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Balancing the Equation	By : IrenaAdler Category: M through R > NUMB3RS Views: 1774 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own NUMB3RS, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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It shouldn't have happened. It was late and David was
supposed to sleep on Don's couch. Instead they both got drunk and ended
up naked on Don�s floor. Somehow their �motel room� spilled over into
Don's apartment.

At some point, they�d moved to Don�s bed.� Sex had been a protracted and playful battle
for dominance.� Don enjoyed focusing on
just one person, working David until he was quivering with pleasure.� They had only slept between orgasms.�

Maybe Don would have to come up with an excuse to get Colby
here one night �

The next morning, David had nailed Don against the wall of
his tiny shower stall.

Don was partially dressed, stumbling around in the pleasant
haze of orgasmic exhaustion, when someone knocked at the door.� A spurt of adrenaline burned away his
sleepiness.� No one ever knocked on his
door.

Looking out the peephole, Don saw Charlie standing
there.� Don wrenched open the door.�

�What�s wrong?� Don demanded.

Charlie took a step back.�
�Does something have to be wrong for me to come by?�

�Well,� Don said, �that�s the only time I see you here.�

Charlie frowned, seeming to consider this.� �No, I just wanted to tell you about this new
equation that I ��

At that moment, David called, �Hey Eppes, where do you keep
your razor?�

Don abruptly realized that he was only wearing his jeans, no
shirt, and his hair was still wet from the shower.

Charlie seemed to realize this at the same time and he
blinked in confusion.

Don pulled Charlie inside the door and shut it.� He called over his shoulder, �Charlie�s
here.�

David quickly came out, a towel around his waist.� �What�s wrong?� he asked.

�Nothing�s wrong,� Charlie said impatiently, �I just��

�Picked this morning to drop by,� Don finished.� Of all
mornings of my life.

�Well, yeah, I didn�t know ��

Don ran his hand through his wet hair.� �Look, Charlie, it�s not what you think.�

Charlie raised his eyebrows, looking meaningfully at the
towel around David�s waist.

�Okay,� Don shrugged, knowing he was caught, �It�s exactly
what you think.�

Next to him, David grinned.

Charlie�s eyes opened even wider, flicking back and forth
between the two of them.� He stammered, "Are
you two, you know, romantic?"

"Naw," David said. �"It's
just fun."

Don smiled at David and said, �The razor is in the top,
right-hand drawer.�

David took the cue.�
�Thanks.�� He turned back to the
bedroom.� �Nice to see you, Charlie.�

�Nice to see ...� Charlie responded automatically then must have realized what
he was saying. His face went red.

David vanished back into Don�s bathroom and Charlie stared
at Don.

�How long has this been going on?�� Charlie asked, his voice strange.

Don leaned back against the wall, wickedly enjoying
Charlie�s bewilderment.� �It's just
occasional.� Started when we got snowed
in that week in Watson.�

�You said you watched movies.�

�We did that too.�

Charlie swallowed visibly.� �Wait
... Wasn't Colby with you?�

�Yep.�

�Whoa.� Charlie stumbled to a chair. �You're ... gay?�

Don shook his head.� �No, Charlie, I'm
not.�

�But��

�Gay would mean that I'm in love with men. No, I just sometimes like to
fuck them.�� Don grinned at the shock on
Charlie's face.

Charlie shot up from his chair.� �I gotta go.�

�But your equation?�

�It can wait. You ... have a naked man in your bathroom who is
probably going to need some shaving cream.�

�Charlie!� Don laughed.

Charlie moved towards the door.

�Wait,� Don said, the seriousness of his predicament suddenly coming home to
him.� �You can't tell anyone. It
would ruin my career and I would have to at least transfer out of LA. Do
you understand what I'm telling you?�

Charlie nodded vaguely.� �Yeah, tell no
one. Like they'd believe me anyway.�

Don stared at his brother, wondering what thoughts were going through that
brain.� He�d never been able to
tell.� �I'll come by your office later.�

�Okay,� Charlie said and scooted out the door.

Don stood, frowning at the door as Charlie shut it quietly
behind him.�

Behind Don, David asked.� �Can he keep a
secret?�

Don shook his head slowly.�
�I don�t know.� I hope so.�

�Yeah,� David agreed.

There was silence for a moment then David said lightly, �Did
he say something about shaving cream?�

Don turned to David, a laugh rising in his throat.� �You�re insatiable.�

�Look who�s talking,� David said and his lips moved to meet
Don�s.

Charlie stood in the hall, convulsively clutching his notebook and staring at
nothing.� He replayed the scene with Don
and David over and over in his mind, wondering if he had somehow misinterpreted
it.� No, Don had made it clear � �I just
like to fuck them sometimes.�

He stumbled down the hallway, hardly looking where he was
going.� Don, sleeping with men.� It
just didn�t add up.� The equation of
Charlie�s life was now lopsided, unworkable.�
He reached his car and sat staring out the windshield.�

People always made him uncomfortable.� They didn�t act in completely predictable
patterns, follow logical rules.� He�d
spent a lot of time analyzing people�s behavior, trying to quantify and categorize
it, trying to turn it into numbers.� He
loved theories like social networking where he could put people onto paper and
manage them with equations.�

He�d thought he�d finally gotten Don figured out.� It had taken him thirty years, but he�d
become comfortable around Don, thinking he knew how Don would react to various
stimuli.� Don sleeping with David ruined
the whole structure that Charlie had built.�
If he couldn�t predict Don�s behavior on such a large issue as
sexuality, how could he trust his calculations on smaller things?

Charlie started his car and drove automatically.� He didn�t even remember getting there, but he
found himself walking into his office.�
He threw his notebook on the desk and gripped the edge of the desk,
feeling disoriented and agitated.� On the
desk in front of him, he saw the cold case file that Don had given him to try
and �do the math thing� with.� With
relief, he delved into the numbers of a racketeering case.

Several hours later, Charlie had processed and filtered the
data.� His mind automatically had picked
out the patterns in the numbers and he saw a whole new avenue of investigation
for the FBI.�� He sat back in his chair
and stretched, pleased with his work.��
He should run this file over to Don�s office and�

The memory of this morning came crashing down on him.�� Don
and David, David and Don.� ��He couldn�t go to Don�s office.� He�d have to look Don in the face, a Don he
no longer knew.� And David would be there
too.� How could he carry on casual
conversation with a man that he had seen come mostly-naked out of his brother�s
bedroom?

He closed up the file and shoved it to the side of his
desk.� It was a cold case, it could
wait.� He pushed back from his desk,
suddenly restless.� A walk, that�s what I need. Fresh air.

The quad was warm in the afternoon sun.� Charlie remembered that he hadn�t had lunch,
or breakfast for that matter.� Mom would be annoyed.� The melancholy that always followed thoughts
of his mother settled over him, adding to his gloom.�

�Charles?�� A familiar
voice said.

Charlie looked up and managed a smile.� �Hi, Larry.�

His old friend peered at him.� �Oh my, what dismal cogitations have I
interrupted?�

�Just �� Charlie shrugged.�
�Just sometimes I don�t get people.�

�Only sometimes?��
Larry replied then immediately said, �I�m sorry, that was unnecessary
and not entirely factual.� You often get
along well with people.�

�That doesn�t mean I understand them.�

Larry shifted his armful of papers to one hand so that he
could gesture with the other.� �That is a
very valid point, since the ability to behave correctly in a system is not the
same as comprehension of the system itself.�
We walk along the sidewalk but we still don�t understand the nature of
gravity, and why such a weak force could have such strong effect.�

�How do people go through life with all this uncertainty?�

�Well,� Larry�s fingers went to his cheek.� �We work from general assumptions, applying
them to the individual situation the best we can.�

�And if those assumptions fail?�

�They often do, since people are impossible to predict
except in very broad terms.�� He eyed
Charlie. �Did you try to formulate a theory for Don that blew up in your face?�

�No,� Charlie sighed.�
�It was Don himself.�

�Don blew up in your face?�

�No, no.�� Charlie
shook his head.� �I can�t talk about it.�

Larry frowned.� �Charles,
whatever you have to say will be kept in strictest confidence, unless of course
I�d need security clearance to hear it, whereupon you�d be better off speaking
to � Megan, maybe.�

Charlie�s lips twisted.�
�I have no idea what Megan would think of this and I�m not sure I want
to know.� I don�t know anyone anymore.�

�Hold, hold.�� Larry
said.� �I think you�re taking this a
little too far.� One instance of
misunderstanding does not require a dismantling of your entire social behavior
model.�

�This one does,� Charlie said, frowning.

Larry looked at him for a moment.� When Charlie didn�t say anything more, Larry
said, �Far be it for me to pry in your personal affairs, so I should just go on
to � wherever it was I was going.�

When Larry began to move away, Charlie grabbed his arm.� �Wait, I really need to talk to someone.�

Larry�s forehead wrinkled and Charlie realized he was
gripping Larry�s arm very tightly.� He
let go and mumbled, �Sorry.�

�I will have a bruise,� Larry said, rubbing his arm, �But it
was a very effective demonstration of your depth of agitation.�

Charlie looked around.�
There was no one else within earshot.�
He directed Larry to a nearby bench.

They sat and Charlie looked at his hands for a moment.� If he said it out loud, it would feel more
true, though it wouldn�t actually change the nature of the information.

Larry waited patiently, swinging his legs.

�I went � to Don�s apartment this morning.�� Charlie cleared his throat.� �I had a breakthrough on the statistical
analysis of network flow patterns that I think will really help him on the
Mason case.�

�The Mason case, is that the murder case with��

�David was there,� Charlie said.

�At the murder case?�

�At Don�s apartment.�

�Why did that�� Larry
started.

�Half dressed.� Like
Don.�

�Oh?�� Larry�s
eyebrows shot up.� �Oh!�

�Yeah.�

�I didn�t know that Don was gay,� Larry said calmly.

�He�s not!�� Charlie
snapped.�

�Did I reach the wrong conclusion?�� Was there an alternate explanation?�

Charlie shook his head.�
�Don said that he wasn�t gay, just that he � liked to sleep with guys
sometimes.�

�Oh.�� Larry frowned
in thought.� �And it was this revelation
that devastated your faith in understanding people?�

�Yes!� Shouldn�t it?�

Larry shrugged.�
�Human sexuality is much more varied and diverse than popular culture
might want us to believe.�

�What is that supposed to mean?�� Charlie said in exasperation.

�Only that, maybe you should accept Don�s statement as
truth, and just add a small addendum to your mental catalogue of him.�

Charlie put his face in his hands.� �How can I do that?� This changes everything!�

�What does it change?��
Larry asked gently.� �He�s still
your brother and a skilled government agent and Frisbee player.�

�It feels different.�

Larry pursed his lips and gazed across the courtyard.� �Our ideas on sexuality are formed very early
in our development and housed in the deepest parts of our brain.� It�s natural that any assault on those ideas
would feel like an assault on our fundamental perceptions of the world around
us.�

�I just wish �� Charlie grimaced. �I wish I hadn�t gone over
there this morning.�

�Since time travel is still only highly theoretical and
might only be possible on the sub-atomic level and there�s the whole issue of
parallel time streams �� Larry waved his hand.

�Okay, so I can�t change that I saw what I saw.�

�You can only change your interpretation of your
experience.�

Charlie looked at Larry�s intent, supportive face.� �I just want to understand.�

�What is there to understand?�

�Don always had all the girls he wanted.� Girls in high school just loved him and I bet
it was the same at the FBI academy and everywhere else he�s been.� Why would he want to � with guys?�

�You�re making a number of assumptions there.� The most egregious is that his interest in
same sex experiences are due to lack of opposite sex ones.� Or that these experiences fill the same need
as those with women.�

Charlie felt his face flush.�
�It�s the same biological drive.�

�Is it?�

�What are you trying to say?�

�Only that, once again, human sexuality is much more varied
than we might think.� If it were a simple
ejaculatory requirement, there would be no interest in any of the wide variety
of sexual stimulation that is available to us, both culturally and
biologically.�

Charlie gave a deep sigh.�
�What do I do?�

�Try talking to Don.�
Finding out why he is participating in these activities that so disturb
you.�

�I can�t ask him!�

�Then you will be attempting to form a hypothesis without
data, never a wise path.�

�We just don�t � talk about stuff like that.�

Larry shrugged.� �You
may not have in the past but this experience might open up new possibilities of
communication between you.�

Charlie groaned.� �I�d
rather slash my wrists.�

�A rather gruesome and pointless act.�� Larry said with a wry smile.� His round face grew serious.� �I know you, Charles.� You would rather retreat from a difficult
interpersonal issue but I beg you to not let this fester.� Talk to your brother.�

Charlie shoved himself to his feet.� �I gotta go.�

�Okay, okay.�� Larry
nodded, then asked, �Which direction was I headed?�

�I don�t know.� You
came up to me.�

�Oh.� Well, maybe if I
go back to my office, I�ll remember.� I�m
pretty sure I left myself a post-it note.�

�Bye,� Charlie mumbled and walked slowly down the
sidewalk.� I can�t talk to Don, not about this.�
He�ll just make some joke and I�ll feel like an idiot.� There weren�t many people that could make
Charlie feel like an idiot but Don was definitely one of them.� He was always so confident, so comfortable
with people.� Sometimes Charlie envied
Don so much it made his teeth hurt.� Now
Don had yet something else that Charlie didn�t, understood another aspect of
life that Charlie couldn�t.� He shook his
head and sighed.� He was going to have to
talk to Don.
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Balancing the Equation