looked at Morgan with some concern. Morgan's tone was serious again.
"What if I can't get to where you are?"
Reid knew what he meant and composed himself. "Uhh, I'll tell you the same thing that I'd expect you to say to me… which is… we will cross that bridge when we come to it, or we'll burn it."
Morgan chewed on that for a second. Could things get that serious with Reid? If things didn't work out, could they ever go back to the way things were? What was it like breaking up with another man? Would severing an intimate connection like that even be possible? No such thing existed with women. Not really.
"One step at a time?"
"Yeah, one step at a time," Reid assured. He rubbed the back of Morgan's hand with his thumb. He wanted someone to pinch him. He was expecting to wake up at any moment. He blinked his eye lids tightly and cleared his throat quietly.
Just then, Reid's cell phone rang. The noise made both the boys jump. Reid was quick to stand up and pull the phone from his pocket. "It's Prentiss." They both had a tiny bit of panic in their expression as they looked at each other. "Are you here right now?" Reid asked.
"Don't you tell her everything, but do not start lying to her," Morgan wanted to nip that in the bud.
Reid frowned at Morgan and answered the call. He walked off into his bedroom and Morgan stood up to wander around Reid's place. He stopped to look out the window. The sun was just making its way to the horizon. He couldn't see it anymore, the buildings were in the way, but he could see plenty of orange reflecting in the surrounding glass. He took a deep breath, not too sure about what he just signed up for. He didn't know how far he'd let this all go, but he knew he was 'curious' to say the very least. But only with Reid. He knew he wouldn't be with anyone else. What the hell was he gonna tell his Mama? He really didn't get too far into thought before Reid was coming back into the living room. "Hey, Prentiss invited us out for drinks with everybody." Reid seemed pretty excited.
"What did you tell her?" Morgan turned to look at Reid.
"About us?" Reid looked very confused.
"No, are we going out to the bar or what?"
Reid laughed out loud while he spoke. "Oh, I said I'd see if you wanted to go and we'd be there… if you wanted to go... Do you want to go?"
"You wanna go?"
"Do you think Hotch will mind?"
"Hmm," Morgan thought on it. "Nah, I think it'll be alright. I think he'd want to see how you're doin'. But you need to shower or something. At least look like you haven't been up for 36 hours straight."
Reid looked at Morgan with a very blank stare. All he could think about was how Morgan had left him the other night.
Morgan seemed to picked up on that. "I'm not going anywhere. Now hurry up."
- 6
- 7
- 8
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The Thirteenth Step