Silenced Screams

Chapter Nine










“We’ll be there in thirty minutes.”






He finally answered back to the voice on the phone before hanging up and going in search of his jacket and shoes.






“Get dressed we gotta go. Danny ran into a snag and we’ve gotta send some people out to clear things up before the shooting starts.”






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






“How many times am I gonna have to tell you Danny? Not everything can be ‘talked’ out. You coulda got yourself killed out there. And while I’m sure you love that whole ‘dying and coming back’ thing you do so well, it’s taxing on everyone else’s nerves.” Jack informed Daniel in his most sarcastic voice.






“Ha ha ha very funny. But isn’t that why I was called in the first place…so I could talk to them?”






“Not once they’ve started shooting.”






“Yeah, well…don’t try to change the subject. How was Sam last night? You promised you’d give it a rest with her.” Daniel remained.






“I’m not the enemy here Danny. I just don’t want her thinking she can just bury this and it’ll go away. It doesn’t work that way. I know.”






Jack got lost in his own memories of the past. Of all the mistakes he’d made with Sahara…‘I’d wanted so much for her to get better…to put that whole nightmare experience behind her and get back to her happy go lucky life…but I failed her. I saw what I wanted to see…what she wore on the outside. And I fell for it. Believing that those infamous ‘O’Neill genes’ couldn’t be beaten by anyone or anything. But they were. Not only were they beaten, they were raped…and you don’t just walk away from that. She may have been making all the right sounds on the outside…but on the inside she was dying a little bit more everyday. And I missed every clue. I won’t make that mistake again. Especially not with Sam. No way could I survive burying another woman I loved because of this. And if she has to hate me to get through it, then that’s a small price to pay.’






“But in answer to your question…No. No. I didn’t pressure her all evening. Who could? Every time ya turned around that damn phone was ringing. I was about ready to pull it out of the wall toward the end.” Jack complained.






“Yeah, I know what ya mean. One more wrong number and I’d have gladly paid to have her number changed.” On this point Daniel could agree whole-heartily with Jack’s sentiment.






“Could you not have done as Major Carter did on the evenings I was there? Remove the receiver?” Teal’c inquired. They seem to upset her greatly.”






The guys continued to pass the time over lunch discussing any and every thing from ‘Danny’s rocks’ to the Avalanche’s chances for a perfect season. Daniel and Teal’c were deep in a discussion over the culture behind certain aspects of the goa’uld theology when something in Jack’s posture alerted him to the change.






“Jack…?” Daniel questioned.






Teal’c sit up straighter, eye brow raised, waiting. He had seen that look many times. O’Neill was working out some problem and it was always best to be silent and wait. Something that seemed beyond DanielJackson’s ability.






Just as Daniel was about to launch into his watershed of questions Jack held up his hand and frown. You could almost see the wheels turning.






“I thought she was upset about something I said.” He looked from one to the other as if expecting an answer. Both men stared back, waiting for the explanation to the question that wasn’t even a question, more a statement of fact.






“She wasn’t upset because of me, she was upset because of the call.” Jack stated as if that would explain everything.






“She’s been getting a lot of wrong numbers. She was upset the other night. I found her in the kitchen white as a sheet. I told her to have her number changed if…” Jack cut him off before he could get totally side tracked.






“Daniel!” Jack practically yelled his frustration. Daniel still hadn’t ‘got it’ and was looking back and forth between Jack and Teal’c.






“O’Neill believes MajorCarter’s attacker is still in contact with her, causing her great distress.” Teal’c clarified for him.






“WHAT!” Daniel shouted in total disbelief.






~~~~~~~~~~~~






“Major Carter we’re never going to make any kind of progress if you won’t even talk to me. I’m sure the order didn’t specifically say you had to talk, but it was implied. Say something.”






Dr. McKenzie had about reached the end of his patience. A week of daily session with Major Carter and he couldn’t even get her to say ‘hello.‘ He knew most people on base disliked him…felt he wasn’t very competent, but really…what was he suppose to do when his patients wouldn’t speak. There’s only so much you can do when you’re talking to yourself.






“If you won’t tell me how you feel, then tell me how everyone else feels. Think of it as a way to vent all your anger and frustrations at being ordered to see me. That couldn’t have made you happy. Everyone forcing you here when you know you’re fine. What is it they think is wrong with you to makes them think you need to see me?”






That was the last card he had to play. If that didn’t get her talking he would have to recommend she see someone else. There was obviously a problem, but if she didn’t have confidence in him and wouldn’t talk to him, then maybe she’d feel more comfortable talking to someone else.






“The Colonel seems to think I need to fall apart and cry all over everyone to get better. Everyone else is just following his lead.” The words exploded out of her like the flood gate had been opened. The starter’s pistol fired and off she went.






“I keep telling everyone I’m fine, but obviously one of the side effects of being raped is you no longer have the ability to judge your own feelings. I’m so fragile and weak I don’t know what I really want or need. Thank god I have the Colonel to take control and handle all these things for me. Whatever would I do without him.” Sarcasm and bitterness dripping from every word.






‘Okay maybe I got more than I bargained for.’ McKenzie thought as he watched Major Carter get more and more agitated as she paced furiously around his office.






“I don’t understand what he wants from me. I’m a soldier I’ve been hurt a whole lot worst on missions and never had to go through all of this.” Her rage was still growing as she all but yelled at him.






“Maybe he thinks rape is much worst than any of those things you’ve been through.” McKenzie stated trying to sound like the voice of reason to help her see another viewpoint.






“Well, it’s not!” She shouted. “I’ve had sex before! I am not traumatized. It was just sex! Rough sex, yes, but that’s all!” She was almost screaming. No one seemed interested in hearing what she thought. Everyone knew best for her. Everyone wanted to control her life…her feeling…her emotions.






“Rape is not about sex Major Carter. Actually sex is the least important of the things rape does to you. There’s a huge difference between ‘rough sex’ and ‘rape’. Rape is about anger and rage. Rape is about controlling someone else. Rape is about taking control away from you, humiliating you, taking away your security and violating you at the most basic level.” He couldn’t be sure if she was paying him any attention, but this was the most she had been willing to do since she started seeing him so he pressed on.






“If someone had broken in and robbed your house, went through all your drawers emptying everything all over the place, you would know that something bad had been done to you. You might never feel comfortable in that house again. Right?”






“Yes.” She didn’t like where this was going, but she had started it by answering his first question. Now she was forced to hear him out.






“Rape is even more personal than that. Why is it so hard to acknowledge?” He ask innocently and waited patiently for her answer.






Sam hated not having the answer to that. She hated that he might be right. If he were right, then she would have to deal with it, but she knew he couldn’t be. She was a soldier and all she needed to do was move on to the next mission. This would all blow over in time. She could handle it, she was strong. She had a good mind, she was smart. She understood what had happened to her. Her mind understood it. It would just take time for her body to follow. Only time. And everyone…the Colonel…leaving her along while that time passed.






Feeling almost like a child who wasn’t getting her way, Sam decides to take her toys and leave.






“It’s not.” She huffed and puffed, then stormed out. “I’ve got test running I need to get back“. And she was gone.






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






When Sam returned from her visit with Dr. McKenzie she found the guys waiting for her in her lab.






“What? You don’t trust me? Are you checking to make sure I kept my appointment with Dr. McKenzie? Well I did.” Sam was building up a full head of steam fueled by her righteous indignation and still pissed with Dr. McKenzie. Now they were all teaming up on her, treating her like she might fall apart at any minute she was so fragile. But she didn’t get anything else out before Jack’s quiet voice interrupted.






“Why didn’t you tell anyone he was calling you?”






“What?” Sam stammer confused. ‘How did they know? What had she done to give it away?’ “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”






After nearly two hours, lots of issues had been settled. Everything from why Sam had felt the need to hide her calls…her attacker had said she was weak and telling her team would mean she needed them to protect her. A man could’ve handled it alone, so…she could too. She had gone all the way from frighten, pass guilty and straight to ‘pissed’ that she could be played so easily. There were still many things she needed to work out, but…she was at least now on her way. Her babysitters weren’t going anywhere anytime soon, but at least now she felt better about them being there for her. They were there because they wanted to be, not because they were ordered to be. And she had the Colonel back as something other than a target for all of her anger and rage.






And now that they were talking it didn’t take long to find out that it wasn’t revulsion that kept every one at arms length, it was yet another fupa on Dr. McKenzie part. Sam was no ‘text book case’ and Dr. McKenzie had been grossly in error telling everyone to treat her as such. By telling everyone to ‘give her space and not touch’ he had accomplished what even her attacker hadn’t been able to do…isolate and alienate her from all the family she had. Realizing that even they were repulsed by her, she had erected walls and barriers, blocking ‘everyone who could hurt her’ out…and herself inside…all alone.






But now they could touch, they could feel, they could show all the emotions they had grown accustomed to hiding. Mistakes would continue to be made, but they were a family and together they could…would overcome everything.






Actually Dr. McKenzie had done such a spectacularly bad job of treating Sam, that his services were no longer required to get her through her trauma. Like so many other times, SG-1 would pull together and take care of their own.






Sam was still afraid and still grounded for the time being but, with everyone’s help the nightmares and cold sweats would be dealt with. For now…Sam was back. For the first time since their down time Sam was back, and if an unexpected touch caused her to jump no one made a big deal out of it, just held on until it passed. The ‘weak helpless Sam’ was gone, replaced by ‘kicking ass and taking names Sam’. And the first thing on her agenda was to make that SOB who’d done this to her pay.






~~~~~~~~~~~~






They all met up at Sam’s later that evening. Nothing out of the ordinary, a regular team night of beer and pizza. But instead of comments on the movie playing on the TV everyone was hard at work planning the perfect trap. Using Sam as the bait he would surly fall for it hook, line and sinker.






It wasn’t often they could all get together. Team nights were a regular tradition to blow off stream and bond especially after a particularly hard or dangerous mission. But having Janet find the time to join in had become harder and harder to schedule. Oh, there was little doubt that except for the seriousness of the meeting, Janet would still not have had the time. Being a single mother and the Chief Medical Officer for the base kept her plate pretty full all the time. But tonight had her priorities include moral support for Sam and any psychological insight she might have about their John Doe Rapist. The lighthearted joking atmosphere was a much needed release for them all. The strain everyone had been under since Sam’s abduction had started to fray the bonds of friendship they all shared.






“I just don’t see why we can’t come up with a plan that doesn’t have Carter dangling out there all along at the mercy of some crackpot.” Jack complained for the hundredth time that evening.






“I don’t know Jack, it’s not like we have any other leads, you’re the brilliant strategist come up with something.” Daniel replied right on cue. This argument had gone back and forth all evening, there was no good answer. At least not one that didn’t require Sam to put herself at risk. Whoever this man was, he clearly wanted Sam, and the only hope of smoking him out was to offer up Sam.






The rest of the evening went pretty much the same. After fine tuning and polishing every detail to even Jack’s satisfaction the evening started to break up. Daniel and Teal’c were the first to leave. Janet was the next to go, but not before she had some quiet time with Sam to see for herself how she was holding up under all that had happened.






“So, how do you feel about all this Sam?” She ask off hand, trying to down play her own worries for Sam’s physical and psychological well being.






“I keep telling everyone…I’m fine. I can handle this. Contrary to what the Colonel thinks I am not about to fall apart or jump off the bridge. It‘s almost like he wants me to. He wants to see me crying and terrified of everyone…not able to cope…but I can…I am.” The confusion evident in her voice.






“He’s lost a lot Sam. He just doesn’t want to loss you too. I don’t think he could handle it. Losing Sahara almost killed him. He use to be such a happy carefree guy…but every lost has taken a little bit more out of him. My god, I didn’t even recognize who he was when I came to work at the SGC. Don’t make him have to go through that again.” Janet’s voice had turned to almost a plea. Begging Sam for understanding.






The moment was broken when Jack entered the kitchen carrying the last of the dirty dishes. Janet seeing her perfect escape grabbed her coat and purse and said her goodbyes.






Jack and Sam moved around the house, putting the last of everything back to place and getting settled for the night. Janet’s comments still had Sam curious and before she could lose her nerves…again.






“Who’s Sahara and what does she have to do with my attack?”






To Be Continued





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