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The Thirteenth Step	By : ExOnEv Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 4503 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any characters wherein. No monetary gain for me from writing this, just beautiful and tragic moments in my mind's eye.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
Morgan and Reid walked into the bar together. Morgan quickly located the others. Reid followed, suddenly feeling shy and displaced. Now that they had arrived, he thought maybe he shouldn't have come. He was apprehensive about having to face his friends and colleagues guessing that they all probably knew he'd slipped up.
Reid glanced around at the thermal energies dancing about and was quickly reminded of his lack of rhythm. As he and Morgan cut through the dance floor, Reid felt hands on his body. One firm hand grabbed his side and another loosely tugged the collar of his sweater vest. They let go as he kept walking. He gulped and straightened his clothing, trying not to look back. He could smell the perfume, the sweat and the alcohol in the air causing him to scratch at his nose. Morgan glanced behind him to see if Reid was keeping up. He had a huge grin. Reid quickly realized Morgan walked them through the crowd on purpose.
When they reached Hotch, Prentiss, JJ, Rossi and Garcia there were loud greetings and laughter. Reid watched as Morgan got a hug from each of the girls, shared a nod with Rossi and shook Hotch's hand. Then everyone looked at Reid. Prentiss was the first to reach out to him and he awkwardly moved closer to her and leaned in for the hug. He could feel JJ rubbing his arm as he was pulling away and then she stole a hug from him too. He wasn't surprised to see Garcia there, waiting for her hug next. "What do ya say, fellow genius? Let's make Derek Morgan jealous!" Reid's expression was priceless. He glanced at Morgan first before he awkwardly shared a very tight hug with Garcia.
When he and Garcia parted everyone was still looking at him. "What?" Reid asked.
Morgan chimed in because no one else would. "You just turned ten shades of red, my man."
"Okay, okay…" Reid said blushing even more.
While Reid tried to defeat his slight embarrassment, he overheard the girls making plans for a bathroom break. He felt Morgan come up behind him and squeeze his shoulders. "You're our family, Reid. We all love you, no matter what." Reid smiled to save himself from expressing his minor annoyance and tried to shoo Morgan away. He felt like he was being babied a little. Morgan left and Reid watched as the girls walked away in a group. Reid nodded at Rossi and then let his eyes meet Hotch's. "Hey, Hotch."
"Glad to see you could come."
Reid let out the breath he had been holding and with a bit of relief, smiled and sat down across from Hotch.
"We all can use our friends on a Friday night," Rossi said to filter the moment on through.
Reid nodded in agreement then peeked around over his shoulder. It was really packed tonight. He felt a little overwhelmed and didn't quite know where it was coming from. Being here never bothered him before. Hotch began to tell Rossi a story about his son, Jack. Reid smiled along, but he could hardly pay close attention while feeling so apprehensive. The girls came back with big smiles, laughing at whatever girls laugh at and sat down at the table next them. He couldn't see Morgan anywhere. Feeling a tap on his shoulder, he turned around and saw a waitress.
"Can I get you anything, hon?" She had bright blue eyes and her skin shimmered under the lighting.
"Oh, just some water please," Reid said.
"We'll take another pitcher," Hotch motioned.
"Sure thing, boys," she said. Reid couldn't help but think she was pretty. She was definitely southern, having a Texan accent. She had a beautiful smile and she was blonde, like Lila. Reid shook his head. Where did that come from?, he thought to himself. He watched the young woman as she took another pitcher order from Prentiss, then he dismissed her from his thoughts.
Reid felt his shoulder being clutched onto again. It was Morgan, leaning over him to steal a drink from Hotch's mug, using Reid as a brace. "Time to go get my freak on!" he said. "See you out there?" Morgan teased. Hotch and Rossi grinned at Reid who knew that tease was meant only for him. Reid quickly spun around to see Morgan landing next to a gorgeous woman on the dance floor. Then JJ, Prentiss and Garcia all screamed in excitement.
Reid felt envy. He felt jealousy. He couldn't watch so he turned back around.
The rest of the evening was much of the same. Prentiss caught Reid in the hallway on his way to the restroom. She wanted to make sure he was doing okay. He confessed he hadn't slept for going on almost 2 days now. Her eyes were so sympathetic and her hand reached out to his arm, giving a reassuring rub. "You and Morgan seemed to be getting along better."
"Yeah, umm," he pressed his lips together, holding in a smile, "Yeah, everything's fine."
"Is there anything you want to talk about?" she tried to persuade him.
Reid shook his head. "No, everything's fine," he repeated.
Prentiss gave him a look like she knew better, but she also knew he'd talk when he wanted to, if there was anything that was on his mind. "Oh! I almost forgot. I took these from Morgan earlier." She pulled keys from her pocket. "His idea, just in case."

Reid and Morgan ambled down the hallway towards Reid's apartment as it was nearing midnight. Both were quiet. Really quiet. The kind of quiet that's not unlike the calm before a storm. Reid turned the key and they both stepped inside the silent and still space. No lights were on. Reid walked straight across the way and turned on his desk lamp. He could feel the air around them changing. It made him nervous. "Do you… uhh… Do you want to stay the night?" he asked Morgan.
"Huh?" Morgan was lost in thought and wasn't paying any attention.
"You had me drive. Maybe you shouldn't drive home? You can stay here?"
"Yeah…" Morgan headed to the couch.
"I'll take the couch. You can have my bed." Reid wanted nothing more than for Morgan to have a good night's sleep tonight.
Morgan didn't answer right away. He was still hovering around the couch.
"I-I know you must be tired. I don't mind sleeping on the couch."
"Reid, just shut up."
Reid frowned, uneasy and not sure why Morgan was annoyed. He certainly wasn't drunk. He'd seen Morgan tipsy before. This wasn't that. And now Reid was afraid to say anything more. He stood with his hands in his pockets and watched as Morgan emptied his belt of all its devices. He heard the gun being set down onto the coffee table. Then Morgan turned his head to let Reid know he felt like he was being watched which made Reid look away instantly.
Reid cleared his throat and hustled to the door, making sure it was locked. He left the desk lamp on. And without another word to Morgan, headed to his bedroom and closed the door.

Reid wet his tooth brush, added some toothpaste and began brushing his teeth like he was on a mission. In his mind he kept telling himself something was really wrong. He had no idea what it was. Since going to the bar, the night had been so uneventful. For him. Maybe something happened with Morgan? Maybe he just didn't feel good and didn't want to be bothered. Reid spat out the foamy mess in his mouth and continued brushing. He brushed until he was satisfied and then spat it all out again, some dripping down his chin. He took a handful of water in his hand, swished and rinsed his mouth out, wiping his chin with his wet hand. When he caught his reflection he averted his eyes, not liking how tired he looked.
He began emptying his pockets onto the small counter space. He still had the keys to the SUV. He looked back to make sure the door was closed. He wasn't used to someone else in his place, especially at night. His cell phone beeped. It was an incoming text from Prentiss. She was checking in. He texted her back that he and Morgan had made it back and to have a good night. Right after he hit 'send' he thought maybe he shouldn't have mentioned Morgan. Prentiss was gonna figure this all out if he wasn't more careful.
Reid washed his face and pulled off his vest and tie. He suddenly felt as exhausted as he looked. He could feel how heavy his eye lids were. He gathered as many of the loose items he could and opened his bathroom door, only to find Morgan standing there. Most people would have screamed or jumped, dropped everything… but Reid was as calm as calm could ever be… on the outside. On the inside, when Morgan was suddenly in front of him, he thought his heart had actually skipped a beat. An uncomfortable single ping-like sensation, filtered outward from his chest, up his neck, down his back and away, down his arms. He became flush with his own heat again as he stood motionless in the doorway and waited, not sure what was happening.
Morgan was just standing there, grinding his teeth, working his jaw muscles, staring at Reid. "Spencer," Morgan started. Reid loved that. It sounded a little foreign, but he loved that Morgan had just said his name. "I don't ever… wanna have to burn any bridges with you."
Reid's mouth opened, but he couldn't find his voice to even begin to say anything. He had no idea what to say. He didn't understand. He begged with his eyes for an explanation. And then something changed in Morgan's face like he was telling Reid he was sorry. Reid fought the tears that were threatening his composure. "Don't do this," was all Reid could muster. Morgan looked away. Reid could tell Morgan was arguing with himself. He stepped by Morgan to put the items in his hand onto the nightstand. Morgan watched him, considerate and waiting, like he wanted to talk. "Morgan, what's wrong? What happened? Did I do something?"
Morgan rubbed his hand over his head and sighed. "Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"Blame yourself." Morgan was irritated again already.
Reid ignored his question. "Something must have happened in the last 5 hours and 23 minutes and… and-and," he stopped and restarted. "Morgan, talk to me. Whatever it is, just… pleeease, talk to me."
"You wanna know what happened?" Morgan snapped at Reid, barely waiting for him to finish.
Reid took a deep breath feeling that negative energy building up inside of Morgan. "Yes. Please." He licked his lips, leaving them parted as he breathed from his mouth.
"I got reminded tonight that I love women. I love the way they sound. I love the way they move. I love the way they smell. I love the way they taste." The longer he went on, the more heated he sounded. "I love breasts. I love pussy. And I love making sweet, passionate love to women."
Morgan's sudden anger bothered Reid and the fear of rejection tapped on his shoulder again, causing his defenses to go up like armor plating. Reid felt like Morgan was rubbing all of this in his face. Morgan could have any woman he wanted. Why would he choose to be with Reid?
"Then why are you here?" Reid sniped. "Either you want to be with me or you don't." A moment passed with neither of them saying anything. Morgan just couldn't understand why Reid thought this was so simple. Reid took a very deep breath before he continued. "We're both attracted to women. That was never a question. You don't have to prove yourself to me, Morgan." Reid maintained eye contact with Morgan, but still watched him very carefully trying to read him. He just looked mad. Angry. Like he was fuming and holding it all in. Just earlier that day, Morgan wanted something more for them and now he was back peddling. Reid knew he was afraid to move forward with their relationship, still grasping very tightly onto anything that made him feel like his heterosexual self.
Morgan's eyes moved left and right toward the floor and he placed his hands on his hips as he became lost in thought. Reid stood with him, patiently waiting. For what, he wasn't sure. "I, uhh.. I'm just gonna go home, Reid," he finally said.
"What? No," Reid pleaded. "No, Morgan. You don't have to leave." His hand landed on Morgan's forearm and squeezed, but Morgan pulled his arm away.
"Where's my keys?"
Reid knew exactly where they were, but Morgan didn't need to know that. "I don't know."
Morgan turned around shaking his head, knowing that Reid was lying through his teeth. He stepped out of the bedroom having the mind to catch a cab or walk home at this point. "Unbelievable," he said to himself.
Reid was getting a little pissed. Morgan wasn't listening to himself. Reid followed closely behind him. "You know what? Never mind. Go ahead, Morgan. Run away."
Morgan stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned around so fast that Reid ran into him. "Watch yourself," he threatened just inches from Reid. Again, the look on his face should have scared Reid, but it didn't.
"No," Reid refused. "Morgan, stop fighting it."
Morgan rolled his eyes and turned back around continuing his attempt to leave. He didn't want to, but he didn't feel like his could face this yet. Earlier he felt different, but right now, everything felt wrong. He couldn't ignore it.
In two strides, Reid had a hold of Morgan's hand and pulled him to a stop. "Reid, I swear to God," Morgan said just above a whisper as he turned. The very second they were facing each other Reid took Morgan's head in hands and smashed his lips against Morgan's. Reid fully expected him to pull away, but he didn't. A whimper left Reid's throat as he breathed out of his nose. He opened his mouth against Morgan's lips and cocked his head. Morgan kissed back.
Ignition.
Reid felt it and he could feel it in Morgan. An even louder whimper escaped Reid, something between elation and desperation. He let Morgan's tongue explore the inside of his mouth, needing to taste him. Morgan's hands landed on Reid's lower back and that sent his blood racing to his groin as Morgan pulled them together. The heat flared between them as they pressed their centers against each other. Their kisses became sloppy and wet, uncontrolled and needful.
Morgan pulled away and he and Reid looked at each other, breathing heavily. Morgan restarted the kissing, somethin' hard and deep. Reid's shaking hands and trembling fingers tugged and pulled at Morgan's belt, undoing it.
Reid could feel Morgan's hands on his chest now. He began pulling away from Reid again, but Reid kept trying to keep the kisses going. "Reid, stop." Morgan's request fell on deaf ears. "Reid!" he said louder, grabbing at Reid's hands. Reid tried one more time to kiss Morgan. That was a mistake. In one swift thrust, Reid felt pressure on his chest and he went flying backward into the wall. He cried out as his back and shoulders slammed into the hard surface.
"Christ, Reid! Slow the fuck down!"
Reid almost fell from the sheer force of the impact, having the wind knocked out of him, but he righted himself and tried to talk through the pain. "If you would just… listen… to what your body says…" Reid brought his left hand to his right shoulder and held it there as he continued, "Stop telling yourself you don't want it." He winced as he gripped tight onto his arm and held it firmly against his side to keep his shoulder from moving.
Morgan couldn't believe he just did that to Reid. He looked over Reid's shoulder and saw the shadow of a dent in the wall. And there Reid was, pushing through, determined as hell, hardly phased at all.
"I gotta go," he said quietly to Reid as he fixed his belt. He turned around again, heading for the door.
"Derek!" Reid yelled out in all hopelessness.
That stopped Morgan. He heard something in Reid's voice that squeezed at his chest. He stood in place, knowing Reid was right. About running away. About everything. He hung his head, disappointed in himself, frustrated to beat hell. He could feel Reid just behind him and it kept him from taking another step.
"I don't know if I could…" Reid hesitated due to the lump that had just formed in his throat, "…hold it together if you leave again, Morgan."
Morgan turned around and saw the fear in Reid's eyes. It forced the air out of his lungs as if a breath had been stolen from him. Both of them were so lost. They were so lost without each other. But even being in the same room, they still couldn't get it right. In the low light Morgan could see Reid's eyelids brimming with tears and it broke his heart. This all had to stop, one way or another. "Come here, man." Morgan opened his arms to him.
Reid moved into Morgan and they hugged. His shoulder was killing him, but Reid hugged Morgan anyway… and so completely that Morgan thought it might just be one of the best hugs he had ever experienced. Reid's arms were so long they seemed to envelop him. He hugged Reid back with everything he had. They held each other for a few minutes, neither wanting to let go.
"Alright," Morgan said softly. He began to pull away, but Reid squeezed him tight again. "Come on, man. Let me go."
"Never," Reid said into the top of Morgan's shoulder. He felt Morgan's hand rub his back. It lulled him and he could feel the tension easing.
Morgan forced a separation and took Reid's hand, leading him to the couch. They sat down together and Morgan put his arm around Reid and kissed his temple. "I love you, Pretty Boy. We're gonna figure this out."
- 7
- 8
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The Thirteenth Step