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If You Want To Play Games, Okay...But I'll Win	By : WW2_Lover Category: G through L > Hogan's Heroes Views: 1043 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of these characters, ANY part of this series, or make ANY money from Hogan's Heroes. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. Any words with a * in front of them are lines directly from the show.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Any words with a * in front of them are lines directly from the show.

Kommandant = Commander
Was machst du hier? = What are you doing here?
Luftwaffe = The German name for their Air Force
Reichsmarks = The currency of Nazi Germany. (It was discontinued in 1948.)
Dummkopf = Idiot
Frauen = Women
Danke = Thank you
Nein = No
Kommandtur = Commander’s office
Stalag = Stalag is short for ‘Stammlager’, which is short for ‘Kriegsgefangenen-Mannschaftsstammlager’. It translates to ‘prisoner-of-war camp’
Was ist in deinem Kopf los, Robert? = What is going on inside your head, Robert?
Mein Gott = My God
Kommandanten = Commanders

1900 hours, Klink's quarters…
Okay, he could admit it. Making sure Kinch knocked out the German guard ‘Battling Bruno’ and embarrassed Klink in front of General Burkhalter hadn’t been the smartest move on his part, at least not in the long run. For him, anyway. As Colonel Hogan stood on the front porch of the Kommandant’s quarters and prepared to knock on the door, he questioned if he should even bring the matter up. On one hand, it’s possible that Klink won’t consider the bet Burkhalter lost my fault in any way. I might just be causing unnecessary problems for myself, his common sense said.
A shiver rippled through the American colonel as he recalled all but demanding Klink to spank him the last time he’d been here, the memory causing him to blush. I must be nuts. Maybe I really do need that psychiatrist, he thought. Rob, the fact that you’re nuts was established a long time ago, his snarky inner voice said. Sometimes that inner voice of his was severely unhelpful, Hogan decided.
But on the other hand, Colonel Klink will just send for me tomorrow at some point if I don’t talk to him now. And this way, I can head everything off at the pass. Maybe he’ll even let it go and not spank me for once! Despite everything, there was a part of him that always remained optimistic in this regard. Tonight, it seemed like that part fell to his voice of reason. Besides that, he was addicted to the emotional release that resulted from the spankings the tall German administered. He hadn’t liked that feeling at all initially, but now it was like a drug.
Like a junkie, he couldn’t get enough of it. And although that idea should have sacred him, it didn’t. For some reason, he’d come to trust Klink with his physical well-being when they were having these ‘discussions’. In turn, Klink had seemed to become more protective of him then he’d been before. He’d always had a backbone when it came to protecting his prisoners, which was the one quality Hogan could admit that he sincerely appreciated. But ever since this arrangement of theirs had started, he half expected to see the older man hovering over him like a mother hen sometimes.
God help me if I get sick, he thought as he shook his head in amusement. I’ll probably find myself being force-fed chicken noodle soup and temporarily confined to the guest bedroom in Klink’s quarters! That type of situation would be highly annoying, as the senior POW officer was a man of action, and such a thing would cause him to be bored out of his mind. Even so, the thought still made him smile.
After much internal debate, the optimistic part of him finally won out as Hogan knocked on the door. He’d been ready to head over here anyway when the idea of nipping this in the bud occurred to him, and he liked to be efficient with his time. God only knew London was running him and his men ragged as the war’s end approached. The Allies were already on the outskirts of Germany, which meant that the liberation of Stalag 13 couldn’t be that far behind.
Yet the American officer sometimes found himself doubting if he wanted to leave Germany right away. He’d heard it was a beautiful country, with centuries of culture and lots of things to see. Still, being shot down and imprisoned didn’t leave much time for playing tourist!
Even when he was out on missions with his team, they were always pressed for time and high-strung to boot. Maybe Klink can show me some of the sights after the war, Hogan pondered, wondering what the answer to that question would be if he dared to ask it. A native tour guide would be pretty cool, and I can keep him out of trouble!
Hogan pushed those thoughts out of his mind for now as he remembered the other reason he was here. He’d been challenged to a wrestling match a while back by the German colonel, and of course he’d accepted. He would show Klink that experience wasn’t everything.
A smile played across his lips as he was told to enter, which he did. “Evening, Kommandant,” Hogan greeted as he gave a causal salute and shut the door behind him. “Bet you weren’t expecting to see me tonight, huh?” He hung up his crush camp and bomber jacket as he spoke. “Mind if I sit down, sir?” he asked.
“Hogan! Good evening, but…was machst du hier?” asked Klink in surprise. “For that matter, how did you get past the guards? And what are you wearing?” he added, his brow furrowing in confusion. The younger colonel was out of uniform, having opted instead to wear an all-tan sweatsuit before he’d come over. Klink knew he hadn’t sent for Hogan, and after being chewed out by General Burkhalter earlier, he wasn’t overly happy right now.
Betting money on ‘Battling Bruno’ should have been a sure thing, as the Luftwaffe guard was tall and built like a Tiger tank. But the man Bruno had been boxing was Sergeant Kinchloe. Seeing as Kinchloe was both an ex-Golden Gloves winner and one of Hogan’s close friends, Klink supposed he should have been expecting some tomfoolery to occur eventually.
Perhaps I should have told Burkhalter to bet on how long it would take my troublemaker to cause mischief instead, he thought wearily. That would have been a far better bet! The older man knew why the Austrian general was tenser than normal lately, because the general himself had informed him of the reason for it. The Allied forces had reached Germany, which meant all was lost for the regime unless a miracle happened.
At this point in the war, it was a toss-up if the Americans or the Russians would reach the camp first. Klink dearly hoped it wasn’t the Russians, because he knew that would end badly for him and the men under his command. Americans might be a cocky bunch – at least, if his brat was any indication of a typical American – but at least they still seemed to understand the meaning of ‘civil’.
There was a reason why the Russian Front was such a dire threat, after all, and it wasn’t just because of the extremely cold weather! At any rate, his commanding officer had to deal with the brass more directly than he did, and Klink knew they weren’t happy about the way things were going. Realizing he’d been asked a question, Klink nodded and snapped, “Yes, yes. *Request granted, Hogan. Sit down and answer my questions.”
“Well, you’re touchy tonight, Kommandant,” his troublemaker replied, even as his face lit up from hearing the German phrase. He hadn’t been lying before when he said he liked hearing Klink speak the rough-sounding language, but the tall German seemed a little cranky this evening. Well, he would fix that soon, Or hopefully he would, anyway. Taking a seat next to his self-appointed disciplinarian on the sofa, he answered the questions he’d been asked.
“First of all, sir, the guards are used to seeing me coming and going at all hours of the night. I’ve had to come here at odd hours before to let you know there was a problem, and they know it. As long as it’s only me out and about, and I’m not running wherever I happen to be going, they’re not too worried about it,” Hogan said cheerfully. “That’s why I had to drag Schultzie along the night my men had that argument. I was sprinting and I didn’t want anybody to get the wrong idea.”
Pausing for breath, he added, “Second of all, this is the newest in camouflage wear. Do you like it?” Hogan asked innocently as he motioned to his sweatsuit, knowing full well he was baiting Klink and not caring. “It’s a pretty simple concept. I just have to lie down in the dirt and stay still until the gates open. The tan color blends in with it perfectly, you know. Then after the gates open, I just pop up off the ground and slip out. Boom, instant escape,” he finished with a smirk.
Either I’m gonna piss Klink off and we’ll handle business now, or we’ll have the wrestling match first – which he’s gonna lose at, since there’s no way he can outmuscle me – and then we’ll handle business. Any way you slice it, he’ll be cheered up and not grumpy! Hogan thought.
While he wasn’t thrilled with the idea of his guards letting the wily American wander around wherever and whenever he pleased, the German officer had to admit Hogan’s tendency to butt into things had come in handy more than once. And when has Hogan ever behaved as a proper prisoner should anyhow? Klink asked himself.
He couldn’t recall a time when that had ever been the case, which was the whole problem! In addition to that, he wasn’t in the best mood at the moment. Therefore, Hogan’s jokes and his off-the-wall American sense of humor weren’t all that funny to him. “I am not amused, Colonel Hogan. Now tell me the real reason you are wearing a sweatsuit and not your uniform,” Klink responded.
“While you are at it, kindly inform me what brings you by tonight. I am sure it is not because you are lonely,” he deadpanned. In his mind, Hogan had some nerve. Burkhalter had literally left Stalag 13 just minutes before, and he hadn’t even had a chance to pour himself a drink yet! Even so, Klink began to perk up somewhat after seeing the younger man’s face light up at his greeting. My troublemaker is an oddball, he decided. To Klink’s surprise, he found that the thought was an affectionate one.
Crossing his arms and huffing, Hogan said, “Well, that’s a fine attitude! I come here intending to handle business and respond to the challenge you made to me, and this is the thanks I get? Rude!” he said indignantly. “I thought maybe I could cheer you up, since I just saw Burkhalter leave. He was here pretty late if he was present for evening roll call. Or maybe he just wanted to stay for dinner,” he added thoughtfully, a smile crossing his features. “I can clearly see that he enjoys food. But every time the general or our friendly neighborhood Gestapo visit you here at our wonderful country club, you always wind up moody for a few days.”
He glanced at Klink, his expression on his face unreadable. “I don’t like seeing you moody, sir. We’ve got a saying in the United States…when mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy. In this case it’s more like, ‘When the Kommandant’s not happy, nobody’s happy.’ I like it when you’re happy, Colonel Klink. It makes me smile to see you smile, and I enjoy smiling. So everything works out! Plus, a good mood makes things go so much easier for everyone here…just ask any of the guards,” he finished.
With a sigh, Klink attempted to follow the conversation the younger colonel was having with him. But he wasn’t having much success with it…as usual, Hogan seemed to be weaving an intricate verbal web. “This is not a country club, Hogan! And as you have already stated, General Burkhalter has just left. He had quite a bit to say about his lost wager, of which I have had to listen to him complain about for the last hour. So I am not –” He cut himself off, not quite sure he was following this conversation correctly.
“You came here…to handle business? And cheer me up?” Klink asked in disbelief. “What business? And what even makes you think I need cheering up?” For some reason, his mood perked up a little more at those words. My brat thought of me! It would be touching if he didn’t suspect that there was an underlying reason for it.
Though Klink admitted that he had much to learn about Americans and their strange sayings, he could see where that one might apply in this case. If he wasn’t happy, it tended to affect the entire camp…that much was true enough.
It just hadn’t occurred to Klink that anyone but him would notice that. He had gotten used to being ignored by everyone since World War Two had started. Initially he had been irritated about the situation, but lately it was a good thing indeed. Given the state of the war, it was far better presently to be ignored. Those who were thrust into the spotlight tended to end up dead, one way or the other.
And while he shouldn’t care if Hogan was happy or not – he was a prisoner of war, which he wasn’t supposed to be happy about – Klink found that he did care. The fact that his smiling and good mood could trigger the same things in his senior POW officer finished cheering him up. Hogan is going to be the death of me one day from both stress and constant surprises. But it will be a fine way to go, the older man reasoned.
Nodding, the American colonel replied, “Yup. I figured after Burkhalter left, you’d be pretty sore. And that I would be too, eventually,” he said openly, not caring if he came across as brazen tonight. He still wasn’t overly thrilled with this whole arrangement. But if he had to do this, then he would do his best to keep some control over it.
And taking the incentive seemed to be the way to do just that. Hogan was a natural born leader, which meant he tended to be a bit of a control freak. Having things taken out of his hands didn’t sit well with him, and he disliked following orders – or even being told what to do – immensely.
“I already knew he was gonna yell at somebody about his lost Reichsmarks, and you’re the only one he seems to yell at here. The thing is, the fact that he lost that bet was his own fault. I told him before the match started that Kinch had won the Golden Gloves trophy multiple times. How can he even be mad at you when he knew that ahead of time?” Hogan wondered aloud.
“It seems to me like the general was the real dummkopf here, Kommandant.” Hogan finished. His choice to use the German term instead of its English equivalent was done on purpose, since he’d heard it said often enough and just liked the sound of it.
“Besides that, I believe you challenged me to a wrestling match the last time I was here, sir. And I’m not gonna risk ripping my uniform when I wipe the floor with you. Not that it’ll be too hard,” Hogan said with amusement in his voice. “But anyway, that’s actually why I’m wearing the sweatsuit.” Just as forewarned didn’t always mean forearmed, experience didn’t always mean you were better at something either!
Klink knew better than to go there with Hogan. He really did, because his senior POW officer had the art of double talk down to an exact science. Even so, he just had to ask the question that was on his mind. Curiosity was getting the better of him, and the older colonel was something of the curious type himself at times.
Choosing to ignore the disrespectful way the American colonel spoke of his commanding officer – mostly because Klink agreed with him, as he’d heard Hogan tell the general just that – he focused on the main thing that concerned him.
“So let me see if I understand you correctly, Hogan. You knew Burkhalter would be upset over a lost bet, which also means you somehow knew Sergeant Kinchloe would win that match. You all but said so when you told him the information that you did. And after that…you came here and sought me out?” Klink asked incredulously, certain he had his facts mixed up somewhere.
“Are you trying to tell me that you willingly sought me out – without anyone fetching you on my orders – to receive your spanking tonight, instead of waiting until tomorrow?” the German officer demanded, absolutely sure now that the younger man had lost his marbles.
“I reckon you’ve got the idea now, Kommandant,” Hogan drawled as he imitated what he figured a cowboy from the Old West would sound like. “And like I already said, you challenged me to a wrestling match. I came here in response to that challenge as well…and I intend to win it too,” he added with a cocky smirk. At least Klink’s understanding what I’m telling him tonight. It gets annoying having to spell everything out in detail all the time, he thought as he rolled his eyes.
Well, that settled it. Hogan was certifiably insane. “It might have been easier, perhaps, to just make sure your sergeant did not win the boxing match against Bruno, hmmm?” inquired Klink somewhat sarcastically. “Despite how amusing you might find it, I do not enjoy being screamed at, you troublemaker.”
Hogan rolled his eyes again as he said, “Yeah? Well, despite what you seem to think, I can’t control what Kinch does or doesn’t do. I can make requests and I can issue orders, but that’s it. I can’t physically make him do anything, Colonel Klink.”
Huffing again, because he knew it amused the tall German for some reason, he added, “I resent the implication that I should’ve asked Kinch to throw the match, sir. I can’t help it if your so-called ‘master race superiority’ skipped Bruno,” he added, making air quotes with his fingers.
Klink blinked at that blunt assessment of the Luftwaffe guard, unable to decide for a moment if he was more amused or irritated by it. Finally, he settled on irritated. I know Hogan did not just say that! Oh, he is playing with fire tonight, Klink thought.
He had a good response to that too. For once, Hogan hadn’t rendered him completely speechless with his verbal tactics. Fortunately for the American colonel sitting beside him, he was spared the heated response. Klink had gotten distracted by the reminder of the challenge he’d issued, and so he’d forgotten what he’d been planning to say.
He’d only been joking at the time, but why not? A bit of fun would do him some good. And if nothing else, the physical exercise would help him unwind somewhat. Looking at the clock, Klink noted that it was still early as well. Normally he always met with Hogan at 22:00 hours (10:00pm), but it was only 19:00 hours (7:00pm) now. As he rose to his feet, Klink let a smile cross his face as he saw Hogan huffing.
The sight always reminded him of a sullen little boy by now, no matter when or where it happened. Klink didn’t think he’d ever get tired of seeing it, and it occurred to him at that point he’d probably never see Robert Hogan ever again after the war ended. He will most likely be the first one out of the gates, eager to return home. The melancholy thoughts caused a strange pang in his chest, which he dismissed. He could brood later on. As of right now he had other things to concentrate on!
Then he said, “Very well, Hogan. You are correct, of course. There is no reason to ruin a perfectly good uniform when I best you. And best you I shall! I will be right back after I change,” he added as he headed for his bedroom.
Klink knew he had a sweatsuit in there somewhere, because he’d worn it for the short time he’d decided to start working out again. Having Sergeant Carter estimate that he was a decade older than he actually was hadn’t helped his self-esteem any, that was for sure.
“Take your time,” Hogan called out, ignoring the boastful reply and removing his boots. Tonight he’d felt like wearing them instead of his shoes, figuring that his normal dress shoes just looked strange with a sweatsuit. And though he didn’t often get the opportunity, the younger man enjoyed running around in just his socks. It was so much fun to slide around on the floor!
Glancing around the room, he began to move the sofa and the table out of the way. The last thing either of them needed was to get hurt, after all. The younger man remembered all too well the disastrous results to his rear end from the last time Klink thought he’d gotten hurt. And I still can’t believe I literally fell asleep after all of that either, he mused as he began to work.

Preparations and a strange explanation…
Shortly after he’d left the living room, Klink reappeared wearing a navy blue sweatsuit. He too had left his socks on, even though he knew from experience that bare feet would grip the floor better. Socks made gaining traction more difficult, but they also made it easier to slide around and get behind your opponent. He’d been counting on Hogan to be barefoot, so he was surprised to see that his brat had left his socks too.
Apparently, we think a great deal alike, thought Klink with amusement. Hogan had even moved everything single handedly while he’d been gone, which was helpful. Klink had done plenty of stretching and limbering up in his room before he’d come out of it, unwilling to risk getting a muscle cramp of some sort.
It was also surprising to see, since the sofa wasn’t light by any means. It had taken two men to get it in his quarters, so how on earth had Hogan managed to move it alone? And so quickly at that? Klink knew his senior POW officer was strong, but to accomplish such a feat singlehandedly was shocking.
Yet it served as a type of warning as well, and that was to make sure that Hogan didn’t pin him! The German officer doubted he’d be able to successfully break free if he was pinned. Whether he liked to admit it or not, the American colonel had youth on his side, something he didn’t have.
“Well…I am impressed, Hogan,” Klink said, therefore verbally announcing his return to the room. He told the other officer how it had taken two people to move the sofa before, as well as speaking of his curiosity in how such a thing had been done so quickly solo. Hogan just gave him that lopsided grin of his in return, which made Klink’s stomach clench for reasons he refused to acknowledge.
“Thanks, Kommandant. It was a little heavy, but not too bad. The table was easy enough though, so I moved it first,” he replied, pointing to the coffee table that was now blocking off the kitchen. “I figured that was an okay place to put it for the time being. And as you can see, the sofa’s blocking off the guest bedroom temporarily. I hope that’s okay, sir. If not, I can put it somewhere else.”
With those words, Hogan rolled his shoulders and began to stretch his muscles. He alternated between leaning left to right, loosening the muscles in his sides before touching his toes. After he was done, he straightened and looked at his Kommandant. “Please tell me that you just took out your monocle and didn’t lose it. Those things can’t be cheap.”
Klink just stared at Hogan for a minute, marveling at the fact an oak table was ‘easy enough’ to move! Oak was a heavy wood, and it wasn’t light by any means. But he was distracted from giving a reply by watching the American stretch. Hogan certainly moves gracefully, Klink mused. It was an interesting thing to notice, because he’d never really noticed it before. He himself was light on his feet when he moved, both due to natural ability and the high society dancing lessons he’d had as a child.
After all, a gentleman in high society always had to be able to dance properly with a woman…not stomp on her feet! Pushing the strange observation out of his head, he replied, “Everything is fine where it is, little brat.” A teasing note was evident in Klink’s tone as he spoke, mostly because he enjoyed the verbal sparring they constantly did.
He also relished any opportunity to rile the American up. Hogan never missed an opportunity to do so with him, and after all, turnaround was fair play! “Yes, I left it on my nightstand. I did not wish for it to get broken.” Changing the subject, Klink inquired arrogantly, “So, how do you propose we determine when I have won?”
“How we’ll determine when I’ve won,” corrected Hogan in a playful tone, “is after I’ve pinned you continuously for ten full seconds. Mississippi seconds, of course,” he added.
“Mississippi seconds?” the tall German repeated, his confusion evident as he made a face and raised his eyebrows. “What is a Mississippi, exactly? And what does a Mississippi have to do with anything?”
Hogan let out a sigh. He’d forgotten that Klink had never been to the United States, so of course he was probably confused. “Not what, Colonel Klink, where. Mississippi is part of the United States.” Seeing the confused look intensify, he decided a demonstration was probably a better way to explain this. Klink might be fluent in English, but sometimes the language and culture barriers are a real pain in the ass.
“Oh, come on, Colonel Klink. Haven’t you ever heard any of us use Mississippi seconds before? I thought you had…usually your office window is open when the weather is nice. Anyway, it goes like this: one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.”
He shrugged and added, “You just say the word ‘Mississippi’ after every number. It keeps people from counting too fast. Otherwise you get the jerks who count like this: onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten. Those are the ones do it because they know they can’t win if they play fair.” He eyed the older man with a smirk. “Do I have to worry about that with you, sir?”
“I have better things to do in my office then listen to you and your mens’ foolishness, Hogan.” Even as he said that, Klink digested this new information. It sounded utterly silly, but then that was Hogan for you. The American officer came up with some of the most creative, off-the-wall things he’d ever heard! After knowing Robert Hogan for the last three years, he felt sure by the end of the war nothing would surprise him anymore.
“One Mississippi, two Mississippi…like that?” Klink asked hesitantly, testing out the odd American way of counting. Then he lifted his chin and said haughtily, “I shall have you know, Hogan, I have never cheated at anything in my life.” Which wasn’t technically an answer, but it would suffice for now.
“Uh-huh. Sure, Kommandant,” came the flippant reply as he watched Klink remove his sweatshirt. “And yeah, you’ve got it. But um…can I ask what you’re doing, sir?” It was slightly chilly in Klink’s quarters. And chilly temperatures usually meant people tended to add clothing, not remove it! But the real problem came after his sweatshirt was off and as Klink was folding it. He cocked his head and stared at the older man for a moment.
Surprisingly, the German colonel had a really good physique. His shoulders and chest were broad, which led to a narrowly tapered waist. The muscles in his arms weren’t overly defined, but they were still pretty evident. His chest had a slight smattering of dark gray hair as well, which matched what was left of the hair on his head. Overall, his body was lean yet still lanky. Hogan had seen it all before, but he hadn’t really noticed at that point since he’d been trying not to look. Klink had been in a bathtub at the time, using fake mineral spring water that Carter had engineered.
When Kinch had fixed their leaking tunnel, Hogan had needed to act fast to explain the bubbling pool of water. If the guards had started digging, their tunnels and mission would have been exposed. So in light of that, he’d spun his whopper about a multi-million dollar ‘mineral spring’ suddenly appearing in Stalag 13, which thankfully Klink had bought. Hogan wasn’t sure why he was even noticing the way Klink looked now, but he firmly stamped the thought down.
He knew homosexuality was a crime in Germany…hell, it was a crime in the United States! But while it only meant jail time and a discharge from the military in his country, it meant all of that and a lot more in Nazi Germany. He’d heard the rumors about what happened to those poor people, and he sure wasn’t going to find out if they were true firsthand!
He might not be a **poof – actually, he was bisexual instead, with a preference for women – but somehow he doubted that the Nazis differentiated between the two. Either way, if even a whisper of that became known, it would destroy his career…and Klink’s as well for being the ‘other party’ involved! He wasn’t going to do that to the tall German, he just wasn’t.
Hogan knew that he was a lot of things, but he wasn’t such a jerk that he’d willingly do such a thing to someone, even someone he was supposed to consider an enemy. And that was final! It also surprised him to realize that he didn’t consider Klink an enemy…and that he never had after his first month trapped in Stalag 13.
“Colonel Hogan, I would think you had been with enough frauen to know when someone is taking off their shirt,” Klink said with a half-smile. “After all, you stated before that you were a ladies’ man.” He could tell Hogan was checking out his upper body and concluded that the younger colonel was merely sizing up his competition. In order to perhaps psych his brat out, Klink causally flexed the muscles in his chest and arms, making his pecs move. “I find it is easier to move one’s arms when they have a free range of movement.”
“Oh, that makes sense. I guess you’re right.” Yes, you are a ladies’ man. And you’d better remember that, Rob, if you want to keep your job and your freedom! Following Klink’s example after agreeing that he was right, Hogan took off his sweatshirt. Knowing the older man’s peculiarness about folding his clothes, he didn’t just toss it aside. Instead, he carefully folded it and went to set it on the coffee table.
After seeing Hogan remove his sweatshirt, Klink took a moment to size his senior POW officer up. He could see why it had been easy for Hogan to move that sofa…he was quite muscular! Like Klink himself, Hogan had broad shoulders and a broad chest. Both led down to a narrowly tapered waist. But unlike him, Hogan’s arm muscles were well-defined. They weren’t massive, but you could tell that the American clearly worked out. Hogan’s chest had hardly any hair, but the hair that was there matched the dark black hair on his head.
Upon realizing he was doing more than just giving the younger man a casual glance, Klink quickly looked away, forcing those thoughts from his head. There was a time and a place for such ideas, and during a war under the current regime hardly seemed ideal. He knew full well how both homosexuals – and even bisexual men such as himself – were treated, and he had no desire to condemn himself to such a fate.
And besides, why would Hogan ever be interested in me even if he did like men? Klink thought gloomily. The very idea was ridiculous, because he’d seen Hogan flirt with any and every woman that showed up to his camp. Surely he can get anyone he desires…he is certainly handsome enough! Then he firmly stamped down any further thoughts of that nature, because he didn’t need the distraction right now. He had a wrestling match to win!
As Hogan went to set his sweatshirt down, an idea came to Klink’s head that made him grin. Moving lightly on his feet and staying quiet – a purpose for which the socks helped greatly – he silently followed behind his wayward troublemaker over to the blocked off kitchen. He waited until Hogan had set down his clothing and had turned around, making sure the American wouldn’t hit the coffee table or anything else. “Go!” was all he said before he took a few steps forward and leaped at his brat. Now he would demonstrate that he wasn’t all talk!

A few tricks up his sleeve…
“Ooof!” grunted Hogan as he hit the ground, Klink landing firmly on top of him. Their combined weight had made it a rougher landing than it would normally be. He’d barely had time to register the word ‘go’ before the tall German had leapt at him in a flying tackle, his long legs and lanky frame helping to propel him easily through the air. Whatever else he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that!
Klink had said earlier that he never cheated at anything, which the American colonel decided to call him out on. “Geez Kommandant, you said you don’t cheat at anything! What do you call leaping at me out of nowhere like that?” Hogan complained as he looked for an opening to get loose and back on his feet. “More importantly, why didn’t I hear you behind me?”
“Actually, I never said that I do not cheat at anything. I said that I have never cheated at anything in my life,” corrected the German officer. “But there is no time like the present to start if I wanted to,” he added. “Besides, the last time you were here, you leapt at me out of nowhere. This is simply payback, my brat.” The last sentence was said in a reasonable tone, as if the very idea of him cheating was absurd.
“And I can move very quietly when I wish to, you know. Years of dancing lessons.” He struggled to get his feet underneath him so he could sit atop Hogan and pin him down, but his stocking feet slid out from underneath him and Klink lost his hold on the wiggling American.
“Yeah, like a freaking cat!” The loss of Klink’s grip was all the opportunity Hogan needed to get free. He did a triple barrel roll to the side, which effectively put him out of Klink’s grasp. Springing to his feet, he said smugly, “Nice try, sir, but you should know me better than that.”
As he bounced lightly on the balls of his feet, he added in surprise, “I’m sorry, did you say dancing lessons? I thought you could dance…as I remember it, you told me you danced with some girl all night while Hochstetter just sat there.”
“I did,” replied Klink as he also got to his feet. “And I can dance…quite well, if I do say so myself. I took many, many lessons as a young boy. As I told you before, my family is of the Junker aristocracy. The family name is five hundred years old, and that bloodline is what even gave me the opportunity to attend officer school.” He began to make a wide circle, looking for his opening. “Danke, Hogan. I pride myself that ability, as it has come in very handy at times.”
“You’re welcome, and what does your family bloodline have to do with anything?” Hogan asked as he too made a wide circle, his stocking covered feet making no noise as he moved. “Can’t anybody go there if they want to? I don’t have any blue blood, but I was able to get into officer school.”
“Nein, and you are not a German citizen. The United States is obviously quite different in its rules, or perhaps they are just that lax with them. Only people from royal, noble or aristocratic families are allowed to attend officer school in Germany, since being in the military has always been a sign of prestige. I thought you knew that, Hogan,” Klink said evenly as he considered how best to tackle Hogan again.
“Well, we’ve never had a royal family in the United States, so how would I know that?” Hogan asked reasonably. “And anyway, that makes no sense. What’s so special about those types of people? I’d think the ‘commoners’ would be allowed the chance to go as well if they earned it. I mean, I get the whole prestige thing, but doesn’t actual ability have any merit around here?”
He quickly snapped his legs together and pushed off the floor, causing him to slide across it. “Wheeee! You gotta try that sir, it’s so much fun!” Hogan’s voice sounded giddy as he spoke, and a look of pure joy was on his face.
Shrugging, Klink replied, “I have no idea. I agree with you, but that has been the way of things for centuries.” He watched Hogan with an amused look on his face. His brat was acting like an overgrown child, and he was going to remind him of this event the next time Hogan complained about being treated like one! “I take it you are having fun, my little brat?”
“Ah, lighten up,” commented Hogan. “You’re stuffier than that uniform you wear. Or have you forgotten how to have fun? Oh, that’s right…I forgot. I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head in mock apology. “You’re too old to remember what fun is. Hey, was the invention of fire really that amazing, or was it just something that happened on accident?”
“Hogan! I am not so old as all that, thank you very much,” Klink said with raised eyebrows at the insolent comment. “I resent that remark, and I will show you otherwise if you would simply hold still!”
“Nah, you resemble it. And where would be the fun in that?” Hogan cupped both of his hands and raised them to chest level, making a beckoning motion with them. “***Bring it on, old man, bring it on!” he said in a teasing voice, trusting that his ability to bait the German every time still worked. Then he stuck his tongue out at Klink, thoroughly enjoying acting like a little kid for once. “Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! Catch me if you can, Kommandant.”
“I’ll show you old, you little brat!” growled Klink in a fake warning tone as he rushed at Hogan. The move he’d decided to use had been a favorite one of his when he and his brother Wolfgang had wrestled. And with a slight variation, it also seemed to be one the Americans liked to use in baseball. Hunching over to make himself more compact, he ran forward a few steps and let himself slide across the floor, his stocking feet perfect for that purpose. As expected, the American colonel bent forward slightly to grab him and brace for the impact as well…which was just what the tall German had been hoping he’d do.
Right before Hogan was able to grab him or before they would have bonked heads, Klink dropped down into a crouch, with one knee bent out at a right angle and one leg straight out ahead of him as he slid. That made him lower to the ground, which kept him steady and upright. Clearly not expecting such a thing, Hogan was now grasping for the empty air where he’d just been, and the movements threw him off balance.
Hogan toppled to the floor again, landing on his butt. Using the speed he sometimes displayed, Klink used his bent knee and outstretched foot to push himself upward and forward. He landed on top of Hogan again and pushed him onto his back, but this time his position was a much better one than before.
He was sitting on Hogan’s stomach, with his lower legs were bent backward behind and under him. Basically, it was like a kneeling position where one would rest their weight on their heels. The position of the German colonel’s knees also allowed him to keep Hogan firmly in one place, as he would have no room of any kind to roll.
Where he was sitting was ideal as well. If he had been sitting higher up, Hogan would have been able to use his lower half to buck Klink off. And if he’d been sitting further down, Hogan would have enough leverage to use his torso. His brat was stuck right where he was at, and Klink knew it.
Making sure his position was steady, he leaned forward and pinned Hogan’s wrists to the ground securely as he began to count out loud. “One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi –”
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” exclaimed the American officer in shock as he landed on the ground again. Where the hell had Klink learned that?! That was a new move, for sure. But it wouldn’t keep him down for long. He tried to buck Klink off of him, but he couldn’t use the appropriate muscles to do it in his current position. He tried again, only to achieve the same result. Well, that idea was out. Yet there were other ways to get loose, he was sure.
But Klink continued counting as if he hadn’t heard anything at all. “– four Mississippi, five Mississippi, six Mississippi –”
“You’re not going to be able to keep me pinned,” growled Hogan in frustration as he tried instead to get his wrists free. Unfortunately, it was proving to be harder than he’d originally thought. The older man had a decent amount of hidden strength in his slender hands!
And still the German colonel would not be deterred in his counting. He still knew how to have fun, but he rarely got the chance to do so anymore. He would show Hogan just what ‘old’ was! “– five Mississippi, six Mississippi, seven Mississippi –”
“You can’t be serious,” Hogan griped as he gave up trying to get his wrists free. Instead, he tried to roll to the side. As Klink’s legs were firmly anchored behind him and his position was steady, that didn’t work either. Well, damn.
“– eight Mississippi, nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi…eleven Mississippi!” finished Klink triumphantly after a pause. He gazed down with a happy grin at Hogan, who by now was scowling. “And I even held you down for an extra Mississippi,” he said with obvious pride. “How do you feel about that, Hogan?”
“I feel like you can let me up now,” muttered the younger officer in embarrassment. He’d never been a gracious loser, which was why he made it a point not to lose. And usually, he succeeded admirably at that goal. But today, he’d been bested…and by someone older than him! That last part was what really stuck in his craw. Talk about an unexpected loss, he thought.
“Of course,” Klink said agreeably. “Just as soon as you admit that I won the match. Otherwise, I can sit here all night. I am plenty comfortable, you know.” His eyes danced with both amusement and mischief at these words, and he felt very sure he could back them up. Let us see how my troublemaker likes someone saying he is comfortable enough to be sat on, Klink mused.
Growling under his breath, Hogan gave him a dirty look. “Why? Nobody likes a gloater, Colonel Klink.”
“And nobody likes a sore loser either, which is what you are being right now. So we are even on that score,” Klink retorted. “In any event, I would like you to acknowledge it verbally. I do not get the best of you often, you know. Usually you get the best of me instead, at which point you gloat as well. So, if you would not mind –”
“Yeah, yeah,” Hogan interrupted with a groan. “Fine, you win. You beat me fair and square. Can you let me up now?” he demanded sulkily.
“Yes. Thank you,” Klink said smugly, relishing his victory. He let go of Hogan’s wrists and leaned forward so that their torsos were even. Straightening his long legs out behind him, he rolled to the side and off of the American colonel. As he stood, he held out a slender hand to Hogan. “Would you like some assistance up?”
“Nope. I’ve got it, thanks,” Hogan said sullenly as he pushed himself to his feet. “Where did you learn that? I’ve never seen anything like it before, and it was pretty cool,” he admitted reluctantly.
Klink bit back a laugh as he answered the question. “I believe I told you before that I used to wrestle with my brother, correct?” At the affirming nod, he continued his explanation. “I developed it myself after seeing a baseball game once. I just…altered it a little.”
Holding up his hands, Hogan replied, “Hold on a minute. They play baseball in Germany and nobody told me about it?” He would have to inform his men about this new knowledge at the first opportunity.
“What good would it have done? I cannot exactly take any of you to a professional game, even if I wanted to and if there were any going on at the moment. *There is a war on, you know,” Klink reminded him in a reasonable tone. “But yes, we have it here. It is just not as popular here as it seems to be in the United States.”
“Obviously,” replied the American as he crossed his arms and glared. He was still offended that he’d lost their wrestling match. “What made you decide to alter that move?”
Klink waved a hand dismissively. “My brother was about seven centimeters (three inches) taller than me and outweighed me by twenty-three kilograms. (Fifty pounds) And he was solidly built as well, so I had to do something if I wanted any hope of ever winning. I have not used that move in over two decades, so I am glad I remembered it,” he finished with a shrug.
“By the way, Hogan…you look like a sullen little boy who was denied a piece of candy right now,” Klink added with a chuckle. “As you said to me earlier: lighten up.”
Ugh, he really hated it when Klink made sense! While he liked hearing the explanation he’d been given, he did not look like a little kid! “I do not!” he exclaimed with a scowl.
“You most certainly do,” Klink disagreed. “But I find it cute anyway. I have not seen such a look worn by one person so often since I watched my nephews, you know.” A melancholy expression appeared on his face as he thought of them, wondering if they were doing okay.
Hogan opened his mouth to reply, but closed it at the sudden sad expression Klink had gotten. “Aw, cheer up, sir. You’ll be able to see them after the war,” he offered, his earlier sullenness gone.
“Perhaps,” Klink said with a sigh as he looked at the sofa. “I suppose we should move the furniture back to its original position now.” He began walking toward the sofa. “I will help you this time. I would have helped you before, but you did it alone before I could do so.”
“That’d be great, Kommandant. You pull and I’ll push,” said Hogan as he too headed in that direction. “Don’t worry, we’ve got this handled.”

Reasons are given…
After the two colonels had moved everything back to where it should be, they both took a seat on the sofa. Since both of them were still hot from wrestling, neither one had put their sweatshirt back on. As always, Klink had his riding crop nearby him on the coffee table. He hadn’t planning on using it for tonight’s discipline when he’d put it there earlier, just his hand. Still, he’d discovered it was better to be prepared.
“So, what business do we have to discuss? I do not recall anything naughty you have done lately, Hogan,” Klink said, effectively breaking the silence. He was still feeling good from besting his troublemaker, so the whole boxing match disaster had been temporarily put out of his mind.
Grimacing outwardly – but feeling oddly elated for some reason inwardly – Hogan replied, “You mean you’ve forgotten the boxing match already? Wow. And here I was, figuring I’d be summoned to the Kommandtur right after roll call tomorrow.” He leaned forward and picked up the riding crop and toyed with it, the leather of the tool feeling strange in his hand.
Well, now he remembered! The memory of why he’d been angry before the arrival of his brat returned in full force, which made him frown. He saw the American playing with his riding crop and snapped, “Hogan, put that down unless you wish me to spank your bare bottom with it!”
Shrugging, Hogan replied casually, “If that’s what you want to do, sir. Either way, it doesn’t bother me.” He swished it through the air quickly a few times, grinning at the resulting whistling sound it made. I see why Klink carries this thing around now, he thought with a grin. He could probably just ask the older man outright to give him the emotional release he craved, but baiting him was far more fun.
“It does not bother you,” Klink repeated slowly, as if he was still learning English. “Really? Are you are sure about that?” His troublemaker was testing his patience, which didn’t bode well for his sitting ability later on.
“That’s what I said, sir. Are you hard of hearing now? Man, first a monocle and now you need a hearing aid too? You’re gonna be a sight to see during the liberation,” Hogan said cheerfully as he stood up and tossed the riding crop to Klink, who caught it.
“And just where do you think you are going? I did not dismiss you, Hogan,” said Klink in a dangerous tone. He ignored the jabs at his age in favor of attempting to figure out what was going on here.
“You don’t have to, sir, because I’m not going anywhere.” Deciding that baiting his self-appointed disciplinarian didn’t seem to be working too well, he opted to use his backup plan. Hogan removed his sweatpants and folded them before placing them next to his sweatshirt. Then he lowered his briefs to bare his butt, as he’d done the last time. He didn’t like doing it any more now than he had when he’d cooperated before, but he’d managed it then and he would manage it again.
Klink was glad that he wasn’t wearing his monocle at the moment, because it would have fallen out in surprise. Then the German officer asked him in a bewildered voice, “Just what sort of game are you playing at, Hogan?” The last time Hogan had cooperated with him, he’d been thrown for a loop as well. And sadly, the same was true in this case.
“No game at all, sir,” answered the American with a cheeky smile. “I told you before I liked the endorphin rush that my emotional release gives me each time. It took a long while for me to realize it, but I did,” he replied. “And I already know you’ll just harass me tomorrow about all of this anyway, which is partly why I’m here tonight. The other part is that I wanted to wrestle before we did this, so I’d have the optimal use of my body.”
The smile faded away as he sighed and added, “Besides, I’m taking the initiative here. You know, showing self-discipline and all that. Isn’t that what you’ve been preaching to me about all this time?” Hogan inquired, his frustration at the lack of cooperation evident.
“Well, yes. But –” Klink cut himself off, not quite knowing how to finish that statement. How did one respond when their wayward charge decided to announce that they needed their punishment and all but openly requested it? He was pretty sure nobody in the history of mankind had ever run into this problem before! “What are you saying then, Hogan?” he finally asked wearily.
“Very simple, sir.” Hogan took a deep breath and almost closed his eyes before remembering that Klink had insisted on eye contact before. Saying the hated words wasn’t any easier this time, but he could do this! “Colonel Klink, I have been a very naughty boy. Would you please spank my bare bottom for my disobedience?” He waited impatiently for the answer, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he did so.
Raising his eyebrows at the question, Klink sighed and answered. “Yes. *Request granted, Hogan.” Was his brat really doing this? Either he was telling the truth about how he felt, or he’d finally snapped. It became obvious that the former one was true though, as Hogan had barely waited for the word ‘yes’ before throwing himself over Klink’s lap.
“Hogan, I hope you are aware I was only going to use my hand tonight,” the German colonel said firmly, the riding crop still in his hand. “Sometimes, I wish I understood you better. I really do.”
“Oh, I know that,” Hogan said cheerfully, a grin crossing his features. “But it’s not as effective, you know. Aren’t you Germans all about effectiveness?”
“Grrrr,” growled the older man. “You continue to test my patience, Hogan. I warn you, I can only be pushed so far,” Klink warned him, trying to give his unruly troublemaker a second chance to back off. “I assure you, it would not be a good idea for you to keep this up.”
“I wasn’t planning on continuing to test your patience, Colonel Klink. I was planning on exhausting it completely!” Hogan wiggled his lower body in place, essentially making it look as if he was shaking his butt. “Come on, let’s see if you can still push me past my limits or if you’ve lost your touch. Unless you’re scared,” he taunted. “Aw, what a shame. The mighty Kommandant of Stalag 13 can’t even keep one lone prisoner under control.”
He paused, seeing the angry look cross Klink’s face. If I just push it a little more, I’ll have it, he thought. “Maybe I shouldn’t stay here, then. I’m sure there’s other stalags that can manage something like that just fine! And what would that do to your perfect record, huh?” Hogan knew it was low to attack Klink’s perfect record, but he was feeling reckless and felt like living on the edge tonight.

The return of an old enemy…
Klink was barely hanging onto his temper, but he was doing it. But the combination of threatening to escape and wiggling his behind in a taunting motion was the final straw. He raised the riding crop and brought it down three times on the bare bottom presented to him. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
He would teach his brat that messing with him wasn’t a good idea, so help him God. He really would! He brought the crop down several more times, noticing a lack of reaction from Hogan. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! “For the love of all that is holy, do not tell me you fell asleep over my lap again!” Klink exclaimed in exasperation.
Having successfully goaded Klink into spanking him, Hogan held in any sounds of pain he might have made. He wanted to see how long he could avoid giving away any indication that Klink was getting to him, and so far it wasn’t that hard. “I’m here, sir. Just wondering when you planned on starting my punishment,” he replied in a sassy tone as he examined his fingernails. I really need to cut them soon, he decided.
“Mmmmpf! I am glad you are amused, Hogan!” Klink snapped as he brought the crop down a few more times. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! “I do hope you are enjoying yourself as I warm your naughty bottom up for you,” he added sarcastically.
Was the American truly not feeling any pain or was he just that stubborn? He is examining his fingernails as if he is merely bored. What do you think, Wilhelm? replied his common sense. The logic made sense to him, so Klink swatted Hogan several more times with his riding crop. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“Oh, well thanks for your concern.” Hogan had to stop himself from letting out a hiss of pain. “If you’re concerned about me though, would you mind telling the guy running this place that I’m always cold? I could use a little heat to warm myself up, you know.”
His words were those of a smart aleck, and considering that he wasn’t going to be able to deny that this hurt much longer, he relished his snarkiness while he could. “You can’t miss him. Tall, bald, wears a monocle and always carries a riding crop for some reason. You sure you haven’t seen him around?” Hogan taunted.
“As always, your American sense of humor does not impress me, Colonel Hogan.” Klink bit off the words as he increased both the speed of swats and the force of them. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! To his satisfaction, Hogan finally let out an indication that he was feeling some pain as he uttered a low hiss.
“Owwww, owww! Well, you’re doing a decent enough job providing heat, sir,” Hogan ground out between gritted teeth. His rear end was really beginning to sting from the increased force Klink was using to spank him. “OWW!”
“Ah, there you are, Hogan. So nice of you to finally make an appearance for your own spanking,” Klink deadpanned as he tried something new. Abruptly, he smacked his brat’s sit spots several times, alternating between the left and the right one as he swatted them. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! That wasn’t something he normally did until the very end of a spanking, but tonight Hogan was being extra bratty!
The reaction he immediately got was encouraging, so he smacked them a few more times in the same manner. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Klink also didn’t want to be predictable in any way, so he returned his attention to the bare buttcheeks that also needed a good thrashing. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
Not expecting his sit spots to be swatted this soon in his spanking, Hogan jerked and let out a cry of pain. “OWW! OWW, OWW, OWWWW!” The good news was that it meant he’d reach his desired breaking point that much sooner if Klink was changing tactics on him. The bad news was that either way, it still hurt! And while Hogan didn’t consider himself a masochist as a rule, lately he’d started to wonder about that.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! “OWWWWWWW!” His tail was fully burning now as the leather from the crop swatted his bare butt repeatedly. Forgetting that it wasn’t a good idea to do, Hogan instinctively kicked his feet. They were pinned almost immediately, and now the skin was pulled taut.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! “OWWWWWIE, OWWWWIE, OWWWWIE!” The familiar lava was headed his way in a big hurry, and Hogan wondered how long it would take to arrive this time.
“I have warned you repeatedly, Hogan. You insist on not listening to me, and your bottom pays the price each time,” Klink stated, his voice full of disappointment as he continued to spank his naughty brat. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Since he’d already given a lot of swats to Hogan’s buttcheeks, he directed his ire toward the younger colonel’s sit spots again.
“You. Will. Behave!” he snapped, punctuating each word with a fierce swat of the crop. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! “I warned you, Hogan! I. Warned. You!” SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“OWWWW! OWWW, OWW, OWWWWWWIE!” Hogan wailed, sounding very much like a well-spanked little boy. Damn Klink and his ability to be so through, Hogan thought right before the dam burst. “Okay, okay! I’m sorry, I’m sorrrrrrry!” he added as he began sobbing. “OWWWWWIE!”
Might we remind you, Rob, that you instigated everything here tonight. So don’t complain about it, his voice of reason and his common sense said together. Just be glad you got what you wanted. But Hogan ignored them in favor of enjoying the emotional release he’d so desperately wanted. His shoulders shook as well, which made his whole body ripple and his butt jiggle. And that only makes the swats hurt worse, he concluded as he let the tears flow down his face.

Some aftercare…
Klink should have felt great satisfaction. Hogan had pushed him until he’d had given in and worn his troublemaker’s insolent bottom out. But the only thing he felt was puzzled as he rubbed small circles on Hogan’s back. He didn’t understand why the younger colonel was doing this, but he’d figure that out later. For now, he had to pick up the pieces that were scattered and put a very remorseful brat back together again.
“Relax, Robert. You are just fine. Your bottom is barely red, and you have handled spankings that were much more severe before,” he added. “I cannot say that I fully understand this new fascination you have with surrendering to your emotions. But I suppose as long as you enjoy it, that is all that matters.”
The German officer continued to rub soothing circles until he felt the American one was able to speak. “Do you feel better now?” he asked curiously, wondering if this whole thing had just been a clever ruse.
“Very much so. Thanks for that, sir. You’re fine-tuning your technique, I see,” his troublemaker replied after a few minutes of silence and hiccupping.
“What do you mean, Robert?” inquired Klink with a small smile. “You have been spanked with the riding crop before on your bare bottom. None of that is new to you.”
“Unfortunately,” muttered Hogan crossly before he added, “Don’t act like you don’t know what you did differently. I don’t wanna have to spell it out for you, sir.”
He squirmed uncomfortably at the thought of doing so, which made his butt hurt even worse. Much to the American’s dismay, Klink appeared to notice his discomfort with that idea. Sometimes the older man was too observant for his own good!
“Hmmm,” the tall German said thoughtfully, a smirk appearing on his face. “I believe I shall have you spell it out for me, Robert. I would not wish for us to have any miscommunication between us, after all.” His voice was a teasing one, a tone he knew always elicited an annoyed huff after he’d given Hogan a spanking.
True to form, Hogan huffed and rolled his eyes. The familiar feeling of shame returned as he covered his face, but he still said his next words clearly. “You began punishing me on my buttcheeks, switched to my sit spots and back to my buttcheeks again before you finally finished with my sit spots. Are you happy now?” he complained as he felt his face heat up from blushing.
“Very much so. I appreciate the feedback,” replied Klink with a grin. So his new method had been effective! He’d have to remember that for future reference.
“You’re not welcome,” snapped Hogan as he crossed his arms instead and pouted.
“Unfortunately for you, you will not like what I have to say next, I am afraid.” Klink added in an odd tone of voice.
Not liking the sudden shift in tone, Hogan asked, “Why?” in a wary tone of voice. Sudden changes of tone and mood never boded well for him, and he was sure this time wouldn’t be any different. To his horror, he was soon proven right.
Klink asked, “Do you recall what I said to you that night after you foolishly managed to throw yourself off of my lap? While I was spanking you with the hairbrush, I might add? And again the night you all but begged me to spank you with the belt, even after I had already done so with the ruler? Think hard,” he advised. “There is only one thing I have said to you one both occasions.”
Hogan thought hard about it for a few minutes, but he couldn’t recall anything that’d been said on both occasions to him. Finally, he shook his head, which caused his black hair to fall into his eyes. “I’m sorry, Kommandant, but I can’t remember anything that fits that description. To be fair, you yelled at me quite a bit both times, so…” He shrugged as he trailed off, pushing the hair out of his eyes as he did so.
The German colonel pursed his lips as he decided what the best way to phrase this was. “I see. Well, let me inform you of what I said to you, shall I? I do believe that I told you – on both occasions – that I would spank you every night until the war ends if I felt you needed it. And I do feel that you need it, Robert.”
Well, you’d be wrong about that, Hogan thought silently, knowing it would do no good to protest. Klink was just as stubborn as he was on some things, and this situation was one of them! He started to ask the older man was being serious right now or just messing around, until he remembered what he’d been told about that before.
“Okay, so…what? I just show up here tomorrow night at the usual time?” the senior POW officer asked, trying to sound as nonchalant about it as he could. “Can I be dismissed now then?”
“Yes and no,” came the puzzling reply from the German colonel. Before Hogan could even think about deciphering that riddle, it was answered for him. “Yes, in the sense that you will show up here every night at 2200 hours. But no, in the sense that you are not dismissed yet.”
Klink drummed his fingers against the skin of Hogan’s rear end as he spoke. “I also told you before that if I decided to do this, it would be effective the day I made that decision.”
The younger man’s heart sank as he realized the huge mess he’d managed to get himself into. “But sir, that means it won’t begin until tomorrow, right?” He wasn’t holding out too much hope on that score, but he had to try. “You’ve already punished me tonight.”
Klink shook his head. “I am afraid that I stand by what I said before. It starts tonight, Robert.”
Hogan’s stomach felt like lead as he protested this idea, despite knowing ahead of time that it wouldn’t help. “Sir, please. My butt hurts so much already, please don’t! Not tonight, sir, please!” He shook his head desperately, causing his hair to fall into his eyes. “I can’t handle any more punishment tonight.”
The tall German shrugged casually. “Perhaps you should have thought about that earlier before you shot off at the mouth, brat. I was only going to use my hand tonight to spank you because I knew what I was going to do afterwards, but you seem to specialize in antagonizing me.”
Klink eyed his troublemaker’s bare behind, satisfied that he was correct in his thinking. “And anyhow, you are perfectly fine. The skin is hardly red. I am quite sure you can handle it, Robert.”
“Wait! Just tell me one thing,” Hogan pleaded as he pushed his hair away again. “Are you planning on triggering an emotional release for me each night? Or they more of a… a reminder?” Not that it really mattered at the moment, but knowing what to expect might be helpful to him somehow.
After thinking it over, Klink finally said, “That depends upon you, Robert. It can go either way. It will also depend on if you or your men have caused any other trouble that day. If that is the case, on those nights you will be one very sore little boy. So consider yourself forewarned.”
Then the Kommandant lifted his hand in preparation to begin his brat’s punishment anew. “And now, I shall finish wearing out that insolent bottom of yours.”

Making good on a previous threat…
With that ominous statement made, Klink brought down his hand. His hand struck one of Hogan’s sit spots first, and the howl of anguish his troublemaker let out was immediately forthcoming. SMACK!
“OWW!” cried out Hogan in both pain and surprise. He’d already experienced the emotional release he’d wanted so much tonight, and he wasn’t up for round two. The last time he’d gone two rounds in one night, he’d been sore for days. Not to mention he’d been emotionally wrung out like a sponge that night.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Klink’s hand struck those same sit spots six more times, each time eliciting another painful cry from his unruly brat. He had been hoping he wouldn’t have to make good on his previous threat, but he’d also promised Hogan before that he would never lie to him about this or joke about it. Which left him no other choice but to follow through with it.
“OW, OWWW, OWWW!” Hogan shrieked. He considered biting his lip to keep from crying out, but he didn’t feel like drawing blood. And maybe if Klink heard that he was truly in agony, he’d call it off for tonight. Yeah, keep dreaming Rob, said his snarky inner voice sarcastically. You know better than that.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Again and again, Klink’s slender hand swatted the sit spots. He knew very well they were the most sensitive part of his brat’s behind, so he was taking full advantage of that fact. He’d even tried giving Hogan a second warning before he’d started everything tonight, hoping that the American would get the hint.
But that had failed as well, and now Klink’s hand switched back to Hogan’s buttcheeks. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“OWWW, OWWWWIE! Sir, please stop!” he begged as he instinctively tried to kick his feet. His butt might not have been that red before Klink started spanking him again, but it had to be getting darker by the minute! As he attempted to move them, he remembered that they were still pinned from before. “OWW, OWWWWW, OWW!” he complained as the swats switched back to his buttcheeks.
Hogan supposed he ought to be grateful that at least the focus wasn’t on his sit spots anymore, but he was more worried about putting out the fire in his rear end. It had been fully lit again after fading somewhat. And that meant the lava that had slightly receded before was making its way towards him again. All in all, that was knowledge he really wished he didn’t have. “OWWWWIE! Sir, please! Please, I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I won’t test your patience anymore, I promise!” he pleaded. “Just stop punishing me!”
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! “You have promised me that many times before, young man…and each time you fail to keep your promise!” Klink said sharply. He decided that after tonight, he would not make his brat cry with these reminders. He didn’t want to cause Hogan any type of permanent injury, after all.
Instead, they would only serve to give him something to think about before he went to sleep each night. And they will keep at least part of him quite warm as well, Klink concluded with a smirk. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“OWW, OWWWW! I know, I know!” replied the American officer desperately as his tail continued to be thrashed. “But I’m serious this time! OWW! Please, I’m begging you, sir…and I don’t ever beg for anything! OWWWIE! Please stop it! OWWW! I’ve learned my lesson, and I’m really sorry! OWWWIE!” Klink’s slender hands and long fingers always caused every swat he gave to hurt quite a lot, and tonight was no exception to that.
Klink paused the spanking as he considered the other colonel’s words. He conceded Hogan had a point, and his bottom was a decent shade of red by now anyway. He would give in, but he had to make it look good. It would not do to appear weak-willed, after all.
“That is true. Are you sure that you can keep your promise to me this time, Robert? Are you truly sorry for being disobedient?” the older man asked as he drummed his slender fingers on one buttcheek. “Or are you discovering that being a little brat is not the best idea around me, and only sorry that I am spanking your naughty bottom like a little boy?”
Feeling a blush appear on his cheeks at the embarrassing terms, Hogan didn’t know whether to shake his head no or nod as a way to answer the questions. He decided that doing neither was probably the best option as he answered them. “Yes, yes! I promise, Colonel Klink, I promise. I’ll be good, sir, I swear!”
Hogan closed his eyes and hung his head as he answered the second question, his stomach doing flips at the utter feeling of shame. “Yes…I mean no! Yes, I’ve discovered that was never a good idea in the first place, and no, I’m not only sorry that you’re sp…punishing me.”
He also decided that he’d probably never feel all the way comfortable with the childish word as he continued. “But I’m sorry in general that you’re punishing me.” he explained awkwardly, hoping he was making himself clear enough.
“Hmmm,” replied Klink thoughtfully, understanding very well what the American officer was trying to tell him. “I suppose I can trust you just this one time. That is, if you will give me your word of honor on that, Robert.”
He was hopeful about the effectiveness of his methods when he heard the clear desperation in his brat’s voice. The shameful way he hung his head only helped increase the hopeful feeling. Perhaps we are finally getting somewhere with this, the German officer thought. And Robert has never broken his word of honor once he has given it to me. The question is, will he do it?
Now it was Hogan’s turn to think things over. His word was his bond…once he gave it, he made it a point not to break it. That was precisely why he didn’t give his word of honor that often, preferring to reserve it for only the most solemn oaths. He felt certain that he could keep out of trouble by himself, but he had a much bigger issue than that. He was also responsible for every prisoner here, which presented a dilemma. How could he guarantee that none of them would do anything wrong? He couldn’t, and that was his conundrum.
Meanwhile, Klink had taken Hogan’s silence for a refusal to give his word. “I see. Well, you must not be very serious about what you say. I shall continue then,” he said. He would only give Hogan a few more swats anyway, but appearances were everything in this case. The disappointment was heavy in his tone of voice as he began swatting Hogan’s sit spots again. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“OWWW, OWWWIE, OWWWW!” Hogan squealed as he jerked his head up and opened his eyes. The pitiful sounds that fell from his lips humiliated him as the most sensitive parts of his rear end were swatted repeatedly. “Wait, please! You didn’t give me enough time to think!” he exclaimed, even as the disappointment he heard in Klink’s voice made him choked up and affected his speech.
Yeah, his butt hurt a lot. There was no denying that. But that wasn’t what finally made the tears start to fall again. No, it was the very idea that Klink didn’t trust him to keep his word that did it this time.
The combination of those things triggered the same feeling he’d felt the one and only time he’d done something extremely stupid in his youth. He couldn’t remember what it was, because he’d all but fully suppressed the memory of the event. But Hogan couldn’t suppress what had happened to him afterwards.
His dad hadn’t even yelled at him for whatever it was he’d done, although Hogan remembered just enough to know that it’d been something really bad. All his dad had done was look at him like he was sorry he’d ever had a son and said quietly, “Robbie, I’m so disappointed in you.”
After that, his dad had left his room, opting to ignore him for the next three days as a preferred punishment. The end result of the whole mess had caused Hogan to feel lower than dirt, so he’d made sure he never did anything to feel like that again. Instead, he’d joined the military and worked his ass off to rise through the ranks. As a result, he’d been made a full colonel in the Army Air Force before forty, a rare feat that only a few people had managed.
He’d just wanted his old man to be proud of him. And damnmit, he wanted Klink to be proud of him too! For what, Hogan quite hadn’t decided yet…but he would figure it out. He just had to get that far first, and that meant clearing up the present miscommunication they were having. “Sir, please! I …I wasn’t finished.” He hiccupped and blinked away his tears as he thought about what he needed to say.
Klink’s hand stopped mid-swing as he heard the change in the younger officer’s tone of voice. He was crying, but it wasn’t the way he normally did after reaching his breaking point. His voice sounded choked up, and…was that despair he heard in Hogan’s voice? He was used to hearing sorrow and remorse, but not despair. He settled his hand gently on one of Hogan’s buttcheeks again, feeling the slight flinch as he did so.
“Well, tell me what you need to say,” Klink said gently. “Was ist in deinem Kopf los, Robert?” he added, using the German phrase on purpose to help make his troublemaker feel better. He recalled that Hogan had said previously that he enjoyed hearing Klink speak German, so hopefully it would help in this case.
And it seemed to work! The American colonel’s body relaxed, and he was able to talk after a few minutes without seeming overly distressed. “I didn’t want to just give you my word of honor before, Kommandant, because I remembered what you said to me when this all started. I can promise that I won’t do anything, but not them,” Hogan began, wanting to clarify his earlier musings.
“And I just wasn’t sure if I gave you my word – and they did something to anger you, not me in particular – if you’d consider that me breaking my word. I can’t guarantee what any of my men will or won’t do, because I can’t force them to do anything. All I can do is give you my word as an officer and a gentleman that I personally will listen to you and stay out of trouble. That’s the best I can do,” Hogan offered, sounding very unsure of himself as he spoke.
Hogan sounded completely unlike the cocky officer he normally was any other day, and it gave Klink food for thought. He agreed that his senior POW officer had a valid point, and perhaps it had been unfair of him to hold Hogan personally responsible for hundreds of other prisoners. But he was so sick and tired of all the strange goings on in his camp. So he’d hoped that by keeping their leader in line, maybe everything would finally settle down.
“Very well,” the tall German said with a sigh. “I can accept that. But tell me why you are crying, Robert. I know what you sound like when you have surpassed your limits, and you do not sound like that right now,” he pointed out.
Happy that at least the older man was hearing him out, Hogan hung his head again. He didn’t like to talk about his feelings much, preferring to play them close to his chest. And how was he supposed to explain what he’d been feeling earlier?
Letting out a resigned sigh, he resolved to just spit it out. Then the senior POW officer closed his eyes and gave Klink a quick recap of what he’d been thinking before, ending with, “So now you know. I don’t like being ignored, and the disappointment I heard in your voice was really obvious.”
He sighed again and added, “I don’t give a shit if I disappoint most people, but I do when it’s somebody I care –” Realizing what he’d just given away, Hogan snapped his mouth shut and covered it with his hands. This wasn’t the first time he’d done that either, but the habit was getting annoying!
Hogan turned his head to look up at his self-appointed disciplinarian, wiping the remaining tears his eyes away as he did so. So, is Klink gonna make fun of me for this now? he wondered. Or will he leave it alone?

More aftercare…
“Language, Robert,” Klink replied, the response an automatic one by now. Concerned blue eyes met confused brown ones as the older colonel tapped him on the shoulder. “Up you get, Robert, and please hand me my sweatshirt. Then fix your clothing and put yours on as well. It is cold and you do not need to become sick,” he said simply.
“And we need to have a conversation,” he added. The American officer had been through enough for one night, and they needed to talk. As Hogan handed him the requested item – handed it to him, not tossed it, he noticed – Klink pulled it on and felt instantly warmer.
He waited until Hogan was fully dressed and sitting next to him before he opened his mouth to speak. Yet he noticed another problem they had right off the bat. His brat was sitting as far away from him as he could possibly get instead of his normal spot nearby. Klink succeeded in not rolling his eyes, but it was a struggle. He scooted closer until their thighs were touching and looked at the younger man, who promptly looked away.
Letting out an annoyed huff as Hogan sometimes did, Klink wrapped an arm around his brat’s shoulders in a half hug, effectively pinning his senior POW officer next to him and making sure that he couldn’t just leave. “Mein Gott, Robert. You act as if I have rabies or some such thing,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood. “Why did you sit so far away from me this time?” he inquired, needing to know if there was something else he needed to be concerned about tonight.
“You already know why,” replied Hogan in a sullen voice as he refused to look at Klink.
“If I actually knew the answer to that, I would not be asking you the question,” Klink deadpanned. “And I would appreciate it if you did not sound so sulky.”
“I do not sound sulky!” Hogan protested in a tone of voice that was exactly that. “When did I supposedly start sounding sulky?” he asked as he finally met Klink’s eyes. His curiosity was getting the better of him, despite how he felt right now.
“I should think the better question would be when did you stop?” quipped the older man, his tone still a teasing one. “You have been alternating between moody, afraid, remorseful and sulky since all of this began.”
“Very funny,” grumbled the American colonel, not bothering to deny any of it.
“I thought so,” came the reply. “Now, tell me why you are acting as if someone – what is the English saying – ran over your plot?” Klink said, hoping he’d gotten the phrase right. English saying were strange ones, and sometimes he mixed the words up.
“You mean ‘walked over my grave’?” asked Hogan, one corner of his mouth tilting up at the misspoken words.
“Yes,” confirmed Klink. Well, I was close!
“I’m not. That saying means to look somber, and you claim I was acting like I was afraid of you,” Hogan pointed out.
“Ah, I understand,” Klink replied, trying to sound as if he knew that already. “Alright, then why are you – wait a moment, I know it in English – receiving the warm shoulder from me?” Now that one he was pretty confident he’d gotten right. His English skills were excellent, after all.
“It’s actually ‘giving you the cold shoulder, Kommandant, and I’m not. That means to ignore you, which isn’t the case here either,” said Hogan with a grin as a laugh slipped out. It was so cute how Klink mixed up English words and phrases sometimes! And he always did it in the most interesting ways.
Or maybe they are not, Klink mentally amended. “Oh, I give up,” complained Klink as he threw his free hand up, the one not attached to the arm around his insolent brat. “Apparently, my English knowledge is not as good as it should be tonight. Just tell me why you are sitting all the way over here instead of beside me as you usually do.”
“I’d like to point out I’m still sitting next to you, sir. You moved over here, remember?” Hogan asked in a playful voice, his good mood restored. He always enjoyed their verbal banter anyway, but it seemed even more special when it was just the two of them in here.

Teasing, frustration and discoveries…
“Robert,” growled Klink in frustration. “Just answer the question.”
“Alright, alright,” Hogan sighed as he shook his head. “You ruin all my fun.” His smile faded as he became serious. “If you’ve really got to know, I wasn’t sure how’d you take what I told you just before you told me to get up. It’s unbecoming behavior for an officer act that way around another one, you know. Or in general, really. Especially when that other officer is supposed to be the enemy,” he finished as he sighed moodily.
He just knew Klink was going to laugh at him or say something insulting. Hell, he would probably do it if the shoe were on the other foot. It just depended on who the person was. Which meant that he couldn’t get upset about it either, only sit there and accept it. Knowing that, Hogan mentally braced for whatever was coming.
Klink leaned back and stared at Hogan, digesting what he’d just heard. He supposed he really ought to nip this in the bud now, before any other misunderstandings occurred tonight. It had already happened once, after all. “I do not consider you the enemy, Robert.” he said firmly as he reached out and wiped away the tear tracks Hogan still sported with a tissue.
What? That wasn’t what he’d been expecting to hear! It was the furthest thing from an insult possible, and Hogan hadn’t been prepared for it. “Huh?” he asked dumbly, a stupid expression showing itself as he let his face be cleaned like a little kid would. It wasn’t the most intelligent sentence, but it conveyed his confusion. “Are you sure you know what you just said, sir?”
“Oh, I am very sure, Robert,” Klink answered, his gaze locked on the American’s. “I would not let you spend the night in my quarters if I did not trust you. More than once, I might add. After all, a true enemy could very well murder me in my sleep, yes?” he added wryly. “Officially, of course, you will remain that way. That is both for your protection and mine. But I think we both know the truth of the matter,” he finished.
Hogan felt his eyes widen as he locked eyes with Klink again. “Of course,” he agreed weakly, hoping against hope he wasn’t hallucinating this conversation for some reason. He didn’t see why he would be, but stranger things had happened to him. The very fact that he was here at all told him that much. “Glad to hear it, sir.”
Klink groaned and massaged his left temple with his free hand. “Robert, do not give me that look. You know I cannot stand that look,” he said.
Hogan’s confusion only grew at that peculiar statement. “What look? I’m not giving you any particular look.” If he was doing something unusual with his expression, it was subconsciously.
“You know what look. Those puppy dog eyes you always give me when you want something,” growled Klink, keeping his arm wrapped tightly around his troublemaker. “You know very well I cannot resist you when you do that,” he admitted, realizing after he’d said it that he’d only given Hogan another weapon in his arsenal.
His brow furrowed as Hogan took a moment to process that statement. He hadn’t known he had a ‘puppy dog eyes’ expression, never mind the fact that Klink couldn’t resist him when he used it! “Actually, I didn’t know I was doing anything out of the ordinary at the moment, Kommandant. But it’s good to know you feel that way,” he said cheerfully, only partially trying to be annoying. “Would you mind if I looked in a mirror so I can remember what that expression looks like for later on?”
“Mmmmpf! Yes, I would very much mind. And no, you will not be looking in any mirrors here tonight.” replied Klink. “Cheeky brat,” he added, but the tone of his voice belayed his amusement.
“Awww,” pouted Hogan as he stuck his lower lip out in a full pout. “You never let me have any fun.”
“Do not do that either,” warned Klink as he waggled a long finger near Hogan’s face. “I find it cute, and I am attempting to be serious with you right now! So stop distracting me.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do?” asked his troublemaker indignantly. “You won’t let me use my ‘puppy dog eyes' look – which I didn’t even know I had, by the way – and you won’t let me express myself via pouting. How else am I supposed to communicate with you?”
“Verbally, perhaps?” suggested Klink. “I know you are very good with words, you silver-tongued devil.” He had noticed before that the other colonel hadn’t said whether he felt the same about him, Klink. Normally he’d let it slide, but this was one of those times where his natural curiosity was a real thorn in his side. If nothing else, he needed to know where he stood with the American. Otherwise, there was a good probability that his feelings would be crushed at a later date.
“Ha-ha, very funny,” grumbled Hogan. “If I had a silver tongue, I wouldn’t get stuck in as many messes as I manage to do.” Just for good measure, he huffed in fake annoyance. “You should know by now that I’m a visual sort of guy. I like showing how I feel rather than saying it,” he announced.
Ignoring the first part of Hogan’s response, Klink said, “I have noticed that, Robert. And I must know how you feel about me, for my own piece of mind. Do you see me as an enemy, or…perhaps not?” he asked cautiously, his voice pitching slightly higher at the end of it with hope.
He was trying to gage where he stood with his senior POW officer. The German colonel wasn’t entirely sure what he’d do if Hogan still considered him an enemy, but he was prepared to deal with it if the American one felt that way.
Rolling his eyes at that unnecessary question, Hogan felt turning up the cute factor he apparently had – and that was still news to him – was in order. Making sure his gaze met Klink’s, he widened his eyes and let the friendly affection he often felt lately toward the older man show. Then he stuck his lower lip out in a full pout before resting his head on Klink’s shoulder.
“That answer your question, Kommandant?” he asked with a mischievous laugh.
“No,” grumbled the tall German, “It just means you are being a brat on purpose, and you know it. Albeit a cute one,” he added. The American was going to have him, Wilhelm, wrapped around his pinky finger if he kept this sort of thing up!
“I’m sorry. Maybe I wasn’t clear enough before,” came the mock apology. Hogan turned and rubbed his head like a cat against Klink’s colonel’s uniform jacket like a cat. Then he leaned closer and snuggled as close to the German colonel as he dared without making it unusually weird, enjoying the feel of Klink’s arm wrapped around him.
The hug made him feel secure, as if nobody could ever hurt him. And for a moment, he actually forgot there was a war on outside the wires. It was just him and his Kommandant, enjoying a bonding moment together as the only two officers inside of Stalag 13. Finally, he locked his arms behind his head to cushion it and flopped backward over Klink’s lap.
The motion left him lying on his back, looking upward at the other officer. Despite everything, amusement with his antics danced in Klink’s blue eyes. The confirmation that Klink found him funny resulted in a lopsided grin from Hogan as he asked in a playful voice, “How about now? Do you have your answer?”
“Robert!” said Klink in false exasperation as he gazed down at his brat, unable even now to hide his amusement.
Hogan is certainly an oddball, he thought. But he is my oddball to protect, even if he vexes me at times. “I would still like a verbal answer, if you please. But the demonstration is very nice as well,” he felt obliged to add. He’d never admit it out loud, but the fact that his troublemaker clearly felt this comfortable with him warmed his heart.
“Okaaaaay,” Hogan sighed and drew out the word, as if having to say such a thing was the hardest task in the world. “No, I don’t consider you the enemy. I don’t do this with any other Kommandant, you know,” he teased.
“I should hope not, unless you have been taking unauthorized field trips…for which I did not sign your permission slip, young man,” Klink teased back. He was relieved to hear that Hogan didn’t consider him an enemy, and that he was the only one that his brat felt this comfortable around. In addition, it made him feel lighthearted to know at least one person here didn’t hate him.
“Rats!” Hogan snapped his fingers as he frowned. “You mean Uncle Schultz’s signature wasn’t good enough? I thought he mimicked your signature pretty well,” he added with a wink as his smile came back.
“No, it was not. There will be no field trips for you. You are grounded,” came the firm reply as Klink struggled to keep from laughing. He hadn’t felt this carefree since he’d been a little boy, so it was enjoyable.
“But Dad! They’re gonna do cool stuff like blow things up, and I wanna goooooo,” Hogan whined.
Yet he couldn’t keep a straight face for long, so he started laughing instead. “We sound completely ridiculous, you know that? Our respective brass would think we’d lost our minds.”
“I said no, Robert,” was all Klink could manage to say before he began laughing too. “Indeed, my brat. Though I am certain they felt that way about you a long time ago.”
Hogan raised his eyebrows. “Well! There’s no need to be insulting, Colonel Klink,” he replied.
“Who was being insulting? I was merely pointing out the obvious,” Klink said reasonably.
“How is that obvious?” Hogan demanded, not sure if he should be insulted or not. “What have I ever done that could possibly lead you to that conclusion?”
Now it was Klink’s turn to raise his eyebrows. “You mean besides being given a perfect opportunity to escape with a hostage – namely, me – and leaving, only to return to Stalag 13 because you ‘*just could not bear to escape’?” he asked wryly.
“Yes!” Hogan said indignantly, deciding that he was indeed insulted. “I paid good money to be at this resort, and I intend on staying!”
“And how much money did you supposedly pay, Robert? I assure you, I never saw so much as one Reichsmark,” Klink said evenly, taking Hogan’s words as assurance that at least he didn’t have to worry about his senior prisoner of war officer going anywhere!
“And I have told you before, this is not a resort! It is hardly as luxurious as a real resort, for one thing,” the German colonel added, feeling compelled to point that out since Hogan kept insisting otherwise.
“You’re right. If it is, it’s the crappiest one I’ve ever been to. But the company’s nice,” Hogan deadpanned as he shrugged. “I dunno. However much a B-52 bomber plane costs, I guess. Planes aren’t free, you know, and I’m sure the United States government has been docking my pay for it ever since I got here,” he added thoughtfully.
To be honest, that hadn’t even occurred to him until now. He’d just been thinking off the cuff, which was a honed skill of his. “That’s probably why you never any of saw it, and it would have been in US dollars anyway. So what else have I supposedly done that’s so strange?”
Having expected that question, Klink ignored the witty response Hogan had given and ticked the items off his slender fingers instead as he responded to the question. “You have kept General Burkhalter out of trouble with Berlin many times with your quick thinking, despite the fact he is an enemy. You have kept Major Hochstetter out of trouble with Berlin many times with your quick thinking, despite the same thing. You have kept me out of trouble with Berlin more times than I can count – and with other people too, I might add – with your quick thinking. You –”
“Okay, I get it,” grumbled Hogan. “So I’m weird because I like to keep things running smoothly here, I guess. Better the devils you know then the devils you don’t,” he said with a grin.
“You think you are funny, Robert?” demanded Klink, even as he admitted to himself that the American actually was very witty. “If we survive this war with all of your antics, I will be surprised.”
“Nope, I don’t think I’m funny. I know I’m hilarious,” Hogan tossed back sassily with a roguish wink.
“And why wouldn’t you survive? Or me, for that matter? I’m just a simple prisoner of war, locked up in *the toughest POW camp in all of Germany. And you’re here with me, running the place. I didn’t think the Kommandanten of POW camps usually had too much to worry about,” his senior POW officer felt obliged to point out.
Shaking his head, Klink said, “Ha-ha. You are so amusing, Robert. And yes, that is normally the case. After all, prisoner of war camps are hardly based nearby the front lines. But when has Stalag 13 ever been what you would call ‘normal’? I certainly missed seeing it happen if that is the case.”
He gave Hogan an amused look. “I am glad you remember that I am running this camp and not you. Because sometimes, I swear that you act as if it is the other way around. And you, Robert, are anything but ‘a simple prisoner of war’. A regular prisoner of war does not act as if he owns the place!” he finished.
“I thought I was,” said Hogan confidently as he stretched. “And I suppose you’re right about that. This camp’s never been normal,” he admitted. “And hey, somebody’s got to own and run it, right?” he asked with a smirk.
“Though that means I should probably make a few changes around here. Things like making this place co-ed, for one thing. I’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Hogan asked, mischief dancing in his eyes.
“I give up. You are completely impossible sometimes!” replied Klink in exasperation before he gently poked Hogan in the stomach. He’d chosen to ignore the question on purpose, not even wanting to entertain such an absurd idea. “Now get up off my lap so that you can put your cap, coat and boots back on, you brat. It is time for you to return to your barracks.”
“Am not!” Hogan shot back as he stuck out his tongue and shook his head. “Can’t I stay right here, sir?” he requested. “You really are comfortable, you know. It’s a nice change of pace from my lumpy barracks mattress,” he added.
“Hmmph. You are too,” Klink grumbled in reply, remembering how comfortable his lap had obviously been before for his wayward charge.
“Are we really going to do this again?” he wondered aloud, recalling the last time that Hogan had acted this way. He’d earned himself a second spanking that night with Klink’s hand after he’d already received the spoon, the German colonel recalled.
Even though he had no intention of doing that, an empty threat wouldn’t hurt. “Of course you can,” he said with false kindness before quickly adding, “But if you are going to stay there, you might as well flip back over onto your stomach, as you usually do when you are here. It does tend to make things easier in that regard.” Then he let his ‘nasty-happy’ smile cross his features in order to help back up his empty words.
“I’ll pass, thanks,” Hogan said dryly as he pushed himself up. “You’re such a killjoy, you know that?”
As he got to his feet so he could grab his stuff, he felt a sharp swat land on his butt. SMACK! “Oww!” he yelped. “What was that for?” he asked with a pout as he rubbed the smacked area.
“Because I am a killjoy, as you just said,” Klink said smugly, enjoying having an edge over the younger officer for once as he swatted his brat’s bottom again. SMACK! “And to remind you to listen to me the first time as well when I tell you to do something.”
The second swat to his behind produced another yelp. “Oww! Hey, knock it off!” Hogan complained before adding a hasty “sir” to the end of his sentence. He quickly walked over and grabbed his jacket, which he slipped on and zipped up.
Then he grabbed his boots and walked over to the sofa, making sure he sat down before Klink could swat him again! But sitting down that rapidly had its consequences, as the senior POW officer soon found out. “Oww. I shouldn’t have sat down that fast.”
“Then why did you? And I will pretend that I did not hear the disrespectful tone that you just used, troublemaker,” Klink said as he watched Hogan put on his boots. “By the way, where are your normal shoes?”
“To protect my butt from you, since it seems to be your new favorite target lately!” Hogan said in frustration, thinking that much was obvious. “And I fixed it at the end, anyway.” Having gotten one boot on, Hogan began to pull on the other one.
Hogan wasn’t used to wearing boots as a rule, and it showed. “But to answer your question, I left ‘em in my barracks, sir. They looked stupid with a sweatsuit,” he finished, still annoyed that Klink had managed to sneak in those two extra swats to his sore rear end.
“Oh,” Klink said as he nodded. That made sense, he supposed. “You should not have had to fix it, Robert. That is the point I was trying to make.” After Hogan had finished tying his both of bootlaces, they both stood up and walked towards the door.
His brat was walking backwards, which succeeded in keeping said target out of Klink’s reach. “Yes, your bottom has become my favorite target, that is true.” the older man replied. “And it will continue to be until such time as you learn to be obedient!”
They had reached the door now, which meant it was time for them to say goodbye for the night. In a playful tone of voice, Klink glanced at the American and said, “Well, I enjoyed myself tonight. I do not know about you.”
Hogan made a face, his expression looking like he’d bit into something disgusting. “I did too, for the most part. And I’d be happy to find you a new target, Colonel Klink. One that’s not attached to me!”
“The most part?” Klink repeated, sounding confused.
“Um, yeah. The punishments weren’t fun, especially the second one. At least the first one brought the emotional release I like with it. That little announcement you decided to make wasn’t fun for me either,” the American officer said.
A ‘nasty-happy’ smile crept across the tall German’s features as he spoke. “Well, I would not expect any of the above to be fun for you. And I rather like the target I have been using,” he replied with an uncharacteristic wink.
Hogan’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms. “Well, I don’t like it! You’re pure evil, do you know that Kommandant?”
“I am well aware of that, but flattery will get you nowhere, Robert,” replied Klink as he grabbed the unsuspecting other officer into a full hug. “I will see you tomorrow night and every night thereafter at our usual time of 2200 hours,” he said as he let go of Hogan.
“Sure, Colonel Klink,” replied Hogan in surprise as he returned the hug, unsure what else to do unless he wanted things to get awkward. “Can I ask what that was for, sir? I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Merely a small sign that your insufferable self is growing on me,” explained Klink in an even tone. “I do apologize if you were not expecting it.”
He swatted Hogan’s behind twice more before his senior POW officer could think to defend that area.
SMACK! SMACK!
“Was that any better for you, perhaps?” the tall German inquired with a smirk.
“Ow, ow!” yelped the startled American as he put his crush cap back on his head.
“No!” he added with a glare. “I liked the hug better.”
“Well, do not complain about it next time,” the German colonel shot back as he opened the door. “Now, get back to your barracks before I do it again.”
Then he gave Hogan a salute and received one in return. “You have until I count to three to make yourself scarce. One Mississippi, tw –”
“I’m going, I’m going!” interrupted Hogan hastily as he backed out of Klink’s quarters and out of his reach. “And I wasn’t complaining. It was just an observation!” he added once he was a safe distance away.
“Good night, Colonel Klink!” he called out as he made his way down the steps and quickly began walking away.
“The same to you!” Klink called out before closing the door. He only hoped Hogan was true to his word, or he would be one very sorry little brat.

A/N: Homosexuals in Nazi Germany were sent to concentration camps, wore pink triangles as badges, and forced to perform slave labor. They were also castrated and tortured before being brutally murdered.
**Poof is another name for a homosexual, which can be derogatory depending on how it’s used.
Until the end of World War Two, only royalty, people of noble blood or people born into aristocratic families were allowed to become officers. The general belief was that being an officer was a privilege, and therefore commoners weren’t offered the opportunity.
***That line is from an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants called ‘Band Geeks’ and is used to taunt Mr. Krabs. It’s one of my favorite lines from that show.
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